Chapter 4
"What is wrong Esme?"
Offering the box to me, she leans closer.
Barely audible the words leave her mouth, but with my new enhanced hearing I can easily understand the two words she confesses at me.
"I lied."
Taking the box from her, I can feel my own hands shake for some reason. "Do you want to open it together with me?" Holding out the bow between us, I wait for her to move or take it back.
For the first time since opening my eyes and waking up to this new life I feel like there is someone in this world that can understand me. Who I can be around and confide in, because right now she is confiding and me. The pressure of responding in the right way, weighs me down and I'm relieved when she nods at me.
"Let's do that, come." Sitting down at the large sturdy looking table in what should be a kitchen area. I join Esme. Placing the box in the middle of the table in front of us.
We sit together in silence looking at it until Esme reaches out and places her hand on the lid.
"Before we open it, I want you to know. In all the years, no one has seen what is inside. Not even Carlisle."
Biting my lip I look at her, giving her a quick nod. An unspoken mutual understanding that the secrets that are inside and she is sharing with me, stay between the two of us.
She nods back at my acknowledgement and with one flick of her wrist empties the box on the table.
When I look at the things scattered around, the first thing I notice is that most is jewellery. Picking up a large ring, it shows a family crest. Placing it back on the table, I notice several others. Similar to that.
Each one has a ribbon tied around them, some are blue and some are pink. It reminds me of the ribbons my maid used to hang on the cribs belonging to my little nieces and nephews when they visited me.
" I remember this." Smiling I let my fingers run along the smooth silky fabric of the ribbons. "Who's are they?"
Picking up one of the ribbons I look at the ring dangling from it. It's gold and looks very old. A delicate design is crafted on the front. It resembles a winged letter with something that looks like a claw. Not very friendly and definitely not for a woman to wear. Examining it, I glance at my own small ring and wait for Esme to answer. From the corner of my eye, I can see her watching me. Her face goes from pained, to angry and then to a very calm expression. All in a few seconds.
"They belong to the men I have killed."
Esme's calm and cold confession makes me let go, the ring dropping down and bouncing of the table. Looking at her in shock as she watches my reaction.
"You see after Carlisle turned me, for a while I stayed with him. It hurt to leave him but it hurt even more to stay with him. Knowing he loved me with all his heart and I loved him. But no matter how much we loved each other, we could never have a family. Our kind are frozen in time, never changing. Therefore it is impossible to have children."
"So you left him because you could not make a family together?"
Realisation flooded my mind. Remembering Carlisle's hurt and empty expression when I had asked him how long he had been alone. Like me he was separated from his beloved, struggling each day with his own reality of being alone.
"In a way you are right. I felt, that perhaps with distance and time between us... the ache I felt to have a family with him.. I hoped it would fade away. It didn't so instead I tried to find another way to satisfy my aching heart. I got revenge."
I sat staring at the sweet women in front of me feeling something that bordered fear and awe. Did she just say without as much as blinking she found satisfaction in getting revenge? After she had already killed her husband? Perhaps Carlisle had been wrong to send me to this women.
Esme doesn't seem to notice my discomfort and picks up a smaller ring, attached to it is a blue ribbon. Dangling it in front of her, she swings the ring in little circles above the table.
"At first when I lived on my own, the lust for blood. It was intolerable and I was afraid to slip and kill everyone around me. Very much like you feel right now. Because of that fear and the promise I made to Carlisle, I stayed away from people as much as possible. There was no need for me to interact with the humans. One day a women came at my door. She had heard rumours of a witch living alone in the woods. I laughed in her face when I heard people thought I was a witch. The women however stood and watched, I could smell the adrenaline and fear coming from her body.
That and fresh blood, close to her skin.
The combination of these scents nearly drove me mad but when I attacked her, she just smiled and laughed hysterically. Screaming that she'd rather die at my hands than stay with her husband another day after he had killed her child.
At her desperate words, I let go of her and when I did, I finally understood what had caused the smell of fear coming from her. She did not fear me, she feared getting caught by her husband coming to me for help. I asked her, why she had come to me. Her answer was not what I expected, at all. She claimed she needed a potion to kill her husband. Her answer left me wordless. I was no witch, there was no potion for me to brew. But if she wanted her husband dead, that I could do for her. Taking the ring, I told her to go home. "
"Did you kill her husband?" Somehow sure I would find comfort in knowing. This beautiful motherly person had perhaps committed crimes I couldn't even comprehend committing but for reasons that made my heart break.
"Oh yes, I couldn't resist. I waited until it was dark and tracked her scent back to their home. I went inside and found him sleeping. She was aside him, new bruises on her face marking the places he had beaten her and above her eye was a cut. The blood was barely dry and her arm was cradled around her head, as if trying to protect herself even while she were sleeping.
