Double D
I stood there for a while just processing the pain in my cheek. Without a word to anyone I left the party. I was tired and I was heartbroken. I got in my car and started for home. This night couldn't possibly get any worse. I turned on my radio and heard: "What hurts the most is being so close, and having so much to say and watching you walk away. And never knowing what could've been, and I'm seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do."
I glared at my radio willing it to spontaneously combust under my gaze. Nothing happened. I sighed, "Oh why, why is the universe so cruel? I feel like I am being taunted like someone somewhere is finding amusement in my pain."
I shut the radio off and pulled over. I parked my car and got out. I wasn't normally one for drinking but tonight I think I'd make an exception. I walked in the building and, considering the fact that it was a Friday night, it was pretty empty. I walked up to the bar and sat down. The bartender was a rotund man that looked kinda creepy.
"What'll it be boy?" I cleared my throat a little nervous, "I'll have a scotch please."
"Really? A scotch? Boy I can tell the drinkers from the amateurs when they walk through that door, and let me tell ya something you are an amateur. You don't want to start off with something strong like scotch it'll only end badly. So here's my suggestion, let me get you something mild to start with and as the night progresses I'll give you the stronger stuff. Okay?"
"Are you implying that I cannot handle a scotch? Because I'll have you know that I have had scotch before and I handled it very well. So no I decline your offer and I want your strongest mixed drink! I am extremely broken hearted and I just want to drown in my sorrows and alcohol." The bartender nodded and turned to make the drink. I slumped in my chair, an all too familiar pain filling my body.
'I just wish I could go back in time and fix things. Fix my first impression towards you so that maybe my crush could be more than a crush.' I couldn't stop thinking about what Marie had said to me. I felt so guilty and terrible like she didn't deserve to hear my reasoning for anything. I rubbed my eyes vigorously to try and keep my tears at bay.
"Here you go son," I looked up and saw the drink set in front of me.
"Thank you," I weakly smiled at the man and then chugged the alcoholic drink in front of me. It was strong that was for sure. I could feel the painful burn running down my throat, filling my mouth, and slowly setting my stomach on fire.
"Well," I half coughed half choked, "I'll have another one of those." The bartender nodded a little skeptically but took my glass to refill it. He returned shortly with my drink and I once again downed it. I could already feel my body subsiding to the alcohol, I didn't know if I could survive one more of those mixed drinks without passing out completely.
"Sir," I yelled a little slurred, "one more of those fancy mixed drinks over here!" He looked at me a little concerned but did what I asked and made me another. As soon as he set it in front of me I downed the whole thing. It was gone in an instant.
"That's some good stuff!" I yelled and slammed the glass on the bar. It shattered and I had some glass embedded in my palm but I didn't care, I couldn't even feel it I was so drunk.
"Son, I think you've had enough to drink." the bartender approached me cautiously and tried to clean up the broken glass. I started sobbing, uncontrollable, gasping sobs. My whole body was shaking and I wrapped my arms around myself in an effort to comfort myself.
"Son? What's wrong with ya?"
"Ma-Ma-Ma-Marie!" I sobbed, "I- I've ruined everything! I'm so stupid! I'm such an idiot! I let her go! I shouldn't have treated her the way I treated her she didn't deserve it! I'm a despicable human waste of space! I-I-I-I"
"Calm down boy. I'm sure it isn't as bad as all that."
"Yes it is! I can't even stand myself anymore." I quickly stood from the bar stool I was sitting on but, stumbled a little since I was still really drunk. I slapped a fifty on the bar and started for the door.
"Son, I don't think you should drive!" I ignored the bartender and kept on my current path, absentmindedly picking the glass out of my palm. There was nothing I wanted more in my druken state then to just go home and cry myself to sleep. Luckily for me however, fate intervened. As I was walking toward my car I heard the sounds of a struggle.
"Help! Help! Please for the love of God someone help me!" A woman was screaming desperately for help. I listened closely and followed the noise to its source. I was drunk but that didn't mean my morals were skewed. I started running and ended up at the opening of an alleyway. I could barely make out two figures struggling in the shadows.
"Hey! What are you doing?!" the bigger figure that looked like it was winning the struggle turned toward me.
"Why don't you mind your own fucking business punk?" it was a man's voice.
"No please help me," the woman pleaded.
"Shut the fuck up bitch!" the man swung and his fist connected with her jaw. She screamed in pain and sobbed. I was enraged and I was drunk. What happened next I was informed of the next day because I was too angry and drunk to even realize what I was doing.
