Chapter Five
I was given clear instructions on what type of clothing to get, and how much I was allowed to spend as we got to the store. As it turned out, and to my surprise, I was allowed to pick out whatever I wanted, which was something I didn't take lightly.
I'd never really gotten to choose my own clothes before. Just stuff I wouldn't wear, versus stuff I had no choice but to wear, because there were no other choices.
The mostly old, stretched out sweaters that had the lingering smell of stale cigarettes and cats. Jeans that seemed like they were meant to be tossed into the trash, but landed in the 'give away' pile instead. It was rare to find something nice in the pile of shit Jack brought home for me.
Jack gave me a general idea of what I'd need to get. T-shirts and jeans. Pajamas, preferably thin ones. New shoes, and whatever else I might need. Socks, underwear, the like.
I was given two hundred in cash, and sent in alone. Jack waited out in the truck, telling me to make it fast, which I just couldn't do. It was clear to me that he hated letting me do this, but given permission, I couldn't pass it up.
I took my time. I carefully poked through the aisles, not particularly eager to make it quick. I knew I had to be careful, find sturdy clothing that would last. I wasn't after the clothes that looked good.
Nothing too thick, or too heavy. But nothing too thin, or too light either. Nothing too small, or constricting, but not loose enough to bare any skin over my upper shoulders. It was hard finding the right sizes, but I managed to figure it out on my own.
I liked the darker colors. In case I accidentally bled on them, it'd be easier to get the stain out. Blacks, dark grays, browns, dark greens, dark blues. Purples, even a dark maroon color. I pawed through sweaters and long sleeved t-shirts. Wondering what it'd be like to not have to live my entire public life covered from neck to toe.
With a lot left over, I chose a few more long sleeved sweater shirts, just so I'd have some sort of variety when we got back from wherever we were going. I didn't know when I'd get this opportunity again. I knew he'd approve of me not spending it all, which he did. He gave me a nod, taking the change I offered him. Even the pennies.
We got back to the house just before nine, and Jack left me alone from there. Not even caring what all I got. He left with another grumbled warning to stay home, and I was alone again.
At his instruction, there was an old duffel bag in my mom's closet I could use to pack the new stuff in, which I did. Carefully folding everything, I packed the things I needed. Neatly, otherwise Jack would throw everything at me and tell me to do it again. I couldn't leave any obvious reason for him to do so.
While Jack was gone, I couldn't help the nap I decided on. Falling asleep for a few hours. I needed to rest, and I couldn't get it any other time, so I took the opportunity.
I woke long before I was ready to, but I knew it'd be stupid to let him catch me sleeping when he came home, so I decided I'd try to gain some points by finishing picking things up around the house, and starting a burn. Maybe I'd earn something to eat instead of a beating, but I wasn't counting on that.
I wore a pair of my trashier pajama pants and an old light blue hooded sweatshirt that I'd stolen from my mom awhile back. Pulling the hood over my head, I made my way out back. Thankfully, it wasn't raining today, but I could feel the moisture in the air that hit my skin. It wasn't raining, but it was definitely a wet day.
I wrestled the lock free of the dog run. Sighing as I took three big bags from the middle of the pile and kicked a fourth one toward the filthy burn barrel off toward the trees.
Ignoring the mice that ran from the pile.
Inevitably, I was covered in black ash right away. Always, because I had to take the ash that didn't burn away the last time and do something with it, otherwise the barrel would fill up, which was dangerous. Another barrel sat off to the side that I could shovel the ash into. It basically washed away with the rain in that one, never getting more than half full at any given time.
I tossed two bags in first, got the fire going, and grabbed the stick I used to keep the pile down. I didn't mind burning stuff so much. It was pretty easy, and actually nice to just stand there, watching the fire for awhile. Now and then stirring and poking the stuff in the barrel to make it burn evenly.
How long I was out there depended on the weather, and how confident I felt that I could stand the cold water later to get cleaned up. If I was brave, I'd burn six or seven bags at a time. Or finish the pile with ten.
Today, I chose only five bags, kneeling on the dirt when standing got too tiresome. Burning was boring, though, because it took about an hour for everything to turn to ash. There wasn't a whole lot to do while watching it, and I wasn't brave enough to wander off while it was going. While I waited, I watched the flames, and I thought.
I wondered how much Alice hated me for not being home when she came by. I wondered if she actually came by like she said she would. I felt bad for not being here, but I had no choice. I still felt bad, though, for not giving her a heads up.
I stayed kneeling there for what felt like hours to me, just watching. I had to move a few times, as I got too warm next to the fire, but that was it for the movement. I was sure Jack would be at least a little happy with me for doing this. Unless somehow I did manage to burn down the house. Then he'd kill me. No questions asked.
"Leandra?" I stood quickly, turning sharply at Alice's voice behind me. I smiled a little, having not expected to see her there. She'd rounded the house, Carlisle following to my surprise, "What are you doing?"
"Just burning some trash." I replied with a small shrug. It didn't surprise me that Alice didn't recognize anything about what I was doing. She probably came from a much better part of town, wherever she lived. Where I lived, this was a normal and necessary chore.
"You're filthy." She frowned, coming to my side.
"Someone's gotta do it." Was all I said, sighing.
She was quiet, but she seemed upset. Carlisle stood to her other side, and given the concern in his eyes as he looked to me, my late night the night before showed in my tired expression.
"Uhm.." I paused, glancing up at the cloudy sky, "This should be about done. Just let me put some dirt on this, and we can go inside. It'll be fine with as rainy as it's been lately." I'd been burning trash since I was five, and had yet to burn anything down, so I was pretty confident that I knew what I was doing.
I hesitated only a second before reaching for the small shovel leaning against the wooden tool box a few steps away. I hated going near that box. The same box I'd lived in for three days.
"Here." I glanced over as Carlisle spoke up, starting forward, "Let me do that for you."
"Oh no." I said, surprised, "You don't have to. I can do it." He gave me an insistent look, and I sighed, "Well, okay. If you really want to.." I hesitantly let him take the shovel from me, dusting my hands off on my jacket. I felt horrible letting him do my work for me, but I really wasn't up to arguing with him.
"Let's get you cleaned up." Alice was still upset, and I couldn't understand why. I glanced back at Carlisle as Alice placed her hand on my back, leading me toward the back door.
"Are you sure?" I asked, my eyes still on Carlisle, "I really can do it."
"I promise it's fine." He replied, giving me a small confident smile and a nod. I let Alice lead me up the shaky back steps, and in through the door.
I pursed my lips as Alice closed the door behind her, standing in the back room with me. Back here was where the washer and dryer sat, but I wasn't allowed to use either one of them. Further to the right, was the second door to the master bathroom.
I sighed, leading her from the small laundry hall, into the kitchen.
"I don't like that he has you doing that." Alice spoke up, and I looked over at her.
"Oh, that's not that bad." I replied honestly, "It's easy if you know what you're doing. Anyone with half a brain-cell would know what not to do to keep from burning the forest down."
"It's not the forest I'm worried about, Leandra." She was still unhappy. I must have pissed her off by not being here this morning.
"I'm really sorry I wasn't here earlier." I murmured, stepping through the kitchen toward the bathroom, "Jack took me to get some clothes." She followed me, standing in the bathroom doorway as I turned on the light.
"He did?" She asked, watching as I took the one washcloth I had use of and turned on the cold water. I climbed up onto the sink, kneeling on the counter and seeing all the ash coated on my cheeks. No wonder she thought I was filthy. I definitely looked it.
