Chapter Fourteen

"You're against seeing your father?" Alice asked.

"Not seeing him." I muttered, shaking my head, "I can see him, but I won't go with him." I sighed, looking to Carlisle, "I asked you too late, didn't I?" About not telling my dad I was here. It wasn't really up to him, anyway. It was probably Charlie that filled him in.

"Why don't you want to go with him?" Alice asked before he could reply, "Don't you want to be with family?"

"He's not family." I replied, "I don't even know him. What I do remember of him, from my dream, is that me going with him doesn't go so well. I don't like it there, and I get mad, because I want to be here. I'll see him. That's okay, but I won't go with him."

"Think she'll get a choice?" Alice asked, looking to Carlisle as well.

"If she were to be allowed to stay here," He answered, "It'd have to be him that decides to allow it. He'll need to give up his rights to her."

"He has rights to me?" I frowned, "Even though he hasn't been there for most of my life?"

"He's your biological father." He replied, "He does have his parental rights to you, and if they called on him, it means they still stand. You'll need to convince him to let you remain here." I nodded, "If you're truly against it, I won't try to change your mind, and you know you'll have a place here, but I must at least ask you to reconsider."

"Why?" I muttered, "Yeah, he's human, but I don't know him. All I remember of him last time, was us fighting all the time. I don't want that. I'm kind of tired of fighting with someone."

With a sigh, Carlisle nodded.

"I'm sure he'll understand."

"I really hope so." I whined, sitting down, "Can't I just run away?"

"That reminds me." Jasper spoke up. I winced, but had a feeling this was coming.

"Yeah." I mumbled. It was quiet for several moments, until I finally spoke again, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" He asked.

"I was going to." I admitted, "I really was gonna run away, because I thought you were sending me to someone else, but I saw Esme."

"You saw for yourself that we weren't lying to you." He added, and I nodded a little. I had seen for myself, but I had to wonder. What would have happened had I not seen for myself?

"I'm glad I went with her." I mumbled, "I'm glad I didn't run off, because that's where I remembered everything."

"How did you finally remember?" Alice asked, and I could tell she'd been wanting to know that for awhile now. I didn't mind her asking about this now. It distracted me from what was about to happen.

"I don't know." I sighed, "I just.. I'm not sure how to explain it right. I just stopped trying so hard, I guess. I usually think a lot. I've always been that way, and sometimes my mind has trouble slowing down, but yesterday, I stopped trying to slow it down." She nodded, seeming to understand, "I let it think what it wanted to think, and it gave me that. It wasn't easy, though, so I can't just do that all the time, but I'm not complaining."

"And you said this all happened before?" She asked, "Exactly the same?"

"I guess so." I replied, "But it wasn't exactly the same. It was a little different. I was dropped off somewhere while everyone else left. That was where I first figured it out."

"Maybe it has something to do with the timing in the vision?" She suggested, "You figured it out on your own last time, so you recalled it this time."

"Maybe." I allowed with a shrug, "But I had help last time. Carlisle wouldn't explain it until after. He did give me a hint, though, and that's what made me figure it out." I sighed, smoothing a wrinkle from my sleeve, "I guess I just need to start listening to myself now."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"It's just a feeling," I answered, "But I can tell when I should or shouldn't do something. Like.. Yesterday, I had a feeling that I needed to stop and look again. I did, and I saw Esme. I wasn't going anywhere after that."

"The question is, where would you have ended up had you kept going?" She pointed out.

"Exactly." I mumbled, "I was going to go back to Sappho. Just long enough to get some clothes. After that, I don't know."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't." She sighed, "Do you know how hard it'd have been to find you?"

"I knew that." I replied, "That's why I was going to do it."

"So, shorty." Emmett spoke up, "You excited?"

"No." I muttered bitterly, "I'd rather go hide somewhere."

"Why?" He asked, "It's your dad. I'm kinda looking forward to meeting him."

"Why?" I asked in return, frowning.

"I guess I'm just not as against him as you are." He replied.

"As far as I care, he's just as worthless as my mom is." I grumbled, "I don't even really remember him."

"I'm sure there are circumstances you're not considering here, Leandra." Alice added, and I shrugged a little, "Parts of the situation that you don't know. For example, your mother. Something had to have gone wrong."

"I don't need to know everything to know that she's worthless." I pointed out, "I hate her so much for what she did."

"What do you hate her for, Leandra?" Jasper asked, slowly sitting down, "This much anger isn't good for you to hold onto."

"I hate her for ignoring me." I answered, "It's her fault I grew up how I did."

"It's true." He said, "She does hold a lot of the blame, but you're resting it all on her, and that's not how it should be. It's only natural for you to be angry, Leandra, but there are so many other factors that you're not taking into consideration."

"Like what?"

"You've been wronged for so long, it's hard to figure out which way to blame." He explained calmly, "There's your father, of course, for leaving you. He never should have done that, but somehow, I sense it wasn't entirely his choice."

"How could it not be his choice?"

"You've met Jack before." He said, "You tell me." I never even thought of it like that before. Jack always got what he wanted. Usually without much effort on his part.

"And your mother." Jasper continued, sighing, "I can't speak for her, as I don't know her, but it sounds to me like leaving was never her idea." I frowned a little.

"The day she left was the day Alice saw her." I explained quietly, "Before school. When I got home, she was gone."

"Maybe she had to leave in a hurry, Leandra." Jasper offered, "Maybe it was the one chance she had, and she didn't have a chance to wait for you to get home. Maybe she thought that by leaving, she would be doing you a favor."

I shrugged again, "I don't know how that could happen, but then again, I never know what she could be thinking."

"Do you remember what it was like for you?" He asked, and I looked up, "When you had to leave in a hurry?"

"I won't ever forget what that was like." I mumbled, shaking my head a little.

"What if she was just as scared?" I couldn't reply to that, "Would that not matter?"

