A/N: First of all, yes I know it took REALLY long posting this chapter compared to my usual speed, I'm so sorry! I really struggled writing it, even if I had planned exactly what was going to happen, it was just so hard writing it down in a way I was pleased with. Still not sure if I'm completely happy with it… And also, I've been really busy with school a lot of the time, and when I've finally had time to write, I've again, struggled to write well enough. I promise I haven't given up on the story, even if it might have seemed like it! I've promised myself that no matter what, I am going to finish this. And I am still enjoying writing it, which is a good sign for my inspiration's sake, I was just finding this chapter hard.

Anywayyys, I hope you like the chapter, and remember; I love reviews!

If I can't have you, no one can…

It came as a whisper in her head, always in the back of her mind. If I can't have you, no one can…

X

"Okay, so now it's your turn, which means you've got to draw a new card."

"I know how to draw a card, Lucas."

Peyton was actually smiling, for the first time in… forever. Lucas and Brooke had taken to playing card games with her, trying to distract her (and themselves) from the horrible situation. Lucas was trying to teach them a game he'd always played with Keith when he was younger. Peyton thought it was nice, just doing something as casual as card games. It was nice talking about normal things, doing normal things. Having so much attention on her all the time had been exhausting, and now that they were doing something different, she felt like she could relax a little. And she could try to forget about the tension between the three of them. Brooke and Lucas did most of the talking, anything to ease Peyton's mind, and although they were acting slightly careful around her, she was just grateful that they weren't trying to bring up anything about Derek.

"Are you listening, P?" Brooke's hand fell on Peyton's, and Peyton snapped out of her thoughts, looking up.

"What?"

"It's your turn."

"Oh… right." Peyton looked down to her cards, contemplating her next move.

"You'll have to pay attention, or else you'll lose even more than you already are to my amazing, winning hand," Brooke teased.

"You wish," Peyton smirked. She made her next move and Brooke's confident smile faltered.

Lucas chuckled. "I think you spoke too soon. Peyton obviously knows what she's doing."

He looked at her with a glint in his eyes, and she couldn't help but smile a little, before hurriedly looking down, her face heating up.

Brooke shrugged. "Whatever. I've had enough of this game anyway." She let her cards fall to the bed. "What do you say we get out of this room for a little while? Being stuck inside these same walls all day is driving me crazy."

Peyton and Lucas looked at each other.

"Do you think the nurses will be okay with that?" Lucas asked, raising one brow. "Peyton is supposed to take it easy."

"Come on, we should be allowed to take one walk down the hall without anything happening. Are you okay with that, Peyton?"

Peyton nodded. "Yeah. I'm dying to get out," she admitted.

It was true, Peyton felt like crawling the walls from staying in this same room all week. It almost felt like being locked up again, not being allowed to go anywhere, and she really just wanted to get out for a little. It wasn't like she was very seriously injured; the physical injuries weren't in a critical state, so it shouldn't be a problem. Lucas was also healing very well, even if he still looked pretty messed up, he could walk without his crutches now.

"Great! Let's go." Brooke smiled and stood up.

They helped Peyton to her feet, as she still felt sore at some areas, and was weak from lying around all day. As they got out into the hall a few minutes later, Peyton's eyes couldn't stop wandering around, looking at everything. There were people all around them. Doctors walking past them, or standing quietly looking through charts, or talking with each other. She'd barely seen any human beings other than her own doctors, plus Lucas, Brooke and her dad. But this was really it; people. A part of the real world she had longed to be back in for so long. For some reason she was suddenly very nervous though, and her mouth became dry. She got an impulse to hide behind Brooke and Lucas, who were walking on each side of her. Trying to seem calm, she sucked in a deep breath.

"Everything okay?" Lucas asked.

Peyton nodded, trying to seem fine, even if her stomach felt sick. "I'm good."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head at herself. What the hell was wrong with her? There was nothing to be scared of! It was just people.

She inhaled another deep breath and clutched at Lucas and Brooke's arms, staring straight forward. Brooke and Lucas glimpsed at each other when they felt her strong hold, but said nothing.

"Let's go," Peyton muttered.

They walked through different corridors and tried to talk, without mentioning Peyton's anxious behavior, as she seemed to be determined to get herself through it. She felt like everyone were looking at her, like all eyes were on her, watching her every move, and she knew they were all judging her, making up stories in their head about her. She kept her eyes on the ground, not wanting to feel all their eyes. Soon they had reached a completely different part of the hospital, where they stopped, looking through a stand of magazines and advertisement, just out of boredom's sake.

