Chapter 2

Love is commonly contrasted with friendship, although in other definitions of the word love

it may be applied to close friendships in certain contexts.

"Isabella?"

I ignored the person calling my name and kept still. Hoping that like every other time he had called my name, the soft voice would go away.

I couldn't remember how often my name had been called out loud or how long I had been here. There was no way to keep track of time in this darkness I had created for myself in my mind, out of time and place. I preferred to lay alone waiting to embrace death. Wishing it would take me soon. Knowing it wouldn't by now.

All I had to hold on to was the memory of a dark green storm. No name, no face could be put to the green eyes that seemed to occupy my mind each second of my existence. Raging war with my heart all the time.

"Isabella?" The same soft voice called for me. Like it would each day. Begging, pleading, threatening to open my eyes.

"I know you can hear me." The voice continued, setting aside the knowledge that I had no wish to hear the words that came out of his mouth.

"We can't stay here any longer. The people that knew the secret have grown old and left this life. The newcomers are growing suspicious of my presence. It is not possible for me to stay here. And there is no way I can leave you behind. Alone and unprotected." A gentle touch pushed away my hair. It was a soothing gesture that he would make each day when he came to talk to me.

"Please come with me when I leave."

The soft footsteps told me he was walking to the door. Leaving me alone in the room again. I ached for him to go, to hear the world outside grow silent and regain my silence.

Don't let him leave you, you need him.

The desperate words in my head made my eyes flutter.

Involuntary my fingers twitched. Missing something I could not name.

That's right.

The voice in my head seemed to be smiling at me. As I thought of a smile, the image of strong lips pressing down on mine flashed in my mind.

Remember how it felt when your lips touched his.

My tongue flicked to touch my lips. The air in the room tasted damp and salty on my tongue. It reminded me of the sea I had seen from.. was it my room I had stood in?

Open your eyes. Perhaps you will see something you like.

This time it was an honest pleading voice in my head and without thinking what I was doing I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was the rough ceiling made out of dark wood. .In front of my eyes flecks of light seemed to shimmer, dust perhaps.

When I reached out to touch them I noticed my hand moved easily, without any effort. As I reached out in front of me to touch the shimmering dust, I could feel the air brush past my skin. Stopping in awe I turned to see my hand. It was mine and not mine at the same time.

Frowning I tried to focus on my hand, something was missing.

It was then I remembered soft voice had not left the room. Glancing sideways I gasped to see a man standing at the door. He was dressed in simple clothes, nothing to stand out of the crowd. And yet something about his appearance would make you look again, notice him.

Still as a statue he was watching me. Blond hair was neatly combed back out of his face. Making it easy to see the clear pale skin if his friendly face. His eyes stood out most, a golden brown that seemed to hold calm depths. He watched me. Waiting for me to move or perhaps even speak to him.

"Hello" Hesitant I let the word roll of my tongue, frowning at the sound.

Soft voice across the room relaxed slightly.

"Hello Isabella" Again his voice was soft and calm. Like it had been each day for as long as I could remember. He seemed to be pleased at my speaking, even it had been such a simple and short word. A slight smile warming his face as he looked at me with pride in his eyes.

Questions raced through my mind, all at once flooding my mind. Almost like opening my eyes had opened my ability to think of anything else than the green storm that had raged inside of my head so long.

"Where am I?" Looking around I noticed that the room was simple. One bed pushed into the corner of the room. A single writing desk and chair. There were no windows and the ceiling was very high. There was only one door and Soft Voice was standing in front of it.

The walls seemed to be made out of heavy stone. When I focussed on them I could see the lines in the stone seemed to be smooth, rubbed and worn down through time. Where ever I was. This place was old.

"You are in a convent." The expression on his face did not change as he answered me.

"Did you bring me here?" Trying to remember anything that had happened before I opened my eyes today, it all seemed very distant and blurry.

"Yes." He didn't hesitate, not even blink as he answered me immediately.

"Why?" Sitting up I turned to face him. The movement swift and effortless, coming as a surprise to me.

He blinked this time, pausing for a moment. The smile vanished from his face and was replaced by a dark frown. "You wanted to die." Without another word he opened the door and slipped through. When he did I caught a glimpse of a very long hallway. It was empty.

I had wanted to die... I had wanted to die... I had wanted to die... I had wanted to die.

Repeating the words in my head I leaned back, expecting the stone wall to be cold but it wasn't. Closing my eyes again I inhaled deep to try and calm down.

When I did the air seemed to fill my lungs with a mouth watering scent. My throat burned and my head snapped up to the door. It was the only way out and possible also the only way to whatever it was I could taste on my tongue.