"You prick! Leave her alone!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my hands balling into fists.
"What the fuck will you do about it twiggy?" I had had enough. In the blink of an eye I was at the end of the alley pounding the shit out of the man, or at least I thought I was. In all reality I swung at him, my fist hit his face, he rolled off the girl, she ran, then he hit me back. Hard. Harder then I hit him I was sure. I could feel the skin on my cheek split open but I was far from finished. I swung again this time my fist connected with his stomach. He doubled over in pain and I kicked him down. In a mere moment I was on top of him my fist flying and hitting anywhere they would connect, including the concrete. The man was taking a good beating from me but soon the roles were reversed and I was pinned while being brutally beaten. I could feel myself slipping and I knew I was going to die. At least the girl was safe.
"Say goodnight bitch," the man sneered holding a threatening fist above my face.
"Goodnight bitch," a metal pipe came into my vision and collided with the man's skull. He was unconscious in mere seconds.
"Oh my God," the voice spoke again and it was a woman's voice. "Oh, oh it's going to be ok, I called the police they are bringing an ambulance. You're going to make it." I could feel her lift my head into her lap and set it down. She was stroking my hair slowly and I could feel her tears falling on my face. I reached up and grasped one of her hands that had been resting on my cheek.
"Tell Marie Kanker that, tell her that I'm sorry and she's wrong I'm not too good for her, she's too good for me." And then everything went black.
Marie
I was starting to let my body give in. Tears ran down both my cheeks as the man kissed me everywhere he could find skin. I had screamed for help but no one came. I was doomed. There was no knight in shining armor to save me. There was no happy ending for someone like me. Me, Marie Kanker. I didn't get a hero. I suppose it was just karma's loving way to say: "Fuck you Marie Kanker! You were a bitch to others so here's your bitch slap!" I had resigned myself to the fact that Edd wouldn't want anything to do with me but, couldn't I at least maintain my virginity? Hell no, that's just my luck.
The man was trying to get my dress off now. Oh hell no, I was not about to let that happen. I squirmed trying to get his grip loose enough to be able to hurt him. I was making progress when he slammed me into the wall.
"Stop moving bitch, or I promise that I will make this as painful as I can."
My body hurt and I couldn't fight back. I started to cry harder. Just as I was beginning to let my last sliver of hope slip away I heard a man yelling, "Son, I don't think you should drive!"
This was it. This was my chance to be saved. So I started screaming at the top of my lungs, "Help! Help! Please for the love of God someone help me!" The man shoved me into the wall again, "If you want to live you better shut the fuck up." I just cried.
"Hey! What are you doing!?" I heard a man's slurred voice yell. My attacker turned toward the voice at the end of the alleyway, "Why don't you mind your own fucking business punk?" The other man faltered a little bit.
"No please help me," I begged more tears running down my cheeks.
"Shut the fuck up bitch!" My attacker yelled then his fist collided with my jaw. I cried out in pain, it hurt to be hit. For someone who was usually on the other side of the fist, this was a different experience. I started sobbing, finally letting all hope fade.
"You prick! Leave her alone!" the other man yelled.
"What the fuck will you do about it twiggy?" My attacker laughed and then everything happened at once.
The other man lunged for my attacker and started to swing wildly. I could tell he had never been in a fight before, he was swinging blind. I didn't waste time however, as soon as my attacker was knocked away from me I ran. I didn't look back. I ran to the nearest open building, the bar.
I burst through the door and all eyes were on me. I stood trying to catch my breath, "Please you have to help me!"
"Whoa hold on sweetheart what's going on?" I shook my head frantically, "We don't have time! Call the cops please! There's a man in the alley next door he tried to rape me, and then another man came and tried to save me and I don't know what's going on right now just please call the cops!" The bartender nodded and dialed the phone. There was no time though, I had to make sure the other man was ok.
I sprinted out the door and back towards the alley. As I rounded the corner I saw my attacker beating the life out of the man who tried to save me. As quietly as I could I started to walk towards them, picking up a pipe from the ground.
My attacker towered over the other man and looking down at him he said, "Say goodnight bitch." Opportunity presented itself to me, and I accepted with open arms, "Goodnight bitch."
