Chapter Twelve
That guilt never eased.
Though I'd already been here exactly one day, and I did start to realize that this was more than just some wishful dream, that guilt never eased. I tried to warn them, but each time I brought it up, they assured me I had nothing to worry about.
I did. I had plenty to worry about, but I found I was more worried about them than I was about myself.
"I know you probably don't believe me." I mumbled during dinner the following day, "But Heather knows what I'm talking about."
"Who is Heather?" Esme asked. She hadn't been in the room when I mentioned her before.
"Heather is Jack's sister." I replied, "She tried to help me while I was there." I took a breath, hesitating for a second, "I wonder if she knows I'm okay."
"I could let her know if you wanted me to." Esme offered, and I looked up.
"Could you?" I asked, my tone hopeful, "She lives in Forks, so it wouldn't be that hard. I don't know her last name, though."
"I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to figure out." Esme assured me, "If she lives here in town, there can't be that many here."
"I wonder," Carlisle spoke up, and I looked over at him, "If it could be the same Heather that works at the hospital."
That would be a pretty neat coincidence. It would definitely make sense for her to take the blame for having Carlisle's card.
"She never mentioned anything about her job." I admitted, "But she did seem surprised that I knew you. Like she knew you, too."
"How funny." Esme smiled, "Such a small world."
"Yeah." I agreed, but I didn't want to hope that it was her.
"I'll definitely look into it for you." He told me, and I nodded a little.
"Thank you." I appreciated his promise. It would be great if it was that easy to find her again. I knew she wanted to keep me from disappearing again, so it would probably be a relief to her too.
I had to admit that it was pretty sad that I wanted Heather to know I was okay, when I hoped my own mom thought I was dead. Even I knew that. I couldn't help it, though. I liked Heather. I didn't remember a time when I ever did like my mom. Sure, I cared about her, but I didn't like her. Those were two completely different things.
"She's the one there that told me I had an opportunity." I explained, "That I shouldn't waste it. She even tried to take the blame for giving me the card. It didn't do much, but she offered. That was plenty."
"That certainly sounds like the Heather I know." He nodded a little, thoughtful now, "She's always been very selfless and a genuinely caring person."
"She knew my parents." I just wanted to keep adding stuff, "She knew my mom and dad, before Jack came along and smashed that all to pieces. She knew me when I was a baby. I guess I used to play with her boys at the park. I don't remember anything about it, but she told me about it." I sighed, "I just don't want her to think I'm still out there somewhere, fending for myself. She's too nice of a person to have to worry about someone like me."
That obviously made Carlisle really curious, as he reached over and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. I couldn't help watching him as he dialed a number. Nibbling on a carrot, I watched closely.
He requested the hospital's Heather's number.
He obviously had better memory than I did, because he didn't even have to write it down. After a brief conversation with whoever he'd called, apparently being told that their Heather was on vacation until the following day, he hung up and dialed a new number.
I was pretty confident at that point that it was her, but I didn't want to hope. I didn't look down this time as he noticed me watching him. Too distracted.
I listened to the one-sided conversation as closely I could. I couldn't hear the other end, so I couldn't tell if her voice was the same or not. Carlisle kept it brief, though, quickly moving on to what he wanted to say. I grew more interested as he mentioned my name.
"I won't keep you." Carlisle told her, "But I just have one question. Just out of a certain amount of curiosity. Do you, by any chance, know someone by the name of Leandra?"
He paused, nodding a little. I wished he would give me some sort of hint about what she said. The suspense was killing me over here.
"I see." He nodded again, and I sighed, looking at my plate. Disappointed already, until he spoke again, "Well, she requested that I let you know that she's okay." I turned again, smiling a little over at him. It was her. He continued, "She seemed concerned, so I thought I'd try, on the off chance that it was you."
He paused, nodding again.
"Yes, she's fine." Carlisle assured her after a minute, "She gave me a call, and I picked her up. It seems she'll be staying here for awhile, but I must ask that you keep that between us." He nodded again, as she must have agreed. Pausing for a moment before answering her, "Of course I can. I'll fill you in tomorrow, if that's alright with Leandra." I nodded, giving him my approval. He gave me a nod in return, acknowledging my nod, "You're quite welcome."
I looked to Esme now, my small smile still in place.
"How cool is that?" I had to ask. It was so funny.
"I'd say it's very cool." Esme replied, a smile of her own in place.
"Small towns." I muttered, "Everybody knows everybody." She laughed, and I added a small laugh to hers.
I'd probably just smiled more than I ever did here. I hadn't felt the need to, but somehow wanting to help Heather out a little, and ease her mind made me smile. Just the thought that Heather knew I was okay helped me feel a little better about what I'd done by calling Carlisle. My decision became a little easier to accept.
With that knowledge out of the way, I felt better enough to eat a little more than I was used to. Oddly enough. I didn't even know that had been bothering me. Carlisle was going to see her tomorrow. I wondered if there was any way I could get him to bring me along.
That problem solved itself that night while I'd be attempting to sleep. Cursing, I darted from my room, across the hall, into the bathroom.
For the third time in less than twelve hours, my nose dripped blood. Out of the blue, usually accompanied by a slight ache in my head. Not too much, but enough to spend minutes trying to stop. How was I supposed to get any sleep at all tonight if it kept doing this?
"Leandra?" Esme was at the door, "Honey, are you okay?"
"Uh-huh." I mumbled around the wad of toilet paper held to my face.
"Are you sure?" She pressed, not sounding at all convinced.
"Yeah." I replied. I didn't want to let on that anything at all was wrong. The last thing I needed was for them to worry. They'd already worried enough about me the last three days. I knew why she was worried, however. I was supposed to be sleeping.
Holding my head back, I grabbed another handful of toilet paper. Sighing.
"Do you want me to get Carlisle?" Esme asked from the other side of the door.
"No." I answered, "No, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." Wouldn't that be fitting? I could definitely do without any more examinations.
I didn't want to be in here too long, knowing she was probably waiting on the other side of the door, so I rushed it a little. Stepping out too early. I hardly had time to notice Carlisle was there anyway, having replaced Esme, when I clearly felt the blood flow restart.
"Dammit." I muttered, catching it in my hand and turning back around. This time, however, Carlisle followed me in.
"What happened?" He asked, turning me around and pulling my hand away.
"Nothing." I replied, surprised, "It just happened."
At his instruction, I sat straight on the side of the tub, and he corrected me. Apparently, holding my head back was wrong.
"Forward." He instructed, "Putting your head back doesn't help, and could make you sick." I did as he told me, letting him gently pinch my nose closed. I hadn't been doing that.
I sat like that for several minutes. I was embarrassed, but not enough to refuse his help. I just wanted it to stop.
"Am I going to die?" I mumbled around his hand, and he seemed to find that amusing. I did a little too, smiling a little along with him.
"No." He said, "You should be fine. Just a few more minutes. It looks worse than it really is."
Since my head wasn't back, the blood that still managed to flow filled my mouth, instead of letting me swallow it, so I had to spit it out into the toilet paper. It happened less frequently now, and soon stopped altogether. For a couple of minutes passed that point, Carlisle still held my nose.
"Okay." He sighed, slowly releasing me, "That should solve it." I slowly raised my head, sighing, "What caused this?"
"I don't know." I answered again, gently wiping off my upper lip, "It just started."
"Are you dizzy at all?" He asked, "Any unusual pain? Headaches? Pressure?"
"No." I replied, "I'm fine. Annoyed, but I'm fine."
"Why are you annoyed?"
"I'm not used to nosebleeds that keep coming." I responded, balling up the bloody bunch of toilet paper, "And definitely not on their own. I mean, I get.. Or used to get them a lot. Especially when Jack would hit me too hard, but I've never gotten any on my own before." I sighed, "And I'm tired. I want to go to sleep, but I don't want to bleed all over the pillow, either."
