Chapter Eight

"Honestly, Mother, I don't want anything from them," Idunn protested, wandering aimlessly through the displays of jewelry in the shop owned by the dwarfish brothers Brokk and Eitri.

"They're the finest jewelers in the nine realms," Freyja protested. "You need the best for your wedding. I can't believe my baby is all grown up and getting married."

"Modir, please!" Idunn rolled her eyes. "I'm not a baby, and we all know why you favour Brokk," she lowered her voice and patted Freyja's swelling belly. "But you're already pregnant."

"Idunn!"

"I say what I must." Idunn kissed Freyja's cheek. "I'll go wait outside for you."

Freyja sighed and shook her head, continuing to wander through the aisles. It wasn't long after Idunn left that Brokk approached her.

"Your second oldest is marrying?"

Freyja nodded.

"You are looking for jewels, then?"

"I was. Idunn does not want any of these, however. I believe that she is going to borrow some from my stepmother."

Brokk frowned. "Your daughters do not like me."

"No, they don't."

"Did you tell them of the agreement that you and I had?"

Freyja raised her brows. "That is why they don't like you."

Brokk's frown deepened. "I told you at the beginning that I would not be saddled with offspring."

"And I have never once wanted to go back on that deal," Freyja replied coolly. "But my daughters are not me, Brokk."

"I see." Brokk looked troubled. "But I also see that you have found another mate to sire your children."

Freyja ran her hands along her rapidly swelling belly. "I told you from the start that we would couple at my pleasure, not yours. And you certainly have no claim to being the only man I can take at my pleasure."

"You missed our last... appointment."

Freyja's brow furrowed. "Did I?"

Brokk nodded. "From past experience, your pregnancies have increased our times together. Have you found a man who lays claim on you every night now?"

"Jealousy is very unattractive in a man, Brokk," Freyja replied coolly. "At the moment, I need a man who is more patient than you are."

"What does that mean?"

"Exactly what I said," Freyja shot back. "This pregnancy has had a different effect on my body than my previous ones. I need tenderness, gentleness. A slow touch."

Brokk's brow furrowed. "I can be tender."

Freyja shook her head. "You'll have to make do with your other lovers."

"Very well." Brokk plucked a simple, elegant necklace from a nearby stand. "A wedding gift for Idunn."

Freyja accepted it, though she was certain that Idunn would not. "I have to go."

She left the shop quickly, and wandered the stalls until she found Idunn. She had been joined by her fiancé, Bragi, and the two were giggling together. She slipped the necklace into her pocket. She would wrap it as a present from herself. Bragi nodded a respectful greeting when Freyja drew near.

"I can see that my attempts to get this wedding planned are for naught today," Freyja said, smiling at her daughter. "Go on, I'll just get some fruit for dinner. Will you be joining us, Bragi?"

Bragi nodded. "I would be delighted to, Lady Freyja."

"Good. Off you two go, then. Don't do anything I would do."

"Mother!" Idunn and Bragi both flushed, but Idunn kissed Freyja's cheek and the young couple quickly made their way out of the crowd.

Freyja sighed when she was alone, but quickly straightened her shoulders. It had been six months, and she was getting better. It was hard still, though, and there were still days when she would not get out of bed, others when she would spend the night weeping, and still others when she pretended so hard that nothing was wrong that everything grated on her.

She gathered the fruit that she needed, and then headed back to Frey's. She walked slowly, forcing herself to look at the flowers blooming around her, rather than keep glancing nervously at the sky.

"Lady Freyja!"

Freyja turned at the call of her name, and saw Tyr jogging to join her. He bowed slightly. "May I walk with you?"

"Of course."

Tyr went to take the basket of fruit, and Freyja pulled it away, shaking her head.

"I am not that fragile, my lord."

"Of course not," Tyr agreed. "I was merely trying to be polite."

"I believe the polite thing to do would be to ask the lady if she required assistance, not assume that she did." Freyja laughed, so that Tyr would know she was jesting.

"I think that the lady does not require assistance after all," Tyr replied.