I thought about how to answer. Pursing my lips for a moment. I couldn't, so I just looked up. Hoping he could understand how I felt just by looking at me. The reasons didn't matter to me. I didn't care about why she did it. I only cared about the fact that she did it at all. That's all that mattered to me.

"She left me a long time ago." I grumbled bitterly, rubbing my arm insecurely.

"So," He said, "You're saying that if she was ever found, you'd not want to see her?"

"Never." I murmured, shaking my head, "She made her choice. It's not my job to forgive her. I don't know where she's gone, but I don't care. I hope she stays there."

I was stuck. This was one subject that would lead me around in circles. Always bringing me back to that one single emotion. That one split second when I decided I hated her so much.

I was sorry for it, but that didn't change how I felt.

"And your father?" Carlisle asked after a moment, "What about him?"

"What about him?" I asked in return, "He made his choice, too."

"Was he there?" Jasper asked, "Before?" He meant in the vision.

"Yes." I mumbled, "He was there."

"What can you tell me about him?"

"He's got a new wife." I murmured, "A new daughter. He lives far away, and if I don't change his mind, he'll want to take me."

"And that's a problem for you?" Carlisle asked, I nodded immediately, "Why?"

"I hate him too." I admitted, "I hate him just as much. I won't go. I want to stay here."

"You see our dilemma." He murmured, "Because he's your biological father, we have no grounds to prevent that."

"Then.." I mumbled, "I'll just have to convince my dad to give me up. I hate him. I won't go with him."

"I'm glad you suggested that." Carlisle nodded. He spoke quietly, "It directly depends on how this meeting goes. Do you understand?" How would I do this? Convincing him to let me stay seemed so impossible to me.

Just as he finished speaking, a knock at the front door caught his attention. The second I heard that, I stood up, and rounded the table to Carlisle's side. Between him and Esme, before she started forward.

I was scared now. I really didn't want to see him. I didn't want to hurt him, but I would. I hated him so much, just like I hated my mom. I blamed him, and nothing would ever change that.

Also just like with her, I didn't care what his reasons were. The only excusable explanation for leaving me behind like he did, was death. If he'd died, then I'd understand. Everything else, was just an excuse. Excuses he was hiding behind.

Carlisle sighed, lifting me. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, just like I always remembered doing. Before, in the vision. It comforted me slightly to do this, not letting go. Jasper stayed beside us, his eyes on me.

I didn't want to see my dad, so I closed my eyes. Keeping them closed, holding tighter.

"She's a little shaken up." Carlisle explained away my behavior.

"I hope you understand why we're here?" Someone else's voice took my attention. I didn't recognize his voice, so I slowly turned around. Curiously gazing over at the man standing back. He must have been from the state, given the folders in his hand, and the way he watched both my dad, and me closely.

Esme stood beside this new man, watching us as well. I purposefully avoided looking at the man to his other side. Somehow looking at him would make him real. Hiding again briefly. I didn't want to see him.

"Completely." Carlisle replied, "It's just a little hard for her."

"Of course." The new man replied gently, "I can't say I blame her much."

It took me a minute, nobody rushing me. I couldn't help the few tears that managed to well in my eyes, grateful for the way they didn't fall. Crying, to me, showed weakness. I hated doing that.

"Just give a look, shorty." Emmett offered, and though I hesitated, I had to take his advice.

With that, I hesitantly looked at my dad.

I met his eyes, and I recognized myself. I looked just like him, which was surprising to see. Even with the way I remembered him from the vision. Not actually seeing him for over six years, hardly remembering him from so long ago was still a difficult thing to get over now.

I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I just felt the emotion. Honestly, I didn't know what to feel. This was my father. I wouldn't be alive it weren't for him. That was both a strange thought, and also a very irritating one. He was the one that was supposed to be raising me. Not Jack. He was the one that was supposed to have been there, but he split. He ran away!

My whole life I'd imagined what this would be like, actually seeing him in front of me. I'd imagined, went over and over what I would say to him. What I would do. Now that he was actually here, I couldn't do a thing.

Hesitantly, I looked to Carlisle.

"I don't know." I admitted in a whimper, shaking my head.

"It's okay." He assured me, "Take your time."

The same pressure, the same resentment and bitterness I'd always felt toward my mom now take hold on the man across the room.

"Leandra." He spoke, seeming hesitant as well, but he laughed, "Look at you." I heard his voice, and it was familiar. Just like with everybody else in that vision now, I knew him. I knew him, and I didn't want to hurt him. I squeezed my eyes shut, hating the hurt I felt at just the sound of his voice.

I didn't say anything in return, carefully letting myself fall to my feet. The second I landed, he kneeled down. What was I supposed to say to him?

He seemed amazed, just looking at me.

"You've grown so much." He spoke again.

"That's what happens when you don't see somebody." I mumbled before I could stop myself.

"I know." He replied, his expression softened, "Believe me, I know. I would have been right there if I'd have been able to."

I shook my head, looking down. He was going to give me some excuse about his divorce with my mother, but that didn't explain anything about why he wasn't there.

This was so hard.

"You weren't there." I shook my head again, "Not once."

"I'm not surprised you don't remember." He replied, his tone quiet, "I'll be honest. I don't quite know what to say to you, or even how to begin fixing it, but I'm willing to try." Like that helped.

"Come on, shorty." Emmett offered when I stayed quiet, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't say anything to help him. I didn't want to. I was glad he suffered.

"I loved you." My dad told me, "Your entire life."

"Then why weren't you there?" I couldn't fix my sharp tone, "That doesn't mean anything to me."

"I know it doesn't." He replied, quicker now in response to my emotion, "I know. If I could have taken you with me, I would have. In a heartbeat, but-"

"Why'd you leave me there?" I demanded quietly, "You should have done something. You should have come back, but you didn't. You never did."

"I wanted to." He told me, "God, you have no idea how much, but I couldn't."

"You keep saying that, but why?" I mumbled, "Why?"

"I was so stupid." He sighed, shaking his head, "I messed up, Leandra. I was young, impulsive, and because of that, I lost you. For good. Without your mom agreeing to let me see you, there was nothing I could do. You were hers."

