Disclaimer:
Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight
EPOV
Gripping the steering wheel tight, I slam the brakes of the car.
Hoping, wishing, praying.. no wait begging for the car to stop in time as I suddenly see the person crouched on the asphalt in front of me.
Moving so fast, I hardly notice. The figure doomed to get run over stands up and turns around. It is only then I can see the dark brown hair peeking out from under the hood of the sweatshirt, framing dark chocolate eyes with a hint of gold around the edges.
My eyes lock on hers and suddenly the car seems to stop moving as all around me the parking lot seems to disappear. All my mind and body can register is the girl in front of me. Her eyes seem to hold some kind of magic as just the sight of her cause my body to respond in a way that hasn't happened for a while now. Clenching my teeth, I release my grip on the steering wheel and reach down to unbuckle my seat belt. My hands tremble and with a frustrated huff I glance down to see what I'm doing. It's just a fraction of a second. But when I look up again there is no one there. Just as swift as she has appeared, she seems to have disappeared in that blink of an eye.
The click of my seat belt coming undone makes me jump and lift my foot from the clutch, causing the car to stall. Swearing for driving like an amateur I get out of the car, angry at what happened and at the same time trying to catch another glimpse of the girl.
The girl. There is nothing else I can call her. Looking over my shoulder at the administration office I just left, I think about going back and asking about her.
A loud excited roar followed by the sound of two sets of feet running over to me, make me forget about that idea. Instead I turn around to see Mike and Tyler run towards me.
"Eddie my man. So the rumors are true, the king of heartbreak has returned." Punching me in the shoulder, Tyler shouts so loud I'm sure he hasn't caused some damage to my ears. Mike just nods at me and raises his hand.
Awkwardly I high five him. A few years ago, we spend some time together through mutual friends. I had been in the same class as Tyler's older brother. With not much to do, the younger guys were invited to hang out together. That was how we were introduced.
Then when all of my classmates moved away after graduation I was left behind. And spend some wild weeks partying with Mike and Tyler that summer. Partying at the beach, drinking the leftover alcohol that was provided by Tyler's older brother. Now as they stood in front of me, 17 years old and psyched to see me. I knew, I'd have to let them down. I might have some unfinished business here but in no way, I could relate to them. Suddenly being 19 makes me feel old.
Just as I am going to get back in my car. Another excited voice calls out my name. Freezing, my hand touching the door drops down and my eyes shut, I consider for a moment to just jump in and drive away. But that won't work, after the weekend she'll be in my classes.
Both Mike and Tyler step aside making room and on cue, I feel a pair of arms slide around my waist and breasts being rubbed against my back. After being excited by the mysterious but very strange girl just minutes ago. This girl seems to hold no interest to me. Clearly something is wrong with me. Turning around, I feel how she doesn't let go and instead uses my movement to rub herself against me again.
"Hi Tanya."
Looking down at the blond girl that is wrapped around my body. Her perfect blond hair pulled back in a ponytail and smoothed down by a pink headband, matching her tight t-shirt and barely there shorts. A year ago, I would have wrapped my arms around her, reaching down to grab her delectable behind or brushing past her breasts. Now, for some reason I can only think about the girl and what was hidden under the bulky sweatshirt and jeans.
"Could you let go of me." Trying to sound casual, I can see the grey in her eyes lose their sparkle. My eyes widen as for a second I feel a hand brush along the front of my body, touching me in a place she has no business. Not anymore.
"I thought you'd be happy to see me."
Pouting at me, she let's go and takes a step back. Placing her hands on her hips and pushing her breasts forward, as if they aren't obvious enough in their current squashed together state. It's a wonder she can breathe, let alone run in that ridiculous tight top.
"I am happy to see you." Faking a smile, I wink at her. For a moment she smiles then her eyes lower, resting on my crotch. "It doesn't look like you're happy."
No, I want to scream. You ruined me being happy down there.
For a moment, there is an awkward silence. Then another girl approaches us and for a second her long dark brown hair makes me stare at her, until she is closer to us and I recognize the girl. It's Jessica. Like Tanya she is wearing some ridiculous outfit in pink, headband to running shoes.