I'd tried to be careful, but that wasn't always achievable when ash got everywhere seemingly on its own.
"Yeah." I mumbled, wetting the cloth. I had to be careful how much I wiped off with Alice watching me. Well, I figured, why bother? She'd obviously already seen the bruise, but I still didn't feel comfortable uncovering it with Carlisle around. So I dabbed the ash over the concealer away. Carefully removing it.
She stayed in the doorway, watching me as I cleaned my hands and the smudges off my cheeks.
"Which is your room?" She asked, and I looked to her, "So I can get you clean clothes." My jacket and pajama bottoms were dirty, so I knew why she'd ask, but the thought of her going into my room for any reason scared me. Not only because of the blood-stained carpet, but the holes in the wall. From me hitting it, or Jack punching it instead of me.
"Um." I froze a little, my heart sinking, "I'll get it."
"Really, I can." She offered, and I instantly hopped down. She turned, sighing.
"Wait." I mumbled, watching as she headed for exactly the right door, "Alice, let me." Thankfully, the back door opened, and Carlisle came inside, taking her attention as well as mine.
"That was quick." I muttered, surprised. It took me longer than that on my best day.
"Those steps are highly unsafe." He murmured with a small frown. I didn't know what to say to that, sighing. The whole damn house was highly unsafe, but I kept that to myself. I still wasn't sure if I trusted him yet, but Alice moving again regained my attention. To my relief, she only moved toward the living room.
"I'll be right out." I muttered, and she gave me a nod as she looked around tensely. I made sure neither of them were looking before shoving open my bedroom door quickly and slipping inside through a two inch opening. Closing it firmly behind myself.
I took a few seconds to breathe. My head was still spinning at the fact that they had bothered to actually come back a second time. Now both of them were in the house, which really made my mind spin.
I quickly pulled on cleaner clothes, shedding my sweatshirt and trading that for one of my old, torn sweaters. Jeans, of course. I had nothing else, really. Leaving my shoes off, I left the room again. Closing the door behind me firmly, I made sure there was no way for it to come open on its own. Kicking it to test it.
Slowly stepping back out, I spotted the two of them standing there. Well, Carlisle stood there. Alice wandered slowly, looking around.
"Better?" I asked quietly, and she looked to me. Nodding a little. Watching her look around, I was glad I'd picked things up a little more.
"That's not one of the new ones, is it?" She asked, and knowing she meant my sweater, I shook my head.
"No." I sighed, "I'm not allowed to wear them yet." She glanced to me.
"Why not?" She asked, continuing to look around. She still seemed agitated, and I didn't understand it. The place was cleaner now than it had been before. I turned, taking the now open spot beside Carlisle to watch her curiously. Glancing up at him, I noticed he watched her too. Next to Carlisle, though, it was easy to see how small I was. I didn't focus too much on that.
"Not until we get to wherever we're going." I clarified, "We're leaving tomorrow."
"Leaving?" She seemed far more interested in that, "Where are you going?"
"I don't know." I admitted, "He won't tell me."
"He's taking you away?" She asked again, seeming disappointed.
"I know. I'd rather stay too, but since mom left, he thinks we need to go somewhere I guess." I replied with a slow shrug. It still bothered me, thinking about my mom leaving. I sighed, looking down.
"How long will you be gone for?" She asked. I hesitated, half surprised, half confused about why she'd ask. I wasn't used to the forward way she was asking these things.
"I really don't know." I answered again, "He didn't tell me anything, except that we were leaving tomorrow." I waited a few seconds for her to ask another question, "Maybe it's better he doesn't tell me anything. Less stuff to dread that way."
I watched her, almost transfixed, as she wandered over to the coffee table. Cleared of any beer bottles, but she picked up something that always made me nervous. No matter who held it.
Jack's folded utility knife. I hated that thing. I never touched it. If I had to, it was only to give it to him. The sound of it clicking open always made me jump, and unconsciously, I took half a step back as it did so now. My heart pounded uncomfortably.
There was a story behind that thing. He must have forgotten it today, as he usually kept it on him at all times. It usually lived in his pocket.
"Alice." Carlisle spoke, and I had to look over, forcing myself to breathe as she closed it again and put it back down on the table with a light thud. Noticing her looking down at it with what I could only guess was disgust.
"So he didn't tell you anything about where you're going?" She asked again, and I shook my head.
"That's nothing new, though." I murmured, still trying to calm down.
I glanced back up when she didn't reply, seeing that she was looking closer. I met her gaze, and her eyes grew concerned. As if she could see right through all my careful face paint. Just like the other day.
"I think you should come over." She finally told me firmly, and yet again, I was taken off guard. Surprised by the sudden way she said that.
"Over?" I asked, "Like, to your house?"
"Yes." She said, "You haven't really gotten to meet everyone yet." I turned, glancing to the clock. The first thing I thought of, as usual, was how long I had until Jack got back. If he went in late today, that meant he'd be home sooner.
"I shouldn't." I replied quietly, "He'll be home soon, and if I'm not here, he'll get mad. He told me to stay here." With an extra beat of my heart, I remembered the box, and I started to shake my head. I thought about everything Jack told me that morning.
"I just want you to meet the others before you go." She insisted, "We won't keep you long." I wasn't sure why she wanted this so much. Like it mattered to her.
"I-I can't." I wish I could tell her why.
Going over to their place was the opposite of making them forget my name.
I was supposed to make them forget me. Not make more friends. I was torn between what Jack told me, and what I wanted. I liked Alice. It wasn't fair. I wanted a friend. This was a once in a lifetime kind of chance. Jack just didn't understand that.
Maybe if I told him about how I dreamed about her, he'd let me keep talking to her. Maybe if I told him this wasn't just someone who'd seen me, but someone I'd seen, he'd calm down about it. I doubted it, but I didn't let myself think too much about that.
Something was telling me, tempting me to take her offer.
"Please?" She really wanted this, and I found it harder to keep telling her no. She was too nice of a person to deny, and it was harder to keep telling myself no. She didn't even know what she was asking of me, though.
"How far away do you live?" I asked quietly after a moment of thinking.
"Twenty minutes, tops." She replied, and I started to consider it. I had two and a half hours before I needed to be back, so I sighed.
"I have two hours before I have to be back here." I told her, "That's when he gets home." Why was I even considering it? Jack had told me to stay, but she was wanting me to go. Why was it even considerable? Why was I even tempted?
"Two hours." She agreed, nodding. So I sighed.
"Okay." I mumbled, glancing up at Carlisle, "I just have to get my shoes."
What was wrong with me today? What was wrong with me lately? I wasn't myself. That hadn't happened before. Normally, what Jack told me specifically stuck. It must have been the once in a lifetime thing. I wasn't willing to just let it pass. Despite that, though, it scared me to go against what Jack told me to do.
I understood the consequences of what I was choosing to do. Alice didn't, but that wasn't her fault. I knew how much trouble I could get into. She didn't. Until she did understand, there was no way she could know how hard this was for me.
I slowly stepped around Carlisle, a frown on my face as I headed back toward my room. I didn't know how to feel about her insisting. I was both grateful for her insisting, but uneasy.
I pushed open my bedroom door, stepping over the stained carpet to my shoes by the bed. I listened for any hints they were about to follow me, the one squeak in the floor in the hallway, but never heard it. So I kept my gaze down. It would have been far easier to just close the door behind me like I had done before, but I was already across the room when I remembered that. I sighed, questioning my ability to think. Shaking my head, I blamed it on being tired.