"I was Jack's." I argued, "I was never hers. She didn't want me either." Across the room, Alice looked down. I tried so hard to fix my tone, knowing it probably bothered them to hear me this bitter. I took a breath, "What'd you do?"

"I.. It really doesn't matter." He sighed, "What matters is that I've loved you your entire life. Can't you remember anything at all?"

"No." I shook my head, "The only one I remember ever being there is Jack. I don't remember you at all."

That was a lie. There were faint bits, things I swore were just a dream until today. I used to think the things I did remember were bits of wishful thinking that had come to me in my endless hours alone, but I knew better now.

He looked down, probably sad about that, but I wouldn't try to ease him.

"And it does matter." I muttered. The entire time I'd known him before, I never asked him why he had to leave me. What had he done so bad that he wasn't allowed to see me? "What did you do?"

He took a breath, "From the start, I didn't like Jack. The moment I met him, I knew something was off about him." I waited, listening close as he continued, "When I found out your mom had moved him in with you, I was.. Pretty upset. All I wanted was to give her time to see that he wasn't who he said he was. Without letting you wander in the way of that.

"She was old enough to make her own choices. I knew that, but I didn't want you to face the consequences of those choices right along with her. So, essentially, I kidnapped you."

I blinked in surprise. That was news to me, which I really hadn't expected to happen.

"You were two." He continued, "Well, two and a half. I had an opportunity to take you from her, and I just.. Wasn't thinking about later. I just wanted to get you as far away from him as possible. Your mom wasn't listening, too wrapped up in revenge against me for doing what I'd done, and was punishing me through you." He paused, "But I won't get into that right now."

"So.." I mumbled, "You did try."

"I tried." He confirmed with a nod, "I kept you for about three days. When I didn't bring you back on time, your mom caught on, and well.. It didn't take long to find me. I wasn't trying to run. I was trying to keep you safe, but all anybody ever saw was me taking you from your mother." He paused for another deep breath, "But, in the end, that's what cost me you. Without Gina's say-so, I wasn't allowed to see you. I sent letters, cards. Most were returned, some probably thrown away."

I looked down. It was my turn to feel bad.

"If I had shown up before she told me I could, it'd have been jail time." He continued, softer now, "And with a family to take care of, I couldn't do that to them. A few times, believe me, I was tempted. I knew something was wrong."

"Why don't I remember that?"

"Something must have happened." He reasoned, "Bad enough to make you forget most of that time. I wouldn't doubt it, with what's-his-face raising you, but I swear, I was there. For as long as I could be, I was there."

Alice did have a point earlier. There was a lot to this I didn't know before. Things I didn't understand. It confused me, like I couldn't understand it. Would my mom really use me to get back at him? I didn't know. For as long as I could remember, I'd never heard her talk about my dad. It was always Jack telling me how much he never wanted me.

"But I'm seeing now." He murmured when I stayed quiet, "Had I come back to find you, it'd have been jail time anyway." I understood what he wasn't saying. Yet, after confessing all this, he still blamed himself?

"But you didn't."

"Stupidly," He replied, "I forced myself to believe that you'd be better off without that kind of thing in your life. You were too young to understand why I had to leave you, and as the years passed by, I couldn't make myself go back and start all that up again. I forced myself to believe that you were okay. I had no other choice."

"He told me you didn't want me." I hated admitting that.

"God, no." His expression fell, his tone softening in sadness, "I'd have given anything to have you with me. To know for sure that you were safe."

No matter how bad I wanted to fix it for him, I had to think about what I wanted. I didn't want to risk going anywhere with him. Not knowing what had happened last time. This time, I wanted to stay right where I was. He was my father, but understanding his side of things didn't change my mind about where I wanted to be.

I shook my head.

"Let me fix it." He plead with me now? "Let me fix it."

"Why should I?" I asked quietly, "What do I owe you?"

"Not a thing." He replied, "You don't owe me anything. I know that, but.. I.. Well, I know you'll be happy with me. Not stuck with strangers."

"You're more of a stranger to me than they are." Which was true. I crossed my arms, turning to slowly pace away, "I like it here."

He stayed quiet for a moment, probably watching me. Nobody said anything now, despite how full the room was. I found myself at Alice's side, which was right where I wanted to be.

"You're comfortable here?" My dad asked, taking my attention again. I turned to face him again. By his tone, I knew he was swayed.

"More than I've ever been." My voice hardly made a sound.

"I'll make you a deal." He said, which caught my attention, "I'll.. Let you stay here, if that's what you really want."

"More than anything." I admitted to him.

"All that I ask, is that you let me stay in your life." He added, "As much as I can be."

"That's it?" I asked, "That's all you ask?"

"That's all." He confirmed, "Leandra, baby, I just want you to be happy. I owe you that much, at least. If here is where you're happiest, then I won't try to take that from you, okay?" I didn't know what to say to that, "If they're willing to keep you, I'll let them."

"Of course we are." Esme offered from the side, and he glanced to her with a slight nod. He looked to me again.

"I knew coming here would be tricky." He sighed, "I knew coming here, that there was a good chance that something like this would happen. I knew it'd be difficult, but I think after everything, you should be allowed to choose where you stay. I just wanted you to know that no matter what, I'd be here for you. Now that I'm allowed to, I can be here for you."

"Thank you." I appreciated that more than he knew.

"I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do." He told me, "And that includes leaving here. You want to stay here, so here is where you'll stay." I took a deep breath, calming myself down. I didn't have to be so tense anymore now that he'd told me that. I nodded a little.

"Can I ask one more thing?" He asked, and I waited, "Can I hug you?" He threw in a sad laugh at that request, and I didn't exactly see too much harm in it, so I hesitantly moved forward. My dad or not, familiar or not, I was still wary.

I made it to him, and he wasted no time in pulling me into his arms and hugging me gently. I grew nervous as he added more pressure against my back.

