Chapter 8

A change in point of view.
It's Edwards turn.

EPOV

May 1284

Wiping the sweat from my forehead, I lean over the side of the boat. Angling my face so some of the water will splash up and hit my face. Cooling me down. Ahead of us, in the distance, I can see we are close to reaching the coast, the familiar white cliffs of Dover. I smile at the first sign of England, calling for us to come home.

Home. A smile forms on my face as I repeat the word. With it the picture in my mind of Bella takes shape. Remembering the way she looked when I left her 10 years ago. Her soft brown eyes, heart shaped face and long hair. Will our meeting be like the one years ago in the courtyard. I know the past 12 years must have changed both of us, but I feel sure she will be every little bit as beautiful as I remember her. The memory of her tiny body in my arms has been what kept me going for the past years.

Looking to my best friend, my only friend in the past years. Like me, Andrew is standing with a huge smile on his face. He is returning home to his family also. We have spend many nights talking about home, sharing our dearest memories over a drink. Or two... sometimes more. He has promised to first travel with me to the Swan estate. It is on the way to his parents house and after my years of talking about Bella. He claims to feel a need to see the beauty that has bewitched me.

12 years has past. My smile disappears at the thought of the time we have spend fighting for a lost cause. Our first destination had been to Tunis, aiding the French but soon we had moved on. Further east and with that our numbers had decreased. After a year we had received the news of King Henry dying. With that we had lost our leader, he had gone home to be crowned King. Before leaving however he had managed to negotiate a treaty and a few of us were selected to stay behind.

Our orders were to offer support but really it had been a task of controlling and observing. Now finally we were released, allowed to return home to our families. The news had made me feel joy beyond believe and at the first possibility, Andrew and I had secured passage through Cyprus and Venice to the south of France. Travelling over land and crossing the sea from the north of France to England.

As the white cliffs came closer, I smiled. Looking forward to start my life, at 30 finally building my own family and ensuring my happiness. With Bella.

Late in the evening we set foot on land. Andrew had thrown his hands in the air and got down on his knees, kissing the ground and laughing out loud. I had laughed with him, sharing his joy. We arranged for two horses and started our travel to the Swan estate. Taking the main road, we travelled all night and arrived there at mid day.

As we road our horses into the courtyard and came to a stop, I glanced around. Feeling relieved at the sight that not much seemed to have changed. The garden still looked the same and the large house and outbuildings seemed to look in perfect condition. Getting from my horse, I started to walk to the stables. Only to be greeted by an unfamiliar face. Andrew followed me, glancing at me with a nervous look on his face. Sensing something was wrong.

When the man came closer he stopped and looked at me. "Master Edward?" The disbelieve in his voice made me step back. That and the way he addressed me. Never had anyone in this household called me master, I was simply the son of the man who run the stables and household. My father with all his responsibilities had been rewarded that title by Sir Charles for his work. Not me and yet here was a man, in the stables that once were managed by my father. A man I did not know, was calling me Master Edward. Taking another stumbling step back, I stood with my back against my horse.

"Yes, this is Edward. Who do we have the honour of meeting?" Andrew answered for me, stepping closer and handing the reins to the man. At that moment I was extremely grateful for my friend to have joined me.

"My name is William, I run the stables for Sir Charles." Looking down at his feet, he tried to avoid eye contact. And I slowly started to understand why the man was both shocked and nervous. He had my fathers job and knew it. Leaving me with one question, if my father wasn't working here now, what was he doing? Just as I was about to open my mouth and start talking. Wanting to ask... no wait. Wanting to force him into telling me everything I wanted to know. Before I could speak out loud, my name was called from behind me.

Letting go of my horse, I turned around to see Charles approach me. Bella's father who in the past had been my fathers best friend and lord. The man who had allowed me to woe his daughter even it wasn't appropriate. That same man was now rushing toward me with tears in the corners of his eyes. As he finally reached me, he threw his arms around me and held me tight for a moment.

The force of his embrace almost knocked me of my feet. "Edward." He sighed in relieve before suddenly letting go and stepping back. When I caught the look in his eyes, it felt like the world crumbled from under my feet. "My father, why is he not here to greet me. Where is he?"

Shaking his head, Charles grabbed my hand and gestured with his free hand to Andrew. "I understand you have many questions. But please, not here...Let us talk inside."