"Well, I want you to sit upright for at least an hour." He instructed, "Keep your head above your heart. We'll see if it comes back, and if not, then you can go ahead and go to bed, okay?" I nodded, "If it does, then we'll see what else we can try." I nodded again as he stood up.
It felt strange being taken care of like this. It was one thing when he was driving across two states to rescue me from a dark alley, but this was different. This was a little thing. Some minor thing that he helped me with. It was strange to me to be given instructions like this on how to help me, instead of told what to do and hurt in the long run. It was different.
Somehow, this meant just as much to me as the big things.
As it turned out, I was fine. The reason it came back the first two times was because I never stopped it the right way. Go figure. Sitting upright on the couch, my chin resting in my palm, I watched TV with Emmett on the other end of the couch. Yawning almost continuously.
"Aren't most kids your age dying to stay up all night?" Emmett asked, noticing my yawns.
"I don't know." I mumbled, shyly glancing at him, "I just know I'm tired." He was okay, but I was always surprised when I replied to whatever he said.
"Right." He said, "Busy day."
"Yeah." I agreed quietly.
"Tomorrow, you'll want to stay up all night." He suggested, and I glanced to him.
"Probably not." I replied, "Why?"
"I want a friend." He grinned, and I shook my head, looking back to the TV.
"Do you ever sleep?" I asked, "Staying up all night isn't all it's hyped up to be. I like to sleep."
"Sure it is." He reasoned, "When you stay up for the right reasons."
"There are right reasons?" I asked skeptically, "Like what? Watching some boring old movie?"
"Sure." He said, "Nothing wrong with an old movie."
"I guess not." I mumbled. I hoped I hadn't offended him somehow. I sighed, "I haven't watched many movies."
"You haven't?" He asked, surprised.
"Nope." I replied quietly, "I don't watch the TV at my house." He was quiet for a second.
"Um." He spoke up again, "Yes you do. It's right there, and you're watching it, silly." I was confused for a second, until I understood what he was getting at, "And you happen to be talking to the movie expert, shorty. I'll show you all the best ones." I smiled a little.
"Tomorrow, though." I suggested and he nodded.
"Oh, definitely." He said, "There's plenty of time." I looked up as Carlisle stepped into the room.
"How are you doing?" He asked, sitting in the chair closest to where I sat.
"It's still gone." I replied quietly, "Can I go to sleep now?"
"Eager to get away from me, I see." Emmett sniffed, "I see how it is. Here I was thinking we were getting along, but I guess I was wrong." I was surprised at first. I had offended him. For some reason, that thought really bothered me. I didn't want to offend him, but I was really tired. I couldn't stay up all night like he did.
"I-I.. Well, no, but.." I looked his direction now. Really not sure how to reply, "I mean.. I-I'm just-"
"Calm down, shorty." He chuckled, "I was just playing with you." I whimpered, seconds from tears.
"Try not to cry, Leandra." Carlisle could see how upset I was, "That would be the opposite of helpful right now." He gave Emmett a glance, but didn't say anything to scold him. That wouldn't be helpful either. I'd feel worse. I struggled, but managed not to by taking a deep breath. I just felt so bad. Emmett laughed, surprised as he watched me.
"Aw, shorty." Emmett said, the chuckle still in his voice, "I'm sorry."
When I was calmer, Carlisle checked the inside of my nose, which was quite humiliating, and he checked my eyes with a bright little light. He must have seen something right, because he sighed and nodded.
"You're okay." He said, standing along with me, "Just let me know if it comes back, okay? I need to know these things. I'd like to take you back in tomorrow morning as well. In case there was something I missed during the exams today."
"Back to the hospital?" I asked.
"I know you don't like it there." He replied, "I'm sorry, but in this case, it's really better to be safe than to be sorry."
"Okay." I agreed quietly. I didn't mind so much, knowing I was only going to get one thing checked out. It made it better knowing what I was going for, too. I could be cooperative. When I wasn't guarding my life, I was actually pretty laid back and easy to deal with.
If I hadn't felt it before, I definitely felt it now. He was actually concerned about me. He actually cared whether I was comfortable or hurt, or if I was okay. That was both a nice, and a tough realization to have. It confused me, and whatever confused me, I didn't quite like.
"Get some rest, shorty." Emmett smiled, and I nodded a little, resisting the urge to sniffle.
"Good night." I mumbled, unable to make my voice any stronger.
"Good night." Carlisle responded quietly. Emmett echoing him.
Heading back into my room, I gave one more glance behind me. Still quite confused, but I chose not to focus too much on that. It was one thing to know Carlisle wouldn't hurt me, but this was different. To know he actually cared one way or another was something I couldn't figure out how to feel about.
I climbed back into bed, sitting up for a few minutes. Wishing I could understand it.
I wasn't stupid. I wasn't. There were a lot of things I knew that other kids didn't know, but I was quickly finding out that there were also a lot of things I didn't understand. Things I obviously still had to learn. Like how to get used to kindness, or someone actually wanting to be around me. I had to learn how not to be alone. How to let someone help me.
How to just step back, and let someone else handle everything for once. I'd already done that, but I hadn't quite gotten it down yet. I'd been on my own for so long, it was a tough concept to grasp.
I had to learn how to let someone worry about me for once, without questioning their every motive for doing so.
I was actually glad I was going with him the next morning. I wanted to see Heather, too. I wanted to see her, to see proof of what Carlisle had done for me. Weirdly enough, I wanted it to prove itself, his gesture. Without even really knowing it, I was testing him and his sincerity.
Why I'd consider to test him, I didn't know. I knew for a fact that Carlisle wasn't anything like Jack, but how many times had I been wrong in the past? How many times had I been let down by those too busy to look? Now that someone had looked, and I couldn't take it back, why was I considering letting myself trust him?
He'd already gone through so much just for me. Someone worthless. He crossed two state lines just to pick me up. He made sure I was okay. He was allowing me to stay here. Gift thing or not, that was still a big thing to me. He'd supported me, helped me so much already, and continued to do so. He'd done more for me than any one of the ones around here, including Alice. So why did I continue to distrust him?
Laying down, I closed my eyes, and I let myself fall asleep to that question.
I woke the following morning, without a hint of the nosebleed's return. Thankfully, but Carlisle still wanted to bring me with him. Just to be safe. I didn't complain, remembering what he'd done for me yesterday.
Esme came along with us this time, just to give me someone else to keep me company, no doubt, while we waited.
I saw Heather before she saw me, and sure enough, I recognized her long dark brown hair instantly. I tried not to get too excited, but part of me wanted to.
I wanted her to know that I'd taken her advice, and that I didn't chicken out this time. I wanted her to know what I'd accomplished. I wanted her to know what I'd done.
"That's her." I told Esme, and she followed my gaze to the only nurse standing there, looking over a rather large folder. I smiled up at Esme, and she returned it. Heather caught sight of us about that time, and the second she recognized me, she smiled as well. She laid the thick folder on the counter, stopping to talk to another nurse who nodded, before she started our direction.
I wasn't expecting the tight hug she immediately pulled me into, but it wasn't bad.
"Look at you." She laughed, finally releasing me as I looked up at her, "Do you know how bad you scared me?"
"Sorry." I replied, "I wasn't exactly thinking about filling everyone in."
"No kidding." She laughed humorlessly, shaking her head with a sigh, "Do you know how dangerous that was?" Again with the questions.
"I didn't care." I shook my head, "If I didn't get away then, I never would have. You said yourself, remember?"
"I remember." She nodded a little, "I just had no idea what was going on. I didn't know if you had a way to call anyone, or what. When we couldn't find you, Leandra, that scared me so much."
"I'm good at hiding." I admitted. I glanced up as Carlisle turned to us again, giving Heather a friendly smile.
"Dr. Cullen." Heather returned his smile, "You're amazing. I can't thank you enough for helping her like this."
