Chapter 16: A Dutiful Husband

Disclaimer: Diana Gabaldon owns all rights to Outlander

I was almost finished with the last of my calls when I saw a horse coming toward me. Murtagh pulled up alongside the road, and dismounted. "There ye're, Lass. Jamie is outta his head lookin' for ye."

My ire welled up again. "What do I care? He probably rues the day we wed. After all, I'm a headstrong woman with a sharp tongue. It's no secret that he's ashamed of me."

"Ashamed o' ye? Isna likely. Yer husband was rushin' about the castle, searchin' in ever' nook and cranny, yellin' yer name. The wailin' was loud enough to be heard clear to the Highlands, I expect. His face was red as a beet root when he couldna find ye anawhere. I thought the poor sod was gonna tear his bonny, red hair out."

"What the hell is so upset about? I'm just seeing a few tenants."

"Jamie doesna ken that. He thinks, ye've op and run away agin', he does. He's fairly daft wi' the notion. I've ne'er seen a man so all-consumin', mad-in-love as yer Jamie."

"Bloody idiot. Well, I've got one more lady to see, then I'll return. You can be on your way, Murtagh … and thank you."

Murtagh shook his head, and quietly climbed up onto his horse. I heard him mumble under his breath as he flicked the reins. "Women …"

I opened the door to the cottage, my work done, and closed it behind me. After sitting in the dimly lit room of the small home, I squinted into the rare sunlight, stepping onto the stone path leading to the road. In the distance, dust was billowing in the air, and Trom Laighe was bearing down on me, galloping at break-neck speed.

Jamie pulled back on the reins sharply, bringing the animal to an abrupt halt a few yards away from where I was standing. He sprang from the saddle as if his kilt was on fire, and with arms opened wide, sprinted forward to meet me.

On his face was a look of sheer panic. "Sassenach … God in heaven, I've found ye, at last."

He covered my face with kisses, his arms all the while crushing me against his torso. Words then poured out of the man in a veritable torrent. "I thought … oh god … I thought ye'd left me. Wild I was, searchin' for ye, ever'where, no knowin' what to do if ye'd gone for good. Stars and stones, my heart stuttered, and stopped, it did; seized wi' fear. I was outta my mind, but then Murtagh said he's seen ye on the road. Leastways, I couldna breathe 'til I saw ye wi' my verra own eyes walkin' toward me."

He tightened his hold on my waist, and cried into my neck. "Oh, Claire … Claire … Dinna e'er leave me, unless ye wish me dead."

His eyes were wet with tears. "Can ye forgive me, for bein' such an arrogant fool? I ken how concerned ye were about the safety o' the clan, and instead o' givin' ye my help, I let my stubborn pride stand in the way o' it."

I pushed him away, gently. "How could you think I'd left? It was just a silly argument ... well, maybe not that silly, but still …"

"Aye, but yer last words to me were, I'm leavin'."

I took his face in my hands, looking into those vivid blue eyes. "But I meant I was leaving the castle, surely not my husband."

"Truly?"

"Yes, truly."

"Ah …" He let out a sigh. "Good."

His hands cupped the back of my head, and his mouth was on mine, coaxing, insistent, warm and inviting. Surrender was inevitable. I never could stay mad at him for very long—damn the man. He completed his apology, with a brush of his unshaven cheek against my jaw, then, taking the basket from my curled fingers, murmured, "Come home wi' me, Sassenach. I'll walk wi' ye." Jamie clasped my hand, and whistled for Trom Laighe who obediently ambled toward us. He took the reins, and we all strolled in a leisurely fashion to Leoch.

All eyes were on us when we appeared in the courtyard; eyebrows, I'm sure, raised to the heavens. There was no one in the stable as we led our horse inside, and Jamie took this opportunity to shower me with more of his love, so much so, that he lifted me in his arms, and carried me through the corridors of the castle and up to our room.

"Jamie," I scolded. "Aren't you the least bit concerned that the servants have seen us. They'll all be wagging their tongues this evening."

"Let them," he answered. "Let them ken the mind o' their laird; as he loves his woman, as he should. Dinna fash now, there's no need to be worrit 'bout it."

"But it's the middle of the afternoon …"

"Aye, so?"

He gently released me, and placing me on my feet, began to loosen the fastenings of my corset.

"Wait," I protested. "I thought you had a meeting with Ned and the others shortly."

He continued removing the laces, concentrating on each little eyelet. "They can wait, roamin' the hallways all the day long. I've more urgent business now—here wi' ye, and I'll be damned if I let triflin' papers and documents and such interfere with the concerns of my heart. I love ye, Sassenach, and ye're more important to me that the obligations o' this place. My fealty is first to my wife, and I dinna care a barley corn who says otherwise."

I reached up to meet his lips, and whispered, "Well, when you put it that way."

That afternoon, the loving was rich and tender. Jamie acted as if he had all the time in the world to share his pleasure with me, and my heart was overwhelmed with deep-seated emotion, but I knew this lovely respite would be short-lived. Jamie after all, was the leader of this fortress, and his many responsibilities awaited him.

