Chapter Thirteen

"Are you certain about going to Vanaheim?"

Hnossa nodded as she packed her books into a large chest. "Mother, you don't need me here. Skadi does."

Freyja sighed. "You couldn't wait two more months?"

"If I did, you'd find an excuse to keep me around for another two months, and another... I know you, Modir."

"Yes, you do." Freyja perched on the edge of the bed, watching her oldest daughter packing up her belongings. She wasn't leaving forever, she was just going to Vanaheim. Still, the ache in Freyja's chest was almost too much to bear. "I love you forever."

"I love you for always." Hnossa kissed Freyja's forehead. "I'm not leaving until after the wedding, anyway. Speaking of which, here comes the bride..."

Idunn had just entered the room. Tears were streaming down her face and she threw herself on Hnossa's bed, burying her face in a pillow. Freyja frowned and started to rub her back.

"Idunn?"

Muffled sobs were the only reply.

"Idunn, sweet, what's wrong?"

Idunn lifted her golden head from the pillows. "Bragi called off the wedding."

"What?" Hnossa and Freyja exclaimed at the same time.

Hnossa sat beside her sister. "What happened?"

Idunn dragged herself up and leaned into Freyja's shoulder. "He's an idiot."

"Of course he is, he's a man," Freyja replied promptly. "All men are idiots. All women are, too, so stop blaming stupidity and tell us what happened."

"Mother, can't you ever censor yourself?" Idunn exclaimed crossly, pulling away. "I don't need to be told that I'm an idiot right now."

"And neither does Bragi. He loves you, so whatever his reasons-"

"He says that he's 'too broken' for me now. That somehow it makes a difference to me that... He says that he can't support me, he's just a financial drain!" Idunn punched a pillow. "He won't listen to me! He's a stupid, stupid idiot! I thought he only lost his legs, not his brains! But I guess I was wrong!"

Hnossa put her arms around her sister.

Freyja frowned and stood. "I'll go have a word with him."

"Mor-" Idunn started, but Freyja pressed a kiss to her forehead and swept out of the room as impressively as she could with a seven-months pregnant belly.

She found Bragi in his temporary rooms. He had been staying with them since the only home he had before were military barracks, and he had no kin on Asgard to stay with. He was wheeling in the chair Brokk had made, haphazardly putting things in a chest. His cheeks were moist, but his face was hard like a soldier's.

"I have a few things to say to you, young man," Freyja said sharply. "What do you mean by breaking my daughter's heart?"

"Lady Freyja, I am no longer fit to be Idunn's husband."

Freyja stood in front of the chair, blocking Bragi's path. "And what makes you say that?"

Bragi's brown eyes fired. "Look at me!" he hissed. "What sort of woman would want to be stuck with a legless, useless man for eternity?"

"I see. Well, then, it is a good thing that you have broken your engagement with Idunn. Yes, that was a very wise move, considering how little you obviously think of her."

"What?"

Freyja sat down on the edge of Bragi's bed. "I know that you're trying to think of her," she said gently. "But don't you think that she knows that you've lost your legs? She loves you. You're not being selfless by breaking off this engagement, Bragi, you're being selfish. You're not listening to what she has to say and you're taking that decision away from her."

Bragi hung his head. "But I'm a cripple. I'll only be a burden."

"Are you saying that Idunn isn't strong enough for this?"

After a moment's hesitation, Bragi shook his head. "I just want her to have a full life."

"And there is no reason that she can't have one with you. You have your whole life ahead of you, son. Let Idunn share it with you."

"Freyja, I... I know that you encourage your daughters to have a very open relationship with you, that they can tell – or ask – you anything..."

Freyja waited.

"Idunn and I... We've waited. For our wedding night... but how will it work now?"

Freyja contemplated the question. "You'll just have to find a way to make it work. I see no reason why you cannot engage in physical intimacies. You may have to let her take the lead, though. I'm not certain. But I'll let you in on a secret. Legs are really not required for when she's on top, and personally I find that much more pleasing."

Bragi flushed. "Er-"

Freyja laughed and patted his cheek. "You'll figure it out, the two of you."

"But..." Bragi sighed, putting his head in his hands.

"Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to be with her?"

"Yes."

"Will you go running – sorry, wheeling - off after the first brunette that smiles at you?"

"No."

"Well, then." Freyja stood back up. "I think you and Idunn should have a long talk. I'm sure she had concerns too, but everything can be worked through as long as you're both willing to work."

Bragi smiled. "Thank you. I'm still not certain, but..."

"But?"

"I will respect Idunn enough to listen to what she wants."

Freyja nodded in satisfaction, and hugged him. "Good. I'll send her back here."

"Freyja?"

"Yes?"

"Can I call you Mother?"

Freyja hesitated. She had never wanted a son. Sons, she thought, always preferred their fathers and she didn't want to share her children's affections. I am a horrible, selfish person, she thought. But she liked Bragi, and as Idunn's husband he would be her son-in-law. She nodded. "Yes. I would like that very much."

Bragi smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Mother."

It sounded a little strange, but Freyja smiled. "You're welcome."

She returned to Hnossa's room, and urged Idunn to go back and talk with Bragi. After her second-oldest was gone, Freyja sighed, laying on her side on Hnossa's bed, rubbing her aching back. Hnossa sat beside her, raising an eyebrow.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Is the wedding back on?"

"They'll have to decide."

There were fine wrinkles starting around Hnossa's eyes. Thirty years old, and she looked almost older than Freyja did. Tears filled Freyja's eyes and she caught her daughter's hand and kissed it.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Being a stupid child."

"Oh, Modir," Hnossa sighed. "We've talked about this a million times. Just because I'm mortal doesn't mean that I don't love my life. It's beautiful, and I love it. I love you, too."

"But you've sworn never to marry."

Hnossa stood and returned to her packing. "You've sworn never to remarry, is that so different?"

Freyja was silent. Was it different? Yes. Freyja had had Ve, she wasn't holding the world at arm's length because she wasn't going to be with the world long, Hnossa was. The goddess sighed. She held the world at arm's length because she was afraid of being hurt again. Was that so different from Hnossa? Were either of them so different than Bragi?

At least, Freyja thought, people can see his pain.

Unconsciously, she ran her hand over her swollen belly. What are you going to be afraid of, little one? What love will you keep at arm's length, and why?

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Freyja fairly purred as Tyr's strong, long fingers gently probed and rubbed up the arch of her left foot. Tyr chuckled, moving to the other foot.

"You have no idea how good that feels."

"I think you're letting me know."

The fire crackled warmly as Freyja lounged on the chaise in Tyr's house. A silk sheet was draped over her, and Tyr wore a robe as he massaged her feet. She let her head fall back, closing her eyes. She sighed in delight, sliding her free foot into Tyr's robe, pressing her toes against his warm stomach.

"Your toes are so small."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good. They're cute." Tyr ran his fingers lightly over her arch.

Freyja jerked her foot away, giggling. "Don't."

Tyr nodded, and picked up both of her feet to allow himself to slide onto the chaise. "Have you seen the new little prince?"

"Yes." Freyja nodded. "Frigga visits me often. I didn't know she was expecting, but I suppose with the war, she did not want to put him in danger, in case the Jotünns..." she trailed off. "Has it really been two months since they were defeated?"

"Two months and three days."

"Two months and three days." Freyja winced as she shifted to her side. "Prince Loki is such a solemn little baby."

"Are you alright?" Tyr rubbed Freyja's lower back.

"Yes. This happened with all my babies. False labour. She's not due for at least a month."

"Babies come early sometimes, don't they?"

"Mine have never-" She cried out as a sharp pain wrapped around her back and stomach. Her eyes met Tyr's. "There's a first time for everything, though." She cried out again. "No, no, this isn't how it's been-"

"I'll get Eir-"

Freyja shook her head. "No, take me home. My mother-"

She cried out again. Tyr grabbed her gown and started to help her dress as the contractions increased. She shook her head. "I can't- Go get my mother, they're coming too quickly, something's wrong. Hurry, please. Hurry!"

Tyr dragged on a pair of trousers and rushed out. Freyja took deep gulps of breath, cradling her stomach as the pain kept coming. Stumbling, she went to the bathing room and threw towels onto the floor, filling the tub with steaming water. She felt something wet on her legs and looked down to see the white towel staining pink.

