Part, the Fourth
Things Shattered
Kagome stood on the Wall, watching Saruman's great army marching towards Helm's Deep. Closing her eyes, she centered herself and knocked an arrow. Chants and curses rose up from the creatures approaching and the drums they beat seemed to carry a bit of Moria in the noise.
"We hold the Wall until dawn," she murmured to Kirara. "Just a few hours, really."
The neko youkai let out a fierce roar in agreement, her tails swishing with anticipation. The miko nodded, but swallowed down the fear that threatened to choke her. All the wars that had filled her life and she still felt sick every time.
Suddenly, an arrow was shot into the Uruk-hai front line-completely accidentally. Kagome would have laughed, had this been a movie, for the silent shock that fell on both sides was humorous in its totality.
Unfortunately, the next instance proved that this was very real and there were going to be a lot of dead people soon. The Uruk-hai bellowed their offense and rushed the fortress.
Swift as she could, Kagome began emptying her quiver. Pink comets split the night, making the Rohirrim look to her in awe, having never beheld the like. The miko frowned, shaking off the weight of their stares as she lined up her shots. She wasn't Wonder Woman and if someone besides Legolas didn't start firing too, she was going to turn her bow on the idiots gaping at her.
But then the ladders were raised and she was dropped into the middle of the Reaper's play. Wave upon wave rushed up the ladders as the men fought and knocked the access points off again. From a ways away, she could hear Gimli shouting, making her breathe easier.
"Kirara!" She called, leaping onto the cat.
Climbing into the air, she began picking off the creatures on the ladders from the other side. Arrows were soon fired at her, but she'd managed to buy some time for the men to push the ladders down. Unfortunately, she wouldn't be able to use that trick again and she quickly got back to the Wall.
"The gates!" Aragorn called, rushing to aid the guards there as the Orcs began ramming it.
Reaching back, Kagome cursed when she was met with only air. She'd spent her arrows and could either start fighting with her katana, or try to salvage any stray bolts. A dark shape leapt over the Wall to land in front of her, making up her mind for her.
In a well-practiced move, she'd snatched out the blade and removed the creature of the burden of its head. "Thank you, Kenshin," she snarked, wishing she really could fight like the character. Right now, that style would so some in handy.
"Hey! Ugly!" She yelled, catching the attention of an Orc about to land a blow to one of the young boys.
It roared and spun to meet her blade, slamming her against the stone behind her with its weight. Grunting, Kagome glared before flicking her wrist and driving a kunai into its throat. Kirara launched herself at an Orc and flung it from the fortress with a toss of her head, moving immediately onto the next.
Dark blood surrounded her and the noise was so great that it eventually faded into a background buzz. Swipe, duck, parry, swipe again, move on-in an endless cycle of war. She hated this.
When huge freaking hooks landed on the side of the Wall, she cursed. "Light 'em up, boys!" she screamed, snatching some arrows from the quiver of a dead man and forcing herself not to think about the action.
Wrapping torn bits of cloth around the tip of the arrow, she lit them on the fire that always licked at Kirara's feet when she was in battle form. The neko roared again and covered her mistress while the miko began shooting the flaming arrows into the ropes attached to the hooks. The ropes popped and fizzed as the Uruk-hai yanked on them, but the flaming arrows snapped most of them in pieces.
"Suck on that, you slime ball!" she yelled, taking down one of the Uruk chieftains with her last arrow.
"Kagome!"
Whirling, she rammed her katana through a Uruk's stomach and then kicked it off and glanced to the person calling her. Spotting one of the guards fighting alongside Kirara at the base of the Wall, she ran down there as fast as she could.
"They're coming in too fast," she panted to her long-time companion as she sliced through the Orc's throat.
The cat made a noise of acknowledgement. The sky flashed with lightning and then began pouring rain into the conflict. Perfect. Let's add a little atmosphere while we're at it. She scowled. That also meant that fire wouldn't cut the ropes if they tried the hook thing again. Freaking wonderful.
Aragorn ran screaming in front of her from the gates, making her eyes widen. "Legolas! Take him down! Shoot him down!"
