BPOV

Days passed, and with it, my bright-hot mortification over our shared kiss became slightly dimmer. The memory still jumped out and bit me at importune times though. I'd be in the middle of cooking dinner or sweeping the floor and all of the sudden growl in frustration. It was making Owen crazy. "What wrong, mommy? What wrong!?"

"Mommy's just an idiot," I'd think. But what I'd say is, "Mommy's just being silly."

"Oh. Ok," pause, "Mommy, don't be silly anymo'. I don't yike it."

Believe me, love, Mommy didn't "yike" it either. But I knew it was for the best. I wasn't kidding when I told Edward that I couldn't put my sanity at risk like that again. There was too much at stake. I couldn't start over again, I just couldn't. And though I loved my life so very much, and I loved the center of my life, my sweet, darling boy, I was also tired. So very tired. All the time. I felt like I was at the limit. I had fought so long and so hard for the precious peace and stability in mine and Owen's lives. I couldn't risk it. I just couldn't.

Luckily, Edward didn't seem to be reading too much into my slip-up. He called to make arrangements for a playdate on Friday, and had a brilliant idea.

"Hey Bella?" he asked.

"Yeah?" I asked, shoving down the bevy of feelings that rushed into my heart when I heard his voice. Even over the phone it did things to me. Down down dow, stupid hormones!

"I feel badly taking up too much of your weekend time with Owen. I'd like to take him to the aquarium with Esme, but I don't want you to loose half a day with him."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "That's very thoughtful of you. So what do you suggest?"

"How about if I take him out of school on Thursday afternoon? That way it's at the end of the week and won't interrupt his routine."

I laughed, "Have you been reading up on raising kids?" I asked, "How did you think of this? How have you even heard of 'toddler routine'?!"

"Um, yes, actually I have. I've read a number of books suggesting that routine is extremely beneficial when working with young children."

I laughed again. "You are very correct. That's actually incredibly thoughtful, thank you Edward."

I could almost hear the beaming smile in his voice. "Thank you Bella. I want to make this as easy as possible for everyone."

"I've already added you as an emergency contact for his school. I'll call ahead to let them know you'll be picking him up on Thursday. Just make sure you bring your driver's license or they won't let you take him."

"Understood."

There was a silence, and I sensed there was more.

"Bella?"

(There it was…)

"Yes Edward?"

"What did you list me as on the emergency contact."

"I don't understand what you mean, I put your name and phone number down…"

"Yes, but did you say that I'm his father?"

"Oh. Um, no. I didn't…."

"That's ok," he said quickly. "Don't worry about that. But I think it's time for me to tell him."

I sighed. It was true. It was definitely time. Waiting too much longer would just make things more complicated. This was just another line in the sand. Another benchmark showing me that things would never be the same.

"I understand, Edward. I think it's a good idea. But I just want to be clear. You can't go back on this. If you're going to introduce yourself as his Dad, you are making a lifetime commitment."

"I know," he replied quietly.

"Forever. You'll be his Dad forever. No matter what."

"That's what I want."

And, though it was scary and terrifying and made me feel a little panicky, it was right.

Edward picked Owen up from school on Thursday. I had the quietest, easiest, emptiest, saddest bus commute of my life. They met me at my apartment door. Owen was all smiles, pumped up from his excursion.

"Momma! I saw the fishes!"

"I know sweetie! That's awesome!"

"Momma, Dahwerd showed me the otters!"

I tried to keep my lips from quirking up into a smile, but it was too hard. Dadward? Edward raised his shoulders in a what-can-you-do shrug. "Oh really? Otters?" I said in a choked voice.

"Yeah, they my favowite. I yike da otters"

I unlocked the door and let them in while Owen filled me in on all the excitement I'd missed. He ended up with, "Next time, you come too, ok mommy?"

I smiled noncommittally in response and sent him to his room to put his daycare backpack away.

"So, it went ok?" I asked, once we had a second of peace.
"Yes. Though I don't think he really understands."

I laughed. "It's ok, I don't think any of us really understand. We'll just refer to you as 'Daddy', and eventually he'll catch on."

"That's a good solution," Edward replied, looking visibly relieved. "I was worried that'd be my new nickname. I want to be his Dad. Not his Dadward."

I laughed again. "Yeah, that's pretty awful."

Owen burst back into the room, effectively ending Edward's and my conversation. He filled every corner of the room with his observations and questions and bright, beaming self. Edward excused himself, dinner was made, and life went on. And, surprisingly, amazingly, I felt happy.