Chapter Ten
Carlisle led me to the car, opening the back passenger door for me.
Inside the car was warm, and I wasted no time in climbing in. Eagerly crawling, scrambling across the seat until I got to the middle. I didn't want to be out in the open for longer than I had to be. Just the sound of the door closing gently behind me making me jump.
"Oh, honey." Esme's sad tone greeted me as she turned to look at me. I hadn't expected her to have come along as well, but I didn't mind. I liked the thought that she would want to come with him to get me. Not that I could focus on that too much, though.
My wide eyed, tired expression had to bother her, but I couldn't help it. I trembled roughly, both scared and cold. Drawing my legs up on the seat, I lowered my head. Resting my forehead on my knees. A muted, muffled sob was all I was capable of.
"I want to know." Carlisle said as he climbed into his seat, "I want to know what I'm taking you from."
"Y-You mean, like.. W-What he does? What they do?"
"Yes." He answered, "I want you to be honest with me, Leandra." He paused, "No, I need you to be honest with me. No lies, no avoiding the answer." He knew me too well.
"I can't anymore." I mumbled, shaking my head and ignoring the two tears that scattered down my cheeks, "I don't want to lie anymore."
"I'm glad to hear that." Carlisle sighed, "But first, we'll get a hotel room. You need a chance to calm down before anything else. We'll stay the night there, and depending on how you're feeling, start home in the morning."
I nodded, sniffling. As long as he didn't make me go back to Jack right away, I didn't care what we did. Forcing myself to breathe, whimpering at each strong tremble.
I waited in the car with Esme as Carlisle went in and paid for the room at a hotel just up the street. I was silent. More nervous than I'd been in a long time. Curled into a tight ball, biting my lip. Esme watched me, a pained expression in her eyes.
By that time, I'd just started to realize what I'd done. I knew it before, but it started to really dawn on me. It was huge. Almost too huge for me to wrap my mind around. I'd turned my back, just ran away from everything. In taking one step, I'd essentially just jumped right off the cliff into something I had no idea about.
I didn't know the next move, or the move after that. I didn't know what was going to happen to me, but I did know one thing for sure. Jack was probably more pissed than he'd ever been. I couldn't lie my way out of this one, as it was both him and Ken that I'd literally run from just hours ago.
Carlisle came back out, effectively reminding me that I wasn't done yet, and opened Esme's door for her. I wasn't particularly eager to move immediately, so I hesitated as Carlisle opened my door for me as well.
"It's alright, honey." Esme was the one to try to get me to come out. Holding her hand out for me.
"They're going to find me if I come out." I whimpered, and her eyes softened.
"No they won't." She assured me, "And even if they do, we'd never let anything happen to you."
I had no choice but to believe her. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't spend all night out in the car. So I scooted closer to the door, and let her take my hand. Standing shakily, I instantly hugged onto her side. Squeezing my eyes shut, so I wouldn't have to see them when they did find me.
I sincerely hoped this was acceptable. Wherever she went, I'd go too. I wasn't letting go until I was sure I was safe.
"Go ahead inside." Carlisle told her, "I'll be right behind you."
I held tight to Esme, both arms around her waist as we headed for the door. Shivering all over again. I couldn't calm down. There was just so much I had to be worried about. Even more if Mike had decided to search too.
"He's gonna see me." I whimpered, "I just know it." She held me closer to her side, almost as if she were shielding me as she glanced around. Even walking the few short steps to the hotel was nearly too much on my already rattled nerves. The trip through the lobby was a quick one, thankfully.
I was only paranoid, however, and we made it up to the room without a problem.
True to his word, Carlisle had followed us. Carrying a single black bag. Probably with their clothes in it. As curious as I was, I couldn't focus on that.
"I'll be downstairs." Esme offered once I was inside the room, "I'll get you something to eat, sweetheart."
I looked up at her gratefully, letting her step away, before looking around the room. Two queen sized beds took up most of the space, and the one closest to me was calling my name. I didn't protest as Esme left, closing the door quietly behind her.
I was beginning to feel safer. Just being inside somewhere, without anyone and their dog being able to see me, made me feel better. The light on in the corner made the room feel warmer. It wasn't too bright, but just enough to give me slight comfort. Quiet, calm. Much different than the way I'd spent the entire day.
I really didn't know what to do, though. Standing there with Carlisle, I continued to tremble. I knew he was watching me, but I didn't look up at him. Trying to calm down.
I tried not to imagine how pathetic I had to look to him. Trembling, probably filthy. Having to call for help from someone two states away. Someone I didn't even really know. Someone I'd just flat out lied to just a few days before about this same exact thing.
Things had just gone so wrong so quickly, I almost couldn't believe it. It was like the ground wasn't solid under me anymore. Like everything was different now, and I knew that it was, but how much different would things be?
The heat chose that time to turn on, and the sound of it clicking on was just enough to startle me. Jumping, yelping quietly. Stupidly, I started to cry again.
Hating how sensitive I was, how silly it was to cry over the heater turning on. After the day I'd had, however, it was all I could do. The slightest things would instantly raise my stress level to maximum height, until I'd tell myself I was okay.
After spending the entire afternoon like that, it was hard to break myself out of that.
"I know." Carlisle's tone was quiet. Not at all annoyed, or irritated. He placed the receipt papers on the table, and reached for me. I let him take my wrist, much gentler than anyone had all week, pulling me to him. Since I was too scared to move, he had to move me. He hugged me into his side, which I allowed and returned.
I just stood there, hugging him as tight as I could. I was both confused and torn, breathing through uncontrollable sobs.
I wasn't used to this. I wasn't used to relying on someone else, and them actually coming through like this. I squeezed the tears from my tired eyes, sighing a yawning sob.
I just wanted things to be okay. I wasn't asking for much. I didn't want everything in the world. I only wanted okay.
"Do you want to sit down?" Carlisle asked, and I instantly looked up at him and shook my head. Declining as I forced myself to step back, away from him. I was just fine with standing. At least until I asked what I needed to ask. He seemed to find that reaction concerning.
"It's okay." He assured me, and again, I shook my head.
Taking a breath, I decided to just go for it. A tense few seconds of silence passed, until I spoke.
"Are you gonna make me sit on your lap, too?" I asked, looking up at him. I waited for his answer. My fearful eyes met his deeply concerned ones, and I already knew his answer, but I had to hear it first.
"Of course not." He answered quietly after a moment of obvious surprise, "Leandra, none of us would ever make you do anything like that." Hearing him promise like that, using those words, I accepted it.
"I know it's stupid to ask that." I sniffled, looking down again, "B-But I had to be sure. I'm so confused." He didn't reply to that. Only watching me as I studied my hands.
"Leandra, is that what he did?" He asked after a moment longer of silence.
"I thought Alice could see?" I looked up again.
"She refused to tell me." He replied, shaking his head. That surprised me. Even after everything, she still kept it to herself? "All I know, is that it's bad." I looked back down at that word.
"It's worse than that." I corrected quietly, "It's worse than bad, I think."
"Leandra, please be honest with me." He requested, "Either way, you're not going back."
I sighed, turning away. I sniffled a little as my hand found the edge of the bed.
"You can't let them find me, Carlisle." I whimpered, "And if I tell you, you can't tell them I told you."
"You'll be fine." He assured me, watching me as I sat on the side of the bed slowly. Wincing a little as I did so. Warming up, I definitely felt the effort I had to put forth just that morning. My bruises hated me, and that was enough to make me hate breathing.
