I'm... What?
(Buffy's POV)
There's been a big change in Faith since that day, outside the bathroom. It's only been a week, but she's already going all out on the girlfriend stuff, like she's desparate to change my mind about her. Like she's afraid I still believe the rumors are still true, and that I'm going to come to my senses and leave her. How could this have happened so fast? It's only been two weeks since we even met, and already she's one of my favorite people in the world. But, I'm almost afraid... I'm almost afraid that she'll turn out to be insane, like my previous girlfriend.
So, I decide to ask her a question. And the opportunity comes tonight.
I haven't told my mom yet that I'm dating someone, but not because I'm ashamed of Faith. It's because I just want us to be for... for us right now. I mean, I can't help it that the entire school knows, but I've asked Willow and Xander to not say anything about me and Faith being together when they're over at my house. But if all goes well tonight, I might be ready to tell my mom.
I told my mom that another friend of mine, not Xander or Willow, I don't want to lie too much to her, wanted to hang out with me tonight, so I asked if I could have a slightly later curfew. She didn't have a problem with it, so here we are. Just me and Faith. We're lying on a blanket on the side of a hill, staring up at the stars. The night is clear, and the air is clean. It's beautiful. I look over at Faith and I see her, illuminated by the light of the moon. She's so beautiful. I can't help myself.
I reach over and cup her cheek, turning her to face me, and I smile as I lean in and kiss her. Her lips are sweet as always. It's kind of cliché, but I really like the taste of cherry chapstick on her lips.
"What was that for?" She asks me, grinning ear to ear.
"I felt like it." I reply, my grin as wide as hers. But then, she starts to panic as I grow serious.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing. I just..."
"Just what?" She sits up, looking down at me.
"Faith... How long have we been dating?"
"Um... about a week. Why?" She's really panicking now. "Oh God, it's moving too fast, isn't it?"
"No!" I say, sitting up and putting my arms around her neck. "No, everything is perfect. But... I'm just wondering... have... have you been counting the seconds since we started dating?"
"Wait, am I supposed to be? Because I can start! I can do some math, figure out how many seconds we've been dating and start from there..."
"No!" I smile. "God, no. I was just curious. Because... well, I've only had one girlfriend before... and she was literally counting every second we dated. It... It was kind of creepy... Let's just say... her new address is the Los Angeles Loony Bin. Not even kidding. For almost a month, I was literally dating an insane person. And... I was just... paranoid, I guess..." I smile sheepishly at her in apology.
"You... You were just checking to see if I'm crazy?" Faith asks, and I'm afraid she's mad for a second. Then she smiles. "Well... I am. Crazy."
"What?" I flinch backwards a bit.
"I'm crazy. I'm crazy about you. I don't know why... but... I feel like I'd do anythin' for ya, B."
I relax. But then I tense up. "Faith, I don't know where this is going right now, but I feel like the "L" word is about to come up, so let me just stop you right there. I'm... I'm not ready for that yet..."
Faith lays back down, laughing.
"Don't worry about it, B. Not really ready for that myself."
I relax again, and I lay back down with her, and she lets me snuggle up to her. She puts her arm around me and slips her other arm under her head, and we go back to just staring up at the stars.
"Faith?" I ask after a few minutes.
"Yeah, B?"
"Do you feel ready to take another step?"
She tenses up a little. "What kinda step?"
"It's kind of a big one, but not a really big one, you know?"
"Well... what do ya have in mind?"
"I... I want you to meet my mom."
She turns to look at me again, and I meet her gaze. She has to avert her eyes. Ever since that day in the hall, when I decided to take a chance with her, she hasn't been able to look me in the eyes for more than a second.
"Faith... why don't you ever look me in the eyes?" I ask, and I sense that that was a mistake. She flinches and sits up, visibly tense.
"B... please... just... I'm... I don't talk about stuff like that."
But I'm not going to let it go, either.
"Why not? I'm your girlfriend. I want to know about you."
"Buffy, just drop it, okay? It's... It's just me problems. It's got nothin' to do with you." I fall silent. I decide not to push it any further. For now.