My attacker turned to face me just in time for the pipe to collide with his face. He fell backwards instantly unconscious. I smirked proud of the handiwork I had done in this fight. I hadn't gloated like this in years. Then again I hadn't had a fight in years either. A groan interrupted my train of thought and I quickly remembered the man who had saved me.
I looked down at him, he looked really bad. I quickly crouched next to him on the cold concrete. The light from the moon shone on my savior and, despite his bruised and bleeding face I recognized him. It was Edd.
"Oh my god," I reached out to touch him but, I didn't want to hurt him. I whimpered a little, "Oh, oh, it's going to be ok, I called the police they are bringing an ambulance. You're going to make it." I gently lifted his head and set it on my lap. His blood was getting on my dress but, I didn't care. Edd was hurt and it was all my fault. I slowly stroked his black hair and couldn't help but start to cry. I rested my hand on his bloody cheek and sobbed.
I was startled when his hand was gripping mine. I looked into his eyes and he spoke, "Tell Marie Kanker that, tell her that I'm sorry and she's wrong I'm not too good for her, she's too good for me." Then he passed out.
I panicked, "Oh my god. Oh my god. Edd? Edd!? Oh my god no. This can't be happening. Edd!? Please Edd open your eyes. Please open your eyes." I started to sob heart wrenching sobs. "Edd please?" Nothing happened. He didn't move at all and I couldn't tell if he was still breathing.
Tears streamed down my face at an alarming rate and I felt like I was going to die. I reached out and rested my hands on his cheeks. I did the only thing I could think of, I started to sing:
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
Say something I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
Say something I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would've followed you
Say something I'm giving up on you
Say something I'm giving up on you
Say something…..
I whispered the last line as more of a plea than just a song lyric. I was begging Edd to not be dead. The ambulance arrived shortly after my song was finished. I had to ride in a separate ambulance, despite my protests.
I couldn't see Edd when we arrived at the hospital. I had to go and be examined for injuries in a separate room. He was rushed to surgery. As soon as my release papers came I rushed to the waiting room outside of the surgery.
I walked up to the nearest nurse, "Excuse me ma'am?" she turned and looked at me, "Can I help you?"
"Yes ma'am, I was curious if there was any news on a patient named Eddward Vincent?" She looked down at her clipboard and then back at me, "So far all we know is that he was beat up really bad. He has multiple wounds that need stiches on his face, a few broken ribs, some internal bleeding, and some broken bones. They are still trying to patch him up right now but, he is stable."
"Thank you," I whispered and went to sit on one of the chairs in the area. I hid my face behind my hands, my tears flowing freely. This was all my fault. If I hadn't run away from Edd at Kevin's party this would have never happened. I sobbed, if anything happened to Edd. I couldn't finish the thought, it was too horrible. I would never forgive myself.
I glanced at the scars on my wrists. Some of them were bigger and more prominent than others but they were still there. I hadn't cut in such a long time. The last time was the day before I decided that Edd wasn't worth it. That I could do better. That I didn't need him in my life. I was wrong.
The thought of losing Edd was torturous. So was waiting for answers. I didn't eat while I waited. I just sat in my chair and waited. I only talked to doctors and I only asked them how Edd was. Some of them weren't even Edd's doctors, I just wanted answers.
Finally at about 4 in the morning Edd's surgeon came out the door. I immediately stood and walked up to him.
"How is he?"
"Well he suffered a lot of injuries, head wounds, broken bones, he lost a lot of blood but…."
"But what?" I pressed. The surgeon sighed, "Despite all his injuries he is a fighter and he made it through everything. It's going to take him a long time to recover and he'll have a lot of rehab to go through to get his strength back but, in time he will be the same as he used to be."
"Thank you," I choked out between my sobs. The Doctor nodded and then returned from where he came. At 6 am I was allowed in to Edd's room. He was hooked up to all kinds of machines. A heart monitor, an IV drip, a ventilator. He looked like shit even after all the blood was cleaned off and his wounds were bandaged.
His face had three cuts on it that were deep enough for stiches and a lot more smaller ones that weren't as bad. His right hand was in a cast and so was his left hand. He had numerous bandages all over his arms, face, and neck.
When I walked in the room I started to bawl. He looked so weak and vulnerable. Like if he wasn't attached to these machines he would die and it broke my very heart and soul to see him like that.
I walked over to the side of the bed and sat down in the chair that was placed there. For a while I just sat there and looked at him, crying till I ran out of tears. Then I gently gripped his casted hand and softly touched his face. He looked so broken. I cried again till I fell asleep.