The sight confirmed what I already knew and brought back so many memories. I killed him without feeling any regret. Making sure, no blood flowed so I could control my blood lust and not hurt the woman. I took the ring back home with me, after watching her wake up and cry in relieve at being freed from the torture and anxiety of living under her husbands tyranny.
Before I left she looked at me, recognizing me instantly. Instead of crying or screaming at me, she just smiled. It was the brightest smile I had seen in years and it was enough for me to feel at peace with what I had done."
Understanding what she had done now, I grabbed another ring. Holding it out in front of me, I dangled it like she did. "And the ribbons?"
Hurt shows in her eyes at my question and for a moment I fear she will leave again. Instead she takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as she holds onto the ring with it's ribbons.
"Each ribbon is for the child that was never born or murdered at the hands of a jealous husband. Like my husband did mine. And now because of what I am there is no way for me to ever get a second chance."
Twirling one of the ribbons around her finger, I notice it is pink. For a girl. Her eyes showing a longing that softens her expression, trying to mask the hurt that she feels so obviously. It makes me want to comfort her, help her make this life tolerable for her.
Slowly I started to understand why Carlisle had send me to this women.
"Let me be your daughter?" Without any hesitation I ask her. Remembering the comfort of a mother's touch when she had held me. I knew that being a mother was what she had ached for all these years. And I did need someone to hold me, watch me and guide me.
Esme stops what she is doing and looks at me. "You'd want that?"
Her eyes have now lost the hurt expression and a dim smile lights up her face.
"Very much." It wasn't just so I wouldn't be alone in this new life Carlisle gave me. It would give me exactly that strength I needed to hold on to. To find what Carlisle had said would keep me going.
Until I found my own hope to keep me going, I would give hope to Esme.
The days after our talk seemed to flow by easily. Every now and again, Esme would show me things that I could do. Each single one of them made me feel excited and scared at the same time.
She would never judge me for those feelings, instead she would just support me. Saying in time they would feel natural.
When I was with her for 3 weeks, she called me to her. We still hadn't talked about my past and each day that passed. I started to feel more guilty about keeping the other reason why I had come to her a secret.
As I sat down next to her, her face was calm. All her secrets were still on the table because each night we would sit and talk. Each night she would tell me the history of another one of her dark souvenirs. Last night, she had told me the final story. Making me realise, all that was left was my own story.
Without hesitation she looked at me and I knew what she was going to ask me.
" You have been here for a while and there has not been a moment a regret having you as my company. But you seem to be struggling with more than just the adjustment to this life. Let's talk about you..." Grabbing my hand she holds it tight and takes the ring away from me. To my surprise it slips of my finger easily.
" I believe the source of this struggle has something to do with this ring. How did you come to wear this ring on your finger?"
I swallow and bite my lip. My eyes like each time I look at my ring are hypnotised by the green of the stone. Almost making it impossible to look away as Esme puts the ring on the table.
"It was a gift from the man I love with all my heart. He gave it to me before leaving with the king's crusade. As a token of his love and a promise to make me his wife when he returns. But that promise can no longer be kept."
Inside of me I could feel the tremendous rage build up at the injustice that I would never be his wife. Trembling I reach out to pick up the ring but Esme stops me.
"What happened to break that promise?"
Confused I look up at her. How can she ask me that... didn't Carlisle write that in the letter to me? Closing my eyes I remember the line clearly The ring you wear is made by one of us, she can help you learn our ways.
"What happened is, he died and I tried to take my..."
Unable to finish the sentence I close my eyes and wait for her reaction. Taking your life was a sin, even Esme with her box full of dark secrets... she should understand how bad my judgement has been.
"You tried to take your life after receiving news your beloved had died and Carlisle found you."
Her reply wasn't a question, just a simple statement. Opening my eyes, I look at her. But she doesn't look at me, instead Esme looks at the table. Picking up my ring with a frown and holds it out in front of her, to examine it again.
With a soft growl I snatch it from her fingers. Clutching it in my hand, I don't care at that moment how much pain the memories have caused me in the past weeks. It is the last thing that he gave me and the only thing I have to hold on to.
My actions however don't seem to alarm her. Instead she remains very calm and the hint of a smile shows at the corner of her mouth.
"Carlisle made the right choice at turning you, saving your life and giving you a chance to make things right. Please show your ring again?"
Opening my hand she picks up the ring, eyeing the beautiful green stone in the centre. Tilting her head to the side again, one eyebrow is raised as she examines the ring.
"It's a very unusual color this green." Placing my ring back in my hand, her smile warms and her eyes dance.
"He must be really handsome with eyes like this."
