Flashback! EPOV!

I first saw her in the library. She was sitting at the information desk on the nearly empty third floor. Her head was rested on one hand and she idly twirled a strand of mahogany hair between her fingers as she read a thick old book. She was a natural beauty, a breath of fresh air. She looked sweet and kind and interesting and perfect. After gazing at her like a love struck idiot for a few moments, I saw her start to look up. Of course I turned on my heel and fled. But I though I left her presence, I couldn't get her out of my mind. I found myself drawn back to the library over and over again. It was a fluke I'd even been in the library in the first place. All the facts I needed were on my computer. No tomes on the dusty third floor shelves contained information I needed. But like a moth to a flame, I returned over and over again.

It was standing hidden behind the Byron collection that I was discovered by my friend and sister's boyfriend Jasper. They'd recently discovered my infatuation after questioning the amount of time I'd been spending at the library.

"What are you doing, Edward?"

"Nothing," I replied, pulling a book down from the shelf and pretending it was what I was looking for.

He gave the information desk a pointed glare and replied, "Obviously." And then he just walked right up to the desk and started talking to her. Right in front of me! Without even thinking about it! I stepped out from behind the stacks hesitantly, as if I could stop the force that was Jasper. He had always been better with social situations. Actually, anyone seems social compared to me. But Jasper especially. I watched the display in front of me, aghast at the ease with which they spoke. Like the world wasn't ending. Like it was possible to have a normal conversation this beautiful and intriguing girl. He turned and nodded his head in my direction. I immediately stiffened and turned to leave. This was too much.

"Edward, wait!" Jasper said as he ran up behind me. I didn't turn his way, "I need to go."

"Come on, man. I was making some progress."

"Clearly," I replied as I continued walking.

"Her name is Isabella, but she goes by 'Bella'. She works Monday through Friday in the afternoons. Three to six. She does NOT have a boyfriend."

"What?" I asked. My flight had slowed as he revealed the information his two minute conversation had gleaned. We paused in front of the wide staircase, blessedly out of view of the information desk.

"And she thinks you're cute."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah. That's as far as I got before you went all chicken shit on me."

I stared at him, my mouth gaping.

"So, do you want me to go back and finish the mission or what?"

I didn't know whether to be mortified or kiss Jasper with gratitude. Wait, what mission?

"What mission?"

"The mission where I get her to go meet us for dinner when she's done with work. I was thinking we could call Alice so she wouldn't get freaked out about hanging with two strange dudes."

I snorted in response.

"So?"

"So what, Jasper?"

"So, can I go finish talking to her?"

I sighed. I was mortified. This was quite possibly the most embarrassed I'd ever been in my life, which was saying quite a lot, considering the number of idiotic things I've done. "Yes. Please. Thank you," was my grunted response. Because overcoming my awesome embarrassment was an overwhelming curiosity. Isabella? I finally knew her name. And it was perfect. Though we hadn't even spoken, I'd been drawn to her over an over again. I was completely taken with her.

I fled to my office while Jasper finished his "mission". I pretended to work. I got nothing done.

Later on, as per Jasper's instructions, I met Isabella and the conniving Jasper at a little restaurant just off campus. It wasn't the ideal location, I would have preferred a nice quiet place, maybe something downtown with a view, but Isabella had a night class and limited time. I was so nervous, I doubted I'd be able to eat anything. I arrived before Jasper and Isabella and grabbed a booth. The two arrived at the same time. I stood as they approached.

"Hey bro, this is Bella."

"Edward," I said to her, wiping my sweaty hand on my pants before reaching out to shake hers.

"It's nice to meet you," she said in response. Her hand was soft and her voice low and melodic and perfect. Everything about her was perfect. She smiled and began to sit across from where I was standing. Jasper nudged me and I slid into the booth seat. He took a seat next to Bella.

"You don't mind," he asked her as he moved to sit.

"Not at all."

"I figured this would look less like an interrogation. And I'm sure Alice will want to sit where she can get a good look at the girl who's intrigued her genius brother."

