Chapter 7

Finally I could see how magnificent he was.. only to know already.
I had seen that face before.

Gripping the tree, my fingers dug straight through the bark and into the life wood.
Making it yield for my touch, ignoring how it would leave proof of my existence.

In front of me, aged and yet breathtakingly beautiful,was Edward.

His face looked just as handsome as I remembered it. The years had added lines to his face that had not been there. Causing strength to radiate from his face and making his green eyes stand out even more. From far I stared at him, soaking in each small detail of his perfection. Knowing he wouldn't be able to see me and therefore allowing me a chance to study him without feeling guilty. His eyes scanned the area and I could see his mouth move, answering a question from the women who just left the carriage. He seemed distracted, looking in my direction for one last moment before he turned the horse and road away towards the stables.

Follow him My inner voice told me, begged me and tried to force me. But I couldn't because between me and Edward were what I presumed his child and his wife. Seeing them felt like being hit with something hot and sharp, slashing away at my ice cold skin and ripping apart my insides.

He did not wait for me... he had moved on and created a family for himself.

Watching the women and the child, I noticed the women walked towards the house. She was followed by the two maids, letting them take care of her luggage and child. Her steps were fast and aggressive, almost like she was angry. When I took a closer look I could see she was rather attractive.

Off-course, why wouldn't a man like Edward take a wife that was attractive... he himself was the most handsome man I had ever seen. And in my human years I had been just a plain brown eyed girl from an upper class, who had fallen in love with her childhood friend.

Growling I watched her. She was still scowling and waited at the door for Edward to join her. The child was already inside, being taken care of by a maid. As Edwards walked up to her, I watched his strong sure strides. When he reached the woman, she put her hands on his shoulders and stepped closer. Edward responded by leaning down and kissed her on the lips.

The kiss is short, but enough for me to lose control. Turning around I smash my fists into the nearest tree and punch it. A massive blow echoing through the forest as it cracks into two pieces, split down the middle. It seems fitting for the way I feel right now. Cut in half by knowing I have wasted my time. Ending up waiting too long to find the man I loved, he had moved on.

Rushing home I am grateful for the woods surrounding the estate. Taking a longer route than needed but seeking the cover from the thick forest as I drop my shield and run at vampire speed. Carefully listening, scanning the area for any humans, to make sure I won't by accident expose myself. When I finally reach my home, I stand at the edge of the garden. Inside I can hear Esme and Carlisle talking about a play they are going to see, a happy and light tone in their conversation. They are so happy together, finally allowing each other to love one another without holding back.

I feel cruel to throw my own pain at them, again. Waiting outside so I can calm down, I remember the sight of Edward, sitting on his horse and staring into the direction of the woods I was hiding in. For a moment it felt like he noticed me, on a deeper level. Almost by instinct. That connection I felt was all in my mind. It shattered into a thousand pieces, right after he had kissed another women, in front of my eyes.

Waiting a little bit longer I can slowly feel myself regain some control, pushing my shield up so my black eyes are covered by a dull brown. Allowing me to hide how upset I am.

It was in that moment the grey clouds finally opened up and blessed me with rain. Standing in it, I turn around with my arms stretched out and my face lifted to the sky. Allowing mother nature to calm me with her gift, together with my shield it doesn't take long for my anger to be under control.

Hiding my true feelings I walk inside, stripping my wet dress from my body and going to my room immediately. When I reach it, Esme is already sitting in my room.

"Did you think, standing outside for hours would go unnoticed?" Her voice sounds light but her eyes give her away. She is angry and worried.

Upset about being caught I throw aside my wet dress and start going through my clean dresses, finding a short sleeved blue one. A summer dress that would be much too cold if I were human. The material is so thin and soft, it always makes me feel free. Exactly how I want to feel now.

Taking off my underdress I quickly slip on the blue dress and turn around to face Esme. She is still sitting on the bed. Her mouth a thin line as she watches me change. Walking over to her I sit down on the bed, handing her my hairbrush. Relaxing her face she takes it from me and turns me so I am seated with my back to her. Something I am grateful for, it will make lying so much easier when she asks me things I do not want to answer. Taking a deep breath I exhale slowly and finally answer her. "I did not think it would go unnoticed but I also did not think it would cause for you to be worried."

Esme brushes my hair with long strokes for a while. Silently working, waiting for me to say more. When I don't say anything else, she sighs deep and starts to weave my long hair into a simple braid, letting it fall down the middle of my back.

"You can always tell me anything, I like to think we have no secrets from each other. But if you wish to remain silent about what happened today, I will respect it." Finishing my braid she gets up and places my hairbrush on the bed next to me. Retreating from the room without saying a single word.

