Okay I'll leave my personal author's note at the bottom, but in this chapter I lightly discuss the D/s lifestyle. I've had two girlfriends into this and the explanation Erinn gives is more or less what they told me about it. I'm not making light or dismissing the lifestyle, it's just my understanding of what they told me about it. I do not wish to offend anyone that chooses to participate as either a D or an s. Thanks, oh and some sex stuff :)
Erinn dragged Sophie into her bedroom and led her to the bed. Sophie sat down and Erinn stood in front of her.
"Did you have a rough day today?" asked Erinn in a semi-babyish voice as she pushed Sophie's hair behind her ears. Sophie knew what Erinn was doing but was so overwhelmed and guilty, she just nodded as she let the red head take off her jacket for her. She watched Erinn trying to pick something off the shoulder of her jacket. Then something else, then another. Sophie was curious.
When she finally got it off she held it up to Sophie and upon close examination, saw they were blonde hairs. "Must've been when I hugged Sian. Shit!"
"Oh that's from uh…"
"It's okay Soph. Like I said, you're here now," Erinn said as she smiled at Sophie and went to hang up the jacket.
Sophie was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. What the hell was going on with these women? She stood up to go outside. She needed some fresh air, the room had become stifling.
"Wait Soph, what is it? You look like you're about to combust. Just sit down," said Erinn reaching out for the brunette.
Sophie stopped and turned around. She saw Erinn standing there. She remembered all the sleepless, tear-stained, drunk, on a roof ready to jump, shattered glass nights she had spent being depressed over this woman. Sophie again had no words (she hadn't really spoken in the past hour), so she reached out to Erinn and grabbed her in a tight embrace. That was really all she had.
Erinn embraced her back and waited for Soph's sobs to start. She recognized this pattern. She was pleasantly surprised however when Sophie led her over to the bed and gently started taking off the red head's clothes. Erinn tried to read Sophie's eyes. "What was behind there? What was she thinking or going through?" Sophie suddenly realized that this was taking too long and all she knew was she had to have this and NOW. Who cares if it wasn't with the one she couldn't have because at the moment, Soph had this beautiful if not troubled red head in front of her wanting her. Needing her. She had to get her mind off of that stuff before she went insane, so she quickly shoved her hand down Erinn's still buttoned pants.
"Oh god Soph! Mmm," gasped Erinn. If Sophie needed a distraction Erinn was going to play her part and not complain. If anything this was such a turn on. Not so much Sophie's anguish, but her aggression.
Erinn always preferred to play the submissive role in a relationship and that is what she had with her ex Chelsea. Chelsea however had issues with monogamy, so it left Erinn alone a lot. It bothered Erinn that her girlfriend was out with others, but Chelsea was a great Domme, so she felt like she couldn't complain, maybe just throw the odd tantrum here and there to get attention.
When she had met the beautiful young Sophie Webster through mutual friends, she had been so drunk by the end of the night that she couldn't help but be super flirty with the brunette. Soph was shy and gorgeous, and for the rest of the night they couldn't look away from each other. Nothing had happened that night, since Erinn left with Chelsea and in the bright light of the morning Sophie was just a hazy memory of the night before, but it was almost like the universe throwing them together after that.
The more they would run into each other, the more intrigued they grew of each other. It was still accidental run-ins then, later it would change to a more game playing cat and mouse around town, but then it was still, "Oh hey, what are you doing here?" Erinn liked just being adored by Sophie without really having to work for it. Sophie was genuine and funny and smart and it was nice to be cared for by someone who didn't want to play games all the time. At the same time however she could tell that Sophie wasn't really aggressive or forward then. She lacked confidence around girls, or boys for that matter, always making jokes when someone would hit on her, not really being too worried about it either. What Erinn didn't know was that Sophie had fallen madly in love with her , so she didn't really want any numbers or attention from others. She just chalked it up to Sophie being awkward around potential partners, not knowing that Sophie was crying herself to sleep after a night of being ignored by Erinn for the better part of the night. Erinn thought Sophie was interesting and attractive, but she was having a shit time with her girlfriend and that would sometimes take precedence over any flirting that would normally have happened between the two.