And I was. I was already very tired. Like I could just lay down and sleep for days.
It wasn't that I didn't want to go. I wanted to go. I just didn't want to get into trouble, or be shoved into the box for going. I had to find out what made Alice so special, and I had a strong feeling I would find out if I let them take me home.
I shook my head, sighing as I continued on with my task. I was taking a huge, huge chance. A major risk, and that fact wasn't lost on me. I just needed to be a little brave.
I'd go there, find out there actually wasn't anything special about these people, and be disappointed, but at least I'd cure my curiosity.
I'd just gotten one foot into the first shoe when I was startled.
"Leandra?" Carlisle called, his voice closer to the room. I jumped up quickly, racing across the room with my other shoe in my hand as I left the room, slamming the door behind me as I looked up at him.
Standing there, we watched each other for a moment. Me leaning back against the closed bedroom door, looking up at him watching me with gentle suspicion in his eyes. I didn't dare move until I was sure he hadn't seen the room I'd just left.
"I just wanted to let you know to grab a jacket." He finally said quietly, "It's a little cold out."
"I'm okay." I answered just as quietly, if not quieter, "I'm pretty tough." Not to mention, the only jacket I had was currently coated in ash that didn't smell too good.
"Okay." He allowed, not pressing, much to my relief. Slowly, I stepped away from the door. Glancing up at him as I stepped passed.
"Thank you." I murmured, "By the way. For.. Outside."
"You're welcome." He replied, following me back toward the living room. I took a calming breath, looking to Alice still standing there. I paused against the wall, leaning against it as I pulled my other shoe on. Ignoring the pain as I did so. My heart skipped a beat, but I was otherwise fine.
I was getting better at that, I thought to myself. It was always harder when the wounds and bruises were fresh.
I tied my shoe quickly, sighing as I stood upright.
"I have to be back before he gets home." I stressed, coming to Alice's side, "Okay?"
"Of course." Alice assured me, "You will be."
I left with them, feeling more nervous now, but I comforted myself with one thought. If Carlisle had seen any hint of my room, there was no way he'd be so calm. No way in hell.
It was a close call, and I had to be more careful.
Once again, I was in the front passenger seat, but this time I wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I was before. Just nervous. Until one thought tried to steal any confidence I might have had.
What if Jack got off work early? If I wasn't there when he got back, I'd be in so much trouble.
"Leandra," Alice spoke from the backseat, distracting me enough to keep me from panicking, and I looked to her, "I wish I knew how to word this in a way you won't be offended, but here goes nothing." I waited, "You look horrible." I looked down instantly, unsure how to reply, "You look so tired."
"I know." I mumbled in response, "I'm always tired."
"Don't you get enough sleep?" She asked, and I couldn't help feeling as if she had been waiting for the opportunity to ask that question. There was no pause to think of the question, just a split second of hesitation.
"No." I replied quietly. Simple. One word answer, and that didn't seem like such a bad question to answer.
"Why did your mother leave, Leandra?" Alice asked, and I kept my eyes down. Sighing quietly. More personal questions. It really did seem like she was interrogating me, but in a subtle sort of way.
"I don't know," I mumbled, "But it's not fair."
"What do you mean by that?" Carlisle asked, and for a moment I was surprised that he'd take an interest in my life. Sure, he'd helped me earlier, but that was different. I felt in the way enough, what with Alice insisting they come all the way to Sappho two days in a row. I figured the least I could do was answer him.
"It's not fair that she got away when I can't." I turned my gaze out the window, "That she'd just leave me behind like trash."
"That's never easy, Leandra." Alice murmured, and I shrugged. Trying to hold back my emotion as she continued, "I can't tell you for certain what she was thinking, but maybe she just didn't have time to take you. Maybe she only had a short amount of time to leave."
"Maybe." I mumbled bitterly, "I shouldn't even be complaining. I don't even know why I expected anything different. I should be happy she's gone."
I lightly rested my head against the window, closing my eyes. I was exhausted. The heat in the car was making it tough to stay tense. I stifled a yawn, biting my lip as I did so. Wincing slightly as the action brought me pain.
"Has she always been that way?" Alice asked quietly, and I knew what she meant. How'd I know this question was going to come up?
"Yeah." I muttered, my head still against the window, "For as long as I can remember." It was clear she didn't know what to say to that, "I'm sorry you had to see that."
"I'm sorry you had to deal with that." She countered, and I didn't even look at her. I pursed my lips a little, sighing. It was quiet for a moment as we found the highway. The one that'd take us from Sappho to Forks. It was this road that turned into main street.
"Leandra," Carlisle spoke again, and I looked to him, "I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be truthful with me." Why did they always warn me before telling me something? Sure it was nice to have a heads up, but that didn't make it any easier to answer.
"Okay." I mumbled hesitantly, waiting tensely.
"What happened to your lip?" The forward way he asked that question made my heart drop, and I looked down. Nervously biting my lip again, gently trying to subtly hide it.
"How do you guys see so much?" I asked quietly. I knew it was pointless to deny it, not when he seemed so certain. I added, "Nobody ever sees so much."
I waited, and he waited. Obviously neither of us wanting to answer the other's question. I kept my eyes on him, and he kept glancing to me. The silence answering for me.
I didn't even know how I knew to ask that one question. It was the one question that kept him from insisting I answer, which was exactly what I needed. I wished I could tell him, but there was just so much standing between me and admitting the truth.
It seemed like in no time at all we were getting to Forks, and even less time to pass right through it. The trip to their house wasn't very long, but it worried me. The entire way, I was thinking about what would happen if Jack got home early.
Since he specifically told me to be there, it was so hard to go against what he told me to do. I was questioning my sanity yet again, for even thinking about going against what he specifically told me.
Despite the worry, I watched, fascinated as Carlisle turned off the highway, onto a drive mostly hidden in the trees. It was a very remote area, I could already see that. Not many places were this hidden. Not around here.
I thought where I lived was pretty out of the way, but even our road wasn't this hidden, and it definitely wasn't paved. This one was.
"Leandra," Alice spoke a moment later, "I want to ask you something. And I want you to be truthful with me." Again with that line. I sighed in slight irritation, waiting as I turned slightly to look back at her, "You recognized me that day." So she had noticed. I neither nodded or shook my head, staying quiet as I looked at her, "You told me you did."
To be honest with myself, the fact that she hadn't asked about Jack eased me, but what she was asking about now made me less likely to speak. It puzzled me how she knew to ask about it, but it also scared me. I couldn't explain it to her any more than I could explain it to myself.
"Do you recognize anyone else?" She asked, and I looked down. Taking my silence as an answer, she smiled again, "Like you've met us before, right?"
"What does this have to do with anything?" I asked quietly. My soft tone was defensive again, giving away how I felt. I wasn't about to admit that I knew what she was talking about. I didn't want to tell her that I remembered them from a dream I'd had two days ago. Not only would she probably laugh her ass off at me, but she probably wouldn't want to be my friend anymore.
For a moment, I was distracted by the fact that I actually considered her to be a friend. That was incredibly dangerous of me to do. For her, and for myself and I knew it, but I hadn't even noticed it happening. I wanted to keep her safe from Jack, but I also wanted her to be my friend.
"There's a reason." She answered, and I was momentarily distracted, turning my eyes back out the window as we broke free of the trees, and approached a rather large house. I had to stare. A dull ache swam through my head as I looked at the large house, my eyes glued to its beauty.
Some part of me felt like I'd been here. I was sure I had been here.