After she leaves I collapse back on the bed and look up at the wood ceiling, trying to follow each little grain in the beams. Finding something to think about, anything to think about as long as it is not him.

My resistance lasted about 7 hours. Finally in the early morning I gave up. Esme and Carlisle had gone out hunting together so I had the house completely to myself. No one would miss me if I disappear for a few hours.

Would a few hours be enough? Shrugging I do not wish to answer and go through my clothes once more. After finding a cream colored dress, the material is thick and it has long sleeves and deep pockets at the front. I quickly change into it and hang the summer dress out on display. Ready for my next rebellious mood to calm me.

I left my room, going outside and returning to Edwards house the same way I had taken this afternoon. Running through the forest, the rain had stopped but the leaves were still damp and by the time I had reached his house, I could feel the skirt of my dress was wet and heavy, wrapping around my legs as I slowed down to a walk.

Reaching the split tree I stop and stare for a moment. Straight ahead is his house, am I strong enough to go there. Shaking my hand I lay my hand on the damaged tree. The damage one angry punch has caused is enough to answer my question. Taking one last look at the house, I then face the small building to the side. Using the trees as cover for the biggest part of my walk, I reach the stables and slowly open the door.

Inside it is warmer, the smell of horses, fresh hay and something else reaches my nose. The last scent is so sweet, it causes my nostrils to flare and my mouth to water. Following the scent I rush to the back of the stables. Stopping in front of the last stall. In it is the large horse Edward was riding the previous afternoon. Spooked it moves to the back of the stables, sensing I'm not human and a threat. For a moment my throat burns and the monster inside of me wishes to pounce and devour. But I ignore it and instead look to find what caused me to come over here. Hanging on a hook in front of the stable is a riding coat. The riding coat that Edward had been wearing earlier today. Taking it down from the hook, I bring it to my face.

The scent is the most satisfying and tormenting thing I have ever smelled in my entire life. Clutching the coat tighter I buried my nose deeper into it. Could he have smelled this good to me when I was human? Groaning I know the answer already. No.

As a human I had experienced his scent, his voice, his looks with dulled eyes. Never could I have imagined this and the knowledge only makes me more eager to see him up close. The burning in my throat however alarms me, seeing him right now is absolutely impossible. If this is how I felt with his coat, covered in sweat and dirt from the horses. How would I react to his pure clean scent.

It will be magnificent The monster inside of me rejoiced, sending my entire body in a flaming hunger. Dropping the coat, I took a few steps toward the large doors that will lead me to the direction of the main house, ready to rush in. But my gift allows me to strip me from all these feelings for a moment, keeping me in place. No it won't be magnificent I firmly told myself, it would be unbearable.

Ripping a strip of fabric from the coat I stuff it down the sleeve of my gown, knowing it is safe there. On my body, touching my skin like it had touched his. Just the thought makes me feel a tiny burst of excitement. Bringing my arm up I check and true enough his scent reaches me, even when smothered by my own it is the most wonderful thing I have ever smelt.

Placing the coat back on the little hook, I watch the horse. It still looks at me with frightened eyes, it's body tense and nostrils flared. Sensing something about me is wrong, like any other animal does when it first meets me. Standing still as a statue I wait for it to come closer. When it does, it's warm nose nuzzles me. Gently I touch it's nose, caressing the velvet warmth. The animal flinches for a moment, but then stands still and calms down. Allowing me to show him affection, the trust brings a smile to my face. Whishing humans could accept me this easy. Could Edward?

The thought of him makes me raise my arm again and take in his smell. As I do I hear small footsteps outside, someone is coming towards the stables. Probably getting an early start at todays work. I silently walk towards the door, Knowing I should run. Leave this place before getting caught. But I don't. Instead I look outside through the window. The sun has already started to rise. From the direction of the house the little boy is approaching.

His young eyes are shining and his face is a giant grin. Giving away the fact that he is sneaking out, unattended. Looking around I can only see one hidingplace. Jumping up 4 meters I grab one of the giant beams and sit on it. Just in time to look down and see the little boy sneak in the stables.

He glances sideways before pulling the door to close behind him and then runs to the last stable. The stable where Edwards horse is standing. Weary I watch him run, afraid he will fall and trip. Unsure of how I will react. To my relieve he makes it down to the back in one piece. Only to open up the door and reach up to pet the horse on it's nose.

It is then I realise, the animal was not merely spooked by me. It is in fact easily spooked in general. Shifting it's weight, the large animal throws it's head up. From my spot up high I can see his eyes roll back, revealing the white. As he does, a saying my father used to tell me comes to mind. Never trust a horse with too much white in it's eyes.