Glancing up, she saw the Elf firing too fast for mortal eyes to see. He was standing on the Wall. In slow motion, Kagome's gaze dropped to the culvert in front of her where large iron mines had been placed. Horror transformed her features as she realized why the Uruk-hai ran toward them with a torch like a foul, Dark Olympian. Legolas riddled him with his arrows yet the creature still ran.
It took fifteen seconds in total.
An explosion rocked the fortress, sending chunks of stone and debris spewing into the air. The enemy's army bellowed before the dust even began settling, bodies plummeting down into the mud.
Kagome saw none of this. Her eyes were fixed on the place Legolas had stood before the explosion. The last thing she saw was blood falling around her like rain and his body going up in white fire. How she stayed on her feet, she didn't know. The explosion claimed her sight and her hearing, but even had it not…
A great desolation broke against her ribs and an emptiness unlike anything she'd ever known filled her. Her emotions rose to such levels that she felt nothing. She heard nothing. And all she could see was Darkness. The creatures were most likely advancing toward the breach and they had taken her light. What use was she if she couldn't even save that stupid, stupid Elf? One freaking too-perfect Elf who promised! He promised he wouldn't leave her!
Her lungs seized and a buzzing grew in the back of her mind. She'd waited and fought for so long and he just…was that it? Was that her happiness? One night and two kisses was…why…why couldn't she see? Where was her light? Her power flared in distress as her mind went into shock. She couldn't…they had taken him from her. It was the only thing that her mind could process.
…
Aragorn pulled himself from the water and frantically searched for survivors. Instantly, he spotted Kagome, standing with unnatural stillness before the breach. Her head was tilted down, her bangs falling to hide her eyes, but her knuckles were white upon the hilt of her blade. Dread blossomed in the Ranger's heart as his gaze shot to the destroyed culvert. Where was Legolas?
Movement drew his attention back to his friend as she calmly sheathed her sword.
"Kagome?" he called carefully, a bit of fear curling in his stomach when Kirara began backing away from her mistress.
A noise rent the air so chilling, everyone who heard it felt their hair stand on end. It spilled out of Kagome like a death-knell itself and when she finally raised her head, Aragorn stepped back, too.
Her face was blank, save for the blaze of pink fire surrounding her eyes. A second later, she clenched her hands and screamed again. Something Otherworldly pulsed through the Deep before a haze around Kagome seemed to crack. Aragorn blinked, and the haze splintered, like talc under too much pressure. The battle paused just long enough for the haze to blow apart completely, sending out a wave of power that leveled those still standing.
Reiki erupted in a tornado of fury around her, lighting the night as though dawn had broken.
Her seal had shattered.
The Dúnadan screamed a warning to move everyone from her path as Kagome began to walk toward the breach.
"Give him back!" she snarled, the fury that encompassed her words making them something even the most hardened Uruk-hai would have paused at.
Gimli skidded beside Aragorn as Kagome met the first wave of attackers, reducing them to dust as soon as they met her power.
"Oh, lass," he whispered, seeing the unending tears pouring down her blank face. "She's gone berserker on us. Where's the Elf?"
Swallowing, Aragorn made a vague motion to the destroyed Wall. "She saw it happen."
"Fire in the Deep," the Dwarf realized. "She told us that, right?"
Indeed, it seemed as though pink fire was racing along the front of the fortress, covering it in churning, desperate protection. Kagome was in the middle of the breach, elbows at her waist as her palms were lifted toward the sky. She snarled as the Uruk-hai retreated to evaluate this new threat.
Gimli's words jogged Aragorn's memory. "Yes, she Saw this the day Boromir fell. She said…she said it would not easily be turned aside!" Wide eyes dropped to his friend. "That means that it still can be."
The miko screamed again, this time the sound was the embodiment of anguish, as if all the ages of her life had been destroyed and brought to naught. Gimli had to look away from her, the rawness of her pain so great, all those present felt it. The Wild Men that had been assaulting the fortress fled upon hearing it.