I allowed him to guide me to the house and with each step I took, my body grew more heavy. Feeling the ache in my heart build up as the fear of what to come, weighed my feet down. Fearing that the homecoming I had dreamed about so many times in the past years, was not the one I would receive.

Once we were all seated around the large kitchen table, it amazed me how informal Charles was with me. Within a few minutes one of the servants came to provide us with some food and wine. It was the first thing we had eaten since setting foot on English soil. Andrew started eating with a smile on his face but I just sat and waited for Charles to start talking.

He looked so guilty and the longer the silence lasted. The more uneasy I felt.

"You said, we could talk once we were inside?" Taking a small mouthful of the wine I let it slide down my throat, drinking slowly to keep a clear head.

"Yes I did say that. Where should I start?" Leaning back he took a long gulp from his wine, obviously needing some liquid courage.

Bella My mind started to shout at me. Start with Bella. Desperate to see her again and wanting to hear how she is. Instead I asked him about my father. Knowing it was the right thing to do. Charlie just nodded and got up.

"I'll be right back." He left the kitchen and marched down the hall. When he returned he was carrying a brown leather bag. Placing it down on the table, he sat down. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your father passed away 3 winters ago. He suffered from a very bad chest infection. After battling a fever for a few days he quietly passed away."

He opens the flap on the top and pushes the bag towards me. "These are all his smaller personal belongings, I kept them. Not sure why... just a feeling I had." Laughing nervous he looks away from me.

"What happened to all his other belongings." Not touching the bag I sit and stare at him, holding back my anger and hurt. Knowing that when I allow myself to unleash them, it won't be nice. Not for either of us.

"They were sold. We had no use for them at the house and did not imagine you would ever return." The words sound ashamed and I can tell Charles is uncomfortable telling me this.

"Why?" Breathing rough I barely manage to bring out the single word. I'm afraid to hear what else he tells me, so far it has only been bad. And still Charles honest words manage to calm me down just enough to not explode in anger. Andrew has now stopped eating and is staring at me and Charles. A curious frown on his face as he realises what Charles is trying to tell me.

"Tell me why you thought I wouldn't return?" Banging my hands on the table I get up. The anger taking the upper hand, gaining control over my pain. I had made a promise to Bella, giving my heart to her. Loving her, only her and promising I would come back to make her mine for the rest of our lives.

"A few months after you left, a messenger came..." Pausing for a moment, Charles looks up at me. "He brought us news, news that you had been killed. The news upset us all and it crushed your father, after that he was a changed man. Then when the prince returned to be crowned king, for a while we had hope you would return also. But you didn't and in his mind.. in all our minds there was no more room for doubt. We had to accept the news of your dead was correct."

We had to accept.. That means everyone believed the news, including Bella. Crushed I threw my hands in my face, feeling hot tears starts to come from my eyes at the pain I felt inside.

In agony I clutch my hair in my hands, needing to hold on to something and divert the pain I feel on the inside. Pulling at my hair so hard, I'm sure by now I must be ripping it out. It's Andrew that comes to my side and gently untangles my fingers from my hair.

"Edward, nothing can be done. Please don't hurt yourself." I let him fold my hands to my chest and feel how he places one arm around my shoulders. He holds me, like the brother I wasn't given at birth but found through friendship in the past 12 years. Somewhere in the background I hear Charles get up and mumble an apology.

Andrew responds but keeps holding me. Allowing me to cry on his shoulder as the grieve of my fathers death washes over me.

We spend the rest of the evening in the kitchen, drinking wine to my fathers memory. Later in the evening Charles joined Andrew and myself, careful to not mention Bella and neither did I. A part of me warned me to leave the name of my beloved untouched.

Instead we talked about my father, telling stories about him. Charles had truly been his best friend and some of the stories went back before I was born. It brought joy in my heart to know that at least in the last days of his life. My father had his best friend at his side to watch over him.

When the wine was finished and my head was heavy, I was surprised Charles insisted in us sleeping in the main part of the house. Laying his hands on my shoulders and telling me, he considered his best friends son.. his own. The words made my eyes fill with tears again but this time I managed to push them back. Instead I pulled Charles into an awkward man hug and allowed him to show me to my room.

