Chapter 20:

Days and nights flowed together.

I had stopped thinking completely, because my thoughts had turned into a dangerous place. All I did was sleep and sleep and sleep. Sometimes I would be forced to eat something, but whoever it was soon realised that it wasn't working.

It wasn't until late one night that I let myself think about what happened. For some reason I had woken up, pulled from my bleak dreams into my even bleaker reality. I tried falling asleep, but it seemed the luxury had been taken from me.

Images of Haku's death started to flood my brain. His face before they pulled me away, the weight of his head on my legs and the sounds of the people that stood around us. All the things I missed while in my state of madness.

Tears I didn't know I had started flowing again, and I let it. Lying on my back I just let the memories fill me, embracing them rather than running away from them.

Finally I felt the first rays of light slide across my face, and by then I had already decided what I needed to do. My body shook a little as I got up and starting looking for my bag, hoping everything was still inside it. When I finally did find it I made quick work of putting on my own clothes and grabbing my sneakers.

The entire building was quiet as I slipped into Zeniba's office. I found a piece of paper and wrote a short note, saying that I left and that I was truly thankful for everything they've done for me. If I could I would have written something for everyone, but that would make leaving all that much harder.

Leaving the note on her desk I walked out of the office, down the lift and out the front door. I had held up well until then, but the moment my eyes locked on to the red bridge I felt my throat constrict painfully.

As fast as I could I sprinted over it, not looking back until I knew I wouldn't see it behind me. I reached the river fast and slowly climbed over the rocks again. The path was still a little muddy, but I barely noticed as I walked to the old amusement park building.

When I reached the building I paused, deciding to do the one thing I wasn't allowed to the last time I left. Slowly I turned around, almost expecting Haku to stand on the steps, looking for me. But he wasn't, and he never would again.

Blinking back tears I faced the door again. My hands shook as I took hold of the handle, twisting it until I felt the lock slide open. Slowly I pulled the door open and stood looking in.

Everything looked exactly the same, almost as if not a moment had passed since I had left. In a way it made my choice easier. I could either go back to a place where I'll be completely broken, or I could go back to the real world where, ironically, I won't have to face my worst problem.

Without another look over my shoulder I stepped into the human world, pulling the door shut behind me. I had barely let the door go before my knees buckled and I fell, hands and knees on the ground. Tears fell to spot I was staring at, completely shocked at what I had done.

I didn't even get a moment of grief, thanks to the voices and footsteps in the passage to the room I was in. Moments later two men dressed in uniforms entered the room, calling what appeared to be my name. I jumped up from where I had been crouching and backed up against the door.

One of the officers spotted me and nudged his partner. "There she is!" he called, and they both took of jogging in my direction.

What was going on? Where they really still looking for me after I had been gone for months. No, they wouldn't still be looking in the same place, they would have extended their search away from there. "Miss Ogino" the shorter officer said politely "We have been looking for you, your parents are quite worried" the taller one continued.

I must have looked really stupid standing there, just staring. The two men looked at each other before making way for me to walk out in front of them. I hadn't even thought about what I would tell my parents when I saw them again, at least I was only gone for one night instead of months.

The two officers escorted me to their car parked at the entrance. The ride back home was a long and silent one. The tall officer tried asking me a few questions, but I knew that if I spoke I would cry so I simply kept my mouth shut. After a while he gave up, chatting away with his partner until they stopped in front of my house.

One of the police men came around and opened my door for me after a while. It looked like they had talked to my parents without me ever realising that they had left. Only when I was half way to the door did I look up.

Both my parents were standing by the door, a look of uncertainty on their faces. I walked up to them and the officers said goodbye, leaving me with them. My parents went into the house and waited until I had followed them.

"Chihiro…" my mom started to say, but I was already on my way up the stairs. I'd rather not face them than try to explain why I had left.

My room hadn't been touched since I had left. At first I had wondered why that was, but then I recalled that to them I was still here the previous day. To me it felt like ages ago, I could barely remember what my reason for leaving was in the first place.

I dumped my bag on the ground and climbed into bed, covering my entire body before curling into a little ball.

Who knows many hours passed before I heard a soft knock on my door. I didn't even bother pulling the blankets back when my mom entered the room. I could tell by the way she walked that it was her, my father sounded much heavier and much clumsier.

"Honey?" she asked as she sat down at the foot of my bed, resting her hand on my hip. When I didn't say anything she went ahead. "Your dad and I just wanted to you to know that we're not mad at you for running away, we understand why you felt the need to" she said in the kindest voice I had heard her use in a very long time.

"And if you want to talk about it, I'm right here" she finished. Slowly I sat up, the sheets falling away from my face. I sat still for a heartbeat before throwing myself at my mother, pressing my face in her chest and crying. She didn't even seemed shock by my outburst, she simply wrapped me in her arms and held me.