Chapter Eleven
We made it to their house the next evening. Carlisle had started us off very early, and drove straight home now. We didn't stop this time, but I was allowed to lay down and sleep in the backseat. The warmth was just enough to ease me, and the motion of the car allowed me to sleep, but not sleep deep enough to dream, so that was actually a plus.
With the tint on the windows as dark as it was, the sunlight didn't bother me. Until the sunlight faded behind clouds, and as evening approached, faded completely. Before I knew it, I'd snoozed the entire trip away.
However, I was moody. Uncomfortable from sitting for so long, and emotional. Scared, but knowing I couldn't go back now if I wanted to. I was uncertain, but not about trying to believe Carlisle. He knew what he was doing, even if I didn't. I was just along for the ride, and whatever happened from this point on was up to him.
I stepped into the house easily this time, no hesitation anywhere in me. I let myself be led into the living room to find the others. I wasn't as shy this time, even if I clearly knew I had to look like crap from the long drive. Nobody seemed mad that I had to have Carlisle come save me. They seemed just fine with me being there.
Alice stood and moved forward, hugging me.
"Hey again, shorty." Emmett was the first to say anything to greet me, and I took a shaky breath. I appreciated that, as it gave me more of a sense of how he was feeling.
"Hi." I mumbled in response. The least I could do was talk to him.
"Tough morning?" He had to ask. I couldn't help the renewing tears welling in my eyes as I nodded. I took a breath, wishing I could just stop crying. Instead of proving to them how much of a baby I was. I couldn't help it though. I was still in so much pain, and that, on top of being so scared just broke my heart.
Since I couldn't stop it, I stopped trying to stop it. Hugging onto Alice tighter, I squeezed my eyes shut as tears escaped. She accepted the hug easily, sighing.
"I know." She told me, "You're alright now. You did the right thing. You're so brave."
"I didn't want to call." I mumbled into the sleeve of her jacket, "I couldn't help it. I didn't want to live there."
"He was going to leave her with his father." Carlisle explained, "That's why he took her so far away."
"Just leave her there?" Emmett asked, surprised. Alice must have been the only one filled in on that particular detail. She didn't seem the least bit confused as she hugged me.
"Why?" Rosalie asked this time, "Why would he just leave her there?"
"Because I was noticed." I answered, turning to look at her, and she looked down to me, "He said I would stay there for however long it took for people to forget who I was."
I let go of Alice, stepping back.
"What's going to happen?" I had to ask quietly, looking up at her.
"Tonight, you'll stay here." Carlisle answered, and I looked back at him, "Tomorrow, I'll give Charlie a call. The police chief here. He'll come by and he'll ask you some things, and find a family to take you in."
"I won't go." I mumbled, "I would rather go back to Jack."
"Leandra." Alice sighed, and I looked down. I knew. 'Don't start that again' and all that.
"Sorry." I replied, sighing shakily.
"Why?" Jasper's voice had me look to him, "Why wouldn't she do all she could to get away from him?" He was directing that question to Alice, probably, but he was looking at me.
"She says something is different." Alice answered, "And that scares her." So Esme had talked to her. I hadn't been sure there for a moment, but given the fact that she knew, it told me she had. It was quiet for a moment as Jasper's eyes narrowed slightly in confusion, "Something like this must have happened in the dream she had, and it's different now."
"And she still can't remember what it is that has changed?" Jasper asked, and Alice shook her head.
"Well, let's think about it for a second." Jasper continued, "She knows us. She trusts us, without even really knowing why. Even despite the way that she doesn't trust her own trust." He paused, "Perhaps in this dream, we were the ones she went to?"
"That's highly unlikely." Carlisle murmured, and I looked to him.
"I don't think it's so unlikely." I mumbled, unshed tears in my eyes.
"Are you sure?" Alice asked, and I nodded.
"What else can you remember about it?" Jasper asked me quietly, and I looked to him.
"Not much else." I admitted quietly, taking a calming breath, "It's still there, though. Just waiting, I think, for me to get back to sleep like I was sleeping that night, but that's going to be hard to do."
"Why?" He asked almost hesitantly.
"Because I was really hurt that night, and I don't even remember sleeping." I replied, "I remember.. The night before that, and I remember laying there on the floor. I remember waking up, but almost nothing in between, but I know I dreamed."
"Carlisle," Alice spoke up again, "A word?" I sighed, watching her turn. Leading Carlisle into another room. It started again. I wanted to tell them that they didn't need to leave the room to talk about me, but to me, that seemed too much like trying to boss them around.
"I don't mean to bother anyone." I murmured almost silently, "I should have just stayed home that day."
"You're not a bother to anyone." Jasper replied, "Not at all."
"Like making Carlisle drive two states away just to pick me up wasn't a bother." I mumbled doubtfully, "I had to, though. I'm sorry."
"Esme has been keeping us updated." Jasper told me, "And I believe you. I wonder if Jack knows that what he attempted to do was illegal."
I looked up at him, frowning.
"Everything about what Jack does is illegal." I reminded him, sitting back down. Emmett found that funny.
"She's got you there, Jasper." Emmett pointed out, and chuckled.
"No, what I'm saying is giving you to someone else in an attempt to hide you and what he does was illegal." Jasper clarified.
"Is there anything in that about giving me to someone worse?" I wondered, mostly to myself as I looked down, "He was so mad when I ran. I've never done that before. I've never run from him, and I've never told him no."
It was quiet for a moment, so I spoke up.
"I don't know what to do." I admitted, feeling vulnerable, "I know you, but I don't. I trust you, but I don't. I'm just confused, and I don't know how to fix it." I let out a pair of sobs, looking down as he studied me.
"Leandra, do you think you still would have called us had he not tried to make you stay?" Jasper asked, and I thought about it.
"I wanted to stay with him." I mumbled, "I don't know why, but I really didn't want to be left there with Ken. I-I mean, I know why now, but I didn't then. So.." I sighed, "No, probably not."
He was quiet for a moment, glancing to Emmett and Rosalie beside him before looking back to me, "Leandra, can I be honest with you?" I nodded, looking back up, "Where do you think you would be in.. A year? Two? If you had not called, what do you think your life would turn out like?" I averted my eyes, biting my lip.
I knew exactly what he was asking, and I had the answer to that, but I really didn't want to explain that just yet. In a year or two, I probably wouldn't be the same. I just knew I'd be a whole lot worse off than I was right then.
"With the ability you have, I know you're learning how to use it." He pointed out, "Your gift, your ability is all about the future and the way it can always change. What you choose to do now can, and will affect what happens tomorrow, but you know that. There are so many ways things can change, and what you're experiencing now is due to the decision you made three days ago."
I looked back up, interested in the way he was explaining this. It made more sense this way, and someone was finally explaining it to me.
"Just the same way as the others you know are experiencing what they are, or will, because of a decision they made. It's all subjective in the way it turns out. You have the ability to know what steps will lead you here," He gestured to the left, "Or here." Now the right, "And who will be beside you here or there. Do you understand?" I nodded, "It's not up to you to control the decisions of others. That's their business, but you can control your own. You're starting to see that."
Okay, I liked him. I felt a lot better, and I sighed. Nodding. Letting him know he was right. I looked up at Esme beside me, and she smiled down at me.
"We can't give her away." Jasper finally said, looking to Esme, "Not with a gift like hers, and definitely not if she could potentially remember crucial information."
"What?" I asked, sniffling, "Like, stay here? I couldn't do that. I couldn't bother anyone that way."
"Jasper is right." Carlisle's voice surprised me. I looked back at Carlisle and Alice returning, "We have to keep her here."
I sniffled again, surprised at how easy it was to be comforted by that statement. I suddenly felt better, and it showed. Hearing him say it didn't make me as uneasy, as if what he said was law.
Hell, if it was this gift thing that kept me from having to be sent to strangers, I'd take it. I'd gladly take it.
"Do you feel better?" Alice asked me, and I sighed. Unable to lie, I nodded.
"Her gift is decision based." Alice turned, looking toward the others, "Originally, Carlisle had been planning on letting the state take her, and that's when she resisted. That was unacceptable to her, because more than likely, in her vision, she stayed here. Like you said, Jazz."
"I wish I could remember." I mumbled, sighing.
"It could just be hard for you because you're so young." Alice offered, and I pursed my lips.
"And what about Jack?" I asked again, looking up at Carlisle, "Is he going to get into trouble if I talk to Charlie?"
