Chapter 9

"Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart,
A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate."

BPOV

The tiny piece of fabric burned against my skin all day. Somehow each time I moved and the sleeve of my dress would cause the fabric to shift, the tiny piece of fabric moved also. It's touch against my skin making my entire body alert to the fact, Edwards scent was on my skin. It caused me to smile and feel a burning desire deep down in the pit of stomach. A feeling I had never before experienced. Part of me feared it... but a larger part of me longed for it.

In the evening I went to my room and changed into an old dress, a more simple model in a dark fabric and high hemmed skirt, causing the fabric to stop just below my knee. It was great for only one purpose, hunting.

Remembering how easy the burn in my throat had surfaced when the little boy had flung his arms around me. Completely oblivious to the fact, I was the most dangerous predator he could ever come across in his life. Yet at the same time, the generous trust he had shown.. it was so pure and unconditional. I doubted if I ever would be able to hurt him. But before going back to Edwards house, I needed to hunt.

As I was leaving the house, Carlisle and Esme had returned from their hunt. Holding each other's hands and staring at each other with loving eyes. It seemed that in the last 25 years, the bond between them had only grown stronger. The sight of them together, made me stop and smile.

Esme had let go of Carlisle's hand as soon as she had caught sight of me, standing outside in my hunting dress. "Bella, are you leaving for a quick hunt?'

I laughed and lifted one eyebrow at her, smiling at her question because the answer was obvious. Lifting the skirt of my dress, exposing even more leg, I did a little bow for her. "Actually I thought, I might try and invite myself to a dance. Hoping the generous amount of skin shown, will please the men and give the women something to talk about."

Twirling around once, I let go of my skirt and stepped forward a few steps. Esme laughed and grabbed my hand. Together we danced a little, laughing like children in the moonlight as Carlisle stood and watched. An amused smile on his face.

When we finally let go of each other, Esme made her way to Carlisle and gave a him a soft kiss on the lips. "Would you mind if I go with Bella, just to keep her company?"

Before I could stop him from answering, he glanced over Esme's shoulder and straight into my eyes. The words got stuck and only a soft hiss left my mouth as I recognised the look. " No I wouldn't mind at all, in fact I think it would be a great idea for you to join Bella. Have fun together." Leaning down he kissed her on the mouth,soft and swift.

Stunned I stood and watched, knowing from the look in his eyes. He knew, something was going on and this was his way of finding out. Sending Esme with me, knowing she would push and probe until finally, I would give and tell everything.

Why wouldn't you? My subconscious asked me. Frowning I bit on my lip as I tried to find an answer. Knowing that the seconds were slipping away. For a second I panicked, trying to focus on Edwards scent. Checking if it wasn't too obvious but as i did, it was hardly there and I actually felt disappointed.

"Are you ready to go?" Stepping next to me, Esme hooked her arm through mine. "We found a lovely forest, about 3 hours from here with a rather large pack of wolves. If we hurry there, I'm sure we can pick up the scent. It has only been a few hours since Carlisle and myself came across the scent."

I knew she was in an extremely good mood and tried to make me feel better also. Wolf was one of my favourite. And somehow the fact I was eating an animal that hunted and ate other smaller animals. It felt more right, like it was almost justified for me to track, kill and feed from a lesser predator.

Nodding I started walking, allowing Esme to keep her arm hooked through mine. Once we had made it out of the fields where some workers or travellers could see us, I did pull loose. As soon as I did, I started running as fast as I could. Tracking the trail that was left by Carlisle and Esme. Behind me I could feel Esme follow me, her footsteps a faint echo of mine.

Around us it was getting darker and pretty soon, the night animals started coming out. With them the wolfs started moving around and it didn't take much effort to find the scent. Stopping for a moment I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Focussing on the sound of their heartbeat, counting... one steady beat... another deeper and steady beat..

It was enough to leap forward and crash through the low hanging branches, leaving a path of destruction behind me and a confused Esme. Usually either she or Carlisle needed to lead the chase but tonight a deeper desire took hold of me. Within seconds I was perched up on the thick branch of a tree at the edge of a clearing. Below me 2 large wolves were pulling at pieces of a dead animal.

My mouth pooled with venom as the sweet earthy scent of the animals hit my nostrils and without hesitating I let go of the branch. Falling down on the largest of the animals and snapping it's neck with one quick flick of my wrist. Straight after that I grabbed the other wolf by it's neck and pulled it to my face. The motion made my sleeve brush against my skin, moving the little piece of cloth. The combined scent of Edward and the adrenaline filled blood of the wolf I had in my hands, pushed me over the edge. Quickly I drained the animal, rough and wild as I couldn't seem to get release from it's blood. When the first animal was dry I went back to it's dead companion. Already the body was cooling down and frowning with disappointment I finished the wolf.