"You have to promise." I corrected, shaking my head a little, "He can't find out I said anything. It's bad enough I ran away. He's going to be so mad.." My whimpered voice trailed off, and I looked down. Squeezing my eyes shut. Carlisle had heard that before, though.
"Leandra, he's going to know when they arrest him." He explained, sitting down in one of the chairs at the small table. Keeping his distance, no doubt trying to keep from scaring me. I did appreciate that, but his words had taken most of my focus. I looked to him, instantly trembling again.
"Arrest him?" I asked, "Like.. Send him to jail?"
"If the abuse is bad enough, yes." Carlisle nodded.
"No." I shook my head, "That can't happen."
"What were you expecting to happen?" He asked quietly.
"I-I don't know." I mumbled, "Isn't there a way you can help me without him finding out?"
He was quiet for a moment, probably thinking.
"Leandra, why are you afraid of him finding out?" He finally asked, and I glanced over as Esme returned, closing the door behind herself.
"Because I don't.. I-I don't want to die."
That was the first straight answer he'd ever gotten from me about the whole situation, and it was clear after admitting that, that they had underestimated Jack before. Esme paused setting the white plastic bag she held on the table, looking to Carlisle. Neither of them said anything for a moment.
"Where did you get an idea like that, honey?" Esme asked, concerned.
"He told me." I answered, "He told me that if I ever told anyone about what he did to me, and if he ever found out, he'd kill me." She stayed quiet, so I had to keep going, "I'm sorry I lied before. I'm sorry I never said anything, but.. I didn't want him to find out about me telling. I couldn't."
Esme's frown stayed, "Are you sure-"
"I know what it means." I murmured, "Jack showed me when I was little." I looked down in their surprised silence, "And now, there's Ken. He's just as bad. Maybe worse." I hesitated, "He told me that if Jack ever went to jail, I'd be the one he'd come after. I don't want to die, but if either of them ever find out I told, they'll kill me. That's why they can't know. That's why I couldn't tell you before."
I could tell by looking up that I had even more of their attention. To them, this just got a whole lot more serious. To me, it always had been, but they didn't understand before. Now they were starting to.
I looked down, sighing.
"I never should have run." I mumbled, "I'm going to be in so much trouble. I-I don't even know why I did. I was just.. So afraid."
"Can you tell us about it?" Esme asked quietly, sitting beside me. I looked to her, sighing again as I leaned forward. Drawing my knees up and wrapping my arms around them. There wasn't much choice. It was either tell them everything now, or go back. I wasn't going back.
"There's so much to tell." I murmured after a moment, "But you can't tell him you heard it from me. Even if he's in jail, he won't stay there. If he even goes at all. He can't know I said anything."
"Start with today." She suggested, "What made you finally decide to call us, sweetheart?" That seemed pretty easy to answer.
"I don't want to live in California." I admitted, looking to her.
"You don't have to." She assured me, shaking her head a little, "Was Jack going to move here with you?"
"No." I answered, "He was going to make me live here with Ken."
"Who is Ken?" She asked, something she hadn't asked before, and I bit my lip. Just the thought of him made my heart drop uncomfortably.
"Jack's dad." I mumbled, swallowing nervously, "I don't like him. That's why Jack brought me here. He was going to go back home, but I would have to stay here with Ken."
"Why?"
"Because I'm too much trouble." I whimpered, resting my chin on my knees, "Ken said it was because I was noticed." I paused to gather my thoughts, before I continued, "I couldn't stay there with him, though. I thought if I tried, I might like him at least a little more than Jack, but I just couldn't." I hardly noticed the tear that scattered down my cheek, "I couldn't. I got scared, a-and I ran, and if Jack ever finds me again, I'm done for."
I was getting upset again. Words coming out in a rush, but it told them I was willing to talk now. A lot different than before.
"Okay." Carlisle sighed, "Leandra, I want as honest of an answer as you can give me." I looked his direction now, remaining in my insecure little ball, "We're just going to focus on one thing at a time, okay?" I nodded a little, taking a deep breath, "What does Jack do to you?" I looked down. Silent now. How was I supposed to tell him that when he knew what it would mean?
"I don't know how to say it." I mumbled after a moment, my voice hardly making a sound.
"Straight-forward." He replied, "Just tell me."
"I-I.." I stopped myself. I'd been telling them 'I can't' since I'd known them. There was no time for that anymore. I had to give him something if he was going to help me, but it was so hard to. Even knowing the alternative.
"He hits me." I found myself blurting, "All the time." Briefly, my fear tried to shut me up, but somehow, I pushed through it. Carlisle needed to know, so I forced myself to talk, "He hits me. Beats on me."
He waited, concern entering his eyes.
"S-Sometimes, it's not so bad." I continued, squeezing my eyes shut so I didn't have to look at him, "Just.. A slap here or there, but other times, it's.. It's hard. He loves to use his belt." I glanced over at Esme, and I bit my lip, "I still have bruises from the last bad beating, if you have to see them. I-I have proof."
"Eventually," Carlisle allowed, "I may want to look at them if it's alright. Just to ensure you're okay." I nodded a little, and went on.
"We fight." I mumbled, "W-Well, I mean.. It's not really fighting. Not really. He yells, and I run. He hates it when I run, but I can't help it. I get so scared, but it just makes it worse for me when he catches me." I paused for a breath, "That's why Alice said what she said that day. I couldn't show her clean skin like she wanted me to." Carlisle nodded a little.
"What else, Leandra?" He asked gently after a few moments of silence, "What else does he do? Why did you ask me that? Before?"
I had to take a minute. I was thinking, trying hard to come up with some way to get him to forget about that. Falling quiet, knowing full well what he meant.
He had to try again, "Leandra, he did more to you than hit you, didn't he?"
Just by hearing him ask, my nervousness exploded. Increased triple fold, and because of that, it was much harder to keep from crying yet again. I was a wreck. I didn't know how to say it, so I stayed quiet. He'd found a subject I wasn't willing to budge on.
"Leandra?" He prompted. Receiving nothing but silence.
If he ever needed me to be quiet for any length of time, it was easily achieved by asking me about this. Nothing but silence remained now, and I couldn't change that. I focused on the comforter I sat on, nervously tugging on a loose thread. Focusing on that, instead of the question I knew they needed me to answer.
I didn't know what it was. I knew it was rude to act this way, but it was the only way I knew of not to have to answer. I wasn't exactly pretending like I didn't hear him, because I did hear him, and I knew he knew I heard him.
"Leandra, honey. It's okay." Esme tried now, and I glanced to her before looking back down. I couldn't speak even if I wanted to. My voice just wouldn't work. I was tired, and I was scared. Though I knew they weren't impatient in the slightest, I knew they were waiting.
I was positive it would take all of their patience to get this answer from me.
After several intense minutes of silence, he sighed.
"Why did you ask me that, Leandra?" Carlisle asked again, and though that was the same question he asked before, it was worded differently. That helped.
"I had to make sure." I mumbled, shrugging a little.
"Why?" He asked, and I hesitated, "Do I give you that impression?"
"No." I answered immediately, "No. You don't."
"Has someone done that to you before?"
"Yes." He already knew that, though. He needed more. I sighed, "Ken. He liked when I sat on his lap. I didn't, but I didn't have a choice, because Jack told me I had to do whatever he wanted, a-and I thought if all I had to do was sit there.." I trailed off, looking down. I stopped myself again before a real explanation could get going, "T-Then it wouldn't.. Be so bad.."