"Be careful." I requested, and he settled for the pressure he had. It did take me a moment, but I eventually returned it. Wrapping my arms around his neck. I ignored the fact that I knew he was crying, but definitely noted it, because I was too.

Now that I knew he never really intended to take me, I could let myself calm down, and appreciate the moment for what it was. I was sure he counted on that.

He let me pull back, just enough to look closer at him. Briefly, he reached up and gently cleared a tear from my cheek.

"You're so big." He chuckled sadly, holding my hands in his, "I can't get over it." All I'd heard so far was how small I was. This was a pretty welcome change. I couldn't resist hugging him again.

"I'd have given anything to be there, Leandra." He murmured, returning my hug. I couldn't hide the way that hurt even more. Squeezing my eyes shut as my tears fell faster. He had no idea what I'd have given for him to have been there too. The hurt didn't go away just because he was there now.

"I know." He assured me. He must have felt the same way. With a quiet sigh, he stood up, lifting me with him. It was probably uncomfortable kneeling that long.

Each quiet sob I gave shook me, which didn't even seem to bother him. I couldn't stop them any more than I could stop breathing. It was just something that needed to happen. To know he tried for me, it changed quite a bit of the resentment and bitterness I felt toward him, but it didn't change where I knew I wanted to be.

I had to remember that I was staying here for his safety as much as my happiness.

Once again, nobody said anything. Nobody tried talking me into going with him anyway, as I was sure they knew where I was right then. I did want to stay there, but I couldn't deny that I was glad my dad would stay in my life. I could get to know him. I could be safe here while he got to know me.

I sat back in his arms again, looking at him. Just to look at him like I'd wanted to my entire life.

"I will be here." He told me, sincerity in each word, "No matter what. If you change your mind, I'll be here."

"I don't think I will." I warned quietly.

"Then that's your choice, but either way, I'll be here." He replied, "I'm not messing up this opportunity by making you do anything you don't want to do. I'll fill out whatever forms I need to fill out, and I'll sign whatever I need to sign if it means you can stay where you want to stay."

"Why?" I asked, unable to help it.

"Well, you're old enough to know where you want to be." He explained, "You don't know me, and I have a feeling I'll need a chance to figure out who you are if you're ever going to give me a real chance. I won't pretend to know who you are when I've been gone for so long. That wouldn't be the brightest way to go about this." I shook my head, agreeing with him, "You seem to have made yourself a place here, and that's okay. I'm not here to take that from you or destroy that. This way, there's no pressure to make it work."

I nodded a little, understanding that more than I was sure he knew.

"I hate her." I sniffled, and I knew he heard the hatred in my voice. He understood immediately who I was talking about.

"I'm sure she thought she was doing the right thing." He replied, shaking his head, "At the time, I'm sure of it. She loved you just as much as I did, and the thought of losing you was too much for her."

"I don't buy it." I mumbled, "She never wanted me."

"She did want you." He corrected instantly, "She did. She loved you more than I can even begin to describe."

"Then why'd she leave me?" I asked.

"I can't answer that." He sighed, "I don't know what happened, or what went wrong, but I can tell you this." He hesitated, pausing, "Gina.. She was someone amazing. She fought for what she wanted, and you were no different."

"Right." I sighed, looking down.

"Believe me." He murmured.

"I'd remember that." I argued, "She never tried. Not once."

"You might have been too young." He repeated, "A lot happens before you're old enough to remember it, baby. You don't remember me, and I was there until you were almost three." He had a point, but I didn't want to admit that.

"Everything that went wrong was my fault." He told me, "If I hadn't done what I did, if I wasn't so stupid, things would have turned out a lot different."

"Don't say that." I muttered, looking down.

"It's true." He replied, "I'm not trying to blame anyone else, though I'm pretty positive Jack had a whole lot to do with how wrong things went, but I played my part too. I'm not innocent in all this, but.." He adjusted me, holding me in one arm while the other smoothed my cheek, "You are. Things were.. Complicated back then, and I don't know how to explain everything to you in a way you'd understand, but no matter what happened, you are never allowed to blame yourself."

How did he know what to say? The warmth of his hand felt different to me, but nice. However nice it felt, it didn't take away from the firmness of what he was telling me.

"Okay?" He murmured, "I might not understand completely yet just what he put you through, but that doesn't matter. You were never supposed to be there." I sniffled quietly to myself, keeping my eyes down, "It's not your fault, Leandra. Never once was it your fault. Your mother and I.. I made some choices that I'm not proud of, and I'm sure she feels the same way.

"She loved you, Leandra. She did. I can tell you that for sure. I don't know where she is, and I doubt she'd contact me at all after all these years, but I can tell you that she loved you so much."

I knew he had to be looking at the left-over bruise across my cheek. It had faded quite a bit in the last few days, but not enough to not be noticeable. He never commented on it, though, which I was grateful for.

"Is this okay?" He bounced me a little in his arm, and I knew he meant holding me.

"It's okay." I nodded a little, and he smiled, "I'm getting used to it."

"I'm glad you're not too big to be held." He told me, "But I'd have still picked you up." I smiled slightly at his tone. It was funny.

"How are you feeling, Leandra?" Carlisle asked quietly in the slight silence that followed. I took a breath, assessing myself. He probably meant physically, since Jasper could tell all I felt emotionally.

"I'm okay for now." I answered, looking to him.

"Is it bad?" My dad asked, and I hesitated, looking down again. I didn't want to admit to him how bad it really was.

"It was among one of the worst cases I'd ever seen." Carlisle answered for me.

"It's gotten a little better." I offered, hoping that made it easier. For some reason, I didn't want him to feel too bad. Now that I knew it wasn't his fault.

"That bad, huh?" That helped. He wasn't mad, but I knew that didn't help ease him. He was still curious and worried. I'd have to show him for him to get it. I wasn't sure about doing that just yet. Even if he did have a right to know.

"It.." Alice tried, "It's still pretty bad. We're just helping her through the healing phase now." He nodded to her, appreciative.