And like Tanya she seems a little bit too enthusiastic to see me. Rushing to my side and placing hand on my chest as she leans in to kiss me on the cheek. "Hi Eddie." Batting her eyelashes at me, I'm sure she thinks it's really sexy. But to be honest I find it slightly offensive and equal parts amazing as one fake eyelash is slightly crooked.
Taking another step back, I'm now with my back against Jaspers car. The door is still open, offering easy get away but my brother just texted me saying he'll meet me outside at the car. So I can't leave. Silence stretches out between the girls and the guys. Tyler glares at me and then stares dreamily at Tanya. Clearly the warm way both girls greeted, upsetting him.
"Hey guys, earlier in the parking lot, I noticed a girl." Leaving out the part about how she appeared in front of my car and disappeared just as quickly. "She seemed to be coming out of your direction, making me think she is part of your gym class. But she was wearing dark jeans and a sweatshirt instead of track clothes. "
Do you know her? I want to ask the guys, but I don't know how to say the words out loud without sounding desperate. Luckily Jessica still possesses the grand talent of being the Forks High local gossip talent.
"You mean weird eyes, mousy brown hair and freakishly pale?" Her words sound kind of hateful and the words weird or mousy doesn't seem to be right, but pale... yes definitely. Just the memory of her ivory skin makes a shiver run through my body. Nodding I angle my body to Jessica. Staring down at her, hoping she will tell me more. At this point anything is new information, information I crave.
Both Tyler and Tanya snort at the same time. Jessica just rolls her eyes and make remains silent.
"That's the freaky Cullen girl." Tanya decides to share, or interrupts me and Jessica. Her words seem to slice through my skin, leaving me with a stinging feeling in my face. Almost like the words were slapped across my face.
At loss for words I just try to keep a neutral face and the others just watch me.
"You should just ask your brother about her." Jessica laughs. Stepping closer to Tanya so they can share some inside joke. Neither of the boys say anything, leaving me confused and not with any more information.
Just when the situation starts to freak me out, the door on the other side of my car opens. Spinning around, I can see my brothers leaning with both arms on the car. "Did you want to.. ehm hang with your friends."
His face is neutral but the wary look in his eyes tell me he is concerned. Luckily he can see my face, obviously telling him enough because the tense muscle in his jaw relaxes. Getting in, Jasper doesn't close the door, waiting for me to answer. Thankfully understanding, I'm more than ready to leave.
Behind me my friends, or at least the closest thing to friends I had in the one year I spend here with my mom and Jasper, they continue to stare at me in silence. "Hey guys, I'll see you at school next week."
Tyler's eyes light up and Mike smiles, both are happy I'm leaving the girls with them. Tanya and Jessica in return just frown. As I get in and pull my door close, Jasper does the same.
"Don't tell me, that simply enrolling into a few classes at this school made for a rough first day?"
My brother gently asks, trying to keep the conversation light for me. Exactly like he has the past week, ever since he called my doctor and they talked for an hour on the phone.
I know his careful approach towards me is deserved, but still it makes me grip the steering wheel tighter and push my foot down ever so slightly, accelerating just enough to feel some form of release inside of me.
"No it was fine. They gave me a schedule that fits in the classes I need to finish, leaving me with a 4 day school week." Biting on the inside of my cheek, I wait for a moment before throwing out the question that I have been wanting to ask ever since we both closed the door of the car. "Do you know the Cullen girl?"
Next to me I can hear Jasper's breathing hitch, and in the corner of my eye I can see my brother's face flush. Making me turn my head to his for a very brief moment, just to double check. He stares back at me, surprise written al over his face.
"You do know her?" Slowing down, I pull into our little driveway. Parking the car and removing the keys from the ignition. "Jasper, please I need to know."
Shifting uncomfortable in my seat, I start to think the silence between me and my friends wasn't so bad.
"Yes." His voice is low and I can see he still hasn't moved. "I know her."
The last word comes out low and desperate. Barely hiding a longing I can very much relate to since I can feel the same flame burn inside of me. And that is when the conversation earlier this week comes back to me. Over dinner we talked through the steps needed for me to enroll back into high school and what it would be like.
" You'll have friends there to support you." Forking away at his dinner, Jasper sits across me and occasionally tries to find something that will make me look forward to coming back.
