It was unbelievably early when I finally peeled my eyes open, the blue digital clock ticking just right above the nightstand giving the illuminating dark light inside Santana's room. There's the familiar coiling inside my stomach when the time finally sank into my brain it's about 12 midnight and few more hours it's officially morning, it's my wedding.
My body felt so cold under the sheets as I tugged it just above my chin. There was the usual silence tumbling from wall to wall, and yet my mind is clouded more than ever. It was the kiss veiling my mind from thinking straight and the burning sensation inside my chest even ignited as I recall how Santana's lips taste, how warm her intakes of air ghosting against mine, how her nails clawed on my back when she braced herself on my shoulder, the way her brows furrowed when she pulled away, and the tint of red shading her lips when I managed to open my eyes, it was actually in a slow motion and every frame makes my heart leap a beat or two.
Santana never said a word when we were finally back to her room, the walk was actually filled with nerve wracking silence except from the clanking of our heels echoing through the hallway. There was the urge of asking her what's wrong but I don't want to get the situation even awkward. Well, maybe I caught her off guard but c'mon we're about to get married and showing those people that short type of affection would just be the start.
I gulped dryly at the thought, this was just a deal, a billion dollar deal. And I would never let anything comes into my way. And, still I wanted to ask her if that action made her a little uncomfortable and if it did, I wanted to say sorry. She may be a bitch but I know that there's still something good running on that pretty head of hers.
With a deep breath, I slowly twisted my body completely facing the other direction. Just when I saw that the other side was completely empty, the crumpled sheets hanging on the edge and the light wedging of her pillow next to mine, my mouth fell open realizing that I was completely alone in her room. My palm was pretty drenched as I let it wander the empty space, it was actually a little colder than normal. I pressed my lips together when my eyes landed on the slightly agape door, there was actually the small amount of light seeping followed by the low clattering from the lower level of the house reaching my ear.
Momentarily, I pressed my eyelids before getting up on my feet, hissing when the floor was actually freezing. It's the light squeaking of the wooden door made me a jolt a little as I poke my head looking for any signs of this brunette and yes, I did saw nothing, instead there's the soft clanking from the kitchen. It was actually a little odd when I found myself walking down the stairs and when I saw that there's the shaft of light illuminating the living room through the kitchen I tucked my hands inside my pyjama bottoms before taking a deep breath.
Santana was sitting on one of the stools, glass of milk on her hands. She got her eyes closed and her mouth slightly parted, she even still got her hair a little bit messy. I'm really not sure what exactly came into my mind when I heard myself clearing my throat causing Santana to avert her attention on my direction. There's the priceless blank expression written all over her face as she scans mine, it actually made my heart almost jump out of its cage.
"Hi." I waved. Instantly, I shook my head realising what I just did, do I have to wave? Almost tremblingly I shoved my hand back to my pocket before eyeing her once again, just when I saw that she already got her eyes plastered on the glass before her. "Its late." I informed her as I walked towards the fridge to grab myself a glass of milk.
"You think I'm not informed?" she said with her usual sarcastic remarks.
"Right." I mumbled under my breath before emptying the glass of milk in one swig. "I'll leave you alone." I added almost immediately right after I dried my lips before walking through the door when I heard her clearing her throat.
"I'm sorry." she whispered almost inaudible, thanks to God that the whole kitchen was swallowed by the glass shattering silence and I'm able to hear one Santana Lopez saying those two words.
"It's okay." I nodded. Just when I was about to take another step I heard her shuffling in her seat.
"Can you like…stay?" I bit my tongue before nodding and taking the stool across Santana's. She got her head bowed down as she draws small circle on the rim of her glass before taking a small sip. "I actually hate milk." She grimaced after taking the glass halfway. "But, mom was telling me that it could help me sleep and since I was 4 it actually did."
"Yea, it was like an instant bed time story." I mumbled whilst toying with my fingers. "What happened earlier, Santana I'm so sorry." I stammered like it was the most difficult thing here in earth, well, yea actually, yes. I kissed her out of nowhere that should have shocked her. "You're not speaking to me since that so I thought to myself-"
"-that I was mad?" she cut me off with a breathy laugh shaking her head in the process.
"Aren't you?"
Internally, I got myself panting, waiting for her to answer my question, even the pounding of my chest seemed to be echoing inside my ear. The only sound resonation inside the small room was the clinking of her glass against the cold marble table. It was almost deafening if you ask me.