I felt sick. Nauseous. Already, without even saying anything. It was quiet for another few minutes. He was obviously waiting for me to make the effort, but I was so afraid.
"I need you to be honest with me." He finally spoke again. Still gently, but I looked up.
"I haven't lied." I told him.
"No, but you're avoiding the answer." He pointed out, "Why?"
"I'm scared." I replied honestly.
"I know you are." He allowed, "Is that the only reason?"
"Mostly." I mumbled, and he nodded.
"But you don't have to be afraid anymore." He told me, "Part of you knows that. You know you're okay now. Don't you?" I nodded a little. I did know that, but that didn't make it any easier. His tone softened, "Then answer me. Please."
I was trying to, but it was harder than I thought it would be. He was giving me all the patience in the world, yet here I was. Stalling like I expected him to beat me.
"Leandra." Carlisle took my attention again, "Please." I was quiet, hesitantly meeting his gaze. I didn't see anger there. He wasn't mad at me, only deeply concerned. He was worried about me, "Can you tell me? I promise. No matter what you say, you'll be alright."
The pressure I was putting on myself made it really hard to breathe, my heart reacting. Pounding roughly, too fast. I was nervous, fearful.
"I'll try." I murmured after a minute more of silence, "But can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything." He replied.
"Don't hate me?" That request shook from me, my trembles making the words quiet. Barely audible.
"Why would I hate you?" He asked in return, and I looked down again.
"Because I hate me." I mumbled, "And if I hate myself, then it shouldn't be that hard for you to hate me too."
"Why do you hate yourself?" Carlisle asked, and I glanced over as Esme sat closer beside me.
"Because of what he does." I was fully aware of how stupid that sounded, "He always told me that if anyone ever found out, they'd hate me for it. I never used to care. Not really. People usually hate me anyway, but I care if you hate me. That matters to me."
"Honey, that isn't possible." Esme assured me, and I looked to her, "No one would ever hate you. I promise." I took a deep breath. Her quiet tone did wonders for my nervousness, "Would it be easier to tell me?" I thought about it.
"Not really." I admitted, "It's not easy at all."
"We understand that, sweetie." Before she even finished saying that, I started to cry again. This was definitely harder than I ever imagined before.
"I think we should take a break." Carlisle murmured, standing.
Before I could think too much about it, I forced myself to answer him. I had to get through this. The sooner I got through this, the sooner he'd stop asking about it, and maybe understand a little better about why I had to call him. Before I could stop myself, I spoke.
"I asked you what I asked you," I mumbled through my tears, and I knew by the way he looked to me that he was listening, "Because Ken liked it when I sat on his lap." I hesitated, "I-I know why he liked it so much. I know why he'd hold me there. I know what I sat on. Jack taught me what it.. What it's for. Jack taught me."
I had yet to look at him, my cheeks warm with embarrassment. Esme wasted no time in reaching over, hugging me into her side. Just that action was enough to comfort me enough to keep talking.
I continued quietly, "I didn't want to. What Jack does, I didn't want to do. Not once. Not one time." He was quiet, slowly sitting back down, "He comes into my room at night, and I know that what he does, he shouldn't do. I know it shouldn't be that way, but it is that way. I know it's wrong, what he does. I know it, and if I knew it, then he had to know it, but that never mattered to him."
That should be enough. That was the only way to say it without saying it. I fell quiet again. I couldn't even look up. I couldn't look at him. I was too afraid of what I'd see.
"Alright, Leandra." Carlisle murmured, and I kept my eyes down. He didn't sound disgusted with me, "I understand."
"It's alright, honey." Esme offered gently, which really helped more than she knew, I was sure.
"There are two questions I have to ask." Carlisle sighed, "First, I need to know." He was careful now, his voice reflecting that, "What exactly would Jack do to you? I have an idea, but I need more of an answer if you can provide one."
"I can't say it." I whimpered, biting my lip.
"Okay." He replied quietly, "Okay, Leandra. The details can wait." That eased me. He wasn't going to push me on this, which I appreciated. Without the pressure there, it was easier for me to consider how to answer without actually saying it.
"It wasn't just hands." I admitted after a few moments of silence, clearly feeling and hearing how my emotion quieted my voice as I shook my head, "It wasn't just.. T-Touching.." That word made me want to puke, "I wish it was just that, but it wasn't."
That answer bothered him. Given the way he stood up slowly. Esme hugged me tighter, so I knew she at least wasn't upset with me. They didn't say anything, which both worried me, and eased me. It was strange.
"I didn't want to." I had to make sure they understood that part. As a response, Esme smoothed her hand over my back. I was still having trouble breathing. Even more so as I waited.
"Can you tell me the last time that happened?" Carlisle asked, and I sighed. That was much easier to answer.
"The last time was.." I trailed off, thinking, "A few days ago. The night before I went to your house. Not anything since then."
"Alright." He sighed after a moment, "Thank you for telling me, Leandra. I appreciate it." I sniffled, and nodded. He didn't think any less of me. He wasn't disgusted by me, or ashamed of me.
"Not since then." I murmured, shaking my head, "I think it's because he was going to give me to his dad. I think that made me off limits." That actually made a lot of sense to me, considering the things Jack told me over the last day or so.
"That's the worst of it." I murmured, finally looking up shamefully. He might not have been ashamed of me, but I was ashamed of myself. I didn't even know why, but there was no denying that emotion was there, "There's a lot more to it, but that's the worst of it."
"Honey, are you sure he was actually meaning to give you away?" Esme asked, and I finally looked to her. I nodded a little.
"Ken told me." I answered, "Jack told me, and Jack gave him my papers. My birth certificate and everything. Ken said I'd stay there for a year, and if Jack wanted me back by then, then he might get me back."
She and I both looked to Carlisle at his sigh.
"I'll be needing to know the basics and smaller details later on, but for right now, there's just one thing I want you to do." He told me quietly, and I waited, "Just rest now. Relax and calm down."
"I don't know how."
I watched as he moved to the bag sitting on the floor, and opened it. Lifting out a warm set of pajamas.
These pajamas were a really pretty blue color, and looked a little too big for me. They weren't very heavy looking, but not as thin as the set of pajamas I was wearing currently. He set them on the table, noticing me watching him.
"These are for you." He explained gently, "Go ahead and get clean, and I'll be right back in a moment, okay?" I pursed my lips, sighing, but I nodded anyway.
I hesitantly stood, finally moving away from Esme.
"Esme, a word?" Carlisle wanted to talk to her alone. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I was still shaking, still feeling the ache of nauseating nervousness in my stomach. I was sure that's why he wanted me to calm down. I was too worked up, but a shower wasn't going to help that.
By the time they came back in, I had already taken my cold shower, and was too close to falling asleep to move. Much too tired. I shivered under the blanket, colder than I had been before, but my mind needed sleep too much to let that keep it awake.
"Honey." Esme was concerned at how tight of a ball I was curled up into.
"The water is colder here, I think." I mumbled, leaving my eyes closed. I felt the bed dip, looking up at Carlisle beside me. He gently placed the back of his fingers against my cheek, and I kept my eyes on him. Tensing. He frowned, sighing.
"What do you mean by that, sweetheart?" Esme asked, sitting by my feet.
"The water." I mumbled, finally looking to her, "From the shower."