Alice's eyes were on me, watching my reaction closely. I smiled just a bit, unable to help it. My mind struggled, aching the entire time, to recall where I'd seen this house before. It was very confusing, and very disorienting, but I had no control over it.
"I see that." I looked to Alice, her smile throwing me off. I looked down as I forced my smile to fade.
"I'm only smiling because this place is bigger than three of my houses put together." I muttered, "This looks more like a museum than a house." She laughed a little.
I wasn't sure why I was intimidated, but something about the way she looked at me made me think she expected something of me. Maybe to say something, or to do something, I really wasn't sure. So I just turned my gaze back out the window.
It started to hit me, however. Whether I recognized their house or not, I was being taken to a stranger's house. Despite the fact that I knew them, in some weird, indescribable way. They were still strangers to me, and I had to decide whether or not I trusted my dream enough to test it this way.
I didn't know these people. Not well enough to let them take me to their house. They could be some kind of kidnappers. Isn't that what kidnappers did? Earn the trust of the kid, and take them away?
That thought didn't seem so bad to me. Anywhere with them had to be better than anywhere with Jack. I was still hesitant, however, glancing to Carlisle again. Did I trust him? Had he given me a reason not to trust him? He hadn't. Would I find any reason in the world not to trust him? I would.
Alice had treated me nicer in the last two days than I remembered anyone else treating me my whole life, which is why I would have been okay with being kidnapped. I didn't mind that part so much.
Once in the garage, and once we'd stopped, Alice climbed out and immediately opened my door for me. I hesitated, unsure for a moment.
"Come on." She said, "It's okay."
"Maybe I should go back." I mumbled.
"Not yet." She replied, "Come on. It'll be okay."
I was intimidated. Scared. I didn't exactly know what was going on, but it had become suddenly clear to me that they knew something about me that I didn't know they knew, and I didn't like that. Carlisle stood from the car as well, but I stayed.
"It'll be okay." She repeated as she peered in at me, but I had to stay firm. Not when it came to not knowing where I stood. It wasn't that I didn't trust them. I just didn't like not being told everything, and I knew somehow that I needed to progress and tread carefully. I shook my head, choosing to stay sitting.
"Come inside." Carlisle spoke now, and I looked up at him, "Just for a moment." It was quiet as I debated. I really wasn't so sure anymore. Did I really have to be so worried? Was it really that important? They hadn't hurt me yet. That was the deciding factor. They'd been absolutely nothing but kind to me. More kind than I deserved. Maybe it wasn't so bad.
"It's alright." Carlisle prompted, and slowly, I moved. Standing from the car with a quiet sigh.
As I followed Alice toward the door inside the garage, probably leading into the house, I had to stop. Whimpering as my vision suddenly became unsteady. The room spun, and I reached out. Alice willingly caught me, keeping me upright as I nearly lost all strength in my legs.
I'd gone too long without eating. I knew exactly what it was causing me to feel like this, because I'd felt like this before. Not here. God, not here. Not here, not now.
I prayed I didn't pass out, breathing slowly with my eyes closed tightly. Opening my eyes briefly, I noticed Carlisle now looked me over. I knew what he was seeing. When I got like this, I always noticed I lost a lot of color from my face. Which was bad, considering when that happened, more bruises were visible. Even under the concealer.
I looked up at him, dizzily managing to hold his gaze.
"How long has it been since you've eaten?" He asked, concerned. I considered my options carefully. Would they believe me if I lied, and told them only a day? A day wasn't so bad. I opened my eyes, glancing to my hand holding tight to Alice's, trying to stay upright.
"Awhile." I finally mumbled, taking a breath, "Sorry. Just.. Sometimes this happens."
"Please don't apologize." He replied, "How long exactly?"
"I can't tell you." I just knew if I told him, that would only lead to questions I didn't want to answer. Why so long? Jack wouldn't let me, that's why. My stomach chose that time to emphasize it's empty state with a growl. I cursed under my breath.
"Come inside." Alice insisted quietly, "Please." I only then realized how tight I still held her hand, and released it. I was fine now, able to stand on my own. She seemed hesitant to let me go, but allowed it.
"I shouldn't have left." I mumbled, "Alice, if he gets home early-"
"He won't." She assured me, but I wasn't eased. I looked up, meeting Alice's eyes. She had to see my worry, my fear. I was fighting this. I knew what they were trying to do. I could see it. The pressure I felt with that one realization was enough to stop my cooperation right in its tracks.
They saw something that told them something wasn't right, and I knew they were just trying to get me to admit it. To admit to what he did, and just like that, I became a brick wall. I had to put a stop to it, and now.
I had to fix it, but why?
What was the point? So Jack could keep on doing what he does? So I could keep living in pain? I didn't want that. This could be my one chance to end it all, but I couldn't let myself take it.
No. I knew why I needed to fix it. There were many, many times he made his point very clear about what would happen to me if I ever told anyone what he did to me. I hadn't told anyone what he did, and I doubted I ever would.
"I know what he does." Alice finally sighed as if reading the direction my thoughts had gone, catching my attention. I hesitated for a second, and looked at her.
She was trying to help me, but she didn't get that I couldn't be helped. There was no way she could know.
"No you don't." I had to correct her. Who was she to pretend she understood? There was no way anyone could. Even if she had seen the bruise on my face. That was hardly any indication of what I lived through on a daily basis.
"Bet me." She told me quietly, and suddenly, I wasn't so sure.
"You don't." I mumbled, looking down, "Because there's nothing to know."
"Leandra, please." Carlisle spoke again, and I looked to him again, "Let's discuss this inside."
"There's nothing to discuss." I insisted firmly, "There's nothing." The sure, calm way he looked at me had me getting even more defensive. He seemed to already know. Like he could see right through my words. What was the point? The point was my life. I didn't want to die.
"Leandra." Alice's tone was quiet, and she knew what I was attempting to do. I stopped resisting so much, whimpering quietly.
"B-But.." I trailed off, unable to really find an excuse. I needed her to understand, just a little, that what she wanted me to do was so far beyond what I could do, it wasn't going to happen just like that.
"Come inside-" Alice started.
"There's nothing to know." I repeated.
"Five minutes." Alice told me, "If I can't convince you in five minutes, then I'll take you back myself. I promise, but you have to come inside. It's cold out here, and I know you'll be more comfortable inside."
That shut me up. I didn't like it, but she said. Five minutes. The longer I stood there resisting, the longer I'd be here. Five minutes didn't seem so bad. Five minutes was acceptable.
"Okay." I agreed quietly. She smiled a little, taking my hand more comfortably and leading me the rest of the way inside. I was cooperating again, but the way she told me she knew left little doubt. How on Earth would she know? I mean, I knew my behavior hadn't been the best, but how did that indicate Jack had anything to do with it? I could just be a bad kid, or a naturally tense person.
Looking around myself, I tried hard to ignore the sense of familiarity. My tired, nearly crying eyes studied everything I saw closely. It was undeniable, however, how I did recognize things. It was such an unreal feeling, but I hid it the best I could.
Alice released my hand slowly, and I looked around. On my own now.
My tears slowly stopped, as I hesitantly put my hand on the edge of the counter. This was really starting to freak me out, and it was becoming less and less ignorable. I'd been here. Like having a memory I didn't remember having. A memory I'd never actually made, or a memory I couldn't remember.
More than with anyone I'd seen yet, I recognized this place. It confused me a little how just looking around this house I'd never set foot in before could make me feel so many emotions at once. Many of them, I didn't know the name for.
