jeeeeze I'm terrible! Here's more, I apologize guys!

Enjoy~

chapter 33

When Izaya woke up, the first thing that registered in his mind was the pain. His head was throbbing like mad. The second thing that registered was that his mouth was dry, like it was full of cotton balls. The third thing? He had about point two seconds before he threw up all over his bed. He was in the bathroom faster than he thought, heaving up the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

"Morning sleeping beauty."

Izaya turned to glare at the older boy who lingered in the door way of the bathroom. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Izaya choked out a weak, "I'm going to murder you."

Ritsu looked away. "Not if Shizuo doesn't first." Was he smirking...?

"What do you-oh fuck," Izaya was puking again, the noise making Ritsu shudder.

Ritsu waited on the couch while Izaya threw up, looking up when the raven haired teen stumbled in. Izaya locked his eyes on Ritsu and growled under his breath. "You let me get drunk, bastard."

"It wasn't my job to babysit you," Ritsu murmured absently as he looked back at his laptop.

Izaya rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples. "Shizuo gave you the job to babysit me. Speaking of Shizuo, what did you say about him a minute ago?"

Ritsu halted his typing and slowly looked up. Slowly he smirked, tilting his head. "I said he's probably going to kill you after last night."

Izaya froze and stared at the older teen. "...What did you do?"

"Nothing, you did it," Ritsu murmured. He typed again and nodded at his screen. "I kissed you, you remember that. You almost hit me."

"Yeah, you son of a bitch," Izaya growled out.

"Well, you told Shizuo about us kissing...both times." Before Izaya could interject with an angry question, Ritsu turned his laptop to face him. "And uh, you were doing a lot more with other people. There's digital proof."

Izaya frowned and walked over and sat down, pulling the laptop onto his lap. His eyes widened. "Shit..."

He was dancing with guys and girls alike, his hands all over them. There was a picture of some guy, hell if he remembered who, leaning so close Izaya could have sworn he was kissing him. Scrolling through everything he stopped at a video and pushed play. The music from the party was blaring through the speakers and Izaya was downing a shot of what he assumed was vodka, Ritsu by his side. He watched, horrified, as the him on screen grabbed Ritsu and kissed him the way he kissed Shizuo. All heated and needy, as if his life depended on it. He stopped the video and began scrolling through the pictures again. "Christ, how many people did I fucking make out with?"

"A lot," Ritsu murmured, shrugging.

Izaya logged off of Ritsu's profile and logged onto his. There was a crap ton of comments waiting, but one stuck out. He stopped all movements as he read, 'Kasuka Heiwajima left a comment on your video'. His breath caught in his throat. "Damn it..."

It was the video of him kissing Ritsu, of all videos. Taking a breath, and praying silently to any and all Gods, Izaya checked the comment.

Kasuka Heiwajima: Interesting.

"Fuck!"

Ritsu flailed to catch the laptop Izaya had tossed away. Izaya was on his feet, hands flying through his hair as he started pacing. "Shit, shit, shit!" He turned to Ritsu. "Fuck!"

"Dude, what?" Ritsu read the comment and looked back at Izaya, lost. "You're acting like Shizuo saw this. This is just some random kid."

"That's Shizuo's brother," Izaya snarled, rushing over and yanking Ritsu up by the collar of his shirt. He was furious, hectic. "The kid already hates me! Don't you get it? He'll show that to Shizuo!"

"Well this shit was posted really late, and Shizuo doesn't have a profile," Ritsu pushed Izaya away and held up the laptop. "Just delete the pictures and videos. It's like, eleven. There's no way Shizuo would have seen those last night, right? I doubt his brother would have wanted to upset him late at night so maybe he was waiting. If you delete them, there's nothing to show."

"I should throw you out the fucking window!" Izaya snarled, snatching away the laptop. He got to work deleting everything, his heart hammering in his chest. He could only imagine what Shizuo would say about him kissing Ritsu...he just hoped Shizuo hadn't seen the pictures. No, that would have destroyed him. Izaya felt utterly stupid. He deleted all the pictures and then let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Bowing his head, Izaya grit his teeth and covered his face with his hands. "Fuck...After I promised him..."

Ritsu raised an eyebrow. "You were having harmless fun at a party, Izaya. No big deal."

"No big deal?" Izaya echoed, standing again. "No big deal? Ritsu, he's my boyfriend! No amount of alcohol makes any of this okay!" He stepped back and then pushed past Ritsu to his room and grabbed his phone. He dialed Shizuo's number, waited, and cursed when he got the voice mail.

