Paris
She tells herself she hung the punching bag in the blank space of the apartment because she didn't like the metro light fixture that had been in its place. Every morning like clockwork she goes through her carefully constructed workout routine - pushing herself just close enough to the edge until…
Her phone rings. Annie follows through with her right hook to the heavy bag, bracing herself against it, sucking in a breath before she closes the gap between herself and the kitchen island. She swipes her phone off the countertop.
"Hey, Auggie."
"Annie… You alright?"
"Yeah - just working out."
"You're sure that's all it is?"
Annie hesitates, steadies her breathing, convincing herself.
"Fit as a fiddle - and thank you."
Auggie's pacified for now.
"That's what friends are for, and you're welcome, and I need you to come in. We've got a lead on the bank that paid the post man."
"I'm on my way."
They're on their way to Paris.
Kredit Krepost and Ivan Kravitz are their next target. And Auggie's ex lover. Natasha Petrovna is the hacker who wrote the code that's possibly hiding what could reveal to be the person that funded the Chicago bombing. They find her, they find the people responsible.
Annie agrees to be Auggie's handler for the op because she knows him, and she's convinced herself that despite everything, as painful as it is, they're still better working together than they are apart.
Whatever it takes; that's what she's willing to do to end this.
Tech ops is assembling her luggage because there will be no time to go back to her apartment, but she sneaks away from the chaos inside the DPD with her own go bag and takes advantage of Langley's gym showers. They're surprisingly empty, but Annie is more than glad to be alone. It's funny how she finds herself wanting that more often since she's been back. It's easier to breathe when she's not surrounded by a million eyes with a million questions.
The scalding water chases the morning sweat from her skin and other lingering doubts from her mind. Annie closes her eyes, her thoughts drifting to simpler places and easier times. The water splashes against her back, against the cool tile beneath her feet, and her pulse beats a steady rhythm in tandem with the sound. Exhaustion prowls at the edge of her waning consciousness, beckoning as it does most days, but she stays it.
Her fingers find the scars along her sternum, a constant reminder of everything she's given, and everything she's lost.
Annie leans back against the wall and lets the water crash down over her head.
Joan agrees that they should take separate flights into Charles de Gualle to avoid unnecessary suspicion, so they do.
Annie arrives first in the twilight hours of the morning. She explores her hotel room thoroughly, and while the place is no George V, its amenities are fancy for the usual CIA budget - not that she's complaining. She kills time by unpacking her bag, hiding her gun and her back up nitrate medication, and studying the blueprints and security layout for Kredit Krepost. She waits impatiently for Auggie's call to meet him at the Luxembourg gardens where they will attempt a rendezvous with Natasha.
Too much time alone leaves her with too much time to think. Her straying thoughts manifest themselves as ghosts inside her head.
It's been a long time since she's been in this city.
The last time had been with Simon.
She can remember racing him up the steps of the Sacre Coeur in the early morning that summer. She had humored him by sitting along the edge of the pond in front of Luxembourg palace to watch him sail a toy boat across the water. He had been happy, like a child, and the image is seared into her memory. Looking back now, it was in those moments she realized a dangerous man could become someone very different. Someone normal. Someone human.
Just when she thinks that wound has healed, she realizes it hasn't.
Annie later stands at the edge of the Pont Alexandre III, considering Auggie's attempt to connect with the wayward Russian hacker during their brief stroll through the gardens, and his subsequent failure.
Trust is something hard earned, but easily broken. Natasha wants to trust Auggie, but her history of dealings with the agency has clearly made her gun shy, her head and her heart conflicted in the worst possible way.
The threads between Auggie and Tash were woven and torn long before Annie ever came into the picture. Annie met the wild and rebellious anarchist once, very briefly, a lifetime ago during her first few months at the agency. Now, here as a handler, she is required to be impartial and objective. Except Natasha isn't just another asset, she'd been a part of Auggie's life. Things are far more complicated because of it.
Annie expects this to be uncomfortable, but if anything she feels a connection. One of solidarity and sympathy, because she understands. She's lived it. She'd recognized the look on Tash's face, she'd seen it many times before staring at her own reflection.
It's the fear of wondering where you'll run next and not knowing the answer.
Auggie isn't easily swayed, and he'll match Natasha Petrovna's stubborn tenacity step for step. He tells Annie so when he finally finds her on the bridge. She reminds him that his emotional capital with Tash is paramount, and he assures her he doesn't give up.
Annie laughs when he smirks and tells her that he's a lot like someone else he knows - her.
Annie would have lost a lot more, a lot longer ago, if she'd thought giving up was an option.
They can't access the banks servers from the outside, and despite her best attempts to sneak her way past security cameras and protocol, she falls short. So Annie studies, and waits, and formulates a plan. She takes pictures and sits in her airport rental car in the rain and watches the world go by just outside her window.
After a couple hours she's come to a conclusion. She might not be able to get past the Kredit Krepost's front door, but she might be able to get past the man that runs it.
Annie digs a little deeper.
Ivan Kravitz is a gun enthusiast who spends his mornings at a shooting range that he just so happens to own. With Barber's help back in states Annie also manages to discover that Mr. Kravitz prefers blondes from the escort services he frequently uses.
The odds are in her favor.