From there, we were all taken into a separate room. Just to talk with more privacy, where Carlisle could fill her in.
She nodded, listening close to his explanation, and his list of what steps had already been taken. She understood all the medical stuff better than I did. I was lost when it came to that stuff, so I just slowly smoothed my hands over the wooden table top.
"I see." Heather finally nodded, sighing heavily, "Had I known all this, I'd have killed him then. My God."
"It's been pretty difficult on her." Carlisle agreed, "I won't lie, but I am happy to say that she managed to cooperate more than needed."
"I'm glad." Heather nodded again, "I'm sorry, Dr. Cullen. I can't-"
He spoke up, "Please, call me Carlisle."
She smiled a little and nodded, "I'm sorry, Carlisle. I can't tell you where my brother has gone. I don't know. None of us do. I've had contact with my father once since we got back the other morning, but that was brief and he never mentioned a word about any of this or where he was. For all I know, he's gone too. I wouldn't doubt in the least that they both have ways of falling off the face of the Earth, and would use those ways in a heartbeat, but if I knew, I'd turn them both in just as quick."
"I know." He replied, "I only wish we'd managed to keep track of them."
"You mentioned something about her refusing to go to the police there?" She asked, and he nodded.
"I didn't want to." I answered this time, and she looked to me, "I stayed put until Carlisle showed up."
"You made the right choice, Leandra." Heather told me, "My father has been very close friends with half the force for a long time now. They'd have given him a call immediately, no matter what your excuse was." I whimpered, shuddering at the thought, "That's the first thing he did, was call them. Telling them to keep an eye out for you. I didn't find it odd then, because I'd have done the same thing. A city that large, you need all the eyes you can get."
"What did he say?" I asked quietly, "What did he tell you?"
"He told me that you just suddenly freaked out on him." She replied, "Even went so far as to show us the bite mark you'd given him." She laughed a little, "You sure got him good. Knowing him, though, I knew that was a lie right away, but I couldn't get him to answer me truthfully."
"He won't." I mumbled, shaking my head, "He won't answer you truthfully."
"Why not?"
"Because he probably doesn't want to die." I recalled her threats to him easily, and that seemed like a pretty good reason to hide the truth from her.
"Did he..?" Her tone had hardened. At first, I didn't understand, but her eyes told me what she was thinking.
"Oh. No." I shook my head, "He didn't have the chance to." I could see now that I'd just changed her entire view of that day, "All he really did was hit me. I'm fine, though."
"He'd better be glad I don't know where he's at." She said through a deep breath, "He's one lucky son-of-a-"
"He makes his own luck." I muttered, carefully leaning back in the chair, "So does Jack." She sighed, obviously trying to calm down.
"What really happened?" She asked me, trying to meet my eyes, "What made you run away like that?" I glanced to Carlisle, and he nodded. I was allowed to tell her this part.
"I didn't get a chance to tell you before." I replied, "I was going to. The day I got back, the first day you talked to me. I didn't get a chance to, before Jack came back inside and Josh freaked you out by telling on me like that."
She smiled a little, "I was only worried. You don't want to risk that, Leandra."
"I know." I shrugged a little, "But I didn't want to change shirts." I took a breath, "Anyway, the reason Jack brought me there at all, was so that he could leave me there. With Ken." Her expression hardened, but fell at the same time. Disbelief and anger hidden in her eyes. I continued, "He was going to go back home, but leave me there. Because I was noticed, he wanted to hide me, I guess."
"With him?" She asked, and I nodded, "You've got to be kidding me. Leaving you there with our father would be unspeakably cruel. Even for him, and he knows it. Jack knows what he's like just as much as I do."
"I ran that day, because I knew I couldn't stay there." I continued, "I wouldn't stay there. Not with him."
"I don't blame you." She replied instantly, "Not one bit. Dammit, Jack.." She sighed, trailing off before she took a breath, "I knew there was something going on in that head of his. I knew it."
"There always is." I agreed.
"Well," She murmured, "The point is, you're safe now." I nodded, agreeing with her, "You're staying with them, right?"
"She is." Carlisle confirmed, "So far, there hasn't been much luck contacting her mother or her father. I'm hesitantly hoping that doesn't improve, to be honest."
"I can't say I blame you much." Heather replied sadly, "Gina.. I don't even know where to begin wondering what happened there. Granted, I didn't know her as well as I knew Chris, so I can't say if that was a normal thing for her or not.
"Chris, though, he's what confuses me. The Chris I knew would never have just up and left Leandra like that, but I can't say it surprises me. I have no doubts Jack was behind every inch of that whole situation."
She paused for a breath, "If I do hear from either my brother or my dad, though, I'll be sure to let you know. I'll do my best, but no promises that they'll even bother talking to me."
"I understand." Carlisle replied, "It is appreciated, though."
She sighed again, and I sensed she was about to leave.
"Heather?" I spoke up, and she looked to me, "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, honey." She replied, "What's up?"
"You know what they're like.." I muttered, "Right?" Her expression hardened a little, so I knew she knew what I meant.
"Yeah." She finally replied, looking down, "I.. Completely understand." She was afraid. I knew that tone. Those muted, quiet words, but loud with meaning. Had I scared her with just one question?
"I only asked," I added, hoping to fix it, "Because I don't think Carlisle and Esme believe me." Heather looked back up.
"Well," She sighed, "I can't say much on all of that, but I can say this." She looked to Esme, "Whatever she's told you about my brother or my father, you really should listen. Guaranteed, she's not making a word of it up or exaggerating. I'd just.." She took a breath, shaking her head a little, "Be careful. They're both pretty resourceful."
I wasn't entirely sure what she meant by that, but I had a feeling.
"I wouldn't worry too much about that." Carlisle assured her, "I'm confident that won't be an issue."
Heather gave him a nod, and she looked to me again, "I can't tell you how happy I am that you got away, sweetie. You'll be okay now."
I nodded again, thanking her silently. There was still more I wanted to ask, but I had feeling she didn't want to answer me with others around. I could understand that.
She had to get back to work by then, and I needed to get checked out more thoroughly, so we had to go our separate ways, but at least she knew where to go to get an update on me if she wanted to. I felt better about that.
Apparently, I was fine. Physically, there was no reason behind the nosebleed-from-hell the night before, so I was brought home before lunch. I followed Esme back into the house, but waited for Carlisle.
"Thank you." I said, looking up at him, "For talking to Heather for me." It was definitely something he didn't have to do, and I wanted him to know how appreciative I was.
"You're very welcome, Leandra." Carlisle replied as Esme headed forward to start lunch. Having pretty much skipped breakfast, my stomach was learning again to start telling me I was supposed to have eaten by then.
Normally, I was full and could make it comfortably through an entire day without eating before my stomach even bothered to complain. With eating more often, it was getting pissed faster. Suddenly, Esme's smaller portions for me were starting to make sense. Instead of letting me pack myself full of food to last a week, it was teaching me how to get hungry at certain times.
When would I stop being surprised that they knew what they were doing?
"How long have you known her?" I asked, curious.
"She was working there before we moved here." He answered, "She's always been very kind." I smiled a little. I knew she was a good person. Though I did have my doubts at first, purely for the fact that she was related to Jack, but it didn't take me long to warm up to her.
"It's hard to believe she came from that family." I muttered, shaking my head a little, "She's not at all like either of them."
"It doesn't surprise me."
"It doesn't?" I asked, and he shook his head.
"It's true," He said, "I don't know her past, but sometimes, being raised around that amount of violence can change a person for the better instead of for the worse. Heather has seen what suffering can do to a person, and only wants to help any way she can."
"How do you think it changed me?" I asked, even more curious now.
"I have no doubt in my mind, Leandra, that you're a good person." He assured me.
"Even though I'm still confused all the time?"
