Silver Destiny
Written by some madao
Gintama is the creation and property of Hideaki Sorachi, whereas Touhou Project is the creation and property of Zun.
Chapter Three
"I just wanna say, protect yourself," said Marisa, gloomily. "Where we're headed is a dangerous place."
Gintoki listened to Marisa, but didn't respond. He stared out over the horizon.
"I borrowed this carpet from a vampire's manor. A real bloodsucker-ze."
"As opposed to a fake one?" asked Gintoki.
"Let's compare," said Marisa. "A fake bloodsucker would be annoying, whereas the real deal would be a hundred... no, a thousand times more annoying."
"I don't know how annoying that is," said Gintoki.
"It's like the difference between falling out of bed, or falling off of a flying carpet that's fifty metres in the air-ze."
"That second one sounds deadly."
"Which is how annoying that vampire is."
"A real vampire, eh?" Gintoki crossed his arms, to show he was deep in thought. "Any chance we can crash this carpet, and escape unharmed?"
"I can fly, but I ain't got a spell to float dead weight," replied Marisa. "Anyway, keep a lookout. There's probably someone coming to greet us."
There was. A flying girl, rocketing toward the carpet. She was in combat swoop mode, apparently, aiming for either one of the occupants. She hit Gintoki. Or rather, she kicked him, squarely in the head.
Gintoki fell off the carpet, but was grabbed by the flying girl. Or rather, she grappled him, grabbing hold of his clothes, pinning his arms to his side, and pointing him head first to the ground he was now fast approaching.
Instinctively, Gintoki first tried to do what came naturally, which was complain, "Oi!" However, that was all he could say, sputtering, because the girl changed her hold, slipping behind him, quickly wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, leaving him gasping for breath.
This was shaping up to be the hugest suplex ever.
Marisa was suddenly beside him. She punched at Gintoki's assailant, but her knuckle was blocked by Gintoki's head. She tried to strike Gintoki's assailant again, but her knee was blocked by Gintoki's gut.
"Oi! Yer na' he'pin'!" Gintoki tried to shout, blood pouring out of his nose.
It was up to him. He unsheathed his wooden blade, Lake Touya, and tried to cut his assailant, who was still behind him. Well, he couldn't actually cut, as such, but he hoped he could at least knock her off him. It worked, a little. Just enough so that Marisa could pull him away.
However, they were still falling.
Just before hitting the ground, Gintoki put himself between the ground and the girl. The landing was painful, but not fatal, for some reason. Perhaps because of the witch girl's magic?
Gintoki let go of Marisa, and stood up. He looked around. That other girl, the assailant had disappeared, but he could sense her presence, slightly. She was waiting, somewhere nearby, watching for an opportunity.
"Every time," said Marisa. "She's gotta attack every time she sees me. And I dunno why."
"Who is she, anyway?" asked Gintoki, who'd re-sheathed his bokken, ready to un-sheath it the moment he sensed the woman attack.
"She's a gardener for a place I like to visit that has a massive library. I'm always borrowing books from there, but for whatever reason, I just don't know why, this gardener keeps trying to stop me from entering. Incidentally, it's the same place I borrowed that carpet from-ze."
"It's probably a misunderstanding," said Gintoki. "People are always making suspicious assumptions about me, too."
"I know, right?" asked Marisa.
"What sad worlds we both live in when people can't even look at our faces and see how innocent we both are," said Gintoki.
Suddenly, the woman was attacking. Gintoki unsheathed his sword, and struck out at where he sensed his attacker to now be.
However, this woman had grabbed his sword with both hands, stopping his attack.
"Innocent? That girl's a liar and a thief!" shouted the gardener, stepping back from Gintoki, while accusingly pointing at Marisa. "Anyway, I can't allow either of you a step closer."
"Technically, we weren't even going to visit your place, but now that your master has just stolen my means of transport, I guess I have no choice but to go see and complain to her-ze!" said Marisa, slightly annoyed.
"By the way, Marisa, who's your accomplice, today? His stink reminds me of something unpleasant."
"Like rotten booze farts?" asked Marisa.
"Yes..."
"Incidentally, Gintoki, this woman's name is Meiling Hong. She's the gardener of the place we're gonna visit first, now."
"I thought we were looking for a cat? What's with the change in plans?"
"There might be a cat at the place we're going to," said Marisa. "But we're gotta go, regardless, cause we really do need that carpet. There's just no way to drag your butt around Gensokyou, otherwise. Unless you feel like running?"
"You make it sound like either of you can get past me," said Meiling, annoyed. "But if you try that, I'll be making meals of you." She then shook her head. She pointed at Gintoki. "Actually, I won't eat you. I'll leave your stinking corpse in the deep wilderness, and hope no innocent animals feed on you."
She began to float. Marisa followed her into the air.
How... unfair, felt Gintoki. He was a well grounded man, who did his best to keep his head out of the clouds. Earth under his feet was his motto, but these girls kept rising. They had no concept of what it meant to have a solid footing.