"Did the warm water not work?" She asked, and I shrugged a little.
"I don't know. I'm not allowed to try it." I answered, and her confusion melted away, replaced by an upset sort of concern as she turned her horrified gaze to Carlisle.
Trembling like this hurt. I was tense. More tense than I had been before. I closed my eyes again, curling tighter into my ball. I always hated the warming up after a shower. It hurt so much.
"Come here, honey." Esme stood up, gesturing I do so as well. I hesitated, watching her, "It's okay." Slowly, I uncurled, whimpering as I kicked the blanket off of me, and my shivers restarted full force.
She led me into the bathroom, and I stood there, watching her restart the water. This time, instead of a shower, it was a bath she started.
"I don't like baths." I admitted quietly, and for a moment, grew nervous at giving my opinion.
"I think I can imagine why." She sighed gently, "It's alright, sweetheart."
Biting my lip, I watched as she fixed the temperature of the water with the hot water. I hadn't had a bath in so long, as I switched from baths as soon as I could. A cold shower was more tolerable than sitting submerged in cold water.
After a moment, she looked to me, "There you go. That should be a little better." I waited, unsure. She gestured me forward, "Come on, honey. It's alright."
"I've never been allowed." I replied quietly, standing there shivering and hiding my hands behind my back, "Are you sure I won't get into trouble for it?"
"Why would you get into trouble for using hot water?" She asked, concerned.
"Jack." I mumbled, "He always told me that I never earned it, so it's always been cold showers for me."
"Well," She said, "I think you've earned it long ago. Give it a try, honey." I hesitated, until I curiously stepped forward.
"Am I allowed?" I had to make sure, looking up at her as she stood up.
"Of course you are." She told me, and I nodded, stepping closer to the tub. Slowly, I reached my hand out, and touched the water. Jerking back at first when the temperature wasn't at all how I expected it to be. The warmth that surrounded my hand made me shiver, and I smiled a little as I replaced my hand.
She gently smoothed my hair, turning to leave. I turned, following her a little.
"C-Can you stay?" I asked quietly, and she paused, "I'm a little nervous."
"Of course." She gave me a comforting smile, and I nodded.
I hesitated for just a few seconds. Realizing that I was about to show someone else what Jack did for the first time. I waited, steeling myself. I'd already dug my own grave by telling them, why not show them too?
I turned my back to her, and carefully lifted my shirt over my head. I paused at her quiet gasp. Glancing back at her, noticing her deeply saddened gaze. I felt bad.
"Sorry." I mumbled, pulling the shirt all the way off. Freeing my arms, "It's like that all over."
"Oh, honey." She murmured sadly.
"It's bad." I nodded, "I know. I'm sorry. I should have warned you."
"No, honey." She replied, "No. It's not your fault." I watched as she turned, opening the door just a bit. Probably calling Carlisle in. I sighed, standing there and waiting. As much as that unsettled me, I wasn't going to say anything. I was far too tired to put up much of a fight anymore anyway, even if I wanted to.
To be honest, I sort of expected this reaction. For the first time, I was actually showing proof of Jack's actions. That bothered me, it really did, but I trusted them. I had no choice but to trust them.
Sure enough, he took one look at me, and came in.
"They were worse before." I mumbled as he kneeled behind me, already pressing along the outside of the bruises gently, "They've healed a lot." There wasn't a lot of room for him to press without having to press on another bruise. I hardly had any clear skin anywhere. He put hardly any pressure, so it didn't hurt. Not really.
"I can see that." Carlisle murmured, concerned.
"They don't hurt as much anymore." I continued, keeping my eyes on the wall, "Only now and then. When I move or breathe wrong." I suppressed the urge to cringe away, biting my lip. He never pressed too hard, though. Hardly adding any pressure, and after only a few minutes, he stood and stepped back.
"Jack did that to you?" Carlisle asked, and I nodded, turning to face him.
"It depends, though." I said, "The older ones are from awhile ago. Couple days. The skinnier ones are from today." I turned a little, trying to see my own back in the mirror. That was difficult to do without stretching the bruises, so I gave up with a sigh, "Ken did those ones today. They're not so bad."
"There's nothing I can do about the bruises." He murmured, "But I can give you something for the pain-"
"No thanks." I mumbled, tensing and shaking my head, "I don't need it."
"Are you sure?" He asked, and I nodded.
"I don't like taking stuff that makes me sleep." I replied, "Last time I did that, I woke up hurting more than before I went to sleep." His eyes closed briefly, and he hung his head for a second. As if having a hard time with that. I pursed my lips, looking away.
"If you change your mind," He finally told me, "Please don't hesitate to ask." I nodded a little. I probably wouldn't, but I wouldn't say that.
I waited until he left before removing the last piece of clothing on me. Esme stayed with me, thankfully, keeping me company.
The warm water certainly took some getting used to, but it was a very, very welcome and pleasant change from the cold. I settled into the warm water, surprised at how much this didn't hurt. How sitting in water actually felt good.
I finally figured out what it meant to be completely clean, instead of 'good enough' clean. Taking my time washing my hair along with the rest of me without having to rush through it.
After my bath, I sat cuddled with a pillow on the bed. My tired eyes on the floor as Esme gently brushed out my clean hair. For as long as I could remember, I'd never had anyone do this for me. For once, I wasn't just someone's beer bringer, or someone's problem.
Just like the warm water, this would take some getting used to.
Now that I was calm, I could think. I felt better now that they knew, as weird as it sounded. I felt better, relieved that I didn't have to hide anymore. Not with them. I didn't have to pretend that I was okay. I was cautiously learning that it was okay to not be okay.
"Leandra." Esme murmured, "You never said exactly what made you run away today."
"Ken." I answered quietly, my voice partially hidden by the pillow, "He made me run."
"What happened?" She asked, "What did he do?"
I was quiet for a minute, knowing it was pointless to try to stall anymore. The sooner I answered her, the sooner I could go to sleep.
"I found out last night," I explained, "That Jack was going to leave me here. Because he found the card Alice gave me. With your number." I looked to Carlisle, "I kept it hidden for as long as I could, but he found it, and he was mad." I trailed off, getting my thoughts straight.
"Jack took the others out, so Ken could talk to me alone." I continued, "He told me.. That I had all these new rules to follow, and I didn't think the rules were so bad. It wasn't that that made me run." I paused again, hesitating.
"What was it?" Esme prompted, and I realized why it was so hard not to answer her. The tone she used was quiet, caring. Like she honestly wanted to know, so she could comfort me. It was strange to me, but I remembered it from that day. The day I first met her.
I kept my tired eyes down, my heart skipping a beat as I clearly remembered how scared I had been just a few hours ago. I was so worn out, I couldn't stall much longer. I just wanted it over with, and I hoped that once I told them, I wouldn't be asked about it again.
"He kissed me." I mumbled, those three words threatening to make tears spring to my eyes. Before they did, though, I yawned instead.
"Pardon?" Carlisle asked, and I glanced to him nervously.
"He said.." I mumbled, "That because he was willing to take me in, there was something he wanted from me in return." I avoided their gazes now, "And he kissed me. It scared me, because that's something that Jack's never done before. So, well.. I ran. I couldn't get away right away, but I tried." I paused, "I bit him."
They were quiet now, so I continued.
"I don't think I've ever run so fast."
