Thanks so much for reading so far. :)
Chapter Six
I hadn't slept since I'd gotten home and had consumed more coffee than I could imagine would be good for me, leaving me with an uncomfortable mixture of exhaustion and insomnia. I didn't even know where to start when it came to try to communicate with Catherine, I couldn't understand why she was avoiding me, but I had no idea what to say to her. I felt an endless hopelessness, like death had left its calling card, despite not taking me. Maybe she felt the same? But surely we should be helping each other, why was she pushing me away?
I managed to sit, restlessly, in my apartment til 7pm before changing from a pair of black cotton shorts and over-sized t-shirt into a three-quarter-length red shirt and dark grey jeans. I pushed my feet into my shoes, my torn soles sending a shooting pain through my body but I didn't care about them healing anymore. I grabbed my car keys and headed out the door.
The drive to work was quiet and I arrived at the lab in good time. I didn't know what I was going to do for the 5 hours before shift started but anything was better than being sat staring at the four walls of my apartment. I decided to make a start of the back log of cases that Grissom kept in his office, although I knew he had every intention of getting around to going through them there were never enough hours in the day for any of us.
I was grateful that he left his office open the majority of the time, meaning I could come and go as I needed. Catherine helped him out a lot of his admin work too, so it made sense for him to allow us access.
I took the seat behind his desk with the large box on my knees and shuffled through the files, although I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just something that could capture my attention. I pulled a file out: a murder of two teenagers in a swimming pool. I remembered it - Doc Robbins had found a large amount of drugs in their systems and water in their lungs and concluded that they had both drowned, but there had been defense wounds on one of the victims and Grissom had refused to close the case.
I placed the box back down on the floor next to Grissom's desk and turned my attention quickly to the tarantula on the desk. "Hello little buddy. How are you doing?" I asked.
He crawled around his glass box, oblivious to my existence.
"Don't worry, he ignores me too."
I looked up to see Grissom stood in the door way. "I was just grabbing an old case, to see if there was any thing we missed." I raised the manilla file in my hand.
He smiled appreciatively, but his expression turned to a small frown. "You know you should be at home."
"I would rather be here."
"You don't look well." He came over to his desk and I rose from the chair, realizing I was probably stopping him from sitting down in his own office.
"I feel okay." I lied.
He reached out and put his hand on my arm, "You left early this morning, were you feeling alright then?"
"I was just tired. Sorry." I replied, feeling a little guilty that I had left the lab two hours before my shift had been scheduled to finish.
"You don't need to apologize, just let me know next time, okay?"
I nodded and left his office, heading to the break room to read through the case file.
Unfortunately my attempts to solve the swimming pool double-murder didn't come to anything new and four hours later Grissom asked me to close the case and the team congregated in the break room as Grissom handed out the cases for the night.
"Nick and Warwick, you've got a 217." He handed over the address to the boys. "Cath and Sara, you're in the lab tonight, please," he looked up at both of us, and my expression matched Catherine's - annoyed disappointment at not being sent out on a case. "I'll take a 419 that's just come in," Grissom continued. "And I'm buying breakfast after shift, so don't be grabbing any 4am burgers."
"Nice one, boss." Warwick replied before he and Nick made their way out of the room.
"You two are on back log." Grissom spoke to Catherine and I before also leaving.
"It's probably best if we just go through the files in Grissom's office, that's where I left the box." I spoke to Catherine but avoided her gaze, glancing at my cellphone instead, although I already knew there would no new texts or missed calls. I left the break room and to my surprise Catherine followed me, I held the door open for her as I entered Grissom's office.
Leaving the only chair in the room for Catherine, I made myself comfortable on the floor and pulled the box between my open legs, my back pressed up against the wall. I shuffled through the files, although I knew what most of them entailed from my previous search, "Murder in a motel? Murder at a house party?" I tried to keep my tone light, like I wasn't feeling any of the emotions that I actually was.
Catherine sat down on the floor, opposite me, and watched as I flicked through the files. "Whatever you think might take my interest." She responded.
I looked up at her and caught her eye, I saw a softness and my heart filled with temporary relief, before she diverted her gaze to the box and I filled with sadness again. I passed her a file, "a couple murdered in their hotel room on their anniversary, no prints, no defensive wounds…" I trailed off, passing her the file.
She flicked through the papers, raising her eyebrows, "His life insurance was pretty hefty."
"I did my best to help you," I stuttered, allowing words to pour from my mouth before my mind could stop me, "when we were in the desert, I tried to save you, I didn't mean to make thing any worse for you, I'm sorry if you think I could have done more." I wanted to look at her but I couldn't bear to see her avoid my gaze again, so I stared at the files in my hands.