"They are all younger." Reaching for my glass, I study my brother. He just shrugs. "That didn't stop you before, you dated that Tanya girl, she's 17 now." It feels weird to hear my brother, who like no other is aware of the age difference between the students and himself try and convince me that I will fit in.
"Yes I remember that." Replying dryly I take a sip and try to hide the fact that the memory of our last date still haunts me, in a good way. "Have you met anyone at school.?" Joking I place my glass back on the table and lean back in my chair. Expecting Jasper to laugh and joke, instead he stops moving and looks away.
"What." Getting up, I throw my hands in the air. "You are interested in one of your students?" Tugging on my own hair as I try to think of how this extra juicy detail hasn't yet reached the small town gossip.
My brother stays completely silent, a statue in front of me as his hand hovers mid air with a fork clutched so tight in it, if it would not be metal it would crumble.
Sitting down, I just watch him. Slowly opening his mouth and take a deep breath.
"She might be a student, I don't know yet. But I did see her in the school parking lot with another student and she is the most fiery, exciting woman I have ever seen in my life."
The words are spoken with such conviction and love. I can't help but admire my brother. Relaxing a little bit, I pick up my glass and take another long drink from it. "So you haven't actually, you now had her in your class." My choice of words makes Jasper sputter and finally snap back to life.
"No, I haven't. But as soon as I have. You'll be the first to know. In the mean time, you just worry keeping out of Tanya's claws and getting those credits you need." At that he get's up, winks and then leaves the kitchen.
The Cullen girl is the girl I almost ran over today with my brothers car. And she also is the girl my brother was talking about. Meaning, she can't be my girl. My brother saw her first... and has fallen head over heels for her.
Feeling a nauseating pain emerge, igniting an anger I haven't felt for a while I push the car door open and get out. Falling over my own feet in the progress as I hurry. Reaching for my phone, behind me Jasper is calling after me but I ignore him. Instead I run through my old contacts list. There I find the number. Hitting the green little button, I wait. In two rings the other end is picked up. Breathing deep with relief I hear her slightly annoying voice answer and go silent for a moment, forgetting to answer. "Hello is anyone there?"
Finding the words I answer, pulling together all my charm and placing it in my voice. "Hello this is Edward." I leave a pause and on cue the person on the other end of the line laughs in a way that I would have previously found sexy. Biting back the rude remark I want to make, I turn on the charm instead. "Earlier, you caught me by surprise and my brother was there. But I was wondering if you would like to go out with me tonight?"
The immediate bubbly response does nothing to calm me down. However the excited squeal combined with the annoying high pitch of her voice as she starts to talk about time, place and what to wear manages to bore to death at the same time. I find it mind numbing and know it is exactly what I need.
"I'll pick you up for dinner and a drive. We can catch up and maybe have some fun." Just like the old days, a voice in the back of my mind reminds me.
"Can you be ready in an hour?"
There is more excited talking, then finally a yes. Relieved to know, I've created my diversion I softly laugh, knowing the effect it has on her. "That sounds like a great idea. I will see you later at your house. Bye, Jessica."
Hanging up I take a deep breath. I can do this... I have to do this… I will do this!
If my brother likes a girl, I won't take that away from him. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and I've just caught another one. Walking back to the house, I know I should be happy and excited to go out on a date with one of the prettiest girls in the school.
So why did I feel like crying instead.
A few hours later I'm home again. And this time I really do feel like crying.
Jasper isn't talking to me. My foot hurts from walking on it too much, reminding me I need to take things slow. And my date with Jessica was a disaster. There is simply no other way to describe.
It all started when I had shown up at her door an hour after our phone call. Ready to pick her up, willing to erase the memory of a certain set of golden brown eyes from my mind. When the door opened, my eyes set sight of something that almost made me jump back.
Jessica had obviously skipped the let's have dinners plans and had opted to dress for a night of.. well I wasn't entirely sure what she had dressed for. There just wasn't a lot of her dressed. Only after me suggesting perhaps she should maybe bring something to keep herself warm, had she grabbed a thin almost see through scarf that I honestly had no clue about what it could cover.