"This can't be real." I whimpered, mostly to myself. I gripped the edge of the counter a little tighter, just to prove that it was solid under my hand. I hadn't even made it passed the kitchen yet, and I wanted to cry.
Before I could start, though, I jumped sharply, looking back at the door closing behind me. It was just Carlisle. I was shaken up, the slightest things setting me more on edge. My heart pounded, curious and scared at the same time.
"Relax." Alice told me quietly, "You're fine here." I didn't bother replying to that. I wished my thoughts would slow down. I was so tense, I didn't think I'd ever take another normal breath again.
Alice smiled a little at me, "Come on." Her small smile was comforting, as if she understood it all without me having to say a word. She was good at that.
I followed her now. Willingly following her from the kitchen, and into the next room. The living room. Apparently everyone had expected me over, because I spotted everyone immediately. Bringing me here must have been her goal from the start.
despite their friendly expressions, I instantly felt intimidated. Particularly by the big one. The one smirking at me that day. I recalled Alice calling him Emmett.
"Uh.." I mumbled, stepping closer to Alice's side.
"I said you're fine here, and I mean that." She murmured, seeing my discomfort, "I wouldn't tell you that if it wasn't true."
I trembled. I was already regretting agreeing to this. If Jack found out I wasn't there, I was done for. My thoughts kept returning to that, and being locked in the box for three days. That scared me more than any beating.
I looked up as someone descended the stairs. I recognized her almost as much as I recognized Carlisle, but this made me sad. Would I ever stop meeting new people I already knew? This was getting to be really hard on me. Harder than before, and I didn't even understand why.
I'd dreamed about her too, and I remembered her enough to know that I missed her. It was just a little stronger than the way I recognized the others, so I was taken off guard. Just officially meeting her for the first time, she came to stand in front of me.
"Leandra, this is Esme." Alice told me, and I nodded. I couldn't speak yet. Like my voice was stuck in my throat, and I couldn't make a sound now. For once, not out of fear.
"I've heard quite a few things about you." Esme murmured, her smile still in place. Offering her hand in greeting. I had to seem so crazy, looking up at her like a kicked and abandoned puppy, before hesitantly taking her offered hand.
The temperature difference was something I recognized as well. From Alice, but just in general as well. Her hand was much colder than mine was, which was saying something. Considering I hadn't fully warmed up from being outside yet, but the difference in temperature was something I never even thought twice about. It didn't bother me. Like I was used to it, or just expected it.
"Hello, honey." She smiled, and I just stared at her for a moment.
I remembered her, and one question echoed through my mind, tripling the emotion I felt. How could people I barely remembered from a dream I'd had already mean so much to me? I'd been so preoccupied with wondering why I'd dream about them, that I refused to focus on the fact that I had.
I had dreamed about them, and I hated waking up. That should be all that mattered.
When I could, I let go of her hand. Stepping back, standing closer to Alice and looking to the floor. Why was this so hard on me? It wasn't just the fact that I was afraid of what Jack would do. It wasn't just that. This was hard on me in another way.
Everyone else in the room was silent, giving the illusion that nobody was there. They just watched, but it was almost easy to ignore them in my sudden emotional pain. Why did this hurt so much? I hated it, because I didn't understand it.
Alice smiled a little at me, before looking to Esme, "Esme, do you think you can make something for her to eat?" I perked up slightly, tensing in my surprise, "She hasn't eaten in awhile." That was honestly something I had not been expecting. Really? They didn't even know me, and they were going to feed me?
"Of course." Esme seemed only too happy to do so, "I'm sure I can do that." I looked up at Alice, both surprised and cautiously hopeful as I hesitantly turned to follow Esme as she started back the way we'd come. Toward the kitchen.
"It's okay." Alice assured me when I paused, "Go ahead." I didn't argue this time. I just followed Esme.
Whatever this talk with Alice was, waited until after I was done eating. It was just Esme and I in the kitchen, which I was fine with. Alice and Carlisle stayed in the living room, talking quietly with the others. I could hear their muted voices, but I couldn't hear what they said.
I kept looking in that direction, wondering what Alice could be telling them.
"You don't need to worry." Esme assured me quietly as I ate, and I looked up at her, "Nobody is going to bother you here." I stayed quiet. Unsure. I was unsure about the conversation part. Not the sandwich. There was nothing unsure about the sandwich. I was shocked I didn't choke on it as I did my best to down it.
"You don't have to be so worried." She tried again, and I looked back down.
"It's not that I'm worried about them bothering me." I replied quietly when I could, "I'm worried that they'll all look too closely. It seems like everyone's good at that lately." She smiled a little, "I think I'm more confused than worried about anyone here bothering me. It doesn't make sense."
"Why is that?" She asked gently.
"Because I don't want to leave." I admitted, pausing for a slow shake of my head, "I don't know how to explain. At home.." I sighed, pausing, "I can't say I'm unwanted, but it's tough."
I found it very easy to talk to her. Not like Alice, but in a different way. Like I knew she wouldn't actually do anything unless I told her she could. She would just listen. She was safe to talk to.
"I wish nobody would look." I continued admitting, "It just makes it harder."
"Alice is just worried." She replied, "She isn't trying to make anything harder on you."
"I know." I mumbled, "But that's just how it is. I can't have friends. If Jack knew I had friends, he'd be so mad." She chose not to reply to that, "I try not to piss him off, but nothing I ever do is right. I can never do anything right." I was coming closer to venting how I felt. I had to stop myself. I didn't let myself continue.
"Darling, let me tell you something." She sighed after a moment of silence, "No child should ever feel that way. That isn't how it's supposed to be." I knew that. I knew it was wrong what he did, but there was nothing I could do.
I studied her for a moment, before shaking my head and looking back down. I plucked a stray piece of lettuce from my plate. I wanted so badly to understand, but every time I tried to make sense of all the strange things happening lately, I just got more confused.
"How long has it been, honey?" She asked, and I pursed my lips, "Since you've eaten?" I knew what she meant. Did I want to admit that? Alice had already mentioned it'd been awhile, and she must have pieced it together when I couldn't eat a whole sandwich without taking a break.
"It's been.." I sighed, "It's been awhile."
"How long is awhile?" She asked, "I'm just trying to understand. You don't need to worry."
"Five days." I admitted quietly, shyly looking up. I hoped she wasn't mad. For the weirdest reason, I thought she would be.
"Five days?" She was only concerned. I nodded a little, "Honey, why would you go almost a week without eating anything?"
"The longest I've ever gone is eight days." I told her, "But that was during the summer. When I couldn't eat at school."
"Why?" She frowned, trying to understand.
"Long story." I sighed. I wanted to tell her it wasn't my choice, but that'd go too far into a subject I wasn't willing to stray into.
She kept trying, rewording her question, "Why so long this time, honey?"
"The weekend," I answered, "Monday was the field trip, yesterday I couldn't get to the cafeteria because Rachel was looking for me, and I stayed home today." I answered her honestly, "I stay away from Rachel if I can, just so she can't make fun of me."
She sighed, but was otherwise quiet. Nodding, she gave me a sad smile. Watching as I continued to eat. I really couldn't eat much, unfortunately. As amazing as it was, I could only eat as much as I had by taking breaks.
Once I was sure I was done, I forced myself to stand up. Hopping from the seat at the counter.
"Thank you." I told Esme as she rounded the counter to stand with me, "Really. Thank you."
"Anytime, sweetie." She replied gently.
I stepped back into the living room with her beside me, and looked around at everyone again. I wasn't sure if it was having been fed after so long, but I didn't feel quite as afraid anymore. Not of the crowded room, but another part of me wanted to just go. I didn't like how long this was taking.