"Definitely." Jasper answered, and I glanced to him, "Leandra, he deserves to."
"I know he does." I replied, "But I'm afraid. Nobody knows what he can do, and nobody is listening to me. He's good at getting away with what he does."
"All you have to do," Alice spoke next, "Is be honest. Tell Charlie everything."
"Everything?" I asked quietly, looking up at her, "Nobody wants to hear that."
"The more you can tell him, the better. I promise." She replied, "Let him take it from there."
I gave a hesitant sort of whine, looking down.
"I don't even like thinking about everything." I replied, "Why would he want to know it?"
"Trust me." She said, "He'll want to know."
"The more he knows, the less likely it is he gets away with it, Leandra." Jasper explained further, and I sighed. I definitely felt the last few days.
"He'll get away with it anyway." I mumbled, "Because you don't know him like I do. Or his dad. That's part of the reason why I ran." I shrugged a little.
"I don't blame you one bit, shorty." Emmett replied, and I glanced to him.
"I'm not that short." I huffed, looking down. Though the name he gave me wasn't all that bad, and I didn't really mind it, I thought I'd point that out. It was definitely better than some of the things Jack called me.
Emmett seemed to find that amusing.
"Until you're taller than me, shorty, you're short." He chuckled, and I knew he wasn't trying to be mean. That helped. It lightened my mood significantly, and I couldn't help smiling a little.
Rosalie beside him turned, heading for the stairs.
"Excuse me." Carlisle followed her, and I glanced over, watching as he left the room.
"I don't think I'll ever be taller than you." I admitted shyly, and he grinned.
"I know." He said, "And what does that tell you?"
"That you'll always call me shorty?" I asked, unsure.
"If you insist." He replied, and I smiled a little more, shaking my head. I yawned, looking down.
"That's my cue." Esme laughed quietly behind me, "I'll make you something quick to eat, honey." She seemed only too thrilled to keep offering things. I didn't have the heart to tell her I really wasn't hungry. She'd done so much for me, the least I could do was eat whatever she made.
"So." I jumped a little as Emmett flopped down beside me, staring over at him with widened eyes, "How was California? Other than the creepy old bastard."
I had to actually bite back the laugh that threatened to leave. Emmett was making it increasingly difficult to stay afraid of him.
"Emmett." Alice wasn't very happy. Probably unhappy with his choice of words, or the fact that he brought Ken up at all, but I didn't care. He made it seem silly to stay nervous around him. I glanced up, watching as Alice crossed the room to stand beside Jasper.
"What?" He asked innocently, "Okay, okay. Other than the creepy old guy." He fixed his previous words, and the look he gave her was enough.
This time, I did laugh. Just a little bit, but it was a laugh. He grinned at me, and I couldn't help smiling in return. I wouldn't trust being alone with him, especially given how much bigger he was than me, but I was starting to not mind him so much.
"It was fine." I answered quietly, "Besides that, I mean."
"Do tell." Emmett seemed intently fascinated, and for a second, I was thrown off. This was something nobody had asked about yet. Always curious about what happened, instead of what else happened.
"I liked Heather." I offered, and he nodded.
"And she is..?"
"Oh." I said, "Heather is Jack's sister."
"The plot thickens." He commented, still listening.
"I didn't think she liked me at first." I admitted, "But I guess she was okay. I mean, it was her fault Jack met my mom, but I don't think that's actually her fault."
At Emmett's prompting, I was able to tell him about Heather and Mike, and their boys. Effectively distracting myself from everything that had gone wrong. That was much easier to talk about, and I found I was a lot less tense while talking about them than I had been since Carlisle had come to get me.
"So." Emmett said, "She said she would stand between you two, but was gone that day?"
"Yeah." I answered, "I mean, I get it. I actually forgot that she said that until just now, but I don't blame her for having to go along with Jack. Jack gets what he wants. That's what he does. It's impossible to tell him no on something he really wants."
"I'll tell him no with a fist to his face." Emmett grinned and immediately, I shook my head.
"That would probably just piss him off." I looked down, "But anyway, they weren't gone very long."
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"Well, they got back right as I was running away. Like she forgot something, or something."
"She was probably coming back to check on you." Jasper offered, and I thought about it. Maybe.
"She was so mad at Ken." I added, "I wasn't paying much attention to that part, though. Jack was telling me to get back inside, but.." I sighed, "It was like.. I couldn't. I normally listen to him. I never just.. Not do whatever he tells me. I learned a long time ago never to piss him off like that. He gets really creative, I guess, when he's angry."
"Creative?" Emmett prompted.
"Well, like.." I thought for an example, "Like when he told me to make you guys forget about me. He told me that if anyone kept noticing me, he'd put me back in the box, and he did for a day."
"What box?" Jasper asked this time.
"Alice saw it." I said, "That shed looking thing in the back yard? Where I got the shovel from?" She sighed, nodding, and I looked back to Jasper, "It's this little shed thing in the back yard. It's really small, but smaller on the inside. I was in there for three days once when I was seven.
"I really didn't want to go back in there, but I didn't want to make you all forget about me either. When I got back to him that morning a few days ago, he put me in there until we left that night." I looked down, "I hate that thing so much."
"That's why you insisted that day." Jasper murmured, understanding now, "That's why you refused to admit it." Silently, I nodded, "Edward mentioned you had good reason, but he never mentioned what that reason was."
"How would Edward know?" I found myself asking, frowning. Alice patted his arm around her, and they looked to each other for a few seconds.
"Excuse us for a moment." Jasper murmured, heading for the kitchen. Alice followed, and I watched as they left.
"Okay." I agreed quietly, confused. I noticed that it was just Emmett and I sitting there now. How was it possible that even with all the people living here, a room could be empty?
"Umm.." I mumbled now, looking toward the kitchen. I wanted to go find Esme, but I didn't want to be rude, and follow Jasper when he wanted to talk to Alice.
"You're nervous." Emmett pointed out from where he sat.
"A little." I replied, still watching toward the kitchen.
"You'd have a better chance of being mauled by a bear than of me bothering you." He said, and I looked to him, "Trust me. I might pick on you a little bit, but I'm harmless, shorty. I promise." It confused me how he used that example. I really did pick up on the little things.
"A bear?" I asked, and he smiled.
"Yup." He said, "A bear. A big ol' mean bear."
"How do I know you're not the bear?" I asked, and he was quiet for a moment, studying me a bit with a surprised expression. Suddenly smiling wider, he chuckled, shaking his head, "What? You're as big as one."
"This is fun." I was a little lost at how funny that seemed to him. It was a simple question. Why would that entertain him so much?
Thankfully, Esme called for me a few moments later, and I jumped up. Emmett stayed behind, continuing to laugh to himself.
"I think I broke Emmett." I muttered worriedly as I stepped into the kitchen with Esme. Eying the plate she placed on the counter.
"He's always been broken." Alice laughed a little. Jasper seemed fine now, which was relieving.
"Are you guys going to eat too?" I asked, hoping they'd at least keep me company.
"We had a big lunch." Alice answered, "You go ahead."
"I'll go fix Emmett." Jasper offered, stepping away from Alice, and heading back toward the living room. I frowned a little, sighing. Looking up at Esme, she smiled at me.
"What about you?" I asked, "You haven't eaten all day. Aren't you hungry?" She laughed a little.
"Oh, honey." She sighed, setting the plate in front of me as I took a seat at the counter. I liked sitting here.
"What?" I asked. Why did everyone think the things I asked were funny? I sighed, but didn't press it.
I yawned several times while sitting there. Despite having snoozed in the car all the way back here, I was more tired than anything. It probably had more to do with the emotional few days I'd had.
"Once you're finished," Esme said, "I'll show you your room." I would have a room? That was difficult to understand.
"I could just stay on the couch." I offered, "Like before."
"We have the room." Esme assured me, "It's not a problem, sweetie. I'd prefer you to be comfortable."
"It's the least you deserve." Alice murmured.
Alice followed us from the kitchen, and up the hall, and I couldn't help noticing the way she watched me.
I wanted so badly to understand. I wanted to remember, but I really couldn't. The answer further from my mind as I stood there in the doorway, looking over all I saw in the room that was meant to be mine.
It was unmistakable. I'd been here. I knew this room.
"Is this the right room?" Alice asked, watching my expression. I nodded slowly and she smiled.