The next morning I awoke with a painful ache in my head. Carefully I got to my feet and made it to the table on the other side of the room. A jug with fresh water and a bowl were waiting for me. Grateful I filled the bowl and washed my face and neck. Letting the cold water run down my chest a little before grabbing one of the cloths gently folded next to the bowl. Drying myself, I scanned the room and found my bag next to my bed. Smiling I picked it up and grabbed a clean shirt and my pants, getting dressed quickly.

When I got down, Andrew and Charles were already seated in the kitchen, deep in conversation. Sitting down across from them, Andrew looked up and Charles looked away, Getting up he patted Andrew on the shoulder. "Thank you. If you need help, I'll be in the study going through some papers."

Smiling an apologetic smile at me, Charles left the room.

Uncomfortable I looked at Andrew. He stared back at me. A tense look on his face and his eyes shielded. I knew this look, and I knew it well. Over the past twelve years, each time bad news had to be brought to our men. This had been the look on his face.

"Whatever it is, be swift with your words for the agony you keep me in is unbearable." Leaning back I cross my arms, preparing myself for whatever news will be thrown at me. Andrew however closes his eyes and softly shakes his head. Without a word he get's up and comes round the table. Reaching out for my hand, he looks down at me. No words are needed, I know he won't speak before I follow him.

With a sigh I get up and let him lead me to the stables. In silence we both saddle our horses, leading them outside the stables. Once we are both seated in our saddle, he turns to face me. "Why don't you show me some of the area?"

I nod and lead my horse towards the orchard, taking the long winding path through the trees. It brings memories of me and Bella. How we used to play here. It was far enough from the house to not be caught by her mother but close enough for her father to keep an eye on us while he was working out in the fields or orchard.

"So, are we just going to remain silent for the rest of the day?" Riding in front of him, I can't see his reaction but his silence confirms my worst fear. We have been in this house for almost a day now. Nothing indicates of a women living here. Charles hasn't spoken of his daughter, the only exception being when he admitted they all thought I was dead.

Andrew presses his horse to walk faster and catches up, riding aside me now. I turn to face him and am hit by the pain in his eyes. Pushing my weight back in the saddle, signalling my horse to slow down to a halt. The animal stops and I wait for Andrew to start talking.

"Charles informed me this morning, what happened after word of your death was presented to them. He informed me that Bella, did not take the news well." His voice waivers slightly as he looks away for a moment. I know he is trying to calm himself, preparing for the worst.

As he does, I lower my hand and rest it in front of my saddle feeling the warmth from the horse touch my hand. Entwining my fingers in it's long thick mane and gripping tight. Resting my hand on it's neck and leaning down. It's steady heartbeat is a comfort I can focus on when Andrew finally turns to face me again.

"Edward, I hate telling you this but there is no other way. Bella is gone. She disappeared the same evening and never returned. All they found were some pieces of her clothes."

Slowly the truth of his word filter through my clouded mind. After my father's death and some of the conversation yesterday, Andrew has just confirmed my worst fear. Out of words I just stare ahead, taking in the old apple trees. Imagining how Bella and myself had spend many summer chasing around as kids, playing hide and seek or just sitting under a large tree as I carved a small whistle or flute for her to play on. Remembering how she could never get any sound of them and I would always be able to play a tune. Bringing out one of her angelic smiles as the music filled our lazy afternoons.

From that my mind wandered to the last evening I spend with her, how different it had felt to hold her.. to be with her. And how much I had hoped for her to love me just as much as I love her. Taking a chance by giving her a ring, to promise myself to her.

None of that mattered now.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep steady breath. This time I felt no rage, only pain and guilt for leaving that heavenly creature. I had brought this on myself.

" Edward please talk to me.. say something." Andrew begged me, his voice calm and steady. I could feel how he pushed his horse to stand next to mine, our legs touching as he did. It was the closest he could come without getting down from his horse. " I know that look, you my friend feel guilt. Please don't blame this on yourself."

Frowning with my eyes still closed I rested my head back. A hollow laughter leaving my mouth as I finally opened my eyes. " Andrew I left the girl I loved, the most beautiful, sweetest, warmest person in the world to prove how much I was worth and hoping to claim her hand in marriage. I left her for selfish reasons, nothing I can ever do will make up for that."