Freyja shrugged. "Frey tells me that the soldiers are leaving tomorrow for a final assault on the Jotünns attacking Midgard?"

Tyr nodded. "Your mother will be relieved, will she not?"

"Yes, she is very relieved."

"She will be returning to Midgard soon, then?"

"Perhaps." Freyja hesitated as she peeked at Tyr from the corner of her eye. He was a well-built man, strong and powerful, with a kind face, if not particularly handsome. And Ve always thought well of him... But was it too soon? Did she really want this again, after what Atum did to her? It had only been six months! "Lord Tyr..."

"Yes, my Lady?"

"It used to be the custom that warriors required a warm bed the night before battle."

Tyr's brows rose. He looked a little uncertain, and said nothing.

"Would you like to spend the night with me?"

"I..." Tyr's glance went down to her belly. "You are with child."

"I am aware." Freyja bit her lip. "I am not made of glass, being pregnant just requires a little bit more patience and ingenuity."

Tyr walked in silence for a moment. "My lady, Ve was one of my dearest friends."

"I know," Freyja replied softly. "And that is why... It's always most difficult, the first time after I've spoken with Ve. I thought, maybe with someone who loved him as well, it would be easier."

"Does he know?"

"Yes. I tell him everything. He loves my girls, though he's never met them. When Idunn was a little girl, she asked if she could refer to Ve as her Da, and I asked him, and he was so happy that she wanted him as her father..." Freyja wiped tears from her eyes. "He helped me name them all."

Tyr took her hand in his. "He loved you very much."

"And I love him. But the needs of the flesh are the needs of the flesh."

"Perhaps you could join me for dinner?"

"I can't, Bragi will be eating with us." Freyja frowned. She always kept a barrier between her daughters and her lovers, but perhaps with Tyr, it could be different?

No.

Tyr stopped, and brought her knuckles to his lips. "Lady, you are very beautiful... but I am not certain."

"Whatever you are comfortable with," Freyja agreed. "But I would like a yes or a no."

Tyr thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Where would you like to meet?"

"Your house," Freyja replied. "Before dark."

Tyr nodded. "I will expect you, then."

Freyja smiled, and they turned the conversation to trivial matters as they continued to walk. Frey and Gaea were sitting on the front porch, and Tyr stopped at the path's entrance, kissing Freyja's knuckles again before taking his leave.

"You look like you've got a rendezvous planned," Gaea mentioned when Freyja got closer.

"I do. It's time. And Tyr is a good man... Ve always spoke highly of him."

Frey frowned, and stood. "I think I will go have a talk with him."

"Frey!" Freyja exclaimed. "What are you doing? You don't have to start being overprotective."

"Maybe I do," Frey responded, and started off after Tyr.

Freyja frowned and sat beside her mother. "I will be all right, won't I?"

"Tyr is an honourable man, as far as I can tell. But I thought the same thing of your father, and look what a wretch he is."

"Njord is just a fool, not a villain."

Gaea nodded. She put her arm around her daughter and held her close. "Be patient with yourself, Freyja... don't expect it to be like it has always been before."

Freyja frowned, and said nothing.

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Tyr's house was a one-storey building with a domed roof, a kitchen, a bedroom, a bathing room, and a parlour. It was elegantly but modestly decorated, and the furniture in the parlour was of the old sort. A low fire flickered in the hearth, and the windows were shuttered. Tyr and Freyja sat cuddled on a chaise lounge near the fire. He was leaning against the back, she was in his lap with his arms around her, leaning against his chest. She cupped his face as they kissed, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She had done her hair up so that it wouldn't get in the way, and had put on a sleeveless dress that tied in the front, and he wore a comfortable buttoned shirt and a pair of trousers.

"Frey talked to me shortly after I left you," Tyr murmured, placing kisses on her jaw and nose, his fingers gently rubbing up and down her bare arm.

"I'm sorry, he's never done that before." Freyja kissed Tyr's Adam's apple, and slid her hand into his tunic. "What did he say?"

