Bucky just stared at first. His brain was still trying to wrap itself around the fact that there was Steve, sitting naked next to him on the cot…but he was clearly looking at a dame's crotch. It was completely boggling to the brunette and he tried to meet Steve's face, but his eyes kept drifting down. It was like a car crash. You have no idea what is really going on, yet you find it beautiful, disturbing and you can't look away.
Steve on the other hand wanted to crawl out of his skin. He could feel Bucky staring. He had no idea what the thoughts were going on inside his best friend's mind. He kept telling himself that this was Bucky. Bucky would never do anything to hurt Steve. Hell, Steve couldn't count how many time the older boy had risked his hide to save Steve's dumbass. There was a hitch to each of his breathes, panic making his chest tight as he tried to fight it off.
Bucky could see how hard it was for Steve. He could only imagine what it was like. He took the towel and slowly laid it back over Steve's lap, hoping it would offer some kind of relief from whatever Steve was doing to himself. Bucky knew Steve. He knew that the blonde kicked himself for things that could never be his fault. He was his own worst enemy and the brunette wanted nothing more than to keep the smaller man safe. Bucky took a deep breath and cupped Steve's cheek.
"Stevie." He breathed, trying to get the blonde's attention.
Steve's eyes were closed, almost screwed shut. He took in a breath and looked at Bucky. His heart stuttered in his chest. There was no judgment. There was no hatred. There was no disgust. There was only confusion and worry on his friends face. He blinked a few times, his bony fingers balling into the towel hiding his lap.
"Yeah?" Steve croaked.
Bucky smiled gently. "Calm down, Punk. You're getting yourself all worked up again. I can't handle you having another attack right now. Not with what you put me through in the past few days." His tone was soft. Softer than anything Steve expected out of Bucky. It made Steve's skin tingle as a blush swarmed his cheeks. The blonde nodded and sighed softly.
"Sorry this is just-"Bucky was the one to cut him off this time.
"Strange? Yeah, but it's you. I'm glad you told me, Steve. No…I'm glad you trust me this much." Bucky whispered. In all honesty the brunette was beyond frazzled. He didn't want to let Steve know just yet. He needed to remind himself that this was Steve. This was his body and his life and he could not say anything stupid to offend the blonde. Steve was already so upset too.
Steve nodded and forced a small chuckle. "Okay…ask w-whatever it is you want to ask." He whispered, trying to meet Bucky's eyes. The brunette returned a small smile and nodded.
"Okay…can you-" Bucky felt so rude for asking this, but it was the one thing weighing heavily on his mind. He took a moment, wet his lips and tried again. His nerves were making his hands tremble some. "Can you get pregnant?" He asked after a moment. Steve chuckled at how flustered Bucky was.
The blonde shook his head. He reached out and cupped Bucky's cheek. It was so rare he saw the soldier blush like that. He always looked so damn handsome. "I can't get pregnant. I'm infertile…at least that's what the doctor said. He says that my insides aren't the same as a woman's, just the outsides are." He said quietly. He was so not used to saying these things to people.
Bucky nodded slowly. "Okay…so you are a man. You can't have kids…do you…ya know, bleed?" Bucky asked, nose wrinkling a little at the thought. Steve couldn't help but laugh at the expression.
"Nope. That goes with the pregnant thing." Steve said and shifted. He laid his head on Bucky's shoulder. He needed the comfort. Bucky smiled softly and wrapped his arms around Steve. He pulled the skinny boy to his chest and lent back against the wall their cots were pressed to.
"Okay…so can you have sex?" Bucky asked, not looking down at the blonde. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes. He wanted this to be as relaxed as it could be, just Steve sitting in his lap, telling him all the secrets of his life. Steve blushed and pressed his face into the crook of Bucky's neck.
"Well…I mean I haven't tried, Buck." He muttered and huffed softly. Steve felt too disgusting to try and ask a dame if she would try with him. There was no real way for him and a dame to do it, but he and a fella could. He just didn't trust any fellas to not out him as a fairy though. Or worse, out him as a freak. "I don't see why I couldn't…"
Bucky nodded, frowning a little as he listened to Steve. He knew that people wouldn't see the blonde the way he did. That's been the case almost all of their life. Steve was a trouble-maker with an angelic face, Bucky got called the bad influence. Steve came up with most of their hair-brained ideas, and yet Bucky got most of the spankings. Steve got himself in so much damn trouble on his own, and Bucky was the one to always get him out of it.
The world would just see Steve as a freak. Bucky hated that fact because Steven Rogers was a gift to the world. Steve was so selfless it was almost sickening. He wanted so badly to do the right thing that it nearly got his little ass killed numerous times from fighting in back-alleys. Bucky was still trying so hard to keep him away from any drafting tents, because he knew the second Steve got the chance he would join the army. He never wanted his precious Steve to see the horrors of war. He took a deep breathe to calm his racing thoughts.
"Steve… Listen to me." Bucky said and shifted. He cupped Steve's cheek and locked eyes with the younger man. "You mean so much to me. I would love to be your fella… I understand damn well what that means and I know you do too." He licked his lips and thumbed Steve's rosy cheek. "We would have to stay secret. This…what you just trusted with me would never leave this room." He promised. He would hate himself if that ever got out because of him.
Steve nodded and kissed Bucky's lips softly. "I would love you as my fella, Bucky…" He breathed, his heart swelling at the thought. "We just-" Bucky chuckled.
"Need to take things slow…" Bucky promised and pulled Steve in for a slow and gentle kiss.
Bucky nodded and chuckled softly. "So…have you…" He bit his lip and brushed his fingers along Steve's thigh. He wanted to ask if Steve knew that he could feel pleasure. Bucky was so damn curious and he just wanted to explore Steve's body for himself. He didn't want to push the blonde though. "-touched yourself?" He whispered, finishing his thought.
Steve went red and he nodded. Of, course he has. He bit his lip and searched Bucky's face. "Yes…" He said, voice quivering a little. His heart was racing again. "Do…do you want to touch me?" He asked, nuzzling his nose against Bucky's throat. He heard the brunette's breath hitch a little.
"I would love to, Stevie…but do you want me to?" He asked, looking at the blonde. Steve smiled shyly, lip caught in his teeth. He nodded.
"I'll tell you when to stop…" He whispered into Bucky's throat. He took the towel in hand and let it fall to the floor, leaving him exposed.
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