After Steve woke up and got dressed again, he walked out to the small kitchen and made dinner. Over their meal they discussed Bucky's idea about how to handle the possible rumor that may be floating around. They both agreed to go with Bucky's plan, being lovers only at night and friends in the public eye. As much as Steve hated it, it was what they had to do.

Weeks passed and the weather started to cool. Bucky would go out some nights after work to take dames out on a date, leaving Steve alone in the apartment. The brunette would come home smelling of booze and perfume, and his collar would be smudged with lipstick. It made Steve feel sick with jealousy and hatred. Bucky was his lover…but he could never truly be Steve's, could he? Some nights it drove the blonde to curl up in his cot, hot angry tears on his face. He wasn't angry at the girls, or at Bucky. He was angry at himself, and the world. He didn't feel good enough for the brunette. He didn't feel good enough to have such an amazing thing, and yet what they had force Bucky to go out and sleep with real normal women. Steve felt so disgusting, because he wasn't either, man or woman... he was just lost. He hated being alone with those thoughts, they made him feel lower than dirt and like he couldn't breathe.

If Steve were a dame they could be happy and open and not have to hide their feelings for one another. He was mad at the world because it was society's fault they had to hide. It was God's fault Steve was like this, but he refused to bring the Big Guy into this… it was his sin anyway. Steve sobbed, punching his pillow as he tried to get himself to calm down. He dragged Bucky into this mess. Then he heard the creaking of the front door opening. Steve quickly wiped his cheeks off and laid back down in bed.

Bucky came in, pleasantly drunk. He had a date with…huh, he couldn't even remember her name. Anyway, he had a really swell time with the girl, but it wasn't the same as touching his Stevie. He loved dames, but Steve…Steve touched him in ways Bucky didn't realize before. All the sounds the blonde made when they fooled around, it made James' head swim. It was like a completely different sensation altogether because it wasn't just a cheap fuck… it meant something to them both. They loved each other.

Bucky slipped into the bedroom and shucked his coat off, tossing it on his cot. He smelled like his last date, and could faintly still feel her hands all over his body as he fucked her up against the wall in the bathroom. The entire time he was thinking of Steve. It took so much effort out of him not to cry out his lover's name whenever he went out on these dates. Maybe that was why he never learned their names…

He laid down on Steve's cot and pulled the blonde close, pressing kisses to his boney shoulders. "Hey, Beautiful." He mumbled and rubbed at Steve's hips. James couldn't see it, but Steve's eyes were clenched shut. His mouth was a firm line and it looked like he was about to turn and clock the brunette.

"Don't call me that." He mumbled and pushed at Bucky's hands. Steve could smell her, whoever she was. He could just see what they did in his head. He could feel his heart breaking in his chest… He couldn't do it. He needed Bucky to be just his. He couldn't watch him leave every night, know what he does, and then have him come home and touch Steve in the same ways. Does he call them 'beautiful' too? What if one day Bucky finds himself the girl of his dreams and sees Steve as the freak of nature that he really is? Would he leave Steve? Would Steve lose the only real friend he has left?

Bucky frowned and sat up some. "What's wrong, Stevie?" He whispered sweetie. Steve felt another pang of guilt go through him. Steve sat up and scooted away from Bucky.

"I can't do this." He said, not looking at the brunette. He really thought he could do it, but it just hurt too much. Bucky reached out and put his hand on Steve's shoulder.

"You can't do what?" Bucky asked, trying to turn Steve around. "Would you look at me?"

Steve turned and looked at him with teary blue eyes. "I can't do this. I need you to either be mine or dump me, Bucky." Steve said, clenching his jaw. Bucky's eyes widened.

"Steve, Baby, don't cry…." He pulled the blonde in for a tight hug. "Can't do what? What's bothering you?" He asked, tone dripping with worry. Steve huffed and pushed against Bucky's chest.

"Stop touching me!" The blonde snapped. "Stop it! I can still smell her on you and I hate it!" He said and got off the cot all together to stand in front of Bucky. The brunette watched him with wide eyes. "I hate it so much, Bucky! I thought I could handle it but I can't. You're mine and I can't stand to know they touch you and then you come home to do the same to me…" He wheezed slightly, taking a few breathes to calm himself down.

Bucky frowned and pulled the distraught blonde close. "Steve…shush. If you didn't like it, you could have just said something, punk… We'll think of something else, I promise." He whispered into Steve's hair as the blonde hid in his neck. Steve nodded slightly and let out a shaky sigh.

"I love you, Bucky…" He whispered and pulled back to look at his best friend, his lover, his only real companion in the world. Bucky smiled tenderly and pressed a chaste but loving kiss to his lips.

"I love you too, Stevie… you don't have to worry about anyone ever taking me from you. I won't let it happen and I feel bad for anyone who is stupid enough to try." Steve chuckled.

"I'd kick their ass…" He said and softly kissed James' jaw.

"I know you would, Punk…" He pulled Steve to lay with him on the cot again. Steve settled, his head on Bucky's chest. He pressed his ear there, and listened to his heartbeat. Bucky was right… no one could separate them, and Steve would kill them if anyone even tried…. He closed his eyes, thinking of their life together. He didn't want to focus on the fear, just that he could spend so much time with James in the future, even it if had to be in secret. Maybe there would be a day they didn't have to hide their love. Steve dreamt of that world, and had no idea of the nightmare he would wake up to tomorrow…