"How's deciding who's gonna sit at what table going?" Gregory asked Elizabeth. "Any trouble?"
"Yes," Elizabeth admitted. "I still don't know where to put Mom and Aunt Laura."
"That is a problem," Gregory replied. "I mean, it's normal for the bride, groom, and their parents to sit at a table, isn't it?"
"If it is, we're in trouble," Elizabeth replied. "I mean, did you see what Aunt Laura did to Mom's hair?"
"I suppose I should talk to them," Gregory replied. "At whom should my harshest words be directed?"
"Mom," Elizabeth sighed. "I know that Aunt Laura is the one that knows her way around a pair of scissors, but if Mom hadn't been flapping her gums, Aunt Laura wouldn't have done anything."
"I have no doubt," Gregory sighed. "I hate that my sister and my wife fight so much. But that must be a relief for my father: if Katherine is fighting with Laura, it means he's not fighting with Mother, and that can get just as vicious." He paused. "And speaking of your aunt and scissors, she did a lovely job on your hair."
"Well, thank you," Elizabeth replied. "I like the new look too. I went shorter 'cause I thought it would be less maintenance."
"You made a good choice," Gregory said, leaning down to kiss Elizabeth's hair. "And don't worry; I'll talk to your mother."
"Well, thank you, Daddy," Elizabeth replied.
Just then, Charlie came in and nodded at Gregory. "Hello, Uncle Gregory," he said. "Any luck with figuring out to put our mothers?"
"Not yet," Gregory replied. "But I assume you're here to help?"
"Well, yes," Charlie replied. "Of course."
"Good," Gregory replied. "In that case, I think I'll go talk to your mother."
"Good luck," Elizabeth called. "And be sure to protect your head and your crotch, otherwise she'll hurt you."
"Thank you for the advice," Gregory called. "But I think I can handle your mother."
"And what is it you want?" Katherine asked, glaring at Gregory with narrowed eyes, her voice dripping with venom. "Come to yell at me and protect your precious sister?"
"Well, you can't blame me for wishing you had behaved differently," Gregory replied, coming to sit down next to her. She was mad enough that she wouldn't let him embrace her or touch her any other way, and so he just sighed and said, "I'm sorry about what Laura did to your hair, but it'll grow back and be just as beautiful as ever. And what sort of reaction were you expecting when you told her that she was irrelevant in the wedding cause she wasn't the mother of the bride?"
"I thought she would agree with me and I wouldn't have to deal with her the day Elizabeth and Charlie got married," Katherine replied. "Cause really, that's the only sensible solution."
"Or, you could make your daughter happy by behaving yourself at her wedding so she can see both you and her aunt there to support her and Charlie on their big day," Gregory replied. "You may be the mother of the bride, but that doesn't make you more important than anyone else."
"Yes it does!" Katherine replied, feeling offended. "How can you say that?"
"Cause it's true," Gregory replied. "And unless you realize that and can put your enmity for Laura aside for a few hours, I'm not bringing you to the wedding with me. This immature behavior is really starting to bug me. I hate being in the middle and that means whatever is going on between you and Laura has to stop!"
"Fine, whatever," Katherine replied. "But you better make sure someone yells at Laura too, cause I'm not taking the heat for this by myself."
"Fine," Gregory replied. "I will go talk to Elizabeth and Charlie and see what they say."
"Good," Katherine nodded. "I want that whacko with scissors that you call a sister to get what she deserves."
Taking a calming breath, Gregory headed back to Charlie and Elizabeth and said to his daughter, "your mother says she'll behave at your wedding as long as someone goes to talk to Laura about her behavior, cause your mother won't take the fall for this alone."
"Oh, she doesn't have to worry," Elizabeth replied, pushing place cards around. "We were gonna do that tomorrow anyway!"
"Good," Gregory replied. "I'll let her know."
"And also," Elizabeth added as she put the last card in place, "I think if I have you and Edward sitting between Aunt Laura and Mom, things will be able to be relatively civil."
"Sounds wonderful," Gregory replied. "That's probably the best plan of action. You made a good choice."
"I hope so," Elizabeth replied as Charlie gave her hand a squeeze. "I really do."
"Was it really necessary for you to pick a fight with Katherine?" Edward asked Laura as they, Elizabeth, and Charlie sat at the table the next day over lunch.
"Yes…yes it was," Laura replied. "She said I was irrelevant in the wedding party and accused Charlie of getting Elizabeth some cheap ring out of a cracker jack box! Or a cereal box. I can't remember. You can't just expect me to let something like that go, can you? Mom wouldn't accept it, and neither will I!"
"As much as I don't like to admit this, I think you need to make allowances for Katherine," Charlie said.
"What?" Laura's jaw dropped. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Think about how old my mom is," Elizabeth replied. "She's very much set in her ways and not likely to change, which means you have to be the flexible one, no matter how unpleasant that might be for you."
"So I just have to sit there and listen while she insults me and everything I love? That's not fair!"
"Look on the bright side," Edward said in her ear. "If she picks a fight with you and you do nothing, there's no way for anyone but her to get in trouble. And as long as you only laugh internally, you can get enjoyment out of the victory against her."
"I suppose I can do that," Laura sighed and put her arms around Edward. "If you put it that way."
Charlie then leaned over and squeezed Elizabeth's hand. "You think this crisis is averted?" He asked.
"I hope so," Elizabeth replied. "But let's not put our ducks in a row just yet."
"Are you really gonna work on being more kind to Katherine now?" Edward asked Laura that night before bed. "Or did you just say that to get us to stop talking to you about it and think about something else?"