"Tyr, hurry!" she gasped, fumbling to rip off her dress. Giving birth had not hurt this much since Hnossa! Freyja squatted next to the tub, holding onto it with one hand for balance, reaching beneath herself with the other. She couldn't feel the baby's head yet. Good. Gaea had time-

A hard contraction hit her, making her scream. She felt the small body inside her shift, pressing down. Was she open enough, or would the baby get stuck?

"Freyja?"

Freyja could have sobbed in relief when she heard her mother's voice. Gaea found her quickly, followed by Idunn and Hnossa. The matriarch wasted no time, rolling up her sleeves.

"Hnossa, support your mother. Idunn, soak some towels."

Hnossa crouched behind her mother, looping her arms around Freyja's shoulders, supporting her weight. Freyja screamed again, trying to bite it back but wholly unsuccessful. Gaea quickly washed her hands before she knelt, pressing her hands against Freyja's stomach and birthing channels . She swore fiercely.

"This isn't how it happened with the triplets," Idunn cried, her face pale as she threw a few towels into the steaming tub before turning off the water and coming to kneel beside her mother and grandmother. Her eyes widened. "Mor- Your stomach!"

Freyja glanced down, and her heart thudded. She was splitting open! No- she gasped, leaning against Hnossa. It was the scar that had never quite faded from when Atum had cut her open when he had stolen Hnossa's immortality, causing her to rapidly grow- The scar was glowing golden.

"Breathe," Gaea advised, and Freyja attempted to do just that.

Another shock of agony shot through her; it was the worst one yet, and black spots swam in front of her eyes. She was dimly aware of Hnossa laying her back and cradling her head, but as she gasped for air the pain was still there, making the black spots grow bigger.

"Mor? Mor, you're going to be alright," Idunn said.

"It's a girl," Gaea announced, and seconds later pure relief broke through the pain, at least momentarily. The sound of a baby's cries filled the bathing room. Hnossa helped Freyja sit up. Gaea had handed the baby to Idunn, who was gently cleaning her off.

Gaea placed her hands along Freyja's body, muttering musical words. The agony all but vanished into a dull ache. The scar along Freyja's belly stopped glowing. Idunn finished cleaning the baby, wrapping her in a clean towel and handing her to her mother.

"She's beautiful, Modir," Hnossa breathed.

"Don't start moving around, Freyja," Gaea warned. "We need to get the afterbirth off. Idunn, tie off the baby's umbilical cord."

Freyja looked at her tiny baby girl as her mother and daughters worked around her. She was red-faced like all her babies had been, lighter than Hnossa, Idunn, Var and Lofn had been, but heavier than the triplets. She was completely bald, which was not so unusual, and the little eyes that alternatively opened and then squeezed shut were dark blue. They would change over time, though. Would they turn green, like Atum's?

"You're mine," Freyja whispered to her new daughter. "My baby girl. My sweet Sigyn."

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"She's beautiful, Freyja." Frigga smiled at the little blue-eyed girl in her arms, bending down to kiss the tiny nose. "She'll grow up just as beautiful as the rest of your daughters."

"She's quieter than the others," Freyja replied.

As if to emphasize her point, Snotra, Sjofn and Syn went tearing through the parlour, shrieking with laughter, as Bragi chased them in his wheelchair, little Thor sitting on his stumped knee, a heavy rolling pin in his chubby little hands as he shouted gleefully. Bragi shrugged in a half-apologetic manner at the two women and continued rolling past.

Freyja cradled young Loki, whose vivid green eyes wouldn't stay still. They roved over the room before fastening on Sigyn and his mother. "Your little boy is quite quiet, as well."

Frigga nodded. "He's so different than Thor. I worry for him, sometimes. He doesn't let me know when he needs anything."

"Sigyn is like that, too," Freyja offered. "She rarely wakes me up at night when she's hungry."

"Loki does that as well!" Frigga exclaimed, and the two women laughed at how odd it was. "I'm afraid of starving him. I make Odin wake me up to feed our little prince."