A soft hiss escaped my mouth and stunned I sat back, wrapping my arms around my body as tight as I could to find some comfort. What was wrong with me? Slowly I exhaled, noticing how the air seemed to be burning the inside of my lungs. My immediate response wasn't to inhale again after the feeling I had just experienced. Perhaps tasting the sweet scent in the air again wasn't what I wanted.

Hesitant I got up and tested my feet. They touched the floor, beneath my feet I could feel the soft faded lines of the wooden floor. It was neither cold or warm, pleasant or unpleasant to stand on. It just was. Looking down I wiggled my toes. They seemed to work perfectly, even after such a long time.

The door opened again, just for a brief second. It was enough for the sweet scent to swirl into the room again, taunting me. Immediately the burning sensation in my throat returned. Bringing my hand op to my throat I slowly ran the palm of my head from chin to collarbone. Wishing to brush away the aching feeling.

"Are you uncomfortable?" Soft Voice asked me.

Shy I nodded at him. Feeling awkward to admit this strange feeling to someone I hardly knew.

"You have to eat. As soon as it is dark, I will take you out." He smiled at me. His smile relaxed me. Feeling confident that the genuine caring smile wouldn't be there if he didn't have the confidence it belonged there.

"I'll come back soon." Stepping outside the room he closed the door. As he did I called out at him.

"Wait."

My scream made him stop and turn to look at me over his shoulder.

"What is your name?"

He frowned for a moment before smiling.

"I've had many names. But you may call me Carlisle."

Stepping outside he closed the door behind him. Leaving me alone again.
It didn't take him long to come back for me. This time he had a pile of clothes. They were simple men's clothes. As he threw them down on the bed I frowned at them.

"You can't wear that dress when we go out to eat."

Looking at the pile I picked up the tunic and pants. They were clean and looked to be in a perfect order, but they were men's clothes.

"Carlisle.. I don't think that would be appro..." Before I could finish talking he interrupted me.

"Wear them or you will not leave this room." For the first time his soft voice held authority and it made me instantly take a step back. Turning my back to him I quickly undressed myself.

Placing my dress on the bed very carefully, neatly folding it.

The tunic was a little big on me, almost like a short dress that flowed down to below my hips but the pants fit perfect. Awkwardly I tied the string at the top, keeping them into place. When I turned to face Carlisle, I found out he had also turned his back to me.

Giving me some privacy to get changed.

"I'm done." Whispering softly I listened to my voice again, trying to remember if it had always sounded like this.

Carlisle walked to the door and opened it. Waiting for me to join him. When I reached him the sweet scent assaulted my nose again. It made my nostrils flare and without knowing what I was doing. My feet rushed forward, running down the long corridor.

At the end of the hallway I had to slow down, there was a big door, closed tightly. I skidded to a stop. Bracing myself against the door and pressing my fingers into the wood with a disappointed growl. A chilling sound that made me jump back with shock.

In front of me where my hands had been against the door, I could clearly see the soft imprint of my own fingers.

"Isabella, please calm down." Behind me the soft authoritative voice sounded again. Except this time it didn't make me listen or calm down.

Spinning around so fast it should have made me feel dizzy, I turned to face Carlisle and grabbed him by his clothes.

"I won't calm down." Gripping Carlisle tighter I pulled him down, bringing my face to his. Flinching at the reflection of my bright red eyes in his golden eyes. "What have you done to me?"

He didn't reply and angry at his lack of response I wanted to push him aside. Instead I used too much force and flung him aside. Sending him flying down the hallway, a cracking blow echoing in the silent darkness that surrounded us as his back touched the wall. He got up as soon as his feet hit the floor.

"I gave you a second chance at making things right for you and your loved one." Brushing the dust of his clothes while walking closer to me again. There was no sign of him being hurt or angry at my action.

When he was closer I wanted to step back but couldn't move because my back was against the wall. Grasping my hand, he held up the ringed finger for me to see. "This ring will ensure he comes back to you."

I looked at the green stoned ring, dark and cold like myself. And the memories that had felt lost in the past few days started to flood back into my mind. It held no meaning anymore. My Edward was gone and even if he wasn't. Whatever had happened to me would scare him away. He would never love the person I was now. Pulling my hand away from Carlisle I took the ring of my finger. It easily slipped of and with a cry of both relief and hurt I threw it away.

Carlisle disappeared before my eyes in a flash of a second. Moving to catch the ring. He held it outreached in his right hand, no longer facing me but looking at the little piece of jewellery.

"I'm sorry for doing this to you Isabella." His soft voice was broken. Still holding the ring in his hand, he turned to face me. "There is no turning back from here. I've granted you immortality."

The word echoed in my head. Immortality.

I knew what it meant but couldn't understand it at the same time. He had said, until the end of time. Did that mean, for me there was no end of time.

"Immortality. How?" Sitting down I wrapped my arms around my body, trying to hold myself. Keep myself in place instead of falling apart in what felt like a thousand pieces at the knowledge that instead of finding release from my heart ache and dying. I would be on my own, trying to sooth the pain for the rest of my very very long life.

