chapter 35

Okay, guys. This is now after the time skip, so...around the time in the anime that Mikado moves to Ikkebukuro, so it's around that time frame.

enjoy~

Six years and Ikkebukuro hadn't changed much, though Shizuo never expected it to change in the first place. He hadn't left at all though, so maybe it had changed and he just didn't notice it; that would have made sense. It had always been loud, had always been busy. Only now he was one of the many people that stalked the streets, heading to work in a rush. Not that he was late, though, but Tom wouldn't have minded very much if he was anyways. Tom was kind enough to give him leniency that he really didn't deserve. It was hot that morning, meaning the afternoon would be scorching. Great. The blonde weaved his way through the crowded sidewalk, a little bit glad that people were walking around him to avoid him; his reputation had it's perks.

Tom was leaning against the wall of Russia Sushi when Shizuo found him. Their eyes met and Tom smiled, pushing off of the wall. "Hey, morning."

"Morning," Shizuo murmured, coming to a stop. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket, let Tom lite it for him. He took a long, relaxing drag. "Ready?"

"Just about," Tom nodded, smiling.

Shizuo was grateful for Tom. Tom had been the best help when he'd fallen totally jobless and was sleeping on Shinra's couch. Sure, the job involved using the strength that he still hated more than anything, but he was getting paid for it, and most people left him alone. The two men fell into step, walking down the sidewalk and making small conversation.

Shinra Kishitani, now, didn't have much reason to leave the house that day. Celty was out doing whatever she did during the day and work was slow on his end. He shuffled around his home, fixing his glasses as he walked into the kitchen to pour himself some coffee. The T.V. was going in the back ground, some news station talking about the dreadfully hot weather. A knock at his door made him sigh to himself. "Just a second!" He called. He grabbed his coffee mug and shuffling to the front door and opening it, plastered on smile faltering and slipping away. "...Izaya?"

Crimson eyes stared at him, a smirk forming on pale lips as the raven haired man before him tilted his head. "Good morning, Shinra."

Shinra blinked a few times, trying to make sure he wasn't still asleep. "Uhm, hey, morning. Come in." He moved aside as Izaya strode in, all tall and confident like Shinra remembered him. "What are you doing here?"

"In your house or in Ikkebukuro?" Izaya murmured.

Izaya didn't look too different to Shinra. Tall, thin with a smirk that still made him both uneasy and irritated. His hair was as short as it had been all those years ago and the man wore black jeans with a fur-lined coat. Shinra took a long sip of coffee before speaking again. "Both, actually."

Izaya shrugged, too casual for this situation. "I moved back near here so I came to see you. Were you busy?"

"No, not really," Shinra admitted with a shrug back. "It's good that you showed up now and not when Celty was still home. She still wants to kick you in the face."

Izaya scoffed. "What? Why? I didn't do anything."

Shinra raised an eyebrow, walking past the taller male. "Do you not remember who you broke up with six years ago?"

The amused look on Izaya's face melted, replaced by a bitter frown. He followed Shinra into the living room and sat on the couch, sighing. "How is he?"

"Shizuo?" Shinra murmured as he changed the channel on the TV. "He's fine. He's at work right now."

"Work?" The raven haired male sounded too surprised. "What does he do?"

"He's a debt collector...or at least, he works for one. He's a body guard. He does the scaring part when people try to bullshit their way out of paying back what they owe," Shinra muttered. "He's made good use of his reputation, at least."

"The Monster of Ikkebukuro?" Izaya guessed. "Is that reputation still floating around?"

"Floating? Izaya, it's been his only name since you and him broke up," Shinra scoffed. He drank more of his coffee before shaking his head. "...Things got pretty bad when you two split."

"I wasn't the one who broke it off," Izaya snapped, eyes locking on the TV screen.

"You didn't give him a choice," The other stated softly. "But, I won't get into that. Shizuo took up that bad habit again after that. He went to the hospital a few times because of it."

Izaya held back a sigh and looked at the other again. "That it?"

"He got pretty violent, too," Shinra continued, as if Izaya hadn't spoken. "His family wasn't so nice, but by then he was living with me and Celty for a bit. He built up a pretty bad reputation, but I guess it all worked out for the best. He cleaned up after high school ended, stopped the cutting and just started smoking instead. Tom Tanaka caught up with him and he got a job that his anger wouldn't get him fired from. So, basically, he's doing pretty well. He's stable, for the most part, and I really hope he doesn't run into you."