I wasn't sure I wanted to trade three days in the box outside for this.
I was officially introduced to Emmett and Rosalie, and I greeted Jasper and Edward, who I hadn't seen since that day. Edward and Jasper both watched me like they had that day.
"I'm sorry." I murmured, looking up at Edward, "About lying to you about where I lived."
"I understand." He replied quietly, giving me a nod.
"A-And.." I continued, "I'm sorry. About that day. How I left. If I hadn't left, I'd have hit her. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't." I wasn't about to mention anything about having to hide my tears from her as well. I felt weird enough, and what I'd said to Rachel before leaving probably freaked him out.
"Leandra," He sighed, "I'm going to be honest. The last I saw you, you looked terrified. Was that him?" I looked down. So far, he was the only one to have seen him. Face to face.
"Yeah." I mumbled, "That was him, but you would be scared too if he was mad at you."
"No." He said, "I wouldn't." He was so sure, and his tone was firm. Not like he was mad at me, but like he was mad at something. I'd heard that tone from him before, so it didn't really throw me off. He just didn't understand how dangerous Jack was. I didn't reply to what he said, keeping my eyes down.
"Please be honest with me." Edward continued after a few seconds of silence, "Did he hit you?" Looking up at him was involuntary, taken off guard yet again by his forward question. Why did it matter so much? My stomach did a nervous flip. A reaction I was getting used to around these strangers.
He seemed to read my expression in the several seconds I held his gaze, and worried, I looked back down. He just didn't understand. He didn't know what he was asking. What he felt he needed to be so concerned about wasn't all there was. What he felt he needed to be so concerned about was just a small bit. A small part of the hell I lived through each day. He didn't understand. He didn't get it.
Before I could cry, I turned away and looked to Alice now where she stood by the couch.
"Uh.." I mumbled, "Okay. I've been here longer than five minutes."
"And has anything bad happened?" She asked in return. She did have a point there.
"Well, no.. But-"
"Besides," She continued, "I haven't even had a chance to talk to you yet." She had another point. That ended my arguing, and I sighed. Nodding a little.
I couldn't describe how tired I was. Like I just wanted to sleep, and having a full stomach only added to that. The emotion hadn't helped. So I sat down stiffly on the couch at Alice's urging, not liking how I could clearly feel all the eyes on me. They were quiet again. Not saying a word.
They had to see how tense I was. They had to see how tired I was. With how easily they seemed to notice things, there was no way they couldn't see those things. Reminding myself, I looked up at Carlisle.
"Is anyone going to tell me why you guys can see more than everyone else?" I finally asked.
"I need to ask what you mean by that." He replied and I sighed.
"I-I don't know." I mumbled, "Nobody notices me. That's just how it works." I looked to Alice, "That day? At the school? I was sure I'd never see any of you again. Why do you care?" That seemed to open it up for an answer. I could see it.
Alice was going to be the one to answer me, given the way she stepped forward. Probably because she'd been the one to have the most interaction with me, which I understood and deeply appreciated.
"Let me just start by saying that I know." She sighed, sitting on the couch beside me, "I know what he does." I stiffened a little, my eyes dropping to the carpet. I didn't like this. I didn't want this. I had gotten away from the subject before, in the garage, but now there was nowhere to go.
"No, you-"
"Yes." She interrupted me with a tone so sure, I couldn't deny again, "I know." I looked away, "Just trust me, okay? I know."
"Prove it." I mumbled stupidly, "How do you know? Even if he did do anything, there's no way you'd know it. E-Even then, there's nothing to prove."
"Raise your sleeves." She challenged, "Or your pant legs." I froze, stiffening even more in my seat, "Show me clean skin, and we'll stop this right now." I didn't say anything, nor do as she asked. I just sat there, holding her gaze nervously. She sighed, holding my gaze the best she could, shaking her head slowly, "And as if hitting you weren't enough.."
She spoke more to herself than to anyone else when I didn't say a word, but what could she possibly mean by that?
Then I understood.
I felt my face pale, and subtly, I drew in on myself in defense. Tensing as I felt my breath catch slightly.
I wasn't exactly scared, but that was the only way I knew how to describe it. How would she know? There was no way anyone could know about what happened at night, unless either I or Jack told someone. I was more guarded about that than being beaten, so there was no way I would ever tell anyone, and I knew for a fact Jack wouldn't.
She waited, probably waiting for me to continue denying it. I trembled, sitting there.
"I haven't, and I won't tell anyone." She told me, "That's up to you to do, but I just want you to know that you're not alone anymore, okay?"
"How do you know about that?" I asked almost silently, "Nobody knows about that."
"The same way you know who I am." She answered, "The same way you know who Edward is. Or Carlisle. The house. You've seen it before."
Her tone held just a hint of excitement to it. Her sadness was still very evident, however. Despite getting onto the subject I knew she wanted to touch on. Not enough to fully scare me, though. It was silent for a moment, as I thought about what she was telling me.
Was now my chance to get some answers? About the dream, about knowing them?
"When did you see us, Leandra?" She asked, "I know you did." I was quiet, not sure if I should say anything. I bit my lip, looking down again.
"It's okay." She offered, "You can tell me."
"I'm not crazy." I told her, and she instantly shook her head, "A-At least, I really hope I'm not."
"Of course you're not." She said, leaving no doubt she was telling me the truth, "I know you're not." I studied her expression, suddenly so sure I could trust her. Out of nowhere, I was calmer. Comforted by the fact that she was asking me about this. I was still tired, but not nearly as guarded.
The only movement in the room was Edward turning a little. Pacing a few slow steps away. That actually helped me, since there was one less person watching me.
"I don't even really know." I finally murmured, "I can't figure it out, but.."
I paused, hesitating again as she waited. Obviously very interested in what I had to say. I fidgeted nervously, glancing around. She wasn't the only one listening closely. Until I looked back to her. She was the one I was talking to. Not everyone else.
"I dreamed about you." I mumbled quietly, glancing at her, "Two days ago. The night before the field trip." I hesitated again, waiting for her to start laughing. That never came. Her expression stayed open, her kind smile wiping out any doubt that she found it funny, which only encouraged me to keep going.
"I don't remember it, but I dreamed about you." I continued, "About you, and Edward. Carlisle, Esme, the house. Everyone. I don't know why, or even how, but I did." She smiled a little more, "I didn't know that was where I remembered you from at first. I think that's why I asked you what I did."
I suddenly had to keep talking, knowing she was listening. Even knowing they were all listening.
"I don't remember anything, except you." I wished I could make my voice stronger, "And I remember.." I paused, trailing off, "It was a really long dream. I remember a lot happened in it, but I don't remember anything about what happened." She nodded a little, "It's there, though. I just.. Can't remember it yet. Like.." I frowned, "I know I know it, but I don't know what 'it' is."
Despite the calm I felt talking to her about this, the sudden overwhelming sadness I felt took me off guard. Glancing at her, I could see she knew how much this bothered me. The sad concern in her eyes told me she heard it, "I remember.. That I wished so much that the dream had been real, because even though I don't remember it, it hurt so much to open my eyes."
"I was just trying to forget it." I explained, "I just wanted to forget about it, because I knew no part of it was real. Just like all the other times. Then I saw you. In that class that day. That's all I know." All this emotion was making me tired.
"I think I can explain that." She finally spoke, and I looked up, "Leandra, are you familiar with gifts?"