"That if I hurt you, he'll kill me." Tyr pulled away slightly so he could start unbuttoning his shirt.

Freyja helped him, and pressed her pale hand against his taut, sculpted muscles. She leaned in for another kiss, his hand cupping the back of her head. Their lips touched, pulled back, and touched again. Tyr pressed a little harder. Freyja closed her eyes, slipping her tongue out to trace the line of his mouth. He pulled her in a little tighter, sliding his tongue under hers.

She wrapped her arm around his back, tracing his shoulder blade with her fingers while he put his hand on her waist, rubbing her lower back and then moving up to her bare shoulder and back down, a little lower than where he started.

"Your skin is so soft."

Tyr kissed her neck, right at the jawbone, sending shivers down her spine. She tilted her head to indicate that she liked it, and he kissed her again, nibbling this time. She hummed in satisfaction, running her hand over his shoulder to push his shirt off. He obliged, leaning forward, still kissing her neck. She tossed the shirt to the floor and cuddled closer to him, running her fingers through her hair.

"You're allowed to touch me, you know," she muttered huskily, putting her hand over his and guiding it to her breast.

Tyr kissed her lips again, massaging her tongue with his, and traced the lace on her bodice. Freyja moaned into his mouth, and felt his lips curl upwards against hers.

"Do you want to go to the bedroom now?" he asked.

Freyja shook her head, kissing his jaw and throat. "By the fire."

"I'll get a blanket."

He eased himself out from under her, kissing her gently again, and left the room. With a sigh, Freyja settled herself back, running her hands over her enlarged stomach. She had been right about one thing. She did not feel so guilty as she usually did after her one-day visit with Ve. Tyr was a good man, she was certain that Ve would approve.

"And Mother doesn't know everything, either," she murmured, and instantly wished that she hadn't. Thinking of her mother's words made her think of Atum- she had managed to push him to the back of her mind.

Freyja pushed out a shaky breath, and pressed her fingers to her temples. This wasn't what Atum did to her. She wanted this, it wasn't just her body responding to touch. She liked the way Tyr kissed her. Gentle at times, more passionate at others.

Tyr came back into the room and spread a thick woven blanket in front of the hearth, and then stoked the fire. He reclined on the blanket and with a smile gestured for her to join him. Freyja stood, unlacing the bodice of her dress. Tyr watched her fingers' movement, and then the fabric of the dress as it slid down her body into the floor, revealing her in her saffron slip. "I take it you approve."

"You are beautiful."

Freyja knelt next to him. He slid his hands onto the small of her back, rubbing down to her knees, back up around her waist, then up to her shoulders, kissing her deeply. He pulled her close, shifting to the side to accommodate her large belly, running his hands down her body again. A shiver ran down Freyja's spine, but it wasn't entirely pleasant this time. Trying to push it aside, Freyja reached for Tyr's belt. Tyr responded with a growl of pleasure, pushing himself up to his knees. Clothes were shed, and then he locked his hands behind her head, pulling her in close, his tongue in her mouth.

A stab of panic made Freyja push away from him, twisting her head to break their kiss.

"Freyja?" Tyr's brow furrowed. "Are you alright?"

Freyja covered herself up. "We're moving too fast."

"All right." Tyr sat back, adverting his eyes, dressing again. "Do you want-"

"I need to go home," Freyja said, bolting for her dress. She yanked it on so fast that the lace caught and tore. Her shoulders were tense as she hurried to lace it up.

Tyr fastened his shirt. "Did I do something wrong?"

"I need to go home." Freyja finished dressing, fighting in vain against her tears.

Tyr looked in alarm at her, and touched her shoulder. She flinched away from him.

"Freyja, are you alright?"

"No. I need to go home."

"I'll walk you."

Tyr pulled on his shirt and buttoned it. Both he and Freyja put on their shoes, and started walking in silence back to Frey's house. Freyja cried the whole time. Gaea had been wrong. She was embarrassed, she felt so, so foolish for thinking that she could ever go back after what had happened. Would she ever be able to share herself with another person?