"Okay. I'll let it go. For now." She relaxes a bit, but she knows that I'm not going to completely let it go. "So?"
"So what?"
"Will you meet my mom?"
She exhales, relieved we're at least on to a different topic now.
"Yeah. I... I think I'd like that."
I smile.
"Does... Does she know about me?" She looks at me.
"Well... not exactly. I've mentioned your name. I told her you're another friend. But I haven't really mentioned the word girlfriend yet. But I will tonight. I promise." She nods.
"Expected as much. Haven't told the fosters I'm seein' someone yet, either."
"Right, I've been meaning to ask you about that. So, you're a foster kid?"
She hesitates, but I guess she decides she can tell me a little bit about it, anyway. "Yeah. I'm a foster kid."
"So what are they like?"
She sighs. "They're alright, as far as temp parents go. Not too strict, but they still pay attention to me. They're not exactly rich, but they manage to support me and the others."
"Others?"
"Yeah. My foster siblings. There're five of us total. There's me, Julian, Tyler, Augustus, Jamie, and Grant. I'm the oldest. Grant's the middle kid... and he's also my biological brother."
"You have a brother?"
"Yeah. We get along alright, but we keep our distance from each other most of the time... It kinda reminds us that we used to have a real family. Real mom and dad. It's kinda painful. He was too young to remember them. I was real young when they..."
I squeeze her shoulder, letting her know she doesn't have to go on. She squeezes my hand in appreciation.
"Anyway, yeah... It's alright. I'm not exactly one of the lucky ones, but I'm not one of the unlucky ones, either."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I mean, It's not like my foster parents are abusive or anythin'... but... they don't really love me, either. They just... they wanted Grant, and when they found out about me, they took me, too, so that Grant wouldn't have to lose his only family, and also 'cause I looked like I was old enough to babysit. They pay attention to me, and they treat me right, so I don't really give 'em any trouble. Least, I try not to. Some things just can't be avoided, though, I guess."
"Yeah. Guess not..." Faith notices the look in my eye, and she looks at me curiously.
"So, enough about me, huh? How 'bout you, B? What's your family sitch?"
"Well... My mom is actually my mom. Biologically and parentally speaking. She's cool. Got a sister, Dawn, but you knew that. Um... My parents just recently got divorced. That's why we moved here. Away from LA. Away from my dad. We're... Not exactly hurting for money. My dad's a lawyer. Makes good money. My mom's got a nice job at an art gallery, she makes pretty good money. So, like I said, we're not really hurting for money. Plus, she got a nice settlement from the divorce. She has full custody of me and Dawn, of course, but he's allowed to visit whenever he wants, as long as he clears it with Mom, first."
"Wait... your dad's a lawyer, but he lost the custody battle?" Faith is as confused as I was at first, until I figured it out.
"Yeah..."
"What kinda lawyer is he?"
"That's the funny thing... He's a divorce lawyer. And he's damn good at his job. That's why he gets paid as much as he does. He even handles mostly rich clients." Now she notices the tears in my eyes, and she's starting to back off. But I'm definitely more the "talk about my feelings" type.
"Damn... That just don't sound right."
"It isn't... And at first, I was really confused... I've seen him in court. He's a natural. I've seen him lawyer-talk circles around other lawyers with tons more experience than him. So... Why couldn't he beat my mom's lawyer?"
The look on Faith's face says she's figured it out, but doesn't want to say it.
"Finally... I figured it out... He didn't even try. He didn't really try to fight for us. If he had, he could've taken full custody and gotten a much lower settlement with no more effort than twitching his nose." The tears are streaming now.
"Fuck him..." Faith growls. "I sure as hell woulda fought tooth and nail for ya."
I laugh. "Yeah... I mean... he never really had much time for me and Dawn, even before my parents started talking about divorce. So, I'm not disappointed with the outcome. But... it hurts, you know? My own father didn't even really want me."