"Aragorn," the Dwarf shook his head, "none but her prince could reach her now. She means not to survive this."
Clenching his jaw, Aragorn rallied himself and strode determinedly toward her. Kagome had been his friend for the majority of his life. He wouldn't abandon her now.
A groan to his left caught his attention only when Sindarin cursing followed. Head snapping around so fast, his neck ached with the action, Aragorn laid eyes on a very much alive Legolas. It took the Elf spotting him and gesturing impatiently to assist in digging him out before the Ranger leapt into action.
"Legolas!" he cried, throwing off rocks and debris. "We thought that explosion had killed you."
"It would have, had I been a hair closer," the Elf grunted, pulling himself up stiffly and sucking in a sharp breath when his True Self shook off his daze and spotted the pink fire. "What happened?" He had to strain to hold himself back from Kagome's distress.
Ushering him forward, Aragorn pointed to the sobbing miko, still holding the fortress against the enemy. All the blood drained from Legolas' face.
"We thought you dead," the Ranger repeated quietly, purposefully. "She saw the explosion."
"Ilúvatar," Legolas breathed, the sobs ripping into him like physical wounds. "Fire in the Deep."
Gimli shifted worriedly when he came up beside them. "You are the only one with a chance of stopping her."
Taking a shuddering breath, Legolas closed his eyes and concentrated. Passing a hand over his face, he gave into the demands of his True Self, flaring his light as brightly as he could.
For years after, the men of Rohan would tell of what they saw this night. The pink fire came and burned away the Darkness that had torn into their world. It protected them at the cost of its own life and filled the very stones of the fortress with its anguish for its fallen mate.
Then, another light came from behind the pink fire. This light was silver and white and radiated from an Elf fairer than any they would ever see. He seemed injured somehow, yet still made his way determinedly to the source of the pink fire. They did not know that he was answering the call of his other half so strongly that their mortal eyes glimpsed his True Self.
"Tirelen!" he called to the source, a worried, pleading note in the word.
But, the source could not hear through her despair.
Again, the Elf moved toward the source, beseeching as he went, "Tirelen! Stop! It is enough!"
And still, she did not hear.
Drawing himself up to his fullest height, the Elf showed himself to be a prince of his people. The authority in his form and voice was now something aggressive and demanding. His light flared and stretched out to curl about the source possessively.
"Tirelen-Nìn! You will not deny my call!"
The fire undulated, as if suddenly frightened and the Elf's face softened.
"I am here. I promised, Tirelen-Nìn, I wouldn't leave you."
Then, the fire faded from the fortress, until it was concentrated on a small woman standing in the breach. Her features were fair, but those who saw them felt their own heart break at the depth of her misery. She sobbed, her hands covering her face as she fell to her knees.
"I can see only Darkness," she wept. "My light has fallen. You are a shade sent to torment me."
Sorrow took the Elf as he knelt before her, unconcerned with the fire that had burned so deadly to those who had touched it. With infinite tenderness, he drew the woman to him, twining his light with the fire that suddenly swirled around him, as if searching for something.
"If I am a shade, how can I have light?"
Lifting her head, she touched his face with shaky hands.
"I can't see. I can barely hear you." The admission made her face crumple again.
Green fire lit in the Elf's hand as he raised it to touch the corner of her eyes. The clouds cleared from the orbs the color of too blue lightning at sea. Hesitantly, she allowed them to study his features. She saw him, finally. Then, the pink fire flickered and died, taking the silver and white light as well. This time when her tears fell, she clung desperately to her light and he wept with her.
That story was mostly true. The actual words Kagome had used upon finally speaking weren't repeatable in polite society.
Legolas held her as tightly as he dared while she clutched at him, more broken than he'd ever seen her. Wincing, he managed to stand with her in his arms. The move drove her the rest of the way to unconsciousness but the army of Uruk-hai hadn't abandoned the assault. Though the miko had decimated all who had touched her fire, there was still enough to continue the siege. Now that the pink fire had dissipated, they would be attacking again.
Turning gingerly, he found himself surrounded by a crowd of awed Rohirrim. Aragorn stepped up beside him and looked worriedly at the woman he carried.
