I am so sorry about a lack of updates lately guys, I've had a really rough couple of weeks and have really only just found the time to sit down and write this. I hope to get back into updating regularly again now though, so looking to update again by the weekend.

Have a great holidays.

Chapter Fourteen

My mouth was dry, my palms sweaty as I sat fidgeting nervously on my couch, waiting for Catherine to arrive. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to try to calm myself but my breath shook in my chest and the confirmation that I was nervous seemed to make me more nervous.

I was meant to be meeting Lindsey tomorrow over dinner at Catherine's house, the thought of it scared me to death, not in the event itself but what it meant to Catherine and the sort of bond I was expected to make with Lindsey, like I was going to be someone for her to respect. I blamed myself for letting it get this far, when Catherine had mentioned previously that she anticipated I would have a friendship with Lindsey - I should have told her everything then, instead of spending hours in my bed with her, letting her fall for me, and in turn falling deeper for her myself. I heard the buzzer go and for a split second I debated not answering, I wanted to lock myself away with a bottle of cheap alcohol and forget everything - but I knew I couldn't do that to her.

I buzzed Catherine into the building and awaited her knock on my apartment door. Sure enough, within a few minutes there was a soft knock on the thick wood. I opened the door with a nervous smile, it was the best I could manage. Catherine slid her arms around my waist and kissed my lips with more tenderness than I could have ever imagined being shared in something so simple.

"I missed you." She purred as she nibbled on my earlobe gently. I so wanted to take her to bed and enjoy the beauty of her naked body against mine, but we had to talk.

I pulled away from the kiss gently and Catherine immediately sensed something wasn't right. I took her hand and led her over to the couch, sitting down next to her. I tried to control my nerves but I knew I was failing.

"You're shaking." Catherine said, worried, as she held one of my trembling hands in her steady ones.

"We need to talk about some stuff before I meet Lindsey properly," I explained, although I was already choking back tears, my gaze on the wall behind Catherine, as I knew that looking into her deep blue eyes would be a sure way to allow the tears in my eyes to pour down my cheeks. "It may change your opinion on whether or not we continue with our relationship."

"Sara, you're worrying me." Catherine replied, still keeping a comforting hold on my hand.

"I should have told you before, but...things seemed so perfect. I'm sorry." I knew I wasn't making much sense to her, I was probably making things worse by not being clear, but words were spilling from my lips before my mind could process them.

"Whatever it is, honey, we'll be okay."

Her reassurance seemed to give me the power to start my explanation, and I took a breath before starting to speak. "My childhood wasn't easy, my parents' relationship was volatile and... violent." I glanced up at the ceiling in an attempt to stop tears from falling, my voice cracking as I spoke."Most of my memories are of hiding under my bed or sitting in a hospital waiting room, and I don't really remember much about the night it happened but I knew when I heard the screas that it was different this time."

"When what happened?"

"When my mother murdered my father." I caught Catherine's glance and she seemed shocked. I would have been too if I were her.

There was a few seconds of silence before I found the words to continue. "I was in care til I turned eighteen, and I don't think I ever found a family I could settle down to. I started drinking a lot," I felt a hot tear escape down my cheek, despite my attempts to hold them back. "I was out of control for a long while, I've never really had the kind of life that most people would consider to be 'normal'."

"We've all got a past, Sara, baby. I didn't think you were any different-"

"Catherine, I had two parents who beat the shit out of each other. What kind of parent would that make me? What kind of person am I? What if I turn into one of them?" More tears slid down my cheeks and I didn't bother to try to contain them any longer. My breath hitched on a sob and I let go of Catherine's hand to bury my head into my hands. Hard sobs took over my body with a power I didn't know existed. I hadn't cried in front of someone for as long as I could remember. I hated Catherine seeing me like this, but I couldn't stop.

I felt Catherine's hand on me, rubbing my back gently.

"I'm so sorry." I choked, trying to get air into my lungs. "I wanted things to be so right for you and Lindsey and I-" Another sob interrupted me but I persisted as much as I could, "I'm not who you thought I was."

"You saved my life, sweetie, do you think that's the sort of thing that someone with a bad bone in their body would be capable of?" Catherine pulled me into a hug, leaning back against the couch so that I was laid on her chest. Her fingers brushed against my head gently, occasionally running through my hair. She placed a kiss on my forehead.

She held me for what seemed like hours, although I was unsure as to the exact length of time, my chest sore from the gut-wrenching sobs that had taken over me. I eventually felt a steady pace of breath return and I closed my eyes as I let myself become lost in the comfort of Catherine's body against mine. "I don't know who I am and it scares me." I told her, my voice a whisper. "What if there's a murder gene."

"I know who you are," Catherine replied softly. "You're the woman I love, that's all that matters, and I don't believe there's a murder gene."

I hadn't intended my words to Catherine to be like this, I had wanted so much to just tell her my past and let her make an informed decision about our future. I didn't know where my tears had come from, but relief filled my body that I had let them go and that Catherine was still by my side. "I would understand, y'know, if this was too much for you."

"I'm not leaving you, Sara. I love you and I know you're going to be fantastic with Lindsey, no matter your past."

I looked up at her and placed a kiss on her lips. She wiped my cheeks with her thumbs as I pulled away.

"I love you too." I replied before placing my head back on her chest.