Chapter 4

Malia had organised for a friend of hers who also worked at the hospital to sit down with Kono specifically to help her with her self-doubt. She had arranged for it to be done off the record knowing Kono would be humiliated if anyone ever found out she needed help. Dr.O'Conner had agreed to me Kono and Adam at their house and the three found themselves sitting on the couches in the main living room. Kono and Adam sat next to each other with a small distance between them. Adam's little finger gently grazed Kono's little finger as their hands rested on their thighs. Dr.O'Conner sat in an adjoining seat watching the couple.

"For today I want to focus on what it was that led you to walk out Kono and start doubting yourself. I will focus on you Kono however Adam I will ask you to explain what you said so I can get a better understanding of what Kono feels." Dr O'Conner explained. "And you can call me Anna." She added.

"Okay that's fine" Adam nodded whilst Kono just smiled shyly.

"Kono can you explain to me what happened the day you walked out, from the beginning even if you think it's trivial." Anna asked.

"Erm it started good. I woke up and Adam had already got Kelly up and I found them in his office. I went in and I asked Adam if we could talk about me going back to work." Kono explained.

"Okay how did that go?" Anna asked.

"Well I told Adam that I wanted to go back to work and he didn't agree saying Kelly was still young and there was no rush. So I said he wasn't listening to my perspective so I tried again and he said he earns enough for me to stop working." Kono continued.

"How did you react to that?" Anna asked.

"I was pissed off I don't want to live of his money I want to earn my own." Kono said as she avoided looking at Adam.

"Did he say anything else?"

"He suggested that I was choosing work over Kelly." Kono said sadly.

"How did that make you feel?"

"Like I was a bad mum." Kono mumbled.

Adam sighed and took Kono's hand fully in his. Guilt swamped him as he realised he shouldn't have said what he said.

"Why?" Anna asked vaguely.

Kono looked confused. She wasn't sure what to say.

"Erm I don't know…I guess I thought…*sigh* I don't know." Kono stammered.

"Its okay Kono don't stress. I only ask because it upset you and made you walk out. Something about what Adam said led you to believe you were a bad mum, but all you want is to balance work and family. May women do so, I do." Anna said.

"It made me doubt myself and I questioned what I was asking and I thought maybe Adam was right so I just…wanted to prove that I would always be there for Kelly." Kono explained.

"Adam why did you say you earnt enough for Kono live off of and why did you suggest she was picking work over Kelly?" Anna asked as she turned to Adam.

"I didn't mean to make Kono feel like she only needed my money…"Adam began.

"I don't doubt that Adam and believe everything you said was taken in the wrong way by Kono, but I need to know why you said them regardless of whether they were meant or not." Anna said.

"I guess I told her I earnt enough to try and prevent her from going back to work and I suggested she was choosing work over Kelly because I was scared she was going back to where she had been when Kelly was first born. I didn't want her choosing work and regretting it and I didn't want her to ever believe she was a bad mom because she's a fantastic mum and I guess I was just scared that that was what she believed. Instead I made her believe that." Adam explained sadly.

"Kono what else was said later in the afternoon that ultimately led you to pack your stuff and go to your mum's?"

Kono swallowed nervously. She felt uncomfortable and after talking to Adam last night she knew she loved him and did over react.

"Adam found me and asked to talk. I snapped at him and said it depended on whether or not he was going to accuse me of being a bad mother. Then he said he thought I was choosing work as an easier option that being a mother and he brought up what I had gone through previously." Kono informed.

"Why did you snap at him?" Anna asked.

"I was just angry at him" Kono admitted.

"Why?" He made me feel like a bad mum.

"How did you feel when I said you were choosing work as an easy option?" Anna pushed.

"Like I was useless at being a mum and that I preferred work to my own daughter…I just felt rubbish." Kono said softly.

"Adam did you really think Kono was choosing work as an easy option?"

"It crossed my mind but only because of what she went through when Kelly was born…I just feared she was thinking she was a bad mum." Adam said.

"Okay…" Anna said as she made some notes.

Kono and Adam sat in silence while they waited for Anna.

"I'm crazy aren't I?" Kono said as she broke the silence.

Anna smiled at the young Hawaiian women.

"No Kono you are not crazy." Anna reassured. "I do agree with Malia though that I believe you suffered with post natal depression and due to your 'stubbornness' as Malia put it you never received professional help. Therefore I think those thoughts you felt then have re-surfaced and you've become paranoid and in doubt about your abilities as a mother. When Adam said you were choosing work over Kelly or as an easy option it immediately made you feel paranoid and doubt yourself. I do not think Adam meant what he said and as we've now seen from what he's said he had reasons for why he made those comments but they could have been worded better." Anna explained.

Kono nodded and leaned into Adam, squeezing his hand. "Sorry" She mumbled softly.

Before Adam could respond Anna jumped in. Why are you apologising Kono?" Anna asked.

"I over reacted when Adam was just worrying about me and I took Kelly from him." Kono sadly said as she wiped a tear.

"Baby" Adam sighed as he wiped her tears away and kissed her head. "I'm sorry too."

Anna smiled at the couple. "I don't think either of you need to apologise for the words exchanged or how you reacted. It was a very natural considering you never dealt with the Post Natal depression Kono. I do think it's fair that you apologise for taking Kelly away and that leads me on to the next thing." Anna explained.

Panic filled Kono.

"Kono don't look so scared. Malia has informed me that you took Kelly and left without telling Adam where you had gone. Legally you cannot take Kelly from Adam unless a court has reason to grant you to do so. Clearly Adam loves you both and would never have taken any action towards you but the fact you took Kelly suggests to me that there is a trust problem." Anna explained.

"I trust Adam." Kono said sadly.

"In that moment when you took Kelly you didn't trust that Adam trusted you that's why you took Kelly to prove something." Anna said.

Kono bowed her head knowing it was the truth as she looked at Adam with tears in her eyes.

"And Adam, I think you've shown that you didn't trust that if Kono went back to work she would still spend time with her family." Anna pointed out.

Adam nodded in agreement.

"Before you both think that you have some serious issues you don't. The fact alone that you can admit your wrongs show you can help yourselves with a little guidance, also the fact that Adam you're here supporting Kono." Anna explained. "Your trust issues lie solely with this argument not your whole relationship. It's understandable that you would question the other. I am very happy with you both and you seem to be in a very supportive and loving relationship so I believe if Kono you allow Adam to support you and Adam you support Kono you can work and discuss the trust and move past this. You have Malia but I'll give you my card and you can speak to either of us whenever you need to." Anna said as she left.

Once Anna had left and Kono had got Kelly from her nap the three snuggled on the couch to watch a movie. Kelly sat happily on Adams lap sucking her fingers and giggling. Kono had gone to the bathroom and when she returned she sat on the couch next to Adam, unsure whether he wanted to cuddle or not.

"Hey come here" Adam instructed as he pulled Kono closer.

Kono smiled and relaxed as she snuggled into Adam's side grasping his t-shirt like she would in bed and clinging to it as though it were a safety blanket. Adam smiled at Kono's little habit and pulled her impossible close, subbing his hand up and down her arm.

"I love you and I'm very proud of you today. I know Anna said we shouldn't apologise but I am very very sorry for ever making you doubt yourself." Adam whispered into her ear.

Kono turned and rested her head on his shoulder, looking up at him and grinning. "I'm sorry to for everything. I love more than you know baby, thank you so being there with me today." Kono said.

Adam showed his dimples as he smiled and nuzzled his nose against hers before kissing her lips and nibbling on her bottom lip.