TRIS POV

I push open the door to my apartment and step inside. I leave my shoes in the entryway before shuffling to the living room. Nerves and confusion and expectations all swirl around in my head, making a mess of my thoughts. I try to swallow any reluctance before stepping in. As expected, my dad is sitting in his favorite chair, waiting for me. I take a deep breath and wipe my hands on my thighs. 'You can do this, Tris,' I think to myself. 'You're better than this.' I look up and connect my eyes with his.

"Tris," He says calmly.

"Dad," I reply. We stare at each other for a little before he motions for me to sit down. I take a seat across from him.

"Listen-" he starts before I interrupt him.

"No, you listen. I found the letters Mom sent me. You told me that she didn't care, that she stopped writing." I say.

"I know what I said. It was for your benefit," he says calmly.

"Bull shit. It wasn't for my benefit at all. It wrecked me! I thought she didn't even want me," I say, loudly.

"It was for the best. She was just going to hurt you. I needed to keep you safe." He says, agitation creeping into his voice.

"The only thing that hurt me was thinking she didn't care!" I say. My dad shakes his head and sighs.

"You can't see it now, but this was for the better. You'll thank me later," he says.

"NO I WON'T! I'll never thank you for taking my mother from me," I exclaim.

"Please calm down, Beatrice. There is no need to yell," he says in a condescending tone.

"Stop talking to me like I'm a child," I say.

"I'm talking to you like your a child because you are still a child. There are just some things you won't understand until you grow up a little more," he says in the same tone.

"I'm old enough to realize that you stole my mother away from me with no real reason," I snap at him.

"I had a real reason," he says.

"No, not that bull shit protecting crap. That's a lie and we both know it." I snarl

"It's not a-" he starts.

"SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP AND TELL ME THE TRUTH. STOP BEING A JACK ASS AND TELL ME WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON." I yell well hopping out of my seat.

"Don't talk to me like that. Sit down and listen to me," he says in a stern voice.

"TELL ME THE TRUTH! WHY DID YOU RUIN MY LIFE?" I say while remaining standing.

"I didn't ruin your life!" he exclaims while standing so he hovers over me. "She was going to wreck you. She'd lead you on, pretend like she cared, then leave when she got bored. I saved you."

"Pretending to care? She spent the past 16 years writing to me without ever getting a response back. That's not what I call pretending to care," I say with a scoff. I cross my arms over my chest and scowl at him.

"You never even knew her! What would you know?" Dad yells.

"Is this some sad attempt to have me all to yourself? Is that it?" I say as my eyebrows scrunch to the middle of my face.

"No! Thats not it-"

"Then what is it! Just tell me!" I snap.

"I was jealous, okay! Is that what you want to hear? That I was jealous of my own daughter. She hasn't sent me a letter in 12 years! She has a new family, a new life that I'm not a part of. I didn't want you to be a part of it without me," he yells while slamming a fist onto the arm of the chair.

"You were jealous? That's why you forced me to grow up without a mom?" I say, disgust evident in my voice. My dad slowly nods, as if he regrets what he just revealed. "Are you kidding me? That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard!" I yell.

My dad moves to touch my forearm but I quickly move out of his grasp. "Tris, please. Just sit down." he says. I shake my head and move a hand to cover my mouth.

"No, don't talk to me. Don't touch me. I can't even look at you right now," I say while shaking my head. I stumble backwards and the back of my knees hit the back of the coffee table, making me stumble a little. I quickly catch my balance and turn to rush in the direction of the door.

"Wait! Please, Tris. Just listen," Dad begs. I turn and look into his eyes. They are encompassed by guilt, sadness, and a little but of anger. I have half a mind to turn around and walk back over to him. To fold into his arms like I used to do when I was upset. I take a small step towards him before remembering the letters. Remembering how he sabotaged my childhood. The anger comes over me again and I rush towards my room.

I slam the door open and grab a bag thats sitting on the floor. I start haphazardly throwing things off the ground and into the bag. I go into the closet and grab the personalized set of throwing knives I got for my sixth birthday. I close them into their case and put them into my bag. I throw my mattress off the frame and grab the letters before pushing all my medications on my bedside table into my bag. I zip it up and throw it over my shoulder. I rush back into the living room to see my dad standing there, running his hands through his hair.

"Beatrice, I love you. Please, just listen to me," he says while reaching to grasp my shoulder. I evade his hands and quickly make my way towards the front door.I grab the nob and pull the door open.

