EUPHRAXIA

Caitlin, per usual, found a guy she thought to be "the one."

She met him at one of Jonesy's pool parties earlier this summer. He'd caught her eye with his messy brown hair and hazel eyes. She didn't exactly know how to approach him until Jude started a massive splash fight.

A few splashes of water was all it took to find out his name (Ryan), his number, and that he'd been checking her out the entire time. (God, her skin hadn't ever flushed that much. She'd turned into a huge tomato as she sat next to him.) He'd invited her to a party. She was quick to agree—but not too quick. (She didn't want to seem so desperate.)

It turned out that Ryan had played on the school's hockey team with Jonesy, until his grades dropped and he was kicked off the team. She asked him what he'd been doing since he got kicked off the team.

Nothing. Nothing at all.

"Oh, well, do you have anything you'd like to do? Any plans and stuff?" she'd asked.

"Nope," he'd responded. "Well actually—after this year, I might just head out to California and become a model or something. Probably."

"Oh, so you're not going to college?"

"Don't need to. It's just a waste of time. My parents have money anyway."

The rest of the conversation went in the same vein. He didn't have any real thoughts on anything.

She had never felt more disappointed, sitting there and talking to such a hollow—no, empty—shell of a boy. He was a pretty face, and that was all he was. That's all he ever would be.

The image she had of him at the pool shattered. Her own self-image shattered.

On that couch, at that party where she was so disillusioned by him, she saw herself in a different light.

Up until that moment, all she had ever been was a pretty, rich white girl with a minimum-wage job. That's it. Of course she was a best friend and fashionista, but what else was there? Was that it?

She lived her days by going to school, making lemonade, buying magazines and clothes, socializing, and drinking lattes. She thought she could figure herself out when the time came, but she assumed that wouldn't be until freshman year of university.

Time came early—the-summer-before-senior-year early.

Now was the time to figure herself out, before she drowned in an ocean of platitude and shattered dreams. Now was the time to live beyond a sour mall job and her parent's wealth. To find something meaningful to do. To reinvent herself, yet stay true to herself.

(And suddenly, everything Nikki always said regarding independence and life-betterment and self-worth made sense. Nikki made more sense, what with her life quest to be an independent spirit.)

This time, Caitlin wouldn't change herself in hopes of impressing a college student.

It would be for her, even if she didn't know where to start. (She made a mental note to seek advice from Nikki about this.)

Even though it wouldn't be easy, it would be for her and no one else.

She deserved more than suburbia.