"Being cautious does not make you a bad person." He replied, "Your reactions are yours, and given the unique situation, completely justified. I've already noticed an improvement." I sure hadn't yet. Maybe he took me actually talking to him to be an improvement. I wasn't so sure, but I wanted to believe him.
I was calm for right then, but that changed in an instant.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed someone standing behind me, and there was no waiting to control my reaction. I jumped forward with a squeak, diving for the safe spot behind Carlisle. Before I'd even made it fully behind him, Emmett was trying to calm me down.
"Whoa, shorty." Emmett chuckled, "Calm down."
"It's alright, Leandra." Carlisle's sigh relieved my panic enough to let me start crying.
My heart beat too quickly, only fueling my tears. I felt so stupid for crying, yet again, but I couldn't help it. I hated being taken off guard like that. I was usually very good at knowing when someone was around me, but I had not expected Emmett to be there.
"I did not mean to make her cry this time." Emmett defended himself, "I'm sorry, shorty. I didn't mean to scare you."
I couldn't move yet. Looking up through tears, I could see that Carlisle had turned a little, looking at me in concern, but he allowed me to stay there. Allowing me to hide in my ebbing panic, and increasing shame.
I struggled to get my tears under control. I hated how I had so much to be scared of, and I proved it repeatedly. How just someone standing behind me without my knowledge could throw me into panic like this. Limb-numbing, sob-inducing fight or flight panic that took me awhile to recover from.
I just wanted to not be so scared all the time. That's all I wanted.
Maybe I just needed a little bit of time alone. To reset myself, and adjust a little to being here. That seemed like an impossible thing, given how many people were here. I always found I did a little better with time to myself. I definitely wasn't used to all this interaction.
Maybe that's what was messing me up?
I'd been hidden away all my life, and suddenly, I was being stuck around so many people all at once with hardly any time to myself. Being guarded for so long, trying to understand these new people and where I stood prevented me from adjusting to the house itself.
That was probably why I was always so upset. The problem I found, though, was how to go about telling them that, without seeming ungrateful or rude. I wasn't ungrateful. Not in the least, but I couldn't adjust without some sort of time alone.
"What happened?" Esme's attention had been taken, and I glanced over briefly as she made it to my side.
"I stood in the wrong place." Emmett admitted, and I only felt worse. It wasn't his fault. I didn't blame him.
It actually took me a moment to completely realize where I'd gone for safety. Without any thought at all, I'd sought shelter behind Carlisle. I knew for a fact that I'd be thinking about that a lot later on, but for right then, I filed it away. Just to focus on calming down.
Looking over, I noticed that Esme had kneeled down, and was trying to get me to come out from behind him. How long had she been kneeling there? I could suddenly move again, and accepted her hug easily.
"I'm sorry." I whimpered into her shoulder.
"Don't be." She replied gently, "No, it's not your fault."
"What happened?" Even Alice had overheard, and come to look.
"She was startled." Esme explained, "She's okay."
Weren't they supposed to be in school? What were they even doing home? That was probably why I was startled. I wasn't even expecting them to be here. She and Jasper stood a little ways behind Emmett, watching with just as much concern.
I hid my still crying eyes in Esme's shoulder, embarrassed beyond belief.
"What did I tell you?" Jasper was irritated at Emmett. I could hear it in his voice.
"It's not his fault." I immediately said, "Don't be mad at him."
"Jasper's gonna be mad anyway." Emmett replied, "He's not very happy. I guess it bothers him if I scare you, shorty. Who knew?" The look on his face had me cough out a laugh around my crying, which was strange for me. I'd never done that before. I still held onto Esme, but I found it a lot easier to calm down this way.
Thankfully, these sudden and continuing tears didn't restart my nosebleed from the night before. Carlisle really knew what he was doing.
"Come on, shorty." Emmett said, "Come sit with me. If you're there, Jasper won't kick my butt." I felt better enough to agree, so I sighed, stepping away from Esme.
"What about later?" I asked, "If I'm not around?"
"We'll worry about that later." He suggested, and I shrugged. I had to admit. I felt a little more important, being the one that prevented Jasper being too mad at Emmett. Even if he was a little unnerving, Emmett wasn't that bad of a guy, and it was definitely something to have a big guy like him want me around for his own protection. Even if I was just a small shield to him. A pebble.
"That was some noise you made, shorty." Emmett chuckled as he let me lead the way into the living room. He followed slowly, taking his time.
"I know." I mumbled, "I do that sometimes when I'm scared." To my surprise, Rosalie was sitting in the living room, waiting for our return. I came back to the question. Why weren't they in school? It was a school day, wasn't it?
Emmett was so casual about everything. Like nothing ever bothered him. He could bring up an embarrassing subject like a noise I made like it was nothing. I admired it.
I hesitantly accepted the seat beside Emmett, so I was stuck between where he sat, and where Jasper decided to sit. Just that was enough to only heighten that sense of importance, and I took my job seriously.
"What are you doing, Emmett?" Jasper asked as Emmett seated me beside him, and his tone also told me he still wasn't very happy. At least he wasn't as irritated anymore.
"She's protecting me." Emmett grinned in return, "Aren't you, shorty?"
"I guess so." I replied quietly, "Not sure how good I am, but I can always try."
"I think it's nice." Alice commented from where she perched on the armrest beside Jasper. That seemed to prevent Jasper from commenting any further, and I did see the tiny hint of a smile on his face as he shook his head and turned his attention to the TV.
"I'm really sorry I scared you." Emmett chuckled down at me, and I shrugged. Sighing a little.
"It's okay." I looked down, "It's not hard to scare me."
"Nah, you're tough for a ten-year-old." He told me, and I had to look back up.
"I'm nine." I shook my head a little.
"See, I already forgot you were so young." He pointed out, "That's how tough you are, mighty mouse."
"I don't think I am." I mumbled, "I'm anything but tough."
"I beg to differ." Jasper spoke up again, and I looked to him.
"Huh?" I asked. I'd never heard that saying before, and it confused me.
"It means that I don't agree with you." He explained, "Because you're wrong." I sighed, not really wanting to argue with him, so I just shrugged.
It was quiet now as I focused on the TV, and what was on it. Over time, I became less tense, and I found it easier to relax. With nothing else really planned for the day that I knew of, nothing to really dread, I found it even easier.
Emmett seemed determined to get me to like him. Reaching over, he took my hand, and after just a few minutes of being uncomfortable, it didn't bother me anymore. I held onto his hand now, frowning a little.
"Esme!" Alice seemed particularly excited over something as she jumped up from her spot before I could mention what I wanted to mention. I watched after her, watching her leave the room.
I shook my head, shaking it off. Maybe she just suddenly remembered something she needed to talk to her about. Though I was curious, I didn't think to ask. Instead, I looked back down at Emmett's hand in mine.
"Your hand's so cold." I mumbled, trying to wrap both of my hands around Emmett's. Just to warm it up. I didn't cover much area.
"Yeah?" He asked, looking over, "Well, yours is warm." His tone was joking as he turned my own statement around on me. I was starting to learn how to tell the difference.
"I'm just saying." I laughed a little, unable to help it, "Why is your hand so cold?"
"I don't know." He replied, "Maybe there's something wrong with me?"
"No." I said immediately, "You'd know it, and besides. Everyone else's feel the same way."
"Interesting." He murmured, smiling over at Jasper.
"Maybe there's something wrong with me?" I asked quietly, frowning a little. I thought about the way Jack's hands always seemed to burn me. Too warm, compared to Emmett's hand, which was freezing. Oddly enough, I found that comforting. I never had much contact with people in general, but every single one I did have contact with was warm, but I also hated all of them. I didn't hate Emmett, or Alice or anyone else around here. Maybe my mind just sort of made up the difference?
"There's nothing wrong with you, shorty." Emmett replied, "Nothing at all. You're perfect." I'd never heard that part before.
I didn't agree with him, but I didn't argue. There had to be something wrong with me if I was the only one with a different temperature. I knew there really was something wrong with me, but I didn't think it had anything to do with my temperature being different than everyone else's.