"But she'll be okay, right?"

"She'll be alright." Carlisle replied, "As far as I can tell, there is no lasting damage." My dad winced a little at that word, as I did too. There was a heavy pause.

"Can you show me?" He finally asked me, and I bit my lip.

"Don't get mad?" It was a request.

"Why would I get mad?" He asked, and I took a breath. Carefully falling to my feet, he released me. I looked up at him briefly before turning my back to him. Raising my shirt carefully over my back, I could tell the second he clearly saw it. I heard as he kneeled behind me, his knees quietly hitting the carpet.

I stood there, my eyes down as he got his look. I knew the shame I felt was the reason he told me not to blame myself, but it would take more than that to fix it.

"Good God." He finally gasped, and I closed my eyes at the pain in his tone. I hadn't even considered him finding pain at the sight. I was more concerned at him finding anger, but the pain was something I hadn't expected.

"Jack did this?"

"All of it." I sighed, "But that's nothing new." I turned to face him, surprised at the tears I found in his eyes. Once again, I hadn't been expecting the way seeing those tears would make me feel. It bothered me that he felt pain. I held my shirt over my stomach now, balled at the bottom in my hand. Over my stomach was the same bruising, maybe a little less intense because I could protect that spot better than my back. He got the idea, though. It was everywhere.

"It's gotten better." I offered, "It doesn't hurt as much anymore." A lie, but if it helped him, I'd feel better. I finally allowed my shirt to fall, and he moved his gaze to meet mine.

I whimpered in surprise as he suddenly hugged me again. Carefully, of course, keeping most of the pressure gentle around my back, but it was meaningful.

"I'll kill him." He grumbled, and I immediately shook my head. He meant it.

"Don't." I murmured, pulling back again, "Don't even say that. You said you wouldn't get mad."

"I'm not mad at you." He assured me, "But-"

"I meant don't get mad at all." I muttered, "I guess I should have mentioned that part."

"How can I not get mad?" He asked, "Leandra, I don't think you understand." He was right about that, at least. Puzzled, I frowned a little. What wasn't I understanding?

"You're my baby girl. That means that I love you more than my own life. More than anything, no matter what. Distance couldn't change that. I could have been on the moon, and I would have still loved you this much. To find out anyone hurt you like that, well.. It changes the rules a little bit."

If he really cared about me this much, then what exactly happened to make him leave me? He had no choice in that, I knew that much, but how did it get this way? I wanted to know.

"What happened?" I had to ask. I needed to know, "With mom?"

He hesitated, looking down for a moment.

"I was young back then." He sighed, "And pretty stupid. Taking you wasn't my first mistake."

"What happened?" I asked again. That didn't answer my question.

"Leandra." Esme spoke up, and I looked to her, "Maybe that question should be saved for another time."

"No." My dad murmured, "She does deserve to know. It's okay." He sighed again, standing up. He sat down on the couch as I leaned against the armrest beside him, watching his expression carefully.

"Your mom and I were married for about five years." He finally told me, "Give or take. Not very long." I nodded a little, "You came along about year three, and as much as we both loved you, there was only so much you could do to hold us together."

That made sense.

"You were about the only thing we had in common anymore." He continued, "Neither of us were happy where we were, so I took the steps needed to change things." I looked down. So he was the one to leave her? I was confused.

"I never, ever imagined she'd bring Jack into your lives so quickly." He added. I suddenly really wished I could somehow go back and see exactly where it went wrong. Just so I could somehow see whose fault it really was, but I immediately pushed that thought aside.

"And she wanted to get back at you for that?" I asked, "For whatever you did?"

"In a sense," He allowed, "I can't blame her. What I did probably wasn't the best way to go about things, but it was effective enough. Your mom didn't see it that way."

"Oh." I mumbled. I didn't know exactly what he meant by that. I had a feeling that was as much of an explanation as I was going to get, but I found I'd bloomed more questions than I'd gotten answers for.

I hesitated, "And Jack?" How the fuck did all that happen? If my dad was the one to leave my mom, like I assumed, how did Jack really get mixed up in all that?

"Jack.." He sighed, "Is a very sore subject for me. Even more so now. I know where I went wrong, but that doesn't fix anything now."

I waited, not quite understanding. Seeing that, he sighed.

"I worked a lot back then." He explained, "But I didn't work on what I should have worked on, and that was you and your mom. He found an open spot where I should have been." Well, that did explain it. He continued, "Now, that's not to say that your mom wasn't smart about it. I know now that if I hadn't done what I'd done, she never would have made him someone permanent. She cared about you too much."

Smart about it? How the hell could she have been?

"Heather says he met mom at a park." I prompted.

"Now, there's a name I haven't heard in awhile." He seemed amused, chuckling a little. Oddly, it surprised me that he actually did know her. He nodded a little, "Yeah. That's where they met the first time. I guess after that, they just kept seeing each other." I nodded this time, "I can almost guarantee you, though, that he had her under piles of false impressions. That's the only explanation. There's no way he could have gotten passed her otherwise."

This wasn't making any sense to me. Seeing my confusion, he smiled sadly.

"Your mom wasn't stupid." He admitted to me, "She was confused, and probably worried. I haven't spoken to her since the last time I saw you, and everything I've heard about her.. Well, it confuses me too, kid. It definitely does not sound like the Gina I knew."

I didn't know what to say to that. He might have known my mother to be capable of being someone different, but I sure didn't. She was the only mother I knew.

"You still know Heather?" He asked me, I accepted this subject change gratefully.

"Not until recently." I mumbled, "Long story there."

"Hey, I told you mine." He reasoned, and I smiled again, "Come on." He gently pinched my side, and I laughed a little, stepping away from his tickling. I didn't even know I was ticklish there. I wasn't used to being tickled at all.

"I met her in California." I admitted, and he seemed surprised.

"Why there?" He asked.

"Jack took me there." I replied, "I met the boys there too."