"Gifts?" I asked quietly, frowning, "Like for birthdays and stuff?"
"No." She shook her head a little, "Abilities. Things you can do that other people can't do." I frowned a little more, glancing around the room again. They still seemed nervous, but not amused. This wasn't funny to them, but quite serious.
"Abilities?" I asked, looking to her again.
She smiled, "You can see the future."
I blinked in surprise. What? It took a moment for me to actually believe she meant what she said. Now I knew she had to be nuts.
"You're joking, right?" I asked, but given the fact that nobody smirked or even seemed amused as I looked around again told me they all believed it. They were somewhat tense, as if waiting for my reaction. I couldn't believe this.
"Right." I snorted, shaking my head, "Okay, take me back now."
"How else would you know me?" She asked quickly, "Or anyone else? Leandra, you know as well as I do that we've never met before, but part of your mind has met us before. That's why you're so confused." I glanced to Carlisle standing there. Listening quietly.
"I don't know." I sighed, frustrated, "Maybe I've just met someone like you before. That's the only thing I can think of." Even I knew that was a lie. I'd never met anyone like them. Ever. I knew damn well that it wasn't possible to ever meet anyone like them and not remember it.
"Leandra, I've seen you too." She said, "I saw you that day. You came in, just the way you did. I've seen what it's like for you at home. Maybe not in explicit detail, but I think I can imagine-"
"No you haven't." I argued again, "There's no way."
"I know this is really hard to believe, but just consider it for a second." She insisted, "Just give it some thought." I stayed quiet, watching her, "You've probably believed your entire life that things like what you can do are impossible, but you couldn't be more wrong. I know that better than anyone."
I shook my head, silently denying it this time. I didn't know what to say.
"Like I said," She murmured firmly but gently, "I haven't been able to see everything, but I don't need to to know that where you live is not a good place to live."
"Nothing's wrong." I insisted, "Just take me back. Please." I realized I was going back on everything she did manage to get me to admit, however slightly, but I didn't care.
I was back to denying, and she recognized that immediately.
"I know why you're scared, but you don't have to be." She murmured, "Not here. Nobody here is ever going to hurt you." I didn't know what to say to that. Looking down, my resolve crumbling even as I stood up.
"How else would I know?" She pressed, standing up with me, "Leandra, you can't go back."
"He said he'd try." I blurted, shaking my head, "You'd know that if you-"
"And you believe that?" She asked gently, "Do you honestly believe him?" She had me there. I shut up, looking away from her. I couldn't look at her straight anymore. Not with her telling me she knew.
"Trying, and doing are two totally different things." She told me. I glanced to the clock. I'd already been here for over an hour. I was cutting it too close for my taste.
"You're fine." She assured me, knowing what I was looking at, "He's going to be thirty minutes late today." I looked back to her, unsure. I was listening now. She was quiet for a moment, as if debating before she spoke again, "And when you told us two hours, you purposefully left off half an hour, so you essentially still have two more hours."
Taking half a step back, I was suddenly intimidated. Yet again, she managed to know something only I would know. There was absolutely no way she'd know that.
I was now closer to believing her, but I was also more afraid. What else would she know? And if she knew that, then there was a very good chance she actually did know everything about what Jack did to me.
"This isn't funny anymore." I whimpered. I didn't like the way she knew. I didn't like this. Once it became a slight possibility that she did know, I felt embarrassed. I didn't want anyone to know!
"It never has been." She replied, sighing. She sat back down, probably to ease my nerves. Everyone else stood around, and that was probably what made me so nervous now.
She sighed, "Leandra, what you have is a very powerful ability."
"I don't have anything." I couldn't help the tears that fell, "I'm nothing special."
I trembled where I stood now, suddenly so upset. I stayed quiet, closing my eyes. I just needed to rest. This was way too hard on me. It wasn't that I didn't want to believe her. I wanted to, but I knew that what she was telling me was untrue.
I wasn't special in any way. I was the kid nobody wanted. I was just something that existed in the background, avoiding attention like the plague. I avoided people, and tension as much as I could. Just for this reason.
I took a few deep breaths, forcing myself to calm down. I had to pull this off. I needed them to believe me.
"Take me back." I turned, "Time's up."
"Leandra-"
"You promised." I reminded her firmly, despite the tears that still trailed down my cheeks. I crossed my arms over my chest. I was being unreasonable, I knew, but I was scared. I wanted to save myself the only way I knew how. Lessening the punishment.
"I know that I promised, but if you'd just listen-"
"No." I said, "You said. You said you'd take me back if you couldn't convince me in five minutes. I'm not convinced, and it's been seven." She sighed, giving me a look as she sat there. I sighed as well, "Fine. I'll walk back myself."
I was fighting this, because I was scared. It wasn't that I didn't want to believe I had some purpose to living. That would have been amazing to have, but I was scared.
"You don't have to go back." Alice told me firmly, "Let us help you, Leandra. Please."
A restless sort of movement from the Edward and Jasper by the door tried to take my attention, but I couldn't focus on that.
"I can help you." She added, "I know you're afraid, but I can explain everything."
When she put it like that, it sent an almost echoing sense of familiarity to me. Even more than before, but as much as I tried, I still couldn't figure it out. I stood there, silent for a few seconds, trying to remember anything at all about that dream.
When I couldn't, but kept the sense of knowing, it scared me even more. I didn't like the pressure.
"Yes I do." I replied, "I have to go back." Nobody was listening to me, "Before he gets back, and knows I left." She waited. I recalled the threats of the box, and I took a step back. More convinced than before that here wasn't where I should be.
"Alice." Edward called her attention, gaining mine as well. He sighed sadly, and gave her a nod. I didn't know what that was supposed to be, but I wasn't about to waste more time by asking.
Silence followed me as I sighed heavily, giving Esme beside me a pleading look before I turned around and left the room. I was headed for the garage, knowing for sure that was a way out.
Pausing before I closed the door behind me, I listened. I could just make out their words.
"We've got to be careful." Alice murmured, "If we push too hard, she's going to run. The point of all of this was to get her to trust us. If she insists on going home, we have to let her."
"She's scared." Jasper's voice was quieter than the others.
"With good reason." Edward added, a hint of bitterness in his voice, "You can't even imagine, Carlisle."
"You can't be serious." Rosalie spoke up now, "We just let her go back?" She was louder than the others. The opposite of Jasper.
"If we push this, all it's going to prove to her is that we'll never listen to what she says." Alice reasoned quietly.
"So what?" Rosalie asked in return, "She's a kid. She's supposed to feel like she's not being listened to."
"She's not like other kids, Rose." Edward commented, probably trying to get her to lower her voice.
"I don't like the idea any more than you do," Alice spoke up again, "But it needs to be her choice to trust us enough to ask for help. That's just how it is. If we push her, she'll push back. She'll fight every step of the way, probably wind up resenting us, and that's not what we want. Not with her gift, and definitely not if she knew us before. We have to handle this now."
"Or I can go there right now and kill the son-of-a-"
"No, Rosalie." Esme corrected, "No. We can't just go around doing that."
"Tell me you don't want to do that as much as I do." Rosalie was angry, "Come on. So I won't kill him. I'll just break a few bones, and leave him alive."
She couldn't be serious. Just the thought scared me to death. Not because I was worried about him. Hell no. I didn't want any of them around Jack at all. I knew what he could do. She wouldn't get in a second hit.
I sighed, my head aching as I stopped trying to listen in. Did I really want to try walking back myself? It'd take me forever, ensuring I didn't get there before Jack did. My head was still spinning, but thankfully, not out of weakness anymore. I had to at least be grateful for that.
