3rd of March

I really should have known that this would happen. Truth be told, the only thing that was surprising was that it took so long until my 'relationship' with Starfire would blow up in my face. Now it had.

"Did I say anything wrong?", Starfire asked into the suddenly silent room. The three boys looked at her with eyes as big as saucers, and, in Beast Boy's case, a river of blood running from his nose. "Don't you earthlings say 'friend who is benefitting'?"

Cyborg looked at her oddly. "Star, you sure that you know what friends with benefits means?"

She nodded eagerly. "Yes, Friend Cyborg. It means Friend Raven and I have been partaking in the trying out of the mating."

He simply nodded calmly, other than Beast Boy, who once he had gotten past the dirty fantasies, began yelling: "Oy, that really ain't fair on Robin, going behind his back. I mean, this is totally hot, but I still don't feel too much like being you friend right now."

"No, Friend Beast Boy", Starfire innocently replied, "I think you misunderstand us. Friend Raven and I were just trying out the mating, we were not girlfriends behind Robin's back, nor anywhere else."

Worse than Beast Boy's reaction was Robin's. He had every reason to feel betrayed, after all he was the one who had to deal with the aftermath of my mistakes. The look that he gave me gave nothing away, but with my empathic abilities I could feel anger and betrayal rolling off him in waves, directed at both me and Star. I knew that it would be even worse once Starfire understood what I had done.

In the back of my mind I realized that my clothes transformed into Guilt's sickly green and all the windows in the tower were exploding, but I could not care less right now.

"Please believe me Robin when I say that Starfire never knew about this as anything other than a trial run. She truly believed we were doing something that was completely normal on earth." I could feel Star's confusion. It would only be a matter of time before this confusion turned to resentment. I could not bear to be present during that. "I'm so sorry, Starfire", I mumbled, before vanishing to my room.

I knew, realistically, that I should meditate now. I had just lost control over one of my emotions. However, the only thing I could do right now was flop down onto my bed and cry.

I could feel Starfire's emotions shift from confused to hostile, and it broke me to feel her anger, possibly even hate, towards me. 'It's your own fault, dimwit', I thought to myself, resigned.

A knock shook me from my thoughts. "You alright?", Cyborg's voice sounded from behind the door. When I did not answer he continued: "Look, Rae, don't think I ain't angry at you, but you're still my friend, an' I suppose you need someone to stand by your side now." He shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "So you wanna talk?"

I did not answer, but simply opened the door silently with my soul self. I was sitting with my cloak over my head and my back to the door. I could not let him see that I had been crying.

Once he had entered and closed the door behind him I started to speak.

"Thanks", I said, shocked at how scratchy my voice sounded. Then the events of the last month came flowing from my mouth, seemingly without my assistance. I skipped any details, but for some reason I told him about Guilt and Love. I had had a look at her through my soul mirror a few hours ago. She looked about 12 years by now. My tears had stopped by now, but I knew for a fact that she was still crying.

"I really don't know what to do now", I finished, shrugging helplessly.

"You could start by helping me with putting in new windows", he said, trying to lighten the mood. A strangled sound, somewhere between a laugh and a wail, escaped my throat.

Growing serious again, he continued: "I don't really know what you could do, honestly. Star is angry at both you and Robin right now, for what you did and how he reacted. You should say sorry, and at least try to explain yourself to her. Be honest, she won't accept anything else. As for Robin, try to avoid him as much as you can until he has cooled down a bit. With how he is acting now he might try to challenge you to a duel or something." He said this without any trace of humor to his voice. He was indeed completely serious. It made me swallow, hard.

"Thanks, Cyborg", I said again. Then I surprised both him and myself by hugging him briefly. I supposed the continued physicality between me and Starfire had made me at least a bit more tactile. "Would you leave me now? I really need to meditate."

"Sure." He smiled softly. "And I really mean it, you know? If you need help, just come to me."

With that, he was gone. Somehow feeling more content, I finally started to meditate.