I'm... What?
(Buffy's POV)
"You... you mean..." Faith nods, and the tears are back in her eyes. She hugs herself, trying to separate from the world.
"I... I don't remember it, but... I can feel it... I feel... violated..."
I feel my anger rising. And it's rising fast. I have to let some of it out, or I'll explode. I get up and Faith's afraid I'm going to walk away, leave her. Damaged goods.
Instead, I go to the window and open it. When I feel the fresh air hit me in the face, something happens other than what I was going to do. I throw my head out the window and vomit. I'm gagging, and choking, and coughing, and my meals from the last three days make their way to the ground two stories below me. Finally, I feel empty, and I know I'm done, so I do what I was coming over here to do. I lift my head to the sky and I scream.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone within a mile of the hospital starts looking for the source of the noise, but I don't care.
When I look back inside, Faith is rocking back and forth, sobbing. She doesn't realize it, but she's scratching herself, like she's trying to scrub herself clean. She feels filthy, and I feel guilty for leaving her over there, alone. I close the window and walk back over to her. I sit down on the bed beside her, then lay down and hold her. And we cry together.
...
I'm shaken awake by my mom. I yawn, rub my eyes, and look over at Faith beside me. She's shivering, even though she's covered up and she has my body warmth around me. She whimpers in her sleep, and I know she's dreaming about... it.
I shake her awake, knowing that missing out on sleep is better than dreaming about that.
"AAH!" She screams, sitting up when I finally get her awake.
"Shh..." I whisper, holding her. "It's okay, Faith."
She calms down immediately when she hears my voice.
"B?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"How long was I out?"
"I don't know." I admit. "I kind of crashed, too."
"I came in, and you two looked so peaceful together, I didn't want to wake you. That was earlier this morning. It's almost six o' clock now." My mom says, concerned.
"You fell asleep with me? The whole day?" Faith asks.
"I guess so." I reply.
"Well, honey, it's time to go." Mom says to me. Faith starts to panic, and I squeeze her.
"Mom, can I come back once I get a shower and a change of clothes? I... I'd kind of prefer to stay with Faith tonight."
Mom sighs, unsure, but seeing Faith's condition, knowing we're probably not going to be doing anything... extracurricular... "Well... I'll have to talk it over with her foster parents and the doctors first, but... I don't have a problem with it." She nods, heading out the door. "Let me just go ask them."
I nod, and I turn back to Faith, who's relaxed a little bit, but not much.
"I promise, Faith, even if I can't stay tonight, I'll be back tomorrow. If you want, I'll even skip school, and stay the whole day with you."
"No. You need to go to school. But... come back straight after?"
"I promise." I nod, and my mom walks back in, smiling slightly.
"They don't have a problem with it. Carrie says they were planning on leaving someone here overnight to keep an eye on her, anyway, and after being told... what happened... she really only calmed down when you showed up."
So my mom knows, too. What really happened to Faith.
"So... they want me to stay with her?" I ask.
"Yes. They said it might be best with you here. So, I'll take you home so you can get something to eat, get a shower, and get some pajamas for tonight, then I'll bring you right back."
I nod, smiling. Faith tenses up again when I get up, but I give her a quick, soft kiss, and assure her that I'll be back.
"Just don't go to sleep until I get back. I don't want you having that nightmare again." I say worriedly.
"How... How'd you know?" Faith asks.
"You were calling out in your sleep. Making noises."
"Oh." She's blushing furiously now.
"Well, we'd better go now." Mom says, and I nod. Faith tenses up as I get up off the bed, so I lean over and kiss her softly, assuring her that I'll be back.
"Don't worry, baby." I say with a smile, and she relaxes slightly, but hugs herself anyway.
...
I get a shower as soon as I get home, and Mom fixes dinner while I'm showering. I eat quickly, and throw some pajamas in a bag. I don't care what I grabbed, I just want to get back to Faith as fast as I can.
...
Faith is talking to Carrie when I get back to her room. My mom just dropped me off outside the hospital.
"-so we'll talk to the police tomorrow. But tonight, just rest." Carrie was saying as I walked in. Faith's eyes brighten as soon as she sees me, and Carrie nods as she walks out of the room. "You two have a good night's rest tonight." She says, closing the door behind her.