Izaya scoffed and raised an eyebrow. "Now isn't that a little harsh?"

"Not at all, you prick," Shinra stated, smiling calmly before looking towards the TV. "He's doing good now; I'd rather not watch him fall apart all over again. It may not matter to you, it probably never really did, but it's a little painful to see him go from somewhat strong to entirely fragile." He turned back to Izaya, his smile fading. "He cried a lot, Izaya...and it's pretty nerve wracking to get a call from his hysteric brother, hearing him screaming that Shizuo's passed out on the bathroom floor, that there's blood everywhere and his brother isn't moving."

Izaya twitched, or at least it seemed like he did. He was standing before Shinra could utter another word, turning on his heel with a chuckle. "Then he's a dramatic baby. I'll see you around, I have clients to meet up with."

Shinra sighed as he watched Izaya leave. He had half the mind to grab his phone and text Shizuo, but he knew that would only throw Shizuo into an emotional fit. He put aside the urge to text and settled back into the couch, watching TV.

The sun was high in the sky the next day, and Shizuo was following Tom around town. It was a slow work day, not that he was complaining. He heaved a yawn, feeling the slight strain in his back and then winced. Tom caught it from the corner of his eye and looked at the blonde. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just slept wrong last night," Shizuo grunted. "Fell asleep on the couch."

Tom laughed softly, elbowing the other lightly. "You need to take better care of yourself, man."

Shizuo rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. "I do. I do. Shut the hell up, will ya?"

"I'm just saying," Tom chuckled. He slowed down and glanced up at the sky. "You up for Russia Sushi?"

"Guess so, yeah," Shizuo nodded. They turned a corner onto a more crowded street and Shizuo was going to space out, he really was because that's all he ever did. But a voice reached his ear, a voice that made him stop dead in his tracks. He looked around, nearly frantic, and Tom raised an eyebrow at him. "Shizuo? You okay?"

"That fucking voice," Shizuo hissed. "What the fu-..." His words died on his lips when his mocha eyes settled on a hauntingly familiar figure.

There he was, Izaya mother fucking Orihara, looking as calm and delighted as he always did. He was talking to some kids from Raira, the uniforms gave that away, and the damned flea seemed totally unaware of Shizuo's presence. A flurry of emotions washed over Shizuo; anger, confusion, fear, despair, desperation...and then it all settled on rage. He grit his teeth, looking around. "That son of a bitch!"

Tom jerked back and blinked, stunned. "Shizuo, what the hell? What's wrong?"

"My bastard ex," Shizuo snarled as he pushed back Tom, stomping towards a large, heavy trash can that sat a few feet away. Tom flinched and stepped out of the way, watching with exasperation as he heard the angry grunting from his blonde friend. Shizuo pulled the trash can up like it weighed nothing, holding it over his head with wide, angry eyes. Tom stepped aside, not saying a word as he watched people around them start to disperse. Shizuo growled, a sound that rumbled low in his throat and chest. "Damn it!"

The trash can went soaring, slamming into the unsuspecting Izaya. The three children, Mikado Ryuugamine, Masaomi Kida and Anri Sonohara all gasped, stepping back as the flea skidded away with a pain-filled grunt. The blonde one of the group, Masaomi, looked over his shoulder and let out a barely there, nervous laugh. "Oh, holy shit..."

Izaya winced, taking a second to regain his senses before he stood up. He figured who had thrown it...hell, there was no other person that would throw a fucking thrash bin at someone, anyways. He turned and wiped his mouth, watching as a familiar blonde came walking up. Though Shizuo had grown some, might have actually been taller than Izaya now. He wore a smirk, though it was a smirk Izaya knew was hiding rage and, maybe, something else and...was that a bartender outfit? Didn't Shinra say he was a debt collector...?

Shizuo sauntered up, hands shoved in his pockets. "Well, well...what's up, Izaya?"

Shit, now that sounded pretty angry.

Izaya raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly, but he couldn't stop his eyes from taking in the sight of Shizuo up and down. Desire hit him like a brick to the face and he didn't reply. Shizuo grit his teeth before speaking. "I didn't think I'd see you back here in Ikkebukuro after what happened. You remember that, don't you?"

Izaya forced up a scoff. "Shizu-Chan...I didn't know you were a bartender."

"I'm not, I got fired from that job ages ago," Shizuo snapped. He tilted his head. "And don't call me that, asshole."