"He's probably in class," Ritsu reminded with a smile. "And we need to get ready for class, too."

"What the hell are you playing at?" Izaya snapped as he stalked closer to Ritsu. Rage rolled off of him in waves. "You seem to be getting some twisted glee out of this shit. So, what the hell?"

Ritsu shrugged, a careless, easy action. "I guess I just like causing trouble. Don't worry, there's nothing else I have to do. But you know...Izaya Orihara can do better than some sensitive high school boy...can't he?"

"Burn in Hell," Izaya hissed, shoving past Ritsu.

Shizuo pulled out his phone when lunch rolled around, flipping it open and seeing a missed call and a bunch of texts from Izaya. He sighed heavily and looked up as Shinra plopped beside him. "So, have you talked to him yet?"

"No, I haven't," Shizuo put his phone away and ran a hand through his hair. He took a can of soda offered by Shinra and opened it, staring at it blankly. "...I...don't think I'll tell him I saw anything..."

Shinra paused for a moment and then shrugged, unwrapping his bento. He spoke softly, carefully. "Well, if that's what you want to do then okay."

"He was drunk," Shizuo continued as if Shinra hadn't spoken. "I mean, it was an accident...he'd never do that while he's sober. So, I mean...I won't bring it up. If he does then I'll talk about it but-"

"But you're afraid of what the conversation will lead to," Gathering up rice with his chopsticks, Shinra looked at his friend with the smallest of smiles. "It's not good for you, but you never really did look after yourself very well."

Shizuo smiled back weakly and took a sip of his soda. If he were to be perfectly honest, he hadn't slept the night before. He was too worked up, too confused and stunned. He was partially afraid that the conversation would start up, and he knew he wouldn't be able to talk about it with Izaya; he'd cry or get mad and say something stupid.

A fight was the last thing he wanted. Fighting with Izaya was tedious...painful. The idea of anymore pain between them left a bitter taste in Shizuo's mouth. Things had been going so well so...he could ignore one small, minor issue.

Lunch ended and they went back to class. Shizuo actually understood math, this year around; Izaya's fault entirely. He got another text half way through class, from Izaya probably; he didn't check it. He solved equations and listened to the teacher and just...focused. Like he was supposed to. When the bell rang, he and Shinra walked away from the school together. Shinra kept the topic off Izaya, being smart and all. Instead he talked about Kasuka, urging Shizuo to tell him about Kasuka's up coming auditions and such. Shizuo kept along with the conversation because it kept his mind busy and besides, he loved talking about his brother now. Kasuka had gotten a few commercial roles the past few months, and he was signing up for TV show and movie auditions and that was a big step. Shizuo was proud of his little brother. He wasn't envious anymore.

When he got home, he kicked his shoes off at the door. "I'm home."

"Shizuo, there was a call for you," His mother poked her head out from the kitchen, smiling just barely. "Your uh...boyfriend? He called here around noon."

Shizuo paused and then looked over at her. "I didn't answer his calls...sorry, I'll call him in a while."

Mrs. Heiwajima hesitated and then stepped further into the room. "...I know you probably wouldn't want to...but you can talk to me, if you're having problems, I mean..."

When he had first moved back in, Shizuo had sat down and had a long talk with his mother. He told her that all he ever wanted from her was love and support, like when he was a child. He told her what scars on his body were from her and which ones were from his dad. He assured her that not everything was her fault, that it had been his dad that caused most of the problems. But he wasn't gentle. He didn't hesitate to assure her that she had been a bad mother, that she didn't try at all. He had cried a lot, and mostly because he could see the pure regret and sadness on his mother's face as he continued to throw words at her.

His mother had spoken then, too. She admitted to being a bad mother, to picking favorites and not being fair. She told Shizuo that she never hated him, how could she? He was her first born child...but she had been scared and confused. Shizuo's father's attitude towards Shizuo's strength had been enough to make her stay silent and take it out on Shizuo. Shizuo both understood and hated that.

They agreed to start over because Shizuo wanted his mom in his life, and his mother wanted to be there.

"It's...complicated," Shizuo murmured as he trudged into the kitchen, his mother following after him. Opening the fridge he pulled out a pudding cup, ripped the lid off, and got a spoon. "...If I ask you something about you and dad, will you be honest with me?"

Mariko nodded and sat down at the table, tilting her head. "Of course...what is it, son?"