"Zack and Josh." He chuckled and I nodded, smiling a little as well, "She ever have any more?"

"Nope." I said, "Just them."

"I'm surprised she never had any more." He mused, "She loves kids so much. How are they?"

"They still live here." I told him, "She probably doesn't like you much, though."

"No doubt." He chuckled, "She's probably just as lost about everything as you were." He paused, "If they still live here, how did you meet them in California?"

My slight smile faded.

"Another long story." I mumbled, looking down. I really didn't want to get into that. I really didn't need that reminder right then.

"I mean, I know Jack is her brother, but why all the way over there?" He seemed honestly confused.

"Jack's father lives there." Esme offered, and that explained more than I could at the moment.

"Oh, that's comforting." My dad seemed to understand. Enough to get why I didn't want to talk about it much, "I'm going to assume that he's not that great of a person."

"You'd be right." I mumbled, and he sighed.

"Well," He murmured, "At least you got to meet Heather. She's a good person. I know that much." That helped, too.

"Yeah." I agreed with him, "She is."

"She was quite smitten with you." He chuckled, "It always made her day the way you'd boss her boys around before you could talk." I laughed a little again, just picturing that. It couldn't have been more different now. If anything, they could boss me around.

"It's not like that now." I sighed, shaking my head a little.

"You'll get it back." He assured me.

"Leandra?" Alice spoke up, and I looked back at her, "A word?" For a moment there, I'd almost forgotten about how crowded the room still was.

I hesitated, looking to my dad again. He realized what I was doing, "Yeah, go for it. I'll be here." I nodded a little before turning. I followed Alice from the room, off toward the kitchen, and to my surprise, Jasper followed both of us.

I faced Alice, a little confused. Had I been asking too many questions again? That was something I hadn't gotten into trouble for in awhile. She sighed, glancing to Jasper briefly before turning her eyes back to me.

"Leandra," She started again, "Are you sure this is what you want? Staying here, I mean."

"I'm sure." I replied, still confused, "I want to stay here."

"Maybe it'd be good for you for you to go with him." She reasoned, and I frowned, so she continued, "All I'm saying, is to think carefully. Maybe you should. Just give it a try, you know?"

"He's sincere, Leandra." Jasper added quietly, "He means everything he tells you."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I'll be okay if he takes me." I muttered, "I want to stay here."

"Are you sure?" Alice asked again, "I mean, one hundred percent positive? Because I really think you should reconsider. You'd still have us."

"I'm sure." I repeated, "He doesn't know me like you guys do. I'd probably screw everything up for him and his family, and I don't want to do that."

"Leandra, you are his family." Alice reminded me.

"I.." I sighed, "Not as much as they are. Yeah, I get along with him, but that's because I'm here. Everything would change if he took me. I know it."

She hesitated, looking to Jasper again.

"Alright." She murmured, "If you're sure." I nodded a little, and she sighed. Placing her arm around my shoulders.

The rest of the visit went about the same way. I was actually surprised I could be anywhere near him without wanting to hurt him, but I was sure finally understanding his reason helped that a lot.

He didn't pressure me to go with him, not even bringing it up again. I'd given him my opinion and he was listening to it. I learned things about him I hadn't learned in the vision. He was a calm person, very easy to like.

But the time I spent with him never got easier. It bothered me in a way I couldn't describe. It hurt me, like an echoing ache of the way I felt my entire life. Seeing him now was so hard, because I could easily remember how often I'd think about and wish for this moment.

I'd needed him, and despite the way I knew now that it wasn't his fault that he wasn't there, I worried I'd never get over it. It was hard to move passed it. Anything that happened now wouldn't fix that.

I knew I was making the right choice, because if I ever had too much of the hurt, I'd turn around and take it out on him.

When he finally did have to leave, once more, I wasn't sure how to feel. The room had mostly cleared, giving me a moment mostly alone with him. I was grateful for that, because I was probably going to cry again, and I could do without everyone seeing that.

I looked up at him, watching closely as he kneeled in front of me.

"I have to admit," He said, "Leaving you now isn't much easier than it was years ago."

"Maybe because I know what it means now." I mumbled, and he smiled sadly.

"You've grown.. So much, baby girl." He held my hands in his, "More beautiful than I ever imagined." He hugged me again, "I'll see you again soon. I promise I'll visit you as soon as I can."

He lived so far away. I didn't know if I believed him, so I had to make this hug last as long as it could. I hugged him tighter.

"You're the strongest person I've ever known, honey." He told me, "Never lose that."

"No promises." Just as I thought, my emotion was announced by my tone. The tears making my voice heavy as a tear escaped down my cheek. Why did it bother me so much? Why did seeing him at all make cry so much?

I stood there on the porch, Esme beside me, watching him leave. I leaned against her side as she offered the embrace, and that helped a little, but not much. I could say that leaving me behind didn't bother him in the least, with how little he showed it, but I knew better. Somehow, I knew. It did bother him.

I had to turn before she did. Heading back into the house. As grateful as I was to be able to stay here, probably because of all I knew about them, it was still hard to watch him leave.

"You did great, Leandra." Jasper offered, and that did help. I nodded a little.

"It helped when he said he'd let me stay." I sighed, sitting down.

"He saw here was where you were comfortable." He explained, "He didn't want to take that from you by making you leave with him. No matter how much it bothered him to leave you."

"Now I know why I hate my mom so much." I shrugged, "So that's a good thing, I guess."

"You know one side." He reminded me, "You don't know her side. You don't know what made her decide to do what she did."

"I don't care." I muttered, looking down at my hands, "He might not blame her, but I do. If it weren't for her, nothing would have happened to me. I hate her."

"I wouldn't assume, Leandra." Alice murmured, and I shrugged.

Needless to say, I was restless that night. I couldn't shut my mind up long enough to sleep, despite how busy of a day I'd had.

It had been emotional, but very productive. I almost couldn't believe I'd gotten through it, or that much stuff had managed to fit in one day. The conversation with Carlisle was one of the bigger things, which I was glad I got through. I did feel much better about that.