"No, I'm actually gonna do it," Laura replied. "Elizabeth made an excellent point when she said Katherine was old, and if anyone is good at respecting old people, it's me."
"And we're gonna change the subject now," Edward said, putting his glasses on the table and taking off his clothes while Laura watched without blinking. "What subject?" She asked. "I completely forgot."
"Good," Edward replied, kissing her and pushing her back against the mattress as her arms went up around his neck and she let out a cry as he pushed into her.
"Elijah, you have to do something about that son of yours that I married," Katherine huffed at her former paramour/current father-in-law. "He's completely out of control!"
"Well, what has he done?" Elijah asked. "Did he hurt you?"
"No," Katherine shook her head. "He…he…"
"He what, Katherine," Elijah asked.
"He yelled at me, okay!" Katherine cried, not wanting to meet Selina's eyes. But she heard her burst into laughter anyway.
"You came all the way over here to complain to Elijah cause Gregory yelled at you?" Selina asked. "You've been married for like, thirty years. This can't be the first time that's happened."
"It's not, but this is different," Katherine replied. "He told me that if I can't be nice to Laura, I'm not allowed to go to Elizabeth's wedding. He acted like it was my fault entirely when some of it was Laura's."
"She wouldn't do anything to you unless you picked on her first," Selina replied., leaping to defend her daughter. "It's called self-defense."
"Selina, please stay out of this," Elijah said sharply. Now he knew what that headache Gregory had been talking about felt like, and he had no idea who he felt sorrier for: himself, or his son.
"Fine," Selina said and strode off. She was away for an hour or so, and then, when she saw Katherine was still in the kitchen, she decided that her daughter-in-law had overstayed her welcome, so she turned into a wolf and stalked into the kitchen, laying down on the wood floor and watching Katherine intently while Elijah rolled his eyes.
Katherine's eyes had widened as Selina the wolf had entered, and she was very unnerved by the fact that every time she moved, Selina would let out a growl. "She wouldn't bite me, would she?" Katherine asked Elijah, nervousness obvious in her voice.
"Oh, no," Elijah shook his head. "Of course she wouldn't! She knows I don't like it when she does that," he said, grabbing the wolf by its scruff. "Don't you, darling?" The wolf just eyed him with resentment and then Elijah let her go. "You see?" He told Katherine. "You're perfectly safe here."
"Even so, I think I'm gonna go," she said. "Goodbye!"
She left and Selina went to turn herself back, coming into the kitchen with laughter on her lips. "Did you see how terrified Katherine was?" She laughed. "I'm not gonna forget that for a long time!"
"That wasn't very mature of you," Elijah scolded.
"Oh, come on!" Selina shot back. "It wasn't like I was actually gonna bite her! I just wanted her to think I was. It's called psychological warfare."
Elijah raised an eyebrow. "Oh, and is that what your Confederate soldiers used during the Civil War? No wonder you lost!"
"No," Selina replied patiently. "We lost because we were dumb enough to start a war with a part of the country that was able to get supplies a lot easier than we were. It had more to do with that than our battle tactics. Say what you will about Robert E. Lee's politics, but he was a gifted general. He just picked the wrong side."
"So sayeth a proud daughter of the Confederacy," Elijah replied dryly.
"I was only that cause I lived in the Confederacy," Selina answered primly. "My ideals were more Northern, although I couldn't tell Mama that or I'd be in big trouble!"
Just then, the doorbell rang and Selina went to answer it. "Jeffrey?" She said in amazement when she saw him on the other side. "Is that really you? You've grown up nice!"
Jeffrey smiled. "Thank you, ma'am," he said. He was holding a box and straining under the weight of it. "May I come in, please?"
"Oh, of course!" Selina replied. "Can I help you with that box? It looks heavy."
"No, thank you," Jeffrey replied. "I can manage it." He let out a grunt as he put it on the table.
"What is that stuff?" Selina asked, picking stuff out of the box. It was all kids' toys, some she recognized as Ethan's.
"It's all Ethan's stuff I wanna give back to him," Jeffrey replied. "You know, now that he's decided he likes girls and I'm busy with my new friends and all."
"Why don't you like my son?" Elijah asked, feeling offended at the sight of Jeffrey. "He's a wonderful young man."
"He is," Jeffrey nodded. "But I'm at a point where I can't be with him right now. Maybe sometime later. But not now. It's not his fault, it's mine."
"Ethan!" Selina called. "Jeffrey is here with some things."
"Well, that's good," Ethan called as he came down with a box of his own. "Cause here are the things I need to give back to Jeffrey."
"Hi," Jeffrey told him flatly.
"Hi yourself," Ethan replied and plunked the box down. "Here's your stuff. I hope your friends like it as much as I did. I enjoyed it while I had it. Would you mind-would you mind if I kept one thing?"
"Okay," Jeffrey replied. "If I can do the same."
They both took one thing from the boxes they were about to give back, gave each other kisses on the cheek, and then Jeffrey left, feeling too emotional for a goodbye.
"Are you gonna be all right?" Selina asked, trying to stop the tears that were rolling down her eyes so she could comfort her son.
"Yeah, Mom, thanks," Ethan replied. "I'm fine. Ever since I saw him at the bar with those friends of his, I knew this day would come."
"You deserve better than him," Elijah said, coming to sit on his other side. "Anyone who would leave you is out of his mind."
Ethan smiled. "Thanks, Daddy."
"And maybe, since he took that thing of yours, it means he'll come back some day," Selina added. "I think that's what will happen."
"I hope so," Ethan replied, and smiled to himself as both his parents hugged him and he felt like everything was gonna be okay.