"You'd better go," I urged him, even though I wished otherwise. "Ned and your clansmen are expecting you."

Still lying naked and sated in each other's arms, Jamie murmured, "Claire, I canna take my leave of ye ... no yet. With all o' this laird duty thrust opon me, I suppose I forgot where my real duty lies. It took yer disappearin' from these stone walls to make me think on my marriage vows agin. I willna set them aside … for, years from now, no a one will ken what I did, nor didna accomplish. But what I've doon here wi'in my own room will be remembered fore'er, and written in the books o' heaven."

He placed my palm upon his breast. "Do ye ken how much I care for ye? 'Tis a chasm as opened into my soul, and yer love poured into it, fillin' in all the wee spaces, so as I'm no just myself, anamore. Ye're inside me, a part o' me, and I canna let ye go. I'd bleed from the missin' of ye if we were to part. Truth be told, I'd have need o' ye to make me whole once more."

I sat part way up, bolstered on an elbow. With my free hand, I trailed the light growth of curly red hair encircling one of his nipples. "You're so forgiving. I'm constantly throwing rebukes in your face, and you turn around and tell me how much I mean to you. It shames me."

My head hung down and I averted my eyes. "I'll try not to be so vindictive in the future, or at least wait to hurl insults at you in the privacy of this room. God … it must be hard on you. You've married a damned shrew."

"And ye've marrit a clot-head."

Chuckling, I leaned over him, bringing his head up to meet mine. "Come here, clot-head. I have need of you."

As I proceeded to plant a kiss, Jamie clamped his arms around me, and flipped me onto my back. "No as much as I've need o' you … scoldin' and all."

Our passion erupted, but an unexpected knocking at the door quenched it abruptly. "Mistress," a voice said, "ye're wanted in the surgery. A wee bairn cut his cheek, and it willna stop bleedin'."

"I'll be right there," I answered. Smiling at my amorous husband, I quipped, "What's that you said about duty?"

"Weel, I canna hold it agin' ye, if a bairn is bleedin', ye ken."

The little toddler was patched up, and peace reigned for the rest of that day. The following morning brought a surprise, however.

When I awoke, Jamie was sitting at his desk, scribbling a note of some sort. There was a timid rap at the door and Jamie pushed back his chair and stood with the paper in his hand, going to greet our visitor.

There, standing in the doorway, straight as a wooden soldier, was none other than the bane of the food handlers, Osgar. Jamie addressed him, "Ah … Garie. Take this to Ned and tell him, I'll talk to him 'bout it at breakfast.

"Yes, Sir."

Jamie nodded, and smiled. "Thank ye, lad."

The boy left with the note clutched in his hand.

Confused as all get out, I asked, "Wasn't that Osgar?"

"Oh, aye," he confirmed. "Ye wanted him outta the kitchen. Garie isna the kitchen lad anamore. My personal page, he is."

"Well—Jamie Fraser, aren't you the clever one!"

He winked at me in his funny way. "Now, when my wife has gone missin', I'll send young Garie to find her and save me the damned trouble."

"And if he can't find me?"

"Och—then I'll be forced to send in Swoop."

That malicious vulture. I kept hoping that Jamie would tire of playing with that nasty bird, but alas, not bloody likely. I was beginning to wonder if he would invite Swoop to perch at our dinner table.

Jamie turned to walk into the hall when I stopped him. "Jamie—wait! However did you get Fitz to wrangle Osgar away from her apron strings?"

"'Twas no too hard. I just told her as I was in need o' a boy to carry messages and such throughout the castle—someone young and nimble. And did she have any suggestions? I said as it was a verra important position. She op and named Osgar quick as ye please, and now our stomachs are safe from the likes o' him. I dinna suppose ye can get poisonin' from papers, ay?"

I sat up, and pushing back some recalcitrant curls from my face, peered at him in awe. "Perfect solution, Scotty. I'm impressed."

"Weel, I'll see ye at breakfast then?"

"Yes."

"Good."

He shut the door behind him as he exited the room. I sighed, and pulled back the covers. With my two feet firmly on the cold floor, I began preparing for my day.

Things were quiet in my surgery. To keep busy, I rearranged my bottles and tins, straightening out the shelves and cabinets, but even as I worked at the task, I couldn't dismiss the last few hours with Jamie. The panic reflected on his face and in his voice repeatedly sifted, sneaky as a thief, through my brain.

I thought back to a time when I went with the Scottish mob to collect the rents. Jamie sat beside me as we ate our lunch. I remembered how big his eyes got when he inferred that the reason none of his clan trusted me, was due to the secret I had tucked away. Was that it then? Through it all, Jamie—love aside—still harbored a dread of me leaving. I had run away—or at least tried to—three times already. What was to stop me in the future? No wonder the poor man was beside himself with worry.

I promised him honesty at his request, yet he honored my wish to keep some matters undisclosed. The time had come. I needed to bare my soul to Jamie. He deserved it. Whether he would believe me or not would be another question.