"She shattered the seal on her True Self," the Ranger stated lowly.
"Yes, and if Sauron hasn't noticed, it is certain Saruman has."
Gimli placed her fallen hand gently on her stomach. "She was mad with grief," he whispered roughly. "I doubt she would have stopped had you not risen, my friend."
Legolas breathed deeply against the emotion that knowledge stirred in him. "She will not soon wake," he said instead of commenting.
"I can take her," Aragorn offered. "You need a healer yourself."
The narrowing of steal grey eyes had the Ranger holding up his hands in surrender and apology.
Kirara sniffed at her mistress and then pushed at the Elf until he relented and followed her. They just missed seeing dawn breaking and Éomer leading his legion of men against the remaining Uruk-hai.
…
Kagome knew she was dreaming because the Goshinboku was above her when she opened her eyes. For a long stretch of time though, she watched the play of light through the branches, content to pretend that she'd just had a very long nap.
"Oi, wench! Are you just going to lie there the whole time?" a gruff-near forgotten voice broke into her reverie.
Shocked, the miko bolted upright, finding the beloved figure of her best friend standing at her feet. He looked as he always did in her memories, his ears swiveling in reaction to noises and his hands tucked into the red sleeves of his haori. Long white hair drifted in the breeze and a fang peeked over one corner of his mouth when he smirked.
"Inuyasha?" she wheezed, a stinging spreading from her chest to her eyes at the name.
He arched a brow and flopped down beside her, his amber orbs more at peace than she'd ever seen them as he studied her.
"Keh, who else would it be?"
Brows furrowed, she poked him in the shoulder, making him bark a laugh at her.
"Just checking," she huffed.
There was a deep, pressing Darkness encroaching on the very edge of the clearing, just at the corner of her eye. However, the hanyou beside her ignored it, so with some effort, she did as well.
"You've nearly killed yourself, yah know that, right?" he frowned at her.
The Darkness crept closer as her heart seized in remembrance. "Legolas," she breathed, her eyes suddenly full of a misery nearly beyond comprehension. "He-he fell."
Inuyasha bumped her with his elbow, drawing her haunted gaze once more. "Pointy Ears is alive, stupid. Remember?"
A vague memory drifted across the rim of her mind. Silver and white pulsing around her, making air fill her lungs and a voice so full of possessive authority that she had no choice but to listen. Green power healing her eyes and ears so that she could see.
"Oh," she choked, her soul feeling like it had been shattered and glued haphazardly back together. The feeling was similar to when the witch had stolen her soul to revive Kikyou; only, this time, her soul felt too big and so rearranged, she suddenly didn't know who she was any more.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed the heel of her hand to them and focused on breathing deeply. Her friend shifted beside her.
"You freaked out like an idiot," he chided, but the words were without malice. "Even the pretty boy almost couldn't bring you back."
"This—" she cut off as her emotions threatened to strangle her. Swallowing with difficulty, she straightened enough to meet his gaze. "This isn't a normal dream, is it?"
He chuckled and shrugged. "Eh, not so much."
Making a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob, she threw herself at him, clinging to him with a frantic grip. Catching her with ease-as he'd always done-he embraced her gently, hushing her frenzied babbling.
"Hey, hey, I know, okay? Been watching out for yah as much as I'm allowed," he told her with that familiar mix of discomfort and affection.
Hiccupping, she nodded and held him tighter, unable to say anything passed her tears. He sighed in exasperation and carefully dried her face with the end of his sleeve.
"I've missed you so much, Inuyasha," she managed.
His arms flexed at that, hugging her closer. "Yeah, me too, wench. Everything that happened, though-it happened for a reason. You've done more in your life than most people could ever dream of doing and found somewhere you belong. Now that your own happiness is in reach, why the Hell did you suddenly decide to go on a damn suicide mission?"
