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Chapter Eighteen

I knocked on Catherine's front door, my whole body filled with both dread and anxiety over how she would react when she opened the door, or if she would open the door at all. It was nearing 7am and the sun was just starting to make itself known, casting shadows over the lawn of the large front garden of the house. I imagined Lindsay playing here in the summer, and Catherine tending to the various well-kept flowers that lined the area, it made me want to smile and cry in equal measure. It took a few seconds for the door to open but as it did I saw Nancy on the other side.

"Hi." I said, awkwardly. "Is Catherine about?"

"She's not," Nancy's tone was a little cold. "She won't be back for a while."

"Can I wait for her? Or..." I trailed off. Catherine knew I would come here and she was avoiding me. A lump formed in my throat as I realized I had no other way to contact her - Ecklie had taken my cell as it belonged to CSI and I didn't have a landline so I couldn't even call.

"What have you done to your hand?" Nancy asked, concerned.

"I punched a wall." I replied honestly. Now wasn't the time to play games.

Opening the door a little more Nancy reached out with both her hands and took my hand, looking closely at my blood covered knuckles. "This needs cleaning and bandaging."

I frowned at her. Why was she helping me? I guessed it was in the nature of a nurse to want to help people but I was the woman who had just broken her sister's heart, I didn't deserve her kindness.

"Come in." she ushered me into the house and closed the front door behind me. "Go and sit in the living room. I need to get some dressings and water."

I looked around the hallway, like I knew it would be the last time I would be in Catherine's house and I wanted to absorb every detail - the many photos that lined the spare wall space, the fresh tulips that sat in a vase on a stand near the door, the hint of Catherine's perfume in the air.

I headed into the living room and took a seat on the large black leather couch that ran along the length of one of the walls. The decor of the room was clean and simple - the walls painted in a warm cream color, the floor was a gray carpet and two of the walls were lined with bookcases, a large TV was opposite the couch I was sat on.

It didn't take long for Nancy to join me in the room, taking a seat on the couch next to me. She placed a large bowl of water on her knees and dipped a cotton cloth into the water, taking my hand in hers again and dabbing softly at the dried blood.

"Catherine told me what happened." Nancy spoke.

"I wanted to explain things to her." I replied, trying not to wince at the movement across my knuckles despite Nancy's gentleness.

"Even if you did it wouldn't change anything." Nancy explained, "Catherine takes loyalty very seriously and she doesn't forgive easily."

"I didn't mean for things to turn out like this." Tears escaped down my cheeks and I felt myself blush that I was being so emotional in front someone I had only met once before.

"If Catherine is ever going to forgive you it'll be on her terms and in her own time. Your being here won't make that process any faster," Nancy continued to wipe away the blood from my hand, showing the deep bruising that was starting to spread across my skin. "You went behind her back and lied to her, Sara, you can't expect her to just let that go."

I couldn't stop the tears from falling and I could no longer form words with the lump in my throat. I just sat in silence as Nancy continued to clean my hand, and then wrap a cotton bandage around my fingers and knuckles.

"I think you've probably broken your hand, Sara," she explained, "you'll need to get it properly x-rayed and cast at hospital, but this will keep it secure in the mean time."

I nodded in acknowledgement of her words as we stood from the couch.

"I never had a problem with you two, I've just seen Catherine's heart broken too many times, Sara, and I couldn't bear to see it happen again." Nancy wrapped her arms around me gently. "When I met you I could see in your eyes how much you loved her, I know you didn't mean any harm. Be safe."

I choked out my thanks to the young blonde for her help before exiting the house. I debated going to the nearest bar but what good would that do? I also considered Nancy's advice about going to the hospital but I dreaded accidentally bumping into Nick and quickly dismissed that idea. I decided to head home in the hope that I would find some comfort in being in my own space again.

I carefully slid off my jacket as I closed the front door behind myself. My apartment seemed so quiet and empty without Catherine here. I tossed my jacket onto the kitchen work surface on my left and headed in to the bedroom in the hope of getting some sleep. I stopped dead in my tracks as I reached the doorway of my bedroom - seeing the crumpled sheets of where Catherine and I had lay not long ago, her hairbrush was on my dresser, a glass on the table on her side of the bed from when I had gotten her a drink. It felt like a moment of time had died and this was all that remained.

I couldn't stay here.

I pulled a rucksack from my wardrobe and, a sob escaping my lips, I pulled a few t-shirts and jeans into the bag, tears poured down my cheeks and onto the clothes as I packed them. I added my toothbrush and some underwear into the rucksack before zipping it up. I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest; the pain was almost unbearable and my mind was screaming so many different things I couldn't stand it. I knew Nancy was right when she said Catherine didn't forgive easily and I didn't expect her to.

I felt like I was on the edge of self-destruct - I had attacked one of my best friends and if Warrick hadn't have pulled me away it could have been so much worse. I was scared of myself. I had seen it in Catherine's eyes - when she had shouted out my name as she stood and watched my fist collide with Nick's face. She was afraid of me too.

I placed the key to the apartment on the kitchen counter, slipping my jacket back on and slinging my rucksack over my shoulder.

It was time to leave.