"Oh, relax a little Shizu-Chan," Izaya smirked, though his body was rigid. "So we had a little disagreement about the company I keep, no need to still be mad at me." That was a lie. He was still mad at himself, for fuck's sake. But this wasn't the place to have this talk, here in this public street.

Shizuo almost twitched, but he was good at keeping himself composed now. That smirk on Izaya's face was making him sick to his stomach, made him want to run home and hide forever. But, he wasn't like that anymore, as far as Izaya knew. He couldn't let Izaya know how much of a hold he still had over him; that wasn't good, not at all. "I'm not mad at all; I just really want to beat the shit out of you."

"You're so unreasonable sometimes," Izaya murmured. But somehow, it felt like old times again. It reminded him of when he had first met Shizuo, how the blonde had hated him from the start, wore the exact same expression he had now. He flipped out his switch blade as if it was that same day, and a part of him hoped Shizuo felt the nostalgia as well. "Let's not have this conversation here." Really, the three sets of teenage eyes watching him was making this exceedingly difficult.

Shizuo didn't have the time to respond, though Izaya was sure he wouldn't have anyways. The sounds of footsteps made them all look, watching as a group of none-too savory men circled them. Instantly, Izaya went rigid again, and Shizuo looked like he was entirely irritated with the entire situation. The men looked pathetically gang related and it made Izaya sigh inwardly. The whispers started up almost instantly when eyes were laid on Shizuo who was staring at Izaya, ignoring the existence of anyone else and exuding a vibe of pure rage.

"Is that...?"

"Shit, that's Shizuo Heiwajima!"

"No, no way!

"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"That guy!"

Izaya couldn't help the irritated scowl that formed on his lips. People here still haven't learned respect...Shizuo isn't some monster.

He could have voiced that out loud, but he kept quiet. Shizuo stared back at him, unamused and wavering between screaming out every profanity he knew. or turning around and leaving. Leaving would be nice, he'd be able to cry at home if he left now. But leaving meant he wouldn't see Izaya, and the flea still looked just as gorgeous as he remembered and it made him sick.

The yell of some one behind him (he didn't give a damn who did it) broke him from his thoughts as something hard slammed against the back of his head. He stumbled, pain shooting from the back of his head and down his spine, and almost doubled over. Izaya watched, slightly wide eyed, as the man who had struck Shizuo stepped back, seemingly proud of himself. Izaya's grip on his switch blade tightened; he didn't like that, he didn't like watching that at all.

Fuck.

He didn't have to react, though, because Shizuo was suddenly growling, and the group of men around them were shaking. Izaya watched as Shizuo stood straight, blood trickling down his face, the face that was still as it was when Izaya left, yet different entirely.

"You hit me in the back of the head," Shizuo's voice was quiet, though Izaya could hear the barely contained rage. "A blow like that could kill someone...you were aiming to kill me, you son of a bitch!"

Now, Izaya had never seen Shizuo fight, not really. There had been that period of time in high school where they fought, yeah, but that had all been Shizuo throwing shit here and there. He knew Shizuo could lift and throw, but he didn't know the extent of the blonde's hand to hand. Needless to say, Izaya's eyes were wide when he watched Shizuo throw the men around like they were mere ragdolls. He was a bit scared himself, seeing his once lover (who he knew to be fragile) throwing punches and kicks as if it was an everyday occurrence.

But, then he had to remind himself that it probably was an everyday thing even if he didn't like it. He didn't like Shizuo's reputation then, and he didn't like it now. He didn't like how people gawked and cowered from Shizuo back then, and he certainly hated it now, too. There wasn't anything he could do, though, because he wasn't dating Shizuo, and Shizuo hated him. If he defended the blonde now, nothing good would come of it. So, he forced up a smirk that was so cocky, he hated himself. "Well, be seeing you around, Shizu-Chan!"

Shizuo whirled around, feeling his heart thud against his rib cage. He tossed aside the guy he was holding by the shirt, running past the stunned and probably scared Raira students and following after the cocky bastard. "IIIIIZZZAAAAYAAAA!"

Izaya nearly tripped when the blonde's voice reached his ear; Shizuo sounded so angry that it made the raven's blood run cold. He sped up, turning a sharp corner and was thankful that people side stepped, avoiding the on-coming rage storm that was Heiwajima Shizuo. He could hear Shizuo's footsteps pounding behind him and it made him both thrilled and terrified; Shizuo hadn't been this aggressive towards him in years. He whirled around on his heel, Shizuo at the end of the street, glaring at him with enough intensity to freeze him in his place. Izaya didn't know why he was still smirking, but he was. "Such anger, Shizu-Chan."