I didn't quite have everything the way it used to be, but I still had time for that. I had lots of time, and for now, I could live with the way things were. I wasn't scared anymore, and I could settle down now. Now that I understood, and remembered all the things I needed to remember, I could ease myself into being here.

It also helped that they seemed serious about keeping me. I couldn't help believing that it was about more than just what I remembered. I just knew that somehow, it was about more than my ability. This was just the start, and I made myself agree that no matter what, I had to remember this.

This feeling, this contentment I felt. No matter what came next, I had to remember this.

With a sigh, I rolled over to my other side. Staring at the bar of dim light coming from under my door. I knew what I remembered, but I was still trying to understand everything about what I remembered was supposed to mean.

It seemed to me like, because of what I finally remembered, I'd lived too long compared to where I was. It wasn't exactly tiring, because I was wide awake, but it was an exhaustion I felt in my mind.

After an hour more passed, and I wasn't any closer to falling asleep, I sat myself up. Maybe it was the fact that I now knew nobody else slept? Some psychosomatic reaction caused by the knowledge that everyone else in the house was awake, making it impossible for me to sleep either?

Whatever the case was, I wasn't going to sleep, so I scooted off the bed, and left the room. I blinked a few times in the brightness of even the dim hallway light, giving a look around myself.

"What are you doing up, shorty?" Emmett had spotted me, and looking over, I realized he and Jasper were the only ones in the living room. Normally, I would have turned right around and gone back into my room, but now, I was pretty comfortable with joining them.

"Couldn't sleep." I mumbled, heading into the living room. My bare feet not making a sound on the soft carpet before I scooted up onto the free spot on the couch.

"You okay?" He asked, and I sighed. Shrugging a little.

"I think too much." I admitted.

"Well, it was a pretty busy day for you." Emmett reasoned, his eyes back on the TV, "Sleeping could have gone either way. Either you can't sleep at all, or you pass out."

"My mind's too busy to sleep." I muttered, "So I came out here."

"Thinking about your dad?" Emmett asked, and I sighed again.

"Now I am." I looked down, staring at my feet.

"What's bothering you about it?" Jasper asked, speaking up for the first time.

"Everything, I think." I admitted, "No matter how hard I try, I can't figure out why my mom would do that. It wasn't fair. To him, or to me." I leaned back carefully, "I hope I never see her again."

"And your dad?" Emmett asked, "Didn't you say the same thing about him?"

"That's different." I shook my head, "I didn't know-"

"Exactly." Jasper murmured, "You didn't know. You still don't know your mother's reasons." I didn't bother arguing with that. Pursing my lips a little, looking to the TV instead.

"It's one thing to be angry with your mother." Jasper continued, "Just don't assume."

I shrugged as an answer.

The truth was, I didn't care. I didn't care what her reasons were. I didn't care about why she did what she did. I just didn't. I'd put up with enough of her for the last several years, my earliest memories being of the chore of taking care of her, and I found it hard now to care.

All that mattered to me was the fact that by doing what she'd done, forcing my dad to stay away from me, she'd essentially ruined my life. Knowing that could only make it harder to care.

I wasn't sure how to go about explaining that, so I glanced over at Jasper, letting my expression answer for me. His expression softened in response to seeing mine, so I knew he understood.

He knew to drop it. He knew I was no longer up to discussing it. My emotions probably had a lot to do with that, but either way, I was grateful.

"With any luck, she won't have to see her again." Emmett muttered, and that caught my attention.

"Emmett." Jasper corrected him, which seemed weird to me. It was just a comment, and I would have only thought of it as such had Jasper not had to correct him.

"What do you mean?" I asked, sensing that Emmett had meant more than he was letting on.

"Your mom's with him." He answered, and the way he said that, I realized quickly what he meant.

"With Jack?" I had to confirm, and he nodded a little, "How do you know?"

"You inherited your ability from your mother." Jasper explained instead, and I looked over at him, "We know this, because it became quite a bit harder for Alice to see Jack's decisions when he picked up your mother."

"Oh." I mumbled, "Well, he can have her." That bothered me. I wasn't quite sure why, but it bothered me.

"Alice has seen him." Jasper murmured, "But never any specific location yet. So far, he's gone straight east. Sooner or later, though, she'll see."

It was silent for a moment, before I started to catch on.

"That means," I murmured, without looking away from the TV, "With my mom with them, it'll be hard for Alice to see when he changes his mind, and comes back to find me."

"Not a chance." Emmett muttered, "We won't need a heads up to keep him away from you, shorty." I hesitated a second, before looking over at him.

"And what if it's not enough?" I asked, "He's not stupid."

"Trust me." He replied, "He's not getting anywhere near you."

I didn't know how to keep arguing. Emmett seemed so sure, but so was I. Jack might not know where I was yet, but he'd fix that soon. Or maybe he already did know, and just chose not to hunt me down yet. Maybe he was just biding his time, letting it really sink in for awhile.

I just knew that sometime soon, they would find out just how serious Jack was. They couldn't say that I never warned them, because I did. Several times. I wouldn't keep wasting my breath, but I had to admit. I did want to believe Emmett. I wanted to, and I honestly tried, but part of me wouldn't calm down.

Either way, though, I had no choice but to trust him. It was either that, or lose my mind worrying about it. He seemed confident, so I took that as a sign that he had something of an idea about what they were up against.

I was back in bed not long later, determined now to sleep, and I did manage to for a little while, but I would have taken never sleeping again if it meant I wouldn't have woken up the way I did.

I was no stranger to nightmares. My life was full of them, and a lot of the time, I did cry but tonight's seemed a lot worse than anything I'd ever had before. Even with the way I couldn't remember it. My reaction was enough to tell that.

The tears I cried were heavy, nearly suffocating, and I didn't even know why. My breathing raced, panic stealing it. Shaking, terrified where I'd bolted upright in my bed, and it wasn't getting any easier. My throat had closed on itself, making breathing at all impossible, which only made my tears heavier.