For dinner she insisted on going to the local diner. Fine by me since it made me think that would make it less intimate, creating a mood that was to be expected when two friends went out for a fun evening. That was my second mistake.
At the diner, it seemed most of Forks was either eating there or stopped by to pick up dinner. And the entire dinner, Jessica sat next to me. Her hip attached to mine. Making annoying giggly sounds at everything I said, touching me whenever one of her.. no wait our classmates would look over at our table.
By the time I had finished my burger, I was more than ready to leave and go home. Jessica followed me to the car, getting in next to me. As she did, she angled her body toward me and stared into my eyes with something that resembled a crazy look in her eyes as she licked her lips and leaned closer.
" I've been waiting all evening for desert."
There was nowhere to go, or place to move my body away from her. So her lips landed on mine with a sigh. As soon as they did, one of her hands moved up to my hair and laced her fingers through my hair. Hurting me as she tugged slightly too tight on my hair and held my face in place as she continued to kiss me.
It wasn't until her other hand slide down my body and came to rest on my crotch, I tried to push her away.
"I can't do this." Pushing Jessica back into her seat, I screamed as she almost pulled out my hair as she tried to hold on to me. Finally letting go after I continued pushing her away from me. She leaned against the door and the doorhandle, causing it to open. For a moment her eyes showed panic then fury as she tipped backwards and out of the car. Screaming a long list of profanity's as she does.
Stunned I watch her fall, unable to move and not sure if I want to laugh at her or help her. So instead I just sat in my seat, watching her hit the ground, legs up in the air and arms flying around. To be honest, this was not the way I usually would act but the whole scene was just too ridiculous and pretty soon I couldn't control my laughing. As Jessica managed to get on her feet, still shouting at me, I felt my door open. Spinning round in my seat, I could see two big guys staring down at me.
"Some date you're having, throwing your girl out of the car." One of them spat at me. The other leaned down and pulled me out of my seat by my shirt.
"How about we throw you around a little bit." Shoving me to the other man, I managed to catch my balance just before falling against him. Straightening up I raised my chin, ready to fight both of them. They weren't that much bigger, just older and that would probably be to my advantage. Stepping back I stared back at the guy doing all the talking.
"I'd rather you leave us alone on our date."
Moving round the car towards Jessica, her eyes showed me she didn't like what happened between us. But there was a slight hint of fear in her usually dull brown eyes. Just as I reached her, a blow to the back of my head made me stumble. Falling forward, Jessica caught me. As she did, she quickly got on her toes. Kissing me on the cheek. "Don't get into trouble Eddie." Whispering into my ear in a way she probably thought was seductive.
Shaking my head I turned around. Ready to surrender but the larger guy, standing closest to me threw a punch. A very sloppy one and his body language was so obvious, he gave me plenty of time to respond. My body acted without thinking, routine kicking in.
Blocking his fist with one arm, I took a swing at him with my elbow. Putting my entire body behind the movement. The moment I connected with his jaw, the crushing sound gave me a chill. Reaching for his jaw the guy sank to the ground. Behind me Jessica was screaming, again.
"Watch out." Pushing me aside just in time, for once I was grateful for her getting close to me. The piece of wood that swung past our bodies barely missed.
Where these guys crazy? Spinning round, I made sure Jessica was behind my back. It was then I could see the crowd, girls and boys from our school, the other customers who had been in the diner having dinner with as, the staff and owner. But one person stood out most. Tall and easy to recognize with his blond hair and serious grey eyes. His entire face pulled tight together in a disappointed frown.
My attacker stopped moving, noticing the crowd just like me.
Jessica let go of my arm as I started moving forward at the same time as Jasper started walking away.
"Wait Jasper." Running after him. I could feel the ache in my foot. Right now I didn't care. Catching up with him, I grabbed his arm and stopped him.
"That wasn't what it looked like."
His grey eyes showed me no kindness, they were unrecognizable.
"Then what was it, because to me it looked exactly like something you always do. You got into a fight with two guys. And as an added bonus, you had a barely dressed underage girl on your arm. I can't talk to you right now."
Pushing me aside Jasper starts to walk back, his long legs taking firm strides and leaving me behind.