During a month long break from Chelsea, Sophie got up the courage to confront Erinn about how she felt. They'd known each other about a year, and Sophie had these feelings for her for months and months. Erinn was single now, and Sophie just had to know what was going on. Truth be told, the last thing Erinn wanted was another relationship right off the bat, it had only been a week since Chelsea had broken up with her. She let Sophie down easy, but made sure she knew she was flattered by what Sophie had said, and that if it was a different time, different circumstance she would for sure go out with Soph. Erinn also made sure Sophie knew that they would still be friends and no weirdness should happen. This was a small consolation for Soph, but at least Erinn was being cool about it she thought.
Erinn however was far from cool. Now that she knew exactly how Sophie felt, she could use this to her advantage. When Erinn was sad and lonely and more importantly broke for the week, she'd call good old Sophie and act like it was sort of a date, and then call some friends in to take her away when our Soph had had too much to drink and started asking serious questions, thus leaving Sophie with the bill.
Erinn went online a few times to find a Domme and then chickened out when too many questions were asked. She didn't necessarily want sex from it, just some order in her life. Her childhood was chaotic to say the least and she felt that the only way to have structure and routine was to have someone there enforcing it. Sometimes it would be sexual, but if she were to be honest, she felt like she couldn't live her life like she wanted if she didn't have threats or punishments in place if she didn't go along with rules. It was how she felt like she was cared about, or her perception of someone caring.
Erinn had gotten hold of some coke and started missing Chelsea like mad. She would have to get Chelsea back. Her life was even more of a shambles than before. Bills weren't getting paid, she was missing work….she was depressed and alone. She had sex with Sophie a few times but wasn't ready to start anything with her, especially since she was the more dominant one of the two. She knew that in a perfect world, this would be the best relationship she would ever have. But Sophie was too… normal for her… not exactly boring, Soph was never boring, but too normal. Erinn felt like all her shit would freak Sophie out and that the young brunette was a lover not a fighter, and she needed a bit of a fighting spirit at the moment. In her own way she had missed the arguing.. sort of.
In Erinn's mind she wanted, no, needed both of them. The discipline of one and the adoration of the other. She selfishly invited them both out one night. Sophie had felt so uncomfortable that night, pretty much seeing what Erinn was trying to do by talking to both of them like they were an audience, and only talking of things they could do together. The three of them. That was more than enough for Sophie. She downed her double gin and tonic and stormed out. Sophie had walked out in the sleet driven night, tears on her face frozen as soon as she let them flow, only stopping to buy herself some more drinks on the way. She was so far from home she didn't care. She knew this part of Manchester pretty well. It was where Erinn insisted they go since it was a gay friendly street, and Soph had a good mind to go into one of these places and pick up some unsuspecting lass. But she was too sad, too hopeless to try.
Erinn hated to see Sophie go, but was glad to see Chelsea act jealous and actually want back in. About a month prior, Chelsea brazenly had hit on Sophie one drunken night out and Sophie spilled the beans about how she felt about Erinn and what Erinn had been doing to her to encourage it.
It wasn't until about a month after the ill fated three way date night, and after Erinn and Chelsea were back together, when Sophie made a calculated move to be in a club where she knew Erinn would be that the shit really hit the fan. Erinn and her friends, Chelsea and Sophie made it back to Erinn's house. Most of them were coked out, while Sophie had a great buzz going. When Chelsea went to bed, Erinn cornered Sophie with kisses and they ended up having sex under a blanket on the couch, there in the living room in front of a few passed out people. Sophie looked deep into Erinn's eyes when they were making out after and said simply "Be with me."
To which Erinn replied, "I can't."
Sophie tried to storm out of that house so fast, haphazardly putting her clothes on, shirt on backwards, desperately searching for socks, "Fuck socks!" Erinn eventually pushed Sophie into a spare bedroom to finally have it out. She didn't want everyone to not only watch the sex but also watch the ensuing argument. When Soph heard Erinn say, "I guess I just want my cake and eat it too," she knew she was done. Erinn tried to get physical with Sophie, to get her to stay but Sophie was 3 inches taller and gently pushed Erinn aside. It was the wee hours of the morning as Soph sadly walked home that morning. She looked to the sky and cried. If truth be told Sophie cried solidly for about 3 months.