With a sniffle, she pulled back to cross her arms. "I-my whole life…it was like everything good in the world just disappeared. When those mines were lit, I was so scared, Inuyasha. I've never ever been so terrified and so much a failure. For almost two millennia I've protected people and the one thing that's just mine I stood and watched get blown apart. I couldn't…"
She shook her head, unable to go on, but he understood. "You panicked and shock overrode your sense," he finished, getting a nod from her.
"Do you remember when you first came to Arda?" he asked. "Before you left Imladris, Elrond told you that you would have to keep your True Self hidden."
Kagome bit her lip and nodded again. "He told me that I was like a beacon to anyone who could see both planes. Even Gandalf didn't draw as much attention. And those who would use me would be drawn even more because they didn't know what I was. He told me to seal my True Self away; to hide it from the Darkness."
Inuyasha adjusted her so that she met his eyes and she didn't see the Darkness slide closer. "He was right. Since then, though, you've steadily tightened the seal so that it extends to your reiki, Kagome. During your battle against Angmar, you leveled entire lines of those gross Orc things with the strength of your power and arrows. Now, you barely put in enough to purify the thing you actually hit."
Narrowing her eyes, she glared at him. "That's not true! I heal people and my barriers are stronger than ever! I even sent my power through Legolas to purify that whatever it was on the river!"
The hanyou rolled his eyes and waved that aside. "Kids stuff compared to what you could do. You're scared of more than losing Mr. Pointy Pants. You're scared of yourself."
The words ripped into her, exposing a long buried abyss in her mind. Every muscle in her body stilled because it was too soon after her stunt with Helm's Deep and she was too raw from nearly losing the happiness she'd waited so long to have. She couldn't deal with this. She wouldn't.
"I don't have to be anything more than what I am!" she growled, startling herself. But, anger rose in her and spilled out as frustration and fear warred with don't want this don't want this look away.
"You're weak and you're doubly so because this time you're choosing to be," he growled right back. "That moronic move with the explosion just proves it! Your power was fueled by despair and vengeance and loss, Kagome. Those are Dark emotions. It's why your power hurt so damn much when you released it. That wasn't pain from losing your guy; it was spiritual pain from you using tainted emotions!"
Eyes wide, Kagome sucked in a sharp breath. "What?"
Standing, he sat her on her feet and paced in front of her. "You know how this works, Kagome. Miko powers come from miko purity. If you wield them with impure emotions or impure intent, they twist and become tainted. You become tainted."
The truth of his words shamed her, nearly sending her crashing to the ground. Inuyasha didn't steady her, didn't do anything to soften the pain his blunt words caused. She didn't need him to baby her.
Darkness hovered in the corner of her eye again. Had it moved?
"So, I'm not allowed to be upset?" she grated out, anger still simmering through her shame. "I'm not allowed to be selfish…to not be so damned cheerful and freaking perfect all of the time?"
Amber eyes were somber when they pinned her. "You know better. Life isn't freaking fair, alright? You were born a miko and gifted with the powers that comes with that. There's a reason everyone you meet is drawn to you, Kagome. You aren't selfish and you're a damned mini-sun of cheerfulness. Yeah, you can get sad and have off days…but the kind of despair and complete disregard for life you just displayed?"
He shook his head and stepped closer. "That can't happen."
Jerking her eyes to her feet, Kagome clenched her jaw and tried to hold herself together. She did know. She knew and it wasn't fair that everyone else was cut slack and she wasn't. She wanted to not have to think about everyone else all the time. She didn't want to keep fighting because others couldn't. She didn't want to keep fighting at all.
"I'm just so tired," she mumbled, her anger dying and a weariness all the way to her bones took its place. "I don't even know…who I am anymore." Laughing brokenly, she hugged herself again. "When everything else slipped away from me, I always knew that, but now…your wish sucks, Inuyasha."
Flinching, he forced down the saliva in his throat and made himself not look away. She was right. He'd meant to finally do something right by her and, instead, he'd condemned her to a life of waiting and fighting and losing.
"You're Kagome Higurashi," he told her firmly, knowing this beyond anything else. "You just have to decide what kind of person you're gonna let her be from here on out. You could leash your powers again and be a good person and help a lot of people."