"You have noticed you feel different, look different. It is all part of what you are now." Moving closer to me until he was right in front of me. Carlisle crouched down, putting his hand on my shoulder.

Nodding I knew he was right. My body felt different, stronger almost weightless when I moved around. My eyes could see with clarity I had never imagined possible. Outside the tiniest sound in the forests surrounding this abandoned place were easily picked up by my ears and my other senses... Focussing on what else I could pick up from the forest my throat burned lightly. Frowning I pushed the uncomfortable feeling aside and focused on Carlisle again.

"What am I?" This time I managed to hold back the growl.

"Vampire." The calm in his eyes was gone and were now replaced by a sparkle, telling me he was excited to be saying the word out loud.

"A vampire?" I couldn't help repeating the word. It sounded so ridiculous and at the same time I felt no doubt he was telling the truth. The contradiction made my head spin. Vampires only existed in the drinking stories men would tell each other, they were tales.. Myth. Creations of twisted minds.

"Are there more?" Breathing heavily I leaned forward, crawling on my knees to be closer to Carlisle.

"Yes. But they are few and go unnoticed." Suddenly I understood the longing in his eyes I had seen earlier when I had woken up. He had been alone for such a long time. Pain shot through my heart at feeling his loneliness.

"You've been alone also." It was a statement he didn't contradict. "For how long?"

The hurt in his eyes told me enough. I just nodded and hugged him close, like my maid or father would sometimes do whenever I felt lost or hurt. This man, who had taken my life out of pity was as lonely as I was. In desperate need of a friend.

"Without him, how will I pass the time?" Trying to force unwilling tears from my eyes, I felt the ache in my heart spiral out of control. Carlisle stopped me from falling any deeper by hugging me tight to him, this time his action reminded me of my father. As he did I was thankful for having such sensitive hearing because almost inaudible he answered me.

"By never losing hope."

His words were meant to comfort me, but at the moment only cut me deeper. As if realising that Carlisle wrapped his arms around me tighter. We sat for a while. Unmoving. Just two people, if that term was still right, keeping each other company.

Trying my hardest I tried to hold onto to hope. Hope that one day through some mystic way, the ring on my finger would lead me back to my love. Like Carlisle had said. It still seemed unbelievable to me. But if someone had told me about vampires, I would have laughed at them also. And now I was one.

Stretching my legs, I got up. Extending my hand to Carlisle. He took it and got up, the gesture made him smile. "Thank you Ms. Swan." His use of the name Swan makes me frown. "Was that my family name?"

My words don't mean to come out this harsh but they do and I stop to stare at him, waiting for answer. For a moment he pauses. "You do not remember?"

Closing my eyes I dig through my memory but it feels rather blank. I can see places. People and the feelings I felt towards them. But sadly no names come to mind, except for one, Edward. Recalling his name makes my heart ache and another flash of vivid green dominates my thoughts. Opening my eyes I focus on the calm face of Carlisle, using it as a distraction.

"It's normal to have trouble remembering your human life. At first, it's all very confusing. You don't need to worry Bella." Walking to the door, he opens it. Holding it open for me. "Now let's go find you some dinner."

At the word dinner, a burning sensation lashes out at me from the inside. A flaming pain, so strong, it makes me tip my head back and put my hand to my throat. Unable to speak I follow Carlisle outside.

"Bella whatever happens, you have to trust me and listen to me."

Grabbing my wrist, he tightens his grip. Looking down at his hand on mine, I resist the urge to pull free. Instead I follow him, walking towards the thick forest that surrounds the convent he has us staying.

Being outside for the first time is mind blowing. Even in the dark I can easily see how vibrant the different shades of green are. The bark on the trees shows intriguing patterns my eyes have never before picked up and the night seemed to be filled with sounds. Sounds that fill my head, confusing me. Causing me to keep my eyes on Carlisle and follow him. What captivates me most however is the different scents. They seem to be increasing the burn and without thinking I stop breathing.

Finally Carlisle thinks we are deep enough in the forest, stopping me in the middle of a small clearing. Moving to stand behind me, he places his hands on my shoulder.

"I want you to focus." His words hold authority and make me pay attention. Frowning I try to follow his instruction. But just like our walk here, I can here sounds in the night, smell different scents and see the green around me.

"Carlisle, please help me understand" Trying not to beg, I look over my shoulder at his astonished face. Placing my hand on his hand to let him know I don't intend to run away. I pull my shoulders free from his grasp and turn to face him. "You are asking me to focus, but what should I be focussing on?"

For a moment he remains silent then he frowns and starts talking. "Try and focus on a heartbeat, slow and strong. To your right, can you hear it."