I didn't have much time to concentrate on that, as Alice came back in.
"There's a storm coming in." She grinned, and even if I didn't really understand, everyone else did. Emmett's instant grin told me that was good news. I was confused for a moment. Why would even more rain be reason to be so excited?
"I don't like the rain that much." I mumbled, "Is that a good thing?"
"I really don't know." Jasper was talking to Alice now, "Is that wise? Right now?"
"Bring the shorty with us." Emmett waved it off, "Maybe it'll jog her memory." He poked my head lightly, and I looked up at him.
"That's definitely not happening, Emmett." Alice declined this time, "And I think she'll be fine here by herself for a little while. Besides. It wouldn't be until tomorrow anyway."
"Oh." I perked up, that catching my attention, "Yeah. I'll be alright if you guys have to go somewhere." That's what I needed! I couldn't help agreeing with her. I needed this. I barely managed to hold myself back from begging them to go without me.
"Okay, I don't trust that eager face one bit." Emmett muttered after a moment, and I looked down, "I don't think we should leave her here alone."
"It's not like that." I replied, looking to him, "I'm saying I'll be alright. I won't touch anything or anything. I'm just saying that you don't have to worry about me."
He didn't seem convinced so I sighed, disappointed now. Laying back a little too roughly, which was a massive mistake. I was normally very careful, but this time, I wasn't. My back landing too roughly against the back of the couch, and I gave a quiet gasp. Wincing heavily and squeezing my eyes shut briefly.
"Ow." I whimpered, forcing myself to sit up again.
"You okay, shorty?" Emmett noticed that.
"No." I mumbled, keeping my eyes down. I took a deep breath, deciding to just explain, but where should I start? I leaned forward, to a more neutral, comfortable spot in hopes my bruises would stop screaming at me.
"You can go wherever you want to go." I mumbled, looking over, "I need.. I guess I need you to go. Just for a little while."
"Why?" I expected that. How could I explain it without seeming ungrateful? Briefly at a loss, I looked to Alice. She only gave me a nod. That wasn't much help.
"Well.." I took a breath, "I.. My whole life, I've been alone. I'm not used to being around people. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm not alone anymore, but.. I'm not used to it. Being around people makes me want to hide. If you want to go, I won't be any trouble. I promise."
"So.." He murmured, "You're saying you'd prefer it if you had the place to yourself for a little while?"
"Are you mad?" I had to ask, but something in my tone must have bothered him. He wasn't joking anymore, but worried now by the look in his eyes.
"No, shorty." He replied, "I'm not mad." He reached for me, probably to take my hand again, but I tensed. It was instinct to me, and normally uncontrollable. I didn't mean to. He sighed, "Shorty-"
"Emmett." Alice spoke up, thankfully. I looked over at her, hoping for some help explaining. She could just reach me from where she sat to Jasper's other side. She leaned over, and I tensed a little, confused as I felt her grip the back of my shirt in her hand.
I figured out what she was doing the second she moved, but I didn't protest anymore. They'd have to see it to understand, no doubt, just how far this distrust that Jasper mentioned went. Maybe it would help them understand me better. Maybe it would help them understand better the reason why I acted the way I acted.
I looked forward again, leaning on my folded arms across my knees. Allowing her to gently pull my shirt over my back, holding it bunched at the back of my neck. I trembled lightly, biting my lip and waiting for their reaction. They'd never seen these before, no doubt underestimating it.
I looked over at Emmett as I felt him gently take my shirt from Alice, holding it up himself.
"You're telling me," Emmett muttered, "That one man caused this?"
"Well," I replied, "That depends. The thinner, newer ones are Ken's doing. The bigger, older ones are Jack's." I took a breath, looking down, "He's told me a million times not to run from him. I did anyway." I continued, "If you look close, you can probably see the even older ones under those. The even older ones are a week older than the newer-older ones. I was so close." I sighed, shaking my head.
"This is what you've been hiding?" Emmett asked, and I nodded. Softly, he tugged my shirt back down, and I sat a little straighter again.
"Kids like me," I murmured, "We're forgotten about. Most die, I hear. Most don't get a chance like this. Some hold on, but we're forgotten about just the same. Believe me. I get that better than anyone. Being in new places scares me. I'm not used to this place. So if you want to go somewhere, I won't complain. It'll let me get used to being here a little more."
"Shorty," He spoke, his voice quieter, "I know it'll probably take you awhile to fully get this, but no. You never have to worry about this again."
I sighed, standing up. I didn't feel like staying to discuss it any further. I'd said what I needed to say. Stepping passed Jasper, his curious gaze on me, I passed Alice as well. Heading straight for my room.
I paused in the room, listening just passed the doorway as they hardly waited until I was in there before starting in on each other.
"Why didn't you tell me it was that bad?" Emmett was upset, "Why didn't you tell me back when I could have killed the bastard?"
"That's exactly why I didn't." Alice replied, "You're forgetting the reason why I didn't kill him myself."
"She's just a kid, Alice." He countered.
"A kid that needed to see that she's got more control over her own life than what that bastard has shown her." Alice argued, "Come on, Em. Think about what this will do for her."
"You kept that a secret from everyone."
"Damn right, I did." She murmured, "Had I told anyone else, they wouldn't have been able to handle it. It was more than just Bella keeping Edward from the house, you know. Edward chose not to stick around. He couldn't handle seeing it without doing anything about it. Not to mention the fact that Carlisle would have been obligated to step in had I mentioned anything specific. She had to come to this on her own. You know it."
"I still don't like it." He sounded pained, "She's just a kid, for crying out loud. Anyone who'd treat a kid anything like that deserves his damn head ripped off."
"I know." Alice replied, "Believe me, I know what you're getting at, but she's here now. That's what matters now. She's here, and she'll see soon that she's safe."
"How?" He asked incredulously, "After that, I'd be surprised if she ever trusted anyone else again."
"She trusts you." Alice reminded him, "She just doesn't trust her own trust."
"What's that even mean?"
"It means she's hesitant." She answered, "She wants to believe her trust, but she doubts it. Her doubt can't take that trust, though, which is a good thing. She's just a little conflicted, is all. Give her a little time."
Conflict meant having a disagreement. Conflicted was right. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel.
Moving away from the door, I sighed heavily as I crawled up onto the bed. Settling onto my stomach, cuddling a pillow to myself.
I jerked awake, not having realized I'd fallen asleep, at the sound of the door opening again.
"I'm sorry, honey." Esme told me even before I could turn to look at her, "I didn't mean to wake you so suddenly."
"I'm a light sleeper." I mumbled, turning myself over and forcing myself to sit up, "I'm just glad I woke up better this time than I did this morning." I must not have been asleep that long, "I don't even know why I sleep so much."
"You're recovering." She answered as she crossed the room, "Sleep is good for you. You can sleep whenever you need to, but you skipped lunch." I couldn't argue there. Going so long without being able to sleep whenever I needed to was catching up to me now.
"Any requests for dinner?" She asked.
She sat on the bed beside me, gently smoothing my hair down my back. I looked up at her, and she smiled a little.
"I wish I could remember you." I admitted quietly, "You sure seem like a person worth remembering."
"You'll get it." She assured me.
"What if I don't?" I worried about that without even realizing it, "What if I never remember?"
"Then that just leaves more room for new memories." I had to smile a little, looking down. She had this way of turning every single thing around into a good thing. She returned my smile, "So? Dinner?"
"Anything you make is amazing." I sighed, climbing off the bed. She seemed to like that compliment, standing up with me.
I only then seemed to realize, looking to Esme as we stepped into the kitchen, "Why has everyone been home from school?"
"To give you a chance to adjust to them, sweetie." She answered. That made sense. I nodded a little, "And to be honest, Alice is reluctant to leave you."
"Why?" I asked, gingerly sitting down.