Letting go I stepped away from the two drained wolfs and looked down.

"Bella."

From behind me, Esme softly called my name. Standing at the edge of the clearing, she was waiting for me to acknowledge her presence. As I glanced at her face, the usual calm and loving expression was now mixed with fear, concern and disbelieve.

"I don't know what came over me."

Mumbling back at her, I didn't turn to face her.

"One moment I was fine, running and in control... the next it felt like I was called towards that clearing, as if their heart beat in mine and their blood flowed through mine. I could track it and as I did... it consumed me full. There was no turning back."

Pushing the largest of the bodies with my foot. I looked down at my hands, noticing the blood under my nails. Before I could hide them, Esme had come closer and wrapped her pale white hand around mine. Hiding the blood from both our eyes as she held my hands in hers.

"You seem different tonight. Unlike usual, your emotions are stronger than your gift. Did something happen, something that is causing your lack in control?"

Tell her Immediately my subconscious roared to life. Shifting my weight, I tried to decide what I wanted to do. As I did, the feeling of Esme her fingers slipping into the sleeve of my gown made me try and pull back. But she had her hand clasped around my wrist, tight and secure. Closing my eyes, I felt the loss of Edwards strip of fabric.. slowly being pulled away from under the fabric of my dress. Brushing past my skin until finally, there was nothing left.

Closing my eyes, I willed myself to stand still. Even when my entire bing screamed at me to take the fabric back from Esme. Instead I focussed on the air around me and took a deep breath and smiled as I inhaled the sweet scent.

"Who does this belong to?"

Even without looking, I could tell she was holding it out in front of my face.

"Edward." Breathing his name, I felt a tingle inside the pit of my stomach. "I found him yesterday, by accident... you could say his path crossed mine."

The silence between us lasted for a moment. I could hear Esme shift her weight, in the background, deeper down in the forest I could hear the sound of an owl and small animal move around.

The touch of Esme's hands on my arm made me open my eyes again. Looking down, I could see her carefully stuff the little strip of fabric back up my sleeve. When she was done, she let go of my arm and pulled me into a tight hug. When she was done, she let go and stepped back. Smiling at me, the fear, concern and disbelieve now replaced by relieve and joy.

" This is great news, right?"

Nodding I just stared down at the spot where I knew she had gently placed the fabric back.

" Are you going to see him again tonight?"

Nodding again, I looked away from her face. Trying to escape her excited eyes.

" Did he see you?"

"No" I knew I was right, that evening when he had looked into the forest. He had been deep in thought. It wasn't me he had been looking at, he had been deep in thought. " He didn't see me." But his son did, silently I finished my sentence. Afraid to admit that little bit of truth to Esme.

"He looked just as magnificent as I remember, even better. Now everything about him calls for me, the sound of his voice, the way he moves but most of all his scent. That is why I took the fabric from his coat, I needed it with me. And I need to see him again, as soon as possible."

Feeling relieved to at least admit to Esme, my feelings for Edward, I looked up to see her face. I was met with exited eyes and a warm smile on her face. She didn't say anything, instead she pulled me into a tight hug. Brushing my hair back as she let go, whispering in my ear like it was secret between the two of us.

"In that case, we have a no time to waste. You have a date tonight. Let's go home and find you a dress to wear that will make him forget the past 25 years of his life."

Esme's sweet words had made it impossible for me to tell the full story. The story of how I had followed a man and his family to his home. Returning in the early morning, before the sun had come up. The part, where after ripping his coat to pieces and stealing a part, I had almost been caught. How I had been clinging to the large beams that supported the roof as I feared getting caught. Hiding from his son.. only to come out of that hiding place minutes later and expose myself.

Yes. Perhaps that was the part of the story I feared most to tell her. How I had exposed myself to a little boy. Showed him, I am not human. Or perhaps his easy acceptance of my being different was what I feared most. All day long, the thoughts in my mind had run wild. Imagining how it wasn't Thomas who gently touched my face and called me an angel... but for Edward to place his hand on my cheek and call me his angel. The way he had done in what felt like a lifetime ago. 25 years was a long time to spend alone. I had spend that time alone but Edward didn't. He had a wife and child.

There was no way I could have told Esme all of that. Instead I had smiled back at her, letting her think that finding Edward was light and easy.