"Stop acting like it's so surprising," But really, he was angry. He was angry Izaya could smirk so freely, was angry at himself for feeling so upset still. It was years ago, he should have been over all of it, should have been over Izaya. He grit his teeth. "The hell are you doing here in Ikkebukuro?"

Izaya shrugged, cocking his head to the side. "Decided to move back; this always was a fun city, after all. You're not at all happy to see me?"

"Don't be an idiot," Of course he was happy to see him; he was delighted. "Your face pisses me off."

No, no Izaya wasn't going to let the other know that the comment had stung. "Aww, sorry. Oh, wait...no I'm not."

Shizuo hissed under his breath. Really, he had better things to be doing, like getting sushi with Tom. But he couldn't bring himself to leave because then he probably wouldn't see Izaya for days, maybe. That was probably a good thing, but he hardly cared. "Get lost, you flea."

"That's mean; I'm not bothering anybody." Izaya held his hands up in defense.

"You're bothering me," Shizuo snapped.

Izaya tilted his head, arching an eyebrow. "You sure you don't just want to kiss me?"

Shizuo's eyes widened and, for a second, he saw red. He grit his teeth and marched all the way to Izaya, snatching the raven haired male by the front of his shirt. Shizuo was so angry he was shaking, gritting his teeth as he tried to speak evenly. "How fucking dare you!"

Izaya smirked, fully aware that Shizuo was three seconds from beating him into next week. He lifted a hand to grip Shizuo's wrist and let out a quiet chuckle. "You never change, do yo-..." Izaya's words died on his lips, as if his suddenly his voice gave out entirely. Shizuo frowned and followed Izaya's line of sight, which had moved from Shizuo's face to his exposed wrist.

Oh.

Oh.

Izaya saw them clearly from his angle, though he wasn't sure how. The scars were long and jagged, some crisscrossing over Shizuo's wrist and more disappearing underneath of the blonde's sleeve. They looked as if they had been deep at one point, and painful, and it made Izaya's heart thud against his rib cage almost painfully. Shizuo let him go and stepped back, nearly stumbling because he had moved too fast, and Izaya reached out to grab Shizuo's sleeve, though he missed. "Shizu-"

"Shut the fuck up." Shizuo hissed, glaring with enough intensity to melt Izaya on the spot. "Just...don't even say anything!"

Izaya's fists clenched and unclenched, his throat burned with the words that, for some god damn reason, wouldn't come out. He watched with wide crimson eyes as Shizuo turned and ran away from him.

Away from him.

He was shaking; he didn't realize it until now. He brought a hand up to run it through his hair but, instead, he gripped his hair, tighter and tighter until the pain had his eyes watering. Or, maybe he was just crying anyways, he really didn't know. The scars, they were there. Yeah, Shinra had told him they were, he told Izaya what had happened, but seeing it... it all made Izaya's chest ache, made the memory of that night at Shizuo's flash through his mind again and again. He backed up into a wall, shaking his head a few times and letting out a shuddering breath. "Fuck!"

Shizuo slammed the door shut as he walked into is apartment, his entire body trembling. That hadn't been what he expected and it wasn't supposed to happen. Izaya wasn't supposed to see that, and Shizuo wasn't supposed to be so...so cowardly. He was supposed to be okay without Izaya, he was supposed to be strong and scary and everything else, not this. He wasn't supposed to be breaking. Izaya wasn't allowed to have that kind of an affect on him, not any more. Not after all that had happened back then.

Shizuo took a breath to calm himself, sitting on his couch as he whipped out his phone. He dialed Shinra's number, his lips quivering as he waited for the other to pick up. Shinra picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

"He's here," The words tumbled past his lips before he realized it. "Izaya...he's here."

There was a pause on Shinra's end that had Shizuo nearly screaming in frustration. "Yeah...Yeah, I know he is. He came by here this yesterday."

Shizuo frowned at the wall as he took a breath. "And...you didn't think to, you know, tell me? Shoot a text? Call me? Anything?"

"Well, you were at work," Shinra said quickly. "And I told him to leave you alone...but I guess it's kind of stupid to assume he'd listen to me, now that I think about it..." He sighed once. "Did he mess with you?"

"Yes!...No...I don't know, I just...I don't feel okay, Shinra," Shizuo leaned back into the couch and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I...I did good at first but I let him taunt me and then...I don't fucking know. It hurts."