"My fiancée died several years ago." I heard Santana whisper; just that I found myself staring at her, her fingers fidgeting the rim of her glass and the way her brows furrow when she eyed me with hooded lids made the banging in my chest even harder, there was my voice trying to escape my lips yet there's something blocking it deep down. "Stephanie and I are best friends since middle school, I thought that it was just a typical love story and we could actually live happily ever after but when I found out that she has leukaemia and that she might be gone anytime soon my heart broke into pieces. It was like the whole world fell down on me, I was mad and fuming about it, and before I can blame anyone… she was gone, the last thing I know is that I gave her my word that she'll be the last person I'll kiss by that I know that there's something inside me swelled up. I really don't know what that means but since that I never tried kissing anyone but of course I get laid yet I'm trying not to take those things a little deeper. It's silly but inside my head it's the only thing keeping her alive." She breathed, her voice came out raspy and slow. It's like every words were from deep inside of her waiting to be said. There's the light glow in her eyes just right after she say those words, her lips curled into a small smile when her fiancée's name escape her lips like it was the only thing running inside her head this whole time. "So, when you kissed me earlier. I can't believe myself that I did kissed back because I never do that, well maybe I was just caught up in the moment and again I wanted to blame you instead but then I realised that what do you know about that silly promise clouding my head. So I might as well tell you, so you won't be shocked if I'd go all ninja on you when you tried to kiss me, again."
"I'm sorry for what happened." I mumbled shortly, I can hear the shade of sadness in her voice, seeing her with that strong physical image is even like needing a much stronger sense of sympathy. "And for Stephanie."
It was a tight lip smile forming on her lips when those words escaped my lips. Judging the cold atmosphere and unnerving silence surrounding the two of us I cleared my throat. "My family died 4 years ago." I muttered into the air. "It was a week before Christmas, they were about to visit me in Boston but then when I was waiting for my dad to ring my phone, I realised that it wasn't him on the other line. It was a random person telling me that they were involved in a car accident. By that I don't think I can even feel anything, it's like I was just… floating. And when I finally got the chance to see them, they were all in the c-coffin, they were all gone. That moment, I don't think I got more tears to cry. Everything went in a swift motion then I found myself returning back to Boston, trying to move on. And if you'll ask me if I already did…" I wet my lips, and the back of my hand went autopilot dabbing the tears that escaped my eyes. "-I haven't." I continued.
And as much I wanted to dry my eyes the more of those tears came rolling down. Santana was just staring at me, her lower lip tugged between her teeth. She was like having a battle of thoughts if she should say something or just hug me or something. After few deep breaths whilst making sure I already got my eyes pretty dry I ended up getting up on my feet. "I'll sleep on the couch." I said before disappearing on the wooden door.
I don't know why I am here, like seriously. I have no idea why am I wearing this white dress, my hair in braid, high stiletto and bouquet of flowers in my hand. I don't know how or why. Oh right I get to agree marrying this woman in exchange of billion dollars. It actually felt like I'm walking in a drought area barefoot, I know that everything doesn't make any sense and yet on the back of my head it does, my mind it was dimming in hundreds of thoughts running.
Santana's fingers tightened around mine along with the tip of her head when I finally eyed her threw me back to reality. It's the loud whooshing of cold beach air hitting the corner of my face, the gleaming ray of the sun gives the illuminating glow of the seawater steps away from us. And the light shade of pink and red radiating in every corner of the carpeted aisle along with the soft melody coming from the cellist on one of the spots is like a dream wedding.
A dream wedding for couples who are truly, madly and deeply in love with each other. And this? Is definitely not my dream wedding, not for now at the least.
My chest pounded even harder when I realized that Tina, Rachel, Sam and Mercedes were sitting on the front row opposite Santana's parents and close relatives were sitting. Tina was mouthing something I can't quite figure out, whilst the other three were having that perfect smiles plastered on their faces. There's the proud smirk tugged on Yolanda's and Anita's lips whilst Santana's dad Miguel got his signature frown etching on his face.
"Brittany." Santana's voice rang through my ears realizing that I literally froze in my place staring at the number of people staring right back at me. "Walk." She ordered through a grin.
"I don't think I can do this." I whispered almost inaudible. Santana tugged my hand a little harder trying to pull me through the crowd.
"You're kidding." She breathed with a smile. People were starting to watch us with knitted eyebrows and low chattering echoing inside my ear.
"I'm not kidding." I mumbled back as I try to tug my fingers off of hers but she just tightened her grip a little harder.
"Yes, you are. Now, walk." She rasped. "Brittany."
"Santana, I can't. This is so wrong."
"Nothing of these is wrong, okay. Now, walk."
"I can't." I retorted a little low, my throat seemed dry from all the heavy breathing.
"They are all looking at us, Brittany. You can't back out now." She hissed.
I swallowed dryly just in time my eyes landed on Yolanda's and Anita's confused look. I can even feel the breaking of sweat on the corner of my face whilst the woman beside me was trying to draw blood on my palms by digging her nails a little harder than I can remember.
"Okay." I breathed. "I'm not backing out."
"Good. Let's go." She sighed, tugging on my hand for the hundredth time. "Brittany."
"3 months." I mumbled under my breath, and Santana just threw me a confused look. "We'll file a divorce right after."
"3 months? Funny. The contract says 1 year." She informed me, and it's my time to look at her, confused.
"What contract? We don't even have a contract."
"We are making one." She breathed. "And I'm telling you we have one year, by that they'll believe that we we're at least in love with each other, and things just didn't work out."