Closing my eyes I try to locate the sound, it is distant and almost drowns in the other sounds but now Carlisle mentions it, I can hear it. Nodding I let him know.

"Good, now I want you to hunt that sound."

The word hunt make my eyes snap open. His face is still serious and now it's my turn to be hesitant as I turn to face the sound of the heartbeat. It seems to be calling for me, making my body want to move towards it.

Taking one step I glance at Carlisle. "I'll be right behind you, remember trust me, no matter what happens."

Testing him I take a few more steps and feel him following me, close behind me. "You can do this, just let your natural instinct take control." This time I do focus on the sound, having located it with Carlisle's help. I take a deep breath and start running. To my surprise I can easily manoeuvre through the thick forest without making a sound. Letting the beating heart guide me closer.

When I get within a few meters, I can finally smell the animal. My feet move even faster and without thinking I rush forward and leap at the small deer. It never stood a chance as I snapped it's neck and tore into it's body. The moment my lips tasted the first drop of blood, I pulled the dead deer body even closer. Eagerly sinking my teeth into it's neck, finding the jugular and drinking it dry.

Noticing some movement from the corner of my eye, I growl and turn my body towards that direction. Holding the dead deer in my hand. When I do, Carlisle is standing there. Seeing him makes me look at what I'm doing and with a startled cry I drop the deer to the ground. My tunic is covered in blood from my monstrous attack. What seemed so delicate just seconds ago now fills me with shame. Bringing my hands to my face to hide my feelings I can smell the blood on my hands also.

Turning to hide my face from Carlisle, I want to run. But his hands are on my shoulders again. Holding me into place without applying any pressure. "Remember trust me, no matter what happens." Remembering his words I dry sob, trying to force tears that won't come.

"I just killed a life animal." My words come out croaked. At least my perfect voice can sound anguished, reflecting some of my feelings. "Ravishing it in cold blood. Drinking it's blood without thinking."

Turning to Carlisle I hold up my hands for him to see. "I'm a monster."

His face falls, showing hurt as I speak.

Stepping back he looks at the deer on the ground. His gaze makes me die a little bit more. Instead of feeling sorry for me, I recognise that he fights the urge to finish what I started.

As his eyes darken I hold my breath, sensing some instinct in me willing me to fight for my prey.

I stand my ground and don't move, like he does.

Finally he looks up at me, the darkness in his eyes gone. All I can see is regret as he slowly speaks before turning away and disappearing into the night.

"I'm sorry."

It might have been hours before I finally move, digging a hole in the ground and burying the carcass of the deer. Fearing people will find it and come hunt me.

At first I waited for Carlisle to return but when the sun started rising, I knew he wouldn't come back for me. Should I have followed him instead? He had told me to trust him and I betrayed his trust by screaming at him. Calling myself a monster in front of him. That was how I felt. A monster. A demon, walking the earth now. Needing blood to stay alive.

Brushing some leaves over the fresh grave I checked to see that it was almost impossible to find. Getting up from the ground I look in the direction that we came from. Following my own scent and Carlisle's scent back through the woods, I notice the distance isn't that big.

Perhaps a few miles and with the sun rising, I push faster to the convent. When I reach it, I use the same door that let me outside earlier that night. Walking down the long corridor, my footsteps are hardly noticeable, it feels like I'm a ghost. Passing through the building without being seen.

The idea makes me smile a sad smile. Turning to face the door to the room I stayed in, I open the door slightly, calling for Carlisle. There is no response and gently I push the door open completely to look at an empty room.

Walking in, I rush to the bed. My clothes are dress, clean and untouched. On top is a piece of paper. With shaking hands I lift it from my dress, careful to not use too much force.

Folding it open the script is cursive, with long elegant letters.

Dearest Bella,

I'm sorry to leave you like this.

The hurt I cause you at what I have done is unbearable.
Upon finding you I told myself to show compassion and turn you without seeking a reward.
But I have been alone for many years and now realise I was selfish to turn you.
Seeking companionship for myself instead of offering you guidance.
There are others like us, better to teach you about this life and better at offering you companionship.

The ring you wear is made by one of us, she can help you learn our ways.
And help you keep hope to find your love.
She lives alone but will welcome you.
Find her up north, near Scafell Pike.
She will find you and recognise you by the ring.
I hope you can forgive me and are rewarded for all your hardship one day.

Until we meet again, with warmest regards.

Carlisle

After reading the letter I feel the room around me starting to spin. Knowing that my own words have chased away the only person in this life that could stop me from going insane. He was right to leave me, there was nothing left for him to stay. My inside felt black, scorched and mangled. Unable to feel any compassion, any warmth or any love.

My heart feels dead. And sinking to the floor, I feel lost. Knowing that my only hope had been to find my love. But that hope has faded. Because when I do find him, I fear there is nothing left for him to love.