"She's a bit protective of you. She just wants to be sure you're comfortable."
"She's already done so much for me." I shook my head, "She shouldn't have to keep worrying about me."
"I'm sure she'll relax as you do." She replied, and I nodded again.
"I'm trying." I murmured, "I swear I am."
"Oh, we understand, honey."
"Emmett seemed a little mad earlier." I admitted, "I just.. I don't want him to think that I don't like him. I do like him. He's.. He's been so nice to me. Everyone has. I'm just.." I trailed off. I didn't know how to really describe it.
"Conflicted." Esme offered, and I sighed.
"Yeah." I replied, "That."
"It'll come with time." She told me, "I promise it'll get easier. Whether you remember or not, it will get easier, darling." Her attention was taken to the doorway behind me, so I took the hint. I turned, looking back as well, spotting Carlisle there.
"How are you feeling?" He asked me, and I looked down.
"Okay, I guess." I replied with a little shrug, "I hurt today, but I'm used to it."
"Would you like me to give you anything?"
"No thanks." I shook my head a little, "I'll live."
I knew I needed to get over this. I needed to get passed this aversion, but it was one of the hardest things to do. I didn't want to be nervous all the time, but I had no choice. Until I knew where I stood, it would be very hard not to be nervous all the time.
But he needed effort from me, too. They were all trying so hard for me. Why couldn't I try just a little?
"Actually," I mumbled, "Sure. You can give me something." He seemed surprised, but chose not to question it. Turning to head for the stairs, "Nothing that makes me tired, please." I had to throw that request in there. For my own comfort.
Esme was smiling to herself as I glanced to her before I looked back down. She obviously approved, but also chose not to mention it. I preferred it that way. Not making a big deal out of it.
I had been fighting this, resisting before, just like I knew I should. That promise. The promise I'd always made to myself came forward yet again. I was so afraid, so very scared of being disappointed or hurt that I should have refused to let myself get into a situation where I could be. What was wrong with me?
But I also couldn't deny that every time I thought of anyone here hurting me, my mind corrected itself. Like I knew differently. Like it was telling me not to be so stupid. That was the part I didn't trust. That was the part that conflicted me. That was the part I wanted to trust so bad, but I didn't trust my own trust in it. I needed to start doing that.
That was the same part of my mind that corrected me each time I bothered to hope that I'd be seen someday. Maybe that was why I didn't trust it? The usually doubtful part of my mind was telling me I didn't have to be afraid.
I sighed, hesitating for a moment as Carlisle returned. I looked carefully at the harmless bottle of Tylenol, hoping it was harmless. I took the single pill he offered me, also hoping this would help ease the aching pain enough to focus through.
I assured myself with thoughts that Esme was standing right there, so I didn't have to worry so much. Taking the pill easily now.
"Thank you." I told him, and he gave me a nod in return.
"That should help." He replied, and I nodded this time.
"Leandra," I looked up at Esme, "I couldn't help overhearing earlier." I knew what she meant. She was talking about the wanting to be alone part.
"Are you mad?" I asked quietly.
"Of course not." She replied, "I think it makes sense. It's very understandable, you needing your space. I suppose as prepared as we were, that never occurred to us."
"I'm just not used to it yet." I admitted, "I wasn't going to say anything."
"Why not?" She asked, "Honey, you can say anything that's on your mind. It would help, actually."
"I didn't want anyone to think I wasn't grateful." I replied, shaking my head, "That's not it. I'm more grateful than I've ever been in my life. For everything, but.."
"We understand." She assured me, "It'll take some time, but we have just as much to learn as you do." That made sense, "If there's anything at all you want to say, please don't be afraid to say it. Anything you want, we'll do our best. Requests, suggestions, concerns or worries, feel free." I smiled a little at her kind laugh.
"Well," I mumbled, "I know you don't like it when I cuss."
She winced slightly, "Words like that shouldn't come from someone so sweet."
"I can't help it sometimes." I admitted, "Sorry about that. I've heard words like that my whole life." She shook her head, obviously not approving. I had a feeling the more she learned about me, the worse that would get.
"Here, honey." She said after a few silent seconds, "I'll make you a deal."
"What kind of deal?" I asked.
"You'll have the whole house to yourself tomorrow afternoon." She informed me, "If that's what you really want?"
I nodded immediately, "I do want that."
"I trust you'll be okay on your own." I nodded again as she continued, "So you'll have that, on one condition. Take a bath while we're gone."
"A bath?" I frowned. It had been a day or so since my last one. Was this a more than once a week thing?
"You can use as much hot water as you want to." She assured me, "And if it somehow runs out, just wait half an hour. It'll be back." I laughed a little at the way she said that.
"I'm used to putting off taking a shower." I admitted, "For as long as I can get away with it. Do I stink?"
"No," She replied, "But it's important for your health to shower regularly. Especially while you're healing." I nodded a little.
"I'll try to remember to more often." I told her, and she nodded as well.
"Are you sure you'll be okay here by yourself?" She asked.
"I'm good at it." I reminded her, "Don't worry. I won't go looking or snooping anywhere. You don't have to lock any doors or anything."
"I'm not concerned about that." She placed a plate in front of me, "I'm more concerned about you getting lonely."
"I think better when I'm alone."
She sighed, "I understand. I'll be leaving a list of numbers for you, just in case."
I spent the majority of my time the following day hiding away, now that I knew they weren't offended by it. It felt nice to just exist for a few hours. I didn't have to be anywhere, or talk to anyone. My mind was busy, though, and it helped that I could go over everything that had happened without anyone asking if I was okay.
I used to do this a lot on the weekends. Though at home, I didn't have anyone I needed to hide from until Jack got home in the evening. Back before life changed so much. Back before everything started moving around me, and the ground was no longer solid, I used to do this.
Just sitting, tucked away somewhere as I thought. This was the most comforting of my time spent here, and it was nice. I could take deep breaths, and they helped again. I could cry, albeit quietly, but I could just cry. Not having to worry about anyone asking if I was okay, or if I was in pain.
I was in pain. A lot of pain. Every kind of pain. I was tired, hurting and insecure. Of course I was in pain, but I was no stranger to pain. I was used to hurting this bad, but I wasn't used to being scared like this. In this way. I was confused, fighting relentlessly my own thoughts and emotions. Constantly correcting my thoughts when they'd drift, and arguing with my reasons to correct myself.
It was nice to just sit and think, but the things I sat and thought about weren't so nice. Thankfully, my thoughts were silent.
Esme came to my room at around noon, to see if I was okay and asking if I was hungry yet.
"Not really." I mumbled, answering both questions with one response. She obviously caught on, sighing sadly.
"If you need anything, please let me know." That was the very best answer she could ever have given me. Because I was honest with them yesterday, she understood my need to sort through everything on my own, and I very deeply appreciated that.
"I will." I replied, my gaze grateful as I looked at her.
She left the room with a small smile, closing my door softly behind her.
I was awake later on when Esme returned. I was awake, and I could hear her, but she never demanded a response. She let me know that they were leaving me alone now, and if I needed anything, just give her a call. Letting me know that I could help myself to anything in the kitchen if I got hungry enough to eat.
"I'll be okay." I finally rolled over and murmured, "Don't worry about me."
"I just worry." She admitted.
"You don't have to." I replied, "Jack isn't here. That automatically means I'll be okay."
"If you're sure.."
"I am." I nodded a little, "Go ahead."
She finally left, but I could see how reluctant she was. I couldn't blame her. She just didn't know how practiced I was at being alone. I wondered how many times this would have to happen before she realized. I might have only been nine, but I was smart enough to know not to stick a whole drawer of silverware into the microwave or bake a dish towel in the oven on high for six hours.
I laid there for quite some time afterwards. Just laying on my bed, watching the curtains across the room. They were neat to watch, and to me, it was better than reading any book or watching any TV show. The curtains didn't try to take my focus from the thoughts already in my head.