"Would you please stop trying to look up my dress?" Meiling, annoyed, and blushing, asked Gintoki.
"I wasn't looking anywhere," said Gintoki, his eyes still drawn to the slit in Meiling's cheongsam. Really, those sorts of dresses were too dangerous.
"Liar!" Meiling began to attack Gintoki, tossing kunai at him.
"Oi! Weren't you two going to fight? Why are you attacking an innocent bystander?" asked Gintoki, ducking out of the way.
"It's too dangerous to let you live," said Meiling.
Gintoki looked to Marisa for aid, however, she seemed annoyed. "Why were you only trying to look up her skirt?"
"Bloomers went out of style ages ago where I came from," said Gintoki, automatically.
"So you already did peek, huh?" Marisa said, twice as annoyed. She aimed her hands at him.
"Eh?"
He was running, and he was screaming.
Well, perhaps he didn't need to be screaming.
He jumped forward into a roll, just narrowly avoiding an explosion behind him. The blast launched him into the air.
Well, perhaps a little scream here and there wouldn't hurt.
"Argh!" He landed, nay, splatted against a tree, koala-style. But he didn't have time for slapstick! He had to... Move!
He swung himself from the tree to the ground, just in time to avoid it toppling over from a kick from Meiling that cut it down.
Meiling swore, looked away from Gintoki to Marisa, who'd been charging up power.
The witch then let loose her magic spell, aiming for Meiling, but also hoping to catch Gintoki in the blast.
Meiling tried to guard herself, but Gintoki chose to dodge.
He dodged right over side a cliff.
He fell. And fell. And fell some more.
And then he landed without dying. It had to be magic keeping him alive. He should've been dead two times, now. He groaned. He had it with falling. The not dying part he didn't mind, but he could do without the plummeting to his what was now an uncertain demise.
He looked around. He saw trees, and underbrush. Thick and tangled underbrush. It would take hours to get anywhere through it all, but he decided, upon hearing a distant explosion far above him that it'd be preferable to returning to the battle above. Besides, he decided while looking at the sheer and smooth cliff rock, the path up wasn't the same as the path down.
He could smell water. Clean, fresh water. He'd start out in that direction.
Fighting his way through the brush, he soon happened upon something that didn't belong in a forest. In any forest.
It was an ex-space shuttle.
And that insignia, too, was one he was familiar with...
Yeah, now he knew why he was really called here to this world. It was the old rule, your crap belongs in your own toilet bowl. If it should somehow find a way out of it, it's still your problem, one you had to clean up. Preferably with lots of bleach. But fire could do the job, too.
Also, his hands were already stained. Better to dirty his hands then to allow that shrine maiden or her magician friend to get too involved.
Anyhow, to the lake.
He hated trying to travel through forests. Oh, sure, he'd found his way through one just last night, but that was an obviously well-trod forest. This one, with all its underbrush and clingy and aged trees was definitely an unpopular forest. It was an annoying effort to pass by even just a single tree.
He could feel twigs breaking off in his hair, despite keeping his hands and arms above his head to protect his head, and especially his eyes, from thorny brush, and dry sharp branches.
The lake was close, at least.
He stepped out of the forest, into a narrow clearing between the lake beach front and the forest, and came face to faces with hundreds, nay, thousands of flying little people.
It was thick as a swarm of gnats on a hot, humid night.
And they seemed pretty excited, too.
"It's a human," one of the little people said.
Gintoki took a moment to admire the wings on these little girls, and also the magnificent energy bullets they were now shooting at him.
The message from his brain to his legs seemed to take a long detour, possibly getting lost trying to navigate through his thick curly hair, but when it finally arrived, it was simple, loud, clear, and emphatic. It was, "Run!"
"He's come to play! Hurray!"
Bullets impacted the earth all about his feet. Were they even trying to aim? He backed away, regardless of the of his attackers' lack of markfairyship.
Suddenly, an explosive shower of bullets was headed in his direction. His legs broke into a run, carrying his body, and more importantly, his useless head to hopefully safer territory.
He had to remember his hitbox was most important. Had to protect it, most of all.
Could he wear a protective? Would that save him from this bullets? If he searched through the whole of this land, though, would he find one large enough?
Someone kicked him the head. He fell, face forward, in to the beachfront sand.
Just now, he noticed there weren't any more bullets flying toward him.
He did see that green haired girl, though. What was her name, again...?
He said, "Uh, you're that, uh, H*karu, right? The one that rides a torpedo?"
Sanae angrily shot three carrots at Gintoki, impaling his eyes and his mouth.
"Completely wrong!" she said, annoyed. "Goodness! What goes through your head?"
Reimu, who'd been preoccupied with chasing away the fairies landed beside Sanae.
"My name is Sanae! Sa-na- e!" said Sanae.
"Right. Right." Gintoki stood up, and brushed sand off his clothing. The carrots had disappeared the moment the joke expired. "So, what are you two doing? Following me?"
"Of course!" said Sanae, annoyed. "It's an incident, and we want in on the action."