Just as I think about that, the horse tries to push outside his stall, knocking the little boy to the ground. As the boy falls he waves his arms and shouts in surprise. It isn't loud but enough to spook the horse once more. Getting on his back legs, he trashes his front legs forward. As he lands, barely placing his giant feet next to the little boys body I gasp. Without thinking I let myself fall down, and within seconds I am covering the boys body with my own.

"Hold still." I whisper in his ear and then I turn my head to look at his face. To see bright green eyes staring up at me. He nods, too afraid to speak. Picking him up, I step forward and place him on some hay that is in the corner. Turning around immediately and stretching my arms out at the horse. "Whooa boy.. calm down." Using my sweetest voice, I hope the animal remembers me. He get's up on his back legs once more, but this time drops to the ground quickly and lowers his head.

Carefully I reach out and place my hand on his nose. Gently patting it. To my relieve he listens and let's me push him back into his stall. As soon as possible, I grab the door and close it. Gripping it tight I close my eyes for a second, only to feel a small warm hand placed against my leg.

The touch burns through my skirts as it moves a little, I realize he is nudging me, trying to get my attention. Looking down underneath my arm, my eyes meet a pair of green eyes staring up at me.

"Are you an angel?" His lips tremble slightly, alerting me to the fact he is about to start crying. Taking in the rest of his face, it shows no resemblance to Edward at all, his hair is red and his cheeks hold freckle's. Sighing in relieve at that knowledge, I crouch down not sure what to expect or why I'm doing this. He steps closer to me and without warning puts his arms around me.

Freezing my body, I panic. It's the closest any human has ever come to me and the burn in the back of my throat causes me to stop breathing and close my eyes. His hot trembling voice brushes past my skin and I know he expects me to say something back. But I can't. I need oxygen to talk and right now, any oxygen I inhale will seduce me even further.

So irrationally I do the only thing I can. Standing up I lift the little boy, adjusting him slightly so he is on my hip. Holding him close to my body with one arm, like my maid used to hold me when I was a little girl. The boy grabs a handful of fabric at my shoulder but luckily he leans back slightly to watch my face.

Walking outside I sit him down under the large tree in front of the stables. Once he is sitting there, he let's go. I can finally step back and take a deep breath. Focussing on all the other scents in the air. Damp grass mixed with a hint of pine tree. Calming down I pull my shield up and look down at the boy. He is staring at me with his mouth open. Making sure to smile and soften my face as I finally speak. "What is your name?"

For a moment he thinks, then he smiles back. "Thomas, Missus angel." Proud at answering the question he smiles even wider. Showing me that he misses a front tooth. It's so adorable and innocent. I can't help but laugh . To be safe, I stand a meter away from him. "Nice to meet you Thomas." He nods once and places his little hands in his lap as he watches me.

"What were you doing in the stable so early, without an adult?" Looking at the boy, I guess he is about 4 or 5 years old. Not an appropriate age to run around the stables on his own. This time he doesn't respond and the smile disappears from his face. Picking at his shirt with his little fingers he looks away from me. Avoiding eye contact. "I'm sorry." He mumbles, looking up at me from under his thick lashes. The green of his eyes so intense as he answers me. "I wanted to see daddy's horse."

Nodding, to show him I understand, I sit down. Keeping the distance between us. "You could have been hurt."

"But you saved me Missus Angel, you fell from the sky." The response is quick this time. The smile is back on his face again and I can't help but smile also. Thinking about my actions earlier today. He did probably perceive my dropping down from my hiding place as falling down from the sky. Before I can say anything he gets up. Watching him with big eyes, I hold my breath. Afraid to scare him by moving away and afraid to be tempted by his warm blood if I smell his scent.

The little boy walks over to me. I'm still sitting down so when he comes to stand in front of me, we are face to face. He watches me for a moment, a frown on his face. Before reaching out he touches my cheek. "You look like my daddy angel."

Frozen I watch him. His warm hand burning into my skin, it's the most wonderful and yet most torturous moment in my life at the same time. From the house I can hear his name being called. Getting up I take one last look at the house, my time has run out. Everyone is awake and my being here will cause them to be alarmed.

Stepping away from the boy I smile down on him. "They are looking for you, quickly go inside." He scrambles to his feet and steps towards me, wrapping his arms around my legs and hugging me. I just stand there, with my arms raised in the air. Holding my breath and amazed at how for the third time, this little boy has initiated contact with me.

Then he lets go, and runs towards the house. I rush in the opposite direction, seeking cover in the trees. Just before I completely disappear in the darkness of the forest, I look over my shoulder. Only to see the beautiful women come out the front door, running towards her son and picking him up.

It is in that moment my already dead heart breaks a little more.

Not only did Edward move on and get married to a beautiful women... she also gave him the one gift in the world I could never give him.

A family.