"I need to change." I say to Faith as I head for the bathroom. I close the door and change quickly, then leave the bathroom and crawl into bed beside Faith.
"B?" She asks, and I look up at her.
"Yeah?"
"You... You still like me... right?" She asks, very afraid of my answer.
"Of course!" I say, smiling. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Because... you know..."
"Because you were... attacked?" Faith nods. "Faith, I really care about you. I really do. I'm not going to stop liking you just because of... that. I l... I like you."
"Then... I'm not just... damaged goods?"
"No! Of course not! Something bad happened to you. You didn't do anything bad. And the police are going to find whoever did it to you, and you won't have to worry about it anymore. I... I know we agreed we're not ready to actually say the "L word" yet, but... I want you to know that I do."
"Do what?"
"I... "L word"... you. I do. I "L word" you." Faith smiles and her eyes fill with tears of happiness when I say that.
"I "L word" you, too." Faith chokes out, and I wipe the tears away. But they're falling from my eyes, too, and suddenly, we're crying together, holding each other tighter and tighter.
...
I wake up the next morning and look at Faith to find her sleeping soundly, no traces of a nightmare at all. I smile and brush her hair out of her face. It's hard to believe we've only been dating a week. It's been a very eventful week, both good and bad. Next week we might be getting married! Obviously that's an exaggeration, but I think that we're probably going to be slowing down soon, otherwise we'll go through everything major in a relationship in a month's time.
Faith slowly stirs as I stare at her, and she looks back at me curiously.
"What?" She asks.
"You're so beautiful." I way with a smile.
She smiles for a split second before it fades again.
"Faith... We're going to get through this, okay? Together."
Faith nods sleepily and presses herself against me.
"Damn it." She says, and I back up, curious.
"What? What did I do?"
"I don't know. That's what I'm tryin' to figure out. What the hell have you done to me? I'm supposed to be some big, butch, macho, tough girl or somethin'. A real Hell's Angel biker chick, and here I am, all fuckin' lovey-dovey with you. I'm a fuckin' girl." I laugh, and she looks up at me. "It's not funny."
"Sorry, it's just... Hearing you say "lovey-dovey"..."
She blushes. "Shut up, would ya?" But I can tell she's laughing inside.
"I'm here for you, though. Anything you need." I promise her. Then, I look at the clock. And groan. "Anything you need... after school. I need to get home and get ready."
"You're coming back right after, though, right?" Faith asked, panicking again.
"Of course." I reply incredulously. Why wouldn't she think I'm coming back. I kiss her. "You don't really even need to ask. Of course I'm coming back right after."
She nods, still looking unsure.
"Hey. I promise. I'm coming back. If I'm not back here by four o' clock, then just assume that I'm lying dead in a ditch somewhere." I joke, but her eyes grow wide. "Whoa! Kidding! I'll be back by four." I kiss her again and put yesterday's clothes back on in the bathroom, putting my pajamas back in my bag. I give her one more quick kiss and promise her once more that I'll be back later today, then I leave.
...
"So how is she, anyway?" Will asks me. The news that Faith was attacked spread through the school like wildfire. While no one knows about exactly what kind of attack it was, there's a lot of mixed reactions from the student body concerning the "incident". Most people are indifferent.
"Really? That sucks. Hmm... Wonder what's for lunch today?"
Some of them are actually celebrating. Assholes.
"Really? It's about time someone knocked her down to size. She deserves it." (cough cough *Cordelia*)
But there are a few, mostly Xan, Will and the Leathers, who are really angry about it.
"She's... doing... okay, I guess." I reply. "As good as we can expect, anyways. She's really shaken up about it, and she's really hurting. She won't say it, but I know she's afraid that whoever did it is going to come back for her."
"Was it some kind of mugging?" Xander asks. "I mean, was she missing anything?"
Probably better let them think it was a mugging. Faith can straighten it out if she wants to when she gets back. "Um... yeah. About... fifty bucks."
"Damn. Guess she should be glad she wasn't carrying any more than that. Could have been much worse."
