Bella

At precisely 9:55a.m. on Saturday, Edward arrived for our Zoo Outing. I hurriedly shoved the last of our supplies in my backpack and welcomed him in.
"Sorry Edward, I'm just finishing getting everything together. Can you just give me a second?"

"Of course."

"Owen is in his room playing with his trains. If you could help him put his shoes on, that'd be great."

He smiled in response and I ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I had to admit, it was pretty freakin' sweet listening to the boys interact while I brushed. Edward reintroduced himself (as "Edward" still. Not "Dad". We'd cross that bridge later…) and then I immediately heard Owen start to explain which train was which (he'd named them all). Edward kept trying to interrupt and help him with his shoes, but Owen was having none of it. I rinsed my mouth, pulled a cap on my head and grabbed the sunscreen.

"Ok, sweetie, time to put the sunblock on!"

"No thank you Mommy."

"Uh oh, we can't go to the zoo unless you have sunblock on."

"Ehward take me."

I laughed.

"Uh, no Owen. Your Mommy is right. You can't go to the zoo unless you have your sunscreen on."

Owen finally realized he'd lost and dragged himself over. He stood patiently while I knelt before him and slathered the lotion on.

"I don't yike it."

"I know, kiddo. We're almost done."

Edward was watching us in fascination. I turned to him and asked self consciously, "What?"

"Nothing," he replied, with a mysterious smile.

"You probably should put some on too," I said, "I remember how badly you burn." I approached him and held up my hands. "Can I just put this on you? I don't want it to go to waste."

"Sure, but what about you?"

"My face lotion has sunblock in it. I'm good."

He stilled and held out his arms. I massaged the excess lotion on his arms. "Owen, look at what a good boy Edward is. HE doesn't complain when I rub sunblock on him." I moved to his face and rubbed a little across his cheeks.

Edward inhaled and looked at me. It was "the look". You know, the one that gets a girl into trouble. I quickly finished and handed him the bottle.

"Here, you might want to get the tips of your ears and your nose. I'm all out now."

"Thanks," he replied, grabbing the bottle from my hand, brushing his fingers against mine.

I turned quickly and distracted myself by helping Owen finish getting his shoes on (Edward hadn't been able to distract him from the trains earlier).

"All ready?" I asked.

"Yes," they both replied. I laughed and grabbed the backpack. "Edward, can you carry Owen down the stairs for me? If I let him walk, it'll take us ½ an hour to get to the lobby." (Having an extra pair of arms definitely came in handy on outings, that's for sure…) Since my cute little apartment was across the street from the zoo, it was only a matter of minutes before we were at the ticket counter.

"Two adults and one child," Edward said, pulling out his wallet.

"Oh, actually, Owen and I have passes. Well, technically I have a pass, he's still free."

"Oh," Edward said.

"You might want to think about just getting yourself a pass too. This one gets you into the zoo and the aquarium. Believe me, with Owen in your life, you'll definitely get your money's worth."

Edward beamed at me like that was the BEST NEWS EVER. (Hey everybody likes a good deal, even Mr. Richey Rich.)

Once inside, we walked with Owen between us. We were picture perfect, two happy parents and an adorable, precocious toddler. I guess it just goes to show, you never can REALLY tell what's going on in people's lives just by the way they look.

"Mom, can we play One TwO ThrEE UP YOU GO?" Owen asked, his voice getting louder and more excited as he went on.

"I guess, is that OK with you, Edward?"

"Um, sure. What exactly is that?"

"It's where we count, One, Two, Three and then on 'Up you go" Owen lifts up his feet and we swing him. It's one of his favorite games, but you have to have two adults to play it. So he doesn't get to very often."

"Of course," Edward answered, smiling softly at his exuberant son.

And so we walked, Owen overjoyed and excited about jumping and monkeys and tapirs and snakes. I don't know what was more fun, watching Owen, or watching Owen try to explain everything to Edward.

"Dis a TAP-EAR, Ehward."

"Oh! I like the white stripe," Edward replied.

"Yeah."

"Dis a OWL, Ehward."

"It is. They fly at night."

"Yeah. Night. Owl is "O". Like Owen. Huh, Ehward?"

"That's right!"

"Yeah."

That's pretty much how it went. I noticed Owen starting to slow down, and while he was occupied watching the chimps, I brushed Edward's arm. He looked at me happily and raised his eyebrows.

"Owen's going to need to eat lunch and then take an N-A-P soon."

"Ok. There was a café at the front gates, should we head there?"

"No, I packed some stuff. We can stop on the next bench and eat and then make our way home after that."

Edward nodded and we distracted Owen away from the chimps with the lure of fruit snacks. We divided the food and enjoyed our little break. Of course Owen inhaled his sandwich and then hopped off the bench, revitalized enough to try to catch the birds circling our picnic looking for handouts.

"Bella," Edward hesitated. "I need to thank you. I can't believe how…gracious and wonderful and kind and…" his voice broke a little bit.

"It's fine Edward. You really don't have to keep bringing this up. I'm glad you want to be part of Owen's life."

"I do. So much. I just can't believe you've done this all on your own."

"Well, not exactly on my own. Renee helped a lot while I went to school. I couldn't have done it without her."

"But everything you've given up. You're such an amazing mom. I feel…so lucky that Owen has you."

"Edward, that's so sweet. But you have to know, I really have no idea what I'm doing. I don't think any parent really does. We just all do the best we can."

He sat there a moment.