"I thought so." She added, looking to Esme, "This was hers. It had to be."
"I wish I could remember it." I whimpered, "This is so weird."
"I know." Alice murmured, "You'll get it."
I sighed, frowning a little as I looked around my room. I knew she was right, that I would get it. I just didn't know when.
They allowed me a moment to look around the bedroom. A soft night light stood on the long dresser against the far wall, and I smiled a little at it. Curiously, I pulled open the door beside me. It was a closet, given all the clothes hanging on the bar inside.
"Those are yours." Esme told me, and I couldn't help being surprised.
"All of it?" I asked, looking up at the clothing. At least seven or eight pairs of shoes sat in a neat line on the floor of the closet. Three pairs of tennis shoes, others different.
"Sure is, honey." She smiled a little, "There's more in the dresser."
"There's more?" I couldn't stop asking questions, or hide my shock, "I've never had this many clothes."
"I heard." She replied sadly, watching me as I slowly pulled open one of the eight drawers to find it full of jeans. Different color denim, all without a hint of a hole in them. I closed the drawer quietly, opening another. Peering in curiously. I couldn't tell what this drawer was, so looking harder, I pawed through the fabric. Pajamas. Pajama shirts, matching sets, shorts. All kinds of clothing sat in there.
Looking around the room again, the window on the far right wall was open a little, allowing a comforting breeze into the room, fluttering the curtain over the window. Not a single hole in any of the walls, or stain on the flawless carpet.
Even the bed was something out of a magazine.
Instead of the cold metal bars that made up my headboard at home, this one was a soft wood color. Four poster, but not overwhelming. Matching footboard, with a soft aqua blue colored sheet and comforter set.
Touching the soft bed with my hand was a feeling I hadn't anticipated. It wasn't like the hotel rooms, or laying in Jack's bed, but this was mine. For as long as I was here, anyway. Somehow that made it even more comfortable.
Sitting down, it was almost painful how comfortable this was.
"This can't be real." I whimpered. I couldn't believe it.
"Alice decorated." Esme explained, "I didn't mind it. She also did most of the clothes shopping for you."
"I estimated your size." Alice admitted sheepishly, "Comparing the size of my coat on you, so I hope everything fits okay." That would explain the pajamas and clothes I'd already been given.
"You knew I'd be here before I even called." I understood. She just smiled gently, answering wordlessly at first.
"I knew," She finally murmured, "The second you met Ken. I knew it was coming." I looked down.
I sat there for a good while after Esme and Alice left. Just trying to adjust. This was so weird to me. The light was off, but the night-light kept me from worrying. Probably a last minute addition, but I appreciated it all the same. It illuminated the room just enough. It was perfect.
I wished so much I could explain this, but there was no explanation. Each one I thought of didn't explain it. Maybe this room reminded me of my room at home? Not even close. This room was nothing like the one I lived in at home.
The furniture was nice, not falling apart. It all matched, and the bed was soft. And big. There were real curtains over the window, instead of a plain bed sheet. It looked and felt like a real bedroom, instead of just some place to suffer. That was the difference.
Maybe I'd just seen a room like this before? Nope. Never. It was more than recognizing the way it looked. It was more than that. I felt like I'd been here. With how familiar this house, and these people were, I had to think.
They had to be the reason I woke up that morning hating the fact that I had. They had to be the reason I remembered this place, and the reason I felt so safe. There was no other explanation. It would take some getting used to, but I had to accept that.
I wasn't alone anymore.
I liked the idea that if I needed to, I could find everyone just up the hall, or upstairs during the night. It comforted me, knowing someone could be there when I needed them. Not passed out drunk, or only there to hurt me.
Jasper was right, though.
I didn't trust my own trust. If I learned to trust my own trust, it would be easier on me, I knew. I would try, because they deserved it. Maybe here, I would learn about my supposed gift. It'd proven itself, I guess, but it was hard to believe. I doubted that Alice would let me stay skeptical very long. With her having the same gift as I had.
There was so many confusing things about this. Things I had to get used to, but it was more than that as well. There was more to these people than I knew, but I couldn't figure it out.
I fell asleep early that night. Even in a brand new bed, I didn't wake up once. Even if I knew I should. I definitely wasn't used to having all this room. My bed at home was a twin sized bed. Hardly any room, but somehow, two people managed to fit in it at a time.
I refused to think about that as I woke up. Laying in bed, I chose to wake up slowly.
I was nervous today, but I knew that had more to do with the visit from Charlie later. I really didn't want to do this. I was scared, and I just knew talking to him would be a big mistake, but they had to call him.
I knew enough to know that not calling him was a big mistake. Kidnapping and all that stuff. Like before. How would I go about telling him that I wanted to be kidnapped?
Esme slowly opened the door, and I looked to her from where I still lay. She gave me a smile, and I looked back down.
"I can't." I mumbled, "I can't talk to Charlie."
"Yes you can, honey." She walked in, sitting beside me on the bed, "I know you can. Carlisle will be there with you."
"Is he here now?" I asked quietly, and she nodded.
"The only one we're waiting on is you." She told me, and I bit my lip, "Sweetheart, he knows how hard this is on you. He knows you're scared. He knows enough to understand that much, but he needs you to tell him everything."
"What if I mess up?" I asked, "Or.. I don't know.. Forget something or something?"
"You won't." She assured me.
She managed to get me out of bed, and walked me from the room.
I was afraid. Despite knowing how I didn't have to be, I was afraid of Charlie. The Police Chief that looked my way from the living room. I didn't know why I didn't have to be, but the moment I walked in, and he looked at me, I was at war with myself.
Just as with the two cops I'd seen that day, I tensed at just the sight of him seeing me. I hated cops so much.
"I thought you said she was nine years old." He said, surprised as he looked to Carlisle. He was expecting a bigger kid, obviously.
"She is." Carlisle nodded, and Charlie looked back to me. I was momentarily distracted by a rather large yawn. Even with getting as much sleep as I had the night before, I was still tired. I really didn't want to do this, and that probably had everything to do with how tired I was. I hesitated as Esme tried to start forward.
Nobody was listening to me.
"You're alright, Leandra." Charlie told me, and that didn't help any. I knew he knew what he was here for, and no doubt, he was only here to make my life harder than it needed to be.
Despite that, however, I let Esme lead me closer. She led me to Carlisle's side, and as much as that comforted me, I couldn't keep holding her hand. She was obviously not allowed to stay. Probably to minimize distractions, but I wasn't sure. I was just convinced Charlie wanted to be cruel.
I sat quickly on the couch, curling into a ball. As far from him as I could possibly get.
Charlie sat in the chair adjacent to the couch, and immediately started on how Carlisle should have gone to him first. How he should have contacted the police there, instead of contacting the police here and taking his time bringing me back.
"I didn't do anything wrong." Were my first words to him. I could only hold his gaze for a moment, "Neither did Carlisle." He sighed, lowering his brown eyes to the packet of paper in front of him.
"The law says-"
"Fuck the law." I interrupted him and he looked back up, shocked, "There are two kinds of people that break the law. The people who break the law to help someone else, and the people who break the law to hurt someone else. I would rather be with the first types of people, because I've seen what the second type of person can do to someone like me. So instead of getting mad at Carlisle for helping me, get mad at Jack for hurting me."
He was quiet for a second.
"I'm sorry." I finally said, "I didn't mean it."
"You're okay, Leandra." He assured me, "Just relax. I'm not here to get anyone in trouble that doesn't need to be, okay?" He was quiet, watching me as I watched my hands on my knees, "Just relax." Like that was possible.
Carlisle slowly moved, sitting down in the other chair, the one closest to me. For a brief moment, I half wondered why Carlisle was allowed to be here and Esme wasn't, but I figured I didn't care much about that.
"Carlisle's not in trouble." I muttered, giving Charlie a light glare.
"He's not." Charlie shook his head, "I was only mentioning it."
"Good." I looked back down, "I wouldn't have talked to the cops there anyway. You're lucky I'm talking to you."
"Thank you for that." Charlie replied, and I shrugged, "I was told you had a certain.. Distrust for the police?" How could I not? I replied only with a glance his way, which I could see told him he was right.
"Can you tell me why that is?" Truthfully, this was already the most I'd ever had to talk to a cop. He seemed like a friendly, nice enough person. I was harder to convince than that, though. I shook my head a little, answering him.
