Disclaimer:
Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters
August 2007 BPOV
My feet make no sound as I run through the forest. Brushing through the low shrubs...twisting around each obstacle with great care while listening for a heartbeat. Hunting on sound not on scent like I had in the past few years each time I went out alone. It was slightly more difficult but the only way I could hunt alone. It helped me guard the darkness inside of me. Making sure that no matter what would happen, it could not come out to play.
In the past years I have slowly pulled up a wall around me and at each new obstacle I have fought not to lower my guard but instead grew stronger.
The biggest temptation had been Alice her slip up many years ago. After seeing what happened first hand, how much impact her mistake had on our family. The fear of ever falling prey to my instincts like she had in the future was so big, it controlled my life.
Unlike Alice, I already had my wild years. Resulting in Carlisle and Esme having to beg one of the most feared vampires in the world for my second chance, or perhaps I could look at it as being a third chance at life. After all, my second chance at life had been the night Carlisle found me, attempting to take my life. A small part of me still felt angry at being denied the choice to end my pain. It was only a small part, the better part of me felt at peace.
The first years it had felt like my chance at life had come against a prize much too high, taking my sisters life and turning her into one of our own, a vampire.
Alice however had, with the exception of only that one incident that all of us desperately tried to forget kept her slate clean. She had kept her humanity and had been the best sister possible. I loved her.
We spend almost all our time together, trusting each other completely. That is why it had hurt when she refused to hunt with me today. Emmet wasn't here either.
Almost 19 years ago now, his separation from our family had started. It had felt like a blow to the head. Making me realise that in the past years, I had come to rely heavily on my brother. It had been a very emotional night for me because of the events that had taken place that night.
It made me sad not to be able to talk with my brother. I felt the need not just to clear my own mind but perhaps fix whatever was broken between us. At each attempt to talk, he had only grown more distant and started to go hunting with Alice more and more until a few years ago, he left our family completely.
Alice knew where he was, she went to see him every now and again. But not me. She promised me that Emmet would come home when he was ready.
I believed her, my sister had never lied to me. And so for now I was on my own.
Hunting for an animal with fear in my mind at the same time.
Always guarded.
Instead of using all my vampire senses I ran through the forest, slightly above human speed. Fresh tracks were leading me deep into the national park. Following them I tried to listen, eager to hear the heartbeat of the large deer. Lowering my shield just enough to have heightened hearing and speed. Just enough to have an advantage to track, sneak up and attack the animal.
After another 25 minutes, I grew frustrated. The tracks looked fresh and were leading away from the more travelled parts of the forest, giving me confidence I was on the right trail. But after running for miles, I still hadn't picked up on anything. Stopping I concentrated with a frown, relaxing my gift and enhancing my senses. Ignoring my inner demon rejoice at being allowed to come out and play. Even if it was just my ears and sight that sharpened further.
Finally I picked up on the fain heartbeat several hundred meters away. It was slow... too slow for a deer. And somehow it sounded clouded, perhaps like it was in water. Focussing on the sound, I knew for sure, around it I could hear water running.
Walking forward while concentrating on the sound I reached the last line of trees. The sound of running water now loud and overwhelming. Pushing aside the last of the branches, I could already smell the wet leaves and sand. In front of me was the large stream that ran through the national forest. The rain in the past few weeks had added strength to the current and it's water washed wildly against the large boulders, causing currents.
My ears were still focused on the dull beat of a heart as at the same time, my eyes caught sight of something yellow. A bright yellow one person kayak was stuck upside down between two large boulders and the current was beating against it with force. Causing it to slam into the large boulders repeatedly. From it, the faint sound of a heartbeat called for my attention. It was the sound that had guided me here.
Without thinking I ran forward and jumped into the river. The water yielding for my stone body as I quickly made it to the kayak. Grabbing it without thinking I pulled it free, as I did the person in it slipped free and disappeared under the water again. Flinging the kayak aside, it hit a large boulder, cracked and got pulled down the river with the current. It was broken beyond repair, but the human... The human could still have a chance.
Diving after the human who had slipped free from the kayak, I could see the body being pulled down by the current. Reaching out, I barely managed to reach an ankle and grabbed it tight. Too tight.
Under my palm I could feel bones yield under my touch as I yanked the body closer to me with all my strength.
The body felt light in my arms, weak and fragile. He did not respond at all, even after being subjected to such excruciating pain. If his heart wouldn't be beating, I would have been sure the man was dead. But he wasn't.
And all I knew... all I allowed myself to feel right now was the need to safe this man's life. Placing my feet on the bottom of the river, I pushed myself out of the water. Jumping high above the water with the human still pressed to my body. Scanning my surroundings I felt sure we were alone. And to my left, I found what I was looking for, a small clearing at the edge of the water. Swimming as fast a my legs allowed, I headed towards the riverbank while holding on to the human.
When I finally reached the edge of the river, I slung the body over my shoulder to free my hands and lifted myself out of the water and on the dry. As I did a hint of human scent made my nostrils flare. Growling I tried to ignore the temptation.
Holding my breath I dropped the body to the floor a little bit too rough. Kneeling down beside him, I could still hear the heartbeat so I was sure he was still alive.
Should I turn him on his back or on his side?
Trying to remember what Carlisle had taught me about humans and applying first aid, I rest my hands on his shoulders. The warmth of his human body iss only slightly noticeable, his skin has cooled down to a temperature closer to mine. Humans are supposed to be warm. I frown knowing something is wrong.