"You're okay now, sweetheart." Esme finally said, "No one's ever going to hurt you again." I didn't miss the way she looked to Carlisle, or the subtle hint of danger in her gentle tone. It was faint, very faint, but I knew Carlisle had heard it too. Given the way he returned her gaze.
I knew I had a long road ahead of me, but for right then, I was even too tired to be hungry anymore. Esme understood, letting me know that what she'd gotten me to eat would be there when I woke up.
It was as if the warm water had stolen every bit of energy I had. Crawling back under the blankets, my eyes already closing. Barely opening enough to look to Esme as she brought the blanket further over me. Sitting beside me on the side of the bed.
"Get some sleep, honey." She murmured, and I yawned, "We'll be here when you wake up." I nodded, letting my eyes close. I felt safe right where I was. Something about having the blanket so snug around me, and having Esme sitting so close made that possible. I'd have someone sitting up. Watching me to make sure nobody could get to me. I'd been fighting on my own for so long, it was impossible not to instantly appreciate that.
I was almost immediately out cold. There was no pausing to think before falling asleep. There were no nervous fidgets, or trying to get comfortable. My eyes closed, and that was it. My overwhelming day only ensuring I didn't waste any time falling asleep.
I must have rolled over in my sleep, because when I opened my eyes, it was dark in the room, and I was facing the opposite way, on my other side. When I'd fallen asleep, the room had still had a light on, so this change was disorienting.
I still hated the dark. I doubted that would ever change. It felt too suffocating, and there was always some sense of paralyzing anticipation there. Like at any second, something would grab me. I struggled to see in the dark, my panicked breathing quiet, but painful as it was choked off.
I sat up, a strong tremble chilling me as my heart skipped a beat. I absolutely hated the dark. Especially the pitch dark. It reminded me too much of home, and that just wouldn't do. I was afraid, but too afraid to move.
Only one almost silent sob had a chance to leave me.
"Leandra?" Esme's voice was quiet, coming from the bed beside mine. It was quiet, but it startled a quiet yelp from me. For just a second, I wondered how she knew I was awake, as I sat there silently, hardly even rustling the blanket.
That no longer mattered seconds later, and just like before, being startled made me cry. Large tears started from my eyes, followed by many others. Sobs squeezing from me before I could stop them.
I heard her climb out of bed, and take the two steps it took to get to my bed, sitting on the side of the bed again. Hugging me to her side, I felt so stupid for crying, but I couldn't stop it. My cries only picked up, so when she pulled me onto her lap, I didn't mind it too much. I knew it was Esme, and I knew she just wanted to calm me down.
This way, she was able to literally hold me. Unlike before, she'd only hugged me. This time, I was seated sideways across her lap, her arms around my shoulders as my head rested on her shoulder. Holding me securely, but not tightly. A little like Mike had done before, but this was different. If I thought his embrace was comforting, this was a thousand times more so.
As comforting as her embrace was, that did almost nothing to ease the fear. I trembled roughly in her arms. Reduced to a tiny trembling ball of tears, just because the light was gone. I felt so stupid, but I couldn't stop it.
"I'm sorry." I cried quietly, and I felt her shake her head.
"No. It's alright, honey." She assured me, "You're okay."
I kept my cries as quiet as I could, struggling to keep from choking on them too loudly. As stupid as it was, I had expected Esme and Carlisle to be awake when I woke up. Even despite the late hour. Esme didn't sound tired, though, which comforted me.
Eventually, with her arms around me, I calmed. Nobody had ever done this for me before. Just held me. Letting me lean against her, she kept telling me that I was fine, and I knew I was. To believe someone like that was enough to comfort me. Not to mention how calming her voice was.
It was still dark in the room, and I quickly began to realize how tired I still was. I barely noticed when I started to tremble again, but not from fear. I was a little cold.
I focused my eyes on the small dim light from the smoke detector on the wall. Blinking tiredly, unable to keep from yawning as my breathing evened out. Left over emotion shook my exhausted yawn.
This was a new thing, letting her hold me, but it was something I didn't want to let go of. Not to lay back down anyway, so I closed my eyes right there in her arms. Just to rest them, but I couldn't help falling asleep right there.
I startled awake at the sound of the door closing, and I was alone. I was laying back down, back under the soft blanket.
I wasted no time, looking around in the very dim light provided by the approaching dawn outside the window. It wasn't quite light in the room, but it was brighter than it had been before. That didn't ease me this time, though.
Just the sound of the door could set me into panic, and I scrambled out of bed, running around the next bed over before jumping onto it. Taking the free five inches or so between where Carlisle laid and the edge of the bed.
I squeezed my eyes shut, whimpering. I knew I'd woken him up, but I couldn't help it. I heard the sound of the door, and I was instantly so sure that Jack had found me.
I curled into a tiny ball, my knees literally under my chin as I laid on my side. My arm covering my head.
I whimpered again, hoping Carlisle wouldn't be mad at me. I half expected to get yelled at like I'd gotten from Jack the other morning when I'd done this same thing. I waited to be shoved off the bed, onto the floor. I waited for him to get mad at me. I waited for the harsh words.
"Leandra?" He asked quietly, "What is it?" I couldn't answer him yet. Waiting for the moment Jack would drag me off the bed and start beating me for running away. Given the way Carlisle only sat up behind where I laid, I knew he wasn't mad.
Carlisle sighed, probably understanding now.
"You're alright, Leandra." He told me, and I flinched slightly at the comforting way he stroked my hair. Just once, before he sat up completely.
He waited with me, watching as I slowly began to believe that I was alright. My tight ball loosened ever-so-slightly as he watched, until the door opened again, and I was right back to the tense, trembling and defensive ball of me that I was before.
"She's okay." Carlisle assured who I assumed was Esme, "She came over as you first left."
"Oh, honey." Esme's voice beside me had me look to her, "I'm sorry I wasn't quieter." I couldn't reply yet. Her eyes softened as I met her gaze, so I knew she wasn't mad either. She looked up, probably to Carlisle, "Alice called. She thinks we should stay a little while longer. To give Leandra a chance to adjust to us and rest a little more before putting her through the long drive back."
"I agree." Carlisle replied, "I was considering the same thing." Hearing Alice's name helped. I knew her, so I felt better.
I closed my eyes again, listening to them talk quietly.
I'd always noticed the little things. Probably because I was a little thing myself, but I noticed things most people didn't. Recalling last night, and just now, I noticed something that I hardly gave any thought to, but was puzzling just the same.
Last night, when Esme had woken up, when she spoke her voice held no hint that she'd been asleep. I remembered observing that. Now, Carlisle's was the same way. Normally, when Jack or my mom would first wake up, their voice would be heavier. This wasn't the same.
I shrugged off that mystery, however. Maybe because of me, they didn't get the best sleep the night before.
"I'm sorry." I started to cry. This time, feeling bad for what I'd done.
"No, honey." Esme murmured beside the bed, "No. You're alright." I uncurled only long enough to hug her. She comforted me easily by returning the embrace, sighing sadly.
The rest of the morning progressed. Slowly, I became less tense, and was able to finally eat something.
Esme and I got to talking, and I found I liked it just as much as I had before. I must have expected it to be temporary or something, but she still didn't treat me like something stupid. And after admitting all I had the night before, that was a very big thing to me.
Carlisle kept his distance, observing from afar, no doubt.
I started to realize how much easier it was to talk to someone without having to think about each response carefully before I said it. Of course, I had my moments of, 'Oh God, what have I done?'