Instead, I focused on a faded, rounded scar on the side of my wrist. Choosing to make that more interesting than anything Charlie had to say.
"Well, that's okay." Charlie assured me. I glanced back up as he looked to Carlisle, "Are you sure she wouldn't be more comfortable talking to a woman?"
"That wouldn't matter." I grumbled, "You're all the same."
"I see." Charlie nodded a little at my answer, "That's okay, too. I'm told I'm more likable than them anyway." I caught a small, amused smile before I could let it slip too much. I was funny. I chose to look away instead. I didn't want to like him.
"Leandra," He spoke up again, "I'll be honest. I know you know what I'm here to talk to you about."
"I know." I murmured, shrugging a little like it didn't matter to me, but it really did, "And I know that I have to tell you. Right?"
"Well, it would be highly preferable." He replied, "Without you telling me about it, I can't do much to help you out."
"Is there any way to tell you without getting him into trouble?" I asked after a moment.
"Why wouldn't you want to get him into trouble?" Charlie asked quietly.
"Because." I mumbled, but he waited, "Because I don't trust you to keep me alive."
I glanced up, and could clearly see that he had no idea before just how bad it'd been. Alice told me I had to tell Charlie everything. Everything was a lot.
"You don't need to worry about that." Charlie finally replied, "We'll find him, and we'll hold him for as long as we can." I blinked in surprise.
"You mean you don't have him yet?" That was news to me.
"Well, no." He said, "We had to wait until today."
"You're not going to find him." My tone was matter-of-fact, and I knew it had every reason to be that way. I shook my head.
"Yes, we will-"
"No." I said, looking up, "You won't. He's had a head start. You gave him a chance to get away, and he knows you'll be looking for him."
"How would he know?" Charlie asked, curious.
"I told him." I admitted quietly, "I told him that if he tried to leave me there, I would tell everyone everything." I sighed, "I was trying to threaten him, but it didn't work. You can bet, though, that he's long gone. He was probably long gone the second he figured out he wouldn't find me and shut me up."
He didn't seem too worried, but with the new crease in his brow, I knew that news concerned him at least a little.
"We'll just handle this today." He finally said, "Is that alright? It's just a few questions." Hesitantly, I nodded. Taking a breath.
The first few questions were easy. My full name, birthday, where I lived, and things like that. I answered those easily. I had a sneaking suspicion, though, that those questions were first just to make me think the rest of the questions wouldn't be so bad.
However, the next few questions were very, very difficult to answer. I wouldn't make myself answer those ones. Jack's name, I could give him. I could give him Jack's birthday, but didn't quite remember the year.
Then came the question I expected. What did Jack do to me?
The next hour, we were getting nowhere. Quickly. I either stayed silent through his repeated questions, or I skirted around them. I didn't know how to be honest with someone I didn't trust.
There was no way I was spilling anything to Charlie, but just like the night I was essentially interrogated by Alice, the pressure was hard on me too. I knew he was wasting his time. I had to wonder, though, when Charlie would understand that too.
At the end of the hour, I looked up as Esme stepped into the room, clearly feeling how tired I was. I didn't like this. Not in the least, but I appreciated her coming to check on me.
"How is she doing?" She asked, and Charlie sighed.
"Not very well." He replied, "We've gotten nowhere."
"Might I suggest something?" Carlisle asked, glancing to me. I closed my eyes, resting my forehead on my drawn up knees. I was so tired. I didn't want this stranger knowing everything. Gently, Esme sat down beside me. Charlie must have agreed to let her stay.
"Leandra." I looked up tiredly at Carlisle's calm voice, "Can you talk to me?" I nodded, sitting up straighter with a wince, "Can you tell me everything?"
I closed my eyes for a yawn.
"I just want to know all you can tell me about him." Carlisle explained quietly, "Everything you can think of." I was quiet for a second, "Remember how much you told me before?" I nodded a little, "I need more than that. Let's just go over that again, okay? But give me specific details."
"My mom met Jack six years ago." I started, and he nodded, letting me know that's what he meant, "About. I don't remember exactly how long ago, but I know he's hit me since I've known him. Jack's always hated me. He'd always tell me that he had to. He'd always say how much I deserved it, because I just kept fucking up. After awhile, it was just easier to believe him than to keep wondering what I did."
"Go on." Carlisle urged when I went silent. He slowly sat up straighter, and I knew both he and Charlie were listening to my every word. I glanced to Charlie, but he didn't say anything. I chose to look at Carlisle instead. He was the one I was talking to. Not Charlie.
"They always say that grown-ups shouldn't hit kids." I mumbled, "So I knew that wasn't the way it was supposed to be. What they don't tell you, is how someone like me is supposed to stop it. Not when I'm so small, and not when there's nothing anyone can do."
I paused, knowing he wouldn't urge me again.
"I'm not stupid." I murmured, "I don't care how many times Jack's told me that I am. This isn't easy for me, and even though he says so, I'm not forgetting what he told me would happen if I told. I'm not supposed to be talking about it, and I know I shouldn't be saying anything."
"What did he tell you would happen, Leandra?" Charlie asked this time, and I glanced to him. No matter how much I wished, I couldn't pretend he wasn't here. He seemed particularly interested in that answer, so I sighed.
Here went nothing. It'd be easier to explain what I meant than giving a straight answer.
I took a breath, "He caught a rabbit one day. Out in the woods, when I was like four. I remember it, because he let me pet it." I kept my eyes down, "He let me hold it, and I remember how soft its fur was, and I remember how scared it was. I couldn't blame it, because I always felt the same way when Jack caught me."
They waited, listening.
"He told me that to prove his point, to show me what would happen if I ever told because I was so stupid, the rabbit had to die. I didn't really know what that meant back then, but I just knew it was nothing good." I paused for a breath, "Nothing he ever said meant something good. I told him no, that he didn't have to do that. I didn't want the rabbit to die because I was so stupid. He could show me another way."
The room was silent now, and I didn't dare look at either of them.
"I tried to tell him that he didn't need to do that," I went on, "But he told me it had to happen. That if I was just a little smarter, and wasn't as stupid as I was, he wouldn't have to." I hesitated, "So he killed it. Right there. He made me keep holding it while he took a knife, and he stabbed it in the side of its neck."
No one said a word, listening to me as I paused. The silence seemed longer than it was. Probably due to how busy my mind was.
"He made me watch it. He made me watch it die. He made me hold it while it died, so I could see up close what happened." I took another breath, realizing my voice had gone quiet, "He told me how he'd do the same thing to me if I ever told anyone. He described it. How at any time, I could be that rabbit. Telling me how I should thank him. Every second I kept breathing was another second I should be grateful. I remember that rabbit every day, even without him reminding me."
I was quieter now. For a little longer.
"So." I sighed almost silently, "That's why I never said anything. That's why I lied to Carlisle at first. I was scared."
"And for.." Charlie spoke quieter now, "Very good reason, I'd say." He stopped himself from saying anything more, shaking his head and writing on his stack of papers.
While sitting there, gathering my thoughts, I looked up at Carlisle. If I wasn't sure before, I suddenly was now. There was something about him that made him different than anyone else. Carlisle was different. I couldn't remember what exactly it was, but I couldn't deny that I really, really wanted to. I wanted to remember why he was different.
Vaguely I noticed Charlie look back up. Carlisle gave me a nod, and that was all I needed.
"He hits me." I finally spoke up again, "He beats me. Almost every day, for some reason he makes up. He'll tell me to do something, and when I get done doing it, he'll tell me he told me to do the opposite. He makes up reasons." I glanced over when he moved. He was writing on the third page of that packet of papers he held.
"When you say he beats you..?" Charlie prompted quietly, looking back up. I stood up, and without missing a beat, lifted my shirt over my back. I stayed standing for a several moments, letting him view my entire back. I let my shirt drop, and sat back down.
"He beats you." He understood now, given his tighter tone. Writing that down.
"It was worse before." I mumbled, "I'm always bruised. I almost never see my skin without something wrong with it. He uses stuff, like belts and stuff to hit me with because he found out a long time ago that he can do too much damage with his hands. I'm just too small."
I paused, glancing up to see Charlie's horrified gaze.
"What all does he use, Leandra?" Charlie asked quietly. His tone was soft and calm, even if his expression gave his emotions away.
"Belts, ropes, boards." I shrugged a little, "Whatever he can find." I knew he needed more, so I sighed, thinking harder, "Rocks, and stuff like that, but he prefers his belt. I think because it makes a certain sound and it echoes when it hits me."