"Well... Guess I should actually be thankin' the asshole." I look at her in surprise. "I mean, if he'd actually fought, and won, you wouldn't have moved here, and I never woulda met ya." I smile now, and she kisses the tears away. "But still... That's just not right... I do vaguely remember my parents. And they loved me, and my brother. They loved us to... They loved us. If they'd gotten divorced, it'd have been war between them, seein' who got to take us. Both of 'em would've fought tooth and nail to take custody of us. I... I can't imagine someone's actual parents not wantin' them. Even though I see it every day. Like your pals... Red, and that perv you're always hangin' out with. I hear neither of their parents give two fuckin' figs about them."
"Yeah..."
"You know... not everyone knows this about me... really, not even my friends do... but I actually do think about my future."
"Really? What do you think about?"
"I wanna help people. Just... I wanna help people. Like... I wanna help kids who're bein'... bein' abused by their parents... I wanna help people livin' in shitholes who can't barely make it day to day..."
"You want to be some kind of social worker?"
Faith looks at me, and nods. "Yeah. Somethin' like that. I wanna help people who're havin' a hard time. I don't wanna be one of those money hungry types who just wanna make a big fat paycheck, I want to really help people."
I smile. "Well, I think that's great, Faith. That's a dream to be proud of." She grins at me and lets a few tears of her own fall.
"I've lived in some pretty shitty foster homes, B. And... It just makes me think... maybe if I'd had someone... someone that does what I wanna do... maybe it wouldn't have been so hard. I mean, even just someone to talk to... But now... Now, I find it hard to talk about really anythin' personal... So... you're gonna have to be patient with me, B..."
"I will be. Don't worry." I stroke her hair, then pull her in and kiss her again.
"I'd better get ya home. Mama Bear's not gonna be happy if I keep you out much longer." Faith says when we pull apart, and I agree. I look at my phone and see it's already nine o' clock.
"Yeah, because now's about the time I'm usually in bed, going to sleep."
"Okay. Let's head that way, then." Faith says, and we roll up the blanket again, and she carries it in one arm while she drapes the other around my shoulders, and we walk away from the hillside.
...
We're standing on my front porch, kind of hesitant to knock. We've decided we're ready for my mom to know about us, and for Faith to meet her, but we haven't decided really when she'll meet her. It could be now.
"So... is it time?" She asks me.
"I don't know... You want to go ahead and... you know... do it?"
"Well... I don't wanna wait too much longer... but... she'll be expectin' to meet me..."
"Yeah... she will... Whether you're my friend or my girlfriend, she'll be expecting to meet you." I squeeze myself nervously, and Faith's leather jacket squeaks. She noticed me shivering in the cool night air, and automatically draped the warm jacket around my shoulders. I'm beginning to think my girlfriend is a closet romantic.
"So... we really gonna do this?"
"I... I guess so." I say, and smile nervously. I turn towards the door and knock three times.
My mom opens the door about thirty seconds later.
"Buffy?" She looks at the jacket around my shoulders, and see's Faith standing next to me in leather pants and a red tank top, and I think she puts two and two together. But, after the "mistaking Willow for my girlfriend" fiasco last week, she's hesitant to actually say anything. "Who's your... friend?"
"Um... let's go inside. It's kind of cold out here." I suggest, and my mom steps aside, letting me in. Faith stands on the porch, though, nervous.
"Um... why don't you come in? It is pretty cold out." My mom says to her, and Faith slowly inches past my mom and stands at the foot of the stairs, shifting on her feet, her hands in her pockets, and looking everywhere but at Mom. It's kind of like a nervous tic with her, I guess.
"So, Buffy? Who's your friend?" Mom asks me, still standing, like she's trying to play the "father figure" now and intimidate Faith. And it's working.
"Um... I'm... I'm Faith..." Faith replies, holding out a slightly shaky hand. Mom takes her hand with a stern gaze and squeezes it. She looks Faith up and down, and I can tell her first impression is not an overly good one.
"Um... Faith, why don't you come sit down?" I suggest, and Faith moves to stand by me, but she's afraid she'll be disrespecting my mom, so she doesn't sit. Sighing, I stand up next to her.
"Mom... This is Faith... My girlfriend..."
She doesn't flinch. She just stares at Faith, obviously aware that Faith can't look her in the eye.
"Your girlfriend, huh?"