Just as she promised Auggie, she finds a way in.
It's as Martine Miller, Browning sales representative and gun extraordinaire. Annie quickly sets to work learning her cover, memorizing the dossier Barber compiled for her. The task is a welcome distraction in the late hours of the night and early hours of the morning. By throwing herself into the lie, she can momentarily forget about her own reality. Her existence becomes a singular focus on the mission.
She doesn't have to think about Auggie spending the night with Natasha.
She doesn't have to think about Simon.
She doesn't have to think.
She only has to be.
Footwork in this business is a gamble, but Annie makes it happen.
Ivan isn't entirely predictable, but she can read him. It's easy enough to spot a mysognistic asshole with a God complex. Excellent aim on the shooting range, sultry smiles and whispered promises are all it takes for Annie to get a a viewing of his private gun collection and a dinner invitation for later that evening. She makes sure to walk away slowly when she leaves him, and she can all but feel his eyes staring lasers at her ass.
He's aggressive, and she'll have to be careful, but right now that's the least of her problems.
Calder cannot secure Tash's immunity.
Auggie compels Annie to let him try to talk to Tash first, to convince her that she still needs to give them the key, but even as the words come out of his mouth she already knows that there's no way Tash will agree to it. And if Annie were her, she wouldn't either. They need more time, but they don't have it; she'll be at Ivan's tonight, and it'll be the last chance they have to access the bank's servers.
She steals the key from Tash's hotel room. What's worse is she steals it while Auggie and Tash are sleeping together.
The old Annie would have conceded the defeat based on principle, that all is fair in love and war. But this isn't the old Annie, and drastic times call for drastic measures. There is no line she will not cross, no boundary out of the question. The idea of black and white, right and wrong, become obsolete. If she must live in a world of gray, so be it. If that's what it takes, that's what she'll do. Being in the mud is no longer an idea that scares her; questionable choices have become a part of her everyday existence.
She stares at herself in the mirror of her hotel room as she fixes her lipstick before going to catch her cab. The usb is safely stowed away in her clutch.
It's frightening for her to think that there was a time not too long ago when she wouldn't have recognized the reflection of the woman staring back at her.
The fact that she is beginning to terrifies her more.
Auggie is drunk.
He is also angry.
The combination is hardly ideal, because this Auggie has no filter, no understanding or empathy. He doesn't censor his feelings, or his words, and he lands blow after blow, breaking through her already fragile shield of self preservation. She's still wired with adrenaline from her brief foray with Ivan, her head pounding from where he had slammed her into his gun armoire, but she's also exhausted because she hasn't slept. She tries to defend her decision, justify her means, but there is no end in sight for Auggie, only blame.
"There was no more time." Annie argues, the shadows dancing around them in the late Paris night. "This was my one shot with Ivan, and now we have a lead that can help us track down whoever killed 12 Americans."
"Yeah, I know we needed the intel Annie, but that's not the point." Auggie snaps, empty wine bottle in one hand, cane in the other.
"So what's the point?"
"The point is my friend violated my trust and I would never do that to you."
Auggie's anger is suffocating, his accusations painful and unbelievably cruel. Annie has to look away, and she takes a breath to steady herself, reeling from her gross miscalculation; she'd never expected him to react this way. Finding a middle ground now seems an impossible task in itself, and there are a thousand things that would need to be addressed tonight in order for that to happen. She wants him to see reason, to understand her, but their trust is clearly more broken than she'd previously thought.
"I only did that because you were compromised-"
"I always choose you over the mission." All bets are off, and there's no stopping him now. "Always, even if it means hiding your medical condition from the agency - which could get me fired - I choose you. But you, well, you choose the mission. And you think that makes you better at what you do."
But didn't it make her better? Wasn't her bleeding heart the thing that hindered her most? Emotions established connections that only served to make her suffer. Emotions were the knife that got twisted into your heart at the end of the day, regardless of a situations outcome. Emotions are why she fell for Ben. Emotions are what drove her to seek Joan's approval, and then Lena Smith's. Emotions are why she loved Simon. Emotions are why she loved Auggie. They were the reason she pulled the trigger in the alley in Hong Kong. They were the reason for the bullet scars on her chest.
What fucking good had any of that done her now?
She wants to scream. She balls her hands into fists instead, fighting tears, and herself.
"The truth is that turning your back on your emotions doesn't make you a better spy." Auggie twists the knife deeper. "It's just cutting you off from anyone close to you."
He throws the wine bottle against the stone of the wall as he turns to walk away, and the glass shatters into a million pieces.
So does she.
AN: Long time no see people! Sorry for the long wait, hopefully this piece will be a welcome offering. I promise I should be a little more consistent with posts now that I have more free time! ;)
Also how about that finale?! They left us hanging in so many ways, I'm still not over it emotionally, especially since we don't have a S6 renewal yet. C'mon USA network!
505 was a great episode, P & CG were fabulous in it, so many emotions running high. So much hurt and deception going on. I tried to highlight some of those moments here inside Annie's head. I could write chapters upon chapters for this ep alone. I might come back and revisit it later for reflection purposes. Anyway, hope you enjoy and I'll try to write more soon. Thanks for my awesome beta Primadonna for sticking with me. xoxo