"Look at this, Peyton! Wouldn't this top look amazing on you?" Brooke said, smiling while browsing through a fashion magazine. She held up a picture of a black tank top with some red writing on. Peyton scanned it.

"Yeah… sure."

Her eyes had fallen on a different magazine, catching her attention. The front page was covered by none other than a band she knew (or had known) all too well; Fall Out Boy. She picked the magazine up, looking at it with wide eyes. It felt like a completely different lifetime ago, when she'd had them come play at Tric, and had even shared a brief fling with Pete Wentz. She'd been such a free person, an independent person, and she'd had so many dreams and possibilities back then. Where was all that now?

Gone…

And there they were, still doing their thing, moving forward in their careers, while she'd been stuck. She'd missed out on so much in her life, and had instead been busy turning herself into a robot for her captor's twisted pleasure. While everyone seemed to have taken a step forward in their lives, she has fallen ten steps back. She felt so disconnected from the rest of the world, as if she didn't belong here any longer.

You don't belong here. You know where you belong. With him.

Peyton shook her head, trying to get that thought out of her head.

Lucas noticed her empty stare at the magazine page, and saw how her hand was gripping the paper much harder than necessary. He stroked her back gently and she jumped a little from his touch, before realizing it was just Lucas.

He hurried to remove his hand from her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," she shook her head, trying to disguise her teary eyes. "I'm fine, don't worry."

"Do you want to go back to the room?" he muttered in her ear.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know… no. We don't have to."

Lucas nodded. "Okay. But just say the word, alright?"

"Okay." He gave her a smile and went back to the stand.

Peyton sighed and looked around herself. She hated thinking about this all the time; she just wanted to go back to normal. She didn't want Lucas or anybody to feel like they needed to take care of her. She just wanted to take care of herself, she wanted to be herself, but she seemed incapable of even walking around in public on her own.

Now that she looked around though, she started to notice that something was off about the atmosphere in the room. It didn't seem like Brooke or Lucas noticed, but Peyton had started to pay attention to the fact that a lot of people were gathering by the walls, and they were all eagerly whispering about something. She found it a little suspicious, and wondered why so many people were suddenly here. She looked closer at everyone's faces, and noticed all the serious mines on everyone. What was going on? She was beginning to become more nervous than she already was.

There were several police officers patrolling among the rest of the crowd, and Peyton's eyes narrowed in wariness. She didn't like this.

Suddenly all heads turned towards her direction and a buzz of eager whispers arose. Everyone were apparently finding something at the other end of the hall very interesting. Peyton's heartbeat sped up. They were looking in the direction in which she had her back turned to, and she suddenly became alarmed at what they were all looking at. She felt her stomach tie into knots.

Although her senses told her to stop, to not move, her feet still forced her around on the spot, and her eyes searched for what everyone else were looking at.

She saw him before he saw her.

He was being led in cuffs by two guards, slowly approaching the same direction where she was standing. He was paler than ever, but had that same, confident attitude she had always known him to have when she lived with him. He had a bandage around his midsection where she'd stabbed him, but he still seemed to be doing fine. He was oblivious to her presence at first, but then their eyes locked. His cold, blue, met her wide, green ones, and she instantly froze, the air disappearing from her lungs. All sound seemed to evaporate, and she could only hear her own, frail breath filling her ears.

His mouth turned into a wide smile, and Peyton took hold of someone's hand, squeezing it hard.

Lucas jumped when he felt Peyton gripping his hand fiercely, and hurried to turn around, to see what was going on. He and Brooke had just started to notice all the people suddenly gathering, but as his eyes stared in the same direction everyone else were looking, his throat tightened, and he understood why Peyton had gripped his hand.

"Oh God," he mumbled, his stomach twisting from the sight of that monster. It didn't seem like the guards or anyone else in the hall had noticed that the victim of this man was standing right in front of them. "Peyton." He pulled at her arm. "Let's go, Peyt…" he said, trying to drag her with him, but she didn't move.

"Peyton," Ian said loudly, and his voice clanged through the hall, filling her ears as he came closer. "Baby..." All eyes moved from Ian to Peyton, and the guards walking on each side of him seemed shocked to see her standing right there.