Gripping the reins tight I turned my horse away from him and kicked my heels in it's side. Eager it jumped forward at the pressure. Andrew followed me, from a distance. Understanding I needed to clear my head, knowing the wind hitting my body as the horse would gallop at high speed brought me that clarity. After a while I slowed down and he came to ride next to me.

I turned to face him quickly and managed a smile. He just nodded, a relieved look in his eyes because he understood the awful task of bringing such bad news had been completed.

Returning late in the evening, the first thing I did was run inside to find Charles. When he saw me, he stood up from behind his desk. He looked even older now. Looking at him I realised. Now we all knew Bella was gone, the fact he didn't have to pretend anymore had brought back his grieve. Stepping around the desk I put my hands on his shoulders, this time. Silent we stood there for a while until he finally managed to pull out a chair next to his. Pointing at it, silently asking me to sit down next to him.

Tapping on the papers on his desk, he sat down and turned to face me. "You are the only person left I call family. Renee has been ill for the past few years and is staying at a friends house on the coast now, the fresh air helps. I had always hoped... your father and I had always hoped for you and Bella to marry. I have no sons but you are the finest son a man could wish."

Holding up the papers, he waved them in the air.

"These ensure, after my death, all I have ever owned belongs to you. From this day forward, Swan House and all of it's surrounding property is as much your home as it will be mine."

Throwing the papers back on the desk he got up and pulled me to my feet and into another quick hug. Letting go and stumbling over to the side table where he had a drink waiting. Poring us both some wine, he handed me one goblet. Raising it in silence. His eyes showed so much hurt but around his lips, the faintest hint of a smile showed.

I smiled also, raising my own goblet to his. "To Bella." I whispered. For a moment Charles was silent, before slowly repeating.. " To Bella."

June 1284

Andrew and I ended up staying a few more weeks with Charles. He sent word to his family about the current events. They replied swiftly, ensuring they did not mind and would even come visit if he pleased. He however wished to see them at his own home.

Saying good bye from Charles and promising we'd return as soon as possible, giving him our next address. It felt like he had found some of the inner strength I so fondly remembered from my life as a young boy.

The morning we packed our belongings and left, all Andrew could talk about was his sister. She was younger by 8 years and he ensured me she was lovely. I had no doubt, Andrew was the most gentle and caring man I knew. His sister could not be much different.

Sadly I was mistaken. From the first moment we arrived she claimed her brother, showing me very clearly she thought very little of me. I did not complain and instead spent many hours talking with his father about politics and economics. Their estate was similar to the one that Charles ran. After explaining who I was, he had been very pleased. Explaining he was an old friend of Charles and had no problems showing me how he ran his finances.

He tutored me and worked on my writing, something I was grateful for because I was not brought up by my father to be a man of words and numbers. To my surprise I found great pleasure in the subject but at the end of every day I would still saddle my horse and take him out for a few hours. Enjoying the calm and pleasure of seeing nature through another set of eyes.

After two months, on a sunny evening Andrew joined me. We talked and he expressed his deepest apology for his sister's behaviour. "She's very dependent, needing someone to take care of her. Her moods can change quickly and apparently while I was away, she was hurt by someone she thought really liked her. He was a fraud and my father put an end to it"

I nodded, hoping he would talk on. Instead Andrew continued to stare at me and uncomfortable I shifted my weight in the saddle. " I could understand how you can feel protective about her. She is young and pretty, an easy target."

"Edward, what I'm trying to say. On behalf of my father and mother.. and myself. We feel she would be safe with you."

Thinking about his words I was silent for a moment. I was of an age where marriage was expected and no matter how long I would wait... The love of my love was dead. Andrew and his family were all very important to me, a good family to be part of.

"Perhaps if I could get to know her better... I can say more about what I think of the subject." Biting my tongue at the last word I used, knowing calling his sister a subject wasn't the friendliest thing to say. Andrew however relaxed and smiled in relieve.

"Yes offcourse, you have always tried to make wise and well thought decisions. I understand this must all be very sudden. This is just an option, me and my father, would like to give you. I just want you to consider, no man can spend a lifetime living in solitude."

I just nodded and changed the subject after that. But his offer did not leave my mind, could I commit to a marriage with a stranger? I had always only wanted Bella, and could not believe my luck when she had felt the same way. Now a second chance at companionship was offered. A different kind of companionship...