"Mother usually has to wake me up. I don't know what I'd do without her right now." Freyja sighed. "I had no idea that weddings were so difficult to prepare! But then, I didn't have to do anything for mine besides show up."

"Mine was a nightmare."

Freyja's brow furrowed. "But I thought that you and Odin loved each other."

"We did. We do," Frigga sighed, and her voice grew bitter. "But we did marry just before Bor died and Odin took the throne. Plus he was the crown prince at the time, and we had to have all the fanfare and glitter that comes with it. I did not even get to choose my own wedding dress. I was stuffed into Odin's mother's old gown redone to fit my 'horse hips'."

"Horse hips?" Freyja repeated, incredulous. "Frigga, you've always been thinner than I am!"

Frigga shrugged. "You were always able to circumvent the cruelty of court."

"Because I would have slapped anybody who said anything about my hips," Freyja replied.

Frigga laughed. "You would, too! Oh, Freyja. You are a rare woman."

"I shouldn't be."

"I should return to the palace. It's going to be time for Thor's nap soon and it's exhausting trying to get him down."

Frigga and Freyja traded babies. The queen put hers in a pram, and Freyja put hers in a bassinet. Both babies fussed before growing quiet again.

"Thank you, Freyja," the queen whispered, embracing the younger goddess. "You have no idea how much I appreciate your friendship."

"I think I do. You're the only true friend that I have."

Frigga smiled, and together they went to collect Thor. The toddler kicked and screamed and wailed as his mother tried to put him in the pram with Loki. The baby started to cry, frightened by the noise. Frigga visibly tensed as she tried to soothe them both with no success. Freyja was certain that she saw tears in the queen's eyes.

Suddenly Thor stopped screaming. A smile blossomed over his face and he reached towards the door, cooing. Gaea and Frey had just entered.

"We were just going home," Frigga explained tensely, fighting to keep her son in the pram.

Gaea put an arm around her shoulder and tapped Thor's nose. "It's time for your nap, little precious," she said sternly.

"How do you do that, Mother?" Freyja muttered as Thor instantly curled up beside his still-wailing infant brother.

"Thank you," Frigga murmured, ducking her head as she pushed the pram out the door.

"I'll go watch the triplets, Freyja, you look tired," Gaea said, an odd furrow in her brow.

Frey went to Sigyn, picking her up and spinning her carefully through the air.

"Frey, she has to have a nap, too!" Freyja protested.

"Ah, but Sigs wants to play with Uncle Frey, don't you Sigs?"

"I told you not to call her that."

"Ginny then."

Freyja rolled her eyes and retrieved her baby from her twin. "Frey, please. She needs her rest."

"Very well." Frey tickled Sigyn under her chin. "Have you decided what you're going to do with your hair?"

"I think I'll let it keep going. After all, I'm as beautiful with red hair as I am as a blonde, aren't I? It's a good look."

Freyja smiled brightly, but truthfully she already knew she had no choice. Her hair was turning redder daily. It wasn't that it was growing out, even. The gold was changing. When she woke up every morning it was at least an inch further down. She had even tried to secretly dye it back to gold with an alchemist's help, but the effects had lasted less time than it took for her to walk home. What had Atum done to her?

The triplets ran through the parlour again, this time giggling conspiratorially, followed by Gaea. Sigyn yawned widely.

"I'd better get little miss Sleepy to bed," Freyja cooed.

"And you have a problem with me calling her Sigs?" Frey embraced his twin. "You look like you could use a nap as well. Which is just fine because..." he caught Bragi's chair as the younger god wheeled past. "...I have to take the groom to his fitting. Wedding robes don't spin themselves, after all! Where is the bride?"

"Idunn and Hnossa are going to welcome Skadi," Freyja replied. "She wanted to come a few days early, before Father and Gullveig arrived."

Frey's eyes flashed at the mention of Njord. "Have you decided where everybody is staying?"

"Njord and Aunt Gully are staying at the old house," Bragi replied for Freyja as Sigyn started fussing. "Skadi is staying here, Idunn and I will be honeymooning in Mother's palace quarters, and I was hoping that my brother could stay with you. If he comes."

"Of course," Frey agreed readily.