"Leandra." Alice called from inside the house. I quickly turned, sitting on the step just inside the garage. Acting like I hadn't just heard what I heard. The door opened behind me, and I glanced up at Alice, before looking back down at my hands on my drawn up knees. My fingers tensely smoothed over my knees, nervous now.
I mumbled quietly, "I never asked for any help." She sighed, stepping out with me.
"I'll take you back now." She murmured, offering her hand. I hesitantly took it, letting her help me to my feet, "Under one condition." I paused, waiting, "When you've finally had enough, don't hesitate to call me." That was easy enough to nod to. She handed me a laminated card, and I looked it over, "That's Carlisle's number. Any time of day you can reach him there. No matter what."
I nodded, looking it over.
"If you ever just need to talk, you can always just call anyway." She seemed so sad, "If you have any questions. Need advice, or anything like that. We'll be here."
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, "I just wish I knew how to say it right." I sighed, looking back down at the card in my hands, "All I've ever, ever wanted was for someone to see me. To notice me. Maybe that's why I dreamed about you, because you did, but I never knew before how hard it would be to actually have someone see me. I'm afraid, but not enough to get you into trouble."
"You aren't getting us into trouble, Leandra." She assured me quietly.
"Because it's my fight." I continued, "Not yours. I can handle it. I know I can."
"The offer stands, Leandra." She sighed, "No matter how long it takes. Just remember that." I nodded, appreciating the thought more than she knew. I watched as she righted Carlisle's keys in her hand. She was old enough to drive? Of course she was. Most high schoolers could drive.
"Okay." I finally sighed as well, "I will." It was nice to have a fall-back plan anyway.
The ride back started quiet. Both of us silent, until I thought of something I wanted to ask.
"You say you can see the future too?" I asked quietly, looking over at her. She smiled a little, nodding, "Can you tell where he's taking me?" It was such an odd thing to consider, but I'd apparently been doing it without my knowledge.
"It's difficult to see you." She answered, "Which is why I haven't been able to see anything very specific." I nodded a little, "It doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going on by what I have seen, though."
"Why can't you see me?" I asked, frowning.
"I didn't say I couldn't." She replied, "Just that it's difficult. I do know that we'll be friends for a long time, so don't worry about that." I liked that thought.
"You're not mad at me?" I had to ask.
"Of course not." She replied, appalled at the very idea, "Why would I be mad at you?"
"For how I acted." I answered, looking down at my hands, "I do and say stuff I don't normally say or do when I'm scared."
"And we understand that, Leandra." She told me gently, "No, none of us are mad at you. You'll always have us on your side." She paused for a small smile, "Even if you were eavesdropping." I froze a bit in my seat.
"Was not." I mumbled, and she smirked.
"We also understand that it'll take a lot to earn your trust enough for you to let us help you." She continued, choosing not to argue with me, "But because of your gift, and because I say so, we're willing to try."
"Because you say so?" I found that a little amusing.
"I like you." She answered, "And my family tends to listen to what I say."
"I'm not very likable." I murmured after a minute of considering that. I had to give her some sort of heads up.
"Tell that to everyone else." She countered, "You've made an impression on them too."
"I have?" I asked, and she smiled. Nodding a little.
"And believe me." She added, "It takes a lot to make an impression on us." I smiled a little more, sitting back in my seat. That made me feel better.
"How do I make all these impressions without even knowing?" I muttered mostly to myself. She laughed quietly.
"See, Leandra.." She replied, "You firmly believe that there's no possible reason for anyone to look too closely. You believe that you're not worth the effort." I looked down, "But you're wrong. You are worth the effort. I could tell that right from the start."
"Because of this gift thing you think I have?"
"It's about more than the gift you have." She nodded a little, "It's more than that. You knew us before any of us met you. You don't remember yet, but you remember enough to get not only my attention, but everyone else's as well." I nodded again, looking over, "We just don't want to see you get hurt. That's all this was today."
"I know." I murmured in reply. I did know that.
True to her word, she pulled to a stop outside the house, and there was no sign of Jack home yet in the fading evening light. It got dark quickly when the clouds were this thick. She sighed, turning off the car, her smile long gone. Her eyes closed for a few seconds before she opened them. As if this really bothered her.
I sighed in relief, looking over at her. I was eased the second I noticed that Jack was still gone. He wouldn't know anything about me leaving the house, and that made me feel better, until I noticed her expression.
"What is it?" I had to ask, "What's wrong?"
"I don't want to leave you here." She laughed, but the sound definitely wasn't a happy one. She looked over at me, and I finally saw her emotion, "I feel like I'm tossing you to the wolves."
"I'll be okay." I mumbled, trying to ease her, "I always am."
"Just be truthful with me, Leandra." She almost plead, "I'm right, aren't I?"
I hesitated for about a minute, before I took a breath.
"Do you have to ask?" I asked in return, "Denying it doesn't do any good, does it?" She took a deep breath, a calming one as she held it. I could see how hard this really was.
"Can you honestly tell me," She murmured, quieter now, "That trusting someone else is harder than staying here and letting him beat on you?"
"Yes." I answered without hesitation, "It's a lot harder. There's.. More to it than just trusting someone else. You don't know what he's like. Besides.." I shrugged a little, "The best I could hope for would be to get sent away to some family that gets paid to beat me harder than he ever has."
"That's not true." She replied.
"I've heard stories." I defended my point.
She took a breath, and looked to me, "Just think. Think about what choice you're making before you walk away. There will always be a chance to change your mind, but do you really want it to get bad enough for you to have to? Leandra, I'm worried. That's also not easy to do."
I looked down.
"You know full well that what he does to you isn't right." She continued, "It's not right. You need to understand that."
"I know." I mumbled, "I know that he shouldn't hit me."
"Not just that." She murmured, "It's wrong. You know it's wrong." I knew that better than she obviously knew. I didn't respond to that one. Keeping my eyes down, studying my hands nervously clasped in my lap. I wouldn't bother denying it anymore, but I wouldn't say a word to confirm it.
"I am begging you." She stressed, "Begging you not to leave this car."
I took a breath, "I don't have another choice."
"I'm offering you another choice." She replied, "Right now."
"You don't know him." I whimpered, shaking my head, "You don't get it."
"What don't I get?" She asked, "Please. Explain it to me."
"I can't."
"Why not?" She asked, "Why can't you?"
"I just can't." I shook my head again, "You don't know."
"Look." She murmured, her tone soft, "All you have to do is tell me. Just say the word, and I'll take you back to the house. We'll sort everything out there."
"I can't."
"It's either that, or I camp out in your front yard, and wait for him to get here so I can kick his ass myself." She replied, and I looked to her sharply, "I can't leave you here. I can't do it. Not knowing what he does to you."
I held her gaze for a minute, and everything I saw there told me she knew exactly what was going on. I saw no reason to deny it anymore.
"You can't do that." I finally told her, "You-"
"Then let me take you back." She insisted, "Because that's the only way I'm leaving here. With you with me."
"Okay." I said, "Okay, fine." Just because she made me agree, didn't mean I would be cooperative.
She didn't wait for another word from me, immediately starting the car again.
A/N: This is as ready as it's going to be. I hope it's acceptable. :)
THANK YOU to my amazing reviewers of last chapter. :D THANK YOU for taking the time to leave me your thoughts!
Chapter six probably won't be near as long, and may take about as long to come out. I still haven't gone over that one a final time yet.
Until Six, my friends! :D