I wasn't sitting there alone long, thankfully. Esme had heard me, and had come in. I was too focused on suffocating to give her much of my attention, though. I needed a breath, but it wasn't happening.

This was scary as hell, and I didn't know the first thing to do to help myself.

"Jasper." I did note the worry in Esme's voice beside me, only because it worried me even more.

Almost immediately, my panic eased. It took several more terrifying seconds before I could manage a tiny, audible breath in. Only to sob it out in a desperately confused sort of heartbreak I wasn't expecting to feel. The panic had covered it.

I was lifted a little just as I took another, deeper breath and was settled on Esme's lap. I shook hard, and though her temperature did help mine, it was that that told me I'd broken out into a cold sweat.

I could cry openly now, and though my panic had eased, the tears needed to stay heavy. Esme was talking to me, but I couldn't focus yet. Not yet.

I realized then that I'd had my eyes shut tight the entire time, blinking them open enough to look up at Esme briefly. I wanted her to know that I was grateful for her holding me this way, but I still couldn't speak yet.

Soon enough, though, my sobs slowed too. As they slowed, it got easier to pay more attention to those around me. We weren't the only ones in the room, it seemed, as practically everyone had come to see what the hell was wrong with me.

"Leandra," Jasper took my attention, "What were you dreaming about?"

I didn't want to try speaking yet, so I just shook my head. I didn't have any more of a clue than he had.

"You don't remember?" He asked, and I shook my head again.

"It had to have been something pretty hefty." Emmett muttered.

His observation hadn't been wrong. I knew that much too, as my trembles continued. Nowhere near the degree they had been when I first woke up, but they still came.

I knew it hadn't been a normal nightmare. One, I'd remember it, and two, my reaction wouldn't have been as strong as it was. I knew it wasn't me freaking myself out with the conversation we'd had before bed. That wasn't it.

I just didn't know how to explain that.

It took me a few minutes, sitting there and continuing to calm down, before my panicked thoughts finally slowed their spinning enough for me to make sense of what they were telling me. Focusing enough to realize who the center of my terrified thoughts was. It could only mean one thing.

"He's with them." The words shook quietly with me.

"Who?" Jasper asked.

"Ken." I answered, "He's with them. Jack and my mom."

"She's right." I hadn't really noticed Alice there before, but even she sounded surprised. Hell, I was even surprised that I was right.

"You never mentioned it to anyone?" Jasper asked her.

"I didn't think it was relevant." She replied, "At least not enough to bring up."

So what did this tell me? It could have been residual fear of who Ken was to me, or what I remembered feeling around him, but it was more than that. I could see it. I knew enough to know that Jack wouldn't be found unless he wanted to be found. The way he thought, the precautions he took, Alice's gift wouldn't be enough to get him caught.

He was going east. What was east that he needed to get to?

I attempted to ease myself with thoughts that he was heading east. Away from me for now, so that was a good thing. Now, knowing Ken was with them, I could calm down. Hopefully, Alice would be able to see when he changed directions.

But the others weren't eased.

"If she had a dream," Emmett muttered, looking to Alice, "And it scared her that bad, what did she see that you haven't yet?"

I couldn't answer that, because I didn't know. I looked down, unable to do much else.

With Jasper there, it was impossible to stay worried. I knew he had everything to do with that, otherwise I would still be freaking out. About the third deep breath I took, I started to feel a little better, but I knew better. I had every reason to be worried.

"I think you should try to sleep." Esme told me, and I immediately shook my head. Was she forgetting what happened the last time I slept? How I woke up just moments ago?

I hadn't asked for this gift, or ability, or whatever it was, but I wasn't so fond of it tonight. Whatever it was I had dreamed about made me uneasy. Insecure again, right when I'd started to warm up, despite Jasper's efforts.

The worst part of it all had to be the fact that nobody could help me with it. I was on my own when it came to figuring out what it was. Jasper could help my emotions, and Alice could give me tips, but that was as far as their assistance went. It was up to me to figure it out, and I wasn't even sure I could.

One thing was for sure, though. I was glad I was here, and not off somewhere with my dad. That thought cleared all the rest as I realized.

"I chose right again." I mumbled to the room. Somehow, this confession wasn't a good one to me.

Had I been anywhere near my dad when I woke up like that, he'd probably be just as panicked, and it wouldn't have gone as somewhat smoothly as it did. Who knows what would have happened from there?

Looking to Alice, Jasper beside her, they understood. I was different, and I had to keep that in mind whenever I decided on anything anymore. I was beginning to understand that myself.

I didn't sleep that night. I did try, but something kept my thoughts spinning on their own. I tried the trick of refusing to try to stop them, to just let them go where they wanted to go, but it didn't work this time.

I could feel it. I knew that until I got a hold of this, things would only get harder on me. Things would always get worse before they got better. That was how it worked my entire life, and now was no different.

As for the entire situation with Jack still out there, I didn't know what to think regarding that. With Alice's help, I knew enough to know that he had joined his father, and he had found my mother. How he'd found her, I didn't know, but it only proved how good he was at finding people.

That was what had bothered me about learning that little bit of information. That's what bothered me about learning he'd found her. What I didn't understand before.

It was only a matter of time before he found me too. All I could do until then was hope that Alice could tell when he was coming for me.

All I could do until he came for me was worry.

END

A/N: This chapter was very tough. I can't even specifically say which part was the hardest.
I apologize for the extended wait. I lost many night's sleep working on this, but it's finally here. :D
THANK YOU! To those AMAZING reviewers who left me your thoughts about last chapter! I can't even tell you how much it helps reading everything left for me. :)
As for next story, I have quite a few ideas about where to start off, and I'll be working on that right after this one, so you should see that one sometime soon. I have a feeling there will be quite a few 'extended scenes' and changes in that one, as I'm already seeing a change in her this time around. I'm kind of looking forward to seeing exactly how much her reactions have changed.
Until One, my friends! :D