That evening we were introduced, sitting aside at dinner. Studying her she was pretty, not attractive like Bella had been, but pretty. Her face was even and her figure was slightly too much shaped for my liking. When she finally turned to face me and talked to me, I had been surprised to see cool grey eyes that showed me no fear or respect. Her words were chosen considerate but her voice was sharp. In many ways she was the opposite of Andrew. The only similarity was her hair, a pale blond color that contrasted sharp with

the pink of her lips.

I tried to be as pleasant as I could, frustrated she only showed interest in what I had rather than who I am. Andrews eyes however where on us the entire evening so I made no remark and instead tried to charm her. From the corner of my eyes I could see he smiled at my attempt.

At the end of the evening Andrew waited for me and together we had a last drink. " I think she rather likes you Edward."

Laughing I tried to remember any pleasant response on her side this evening.. coming up empty. If this girls liked me, she had a weird way of showing it. "If that is her liking me, I feel bad for the men she does not like."

He laughed with me, filling our glasses for a second round. "Point taken my friend."

When we finally went to bed, I couldn't sleep. Instead I grabbed some pen and paper, writing Charles for advise. Falling asleep early in the morning and waking up too late for breakfast. Sneaking down to the kitchen, I managed to get some warm bread from the maid. Walking into town and seeking a messenger for my letter. After making sure the letter would be delivered to Charles, I wandered around the little town for a while before heading back to the house in the late afternoon.

As I did, dark clouds masked the sky ahead of me. Walking faster towards Andrew's house, I looked closely at the clouds. They were almost black, pitchblack. It was at that moment I started running as fast as my feet could carry me.

Out of breath I turned the last bend in the road only to take a deep breath, filling my nose with the awful scent of burned wood. Running the last hundred meters I made it to the house, to see both his parents standing outside, surrounded by the servants.

"Where is Andrew?' Grasping his father by the arm, I nearly pulled the man off his feet as I spun him around to face me.

"He went back to get Tanya."

The fear in his face made me let go and without thinking I rushed forward. Finding a way past the hands trying to hold me back and entering the house. It only took me a few steps to distinguish two blond haired figures leaning heavily on each other. They were trapped at the other side of the room, behind part of the ceiling that had come down. Waving at them, I could see the smallest notice me. "Edward, over here... please help me." Tanya's frantic voice almost broke my heart, gone was the icy facade. All that showed now was her fear at losing her brother.

Using a large chair that was still untouched I pushed aside the burning beam that separated us, creating a small gap. It was just enough for them to move past. When they did, I could see large gash on Andrew's head and blood covering his shirt. Quickly I put my arm around his waist and pulled his arm around my shoulder. "Keep moving." I shouted at his sister, she just nodded at me and started moving towards the door.

As I followed her, part of me felt relieve and awe for the calm she could show in a crisis like this. Her dress was badly burned and as she held the door open so I could carry Andre out, I noticed her face was smeared with black and her hair had come undone.

When we finally made it out, I could feel my lungs were about to explode. But Andrew was in much worse shape, carefully I lowered my best friend to the ground. Kneeling at his side and examining his head. The wound was deep and bleeding heavily, along with blood coming from his ear and nose. I had seen wounds like this before, never had that person recovered.

His parents stepped closer and got down on their knee's. Grabbing Andrews hands and crying for him to hold on. I knew he couldn't and gave his shoulder one last squeeze before letting go and standing up. Standing a few meters away from us, with her eyes on the dying body of her brother, was Tanya. Finally tears were streaming down her face and her body was shaking. When she noticed me approaching her, she flung herself towards me. Throwing her arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder.

She's very dependent, needing someone to take care of her. As her arms tightened around me, Andrew's words echoed through my head. We feel she is would be safe with you.

Holding her against my body. I could slowly feel her calm down.

No man can spend a lifetime living in solitude

In my mind I could hear him say the words, raising his glass and toasting with me. A smile on his face as he tried to lighten my mood.

Looking over Tanya's shoulder I could see Andrew. His once smiling face now lifeless. He would no longer be able to keep his little sister safe. Closing my eyes for a moment, I took a deep breath. Knowing what I had to do. I owed my best friend at least that. I would take his place and keep his sister safe.