Shizuo ate a spoonful of pudding and then spoke. "Dad's...obviously drunk a lot...has he ever...cheated on you while drunk? Made out with another girl? With a couple other girls?"

Mariko paused, as if she was going to say something but then forgot it. Her eyes fell to the table and she took a breath, the action seemingly painful because she winced. "...Shizuo, your father has...problems, as I'm sure you know. I...yes, he's done that a few times."

Shizuo, spoon half way to his mouth, paused. "...And you're still with him?"

"Shizuo I...it's complicated..." Mariko sighed and gave her son a small smile. "I love your father. He wasn't always so...rough around the edges. The world just...got to him and he...he veered onto a bad path. He has his good days, still...days when he says he loves me or when he smiles and means it...it's just hard, I'll admit to that but-"

"You could have left," Shizuo cut her off gently, looking down at his pudding. He frowned and then looked up, thoughtful. "You could have packed Kasuka and me up...left...found a new guy and started over..."

"...Yes, I could have." Mariko nodded slowly. "Or I could have given you up for adoption when your strength settled in...or I could have left you and Kasuka with your grandmother years ago...there's a lot that I could have done, but I did what I thought was...best. At the time, of course."

"What was best..." Shizuo shook his head, leaning back. He took a breath and then sighed, looking at his mom. "Staying with him was best? Letting all this happen? Letting me feel like this for years and-"

"Keeping you and Kasuka together was what's best," Mariko cut in. She stared at Shizuo, a small smile on her lips. "Though you two boys didn't get along entirely...Kasuka loved you and separating you two...I couldn't do that. I've done things that I regret and I've been a terrible mother...but keeping you and Kasuka together is one thing I know I did right." She paused, sighing again. "But...yes. Your father has messed up a lot...but because I love him, I over looked it. Maybe it wasn't the best idea, but at those times it's what I believed would avoid fights...Does this have anything to do Orihara-kun?"

Shizuo nodded, short and quick. "...Yeah."

Mariko hesitated again and then nodded, mostly to herself. "Well...I won't pry. But people make mistakes Shizuo, it's human nature but...that doesn't mean you have to sit around and deal with it, too."

Shizuo stood from the table and nodded. "Yeah...thanks, mom. I'll be in my room." He gathered his pudding and spoon and made his way down the hallway. He paused in his brother's doorway, watching as his brother muttered to himself about something on the computer. "You alright, Kasuka?"

The boy turned in his chair to face Shizuo with an apathetic, curious look. "...Are you?"

Shizuo shrugged a little and looked at his pudding. "...I don't know, but I'll find out, I guess."

For a moment it seemed like Kasuka was going to say something but then, he shook his head and turned back to his computer. "I have an audition in a week. You should come."

"Can't miss school," Shizuo told him lightly, not looking over at him. "Good luck, though. Movie part?"

"TV show," Kasuka replied idly, typing away on his keyboard. "It's only for three episodes and the character I'm hoping to get dies, but it's still something. Kinda cool. I get to be brutally murdered by my mother."

Shizuo scoffed and couldn't help but smile. "Sounds nice. I'll be in my room, okay? Go to sleep at a decent time."

"I should be telling you that," Kasuka scoffed back, waving Shizuo away. "Bye."

Shizuo gave a low chuckle and went to his room, kicking the door shut behind him. He sat at his computer desk and pulled out his phone, flipping it open and staring. After heaving a long sigh, and finishing his pudding, Shizuo pushed the call button and waited.

Izaya answered on the second ring. "Shizuo?"

"Hey," Shizuo replied, forcing himself to smile. "Jeeze, you called me like forty times. I have classes to go to, you know."

On Izaya's end, the raven haired teen paused and slowly closed his text book. Shizuo didn't sound angry with him. "Ah, sorry I just felt bad about not calling you last night, babe."

Shizuo looked up at his ceiling and hesitated. He braced himself for the next part, forcing his voice to sound light and easy. "It's fine, but what did you do last night?"

Izaya felt like he was about to puke, but a part of him was hopeful and a bit glad. Shizuo didn't know! "Ah, just studied with Ritsu."

Shizuo closed his eyes, feeling his stomach churn.

Lie.

Izaya lied to him. Anger bubbled up inside of him and he bit his lip until he felt blood pooling in his mouth. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, he's bad at math, I think I told you that before," Izaya ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes. He lied. He lied to Shizuo. But that was for the best wasn't it? If Shizuo didn't know then there was no fight, no issues. "We stayed up late and did math for, like, hours. I got really tired and fell asleep, then I felt bad for not calling you so I tried to get ahold of you all day."