"I really have to get her down," Freyja interrupted. "I'll see you both later?"

After receiving an affirmative answer, Freyja carried the fussing baby upstairs to the relative quiet of the nursery. She laid Sigyn down in her crib, and then laid herself down on the narrow bed beside the crib. Sigyn quieted, although she made burbling noises. Freyja tried not to think of all the work she had to do. She closed her eyes to shut out her red hair, and was sleeping in seconds.

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Gaea was elbow-deep in flour, helping the triplets "make a present for Mor" when she felt the tingle go down her spine. She tensed. Another of the Elder Gods was in Asgard. She hurriedly brushed off her hands, calling in Var to keep an eye on the little girls.

Who are you? she demanded as she rushed towards the little glade where the intruder would enter through.

Forgive me for breaking my vow, little sister, but I am concerned.

Gaea let out a deep sigh of relief. Oshtur.

Yes.

Stepping into the glade, Gaea saw the indistinct body of light that was her sister. "Can we talk face-to-face?"

"As you wish." The light condensed into her sister's corporeal form. "Am I forgiven for coming without being called upon?"

"Yes." Gaea tightly hugged her older sister. "I have thought of calling for you, but I didn't want either of them to sense my distress."

"What ails you, Gaea?" Osthur's brows furrowed. "I have seen Atum not long ago under attack by Set, and he was fully prepared to let himself perish."

Gaea tensed. "You spoke with Atum?"

"Yes. And I attempted to speak with Thoth, but he does talk so strangely. I was able to deduce, however, that Atum had approached him, asking him to end his life as well. What reason he gave, Thoth had forgotten. When this was, I cannot say. Those sons of yours are peculiar, sister. One hardly knows what to make of them."

"Your son likes to flit around as a bird," Gaea shot back, but sank down onto a nearby log, digging her fingers into her hair.

Oshtur sat beside her and waited.

"Atum came to Asgard less than a year ago and..." Gaea couldn't bring herself to say it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "He did something terrible."

"By your countenance, am I right in the supposition that he harmed one of your other children?"

Gaea nodded tensely.

"Did he kill?"

"No."

"Maim?"

"No."

"I see." Oshtur was silent for a moment. "Rape. Who?"

"Freyja." A tear rolled down Gaea's cheek. "I cannot for the life of me think of any reason why he would do such a thing, sister. He has always been solemn and he has been in situations where he had no choice but to hurt or kill his siblings, but never anything like this... And I keep thinking, that when it was happening I received the same feeling of horror from both of them."

Oshtur frowned. "Have you considered that he was being forced as well?"

"Nobody can make Atum do something he doesn't want to do."

"You just said that others of your children have perished by his hand, and that in such situations he had no choice."

"Because Chthon had corrupted them. Freyja has done nothing wrong, and even if she had, what would justify such an action?" Gaea stared pleadingly at her sister, hoping that Oshtur would be able to shed some light on the whole situation.

"Perhaps it was not she that was being punished."

Gaea's brow furrowed.

"Atum has become fanatical about destroying anything that Chthon has touched."

"I don't understand what you are suggesting."

"Could Chthon somehow have coerced Atum into acting against his will? Is there nothing he would value above his sister?"

Gaea's voice wavered. "Once... he would have valued no life above hers."

"No one life...but what of many?" Oshtur smiled enigmatically before inclining her head to her sister and departing.

"Wait!" Gaea cried, but it was too late. She threw a rock at a nearby tree in frustration. Could it be? Could Chthon somehow have forced Atum to do what he did? Her heart rose. If that was true, somehow-

Gaea stomped on her rising hope. Atum would have told her, if that was the case. He wouldn't let Freyja live with the question of why. He wouldn't be such a coward, to hide in the shadows like he was doing.

My baby, what happened to you? she wondered, burying her face in her hands. She had to know why! Closing her eyes, she reached out for her son.

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Atum felt Gaea's presence brush at the peripheries of his consciousness, and withdrew further into himself. He couldn't ever face her again. Would she believe him, if he told her? No – what reason would she have to believe him? He could never tell her, or Freyja, the truth of why he had done what he had done. They wouldn't believe him, and he couldn't face that.