September 1297

I remembered that day like it was just yesterday. Holding my best friends sister in my arms as she cried at the loss of her brother. Vowing to myself to honour his wishes.

There had not been a day in my life I had thought about breaking that vow.

Tanya had turned out to be a very spoiled young lady, demanding my constant undivided attention. For the first few years we had spend time at either her parents house or at the Swan Estate. To my surprise Charles had never frowned or uttered one negative word about my choice. All he had done was wish me luck, and luck I needed on a daily basis.

Tanya had not wanted children, what she did want was to move to London. Dreaming of being close to the court and claiming London was where all things exciting happened.

So with some of my investments and a loan from both her parents and Charles, in the early spring of 1291 I had purchased a large farming estate just at the edge of town. It was close enough to visit the city easily and far away to farm. My only demand had been for Tanya to try and give me a child.

Our relationship had not been intimate and it had felt very wrong consuming our marriage. Luck however was on our side and after 3 months she had come to me hysterical. Screaming angry, telling me I could expect a little boy or a little girl. It was the happiest day in my life with Tanya and after the first anger and shock, she enjoyed the extra attention. The day my son was born, was a new chapter in my life.

Tanya had even taken a small interest in her son, proud at his cute smile and large emerald eyes. Any person who would see him, would agree, he was a beautiful boy.

So when the news had reached me of Charles Swan passing away. I had packed up my family and went to his estate. Taking care of the funeral, his finances and selling a large part of the estate to the farmers in the area. Giving them a good deal on the land. The only thing I had kept was Swan House and the orchard behind it.

Tanya had gone through the house, finding nothing of value or interest to move to London. I didn't bother, knowing that at any moment, I could return and enjoy the solitude of Swan house. The only room I wanted to see was the one room, I never went into while visiting. Reaching the end of the hallway, I opened the door and walked into his bedroom. When I did, I felt like the earth stopped moving. Above the large fireplace was a stunning painting of Bella. In thought I had spend the entire afternoon staring at it.

Tanya had yelled, screamed, spat and clawed at me for wanting to take it home. I however ignored her, my mind was made up. The painting was coming home. And with each mile we had come closer to the house, my mood brightened.

When I had gotten home, a strange feeling of really coming home for the first time came over me. Smiling I had brought my horse to the stables and returned to the house on foot. Giving Tanya my affection, trying to make her feel better. My attempt to make up with her, didn't work. She had locked herself away in her own bedroom.

As I hung the picture, I was not for the first time grateful she insisted in having separate bedrooms. When the painting finally was placed above my writing desk at the longest side of my bedroom. I pulled a chair to the middle of the room and sat down to watch her.

She was just as beautiful as I remember her.

Thomas had run into my room just after eating dinner, saying good night before the maid would bring him to his bed. Crawling on my lap he had pushed his thumb in his mouth and rested his warm little body against my chest. Together we had sat for a few minutes in silence before I could hear the distinctive pop of his thumb being pulled from his mouth.

Pointing with his little hand, he had turned to look up at my face.

"Who is she daddy?"

Smiling I wrapped my arms around his body and pulled him closer. He responded by snuggling against me, his thumb back in his mouth again.

"That lady is a very dear friend of mine. When I was a young man, I loved her very much. Uncle Charles was her daddy."

Thomas stared for a moment, nodding at the mentioning of Charles his name. Then the sound of thumb, popping from his mouth again, broke the silence. "She's very pretty."

Chuckling I placed a kiss on his head. "Yes she was, very pretty."

Turning to face me again, his little face looked sad. "Where is the pretty lady now?"

For a moment I hesitated, looking over his head at Bella's warm smile in the painting. Such pure and innocent love radiated from it. Sighing deep I looked down at my 5 year old son and smiled. "She's no longer with us."

He just nodded, a sad look on his face. "Is she an angel like nana Grace?" Pulling him tighter to me I kissed him on his head, I was thankful for his innocence. As I did I could feel a single tear slip from my eye, running a hot trail over my cheek. Sitting in silence with my son before finally I trusted my voice again.

"I'm sure she is son, I'm sure she's an angel."

Knowing that my words were true, because even when Bella had been alive. To me she had been and would always be, my angel.