It was odd, feeling fine one minute, and panicking the next. Or panicking one moment, and the next, calming myself. This was the best way, I'd tell myself. I had to do this. There was no other option, I'd tell myself.
Moments of sitting there staring at nothing, imagining the punishment I'd get for doing this. Moments of locking myself in the bathroom for half an hour, just staring at myself in the mirror. What the hell was I doing?
They gave me my time. They assured me that they understood. I wasn't trying to back out, like I had been before. I was just mixed up. Unsure how to feel, and lost. Relieved and scared. Nervous and panicky, but learning how to calm down. It was a very uneasy place in my head.
About the third panicky fit I was in the middle of, Esme had an idea. I laid on the bed, my head buried under three pillows while the rest of me curled into a ball.
"Leandra?" I didn't move at her quiet voice.
"I'm done for." I cried into the pillow.
"No you're not." Esme tried to tell me for the thousandth time, "Leandra, I have someone that wants to talk to you."
I sat up quick enough to send two pillows rolling to the foot of the bed, suddenly upright and looking around. She only meant on the phone she held out. I breathed out deeply, slouching a little in the sudden break of tension.
Hesitantly, I took the phone from her. Before I could even say anything, the other person spoke up.
"Leandra?" It was Alice, and I smiled, despite the nervousness.
"Hi." I spoke quietly.
"I hear you're having doubts."
"Not doubts." I replied, nervously picking at the comforter beside me, "I know I had to do it. It's just.. All my life, I've been told not to tell anyone. Now that I have, I don't know what to do. I know I had to do it, but it feels wrong to me."
"I can tell you right now that you made the right decision, Leandra." She murmured.
"You think?" I hesitantly started to hope.
"I know." She replied, "I know you're probably confused, but you couldn't be in better hands. I promise."
"Okay." I sighed, nodding a little.
"I also wanted to let you know that there's no chance he's getting you back this time." She continued, "Not like last time. I've already had a conversation or two with the ones here that need to know, and they'll be patiently waiting for you to come back. They'll want a word with you."
I whined hesitantly, dread coloring the sound.
"I know." She heard, "But it needed to happen. Precautions are needed in cases like this. You'll be okay. For now, just focus on adjusting. And calm down."
"I'll try." I mumbled, "I just don't know how to feel anymore."
"That's normal." She replied, "This is a big change, Leandra. It'll get easier when you get here, but for what it's worth, I'm so proud of you."
"You are?" I had to ask.
"I am." I heard the smile in her voice, "You don't even realize yet what you managed to do, do you?"
"I guess not."
"You will." She assured me, her tone still smiling, "Just try not to worry so much. Try not to panic, or freak out. You're safe now."
"Okay." I agreed with another sigh, "I'll try."
"Okay." She accepted that, "I'll see you when you guys get back. Can I talk to Esme again?"
I told her goodbye, and handed the phone over. I curled back up, but not as tensely as before. I knew, and I trusted Alice. She'd been the first one there, so I listened to her when she said things like that.
I snoozed a little while Esme spoke with Alice. Not quite awake, but not quite asleep.
It wasn't until the evening that they chose to leave at all, and I had to admit, I was glad they waited. Letting me get out all my nervous, panicky fidgets and paces before even deciding to go anywhere. Pacing would be hard to do in the backseat of a car.
I had to take another shower before we left, and I was hesitant until Esme told me that I could still use the hot water. Then I practically ran into the bathroom myself.
This time, she let me adjust the temperature of the water myself. Probably to get used to it. Considering it was only my second time using it. Probably since I was a baby. I quickly figured out that I shouldn't be too stubborn about the cold water. Hot water hurt when the balance wasn't right. Especially when I wasn't used to it.
I'd burn myself, laugh, and try again. Adding just a little more cold, before burning myself again. Then I figured out it'd be easier, and less painful, to just make it cold, and lessen the cold gradually instead of adding it gradually.
When I got out, I towel dried my hair the best I could get it, but it was still damp, and I was given a new set of clothes.
Though I had just gotten new clothes with Jack, I liked these even more. My new clothes fit just perfectly, and it felt so strange to have these near strangers taking such great care of me when I'd never had that before.
A t-shirt that actually fit me, but also showed off the deep bruising of my upper arms. I expressed my discomfort with showing that in public, until Esme gestured to a sweatshirt I had yet to realize was mine. This one was big on me, by two sizes, so of course I loved it. They really had thought of everything. Right down to the socks and the shoes I wore now.
"From here," Esme told me, "We're just taking you home where you'll spend the night. Then we'll call Charlie." I let her take my hand, despite how nervous I was, "We'll stop at a hotel a little later, because I know how uncomfortable traveling straight home would be for you."
The ride from there actually eased me a bit. Something about leaving that city behind helped my heart slow down, and my breathing even out a bit more comfortably. This back seat was a whole lot more comfortable than Jack's, as it actually had padding.
I didn't try talking. I didn't want to talk at this point. Only answering questions when Esme needed to know something. Was I okay, was I hungry, did I feel okay. I was thinking hard, though. My thoughts refusing to slow down as I stared out the window at the night scenery.
However, I was asleep by the time we did stop sometime around early morning. Half asleep as I was lifted from the backseat. I shifted a little, only moving enough to get comfortable and wrap my arms around Esme's neck. I didn't even have to open my eyes to know it was her.
The temperature change going from outside to inside the hotel was enough to wake me up a little more. Despite how I really didn't want to wake up.
"Isn't she cute?" I heard the desk clerk ask quietly. Probably to make small talk as Carlisle paid for a room.
Before I could stop it, I sighed. Frowned, and sat up.
"Ow." I whimpered. The way I had been held was starting to hurt. That was probably not a usual reaction from sleeping kids that walked through here, so the clerk's concern was justified. I didn't want him to be concerned about me. Not with Carlisle and Esme with me.
I looked up at him as Esme gently let me on my feet, "I was asleep too long in the backseat." I smiled a little, "Sore now."
Instantly, his concern was squashed, and he smiled back at me. It fading once he took in the healing bruise across my face I hadn't had a chance to cover, and the concern was back. I didn't have a chance to cover it up like I normally did.
"What happened there, sweetheart?" By now, I gathered he was suspicious of Carlisle and Esme, so I just shrugged a little. I needed a new lie. New place, new lie.
"Baseball." I laughed as if nothing in the world was wrong, "Josh threw it too fast for me to catch."
"Josh your brother?" The clerk asked, and I shook my head.
"Cousin." I corrected, "He didn't even want to let me play. I guess that's why they say girls aren't very good at sports, huh? He felt so bad." The clerk chuckled, shaking his head. As if scolding himself for ever doubting.
"Here you go, Mr. Cullen." The clerk went about his business. I looked up at Esme, taking her hand in mine. I hoped she didn't mind. I was a very convincing liar when I needed to be, and taking Esme's hand told the clerk I trusted them. I had to show as well as tell. That was the key.
"Put some ice on that." The clerk suggested to me before we walked away.
"Believe me, I have been." I smiled, "Thanks."
That smile instantly faded the moment the elevator doors closed, and I started to cry.
"I hate lying to people." I explained at Esme's worry. That, and I was tired. I was twice as emotional when I was tired.
This room didn't look much different than the old one, except I wouldn't be spending nearly as much time here as I had there. I just wanted to fall asleep. I hated traveling.