I was quiet for a second.
"Um.." I hesitated, "He yells, but that's not really bad, is it?" I looked to Charlie, "The things he yells at me, though, are easy to remember. Especially when he's really mad, because he really means the things he yells at me."
He stayed quiet, and I watched him write that down as well.
"He doesn't feed me, unless it's to get me to do what he wants." I mumbled, "That's probably why I'm so small. He feeds me whenever he wants to. Keeps food from the house, so I don't cheat."
"How long does he starve you for?"
"It depends." I replied, "Most of the time, he won't go longer than three days before he brings me something. Five days if he's irritated at me, and longer if I keep pissing him off. I get what I can from school, but that's not enough sometimes." He nodded again, writing that down, "I've been eating more lately, though." Why did I want to throw that in there?
He looked to me again as he paused his writing. He knew there was more.
I sniffled, hesitating, "He, um.. He locks me in my room. Days at a time. Or he locks me outside. He chains me up outside sometimes, but he hasn't done that for awhile, though." I paused for a heavy sigh, my hands curled up in front of me, between my folded up knees and my stomach, "There's so much he does."
"He chains you up outside?"
"S-Sometimes." I nodded a little, "But he-"
"How?" Charlie asked.
"Well, he wraps one end of a chain around a tree in the backyard, and locks it there. He locks the other end around my neck, and goes back inside." I muttered, "That's how."
"And he just leaves you there?" His tone was still even.
"Once for a couple of hours." I nodded, "I don't remember how old I was then. A couple years ago, it was all night." I looked down, giving a short, humorless laugh.
"How old were you?"
"The last time he did that?" I asked and he nodded, "Five or six. I know it was awhile ago. I'd tried to run away, so he wanted to make sure I'd stay while he worked that night. That was before we had the box, so he couldn't just toss me in that."
"Box?"
"A small tool shed." I clarified, "In the backyard. He locks me in that when I piss him off enough."
He took a deep breath, and began writing again. I gave an apologetic look to Carlisle. I felt bad about revealing all I had so far. He didn't really understand before what I was so afraid of. Sure, I'd told him basics, but this was going beyond that.
I sat there for a few minutes this time, waiting for Charlie to get done writing whatever he was writing. We all sat silently again, and just for something to do, I looked up at Esme beside me. She offered a supportive smile and a small nod. I appreciated that.
"Okay." Charlie sighed, "Continue when you're ready."
How'd he know there was more I hadn't said? I looked back down, my fingers finding the string to the sleeve of my pajama top. Was I going to keep stalling? Probably. Everything else was fine to talk about, but I couldn't talk about this one thing.
"Just the major things, Leandra." Charlie urged, and I shut up for a moment, "That's all I'm looking for specifically right now."
"A-And, uh.." I could barely make my voice work. Charlie waited, and I knew he wouldn't rush me. I had to say it, "Uh.. He.."
This was harder than I thought it'd be. Every time I'd try to speak, to say a word, it'd get stuck, and I'd give up for a second. I'd give up, but then I'd remember that I couldn't give up, and that I had to tell him.
The truth was, what Jack did to me at night was so much worse than beating me. It hurt me, and it hurt me in a different way than the beatings did. I didn't know how it was possible, but by doing what he did, he could hurt me both physically and emotionally. Both at once, and by managing to hurt me both of those ways at once, it hurt me mentally as well. Beating me was only physical, but this. This was so much worse.
By admitting what he did to me, I would be admitting how ashamed I was. By admitting what he did, I just knew Charlie would turn around and blame me. Or laugh. Even if he hadn't done so yet.
The longer I stayed quiet, the more pressure I felt, and eventually, it was too hard. I started to cry. I couldn't do it. I couldn't admit to Charlie what else he did, because by doing that, I'd be admitting my own guilt for not stopping it. I'd be admitting how weak I was, how stupid I was. I couldn't do that.
"You have what you need, right?" I sobbed, looking over at Charlie, "That's it."
"Leandra, he needs to know everything." Carlisle told me, and I looked to him, biting my lip, "Just tell him what you told me."
"I can't." I mumbled, shaking my head, "I can't say it."
"Take your time." Charlie assured me, and I looked to him again, "Nobody's rushing you, honey. If you need a break, take one. I've got all afternoon. All night, if it takes that long."
I sniffled, nodding. I appreciated his patience. More than he knew. I took a breath, letting back out in a sob.
"Charlie, a moment?" Carlisle stood, and I watched after him as he led Charlie from the room. I sobbed there on the couch for just a few seconds.
"Can I have some water?" I asked quietly, looking up at Esme still beside me. Immediately, she stood up.
"Of course." She replied, "I'll be right back."
I watched her leave, before looking around me. Nobody else was in the room, so I saw my opening. As much as water did appeal to me, I couldn't resist this opening.
I stood up with a deep sniffle, heading quickly for the side door. I slipped out, closing the door quietly behind myself. Jumping off the last two steps, I landed on the gravel and headed straight for the trees. As much as landing did hurt my sock-covered feet, I didn't let that slow me down.
"Running away?" Jasper's call from the front of the house had me jump, stopping and spinning to look his direction. He was here? I hadn't been expecting to see him. I waited, unsure how to respond. Would he be mad? He sighed, stepping off the porch to head my direction.
I didn't say anything, waiting for him to tell me how much trouble I was in.
"You shouldn't run, Leandra." He told me once he reached my side, "I know how scared you are, but the longer you put this off, the harder it'll be on you." I took a shaky, emotional breath, "I know."
"No, you don't." I mumbled, looking down. To my surprise, he laughed. I looked back up, confused now. How was that funny?
"You keep underestimating us." He pointed out. He didn't argue with me, though. He sighed, looking around, "I suppose there's no point in trying to force you to tell him everything, but let me tell you this. The more you tell Charlie, the less chance you have of seeing Jack again."
"Or I could just run away." I added quietly, "I'll figure out how to live on my own."
"No, you won't." He replied calmly, "You don't want to do that."
"How am I supposed to tell him?" I asked, looking up at him, "I don't even get it myself. He'll blame me."
He answered, "The same way you told Carlisle. Charlie isn't here to blame you, Leandra. He's here to help you. Just the same way that we are." His voice was so calm, quiet in the way he told me these things. It was odd. As if his confidence was giving me a bit of confidence. That didn't ease my fear any, though.
"But I don't know that." I countered quietly, "I don't know him."
"You don't know us." He reminded me.
"I do." I corrected, "B-But.." I whined, turning to pace. I didn't know how to explain it.
"You're doubting yourself." He pointed out, "Don't."
"How can I not?" I asked, "I don't want someone like him knowing everything."
"Someone like him?" Jasper asked, frowning a little. I was afraid for a moment, remembering when I'd let that same phrase slip to Jack. For a moment, I feared I'd made him mad, but after a moment of only studying me, he didn't seem angry.
A tense, quiet moment passed as I glanced up at him. Until understanding came to his eyes, "You don't trust him because he's male."
I looked down, sliding my hands into my pockets to keep them warm. Shivering in both the chilly afternoon and the intimidation I felt from Charlie inside.
Jasper wasn't wrong, so I wouldn't tell him he was.
I didn't like him, but I knew he wasn't bad. That was a very confusing feeling. I didn't like Charlie because he wanted me to tell him things. Things I never told anyone. Not completely, and it went against everything I'd ever learned to tell him now. I'd never even really had the chance to talk to Jack about it, always fearing his reaction whenever I'd bring it up. How could I tell anyone else?
"I can see this will be a problem." Jasper finally said when I did nothing to deny it, "Leandra, not everyone is out to hurt you."
"I know that." I mumbled, glancing up, "I know you won't. I know Emmett won't. I know the others won't, but I don't know Charlie won't."
"Think about it this way." He suggested, "Do you think Carlisle would let him hurt you?" He had a strong point there. He knew it immediately.
"No." I finally replied, shaking my head, "He wouldn't." I bit my lip.
"Do you think I would let him hurt you?" He asked, and again, I immediately shook my head.
"But I'm still afraid." I muttered, "It's not just that. He's going to blame me for what Jack did, and I don't want that. No matter how hard I try, it won't come out right. There's no right way to say it."
"All you have to do, is tell the truth." He replied, "Don't worry about whether or not Charlie is going to believe you, or blame you. It's not his job to blame you. All he's asking for is the truth. That's all."