"Stop! Stop this right now. I am your father and you will listen to me," he frantically yells at me. I turn and meet his eyes.

"You're not my father. My father isn't the spiteful, selfish man I see in front of me. He would never do something like this to me," I say scornfully. I see his eyes start to crack with each word I say. "I hate you." With those three words, it seems like his whole world shatters. All the light leaves his eyes and he slumps considerably. I stomp through the doorway and slam the door behind me.

Everything slowly becomes blurry as my brain tries to process everything that just happened. Eventually, I find myself wandering in some hallway I can't even identify. My legs are shaking slightly so I slump against the wall and fall to the ground. I lean my back against it and stretch my legs out in front of me.

I plop my bag next to me and open it. I pull out the letters that are sitting on top and place them on my lap. I grab the one on top and slowly run my fingers along the edges of the envelope as I stare at my name printed in my other's handwriting. A single tear escapes my eye and races down my face, onto the letter in front of me.

"Tris?" I hear a voice say from above me. I slowly look up to see Caleb standing there. His glasses hang loosely on his face and his shirt is slightly crumpled.

"What are you doing here?" he asks while easing himself on the ground next to me.

"Oh, you know. Just sitting here, wallowing in my own self pity," I say while waving my hand, nonchalantly.

"What are those?" he says pointing to the letters in my lap.

"Letters from my mother, or I guess our mother." I say while turning the letter in my hand over. A small smile crosses Caleb's face. I pull the letter out of the envelope and unfold it.

"I like this one," I say while a running my fingers along the words. It's one of her earlier letters from when she was in Dauntless. She talks abut this place called the Chasm and how much she wishes I could see it. Apparently its the most dangerously beautiful thing she's ever seen. "Have you ever seen the Chasm?" I ask Caleb.

"No, I've never been to the Dauntless compound. There was never a reason for me to go," he says with a shrug. I nod a lightly skim over the words in front of me.

"Do you ever kiss her?" I say quietly.

"All the time," he says with a nod. I close my eyes and lean my head back onto the wall.

"What was she like?" I ask.

"She was the most wonderful human being I have had the pleasure of knowing. She was selfless, kind, smart, honest, and brave. Everything you could want in a person," he says. "She didn't anything she could to make sure I was happy growing up. She even used to sneak me chocolate on my birthday. The chocolate wasn't eve that good but because she was taking a huge risk to give it to me, I pretended I loved it."

"She sounds perfect," I say with a smile on my face.

"She is. You look like her, you know. You could basically be her twin. Same hair, same nose, same stature. It's like I'm looking at a carbon copy of her," Caleb says while pushing his glasses further up on his nose. He pushes his light brown hair off his forehead and smiles at me. I return the smile as another tear falls down my face. Caleb catches it with his thumb before quickly removing his hand.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly. I shake my head and smile at him.

"It's okay. I didn't mind," I says softly.

"I thought touching was a trigger for you?" Caleb says while raising his eyebrows. I turn to him with wide eyes. "You do have bipolar disease, right? I recognized the symptoms from a book I read. I also noticed you didn't completely freak out until someone touched you." I shake my head as my smile falters slightly.

"No, you're right. I just was surprised. And I have to be in a certain state of mind for the touching to make me completely go off the deep end," I say.

"Are you going somewhere?" Caleb asks while eyeing the bag next to me.

"I don't know," I say with a shrug. "I just know I can't go back. Were you going somewhere?" I say while raising an eyebrow at him.

"I was just exchanging a book in the library," he says while holding up a book by his side. "I was about to head back to the dorms. Why don't you come with me? There's an extra bed. You can stay there until you figure out where your going."

I think for a second before reluctantly nodding. Caleb smiles and stands up, pulling me up with him. "Let's go!" he says brightly. I grimace a little before following him down the hallway, towards the dorms.

So, I'm not dead…I'm sorry for not posting in forever. I was planning on finishing Becoming Dauntless and them coming to work on this story but I have major writer's block for Becoming Dauntless. I have no idea what to write next. I'll try to get that update out as soon as possible. I hope this holds you guys off for a little while longer. Again, sorry for the massive break.

REVIEW GOAL: 70

Question of the chapter: What do you think I should write next for Becoming Dauntless?

Anyways, thanks for reading!

- Hockeycrazy7