"What hurts?" Shinra's voice was louder, worried.

Shizuo managed a small roll of his eyes. "My heart does." Damn, did he feel stupid saying that out loud. He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "What am I supposed to do?"

Shinra sighed too, exasperated from what it sounded like. "I don't know, Shizuo. I really don't. I'd say ignore him but really..."

"That's not possible," The blonde hissed out. "He's Izaya for fuck's sake. How am I supposed to ignore him? Even if he doesn't talk to me I'll still know the fucker's here."

Shinra sighed once, a soft yet slightly exasperated sound. "...I don't know, Shizuo. Maybe he'll use his head and actually leave you alone, but I wouldn't bet money on it."

Shizuo nodded to himself and sighed again. "Yeah, yeah. I gotta go. Bye." He hung up before the other could reply, tossing his phone onto the coffee table and falling onto his side on the couch. His apartment was quiet save for the noise that came from the bustling streets outside. He was used to the noise; it was what he grew up around. It was comforting on a certain level, enough to make him calm down considerably. He sighed again and threw his arm over his eyes, hoping to fall asleep.

Izaya, on the other hand, was wide awake as he sat in his computer chair in his spacious home. It was elegant and huge, probably originally meant for a couple or something. But it was just Izaya here, alone in front of his computer. He was chatting online, under his flattering 'Kanra' alias, messing with that Mikado boy he had meet earlier; not that Mikado knew it was him, but Izaya didn't care either way. Not right now, at least. He was jittery, tapping his fingers on is computer desk as he stared at the screen. It had taken him some time to calm down once he got home, but now instead of being hectic, he was numb. He hated that, too.

He pushed away from the computer, chat room forgotten as he walked to his kitchen. He made himself some coffee, leaning against the counter as he sipped from his mug. He stared into his coffee, a frown on his lips. Faintly, his computer chirped with chat room alerts. Not that he cared, though. He finished off his coffee before making his way up the stairs to the bathroom where he shucked off his clothes. The water was nearly scalding when he got in and he winced, fixing it until it was just right. He hadn't felt like this in a while, not since he and Shizuo split up. Things had been a mess then, and he remembered punching that damn room mate of his until the kid fell unconscious to the floor. He drank alot, too, and that's when he really picked up his 'information broker' deal. It kept him busy, kept money in his pockets.

Sure, he missed Shizuo the whole time. He missed him like hell. He couldn't date, and even one night stands didn't feel right. Those men and women didn't have the same hands as Shizuo, didn't say his name in the same tone Shizuo had. It felt wrong and anyone else's hands on his body burned like hell. He was a mess. He knew it, which was why after six years he had moved back here. It was a stupid choice, when he thought about it, but it all worked out on works end, too. He could get good business here, and maybe see Shizuo too. But, now that he had seen Shizuo, all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and die.

He had to remind himself, though, that he had caused most of it. If he hadn't lied that one time...

"Brilliant," He muttered to himself. "A shower time pity party."

He didn't feel right knowing that the scars on Shizuo were because of him...again. He wasn't going to let that sit...he couldn't. An idea lingered in his mind, and even if Shizuo stayed angry after, well Izaya would have to deal with it.

"You feeling any better?" Tom yawned, squinting at the gray clouds that had settled in the sky. It was a good two days after the run in with Izaya.

Shizuo took a drag of his cigarette and puffed it out, shrugging as he walked beside the man. "Guess so. Tired."

Tom nodded once, not asking any further. He knew Shizuo would talk about it if he wanted to, not if he was pushed to. But, he was still curious. "...Your ex, huh?"

Shizuo glanced at him. "Yeah."

"He was kinda cute," Tom admitted with a shrug.

Shizuo shrugged back. "...He's gorgeous but he's a dick."

"They usually end up that way," Tom chuckled. "How do you feel about him being around?"

"Nervous," Shizuo snapped, shaking his head and taking another drag. "Irritated, too."

"I can understand that. "Tom murmured slowly. "Do you want a few days off? To collect your thoughts?"

Shizuo shook his head. "No, man, I'm fine. Thanks, though. I'm fine."

Tom nodded again and they continued on. It was a slow day, mostly just walking. The sun was getting ready to set when Shizuo felt a shiver run down his spine. Something was about to happen, and he was not prepared. He whirled around on reflex, his eyes widening and then narrowing as they locked on the form that stood a few yards ahead of him. "Izaya!"