Her words confront me and a flash of green, warm and vibrant crush into my thoughts. Followed by that pain. Clutching my head I shut my eyes, as I do the ring slips from my fingers. I should catch it but can't. It is not my main priority now, my mind is occupied by telling myself to think about nothing. Forcing myself to relax so the pain can stop.
When I have regained my control I open my eyes. Esme is still sitting next to me, the table now cleared. All her tokens are neatly tucked away in it's box again. Hidden for the world to see.
The only thing on the table is my ring. I can't look at it. Instead I turn to face Esme.
"How do you know his eyes are green?"
"To explain that, I first need to tell you how the ring works. Can you listen to my story or do you need to hunt first?"
The mentioning of hunting cause the burning in my throat to increase but the suffering will be worth it if Esme tells me more about the ring.
"Please tell me about the rings first."
Esme nods, gets up and collects one of the books from her grand collection. This one looks old but unlike the others, it's cover looks simple. Opening the book, she flips to a page at the end. Pointing at the page, I look at it. The writing is unsteady, several small pictures framing the text and it is in a language I can not read.
"Your ring is old. Created by me a long time ago. You could say it holds a power, the power to guide two souls together. It only works when two souls are connected beyond their mortal existence."
Frowning I look at the page again. "Did you not say the day I came here, you aren't a witch?"
A wicked smile forms on her face and Esme leaned closer.
"Not at that time. However when you have plenty of time and unlimited resources, any skill can be acquired. This book came in my possession by luck and to be honest, most of it is fake. This spell how ever, is based on a power that is around us, each day of our lifes. It simply allows you to see it in a more clearer form."
Remembering some of the bedtime stories my maids used to tell me. I touch the book, running my fingers over the writing. The letters look old and only one word stands out for me luv. Resting my finger on it, Esme nods.
"Have you ever heard of the believe that each person has a soul?"
"What does love has to do with having a soul?" Trying to stay calm, inside of me a little voice begins to warn me. I
Perhaps it would have been better to hunt first. Having emotional pressure added to the burning ache in my body now is making it harder to focus on what Esme is explaining to me.
"Some ancient religions believe that some souls share a spiritual connection, a soulmate. For eternity each soul seeks the other half of that connection. When that soul finds it's other half, the two people that are brought together will love each other beyond anything else in the world. It is the most purest form of love. That bond is unbreakable"
Except by death it is, the cruel and painful thought flashes through my mind. Followed by the vibrant green of Edward's eyes.
"That still doesn't explain how you know about the color of his eyes."
Frowning I watch Esme. Realising I'm still no closer to getting the answer to my first question. Getting more agitated at each moment she hesitates to finish her explanation about my ring.
"They also believe that a persons eyes are a gateway to our souls. To help the other person recognise it's soulmate. When a true lover gives this ring to it's soulmate. The stone in the ring will take the color of his or her eyes. The moment your beloved bought this ring and gave it to you, the spell recognised your love. Changing the stone in this ring to the color of his eyes. Showing that truly, he is you soulmate. It's a connection that stays visible for as long as they both are alive. "
For as long as they both are alive.
Her words echo in my head. I am a vampire and immortal, so I am alive. If that is what you call this life. But Edward, news of his death has been presented to us. It was the trigger that pushed me over the edge, taking my life, leading to my life I have now.
And still the green in my ring was as vibrant as it ever was.
"What happens with the ring... when one half of a soulmate is taken away?"
Gripping the chair so tight, I can feel the wood crumble under the pressure of my fingers. Waiting for Esme to answer, I hold my breath. Afraid to breath as the rage inside of me builds.
"The power remains but without both souls to guide it, the stone..."
Esme doesn't finish her sentence. There is no need because the apologetic look in her eyes tell me enough. My mind finishes the sentence. Without both souls to guide it, the stone loses it's color.
It is with that knowledge I look at the ring and pain takes over. My last little bit of restraint seems to break away. Getting up from the chair, I push it back. Sending it flying to the back of the room, a soft blow as it smashes into the wall. Heading for the door, my feet move without having to think.
Rushing outside inside of the forest I can hear Esme follow me. Her voice calling after me to stop. For a moment I slow down and look over my shoulder, as I do someone shows up in front of me. Tackling me as arms grab me from behind.
Enraged I try and pull myself away from the arms. As I do a loud ripping sound followed by a sharp pain makes me scream. Something feels wrong but I don't understand what it is.
There is no time to find out because right after that I am hit by the green eyes haunting my mind. Lost in thoughts I close my eyes and give up fighting.