I glanced over at the porch, spotting Carlisle and Charlie standing there. Watching us just feet away. Both able to hear us talking. They'd found us. I briefly wondered how much he'd already heard.
I whimpered, looking up at Jasper again.
"I can't." My tears stung my eyes once more, and I knew he saw it, given the way his expression softened ever-so-slightly.
"Why?" He asked patiently, "Why can't you? If you know he's not going to blame you, and if you know you won't be the one in trouble for this, why can't you just tell him everything?"
"Because it'll make it real." I answered shakily, "Whenever it happened, I did everything I could to pretend it was just a bad dream. I did everything I could to just forget everything he made me do. Telling Charlie would just ruin all that."
"What all did he do?" Jasper asked and I gasped a sob. No longer hesitant with him.
"E-Everything." I mumbled incredulously, "At night, he comes in, and.. A-And.." I couldn't say it. Each time I tried, my throat would close. I wanted to be honest, but I couldn't say it. I was really trying. I felt so stupid, standing there trembling roughly. I wasn't hesitant, but it wouldn't come out.
"I can't give suggestions, Leandra." Jasper muttered, "You have to say it. This is one more thing you have to be straightforward with. What do you mean by everything?" I started to catch on. Just like what Carlisle tried to do. It was easier answering him than it would have been to answer Charlie, so I went along with it.
"Everything." I repeated.
"I think I can imagine." Charlie offered from the porch, "I think I can let it slide." I looked to him, grateful, "Would I be right in assuming the worst, Leandra?"
"Yeah." I gasped, struggling back tears, "You'd be right." He shook his head, writing once more on the page. His writing seemed more tense now. Even from where I stood.
"I-It was like.." I continued, looking back to Jasper, "Like he didn't like seeing me, because it was always in the dark. Always when I couldn't see. Always in my room. Always at night. Always in the dark, but I said that already." I paused again, but this time, only to take a breath because my voice started to get too quiet. I knew Charlie had to hear this too.
"He always made me do stuff to him, or just lay still for him." I added, "If I fought, he hit me until I stopped fighting, so I couldn't just not do it. I didn't want to, but.." I sniffled, looking down, "I had to."
"When did it first start?" Jasper asked, his voice quieter. Less firm.
"Officially?" I sniffled, "About three years ago. That's when.. It happened for the first time."
"You were six?" He asked with a breath in, and I nodded.
There was a silence in the yard that squeezed me, made it harder to breathe. I vaguely saw Jasper glance to the porch, but I didn't look up. With the breeze, though, came a sort of comfort. It brought fresh air, rustling the trees across the yard. It made it easier to breathe, to calm down. I took a deep breath, sighing it out.
"Unofficially?" Jasper asked, quieter now.
"Since I met him." I mumbled in reply without missing a beat this time, "It used to be just him getting me use to it, I guess. I didn't know what that was, or what he was doing. It had never really hurt before, just bugged me. Until three years ago. It used to hurt all the time at first, but now I guess I'm used to it. When he's careful, anyway."
He was quiet now, and I didn't interrupt that. I took another breath, calming down even further. There was one thing I had to stress.
"I didn't want to." I mumbled, "I didn't mean to."
"Nobody is blaming you." Jasper assured me, "Nobody." I sniffled, and I nodded. I knew he wasn't lying to me, given the way Charlie looked at me. His gaze wasn't angry, or sickened. Not at me.
Charlie cleared his throat, and looked to Carlisle. Nodding as he turned to go back inside. Bringing his papers with him. I watched after them, reaching up and clearing my hair from my face. I hoped he wouldn't ask me to be any more specific than that. I hoped I wouldn't have to repeat anything I'd just said. Not ever.
I looked up at Jasper, noticing how he looked back down at me. His expression torn into sadness and anger. I wasn't scared, though. I found I trusted Jasper as much as I trusted Carlisle.
I was worn out, though. Like the pressure to explain my side had squeezed me too tightly, and now that a lot of the pressure was off and I could breathe again, I really felt it. I wanted to stay nervous, but I couldn't anymore.
"Did I really just do that?" I had to ask, "I really just told?"
"You did." He confirmed with a nod, "How do you feel?"
"I don't know." I admitted, "Like throwing up and crying at the same time." I wondered if that would tell him anything.
"You did the right thing." He told me, and I gasped a small sob, "Trust me. It was the right thing."
"Then why's it feel wrong?"
"Because what he did was never supposed to happen." He answered easily, "It never should have come to this. All you did just now was right his wrong, and he'll pay for his actions."
"No he won't." I mumbled, "I'll pay for them. I always do, but that's my fault."
"How on Earth is it your fault?"
"It just is." I frowned a little, looking back up at him, "It's just how it's always been. He does what he does, because he can and he knows he can get away with it." I sighed, shaking my head, "I know telling today was a big mistake, but I can't take it back now. Charlie already knows."
"It wasn't a mistake." Jasper replied, "It wasn't. You'll see. After this, it'll get easier."
"Am I really going to stay here?" I asked quietly, and he nodded. I sighed again, "That's hard to believe."
"Why is that?" He asked.
"Because." I shrugged, "That might bother you." He didn't reply at first.
"Why would it bother me?" He finally asked, curious.
"I don't know." I mumbled, "Just a feeling I get."
I glanced upwards, looking at the clouds as they started spitting rain, only gaining a drop on the end of my nose. I sighed, looking back at the house briefly. Honestly, I didn't know how to feel. Letting that secret out, especially to that stranger, wanted to bother me, but all it did was make my stomach hurt. I knew it would probably fully hit me in a little while, but for right then, I stood there numbly.
"I don't want to go back in there."
"You've done so well so far, Leandra." Jasper replied, and I looked to him, "Nobody's expecting too much from you."
"It doesn't feel that way to me." I murmured.
"You're almost done with him." He assured me, "Charlie just has a few more questions, and he'll leave you alone. Then comes the next step."
"Will you come too?" I asked curiously, and he seemed to debate for a moment.
"Sure." He finally said, "Come on." I hesitated just a second, but turned with him, heading back for the house.
"What comes next?" I had to ask, "After Charlie is done asking me things?"
"Your day isn't quite over with, Leandra." Jasper told me, opening the door for me. I waited for him to explain as I stepped inside passed him, "Next, comes the examination."
"What's that?" I had to ask, nervous again.
"That's where you're looked over." He answered, "To make sure you're okay, and to take evidence."
"I don't have any evidence." I replied instantly, "Can I just skip that part?"
"It won't hurt." He assured me, "It would make everyone feel a lot better, and certainly make your case against Jack much stronger. You want it stronger, don't you?"
"I guess so." I admitted, biting my lip.
"A stronger case is a good thing, Leandra." He told me, and I sighed.
"It won't hurt?" I asked quietly, and he shook his head. It was too easy to believe Jasper. Impossible not to.
"It won't." He replied confidently, and I nodded, sighing again.
"Leandra." Charlie spoke once he spotted me inside, "I just have a few more things to ask you." I slowly sat, my eyes on him, "Can you tell me anything about your father? Your mother?"
"My mom left, about a week ago." I answered quietly, bitterly, "I doubt she wants to come back. I wouldn't."
"Do you know where she might be?" He asked, "Her name?"
I shifted uncomfortably on the couch, "Do I have to answer you?" He seemed confused, "I don't want her to know I'm okay. I want her to suffer."
"Leandra." Carlisle murmured in quiet correction. I looked down.
"Why should she get the peace-of-mind of knowing I'm alright, when she left me in the first place?" I asked in return, "She could have taken me with her. I hope she thinks I'm dead."
"What about your father?" Charlie prompted, and I shook my head.
"He left me too." I replied, "When I was little. He didn't want me either."
"Leandra-"
"Fuck him." I murmured bitterly, "I hate him."
I was being uncooperative. I was tired, and hurting, and thankfully, Charlie seemed to understand that. He sighed, nodding as he closed the folder in front of him. It wouldn't be that hard for him to figure it out on his own.
"If you find him, hit him for me." I requested, keeping my eyes down.
"Alright, Leandra." Charlie told me with a sigh, "That's it, I suppose." I had a permanent pout on my face, and I hated everything at that moment. If Charlie tried making me live with either of those people, I'd just run away.
