Sunday 1:50 pm - Lookout Point
Things remained normal, well as normal as can be, between Connie and Guy all throughout the weekend. It was now Sunday afternoon which was usually spent running errands together, grabbing food, studying or simply hanging out. They were now at their sacred lookout point by the river, a place they marked as their own with plenty of conversations, arguments and laughter.
"Can you believe it's been almost four years since Charlie, Jesse, and Averman came here to round us up?" Connie reminisced.
"Hardly," he chuckled. "We've changed a lot since then."
"Yeah, you're bigger and you cut your hair. Now it's nice and short. And me? Well, I think I just got shorter."
"That's for sure…" he laughed when she punched him.
"I'm a little mad they interrupted us though."
"You're mad?! I recall someone being more excited to go find the rest of the Ducks than those three idiots. And I think that someone was you," Guy teased her.
"Sorry for ditching you at the altar," she laughed. "At least, we made up for it after, right?" He chuckled and shook his head.
The two stood in a comfortable silence among the thrashes of the water. Connie looked out into the river with her arms placed on the railing while Guy leaned his back against it. Although they were staring in opposite directions, their thoughts could not have been more mirrored.
"I think we should talk," Guy started.
"I think you're right." They turned to look at one another.
They could see it in each other's eyes; the feeling was mutual. The last thing they wanted was an argument. The conversation needed to come from the right angle. But that was impossible to know without actually having a previous similar conversation. Guy initiated the moment so he felt the need to start off. But he didn't want to hurt her or pressure her so he came about this the only way he could think of.
"What comes to your mind every time I say 'Be with me'?"
"Truthfully?" He nodded.
"My mind says 'not yet'."
That's what he expected and time and time again, the blow hits him hard.
"Connie, I can't d-…."
"But…" she interrupted. "My heart says 'yes'. Every single time."
That was unexpected. She moved closed to him and grabbed one of his hands with both of hers. He looked down at their connected limbs and just stared at the spot where she was rubbing her thumb over his skin.
"Are you scared to be with me?" he said without looking up.
"I'm scared of what can happen…of trying and failing. I don't want to ruin what we have. You mean everything to me, Guy."
"We don't know what more we could have if we don't try."
"Something tells me we'd be intense. Crazy intense. I need to be okay with that first. Just look at how we are as friends. The touching, the flirting…This isn't normal."
"No, it isn't. But I also can't keep going on these meaningless dates without thinking that you're the only person I want to be with. And it's impossible watching you with other guys." He admitted all he could. "When all is said and done with other people, we just go back to each other because it's comfortable? That isn't normal either. I can't keep doing it." Finally, Guy looked at her. "Connie, I don't want to be a rebound."
"Is that really what you think? That I want us to be like this so I can just go on dates and then come back to you for the emotional stuff? Well, you couldn't be more wrong." Her eyes welled up and her voice was raised. "I want it this way because I love you too damn much."
"Then show me! Be with me. Because you telling me and actually doing it are two totally different things. You tell me you love me but next thing you know, you're out with another guy. You can't have both." The tensions were rising now and the look in Connie's eyes told him that it wasn't going to be easy.
"I care for you more than I do for anyone else. But I'm not ready to commit to something so serious. I want to be with you when I know that I can handle anything that could hurt us…that could hurt you." She always played it safe. Guy ran off of emotions but no, not Connie. She always analyzed and planned. She was careful with everything and was always prepared to protect herself…and Guy.
"What else is there? Connie, what is keeping you away?" he pleaded.
Connie let go of his hand and cupped his face. She looked him dead in the eye. "You."
She knew it was going to hurt him and for the life of her, she wish she didn't have to say it. But it was time to be said. Guy was conflicted. He didn't understand why she said it, or rather he didn't want to believe why she said it.
"I'm afraid to commit myself to you. I don't know if I'm ready yet. I'm sorry."
And there it was. The truth behind the dates, the complicated friendship, the flirting. She was afraid of everything that came with commitment…the intensity. The "perfect setup" was a stable buffer between a relationship with Guy and one without him.
He half expected her to say it. There was always a little doubt that told him so but he always hoped for the best. He was willing to make things work but he couldn't do it alone.
"Well then I don't think I can be a part of it anymore," he told her indignantly. He brought her hands down from her face. His body felt numb and empty. He felt like a pawn in her game and he simply couldn't keep playing. "The heart wants what it wants, right? Well, we clearly want different things."
"I want you in my life. Guy, pleas-…"
"Don't. Just…don't."
She hurt him. The only guy she ever truly cared for. Connie desperately wanted to be with him but the thought scared her away. To give ones heart to another is nothing short of difficult and she couldn't do it just yet.
"Someday I'll be ready but it's just not today," she looked at him with sorrowful wet eyes. "I love you more than anything. You have to know that,"
Guy gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Yeah, I do," he nodded with a stone expression. "And that's what hurts the most."
Without a second look back, Guy turned and walked home.