"Wait." Trying to catch up with him, I feel how the ache in my foot turns into a sharp pain. Limping I watch him reach the car without me and get in. The car I left the keys in, the car I came here with. Shit. Limping faster I watch him start the car and drive off.
Most of the people have gone back to minding their own business.
Jessica is on the phone, her tears now dry as she is talking with her usual excitement.
Just before Jasper passes me, he slows down a little bit and hope sparks inside of me. My brother won't leave me behind, he promised me we would be brothers forever. Raising my hand, I'm ready to wave. Smiling as I try and find his eyes. But the moment I see his eyes the smile slips of my face, there are tears there. My arm falls down, hanging limp aside my body as the car passes. Turning to watch the car pass me, I can see he looks at me through his rearview mirror.
And I know that look, it's the exact look I have feared being confronted with for the past few weeks.
Feeling tears sting at my own eyes, I know going back is not an option.
Instead I find my feet moving forward, step after step following my brother home.
Each step reminds me of my mistakes as it feels like thousands of little needles are hidden in my shoes. They can't stop me, I have nowhere to go but home.
After what feels like the longest 2 miles I have ever walked I reach the driveway of Jasper's home. I can't allow myself to think about it as my home, it never was. I was merely here on borrowed time, until the doctor would tell him the words that were thrown at me by our father.
Opening the front door, relieves floods through me. At least it's not locked.
All the lights are off giving the house a cold and empty atmosphere. Uninviting me and for a moment I consider about leaving but there is nowhere I can go.
There is just some light coming from the door to the basement and I can hear music coming from there also.
Very slowly I find my way down.
The first thing I see is a large room turned into a gym. In the middle is a punching bag and my brother is throwing punch after punch at the thing, causing it to dangerously swing.
Walking over I grab the punching bag and hold it still for him, he just continues throwing punch after punch. Until finally I notice his arms starting to move slower and without less of a blow to them. The tears in his eyes have been replaced with sweat as he leans his head against the punching bag. Only one small thing dividing us as both of us catch our breath.
"You know the nurse grilled me about taking you home, the doctor expressed concern about me being able to look after you. And our father? Punching again angrily until he wraps his arms around the punching bag and leans his forehead against it in defeat.
"Our father, just laughed and said that if I took you in, neither of us should bother visiting him anymore." His body still heaving, Jasper struggles to keep standing after throwing the words out.
" But that ride home when you were asleep in my car. You looked so lost and fragile. And I hoped for the first time in many years, you were finally willing to make a fresh start and leave everything that happened to our family behind you. I wanted to fight for you Edward."
My chest tightens at his words, making it impossible to breath. Letting go of the punching bag I stumble backwards. Jasper looks at me, reaching round and grabbing my hand to help me stay on my feet. "Please tell me, you want to fight for yourself Edward because I can't do it for you. Not if you go around acting like you did tonight." His pleading eyes combined with the tight grip on my arm calm me down.
He doesn't know. I'm still his brother. Nodding, I step closer and let him pull me into a hug. "I can't do it alone." Repeating his words, I hug him back for a moment. The tension in his body gone. Letting go I step away from him.
"Just tell me what I can do to make you trust me."
I watch Jasper as he picks up his shirt, shrugging back into it with a smirk on his face. Walking up the stairs he takes two steps, then pauses and looks over his shoulder
" That's easy. Follow the rules, finish school, stay out of trouble. But most of all, be my brother." His eyes are desperate as he stares at me.
We are at risk of falling apart right now and the only way I know how to fix that is to say yes. So I do. Pulling a smile together I say "Yes"
"That's great Edward and all I'm asking from you. I'll see you tomorrow, turn of the lights when you're done." Stepping back he nods then turns around and goes up the stairs, I hear the door close at the top. Letting me know, he's put tonight's events behind him and I'm left downstairs, in the basement. Wishing I could feel the same, but I can't. Because, how can I live up to his expectations to be myself... if I don't know who I am?
Sitting down on one of the benches I grab a weight and lift it. Going through the options as I pressure myself to find my limit physically. I'm left with only one solution that keeps coming back to me. Before I can take responsibility for my life and move forward, I secretly need to dig through my past first.
To try and find the truth about me, hopefully finding out.
Who I am.
A/N Everyone still on board? Let me know what you think :-)