Shizuo forced up a laugh that made his entire body ache. "Sorry I didn't answer, then. I didn't do much last night. Went online, watched anime. I finished that one I stared a while ago, the one about the host club."

"Ouran," Izaya tried to make it sound like he was smiling. "Still didn't finish that yet. I'll have to one of these days."

"It's good," Shizuo felt his hands shaking and he took a breath. "Hey uh, I have a crap ton of homework to do, Izaya. I'll uh, talk to you later okay?"

"Oh, yeah...okay," Izaya hesitated. "Uhm...hey, wait..."

Shizuo paused. "Yes?"

"I...Ritsu and I...may have drank a little...while studying," Izaya murmured, looking down at the book in his lap. "So...uh-"

"You joked about the two of you kissing," Shizuo forced up a laugh. "No worries, you were tired and a little tipsy. Shit happens, it was just a joke." Shizuo grit his teeth. "Not like you'd do it. Anyways, homework. Talk to you later."

Izaya frowed. "...I love you."

Shizuo hesitated. "...I love you too." He hung up and stared at his phone, shaking his head.

Anger welled up inside of him and he threw his phone aside. "Fuck!"

He wasn't surprised when Kasuka was opening his door not a minute later. "Shizuo?"

"He lied," He stood and ran a hand through his hair. "He...he flat out lied, told me he was home with his room mate the whole time!"

"Did you call him out on it?" Kasuka murmured, shutting the door as he walked in.

"N-no, I...I thought maybe he'd be honest! That...that he'd..." Shizuo sunk to the floor, bringing his knees to his chest as he started to tremble. "Kasuka...what do I do...?"

Kasuka swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, kneeling down and setting a hand on Shizuo's shoulder. "...Do what you think is best, Shizuo...but from an outsider's view...letting him get away with it isn't right."

But Shizuo would let Izaya get away with it, he knew that already. Shizuo couldn't bring himself to accuse Izaya of something...like this. That was more unwanted drama, drama he knew would only hurt him and Izaya more.

Izaya tossed his phone aside and frowned at a smirking Ritsu. "The fuck are you smirking at?"

"Just the amazing liar, Izaya Orihara doing what he does best," Ritsu sauntered over and sat down on Izaya's bed with a playful smirk. "Lying, and to his boyfriend, too. Poor Shizuo doesn't even know how much of a flirt you really are."

"I'm getting real sick of you," Izaya snapped. He got off the bed and stood by the window at the quickly setting sun. "I didn't...this isn't what I wanted!"

"I think it is," Ritsu mumbled. He stood up and came to stand beside Izaya, head cocked to the side. "Izaya Orihara in a big city, in college. There's lot's of people...isn't this why you picked this place? You wanted a place where you could start trouble and never get caught, like you do best. I'm one of your biggest fans, along with half the guys here. We were so stoked to be able to see the real Izaya in play...but then you come sauntering in, some whipped little boyfriend who plans on behaving. Like, what the hell kind of shit is that?" He yanked Izaya around to face him, eyes wide and wild. "You're supposed to be the guy who doesn't take shit from anyone! Look at you, man, all worried about some kid that threw you off your own groove. You were respected, you were a god to some of us. You're going to let some kid ruin all you made for yourself?"

Izaya shoved the boy away and grit his teeth, running a hand through his hair. "Stop talking like you know me!" He was furious, blood boiling. "You don't know shit!"

"I know deep down you're just waiting for the chance," Ritsu snapped, fists clenched. "Just let lose, man! Shizuo will never know. You can just lie your way on by."

Izaya shook his head, again and again, covering his ears. "I'm not doing that shit again! Just leave me alone!"

For a while Ritsu stared at him, and this was a stare that made Izaya uneasy. It was a disappointed, calculating stare. But, then, after a few long and deathly silent minutes, Ritsu gave a small nod and left. Izaya was left alone in the dorm, his lie hanging heavily in the air, suffocating him.

Well, Ritsu is a jerk, eh? sorry guys, I've got a lot going on, I've got to start going to therapy for my head and...it's all a mess. I'm working hard though, I keep getting good ideas for this. The painful part is coming, so be warned. Reviews, lovelies? I love all of you, and thank you so much for sticking with me so long.