After we returned from the hunting, she had picked a long flowing dress for me to wear and carefully helped me pin my hair back. When I was dressed and ready to leave again, she had pulled me in a tight hug.

" Have a nice evening Bella." Her hopeful whisper made my heart swell, knowing she wished for me to be happy almost as much as I wanted to be happy for myself.

Rushing to Edwards house, I tracked his scent to the back of his house. Pinpointing his location to a large room on the first level. Looking around, I noticed a large oak tree near one of his windows. Climbing up, I sat down on a thick branch. It gave me clear view of his room. Edward was sitting in the middle of the room, staring at something I could not see. On his lap was his son. The boy had fallen asleep and Edward carefully held him into his arms.

I sat watching him, examining each detail of Edward's face. The strong jaw and cheekbones with his straight nose, perfectly being shown from the angle I was watching him. His green eyes now had small wrinkles at the corner, my father had them. Always telling me they came from laughter, and something inside of me wished for Edward to smile. Just so I could see how the small lines on his face would add to his joy. The image of a laughing Edward, looking at me at the same time. It caused the same tingling sensation to run through my body.

Finally he got up, picking up his son in his arms. Holding him close to his chest as he walked out of the room. I watched him leave. And waited, hoping...wishing he would return soon because every moment apart felt like torture. Just as I was going to sneak inside and find out what room he had taken his son, the door to his room opened and Edward came back into his room.

He walked to the window, looking out into the night. Like the first day I had seen him, he seemed to be looking directly at me. Pushing my body against the stem of the tree, hiding my figure from the pale moonlight. I hoped the night was dark enough to keep him from seeing me.

Edward continued to stare into the night for a moment longer before turning his back to me. His breathing was uneven as he sat down in the chair and buried his head in his hands. Listening close I realised he was crying. Just as I was going to leave, torn apart myself at the sight of his pain, I heard him speak.

" My angel, my Bella... How I wish Thomas was right."

His words sounded so pained and broken... and yet I heard them clear. They cut down into my body, hurting me the way I had felt in pain when he had kissed his beautiful wife.

Except this time it wasn't Edward who caused me pain, I knew it was the other way round. I was causing Edward pain.

Without thinking I lowered myself back to the ground and as fast as I could, I rushed to the house. Standing below his window, his silent sobs continued. Scanning the wall I noticed some stones, sticking out enough for me to place my feet on. Using them for support I climbed to his window. Staying completely silent and hidden in the darkness as I entered his room.

Taking a silent breath before finally speaking.

* * * EPOV * * *

All evening my darling little boy had spend talking to me about his adventure early this morning. At first I had been angry at him for sneaking out and visiting my horse Pion. The stallion was magnificent but could not be trusted and Thomas knew, he was forbidden to go into the stables alone because of that.

His triumphant words as he had exclaimed with joy, he had found my angel. It had almost been too much for me. But in his childish enthusiasm, Thomas had continued talking about his morning. Claiming an angel, my angel.. had come down from heaven and saved him from Pion.

After he had finally fallen asleep in my arms, I had brought him to his bed. Passing Tanya's room on my way back. She had confronted me, claiming it was bad enough her husband loved someone who didn't exist but forbidding me to fill Thomas his head with stories of her. Threatening me to destroy the painting.

I had felt enraged and never in my life had hated her more. Without thinking I had pushed her aside, not caring if I had hurt her. Feeling only the grieve at that moment for being denied a lifetime with Bella.

Without looking back, I walked to my room. Closing the door behind me, locking out the real world. My reality, the one I hated so much.

Now I stood staring outside, feeling so sure that out there was something else for me. Something better.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to control my breathing and get a grip on my unsteady heart. It was no use... I could not calm myself down. So instead of going to bed, I sat down in my chair. Facing the image of the one person that held my heart.

Silent tears started to run down my cheeks as my heart was once more filled with anger, pain and most of all the feeling of being completely alone. Andrew had once told me No man can spend a lifetime living in solitude

Little did I know, marrying into a life without love was exactly that. A life living in solitude. Without thinking I buried my head in my hands and the excited stories my 5 year old son had told me, together with the longing feeling I felt, sparked words I had never thought of saying out loud.

" My angel, my Bella... How I wish Thomas was right."

Behind me I felt something, a presence. Lifting my head from my hands, I was just about to turn around when a musical soft voice filled my room.

"Thomas is right."

And just like that, without even having to turn around. My world crumbled to pieces and was reshaped and put back together in just one short second.