They would run into each other, sometimes on accident, sometimes on purpose and continue the weird flirty thing they had, locking eyes across the bar, acting like they hadn't seen each other when they ran into each other in the restroom, but Soph had promised herself to stay away. About 6 months more of cat and mouse games led Sophie to have it out just one last time, in an overcrowded cafe with a spilled water glass representing the situation perfectly. Not to mention the rain starting as Sophie walked home crying for Erinn that last time...
Sophie put her hand on Erinn's head, guiding her tongue around Soph's clit and as she arched her back and smashed her clit against Erinn's tongue, Sophie came hard. It was one of those quiet, sneak up on you orgasms, where it was happening before you could even enjoy the build up. Erinn at first was worried at how quiet Soph had been during, but was happy feeling how wet Sophie had been and how wet she was now. She could feel Soph's legs quivering as she tried to lick her clean, and could tell she was too sensitive to try for another one so soon.
Erinn made her way up Sophie's body, kissing, licking and lightly biting along the way. Sophie had her eyes closed and was trying to control her emotions. This was light, this was love, this was what she wanted, but not exactly who she wanted it with. She opened her eyes to see Erinn smirking at her.
"Was that okay?" Erinn asked, knowing the answer.
"It was more than okay," said Sophie searching for something, ANYTHING in Erinn's eyes. A sign, a hint, a clue as to what she was doing here. She loved Erinn yes, she had really really loved her before but maybe that was just a need to quiet the storm. Erinn blew through life and love with reckless abandon and Sophie had wanted to tame her, to make her see that it didn't have to be like that all the time, or at all. Yes, Erinn was attractive as hell: short, freckled, red hair, blue green eyes.. but now that she's "calm" and ready to be domesticated.. was it the same? Well no, there was another. Yes maybe troubled, yes maybe there was another person for Sophie to compete with, and yes she didn't know Sian, but she wanted to get to know her.
Sophie shook those thoughts from her head. It made her sound like she was about the games too, but she knew Erinn. She was flighty and could dump you at the drop of a hat, which she had done countless times. Even to her now ex girlfriend Chelsea. And Sian? She could feel the heat of the sun with every touch and the uneasy ecstasy of freefall with every kiss. Soph grabbed Erinn's face and brought her into a rough kiss. She felt a passion for Erinn but maybe it was better from afar.
Erinn had watched Sophie wrestle with her thoughts and it was sinking in that however good it felt actually being with Sophie that maybe Sophie would be thinking of someone else, better off with someone else. Erinn knew she had put this girl through the ringer, but she came back time after time, with more intensity than before. And sometimes when things are intense, TOO intense you have to leave it be. Like when you grab a pan handle that's too hot you have to let it go.
Erinn stopped the kiss first and put her head on Sophie's chest. Both girls unsure what to do next. Sophie wrapped her arms around Erinn, neither of them making any sounds or effort to talk. They didn't say it but knew that this was a goodbye, one last gesture of love and caring. Sophie could feel Erinn's breathing slowing down meaning she was falling asleep after a bit and Sophie kissed Erinn on the forehead and closed her eyes. Instantly her thoughts and visions were of Sian. She didn't smile or gloat, this was sad for her. An end of a long, tough chapter in her life. Someone she had intensely loved and cared about, thought about endlessly, wrote poems, stories, even song lyrics about. Sophie wasn't going to turn her back on Erinn, she just had to end this intense emotional roller coaster. She wanted off. Sophie sighed and hoped sleep would wash over her soon. She hoped things would be easier in the morning. They surely couldn't get any worse.
This chapter is SUPER personal for me as it's the story of an ex girlfriend that dicked me around pretty hard. The person I'm basing Erinn on really punished me and made me jump through many hoops and I'll admit I did not care if I lived or died. The stories are true and the people are real, but that was a long time ago. I still talk to the Erinn person oddly enough. Funny how life works sometimes.(And even though some of this dates back 10 years, the recent stories with her would make you laugh.)
The person in my life that is written as Sian in the story is still an ongoing thing but I feel like this story has to have some nice happy ending of sorts. I'm still waiting for mine :) Which also means that this is going to end soon. It was my way of getting all this shit out, past and present. Thanks sooo much for the comments and readership. You guys are all really cool.