Tom stopped and looked over, walking over and nudging Shizuo's arm. "Hey man, let's just-"

"Shizu-Chan, I'm glad I ran into you," Izaya purred, hands in his pockets. "Care to talk?"

"Fuck you," Shizuo snapped, rolling his eyes and looking away. "Let's go Tom-"

"I'll follow you," Izaya sang, already skipping towards them. He saw Shizuo flinch and smirked wider. "Unless you wanted that all along...my, my Shizu-Chan, sly little one aren't you?"

Shizuo let out an agitated grunt, looking at Tom. "Go on. I'll call you later."

Tom gave one final, unsure look between the two before nodding and leaving. Izaya watched the man walk away, his eyes meeting Shizuo's after Tom was out of view. "Aw, that your boy friend, Shizu-Chan?"

Shizuo took a breath, gritting his teeth. "No, he's my boss. What the fuck do you want?"

"To talk," Izaya replied, shrugging. "You know how to do that, don't you?"

"Don't be a dick."

"Don't be stupid, then."

Shizuo shot forward to grab the other but Izaya jumped back, turning on his heel and running. Shizuo followed after him, like he knew the blonde would, seething mad. Izaya sprinted down the sidewalk, Shizuo not too far behind, weaving through the crowds and ducking into less populated alleys. He could hear Shizuo's foot steps behind him, heavy and angry, and it made him smirk to himself. They entered a quieter part of town, jumping over gates and ducking through alleys until Izaya came to a complete stop. Shizuo nearly plowed into him, stunned by the sudden halt. The two stared at each other, Shizuo with narrowed eyes and Izaya panting slightly. Izaya threw his hands up, his smirk melding into a smile. "...Look where we are."

Shizuo frowned and looked around. They were standing in wood chips, and near them was a set of swing sets, and a play ground structure not too far away as well. Shizuo's eyes widened; this was their park, the one they always came to together. His heart skipped a beat and she shot a glare at Izaya. "...Why did you bring me here?"

Izaya let his arms fall to his sides, taking a deep breath and shrugging. "...I wanted to talk to you."

"What for?" Shizuo spat, fists clenched.

Izaya shrugged yet again. "...About us?"

Shizuo blinked, slightly taken back. "Us...? Th-there is no us!"

"And I think we need to fix that," Izaya stated firmly.

Shizuo scoffed, shaking his head. "Oh? That's what this is about? Fuck you. Oh, wait, you've probably got someone on the side for that like you had that shitty room mate."

"For the record, I beat the shit out of that 'shitty room mate' when we broke up," Izaya cut in, holding a hand up. "...I want to explain myself. Let me do that, at least, and you can yell, scream...you can do whatever you want. Just...please, let me say what I have to say, Shizuo."

Shizuo looked away, his frame shaking slightly. He stormed past Izaya and sat down in one of the swings, glaring towards the black haired nuisance. "Fine. Talk."

Izaya glanced up at the sky, taking a deep breath;he honestly hadn't expected to get this far, but he wasn't about to screw it up. He looked back at Shizuo before looking down at his feet. "...I'm sorry."

Shizuo's eyes widened a fraction and he gripped the chains of the swing tighter. His heart was thudding against his rib cage and he was worried if it got an faster, it'd break right through. "For what?"

Izyaya ran a hand through his hair as he let out a long sigh. "For...hell, everything? I...I need to explain somethings about what happened. First of all, I never slept with Ritsu, alright? I kissed him, yeah, and it was a dick move...but I never slept with him."

Shizuo looked away slowly. "...What about all those girls? And the other guys? What about lying to me?"

"You let me lie," Izaya countered. He held up a hand before the blonde could snap at him. "But it's still no excuse for me to lie. I promised you I'd be there for you, that I'd be honest...but I was afraid of hurting you, so I lied to you."

"You thought lying to me was better than being honest?" Shizuo stood up again, head cocking to the side in irritation. "On what planet does that make any sense?!"

"I was scared, Shizuo," Izaya snapped back, stepping closer. "You...you were the most fragile thing I'd ever had in my life. I was supposed to take care of you and it was bad enough that I left you here while I moved." He ran a hand through his hair again as he grit his teeth. "...You don't get how badly I wanted to take you with me. Do you think I liked being there and knowing you were alone?"

"You sure looked like you didn't give a damn in all those pictures," Shizuo grunted as he pulled out a cigarette. He lit it and took a drag and looked away.