"It's not that, Sara." Catherine replied, her voice was quiet, but it wasn't harsh.
Then what was it?
I looked up from my files to ask her what she meant, only to find that she had left.
The rest of the shift seemed to drag; I spent most of it in the break room by myself, Greg came and talked to me for a bit but soon realized that I wasn't in the mood and left again. Catherine had gone back to Grissom's office after I'd left it, and I hadn't wanted to further upset myself by either being ignored or given cryptic answers by her.
Grissom and Nick soon joined me in the break room and made idle chatter as I tried to bring my case to a conclusion. I had been all over the lab looking for evidence boxes or people that had processed the evidence when the case had been open, unfortunately my research hadn't been a success. I planned to take the case home to read over again, but I knew I had to join the rest of the team for a breakfast I really didn't want to eat.
"I'm going to get pancakes, bacon and syrup." Nick grinned as we headed down the corridor - Warwick, Greg and Catherine joining us in reception.
"As long as I get a coffee, I don't care." Catherine smiled at the boys.
We made our way out of the lab and down the street a few hundred yards til we reached our usual diner. It was one of the few diners near to the lab and even though the food was basic, it was affordable and the staff were always nice. The restaurant itself had white painted walls, where photos of the family hung, there were lots of curved seats so large groups could sit together, as well as raised bar seats and stools dotted around. All the seats were covered in red leather and all the tables were made aluminum - it was the epitome of an American diner.
Grissom led us to one of the larger seating areas and we all slid into the curved seat - Greg to my right and Nick to my left, Catherine was on the other side of Nick. I remembered the last time we were here, Catherine and I had spent the whole time talking about a case we'd just finished (and solved) and she'd let me try her peanut butter milkshake. I remember her watching my lips as they had slipped over the straw, and my skin tingling as she had watched me sip the shake, oblivious to the fact I could see her looking at me.
Everything was different now. I let out quiet but exasperated sigh which unfortunately caught Greg's attention.
"Are you okay?" he asked me, concerned.
"Yes, sorry, just tired." I did my best fake grin and he seemed to buy it.
"So what can I get my favorite CSIs today?" Maggie, one of the waitresses was standing at the table with a notepad and pen in her hand, a sweet smile on her face. She was in her late fifties and married to the owner, who was the chef, and always seemed pleased to see us.
Everyone put in their food orders, and then it came around to me.
"Just a coffee, please." I smiled, praying that I could just order a coffee and the team would ignore the lack of food in my order.
"No, Sara," Nick raised his eyebrows at me, a little stern, "you have to eat something."
I wanted to frown at him, tell him where to shove his concern, I wasn't hungry, but I couldn't bring myself to be cruel to him, he was only looking out for me. "Some brown toast then, please." I wanted to be sick, I wanted to go to sleep, I wanted a beer. I wanted anything other than food, despite not being able to remember the last thing I ate.
Everyone, including Catherine, made small talk until the food arrived and as it did the conversation died down as everyone ate. I looked down at the toast on my plate, it had been so nicely arranged, with butter curls and a small dish of jelly on the side. I took a long sip of my coffee and allowed the liquid to warm my inside, it felt good. I spread the butter across the toast in front of me, hoping to be able to play with it until it went cold, and then make my excuses and go home. I could feel eyes on me and looked up from my food to see Catherine staring at me.
She looked worried and met my gaze, the longest amount of eye-contact we'd made since the desert, like she was trying to read my mind, before pushing away her plate of sausages and eggs, quietly saying something I hadn't been able to make out and leaving her seat.
"Catherine!" I called out after her, Nick and Grissom moving out of the way so I could get past them. I jogged to catch up with the blonde as she quickly made her way down the street back towards the lab. "Catherine, stop!" I reached out and grabbed her hand.
"Let go of me, Sara!" she turned to look at me and I could see tears running down her face.
"Tell me what's wrong, Cath." I pleaded.
"Leave me alone." She growled as she pulled her arm out of my grip and continued walking back to the lab.
I didn't dare try to stop her again. I ran my fingers through my hair, I was drained - I needed to go home. I walked slowly back to the lab parking lot so that I was sure Catherine would be gone by the time I got there.
My body was trembling with exhaustion and adrenaline from my altercation with Catherine as I drove home, and as I entered my apartment I was thankful it was only a few steps to my bedroom where I collapsed onto my bed and let sleep overtake my body.