"I'll meet you at the hospital." Charlie sighed, standing, "I'd prefer taking in the evidence at once." Carlisle nodded, standing as well.
I laid to the side, tiredly rubbing my eyes and sighing. This was too hard.
"Leandra." Carlisle prompted after a moment, and I glanced up at him, "Come on." He gestured that I get up, but I didn't. Instead I just closed my eyes, turning my face into the couch.
My uncooperative mood tripled three fold, somehow knowing I really didn't want to go through this. Yet again, I started to cry. I was so tired. Still in so much pain. It was all I could do to keep my sobs silent, and just sniffle quietly.
"Leandra?" I looked over at Carlisle's voice now beside the couch, meeting his eyes as he now kneeled, "Can you listen for a moment?" His expression and tone was kind, not annoyed in the slightest like I worried. He was patient, which was new to me.
I had a feeling that no matter how many times I was shown differently or how often I reminded myself, it would take a really long time to figure out that Carlisle wouldn't hit me. Maybe he was right. I was reluctant to trust.
Had I acted like this around Jack, I'd be hauled up off the couch so fast. Had I acted like this around Jack, especially where there was no one to see, he'd slap me around. Yell at me, curse at me. Toss my ass into my room. I normally knew never to act this way, but I couldn't help it this time.
Despite the fact that I knew Carlisle wasn't mad at me, I couldn't help feeling a little nervous. He had to see it, just looking at me and returning my gaze, how scared I was. Not just at how I couldn't help acting this way, but over everything. Everything I'd already said that day, and everything I had a feeling I had yet to go through. I was scared.
"Please, listen." He repeated, and I nodded silently.
"I understand how hard this is on you." He told me, "We all do. Nobody's forgetting that. All we're asking is for you to just be brave for just a little while longer. I know how scared you are. Believe me, I can see it." So he could see it. I couldn't imagine that it would be hard to see.
"The last thing I'd ever want to do is make that worse." He continued gently, "I promise you. There is nowhere safer for you than here, or with me."
"Just a little longer, Leandra." Jasper added from the side.
"Can you do that? Be brave for only a little while longer? I'll be there with you the whole time." That's right. He was a doctor, so he could be there with me. I'd forgotten about that part. I knew enough to know that no one else could be there, so he was my only option.
"I can try." I finally mumbled.
"That's all I'm asking of you, Leandra." He replied. I took a few more seconds to steel my nerves before I forced myself up.
I got dressed, and I had to leave the house with Carlisle. I couldn't help feeling nervous, as part of me knew this wasn't going to be easy. I knew it was going to be hard on me, but I had to try to be brave. I told Carlisle I would, and going back on it now was wrong.
I let him take my hand, glancing up at him. We stepped into the hospital, and I almost resisted, hating the way I grew even more nervous. I had to tell myself what I knew. It'd be okay.
It only took just over an hour, but by the time that hour had passed, I was three times as upset, and twice as tired as I was before.
I was weighed, measured. Questioned thoroughly. Blood was taken, and my bruises were accounted for. Every single one, which was a lot considering how far I'd always had to go to cover them.
I ached now in every single one of those bruises. Probably due to the healing stage I was just beginning, but also because they had to look them over. I was given simple Tylenol for the pain since I refused everything else. It wasn't that part of the exam that upset me so much.
Being completely honest with Charlie only got me one more exam I didn't particularly care for, which involved looking for proof of everything else Jack did. A nurse did that one, though, but it didn't make it any easier. It really was all I could do to keep myself from kicking her in the face.
"I know, sweetie." She'd tell me, "I'm almost done."
She was almost done three 'almost done's ago. I didn't care if she thought I was being brave. I didn't care if she knew how much this was bothering me. I didn't care about what she was looking for down there, or about what she'd found. I just wanted to get up. I wanted it to be over.
Naturally, I cried. Of course I cried. I couldn't help it.
I cried while getting dressed again when she let me, and I cried while storming from the room. Ignoring her calling me back. As far as I cared, she could go straight to hell. I found the closest plastic seat, and curled up on it.
"Leandra, honey." She'd followed me.
"It's alright." Carlisle was there, thankfully. Stopping her in the doorway and keeping her from following me completely.
I'd cooperated as far as I was willing to cooperate. I'd been poked and prodded as much as I was willing to tolerate. Anything more, I'd start fighting back.
"Did you get enough?"
"Oh, I got more than enough." She assured him, handing over a folder, "This girl deserves a medal. She did so well." Even with how I acted? That was a little comforting, at least. I was a little relieved she didn't tell him that I behaved badly.
Carlisle sighed, taking the folder from her. I stopped listening at that point. I didn't want to hear it. Taking a deep breath, I sat there, forcing myself to calm down while Charlie and Carlisle had a few last minute words with each other.
"You're sure about this, Dr. Cullen?" Charlie asked, and I looked up, "Taking in a kid like her isn't going to be easy."
A kid like her? A kid like me? The way he said that bugged me. Maybe that was why they said eavesdropping never paid off.
"I'm quite positive." Carlisle replied, "I think we've got it handled." Charlie sighed.
"Well, alright. If you're sure." He said, "Just fill out that paperwork before tomorrow afternoon, and it should be accepted. I'll tell them that you're applying for her, so there's no confusion or mix-up, and so they know she's taken care of."
"Thank you." Carlisle gave him a nod, "It's appreciated."
I stayed seated stiffly as Charlie sighed, turning to me.
"You're not going to find him." I murmured as he kneeled beside my chair, "I'm telling you that right now."
"Don't you worry about that." He replied, "Let us focus on that, and you just focus on getting better."
"I'm not sick." I corrected with a frown, and he chuckled.
"I mean feeling better." He said, and I sighed. I still didn't get the difference, but I nodded. He gave me another smile and stood up. I watched after him as he walked away. Shaking his head a little.
One thing was for sure. I didn't like cops any more than I did before.
Sighing heavily, I laid my head to the side. Closing my eyes. I was so tired at that point, there was little more I wanted than to just curl up in a ball and sleep for days.
I opened my eyes, looking over at where Carlisle stood. Looking over the folder with all my information in it. Along with copies of the evidence they'd taken from me that day. I was positive that there was now more paperwork on me than there had been my entire life.
Every time I looked at Carlisle, I tried so hard to remember why I trusted him so much, but that was easier to do when I wasn't made to focus on something else. It was the oddest thing, and I couldn't help wondering whether or not my sanity could be trusted, but I needed the answer to that so much, I couldn't just let it go. I couldn't just trust it. I needed a reason.
With a deep sigh and a shake of his head, he closed the folder. I looked down before he could see that I'd been watching him. Whatever was written in there bothered him. I could see that. I figured it would, but I was so used to it, I doubted anything in there would surprise me.
"Am I going to live?" I asked hesitantly, looking over again.
"Everything looks okay." He assured me, "We're just waiting on the test results, but I'm confident those will come back clean. I'm sure you'll be okay."
Damn.
"Am I done now?" I whimpered, unable to help the emotion in my voice, "I just want to be done."
"Yes." He replied, "I think you're done for now. Anything after this would just be routine. Check-ups, immunizations, things like that."
"I don't care about later." I admitted, "Just for today. Can I be done for today?"
"Of course." He murmured, "I'll take you back." I nodded immediately, standing up as quickly as I could.
I was taken home, and the first thing I got was a hug from Alice. I could get used to that. I was still pretty upset, so all the hug did at first was make me cry.
"How did it go?" I hadn't even seen Esme follow Alice over.
"About like that." Carlisle sighed sadly, gesturing to me and my continued cries, "I can't blame her at all. She cooperated fully, for the most part."
"Good job, Leandra." Alice told me, "That's it. You did great."
I couldn't reply if I wanted to.
I was allowed to have some lunch while I calmed down, but I couldn't eat much. Still too upset to want to, but I was assured that I could be left alone now. At least, about Jack for the time being.
There were new, more pressing issues now, apparently, and that was about what I remembered so far of the dream I had.
"I don't." I answered Alice, staring down at my plate of food, "I can't yet." I looked to her, "Why does it matter so much?"
"We just want to be careful." She replied quietly, "I think you know more than you even realize." I was quiet for a moment, "Tell me again. What all do you remember?"
"I woke up." I told her, "And I know there was so much more to it, but all I could remember, was the way I felt, and.." I paused, looking back down, "Well, the color of your eyes. Gold." She was quiet so I frowned, thinking harder, "I remember.. I remember here, but.. I remember being older." She perked up a little, smiling slightly.