Izaya grit his teeth and walked over, plucking the cigarette from the blonde's lips and tossing it down, stepping on it for good measure. "I was in college, Shizuo, okay? I don't have any valid excuses aside from the fact that I was having fun."

"You were in a relationship," Shizuo hissed at him. "You're supposed to act like it."

"I don't know how!" Izaya yelled, shoving the blonde back with a rough shove. "You were the first person I actually dated! I was learning, just like you were! Everything before you had been one night stands, just like everything after you! I was learning how to be in a relationship and I fucked up. I did! Not you, me! You had every right to dump me. I should have begged for you to forgive me that day on the phone. I should have gotten on the first plane home and marched right up to you and talked this out, maybe then we wouldn't be like this!"

Shizuo stepped back, trying to get more distance between the two of them. "Like what?"

"Like this!" Izaya hissed, throwing his hands up. "Yelling in a god damn park six years later!"

Shizuo wasn't sure if he was hearing all of this correctly. After six years Izaya was trying to apologize? "...You...you're sick! It's been six years, Izaya! If you felt this torn up about it then why didn't you come to me sooner!"

Izaya opened his mouth, as if he was going to have some sort of quit witted response, but nothing was said. He clenched his fists and looked down, gritting his teeth. "I...I was hoping that you'd hate me...or at least, that if I waited long enough to come back, then when I finally saw you I...I wouldn't feel anything."

Shizuo took a breath that sounded shakier than he had wanted it too. He tore his eyes away from the other and shook his head. "And how did that work out for you?"

Izaya didn't respond right away. He was silent, so much so that Shizuo eventually forced himself to look back at him. When he did, the other was already staring at him, a small smile on his lips as tears glistened in his eyes. "Well...you were just as beautiful as when I left...so I guess it didn't work at all."

Shizuo's eyes widened and he stepped back, his hands shaking at his side. No, no none of this was supposed to be happening. He was supposed to hate Izaya. He was supposed to be angry, not wanting to wrap the other in his arms... "Fuck!"

Izaya jerked in surprise at the other's out burst, stepping back when Shizuo marched towards him. Shizuo snatched him up by the front of his shirt, head down and eyes hidden. "You...you're such a pain! You think you can waltz back here six years later, apologize and expect me to fall for you all over again?! That's total bullshit, Izaya!"

Izaya grit his teeth and pushed at the hand that held him. "I didn't expect anything! I just wanted to tell you that I love you, damn it! I always have! I should have treated you better because you deserve better! You deserve the world and then some, for God's sake, Shizuo! I...I'm so fucking sorry and...and the fact that I put more scars on you is ripping me apart!"

Shizuo looked up, brown eyes glistening with tears as he shook harder. "I needed you!"

"I know that!" Izaya shot back. "And I wasn't there! I should have! I shouldn't have let you leave, I was an idiot!"

"You're still an idiot!" Shizuo snapped back, dropping Izaya and shoving him away. He brought a hand up to wipe at his eyes, gritting his teeth as he felt his face burn up; great, now he was going to start sobbing. "You just...you promised..."

Izaya took a breath to calm his rapid breathing, clenching his fists to keep himself from walking towards the other. "...I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yeah, well you did." Shizuo snapped, glaring at the other. "You...you never think about how your actions affect everyone else! Just like in high school, only this time it wasn't my dad hurting me because of what you did. It's you. It's fucking you and you broke every damn promise you ever made to me. How did you even sleep at night?! Because I sure as hell didn't!"

"I didn't sleep!" Izaya spat out. "I didn't sleep unless I was drunk, you moron! I fell apart without you!"

"You had a phone," Shizuo hissed.

Izaya shut his mouth and nodded, looking down. He ran a hand through his hair slowly, laughing softly. "...Would you have really answered my calls, Shizuo? After all I did to you?"

Shizuo, his breathing ragged and his face flushed as the tears made their way down his cheeks, looked away. "...Hell no."

Izaya looked up with a small smile and shrugged slowly. "...Then that's why. Yes, I...I was an idiot. I still am...and here we are yelling in the middle of a park, in the rain like a couple of teenagers. Yeah, it's stupid and it's all my fault...but I'm trying to fix it. I...I don't expect you to still be in love with me. Hell, I'd hate me too. I do hate me. So...so i'll just go, okay? I'll go and leave you alone. I'll move if that's what you want, for crying out loud. Just...I just wanted you to know the truth. I loved you then and I love you still...and I always will. So...sorry."