"Yes... She's my girlfriend."
Mom nods, then sits down in the same chair she'd sat down in when she thought Willow was my girlfriend.
"Sit." My mom says, and our butts hit the couch faster than... something that sits down really fast... I can't really think right now, I'm so nervous. "So, Faith... Tell me a bit about yourself."
"Um... whaddya wanna... I... I mean, what do you want to know?" I notice how she emphasizes every word, so she won't come across as lazy. I'm nervous, but I'm also glad that she's actually putting effort into making a good impression. She's even sitting up straight and tall, not slouching. But I notice how she has to keep some part of herself moving at all times. She looks around the room a few times, but she sees my mom doesn't seem to like that, so she tries to focus on at least looking at some part of my mom's face. She starts slightly tapping her foot on the ground instead, to work off some of the tension in her body.
"Well, for starters, what's your last name?"
"Lehane, ma'am. My name is Lehane. Faith Lehane." She says almost before my mom finishes the question.
"Well, Faith. How long have you been seeing my daughter?"
"About a week, Mom." I interject, but she's still looking expectantly at Faith. I sigh and sit back. This is between them.
"One week and two days." Faith says, then thinks for a minute. "Seein' as it was just before school... I'd say, more like one week, one and a half days."
My mom seems satisfied. At least she didn't name the exact second.
"Where are you from?"
"Right here in SunnyD." Faith clears her throat. "Sunnydale. I'm from the south side of town, though."
"Mom, could you please just relax?" I ask desparately, and my mom glares at me.
"B... It's okay. I've got this." Faith says, squeezing my hand. She stands up, and my mom stands up to meet her. "Ms. Summers, my name is Faith Lehane. I'm a foster child living on the south side of town. I live with my two foster moms, three foster siblings and my baby brother, who is actually my biological brother. His name's Grant. I'll be honest, I don't have the best past when it comes to datin', in fact, I don't normally date at all, but Buffy is special. She means a lot to me, and I can't stop thinkin' about her. I know you've recently been divorced, so you're playin' the part of both parents right now, so your instincts are goin' to tell you to check up on me, find out what you can about me. I'm not gonna try and stop you. You're not goin' to like everythin' you hear, and you probably won't like me after you hear it, but I'm askin' you right now to trust me. You don't have to like me, but please, just trust me. Even in just the short time I've known Buffy, she's become one of the most important people in the world to me. Hurtin' her is the last thing I wanna do." Faith falls silent, and my mom seems to be surprized, and maybe a bit impressed with Faith's honesty.
"Well, do you want to save me some time and tell me some of these things I won't like?" She asks, and Faith pales.
"No ma'am, I don't. But I will, anyway." Faith admits. She looks back down at me, like she's apologizing for what I'm about to hear. "When I was thirteen, I got arrested and did some time in juvie 'cause I stabbed a guy." My mom is enraged, and she looks at me like she's astounded that I'm dating a criminal, but I'm just as shocked as she is. But Faith isn't done. "And I'm not goin' to stand here and make up excuses. But, really, I don't regret it. Because it was in self-defense. I was protectin' myself and my foster siblings. My foster parents called a friend of theirs to watch us while they went out to eat one night, and once they were gone, the guy they called sat us all down to watch a movie. He sat down with all of us, but not much later, he starts touchin' me. He's puttin' his hand on my leg, and rubbin' my thigh, he's strokin' my hair, runnin' his hand down my arm..." Faith is in tears of anger, and my mom looks horrified. "I've been in some bad foster homes before. One of my foster dad's went to prison once because he sexually assaulted me. I kinda flashed back to that, and I got scared, but I didn't do anythin' at first, 'cause I thought he might stop after a minute, and everythin' would be fine. But he didn't. He started... He..." Faith stopped and choked on a breath she took. I pull her back down to the couch and squeeze her hand, encouraging her. "I'm sorry... I... It's hard to talk about..." Faith admits, choking on her words. My mom nods.
"It's okay, you don't have to go on." She says, but Faith shakes her head.
"No... You deserve to know who your daughter's datin'... And B..." Faith turns to me. "You deserve to know, too. You deserve to know everythin'..."