"Fine. 7 months." I stated firmly.
"10."
"8."
"9."
"Fine! Now walk!"
~
"You look really pretty, Britt." Sam complimented wrapping his arms around my waist, and mine went autopilot wrapping around his neck as we continued swaying to the music.
"Gee, thanks Sam." I mumbled rolling my eyes in the process.
"So, how's the plan between the two of you? Are you like gonna have children?" When his words reached my ears, I really don't know if I should laugh or strangle Sam right here right now.
"Eew!" I shook my head making puking sounds in the process. "Just imagining those months that I'll be living with her it's like an immediate nightmare. Seriously."
"I thought you like her?" he asked, a little bewildered.
"And yes, I did like her. That was before I realized that she got that inner bitch blazing inside of her." I scoffed.
I did like Santana. I mean c'mon who wouldn't like her? She's freaking hot and I just sound like a total perv but whatever. And in the first line of thought she was really nice and I really don't know as to why she's acting that of a bitch. But last night when she told me those things, it was like there was a small puzzle stretching inside my brain. She was really hurt when Stephanie died, I can almost see it in her eyes. Counting those days I get to spend with her and her family, she was actually the woman I would like to spend my whole life with, her family was just so perfect and her, she was just so dreamlike. And yet, there's nothing but the deal coming in between us. Nothing but money.
"Can I have this dance?" I heard a deep voice say and the next thing I know I'm staring at deep brown eyes, strong hands wrap around my waist and I'm burning under his gaze, my heart seemed to be racing and my palms felt even colder when the music started.
I found my mouth slightly parted when we started swaying onto the soft melody. "It's really nice to s-see you M-Miguel. I me-mean Mr Lo-Lopez, I mean S-sir Mr Lopez." I stuttered out. There's the unimpressed look written all over her face and I can't help but wince internally. "Shit." I whispered.
"How are you Brittany?" He asked, maintaining eye contact.
"I'm great. Really g-great." I nodded before gulping dryly. I swear to God this song happens to be the longest music I've ever heard. It's like I've been swaying for seem like forever and every second I can feel his eyes burning holes onto my head.
"How much?" he asked out of nowhere. My eyes were fast to connect with his when his words sank into my brain.
"What?"
"You know what I'm talking about." He was smiling yet I know that he's implying something else.
"I'm not following." I shook my head.
"How much is she paying you? Hm? I'll double it, and I'll file your divorce first thing in the morning." he answered a little higher.
"I really don't know what you're talking about." I mumbled a little bit tense. If there's one thing I wanted to happen right now, it's that this fucking music would stop.
"Santana- she's my exact same replica. I have my brain running in that head of hers. Any decision she made was the same decision I have in my mind. And this happens to be the only thing she's wrong about. There's nothing you can even give her, nothing but a cup of coffee and bagel. Worthless people don't have space in our family and just thinking that Santana did choose you over my decision is nothing but a mistake. And mistakes have no place in her world."
"Mr Lopez, Santana and I are married. And this worthless person that happens to be a mistake will stay in her world forever. And Santana she got her own brain to decide for herself, she's not a baby anymore. She's a grown up woman who fell in love with a barista, and there's nothing you could do about that!" I hissed with the anger dripping in my voice just in time the music stopped. It's like every ounce of blood running through me collected onto my head not noticing that Santana has already been standing right beside me, her hand resting on the small of my back.
"Is everything okay? Dad? Britt?" she whispered when the music once again started.
"We're fine. Brittany and I just having a little chat, aren't we?" he said through a smile, averting his line of sight on my direction.
"Yea. Yes, we are." I answered almost instantly.
"I'll leave you two." He said one last time before spinning and walked away.
Santana let an audible sigh escaped her lips before wrapping her hand around my waist tugging my arms around her neck. "What did he say?" she asked looking for my eyes.
"Nothing." I breathed.
"Seriously, tell me." she urged giving my hip a light squeeze.
"We just had an argument about you. He was asking me how much you are paying me for marrying you."
"And what did you say?" she asked an octave higher.
I just shook my head before eyeing her. "I told him what I have to say, I'm not here just because of money. He was upset and that's not my fault, he started it after all."
Santana clicked her tongue before licking her lower lip. "You shouldn't have argued with him." She nearly growled.
"What? I told him that there's no money involved and you and I are in love. Why are you mad?"
"Look, you don't know him, okay? Right now, he's probably thinking of something that might ruin our lives." She breathed with an exasperated sigh. "Or not that, but I know one thing he'll never stop making our lives miserable."
"But-"
"Look, you don't understand. It's not my fault if you don't have a family to be aware of things like this." She said in one breath.
My mouth fell open and my arms fell to my side. "You just didn't say that." I whispered lowly.
"B-Brittany, I-I'm sorry." she mumbled trying to hold my hand but I was fast to pull it away.
"He's right. You guys are exactly the same." I shook my head before walking away, there's the tears stinging my eyes and the tightening of my chest flaring inside me.