This can only mean, he has probably been in the water a while. Carefully I lean over him and pulled his arms free from his body. Gently applying pressure at his wrist, exactly the way Carlisle has explained to me on his quests to interest me for human medicine. I easily find what I was looking for. Counting carefully, he has a strong pulse.
Sighing with relieve, I decide he has been knocked out before he went underwater and perhaps has only been upside down for a few short moments.
Looking down at his almost lifeless body for a moment, and then at the grey weather above my head, I shake my head and sigh. The man had been a fool to go out on his own after the rain past days. I notice he is wearing outdoor sportswear, designed for kayaking in extreme weather. At least that shows me he had some clue what he had been doing, but still.
Why would anyone go out in this weather?
The man was a fool. Anger starts to build inside in me, alarming me to the fact I am slipping out of my shield. I need some distraction. Pushing aside the angry thoughts, I let my eyes explore the human lying on the ground in front of me. The fabric stretches around his shoulders. It's a wetsuit, designed to keep him warm. The only problem is, on his back the wetsuit has a large rip in it. Holding my breath, I check the torn fabric but there doesn't seem to be any wound.
No blood. Relieved, I allowed my fingers to rest against his skin. Running my fingers over the smooth skin of his lower back that is exposed through the tear. I could feel the muscles flex in response underneath my cold fingers. It's unlike anything I have ever experienced before.
I had touched plenty of humans when feeding on them in the years I had spend with Tristan. Even sometimes trying to find pleasure in our contact until the smell of their blood became to enticing. But none had given me the feeling of electricity sparking through my hand, pleasantly tingling my arm and slowly fading through my body.
Pushing my hand up further, I rest my hand between the wet fabric and his smooth skin. Revelling in the pleasure it brings me. Feeling a sudden need to be closer to this human, I lean down. As I do, a burning sensation in the back of my throat makes me snap back to reality.
Pulling my hand back and leaning backwards, I fight myself as the burning increased. The los at no longer feeling his smooth skin under my fingertips struggled with the monster hidden deep inside of me. Taking advantage of this new feeling. Tempting me. Begging, wouldn't a small drop just be sufficient? Enough for the fire to be extinguished?
There is no one here to stop me. Lowering my body slowly in a crouch over the human, I struggle even more with the thirst. Battling inside of me with the pleasure I had felt before and memory of what taking a human life would do to our family.
Stopping, I do all I can think of that would save myself from falling prey to my basic instincts. I turn and run.
I run without control, crashing through the forest this time. Blinded by fear as I push forward. No longer thinking about running but mindlessly push forward. Crashing through the smaller shrubs. Ripping them aside with a fury that has not possessed me in a while. Hitting away branches with my hands as they hit my body. It feels like I have been running for hours but once I slow down and open my eyes to see where I wam, my body trembled and my feet stumble. For the first time ever finding it difficult to find solid ground.
Without knowing I have gone back to the still figure lying on the riverbank. I had run a circle and come back to the place I have started. But this time he is no longer alone. When I return someone else is standing over him. A possessive growl erupts from my chest. The figure turns to face me and I can see the disappointed and hurt look on her face.
"Bella."
The pained greeting of my name is shouted out at me in warning. It makes me come to a full stop. Wishing I could undo my actions and forget the damage I had wanted to do by letting my instincts take control of me. I watch as she picks up the man and runs away from me. I know instantly why. She had seen what crime I had planned to commit. Once again my little pixie sister has saved me, helping me keep my sanity by preventing me to commit a crime I did not want.
Turning on my heels, I ran away from her as fast as possible. My body was still rushed with all the things I allowed myself to feel. This time it only took me a few minutes to pick up the heartbeat, the scent welcoming me from far.
Pushing my legs to run faster I rushed through the forest. Getting higher and higher up in the tree's, jumping from one branch to another. Finally I had my sight set on my prey. It was a mountain lion. Perched on a branch it was watching a small deer, unworthy of my attention. The mountain lion however made my mouth pool with venom.
Silently I climbed up above him, angling myself perfectly before I let myself drop down from the top of the tree. Gripping it as I landed and twisting it's neck in one swift and silent move. It didn't even notice what happened to him. Jumping back to where I had been before, out of sight. I pulled the animal closer to me and sitting on the branch I brought it's neck to my mouth. Sinking my teeth deep down, I imagined it was the man. Purring as the warm liquid pooled into my mouth.
Immediately my body recoiled, alarming me to the fact that this wasn't the mouth watering human blood my body ached for but it was a welcome distraction. As I drank, below me the deer was still completely unaware of it's fragile position.
Grazing slowly in the shadow of the tree. It is like the human, the man who unwillingly tempted me so badly. He has no knowledge that his life could have ended, twice today. First time at the hand of nature, drowned by a wild cascading river. Second time at the hands of a monster. He would have been drained in minutes to fulfil a need, a longing that burned so bright but could never really be satisfied. Thinking about that last knowledge, I find some comfort in today's events. Calming down enough to finally find gratitude for my sisters interference.
Yes, Alice has done the right thing. Because, drinking his blood would not have brought me peace. But knowing I left him alive fills me with a spark that hasn't been there for years. Carefully dropping the forest floor, I stand up tall and walk home at a human pace. The corner of mouth pulling up into something that hasn't come naturally for years, a smile.