Falling to the ground, the person in front of me catches me. Lifting me from the ground and carrying me back to the house. Even with my eyes closed and my mind basking in the warm comfort of Edward's green eyes. I know i'm back inside where I can smell the scent of the house I just spend the past few weeks in. Carefully someone places me in the bed I thought I wouldn't use and cold lips touch my forehead. I don't fight and let whoever it is take care of me, wishing for the pain and guilt to disappear. Calmed by a familiar voice in the darkness untill finally I hear someone leave the room and know i'm alone. It is then I can finally close my eyes and drift away in a sleepless rest.
Arms circled around my body from behind me, making me drop the book I was holding.
Trying to secretly spend some time outside in the orchard reading I completely lost track of time and the arms around my waist let me know; I'm caught... As the book tumbles down to the ground I look down. My eyes however do not follow the doomed path of my book. Instead they come to rest on the tanned strong arms that are now wrapped around my waist.
"You really should pay more attention to your surroundings while walking out alone my lady."
As usual his voice made me feel week in the knees. I was glad he was standing behind me, not able to see my first expression at his words. Taking a deep breath to steady my breath I hoped that my cheeks wouldn't show how flushed I felt.
"Did I startle you?"
I knew he was waiting for an answer so instead I stomped my foot on his toe, causing him to let go and step back. Turning around I smile up at Edward. Ready to defend myself and tell him just how... I stopped mid-turn as my eyes caught sight of him. He had obvious been out with the horses, working for his father. Dust covered his clothes and there was some dark smirks on his cheek. His hair was a mess, sweat making it look slightly damp and somehow a few strands of hay were sticking out. Making it look like he had been rolling around in a haystack somewhere, perhaps he had? I didn't care because once my eyes caught sight of him, I wanted him. My cheeks flushed, again. Making me look down, hoping he wouldn't understand it was desire I felt for him.
Slowly he stepped forward but I needed my space, afraid what I would do if he came closer. Trying to stop him, I placed my hand on his chest. When the palm of my hand came to rest on his chest, I could feel him gasp. Making his chest swell against the palm of my hand. As it did I could feel the muscles move, remembering me what he was. This wasn't my childhood friend anymore, he left me. In his place a man returned with his eyes and smile but a body that cause me to feel things I had never experienced before.
Looking up at his face, I can see he is staring down at my hand. His jaw set tight and a frown on his forehead. "Bella.. stop." The forced words vibrate from his chest to my hand, running like a current through my body. Biting my lip, I slowly lower my hand. Only to have him grasp it and stop me from moving away.
Holding my wrist in his hand, he looks at me with intense eyes. Even if he wouldn't be holding me in place, I still wouldn't have been able to move. His narrowed gaze has me trapped in front of him. As Edwards eyes travel down my body I can feel the heath rise in my body. With each pause, his hot burning stare makes me shiver in anticipation. In the past week we had enjoyed time together. Playful and innocent like we had been before, but like now.. each time I got close to him, it seemed our connection went deeper. Never had it felt like this.
Leaning closer he looks me in the eyes, a green storm raging underneath furrowed eyebrows. For a moment he looks angry, making me gasp for air. Then his face relaxes and he steps forward. " I have been wanting to do this all week Bella." Leaning in deeper his lips softly brush past mine and I tense. This is exactly what I want and fear most at the same time. I know it is wrong but how can it be wrong if his lips feel so good on mine.
Pulling away I try and catch my breath. Edward feels me back and slowly rubs his thumb in a circle on the inside of my wrist. The slow intimate touch only makes me loose my breath more.
"You need to trust me.."
I do and with a sigh I lean in closer into his body only to feel a sharp pain in my shoulder and a cold hand replacing Edwards warm touch. From far away I hear another soft voice repeat Edwards words. Struggling to stay with Edward a sharp pain makes me try and move. Again the soft voice talks to me.
" You need to trust me, this will hurt but needs to be done. Now."
Snapping open my eyes I know it's not real, Edward isn't here. It's just the memory of our first kiss that is bringing a smile on my face. Cold hands rest on my shoulder. Followed by a sharp pain that makes me scream out as I feel the pressure increase on my shoulder.
I scream out loud, trying to make whoever is hurting me stop. Screaming doesn't work and for a moment the pain only seems to increase. It is intolerable and I try to get away but 4 hands hold me down. Someone is sitting over my legs to keep my body in place.
As I struggle with the pressure of being held down and pain cutting through my body as the memory of a perfect smile and bright green eyes drift back into my mind. The comfortable feeling of a soft warm kiss placed on my forehead make me relax and forget what is going on. I let it draw me in, waiting for the words I know that will come from these perfect lips.
In my memory Edward smiles at me.
"You need to trust me."
Trust who. Focussing on the memory of his green eyes, I remember my feelings for him. They manage to push the pain to the background helping me hold on to that numb feeling my mind desperately needs. And with that thought I smile and allow my mind to drift away again.
Have you all read the story before, or are you guys new?
Enjoy! Next chapter will be posted soon :-)