"Yeah. Or worse, it could have not been a mugging at all." Willow says, and I pale.
"Yeah. Lucky her."
"Oh! I didn't mean she's lucky... because, hello, mugged. But still, she could have been carrying several hundred in her wallet. Imagine losing several hundred dollars instead of only fifty."
"Yeah. Money. That sucks." The morning bell rings, and I manage to make it through Biology before I start worrying about Faith. She could be freaking out right now, and I'm not there to calm her down. The doctors might have to knock her out or something. Algebra and History go by, and I barely even notice them, I'm too busy worrying about Faith. I'm thinking about skipping the lunch hour and just running up to the hospital just to check in for a minute, but I have to stop thinking about that while I'm in gym.
We're freestyling in gym today, so basically, we get to decide what we're doing. Of course, the majority vote is dodgeball. Meaning the five jocks in the class voted dodgeball and no one else wanted to vote against them. So, we're playing dodgeball, and two people stand up to choose teams. It's Mark Hartman, the guy Faith said was being scouted by the Major Leaguers or whatever it's called. Anyway, he's one team captain, and Jack, Faith's friend, is the other.
"Summers." Mark calls, looking dead at me, and winks. Dawn steps forward, though, and I thank god my sister has a crush on the guy. Somehow, I think he was planning on hitting on me. He scowls and I look over at Jack. Unfortunately, though, Jason is also in this class, so Jack calls on him without thinkng about it.
"Summers." Mark calls again, grinning. I groan as Iwalk over to him, keeping Dawn between us, but he walks around her and stands by me, and for some reason, Dawn blames me for that, so I'm the one she glares at.
Once the teams are called, Mark immediately decides to stand by me.
"So, Summers, don't suppose you've reconsidered the whole "lezbo" thing have you?" He asks, like it's some really clever line he just came up with on the spot, even though he's probably been working on that "whopper" of a pick-up line for about ten minutes.
"Nope. Not really." I growl as I throw my ball and hear the whistle blowed as it connects, sending a member of the other team out.
"Hmm. Really? 'Cause the way you were looking at me a few minutes ago, I think you have."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah." He throws his ball. Whistle blows. "I think you're just playing hard to get. So, I'm going to save us both a lot of time and say I'll pick you up after school today and we'll go have some fun."
"You will, will you?"
"Oh yeah." He grins, like he's already won. Like it's guaranteed he's getting into my pants.
"Well, there's a problem with that."
"Oh? What problem?"
"I'm gay, remember? I have a girlfriend. Plus, aren't you dating Cordelia?"
"Oh, that's so over. Both of them."
"What do you mean "both of them"? Last I checked, there was only one Cordelia."
"I mean me and Cordelia and you and that Faith chick."
I throw my new ball. Whistle blows. A second whistle blows as Mark throws his new ball.
"Faith and I are still together."
"Really? Last I heard, she went and got herself raped in an alley." I freeze.
"Why do you think that?"
"Heard it around school. It's what everyone thinks happened. No one really believes it was just a mugging. Lot of people think she got raped. There are some, though, that think it was consentual. Said she wanted it to happen, and that she liked it. Why would you want to date damaged goods like that?"
I can't stop myself. The very next thing I know, Mark is on the ground holding his nose, his blood pooling on the floor, and a spot of his blood on my fist. I can't control myself. I'm suddenly on top of him, my fist plowing into his face until several strong arms yank me off of him.
"Get off of me!" I scream, trying to get back to Mark so I can murder his filthy, lying ass.
"Crazy slut! What the hell was that for?!" Mark screams at me, and his buddies, including my sister, are helping him to his feet, glaring at the crazy bitch who viciously attacked him for no reason.
...
Faith looks at the clock by her bed. 5:30 pm. Buffy is an hour and a half late. She's not coming. Why would she? Faith was broken. Damaged goods. Why would anyone want to date a girl when all they see when they're around them is a girl that let some guy she'd never known fuck her? Faith had been raped. She didn't deserve Buffy, anyway. Why would Buffy stick around with her?
But even knowing that, why did it hurt so much? Had she really expected Buffy to stay with her?