My eyes closed on their own. No choice in it for me, but my thoughts continued for a few minutes after. Thoughts of where I laid now, versus where I'd been laying just a few days ago. It was so hard to believe that this was the right choice.
Everyone kept telling me how I'd made the right decision by deciding to call, but I still couldn't see it. I couldn't see how pissing Jack off, for any reason, was the right decision. I couldn't see how running from him, only to hide behind this family was the right decision.
The answer was there. I knew it, the reason why, but I couldn't reach it. Trying to recall what that reason was felt, to me, like trying to reach for something across the room. It was there, but I couldn't get to it without giving more effort.
It was the most frustrating thing I'd ever felt before.
When I opened my eyes, I realized I must have fallen asleep. I was now laying in the dark. Not meaning to fall asleep, I never turned my light on, so this really bothered me. There was still a bit of evening light out behind the thick curtains, but the amount of light peeking into the room was nowhere near enough to illuminate anything whatsoever. I sat up in my bed with a slight bounce, looking around myself in the pitch blackness. What had woken me up?
Was it a dream that had woken me up? Or was it something else? I didn't hear a sound around me.
That soon stopped mattering. The regular fear I felt in the dark came back, and I knew, all I had to do was just move a little bit. All I had to do was scoot over, reach out and turn on the lamp, but I couldn't move. Fear immobilizing me. I was so convinced that if I reached out, if I uncurled from my tiny ball for just a second, something would get me. I squeezed tighter into my ball, squeezing my own breath from my lungs.
However, I knew the longer I sat here, the longer I had to make sure I never moved again until the light came back. I was scared, but I knew I had to move.
Before I could dwell too much on it, I steeled myself the best I could and forcefully climbed off the bed. Standing up, I felt twice as vulnerable as I had before, so I did the only thing I could think of. Racing across the room as fast as I could. Fighting the door open, I jumped out into the hallway with a soft cry of fear. Just knowing something was behind me.
The hallway was dark as well, but not near as dark as my bedroom was. It took me a moment to realize that I'd actually been brave enough to run through the dark. I was safe now.
Looking back into the dark room, I reached over and turned on the hallway light. My panicked breathing had yet to slow down as I looked around the once dark room. The hallway light crawled into my room as well, lighting it just enough.
There was nothing in there out of the ordinary. Nobody waiting there to stab me if I moved wrong. Nobody waiting for me to leave myself vulnerable. It was just the room. Now void of anyone.
Slowly, I pushed the door further open, walking back inside. Straight to the bedside lamp. I sighed as I turned it on. Ensuring that didn't happen again. I would sleep with that on tonight. I stood there, calming down after what felt like hours of fear. That had taken a lot out of me.
I sighed again, rubbing my hungry stomach. I couldn't believe I'd gone the whole day without eating. That was probably what woke me up. Curiously, I started wandering. Leaving my room and looking around in the hallway, before slowly making my way toward the kitchen.
It was odd for me to not to see anyone.
My focus was taken by the plate of chocolate chip cookies I found on the counter in the kitchen. Carefully stepping closer, I bit my lip as I slowly peered over the edge of the counter at the plate. Heavily tempted.
Would anyone notice if any were gone? They were just right there. Nobody was around to ask, and nobody was around to tell me no. Esme had told me to help myself to anything, so I figured why not? I was hungry, but didn't really have the energy to actually make something. I'd deal with the consequences later on.
So I snagged one, and darted around the counter to sit in one of the seats there. Nibbling on the cookie eagerly, looking around some more. It was eerie here alone.
It was silent. Nothing moved, nobody watched me.
I found I was just as distracted out here as I was in my room. Sitting there, my thoughts returned to the conversation with Heather the day before. She didn't know where Jack was, but that didn't seem to surprise her. I wasn't sure if that was surprising to me or not.
It sure didn't surprise me that Jack couldn't be found. It didn't. I just wished I could know when he was coming for me. Not so I could avoid it, but so I could go on and meet him. As much as the thought of dying scared me, especially at Jack's hands, the thought of anyone else getting hurt because of me scared me even more. Who knew what Jack would do?
I shuddered at the possibilities, nearly choking on the small bite of cookie I'd taken. I moved to set it down, unsure if I wanted it anymore.
I froze, though, as the garage door opened suddenly. Stuffing whatever was left of my cookie into my mouth quickly. Chewing slowly with a wide eyed expression, I glanced sideways as Carlisle stepped inside first, followed by someone else, and Esme afterwards. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out that I had eaten something.
I hoped they wouldn't be mad as their eyes found me. Especially after my behavior earlier. Hiding away from everyone. Though I knew they understood, it didn't help ease me.
"Leandra." Carlisle came to my side. He seemed tense, but not mad at me. I could tell that instantly. Telling when someone was mad at me was a skill I'd developed a long time ago.
"Hmm?" I couldn't exactly answer him.
"Go into your room." He urged, and I frowned a little. He never told me to leave the room. Nobody did. I wondered why that suddenly changed. Maybe he actually was mad? But he didn't seem to be. He wasn't angry.
I glanced behind him toward where Esme stood talking with the stranger that had come inside with them. He seemed even more tense than Carlisle was.
"Hey." I mumbled when I'd cleared my mouth. I looked closer as I climbed from my seat.
"Leandra." Carlisle tried to take my attention again, "Go."
"Who's he?" I asked, and the stranger looked my way. His gaze meeting mine. I partly recognized him, even as I jumped a little. I couldn't look away. From where I stood, I had to really look, "His eyes are red." I could see that much, and the confusion in his eyes confused me right back.
I'd gained Esme's attention now, and she stepped forward. Probably seeing that Carlisle had been unsuccessful in making me vacate my spot at the counter. I knew I should have listened to him, and done what he told me, but I couldn't help it. I had to stand there watching the stranger as he watched me, almost seeming afraid in his confusion. I couldn't get passed his eyes.
Naturally, I was afraid of him, but not for the same reason I was used to.
"Come on, honey." She took my hand. I kept my eyes on the stranger, though. Walking backwards as Esme attempted to lead me away, resisting ever so slightly.
"Esme, his eyes are red." I murmured as we neared my room.
"I know." She replied gently, "But-"
"I don't think he's the same one."
"He isn't?" That caught her attention, and thinking hard about it, I shook my head. I might not have remembered anything else about the one I remembered, but I knew that wasn't him. I was sure of it.
"Uh-uh." I answered, "Who is he?"
"We'll explain it to you later." She replied, "For now, we just need you to sit tight, okay?" Meaning, stay in my room. Stay where she put me. I nodded, watching her close my door behind her as she left.
The red eyed man.
He wasn't the one I remembered. How many people in the world could have eyes that color? I'd never seen anyone with eyes like that. Now suddenly, there were at least two? How many others? And how were their eyes that color to begin with? Maybe a weird light brownish color? No. There was no brown there. It made my stomach flip.
I waited in my room for as long as I could, but eventually, my curiosity got the better of me. Slowly pulling open my door, I peeked out. My door never made a sound, so I thought I was in the clear until Esme found me before I could even take a step out into the hall.
Coincidence.
She took my hand, hugging me into her side as she sighed. Something was wrong. I could tell that immediately. I looked up at her as she led me toward the kitchen, and into the bright garage. It seemed as if every light in the room was on, and it was busy. Everyone was here now, even Bella, who I hadn't seen since class that day. Something had obviously happened, and I'd missed it completely. Left clueless, and I wasn't even sure I wanted to know.
From there, she let me go, only to have Carlisle replace her with his hand on my shoulder. Everything was happening so fast, it was hard to keep up. In my confusion, I was very easy to move. It was easy to lead me where I needed to be led.
"Am I in trouble?" I asked, looking up at him, "Did I do something wrong?"