Blue met amber with a vulnerability he wished she didn't have. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." He gave a careless shrug. "Or, you could quite being a whine-baby and be a great person and fucking save the world. Whichever."
That shocked a laugh from her. She didn't think she'd heard the F-bomb dropped since she'd left Japan. The people of Middle-earth had their own curses and that wasn't one.
"I'm not Supergirl," she grumbled, feeling better despite his utter destruction of her careful delusions and excuses. It'd taken her a long time to build them. She wasn't so sure she was grateful he'd done such a thorough job of shattering them.
"Eh, yeah, finally get that reference," he made a face. "Look, you're the one holding yourself back. If you don't come out swinging with everything you've got, the bad guys are going to take a lot of the good guys down with them. You're not fighting this war alone, so don't get the big head; but, you've also got a lot to protect now. Those pure emotions that are at the core of who you are, KA-GO-ME, those are the ones that will finally bring you to your full potential. You've got a bigger heart than anyone I've ever known; use it, okay? Love, hope, friendship-these are all things that will make your powers what they should be."
Biting her lip, she couldn't help but embrace him again, holding him hard and breathing in the smell of him one last time. "That sounds an awful lot like goodbye," she whispered.
A chuckle rumbled in his chest as he returned her embrace. "I've kept my eye on yah, even if you couldn't see me. Listen, you blew your cover. You're going to have to work to get back to your light now. We can't hold it off any longer."
Pulling back, he grinned and stroked the side of her face with his thumb. "We believe in you, Kagome. Don't give up."
In a surreal swirl of colors, he sort of blurred and smudged; seemingly blending into three other figures. Kagome's brows furrowed as she caught the faint melody of the Beatles' 'Blackbird' coming from what she could swear was the inu-tachi. The Hell?
Slowly, the colors faded and were swept down as inky blackness began filling the clearing. Backing up to the Goshinboku, the miko clenched her fists and narrowed her eyes.
Kagome, Kagome
The bird in the cage
Eerie, chanting began, made even creepier by the distorted voices of children. Kagome reached for her katana, and felt her stomach drop when she realized she didn't have any weapons.
"Inuyasha? Sango? Miroku?" Blowing out a breath, she placed a palm against the tree behind her. "Shippo?"
When, oh, when will she come out?
In the night of dawn
Twisted laughter rose at that and the shadow stretched nearly to her feet. Nose flaring, Kagome gritted her teeth and called up her reiki. To her shock, it leapt eagerly to her hands, nearly straining with anticipation. It hadn't come to her that easily since…since Midoriko had been training her.
The crane and turtle slipped
The taunt was hissed as Darkness swallowed all but the small area where she and the Goshinboku were.
"Get the Hell out of my mind!"
Releasing her power, she watched it spin out in front of her, ripping through the Darkness like clearing a cobweb. Giving a sharp smile, she took a step forward, only to halt abruptly when a chill slammed into her back and arctic breath blew across her ears.
Who is it in front of behind?
Whirling, she fell backwards just as a Dark mass swiped at her head. Holy, Ilúvatar, the thing was freaking fast. Bless her clumsiness.
"Where is my light?" she screamed, blasting the thing as she leapt back from it.
Deep chuckling filled the air and the power suddenly took on a familiar feel. Cursing, she dropped into a crouch.
"Get bent, Saruman."
That was about the time that the ground decided to open under her feet.
AN: Okay, so...there is this completely brilliant person who liked AUW enough to actually create a visual goody. See the amazing pic at sweetlessly dot deviantart
dotcom/art/An-Unselfish-Wish-425536601
Rooniey, thank you from the bottom of my left ventricle!
Also, thank you all for some of the most heartfelt and heartwarming reviews I've ever had. You guys put some real effort into them and I appreciate and cherish every single one. This chapter is a bit rough, but I wanted to get y'all something. I might have to polish a bit on it, but I've got most of what I wanted there.
This chapter is for Rooniey and Motoko the Red Queen, whose long reviews I adore. (critical eyes-cyber cookies and hugs.) I hope that link doesn't get jacked up in translation.