"I knew you couldn't stay away from me, huh?" he said, smiling even wider and Peyton felt her blood run cold. He was only a few meters away from her before the guards stopped in their tracks, holding him back. Two officers came out from the crowd to each side of her, pulling her to the side.

"We're very sorry, Miss Sawyer. You shouldn't be here, we didn't know you would be down here…"

Both Brooke and Lucas had lost their ability to speak, and Lucas felt his blood starting to rush in anger from seeing him staring at her with such pleasure, with no hint of regret whatsoever in his expression.

"Peyton! Talk to me, baby. I know you didn't mean to misbehave, you made a mistake and I forgive you. Tell them it's okay, tell them you love me, that I'd never hurt you. Tell them to let me go so we can go back home," Ian commanded firmly towards her. Peyton felt her eyes move to the ground in shame, as they so often did when he would be angry with her.

"I… I…" she muttered.

"Shut it, Banks," one of the guards snapped, before they started moving again, slowly dragging him past Peyton and the others.

Ian started struggling in his restraints, trying to reach for her, before his eyes fell on Lucas, and he suddenly got a sly smile on his face. "Did Peyton tell you how much she liked it, Lucas?" he yelled over his shoulder. "Did she tell you all the things she did for me? Did she tell you what name she moaned in the dark when we made love? Because it definitely wasn't yours."

Those last sentences was enough to make Lucas explode, and before he knew it, he had lunged forward and thrown his fist into that bastard's face. He was about to send another flying punch, before he registered people yelling all around him, and several strong arms grabbing onto him, pulling him backwards away from Ian. From what he could see, Ian was bleeding harshly from his nose, but he still managed to send Lucas a cruel smile, before the guards forced him around, rushing towards the exit.

"Let go of me," Lucas growled, fighting against all the hands holding him back. "I'm going to show that- that sick twisted-"

"Lucas; Peyton!" Brooke hissed. Lucas turned around, still growling, to see Peyton standing in the exact same position he had left her in. She had turned completely white in the face, and her eyes were locked on spot where Ian was being led out. Lucas instantly forgot his task to kill the bastard and hurried to her side, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear. "I'm so sorry, Peyton. We should never have taken you out here, it's all my fault. Don't listen to him, he can't-"

"Just take me back to my room… please," she interrupted in a small voice, almost sounding like a child.

"Yeah- yeah, of course," he said, his heart sinking from the sound of her broken voice. Ten minutes later, two of the police officers had followed them back to Peyton's room, and they were met with an angry, anxious Larry.

"Where the Hell have you been?" he rumbled at them. "I've been worried sick, I've asked everyone where you were-"

"Larry, not now…" Brooke interrupted, hinting with her eyes at the pale girl next to her. Larry instantly noticed how disconnected and tired Peyton looked, and his worried state became worse.

"What happened? Are you- is she okay?"

"We'll explain it later," Lucas muttered. "How about you try and get some sleep, Peyton, okay? And then we'll be back in a while?"

Peyton nodded without a word, walking towards the bed. Larry put his arms around her for a moment, kissing her head, and she stiffened at once. He released her with a sad frown, wishing he could get to touch his own daughter again without having her become rigid like a statue.

Peyton got into bed and avoided everyone's stares, blocking it all out. A few moments later, the room was empty and she was alone. She didn't even know if they'd said anything to her before they left, but honestly, she didn't even care. She let out an exhausted sigh, lying down into the pillows. She ended up just staring at the ceiling for a while; she couldn't even cry.

Being back… being away from him didn't feel like it was supposed to feel. She'd spent all those months, locked away, being scared and alone, dreaming and wishing for a chance to see her friends again, to go home again. She'd thought that if she ever did manage to get away from him, everything would be okay, everything would be normal again, and she'd be happy. But there was only one problem with that; she wasn't normal anymore. She wasn't the same girl she'd been five months ago, she wasn't the same person they'd all known. Derek… he'd changed her, and she hadn't even known it. She was beginning to realize how much of her Derek really owned. He was the only person who had known her for the last five months, the only person who had seen and felt her, the only one who had been with her. He knew how to control her, he knew all kinds of things that she'd rather keep secret. He had all these moments, days and hours, months… which he had stolen from her. She couldn't get all that time back, but she wanted to so badly.

He had forced her to become someone else, he'd broken her, he'd truly made her his. And she wondered how she could ever be herself again? How could she ever live her old life again, when she wasn't her old self?

She was just broken.