"I didn't. I didn't do the best I could. And I lost everything."

I put my hand on his.

"Edward, you were a stubborn idiot."

He snorted and with a wry smile asked, "Is this you trying to comfort me?"

"It broke my heart to leave you. I felt like I didn't have a choice. Really, can you imagine not having this?" I asked, motioning between myself and Owen.

He swallowed hard and replied, "I don't have to imagine."

I wasn't very moved by his martyred tone. "I was so frustrated with you, but I knew I couldn't change your mind. And I knew I was making the right choice. I'm so sorry you didn't know about Owen. That wasn't fair. To any of us. But nothing we can do will change the past. Edward, all we can do is accept what we have now and move forward. Owen's life will be better if he knows his father. I wish things had happened differently." I stopped for a minute too. I pulled my hand back. I needed to collect myself. "But I learned a lot about myself. That's what challenges do. They force us to understand who we really are."

"So really, I'm a gigantic life-ruining ass?"

I couldn't help it, I laughed.
"Sure, Edward. Whatever."

He threw me a baleful look. Then one side of his lips drew up into a smile. And he joined me. Owen stopped torturing the birds long enough to watch the display and then join in. He let out a huge fake laugh and then smiled and giggled. That did it, Edward and I broke out in a the kind of belly laugh that brings tears to your eyes. When we were done, I began packing up our picnic.

"Bella, I'm so grateful for what you've allowed me so far. And I don't want to make you uncomfortable or ask you for too much."

I remembered that tone of voice, and with amused trepidation responded, "Uh oh. You have something to ask me, huh."

He nodded.

"Just spit it out."

"Alice found out she's an Aunt."

I raised my eyebrows….

He added, "And she wants to meet her nephew."

"Oh," I said, surprised. That wasn't at all what I was thinking. But of course Alice would want to meet Edward's son. "Oh."

"Would that be…ok?"

"Sure. I guess. Well, what did she have in mind?" I immediately felt the need to lay down some boundaries. It was better to do that at the beginning with Alice. She had the tendency to get carried away. Once I told her we could have a "Girls Weekend", and we ended up in Hawaii.

"She didn't specify anything, just that she wanted to see you."

"Oh…..Well…let her know our schedule. We're pretty much free Friday morning through Sunday afternoon… As long as we keep things mellow, that should be fine I guess. Toddler friendly, you know…"

"No trips to FAO Schwartz?"

"Please no. Just the park would be a good place to start."

"Thank you, Bella. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Edward, does Esme know?"

He dug his toe in the ground a bit. "Yes. She didn't know at first. She didn't realize what Carlisle had done. She just knew that you left and that then I just kind of checked out for a while. When she found out she was furious. More than furious. She and Carlisle have been having a rough time the past two weeks."

"Oh."

"Yes. I think Carlisle has been staying at a hotel."

"That's… REALLY?" I was shocked. Esme and Carlisle had always been the picture perfect couple. Back to the whole you-never-can-tell thing.

"Yeah. She, of course, is furious with Carlisle. As am I. I can't even talk to him right now. And apparently, either can she."

"Hmmm," was my noncommittal response. What was I supposed to say to this? Should I feel guilty if this secretly made me feel like karma did its job?

I stood and called Owen, "Come on, honey! Lets walk again!"

We made our way home, Edward carrying Owen for most of it. As we entered the lobby Edward's phone rang. He silenced it and put it back in his pocked. "Alice."

"You can talk to her if you want."

"No, I'll never get her off the phone."

I laughed. By the time we got to my apartment, his phone had buzzed three more times with text messages.

"I think she wants to talk to you."

"Hmmmm," he pulled the phone from his pocket again. As he scrolled through the texts, I saw him visibly pale. I pulled Owen from his arms, "What's wrong? You look like you need to sit down."

"No," he chocked out. "It's Carlisle. He's in the hospital. He's had a heart attack."

"Oh no," I said, I put Owen down and walked over Edward. "I'm so sorry. Edward."

Edward was breathing heavily, big gasping breaths.

"Edward, it's ok, just calm down. It's ok, we'll figure it out. Do you need to go to the hospital?"

He nodded.

"What hospital is he in?"

"Swedish."

"Is he conscious?"

"He was asking for me."

"Can you drive?"

"I don't think I can."

"Let me just grab Owen and I'll take you."

"But he needs a nap."

I ignored Edward and picked up my sleepy son, "He can sleep in the car. It's ok."

Edward turned stiffly and began to walk out the door. I ran to my fridge and threw a coke in the backpack. He looked like he was going into shock, and I hoped some sugar would help. I quickly locked the door and followed him out the door. When we got outside, I put my hand in the crook of his arm and guided him to my car. It was a little awkward holding Owen and Edward, but luckily I'd parked close. Once we were buckled I pulled out the coke and ordered him to drink. He took small sips and regained some of his color by the time we made our way to Pill Hill. I was about to pull into the patient drop-off when Edward said, "Bella, I don't think I can do this."

"You can, Edward. If you don't go see him, you will always regret it, no matter what happens. It doesn't matter what he did, he's still your father."

He looked at the hospital with dread.

I couldn't believe I was about to offer this, but I sighed and bit the bullet, "Edward, do you want me to go with you?"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes, "I can't ask you to do that."

"Edward…"

He nodded. I pulled the car around and went to the parking structure. What had I gotten myself into?

DUN DUN DUN! (That's dramatic music, just in case you can't tell...)