"That's new."
"I don't actually remember it. I just remember being surprised when I woke up." I replied, glancing to Esme as she listened in as well, "And trouble." I looked back down, studying my hands on the counter, "I remember.." I paused, thinking hard, "There was so much. It's hard to think about."
"Is there any way you can maybe choose what to remember?" Alice asked, "Maybe instead of the most recent things first, try remembering further back."
"I haven't tried that yet." I admitted, glancing to her. I fell quiet for a minute or two, until I spoke up again, "Josh." I looked to her surprised, "He was there, too. And Zack."
"Where?" She asked, "And who?"
"Josh and Zack. The ones in California?" I prompted and she understood, "Jack's nephews. I remember them. From my dream, I think. Not as much as I remember you, but they're there. It's pretty mixed up. Maybe that's why I can't remember." I paused, "And the one with red eyes."
"Hold on." Alice said, and I looked to her, "Who?" That seemed to mean a lot to her.
"I don't know." I answered, "I haven't seen him yet, but I remember his eyes the most. Like I remembered your eyes, I guess. He's the only one I actually remember any part of what he looks like, but like you guys, I remember how I felt about him. I don't like him."
"I wonder why that is." Esme murmured thoughtfully, "You don't remember anything else about him yet?" I shook my head.
"I'm sure it's nothing." Alice told me thoughtfully, and it went quiet for a second.
"Can I have a cigarette?" I asked, gaining Alice's attention again.
"Definitely not." She replied, calmly but incredulously. I looked down, shrugging a little.
"Just thought I'd ask." I mumbled, scooting a leaf of lettuce around the plate with my fork. Resting the side of my face against my fist, I kept my eyes down.
"Leandra, I don't think you realize just how bad those are for you." Alice spoke again, and again, I shrugged.
"Jack let me." I replied.
"He very obviously didn't care about your welfare." She pointed out, "Things are going to be much different from now on."
"It already is." I mumbled, "I'm allowed to eat here. I'm allowed to sleep, and I haven't been hit yet."
"You never will be." Esme told me before Alice could reply. I smiled a little at her, looking back down.
"What if I really mess up?"
"Even then." She replied.
"I mess up a lot." I warned quietly.
She shook her head, "There's nothing you can do to earn treatment like that."
"Do you promise?" I asked quietly, hesitantly hopeful.
"I promise you, sweetheart." She answered immediately, "Nothing. The only thing you can expect here is kindness." I smiled a little at that word, "Patience, and understanding. You have my word on that."
I wanted to believe her. So much.
After lunch, I was allowed to sit in the living room with Jasper and Emmett. They both watched me now and then curiously, probably wondering how the exam part went, but I wasn't up to talking about it. The position I laid in probably told them that.
Right there in the chair, curled up and watching some stupid TV movie, I didn't even realize I was falling asleep. I fought my closing eyes as much as I could, until I couldn't anymore. After the day I'd had, I needed it more than I even fully knew.
"The shorty's growing on me." I woke slightly a bit later to Emmett's quiet voice, "Doesn't seem so bad to have her needing to stay."
"Emmett, human children are a big responsibility." Jasper's reply was quieter, "Especially human children with her sort of past. I don't think you fully realize just what she's been through." The word he used confused me. Human children, versus the easier single word 'children'.
"I was there. I heard all about it, but that was then, and this is now." Emmett replied, and his tone took on more admiration, "Look at her. Isn't she cute?" I frowned a little, adjusting how I laid, "I've always wanted a kid around."
"A past like hers isn't one easily recovered from." Jasper countered, "She's going to have problems."
"We all have problems." Emmett said in return, "She'll feel right at home here. You'll see."
"I'm just giving you a heads up here, Emmett. She's not going to have the same reactions a normal child would." Jasper murmured, "She's going to be more sensitive to different things. It's going to take work to get her through it. Work I'm not sure you're capable of putting forth. You can't play with her the way you could a normal child, you can't tell her the same things you could a normal child."
"I don't care." Emmett responded quickly, "I'll take care of her, then."
"If she'll let you." Jasper murmured, "She may remember you, Emmett, but she's desperately fearful, and with good reason. I can't blame her if she refuses any of our attempts for awhile."
"Why would she?" He asked, "I'm lovable."
"Lovable or not, she's been horribly mistreated." Jasper replied like it was obvious, "For years. That's going to set its mark on her."
"She doesn't have any damn mark set on her." Emmett argued quietly, "She's perfectly fine." I appreciated that.
"I only want you to be careful." He sighed in reply, "You may think you know what you're doing because you know Rose so well, but this is an entirely different situation. Just watch your words and actions carefully until we know her better."
"I'll take care of her, since you're so scared."
"I'm not scared." Jasper sighed, "I'm only concerned, and you should be too." Their bantering back and forth was really starting to bug me.
"I'm more than ready for that sort of responsibility." Esme's voice beside me had me opening my eyes. Rolling over a little, and looking up at her. I hadn't even heard her come into the room. She smiled down at me, "Would you like to take a nap where nobody's talking?" She tossed a disapproving glance toward Emmett, offering her hand.
I couldn't help it. I yawned and nodded. I let her help me to my feet. Sitting up, and scooting to the edge of the chair, I used her help to stand and followed her from the room.
Esme smoothed my hair back softly as I laid back down in the same bed I woke up in this morning, cuddled a pillow to me and closed my eyes. Comforting me greatly. With a soft sigh, I fell asleep almost instantly. I heard her leave the room, closing the door gently behind herself.
Waking up, I was disoriented at first. Pushing myself up with one arm, I looked around myself, dazed. What had woken me up? I didn't remember dreaming, but I felt like I always felt when Jack was around. The near panic, the fear. A sound still echoing in my mind, but I didn't know what sound it was. I was alone in the room.
Sniffling, I climbed out of bed, leaving the room to the smell of dinner cooking. I went into the kitchen, catching Esme's attention, as well as Carlisle's standing there as I rounded the counter and hugged Esme. Surprised, she returned the embrace.
"Are you okay, honey?"
"They won't find him." I shook my head.
"Who?" She asked quietly.
"Jack." I replied, "They're not going to find him." I trembled as I stood there, my arms wrapped around her. Just holding on. They couldn't find him. If they couldn't find him, they couldn't keep me safe.
"I knew this was a bad idea." I whimpered, just loud enough for them to hear.
"No, honey." Esme murmured, "They'll find him. He just wasn't where they looked. That's all it is."
"He's going to come for me." I mumbled, looking up at her, "I'm going to be that bunny."
"No, you're not." Carlisle spoke up this time, "I won't let that happen."
"I'm so scared." I admitted, looking up at him now, "I don't want to die yet. I don't want to die when things are just starting to go right for me."
"And you won't." He told me, and though I started to cry, I couldn't help trying to believe him. I trembled where I stood, looking around me.
"I don't want him to hurt you, either." I mumbled, looking back up at him, "He will."
"I'd love to see him try." I looked back at Emmett's voice on his way from the living room, "He's not getting anywhere near you while I'm around, shorty."
My tears finally started to fall. Esme embraced me tighter, which I returned. Unable to help it. I really didn't want to die yet, but I also really didn't want them to get hurt trying to protect me.
Heather's words the other day came back to me. Jack held onto people. No matter what, no matter the consequences. He was dangerous to more than just me. Jack destroyed lives. He got his way, no matter what it took. No matter who he had to walk over to get it. No doubt he knew I'd told. I had no doubt in my mind he knew all about what I'd done today. By telling, I'd just placed everyone here in direct danger too.
I cried into Esme's side, shaking my head. Why couldn't I have considered that before? The chance I'd been given for just a little bit of comfort must have been too tempting.
I was such a selfish person.
Despite the fact that I did put up a tiny fight this time around, I just told them everything. I gave it all up, in hopes they could help me, but I highly doubted they wanted to sign on for this kind of trouble.
"I'm sorry." I sobbed, shaking my head again, "I'm so sorry."
A/N: This one took me a little while. I think it was because of the word count. I kept making myself stop, but it needed more lol
Other than how ridiculously long this chapter was, I hope you enjoyed it.
THANK YOU to those that reviewed last chapter! :D They definitely made my day better.
Chapter twelve may take a little more time than the last few. It's still only half done, but I'll be working on it. :)
Until Twelve, my awesome friends! :D