Isabella blushed in response. I felt bad, I didn't want her to be embarrassed. She seemed to recover quickly.

"So, Edward, you're a genius?"

I nodded. Jasper spoke, "Yeah. Literally. He's getting his doctorate right now."

"Really?" she asked, confused. "How old are you? If you don't mine me asking…" she blushed again. "Sorry, that's rude. I'm sorry."

Was she nervous too? That made me feel marginally better. At least I wasn't alone.

"No, I get that all the time. I'm 22. I started college at 16. I got my masters a few years ago. I'll be finished with my doctorate next year."

"Wow. That's impressive."

I shrugged my shoulders in response.

"Bella is an English major," Jasper added. I was so glad he was here, but I felt self conscious about the way he kept guiding me. Like he was my tour guide to all things beautiful and scary.

"Really?" I asked. (I know, even I am astounded by my conversationalist skills.)

"Yes. And don't ask me what I'm going to do with it. I'm still trying to work that part out. I'm thinking about maybe trying for an editing internship and seeing what it's like to work for a publishing company. We'll see. Or maybe I'll freelance, I don't know."

"That's great," was my genius reply.

We were interrupted by Alice's arrival.

"Hello friends!" she said. Alice is exuberant and loving and overwhelming. I cringed, hoping she'd really help Isabella feel more comfortable with this chaperoned encounter. Looking appraisingly at Isabella, she continued, "I'm Alice, it's so nice to meet you!"

"Thank you, it's nice to meet you too."

"Have you guys ordered yet?"

"No," Jasper replied, standing to give Alice a kiss. I pulled the disgusting laminated menus from behind the napkin dispenser and handed them out. Isabella smiled at me as she took hers.

"Do you eat here often? I need a recommendation," she said.

"No," I replied. "I haven't eaten here before."

"Me neither. Too expensive."

That was definitely not what I'd been thinking as I looked over the choices. The most expensive thing on the menu was a $20 steak. The burgers were about $10.

"So, Isabella, Jasper said you're an English major?" Alice asked, and just like that I was able to remove myself from the conversation and sit in my favorite spot. The spot where I sit unnoticed and observe the beautiful Isabella. She was gracious and kind and answered all of Alice's probing questions with tact and humor. I learned that she grew up in a split home between Phoenix and the provincial Forks, Washington. Her father was chief of police in the small town. Her mother was remarried and recently relocated to Florida. She had no siblings and was on a full scholarship (which means she's intelligent). It covered most her expenses, but she worked at the library to cover the extra costs (which means she's hard working and sensible). She had just begun her junior year and was on time for graduation. She did not go to parties, did not belong to a sorority, and most importantly, she did not have a boyfriend. She said she'd only dated one guy, and that it wasn't serious (which I found hard to believe.) In return, Alice and Jasper filled Isabella in on All Things Pertaining To Edward. I am freakishly smart. I love music. Alice and I are siblings, and both adopted. Our father is a surgeon and our mother is an architect. We were raised in the Seattle area. I taught a few classes for the university in between lab work. I did not want to practice medicine, but rather wanted to create medicine. And apparently, I cannot speak for myself.

Again I was torn between mortification and gratitude. If it weren't for Alice and Jasper, I probably would have spent the next two years pining after an unknown enigma, only to loose her when some other suitor snatched her up or she graduated. I was incredibly grateful for their intervention, but at the same time I was ready for them to leave. I wanted to speak to Isabella on my own. I wanted her all to myself. I finally inched my way into the conversation just as the bill was dropped off.

"Isabella," I started.

"Just Bella."

"I'm sorry," she smiled in response. My word, she was beautiful. "Bella, are you free to go out this weekend? Would you like to have dinner with me?" I'd never done this before, just asked a girl to dinner. My nerves weren't helped when I felt Alice grab my knee in glee. I nudged her with my elbow, hoping Isabella hadn't noticed.

"Sure, I'd like that," she said, pulling a scrap of paper from her purse and scribbling on it with a pen, "Here's my number. I usually get off of work at 6. What night do you want to do it?"

