Sorry! this update took forever... like i said, no internet at home and school just started soooo I have a ton of shit to do...so I'm trying to update when i can. No worries, I'm still alive. Barely. Thank u all for your patience!

Enjoy~

chapter 23

Exam day was a day away. Izaya was tense, everyone could see it. He had locked himself up in his and Shizuo's room yet again and Shizuo, keeping true to his promise of not disturbing his lover, settled for going with Kasuka to the park for the day. He sat on the bench, Kasuka beside him and giving him a look from the corner of his eyes. "How's Izaya?"

"Busy," Shizuo murmured, leaning back and looking at the bright blue sky. "Exams are tomorrow so he's been studying all day."

"He's smart enough to pass without studying," Kasuka replied. "Isn't he?"

"It's still safe to study," Shizuo replied back. He shifted, shrugging and falling silent.

Kasuka felt the wave of uneasiness radiating from his brother. He shifted, looking up before looking back at his brother. "...You guys need to talk about this..."

"About what?"

"You know what."

Shizuo huffed, running a hand through his hair and standing, shoving his hands in his pockets. "There isn't anything to talk about. We talked about everything already."

"But you're still upset," Kasuka muttered as he stood, following as Shizuo started walking. He sighed and shrugged. "You're playing it off, Shizuo...he's gonna be gone soon, you need to-"

"Kasuka," Shizuo stressed, stopping and throwing his brother an exasperated look. "Please...stop."

It wasn't that he didn't want to talk about it, because he did, it was just that he was afraid of breaking down. He had avoided the whole topic all together to avoid bad thoughts, the previous cutting urges doing nothing to help. He couldn't talk about Izaya leaving...

"Sorry," Kasuka gave a small smile.

The two brothers spent the rest of the day walking aimlessly around time, stopping around mid afternoon at Russia sushi for lunch. After, Shizuo walked his brother home and then returned to Izaya's home. As he closed the front door he was met with Kururi and Mairu both crying and he blinked. "Girls, whats the matter?"

"Iza-Nii is being mean!" Mairu cried, rushing over and hugging herself to Shizuo. Kururi did the same, sniffling into Shizuo's waist. Shizuo blinked again before sighing. He ran his hands through both little girl's hair and knelled down to their level. "Hey, now calm down. Your brother is very busy studying, remember? He can't be distracted because he wants to do super good on his test."

"We don't want him to do good!" Kururi sniffled, glaring with red cheeks and teary eyes.

Shizuo tilted his head in mild confusion. "Why?"

"B-because th-then you're g-gonna go away!" Mairu sniffled.

"W-we heard M-mommy and D-daddy talking," Kururi added quietly, taking shuddering breathes. "M-mommy said that wh-when Iza-Nii g-goes away to c-college y-you're gonna m-move out, Shizzy!"

Shizuo stared and then looked away, running a hand through his hair. He stood up and sighed again. "...You two should go help your mom and dad make dinner." He walked past the girls, unable to find the words to stop their tears and ease their panic.

Failure. That's what he felt like now.

A failure.

A disappointment. Everything in between.

He walked into his and Izaya's room, finding the black haired male still at his computer, notebooks scattered about the computer desk. Izaya glanced over his shoulder before looking back at the computer. "You're back."

Shizuo shrugged his jacket off. "Yeah."

Izaya quickly scribbled something down in his notebook, eyes never leaving his computer screen. "How was your day?"

"Fine," Shizuo murmured, sitting on the bed and staring out the window. "Was with Kasuka."

"Mm." Izaya still didn't look up.

Shizuo glanced towards the other teen before looking back out the window. The sun was setting, city lights beginning to make themselves known. Shizuo sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Your sisters are crying."

Izaya still did not look up. "For what?"

"They don't want you to pass," Shizuo explained, frowning.

Izaya made the smallest of laughs. "Why?"

Shziuo smiled sadly. "...Because when you leave I'm moving back in with my parents."

Izaya froze, slowly looking over his shoulder at the blonde. "Pardon?"

Shizuo looked over at him. "You heard me."

Izaya frowned and looked back at his computer. "No you're not."

"I am," Shizuo murmured.

"Damn it, Shizuo!" Izaya threw his pen to the side and stood, stalking over to the bed with tired, stressed eyes. "Where the hell did this come from?"

"I decided it when I found out about your college plans," Shizuo stated simply, running a hand through his hair again. "...Don't worry about it."

"I'm gonna worry," Izaya snapped, crossing his arms. "That house is bad for you! You're not going!"

"Where the hell else do I go?!" Shizuo snapped back, sitting up fully. "You can't take me to college with you!"

"Yes, yes I can," Izaya stated simply.

"Well, I won't go," Shizuo hissed, gritting his teeth.

Izaya frowned. "And why the hell not?!"

"My whole life is here!" Shizuo growled. "My school, my brother, Shinra and Celty...everyone and everything is here, Izaya! I can't just leave all of it behind to follow you to college! I can't do that! I can't meet new people! I don't need another fucking town to hate me! I won't do it! I'd rather deal with my dad then have another town hate me for something I can't even control!"

Izaya blinked, slightly taken back as he watched Shizuo begin to shake. Izaya sighed, taking a deep breath and sitting beside his lover and pulling him into his arms. "...I'm sorry, Shizu-Chan...I'm just exhausted..."

Shizuo buried his face in Izaya's chest, clinging to Izaya's shirt. "...S-sorry..."

"No, stop," Izaya murmured, resting his chin atop Shizuo's head. "...I've been ignoring you alot...I don't even see why, I don't need to study. I should be spending whatever time I have left with you, Shizuo."

Shizuo leabed back and frowned. "...Once you take your exam we...we n-need to...talk. Right now I just...can't..."

Izaya frowned, realizing that he really had been ignoring a lot. He nodded, though, settling for changing into his night clothes and climbing into bed with Shizuo. The blonde curled up to him and Izaya, feeling guilty for being so shut in, ran his hands through Shizuo's hair. "I love you."

Shizuo stiffened slightly. "...I love you too."

Izaya nodded, satisfied, before closing his eyes. Sleep claimed him quickly and Shizuo sighed, inhaling his lover's scent.

He would miss that scent. He would miss the warmth beside him, around him. He would miss everything.

It'd be cruel to ask Izaya not to leave him...to give up college...

Shizuo couldn't do that. He refused to.

Next chapter shit starts rollin. Exam results come out, their summer starts...only a few chapters left guys. I hope I do a good job! Thank u, reviews! I love u all~