"Of course not, Leandra." He assured me, but his tone wasn't very assuring. Well, something was bugging him, and I could only hope it had more to do with the red-eyed man than with me. If I was in trouble, he'd tell me, right?
There wasn't much chance to ask him much else, as he wasted no time in crossing the garage with me and insisting I get into the back of his car. Not quite pushing me, but urging me. The tension, which was already starting to get to me, told me I knew this. Listen to what he didn't say, and do it. Which I did so, confused but too surprised to even try to ask.
I climbed into the backseat beside Bella, she and I glancing to each other. We weren't alone in here either, as Jasper and Alice both took the front seats. Were we going somewhere? Looking out the window, we weren't the only ones preparing to leave. Everyone else was as well.
What the hell was going on?
"Whatever I did, I'm sorry." I spoke up, looking to Alice in the front.
"Leandra." Alice's quiet voice had me stay quiet as we got moving, "You're fine. It'll be okay."
She said that, but I didn't believe her. I whimpered, staying quiet as we took the driveway first. Outside the car was dark, and I couldn't see much outside my window. It worried me, left me with a chilled feeling. The rain was just showing up, and I watched as my window was slowly pelted with the thin drops.
I looked to Bella, "Why do we have to leave?"
"Don't tell her, Bella." Alice murmured from the front, "She doesn't remember yet." I sighed, but didn't push it. I only wanted to understand, but apparently that was too much. What didn't I remember? Was there something I needed to remember?
Looking back out the window, I watched. Calming now, into almost a daze as everything seemed to speed up, flying by as I slowly forgot about my questions. Calmer than I should be, it really didn't take long for sleep to find me.
I didn't understand what was wrong with me. Why I could go from scared, to calm so suddenly. Maybe there really was something wrong with me?
I knew I should be scared, and I knew I should be wide awake, but I wasn't. The only thing I could be was tired. Nobody spoke now, the car silent as we left the house far behind. I closed my eyes, much like I had when Jack had taken me, but this was different. Like we were leaving not just the family, but everything else behind.
As I slept, it seemed as if a permanent frown was on my face. I was awake enough to remember that much. I could concentrate enough to know something was there. Closer than all the others, but that's because this hadn't happened yet. I knew that difference. It was starting to give me a headache, trying to sift through my foggy thoughts like cards stacked in random piles.
Everything was different now.
We never stopped. We just kept going, continuing on through dawn, and morning. Through afternoon, and evening. Despite the physical pain of sitting so still for so long, I couldn't stay awake. It felt, to me, like I'd taken some sort of sleep medication, because right then, sleep was more important than being comfortable. I knew I hadn't though, which was pretty confusing to me. As confused as I could bother to be, anyway.
How tired I was reminded me a lot of the first night in California, relaxing on Ken's lap the way I had. This was slightly different than that, but this did make me wonder about that. Had Ken given me something? How suddenly it had come on there, and how sedated I'd felt. How deeply I slept that night. I knew the difference between regular sleeping and that kind of sleeping, but it never even occurred to me.
I filed that away for later. One of the many things I'd probably focus on while my questions went unanswered.
We got to a hotel, and I woke enough to know that Bella had fallen asleep as well. Alice carried me from the car, giving me time to wrap my arms around her neck weakly, but Jasper helped Bella to her feet. Now and then, he glanced back at us, paying close attention to where we were as he grabbed Bella's bag. I didn't have a bag, but that hardly bothered me right then. I just rested my head on Alice's shoulder, and fell back to sleep. Not even awake long enough to see the inside lobby of the hotel. I was just out.
When I opened my eyes next, I was curled in a ball on the couch of a rather large hotel room. A thin blanket draped over me, and a pillow under my head. I opened my eyes, staring at the back of the couch, blinking tiredly. It wasn't a particularly comfortable position to lay in, but I still didn't want to move. The couch was pretty hard and uncomfortable, which told me that if I'd been laying on this for very long, moving would hurt ten times worse.
My bruises still healing would protest the second I tried to move, if they were already yelling this badly already. I eventually did have to move, however. My limbs felt stiff, and continuing to lay there for any continued length of time was surely out of the question.
I took a breath, and rolled over. Uncurling, and whimpering quietly in pain as I tried to push myself upright as I did so. I couldn't help it, and it alerted Alice and Jasper across the room that I was awake now, given how Alice stood up.
"Leandra." Alice murmured, crossing the room to help me sit up. Thankfully, "How are you feeling?"
"Ow." I mumbled, unable to say much else. I was already so close to tears, having to explain anything else would have ensured that I cry.
"I'm sorry." She sighed sadly, "We thought Bella could use the privacy of the bedroom." I nodded, and I really did understand. Even if I still had no idea what the hell was going on.
"It's okay." I whimpered, fixing my bunched shirt. She was quiet for a second, sitting beside me. I looked up at her, "When are we going back?"
She hesitated, "We'll be here for awhile." There was so much she wasn't telling me. I wasn't stupid.
I hesitated as well, biting my lip a little, "Why are we here?" She studied my expression for a moment, as if debating with herself. I didn't ask again, waiting to see if she decided to tell me. I didn't want to push it.
"Your bruise is looking better." She offered instead, and I looked down.
"Where are we?" I asked, unable to help it.
"Leandra, I know you're confused, and I can't blame you." She sighed, "Just trust me, okay? You'll be alright."
"Who was that?" I asked, fixing how I sat, "Why did we leave?"
She sighed again, looking to Jasper this time.
"We can't tell you much, Leandra." Jasper spoke up.
"Why not?"
"Because you've yet to remember anything that would explain everything." He answered, "This is something we're.. Not allowed to explain."
"How do you know I still don't remember?" I wondered, frowning.
"There would be no question in your mind as to why we're here if you did." He replied, "You wouldn't be so confused."
"Oh." I muttered. Yeah, that made sense. I sighed, "Nope. I don't remember."
"I'm aware."
"But.." I added, frowning even more, "Alice, his eyes were red."
"Just like the one you remember." She understood my confusion. Sort of.
"No." I replied, "He's not him." That took her attention.
"Are you sure?"
"Unless he is, and I remember wrong." I murmured, "But I don't think he is. Are there more with eyes that color?" I had a feeling she'd know.
At a loss again, she looked to Jasper.
"Yes." He answered carefully, "There are."
"What did he want?" I asked him this time, "Why'd you have to bring me here?"
"Leandra," He sighed, "I know this is hard on you, but you need to just trust us."
"How can I just trust you, when you won't tell me anything?" I grumbled.
"Now you understand how frustrating it is being led around in circles." He replied, slightly amused. I could see the humor in it, but I wasn't laughing.
"It sucks." I carefully leaned back, wincing a little as my back found the armrest of the couch.
"I agree." He nodded a little, "But look at it this way. You should be pretty practiced by now at just going along with things, right?"
"This is different." I shook my head, "All the times before, it was my idea. This isn't." It was true. When I'd cooperated, it was because I either wanted to, or knew I had no other choice. Here I was trying to fix my life, and suddenly, this happens. This happens, and nobody would tell me a damn thing.
"She has a point." Alice sighed.
"Does that mean you'll tell me why we're here?" I asked, "Wherever we are?"
"No." They both answered calmly at once. I sighed, shrugging a little.
"Didn't hurt to ask." I mumbled to myself, looking down.
A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. Stomach bug and head cold both stole most of my focus, along with the hubby being sick and excruciatingly unbearable tooth pain. Happy New Year to me! :D
I hope this chapter makes some sense. If not, I apologize, and blame it on the time of year. I could spend another week going over this, but I know that'd just drive me up the wall, so it's as ready as it can be.
THANK YOU to my wonderful reviewers! You're all AMAZING! And awesome! And amazingly awesome! And awesomely amazing! All of those. Those are you. You are those. :D
Anyhoo. Chapter thirteen will be probably as long, as it's still totally unchanged as of right now, but I will be working on it.
Until Thirteen, my friends! :D