Hi Guys! hope you like this chapter! Its kind of short but its just to move the plot along so we can get to the good parts. Don't go anywhere because some craziness is about to go down. RandR and I do not own anything!

Chapter 3: Backtrack.

It's been two days since I did the serum. Two days and I feel like I just lost her all over again. I haven't been able to move and my body feels numb. I have called in sick for work the last two days and I missed Johanna's swearing in as mayor. I felt bad but if I could barely remember to drink some water than I don't think I would have been much help. I don't know why I am like this. I have spent the last three years trying to get and be better but now it's just not working. Nothing seems to be working. I keep picturing her in my head and I can't stop. I haven't slept because I know I will see her and she will interact with me.

There is a loud knock on the door and I don't answer it or pay attention to it until I hear Christiana's loud voice

" Tobias! Open this door right now!"

I groan and slowly get up and go to get the door. As soon as open it, Christiana charges in and says," what the hell has been going on with you Tobias?! I have been calling you hell everyone has been calling you trying to see if you were alright! Johanna said you missed work the last two days and you look like shit. Have you even slept?

I roll my eyes and sit on the couch as I say," nice to see you too."

Christiana sighs angrily and says," Tobias what has been going on. Tell me or I will make Zeke zipline you of the highest building."

She stares at me with anger and I sigh and say," I...I have been having these dreams where Tris is talking to me and two days ago I saw Matthew. He told me that there was a new serum that could connect me with tris. And he was right. It worked. I saw Tris and then time was up and she was ripped away from me once again. And then I don't know Christiana. I feel like I am back at square one and I don't know what to do to get back to being ok."

She sits next to me and take my hand in hers. She looks at me and says," I know. Matthew told me what happened. I just wanted to hear your side of it. Tobias I know you feel like you lost her again but you didn't. She has been dead for three years and that serum wasn't her. It was part of her memory and I know, trust me, you would do anything to see her again but I don't think that this serum is helpful for you. I mean look at you. I tried it too but I accepted that I would never see Will or Uriah or Tris until it was my time. Now I know those dreams you have been having feel like they are real but they aren't. But you can still hold on to them to help you on tough days like today. But you have grown so much since three year ago and you are one of the strongest people I know Tobias. You can't let this get to you. She wouldn't want that."

I am holding my head low and trying not to cry. She is right, tris would hate that I let that serum get to me like it has. I nod and feel Christiana rubbing my back as some tears come. And suddenly I can't hold them any longer. Everything comes back and I am back that the morgue seeing Tris dead. I hold my head in my hands and sob.

Eventually I stop and sniffle as Christiana says," We are all allowed to have a bad day and cry. That's how we know that whoever we are grieving for meant something to us. But we still need to keep moving."

" T-thanks. Your right. I am ok now."

She smiles as I look at her with my blurry eyes and she says," Good because you smell awful. Seriously man you have bags under your eyes and a beard growing in and-"

" Alright Christiana I get it."

She laughs and I sit back on the couch. She suddenly looks nervous and I ask," Everything ok?"

She looks back at me and says," So I assume Matthew told you we are dating right?"

I nod and say," Yay he told me. I wished I had know sooner but I understand if you didn't want to tell me. You're building a house too?"

" Yah. But it's not just for the two of us um...I'm pregnant."

The words hit me and I struggle to find that correct response. I am happy for her but she doesn't seem too happy.

" Christiana that's great. Congrats. But why are you so upset."

She looks and says," oh no no no I am thrilled. I just I wanted to ask you something and I totally understand if it's not alright with you. "

" what?"

She takes a deep breath and asks," Well I am about 4 months along Tobias. I know I don't look like I am but this shirt is huge on me and I am not really showing as it is. And Matthew and I went to the doctors and found out it was a girl. And I wanted you're permission. I wanted to name my child after Tris. She was my best friend and I would love to have my daughter grow up to be as brave, kind and beautiful as she was."

I am quiet for a little while but eventually I answer back quietly " I think that would be a great name. And it would be a tribute to Tris. She would have loved it. I know she would have. Congrats Christiana."

She has tears in her eyes and says," Thanks so much Tobias. It means a lot to me."

We sit and talk about the baby and other things and before we know it it's already 8 at night. Christiana says goodbye and makes me promise to call her when I am having another bad day. I assure her I will but I know I won't. I don't like to be comforted too much on my bad days and I prefer to be on my own anyway.

I clean up and shower. I shave my shaggy face and remember the time in Amity when Tris hugged me while I was shaving. It's the little things that crept into my mind about her but I now know I need to appreciate them. Eventually I got to my bed and fall quickly to sleep. And I dream of her. But it isn't the dreams I have been having lately. This one is full of memories and wishes. I dream about what our live could have been and what I wish with ever fiber in my body it was. It almost seems as though Tris is cheering me up with the memories of her. And it works for a bit before I wake and start my day. I hope for a better day then the past two days and discover that even though I can't be with Tris I know she is still with me. She has never left me and I will never be alone.