I swallowed in anticipation and tried to get the words 'do it' out of my mind. "Friday?"

"Friday is great. Just give me a call. It sounds like fun!" she reached into her wallet and pulled out some money. Jasper grabbed her arm, "Nuh uh, Bells, your money is no good here."

"Sure it is," she deadpanned back.

"No way, Bella," Alice responded. "If you don't let the boys get this, I won't let Jasper talk to me the rest of the night."

Isabella looked uncomfortable, "Well, at least let me cover the tax and tip." She reached into her purse again for a calculator. She was so sweet, I was pretty sure I was in love.

"No, Isabella," I said. "Please."

She narrowed her eyes. "Well, I'm not going out on Friday unless you let me pay for myself." I looked at her in panic and turned to Alice.

"Don't be silly. Edward has loads of money. Really, you're doing us a favor by getting him out of the house on a Friday night."

She rolled her eyes and laughed, "Wow, it's SO HARD for me too. Having to go out with a brilliant, super hott nice guy. It's really going to take it out of me."

Alice laughed at her sarcasm, and I'm pretty sure I floated away right there. She thought I was nice. And super hot. This was the best night of my life.

She still tried to leave money on the table, but Jasper grabbed it when she wasn't looking and tucked it back in her purse. As we left, I asked if I could walk her to her class. She graciously accepted my offer and we finally left our chaperones. We walked in mostly silence, but it was comfortable and wonderful. Just like Isabella.

"Thank you for dinner, Edward," she said as we stopped in front of her classroom door.

"Thank you for agreeing to go out with me on Friday. It can't come soon enough."

"You're sweet," she said, and she reached out and squeezed my hand. "Bye, Edward. Call me and let me know what the plan is."

I nodded, still shocked, and watched her walk into her class. I was in love.

Present Day.

A photographic memory isn't always the blessing you'd imagine. I can never forget how wonderful it was to have Bella. And now that she is no longer My Bella, I have a perfect recollection of what I've lost.

These past few weeks have brought me clarity and understanding. It's been a painful experience. I thought I understood the world around me and my place in it. Now I've discovered I know nothing.

When Bella left, the pain I felt was unfathomable. It went beyond emotional and made me physically ill. The guilt I felt was a burning torture. The words in her parting letter, "It was just to hard," haunted me. I'd broken her. It was only fitting that she left me broken too.

In the wake of her absence, I ensconced myself in my lab. It was my cave. By immersing myself in my work I was able to forget, even if only for a few hours at a time. I felt more machine than man. My family came to accept that I no longer smiled. I no longer laughed. I no longer wanted anything from them.

Alice had been beside herself for months, trying to help me through my grieving. When I forced Bella to end her pregnancy, I lost her and my future. I had thought I was saving her from a mistake. I didn't want to hijack her life, to saddle her with unwanted responsibility. How could I ask her to give up her dreams because I'd impregnated her? I thought I was doing the only right thing. Clearly, I am an idiot.

After Bella left there were horrible days when I didn't speak to anyone. But finally I began to emerge from the darkness. I was a withered husk, ringing hollow with my emptiness. I didn't even try to fill the void. Alice did though. She began with hints, then came coddling, and finally the lectures. In the end, she got her way and I got on with my life as best I could. Alice began inviting Tanya to outings. Tanya is beautiful, intelligent and kind. She is funny and my family loves her. But Tanya is not Bella. And though I love her in a way, she will never be to me what Bella was.

Knowing now of Carlisle manipulations, that he allowed my ignorance to separate me from Bella and my son, I find it hard to consider him my father. I am so angry with him that I cannot even put my frustration into words. After hearing of his betrayal, I immediately confronted him. He had a long list of excuses. He only wanted what was best for me. He didn't want me to be hurt. We were too young to start a family. Clearly, Carlisle is an idiot also. Perhaps there's some truth to the Nature vs. Nurture argument. I was indubitably my Father's son.