"Well... Let's just start with small things." I suggest.
"I... I'll at least finish this one..." Faith said, and I nod. I'm crying along with her. "Um... He... He put his hand... between my legs, and he... He started kinda pressin' on me... I lost it. I reached over and I punched him, hoping I'd at least startle him away from me. But he just got mad. He reached over and slapped me, and he pushed me down on the couch, and he... He ripped my pants off, and he started with his... I kicked him in the balls, and he fell down on the ground, then chased me into the kitchen... The other kids were screamin'... I tried to find somethin'... anythin' to scare him away... So I grabbed this knife my foster mom had, and I turned to face him, but he was comin' too fast, and..." Faith sobs. "I didn't mean to hurt him... I was just scared..." I hug her, pressing her head against my chest, and her jacket mufles her cries.
"But... why did you go to jail if he was attacking you?" my mom asks.
Faith sits back up and wipes her tears away. She tries to speak, but she chokes. She clears her throat and tries again. "Because... He was on the city council, and he claimed that I attacked him for no reason." Faith's voice was bitter. "Who the hell was the jury gonna believe? An outstanding member of the city council, or some young girl who's always gettin' into trouble? He scared the other kids so much that they wouldn't testify against him. So, I got a year and a half in juvie. I got out on good behavior, and I'm still on probation. The funny thing is, he tried to fuckin' rape me, and I did time in juvie while he got elected to fuckin' mayor." Faith growled.
"Wait... you mean...?" My mom asked.
"Yeah. The pervert who tried to rape me? His name was Richard. Richard Wilkins the third." Faith wiped her tears away again. "I stay away from him now. If I try to go anywhere near him, he'll probably claim I'm tryin' to attack him again, and I'll go right back to juvie. Or, they'll keep me in a jail cell for the next couple of months, then send me to prison when I turn eighteen. Then again, if I went anywhere near him... I probably would attack him or somethin'... I... I still have nightmares."
My mom standsup and helps Faith to her feet. At first, I'm about toprotest, because I thik my mom's about to throw Faith out of the house, but then she hugs her. My mom wraps her arms around Faith and hugs her.
Faith is just as stunned as I am, then her tears come back even fiercer than before, and she hugs my mom back. She's crying hysterically into my mom's blouse, drenching her shoulder, and suddenly, I'm right behind her, hugging both of them.
I certainly didn't expect this when I introduced Faith to my mom, but I think my mom at least approves of her.
Suddenly, Faith realeases my mom, and that lets us know it's time to separate. She steps off to the side and shoves her hands in her pockets.
"I, um... I'd better go..." Faith says.
"Why don't you stay for dinner, at least?" My mom asks, and Faith blushes.
"I'd like to, Ms. Summers, but my foster moms will be expectin' be in about twenty minutes ago, so I gotta jet... I mean, I need to get home."
"Well, maybe you can call them..." I suggest, but Faith looks like she really needs some time alone, so she shakes her head, and says no thanks. I don't push it, so I walk her to the door.
"Oh, here's your jacket..." I say, sliding it off my shoulders, but Faith smiles.
"Hey, why don't you keep it?" I smile and hug the jacket to my chest, and she kisses me goodnight and steps off the porch into the night.
...
"Well, that was certainly... eventful..." Mom says.
"Yeah. Who knew that about her?" Dawn asks, and suddenly, we realize she was eavesdropping on us.
"Dawn!" I scream, and I chase after her. I'm super pissed.
"Buffy, let her go." Mom says, instead, stomping up the stairs after Dawn herself. At the top of the staircase, she turns to me. "I'm not going to say I like Faith. I'm not going to say I don't like her. I... I need time to process... what just happened."
"Yeah... me too..." I agree.
"But... I'm not going to say you can't see her... If those first few seconds, and those last few seconds, are anything to judge by, you two seem to make each other very happy. So... the only thing I'm going to say is... be careful."
I nod in appreciation.
"Thanks, Mom."
Mom nods, then continues stomping up after Dawn.
I return to the living room and sit on the couch, staring at Faith's jacket in my hands.