"Honey," Esme said as I fell onto the bed, "You've still got to eat something."
"Have you guys eaten?" I asked, looking over at her. She smiled comfortingly at me.
"It's not us we're worried about."
"I'm more tired than hungry." I admitted quietly. Letting my eyes close.
"Alright, sweetie." She murmured, "Get some rest." I didn't even move enough to put my head on the pillows. I laid sideways across the bed, already so close to falling asleep. Tears drying on my cheeks, I sighed.
I woke slightly to being moved. Laid rightways on the bed, and my shoes were removed. With a gentle smooth of my hair, Esme let me rest. I rolled over onto my side, but that was it.
I squinted my eyes open a little later, noticing that the bright, afternoon daylight outside was closed off behind the thick curtains. I'd been covered with a light blanket, as the bed I laid on was still made.
I laid there in bed. Comfortably on my side, the light in the corner on, just so it wasn't so dark. I appreciated that. Very much. Then I started listening.
Esme stood talking with Carlisle a few feet away from the bed. His arms around her, comforting her.
"We need to figure this out, because I don't know what else she can go through." Esme was upset. I had upset her. She'd never said anything, or even looked like she was upset. I felt bad as she went on, "How can anyone treat a child that way?"
"I know." Carlisle sighed in response.
"Nine years old." She murmured softly, "Just a baby. It's unimaginable. We don't even know it all, and it's already appalling. It breaks my heart."
"About that.." Carlisle sighed again, "We're going to have to ask her about it soon. She'll need some sort of practice with talking about it if she's going to open up at all to the police."
"I'm trying." She replied, giving a gentle nod, "I can't imagine it's going to be easy to get her to open up about it without Alice here, at least."
"I'm not too sure about that." Carlisle said, "She seems to be building an attachment to you."
"She wouldn't be the only one." Esme admitted, sighing herself, "It's so difficult not to return that attachment."
"I'm sure the vision she's had isn't helping that any." He added, seeming concerned, "No doubt she'll begin remembering things once everything starts settling down."
He was referring to that dream. He called it a 'vision'. Was that what it had been? It finally made sense to call it something besides just a dream, because even I knew it wasn't just a dream.
"Alice isn't too concerned about it." Esme offered, "She's actually pretty optimistic. I'm sure she'll help her with it."
"Until then?"
"We let her come to it in her own time." She told him, "No sense in rushing these things, Carlisle. No matter where she ends up, Alice won't leave her. You know that."
I let my eyes close again, continuing to listen to them. Somehow, hearing their quiet voices comforted me. I liked it. It assured me that I wasn't alone.
"I'm only worried." Carlisle murmured, "She seems so reluctant to trust."
"She's still adjusting." She explained, "She just needs time, I'm sure. Leandra obviously trusted you enough to call you. That says enough in itself. She's been through too much, and she's been practically alone too long to completely trust immediately. I can only imagine how scared she must have been if it was enough to push her right out of her fear and right to us."
Carlisle sighed, "There's more to it than what she's told us. I know there is."
"In time." Esme reminded him, "We know plenty to get her away from there. She wants to trust, and she has more to say. I see that much, but she did call. It's a start."
"One step at a time." He sighed.
"One step at a time." She agreed.
It was such a new thing for me to realize. How a conversation could go from him comforting her, to her easing him so effortlessly. Smoothly returning support from him to her, without really even trying. It was actually comforting to me. To know that sort of thing was out there. I'd never seen anything like it before.
"If she needs an attachment," Esme added gently, "I'm more than happy to be it, because I know I won't let her down. I think she deserves to know that, and I have to admit. It's becoming very difficult to trust that on anyone else. It's becoming very difficult to trust her safety in anyone else, given how little her own family has been known to protect her."
"I was worried about that." Carlisle replied just as gently with a soft sigh, "My only hope is that she's not sent too far. For your sake as well as hers."
I figured it was rude just laying here listening in, without saying anything. As much as I appreciated finally being let in on their thoughts of me, I didn't want their thoughts of me to sour.
"Is Jack going to be home when we get there?" I asked quietly, opening my eyes again and watching as they turned to look at me.
"No, honey." Esme assured me, "Not our house." She moved forward, sitting gently on the side of the bed. I stayed curled, looking up at her.
"Oh, I'm not going home?" I asked, surprised, "I'll be going to your house?"
"Well, there'll be nobody to watch you at your house." She replied quietly, "Your mother isn't there."
"Fuck her." I grumbled bitterly, surprising Esme.
"Honey." She scolded lightly, "You shouldn't use that kind of language."
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, "I don't mean to. I just hate her."
"Why?"
"Because she left." I replied, "She just left me there. Jack was right. She never wanted me." I sighed, looking to my hand curled in the blanket under my chin, "How come nobody wants me?"
"That's not true." She murmured.
"I've never been so bad. I'm not really a bad kid. I mean, I don't run around burning things down, and I've never hurt anyone. Not seriously. Ken will be okay." I paused, "My dad didn't want me. My mom didn't want me. Jack only wanted me around so he could hit me, but even then, he was going to give me to his dad or drop me off in Mexico."
"Did he say that?" She asked, and I nodded.
"He told me I was lucky he didn't drop me off in Mexico, and let someone else profit off my ass." I muttered, "I'm not too sure what he meant by that, but I think I have an idea."
She took a breath, looking to Carlisle, "That man infuriates me."
"Sorry." I mumbled, and she looked to me again.
"Oh, honey." She sighed, "Sometimes life is complicated." She obviously didn't know what to say. I couldn't blame her.
"But why does it have to be complicated for me?" I asked, "I never did anything wrong. Jack blames me for everything, but I know at least some of that has to be made up. Sometimes, though, I'm not too sure."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I had to have done something to deserve what life I got." I explained, "I've asked Jack what I did so wrong to make him hate me so much. All he says is that it's because I was born. He says that I was made unwanted, born unwanted, and I'm going to die unwanted. He tells me that all the time."
I hadn't realized how sad my tone was, until I could see it in her eyes. I pursed my lips a little, deciding to try to fix it. I didn't want her to be sad, oddly enough. I knew the more I admitted to her, the more sad she got. I wanted to fix it.
"I guess some people just get the short end of the stick sometimes." I sighed and rolled over onto my back. Looking up at her where she sat. Closing my eyes briefly, before looking back up at her, "As shitty as my life is, I am glad for one thing. Something I would never trade for the best life in the world."
"What is that, sweetie?" She asked.
"Dreaming about you guys." I replied, "If I hadn't of dreamed about you guys, then Jack probably would have.." I trailed off, "I don't know. Sold me to someone or he would have dropped me off in Mexico, like he said. If he didn't think to give me to Ken, he'd have gotten rid of me some other way, and I wouldn't have had anyone to call."
"He wouldn't." She murmured, stroking my hair. I looked up at her, still not used to the comforting gesture, but appreciating it all the same.
"You don't know him very well." I mumbled. She glanced across the room to Carlisle, his eyes on us, but I needed to express one more worry, "I don't want to go to someone who'll do that. There are lots of weirdos out there, you know. I got stuck with one of them, so who knows who I'll go to next?"
She gave me a soft smile, "You don't need to worry about that today, honey."
"I know." I murmured, yawning as my eyes closed, "I'm scared, though. If I have to go somewhere, I'd rather just stay with Jack. Or Ken, or whoever gets to keep me. At least there, I know what to expect."