"I hope that..." Tyr trailed off as they got close to Frey's house. "I hope that this will not make things awkward between us."

Freyja wiped her face. "I was going to say the same. I..." She couldn't tell Tyr about Atum's attack, could she? "I hope that, eventually... but it's hard."

Tyr nodded. "Perhaps being with someone who knew Ve as well is not as helpful as you thought it would be."

"It's just with the war, and Ve, and the baby," Freyja cradled her belly. "I'm afraid this is all too much all at once."

Tyr stopped on the porch, and brought Freyja's knuckles to his lips. "Goodnight, Lady."

"Tyr?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

Tyr kissed her cheek. "Perhaps, when I return we can try again?"

Freyja managed a smile. "I would like that."

She turned into the house, watching from the doorway as Tyr walked back into the night. With a sigh, she closed the door and went to find Gaea. She was sitting in the dining room, pressing her fingers to pieces of fruit to freeze them. She squeezed Freyja's hand as she sat down.

"You were right." Freyja rested her head on her arms. "Am I ever going to be able to feel pleasure again, or did he steal that from me?"

Gaea sighed. "Freyja, I am not certain how I managed to learn how to cope with what Chthon did to me. I still have nightmares, and I get so scared... There are times when I cannot bear to be near any man, not even my own sons, because I can't stop those memories. For the most part, I am able to set it aside and function, but that is not always the case."

Freyja stared at her mother. "You are saying that I will never heal?"

"You are not me. I am sorry that I cannot help you more, sweetheart. I have made myself forget many things. But I am certain that regaining control of myself, knowing that I could have pleasure because I wanted it, was an important step." Gaea stood and pressed a kiss to Freyja's forehead. "I must go to sleep now. Good-night."

Freyja smiled briefly. "Good-night, Mother."

She sat at the table as Gaea left, gazing at the frozen slices of fruit. She held her head in her hands. Why had Atum done what he had done? She remembered the tears rolling down his face when he first was there, the emptiness in his eyes as he held her down, the sound of his voice as he told her to close her eyes, his silence in between orders. What had it meant? What had he been feeling? What was it that he had wanted from her?

"Modir?"

Freyja looked up to see Hnossa walking in. She smiled at her eldest daughter. "You should be sleeping."

"I thought that you would still be with Tyr," Hnossa slid into the chair that Gaea had been sitting in. "What happened?"

"I changed my mind." Freyja fluffed Hnossa's hair and sighed. "It must be a terrible burden to have me as a mother."

"Oh, Mor!" Hnossa shook her head. "I don't care what people say. You are my mother, I love you, and that will never change. We're a family. You, me, the other girls, Uncle Frey, Grandmother. We don't need anybody else."

Freyja smiled. "No, we don't."

Hnossa smiled, but it was short lived. "There are others that do need family, though."

Freyja's brow furrowed.

"Skadi asked me to come to Vanaheim, to live there. She and Njord have such a mess going on between them..." Hnossa's face darkened. "Aunt Gully sides with Njord. Skadi needs somebody with her."

"You're leaving?" Freyja asked, her shoulders tensing.

"I haven't decided yet. With Idunn's wedding and the new baby, things are really crazy right now. But I am considering it. I like Vanaheim, Asgard is too..."

"Golden?"

Hnossa nodded. "Don't cry, Modir. With the bifrost you can visit anytime."

"But what about your treatments?"

"I can take treatments on Vanaheim. I'm sorry, I should not have brought it up so late at night. But I just could never find time during the day."

Freyja clasped her daughter's hand. "I just want all my girls to be safe and happy."

"We are, Mor, we are." Hnossa stood and kissed her cheek. "Don't stay up too late. You need your rest."

Freyja smiled, but sat for a while longer at the table before retreating to her room. She lay in the quiet dark for a long time, thinking about what Gaea had said, before adjusting the pillows around her, reaching down. She thought of her times with Ve, and slowly the stress in her body was replaced by a different tension entirely.

"This is my body," she whispered to herself as she relaxed, feeling triumphant. "Mine."