Shizuo watched in silence as the other turned and started to walk away. He looked down, fists clenched. A part of him was seething mad, still, but another part of him...didn't care. It was years ago, he tried to tell himself, and Izaya had told him the truth. He heard what he wanted to hear back then...so what now?

What now?

Izaya kept his eyes on the side walk as he walked away. He had a reputation to uphold, after all and couldn't be seen walking away and crying. He'd cry at home. Yeah, that sounded nice. The sounds of the passing traffic kept his mind busy until he got home, slamming the door shut behind him. He was soaking wet, but only shrugged off his coat and left it on the floor by the door. He sat at his computer desk and stared at the ceiling. Well, now that he was home, he couldn't even bring himself to cry. Hell, he didn't deserve to cry. He let out a soft scoff, pinching the bridge of his nose. "And yet again...I ruined him, didn't I?"

He forced himself out of his chair and to his kitchen. His wet clothes were making him shiver and after turning on his coffee pot, he tugged off his shirt and let it fall to the kitchen floor. He'd pick it up later when he had the energy to. He watched the coffee brew absently. Shizuo was probably home by now, probably angry and fuming. Maybe he was breaking things, at least, instead of hurting himself. Actually, who knows, maybe he was doing that too. Izaya couldn't be sure anymore. The idea, though, made him wince. He shook his head free of those thoughts. Shizuo was home drying off, maybe even on the phone with Shinra because didn't he always call Shinra when he was in distress? Yeah, that made-

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Three rapid knocks had Izaya jumping in surprise. He hesitated and walked to the door, staring at it. Who would be stopping by? No one but Celty and Shinra knew where he lived. Unless Celty was here to beat his face in; that made sense. Izaya heaved a sigh and opened the door. "Celty, I'm in no mood for-...Sh-Shizuo...?"

Shizuo stood before him, soaking wet and eyes puffy from crying. Izaya's eyes widened and he stepped back, as if the other was getting ready to hit him. Shizuo stepped in, slamming the door shut behind him. Izaya nearly stumbled over his feet. "Shizuo I-"

"Shut up for once in your life," Shizuo hissed, reaching out and grabbing Izaya's arm to pull him closer. He crashed their lips together and both of them froze for a brief moment.

Then, Izaya's hands were gripping onto the body before him, hands tangling in Shizuo's hair. Shizuo kissed him with enough passion to nearly knock him senseless. Almost. Izaya pushed him away with wide eyes, gulping slowly. "Shizuo...?"

Shizuo stared at him, a hand resting on Izaya's cheek as he managed a weak glare. "...You never gave me a chance to reply, idiot."

Izaya blinked a few times and then laughed a little. "...And here I thought you were here to kill me."

"The thought crossed my mind," Shizuo admitted with a lazy shrug. His glare melted away and he looked down, letting his hand fall away from Izaya's face. "...I don't hate you. I hate what you did."

Izaya caught his hand and held it, lacing their fingers together as he used his other hand to make Shizuo look at him. "I know...I'll spend forever making it up to you, Shizuo."

Shizuo smiled slowly and sighed. "I don't know..."

"Don't make me beg," Izaya huffed, tugging on the blonde's hand.

Shizuo hesitated. "...I really think you should ask Celty permission first, you know. She's ready to throw you through a window. I uh, told her what happened at the park."

Izaya blinked and then frowned. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Well...I asked her and Shinra where you lived," Shizuo replied bluntly. "I kinda had to tell them why I wanted to see you. Shinra thought I was on my way to break your neck."

Izaya scoffed and shook his head. "Of course..." He sighed once again before growing serious. "I am sorry, you know."

Shizuo sighed and nodded. "I know."

Izaya stepped away and held his hand out, smiling at Shizuo. "...Let's start over. Hi. I'm Izaya Orihara."

Shizuo couldn't stop the smile that formed on his lips. He took hold of the other's hand, shaking it slowly. "I'm Shizuo Heiwajima. Nice to meet you."

Izaya smiled back brightly, pulling the blonde into him and hugging him tightly. Shizuo melted in is embrace, hugging him back and shaking. IZaya ran his hand through the blonde's hair slowly, smiling still.

There's one more chapter! One more left! You guys are great, really, for reading this far. Seeeeee? I told you it ended fine! The last chapter will be up once I can sit down and write it. I've had a crap ton of school stuff to do and stuff. Senior year sucks... reviews!