She was quiet, and I jumped lightly at the sound of the heater turning on. I jumped at every unexpected sound. Opening my eyes, I looked back up at Esme's sad gaze. This time, however, I didn't cry. I must have been calming down.
"Something's different." I mumbled, and she seemed confused, "I don't know how to explain it, except that something's changed. It's not the same. I've felt it for awhile now." She was quiet, "Is that part of the gift thing Alice was telling me about? How I'm just not okay with something?"
"I can ask her for you." She offered and I nodded.
"I think I'm remembering." I admitted almost silently, "I think I'm starting to remember things. Things about the dream."
"Like what?" She continued to smooth my hair, which I appreciated. She had a way of doing it that made me feel a whole lot better. Like the gentle movement could reach all the tension I had.
"I trust you." I mumbled, "A-At least a little. It means I knew you. In the dream, I mean. I knew you. I knew you'd be there. I knew Carlisle would come. I know there should be a memory there, but it's hard to get to. I know you don't think I'm weird."
"Of course not." She replied, shaking her head.
"I'm not used to that." I continued, "I'm not used to trusting anyone I just met. Not like that. Not like anything. I hate everyone I first meet, but I can't with any of you. It's impossible. That has to mean something, right?"
She was quiet, knowing I still wanted to keep talking.
"I think I'm starting to remember." I sighed, repeating myself, "I remember you. I remember Carlisle, and everyone else, but I haven't seen who I remember the most."
"Who's that, honey?"
"The only one I think I remember actually seeing. I don't remember much about him except.." I paused, "No, you'll think I'm nuts."
"Not at all." She assured me, and I looked up at her, "Go on."
"His red eyes." I admitted. I waited the several silent seconds, and I watched as she glanced to Carlisle yet again. Probably to make sure he was still listening, "I remember him. I think it's because of the feeling I get. I'm afraid, but for different reasons I think than I should be. I don't like him much, whoever it is."
"If you remember anything else about him, it might tell us who you're talking about." Esme told me quietly, and I sighed.
"I'll try." I murmured.
She didn't think I was nuts. She believed me. Just like that, she believed me.
I fell back to sleep at that thought, knowing Esme would stay there. Something I never had was the confidence that someone would stay. Somehow, I just knew. I knew she wouldn't leave my side as I slept. Neither of them would.
When I woke next, I sat up instantly. At first, I thought I was alone by the way I didn't see anyone around me. Then, I found Carlisle sitting in the chair in the corner. Reading a rather large book.
I watched him for a moment, curious. He glanced up, noticing me watching him, and I looked back down. Finding my hands suddenly more fascinating.
"Are you alright?" He asked, and I frowned a little.
"No." I answered quietly, and he set his book to the side. I listened to him stand, and I knew he was coming over. Crossing the room to sit on the side of the bed, I hardly glanced at him, "Where's Esme?"
"She'll be back in a moment." He answered, "She only went to get you something to eat."
"I'm not that hungry." I mumbled, "It hurts too much." He was quiet, so I figured I'd explain, "Sometimes the healing part hurts as much as getting the bruises. Just in a different way."
"How often would he hit you?" He asked, "Was it always that way?"
"Not always." I replied, "Just a lot. When I mess up, or piss him off. When I just annoy him, it's not as bad. I do mess up a lot, though. Most of the time, the old bruises don't have enough time to heal before he gives me more or makes them worse."
I was far more cooperative now, and he was seeing that. He'd given me my space up until now, letting Esme be the one to interact with me. Even I could see how that helped.
"Carlisle, there's a lot you don't know." I admitted after a minute of silence, looking up shamefully. Confirming his earlier thoughts during his conversation with Esme.
"I'm starting to see that." He nodded a little, "But I'm willing to try to help you, if you're willing to be helped." I looked down, "You don't need to fear me, Leandra. I promise you."
"I know." I replied, "I'm just.. Really confused."
"And that's understandable, given how much you've been through lately." He explained, "We'll get you through this."
"Why did you come?" I had to ask, "You didn't have to. I'm nobody."
He sighed, "I won't lie. I don't pretend to understand much about this situation, between Alice and yourself, but I also won't attempt to stand against it. I trust Alice's judgement, and when she tells me someone is in need, I take her word for it."
I stayed quiet now, studying his expression with continued confusion of my own.
"And I also meant what I told you before." He added, "You reached out, Leandra. I do understand how much courage that has to take for someone in your situation, even if you're convinced it was only out of fear. I can assure you, that took amazing amounts of courage, and I wanted to show you that even though you've been shown differently before, there are still reasons to hope."
"Maybe that's why I'm confused." I murmured, "I've never had any reason to hope before."
"Never?"
"Well," I shrugged lightly, "There was hoping my dad would suddenly decide to care about me again, but if he hadn't bothered to see or talk to me since he left, why bother? My mom ignored me every day, so she wasn't much hope. I couldn't tell anyone, or expect them to bother their own lives long enough to look at me, so there went that. The only thing I learned to hope for was that Jack was in an okay mood that day, or I could finally find a hiding spot good enough to keep him from finding me. That one never worked."
I took a breath as it was his turn to study me, "It's not that I'm afraid of you. It's not that. I'm not. I just.." I trailed off, shrugging lightly again.
"You've just been given far too many reasons not to trust." He added, and I sighed. Finally, there was an explanation to how I felt.
"Exactly." He did understand, which relieved me. I didn't want him to think that I didn't like him.
"I can't blame you for that." He told me, "Nobody can. You've earned the right, more than I'm sure you know, to reserve judgement. Until you can see for yourself that you're in good hands, I can't do much to sway your opinion, and that's okay.
"I want you to take your time. I want you to come to see this for yourself. The amount of trust you have shown me so far is more than I could have asked for, so I thank you for that. I thank you for your honesty, despite all the reasons you had not to give it."
I didn't know what to say to that. Though I had no choice in being honest, and we both knew it, he thanked me for it? He was thanking me for calling him? For asking for his help? He spoke, acted like my life somehow mattered to him, and that was a new thing to me.
We both glanced over as Esme returned, smiling a little as she closed the door quietly behind herself.
"But until then," Carlisle continued, taking my attention again, "I strongly believe that you deserve all the kindness we can give to you, because it's been withheld from you for so very long. We'll figure this out, Leandra. For now, all you have to focus on is getting some rest." I nodded, looking down, "We'll make it home tomorrow, and from there, it's one step at a time."
I felt much better after talking to Carlisle a little more. I was indescribably glad it hadn't turned out like Ken. The way I had been expecting myself to like Ken better after I talked to him, only to be proven so wrong. This was different. I already sensed that Carlisle was okay, and talking with him only helped me see that a little more.
Maybe that's why I'd been putting it off? I didn't want to find out he wasn't good. Now that I didn't have to worry about that much anymore, I felt a little better. It did help.
A/N: Aww. :D
I really, really like how this edit came out. This was one of the chapters bugging me the most. I guess when I wrote the original, I didn't know how to word things right, but I think I fixed it, so yay for that.
THANK YOU to those AWESOME reviewers! You know who you are. :) You've made me one happy author/person!
Eleven will be out soon, but no current estimation. Hopefully, we can move on soon. That part may take some time, because I need to make that longer. We'll see what comes of it, though. :)
Oh, and I know I said it yesterday, but here it is again for those reading today.
Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas! :D Have a happy/fun/safe/exciting/lovely holiday!
Until Eleven, my friends! :D