"Might be loot involved," said Reimu.
"And more importantly, I can pick your brain about the technology your world has, and how I can apply it to Genskyo," said Sanae.
"Like pachinko?"
"No!"
"It's the only technology I can think of that's important. Keeps the economy going. And creates dreams, even if they are, ultimately, impossible. The sight of those dropping balls is entrancing..."
"Shut up," said Reimu. "Nothing but useless words ever comes out of your mouth. They're strung together as though they're coherent, but if one listens closely, it's just ridiculous drunk talk."
"Besides, pachinko is at its roots just a form of gambling. And the only sort of people who gamble in pachinko are useless old folks," said Sanae.
Gintoki looked at Reimu, and asked, "But I bet you'd like to try it, right?"
"I'd probably be forbidden. I'm only allowed to make small bets, for some reason." Reimu sighed.
Gintoki looked at Sanae for an explanation. She whispered, "She's blessed by the gods, so she'd probably win big every time she played."
Gintoki spat in disgust. "What point is there to life if you never face hardship? It'd be like encountering the King Metal Sl*me every other battle, and the Gold Gol*m for the rest!" He clicked his tongue. "It'd be like someone who plays every game with the K*nami code already entered. Even if that game doesn't even have one."
"Sounds about right," said Sanae.
"If you two have finished complaining, I'd like to get moving," said Reimu. "There's a rowboat up ahead you can use," she said to Gintoki. She whispered, to herself, "What's a K*nami code?"
There, indeed, was a rowboat, after a short walk alongside the lake.
"It used to belong to a local, but when the new neighbours moved in across the way, people pretty much stopped coming to this lake." Reimu looked across the water, but there was nothing, apparently, in sight.
"What about the witch?" asked Sanae, looking back to where Marisa had been battling, earlier.
"What about her?" asked Reimu. "She's the annoying type. Even if you leave her behind, she's gonna race to get ahead of you, just so she can ask, "What took ya so long?""
Gintoki kicked at the boat. Seemed sturdy enough. Were there any paddles? He untied the boat from a tree, and started pushing it toward the water.
He stepped into the boat, and sat down. Both the girls floated onto the boat.
"The manor is straight ahead. Dunno how long it'll take to cross using a boat, but it should be an interesting trip," said Reimu.
"One of you grab a paddle, too," said Gintoki. Both girls stared at him, as though he'd said something incomprehensible.
"We could just fly. In fact, there's little need for either of us to even help you, and we're probably not going to get any reward..." replied Reimu. However, she then must have thought of something annoying.
"Reimu?" asked Sanae.
"Nothing. There's somebody we both know who probably would lecture me for saying that," said Reimu. She sighed. "We'll take turns," she said Sanae.
It was a lazy crossing. The speed was slow, and the rowers were probably far more interested in keeping fairies at bay than in the actual trip.
It made for... something or other banter.
"The fish swimming up to the boat have eyes more full of life than yours," said Reimu, casually.
"Can their eyes catch the sunlight, and return a glint of heroic light?" asked Gintoki.
"Their eyes show purity, whereas yours show, well, a perverse nature," replied Reimu. "And it's not simply a... normal perverse sort of perverse, but a twisted personality sort of perverse." She added, "It's like looking at a sheet of white cloth. Pure, almost, but for a blatant stain."
"Sounds like a pair of soiled underwear," said Gintoki. "But I assure you, the stains on my soul are the sort any man will pick up through his life."
"Are you sure it's not stained, because you don't bath often enough?"
It made for... annoying banter.
"So, um, what sort of people are these people we're going to visit?" asked Sanae.
"Hmm?" Reimu tried to think. "They're... annoying, for starters, and they're blood suckers, too. They usually have one stupid plan going on, or another, depending on who around Gensenkyo has a stupid plan already in the works. They like to be the centre of attention. If they're not, they'll try to horn in, and steal away all the focus of everybody."
"I thought you were fairly friendly with them?" asked Sanae.
"I am, I guess."
"I'd hate to hear how you describe your enemies," said Gintoki.
"I don't really have any."
"How?" asked Gintoki, genuinely surprised. He picked up enemies like how a jobless, homeless man picked up coins off the city street. Like how clothes picked up lint.
"Well, we're almost there," said Reimu, suddenly, ignoring Ginoki's question. "The Scarlette Manor."
It was certainly an impressive sight, the manor, felt Gintoki. Western style architecture, with every inch masterfully crafted. It was to Gintoki, awe inspiring.
"Can't you keep your finger of your nose for five minutes?" asked Reimu of Gintoki, annoyed.
End Chapter
Author's Notes:
Well, that's another chapter done. Got a decent gag in my head to include in the next chapter.
Anyway, once again, I'm seeking a story I removed over a year ago from my profile. If anyone has a copy of it, I'd appreciate it if it could be sent to me. It's a Gintama fanfiction. Can't remember the name of it, though. Can't remember if I'd released that story under my old pen name, Drosselmeyer, or some madao. Thanks in advance if anyone is able to help with finding it.