Konoha Military Police Captain's Office

"You can't do this!"

"One more word and you're expelled from the force!" Fugaku Uchiha shouted to Inari Uchiha while the latter sat in a wheelchair with Itachi Uchiha sitting by the wall nearby, "You attacked an ANBU and attacked a child who is under the direct protection of the Sandaime and even tried to kill him."

"He tried to pry off my leg-"

"You also threatened and insulted the heir of the Hyuga Clan..." The Police Captain exhaled in exhasperation, "Look...I don't care if you like the brat or not...I don't like him myself. But you can't abuse your authority in direct defiance of the Sandaime's decree! Your rank and title are suspended for four months starting after you are released from the hospital-"

"But I won't be out for three months!"

"Failure to comply with this punishment will result in your expulsion from the Police Force! Afterwards you will be referred to the Shinobi Reclassification Office to discuss your discharge from the Shinobi Forces!" Itachi calmly watched Inari's head drop in acceptance at the mention of the Reclassification Office or the SRA for short.

Normally a shinobi only made an appointment with the SRA when they desired to willingly retire from a specific area of the Shinobi Forces. Whether for medical reasons such as disease or permanent injury or psychological trauma from the horrors of the shinobi life, a shinobi would request an appointment from the Hokage. If approved, the Hokage would find several individuals within the shinobi's field and interview them within a closed office. Once there, the shinobi would discuss their situation and their reasons for resigning their position or retiring from active duty. Once the discussion is finished, interviewers will read through the shinobi's mission profile and compare it to their testimony and medical records.

If the shinobi's reasons were judged as insufficient, the shinobi would be placed upon a series of mediation appointments before being sent back into the field. If it was judged that the shinobi was no longer able to perform in their role, then they would be allowed to retire from Active Duty or will be reassigned to a role that the Hokage judges that they are most needed.

However, it is tradition for a shinobi to willingly request an appointment. If the shinobi's superior officer refers them to the SRA then it means that the decision to drop them from the Shinobi Forces has already been decided. As a result, those referred are unanimously dropped from Armed Forces...a sign of disgrace to members of shinobi clans like the Uchiha.

"I understand Captain." Inari said before Yashino entered the office with a cast over his arm and wheeled Inari out when Fugaku nodded.

"Four of my officers on suspension...two of them in recovery for at least a month..." Fugaku glared in the direction of his son, "If your friend wasn't a member of the ANBU...then I'd have him arrested for this mess."

"Except that your department lacks that authority father. ANBU are under the direct command of the Hokage." Itachi pointed, "Furthermore, my friend was within his rights to protect a child who is under his custody."

"A child whose very existence is a threat to our village!" Fugaku snapped while Itachi stood in place, "If I go around arresting every shinobi and civilian who antagonizes Naruto then the village would be half empty along with our forces!"

"So you remain content to tolerate their defiance of the Yondaime's last wish and the Sandaime's orders?"

"The Sandaime's command asks too much of people! You weren't there Itachi..." Fugaku calmed down and stood up from his seat, "You were just a child when the Kyubi attacked the village...the devastation...the terror...the desperation...the graveyards that were filled...we lost more lives on that day than we did throughout the entire war! You can't blame the people for being human! They're angry and hurt...they need something to lash out at in a time of peace or that rage will turn inward upon the village..."

"That hardly excuses them..."

"They know...they just don't care..." Itachi and Fugaku were shocked by the appearance of Shisui Uchiha, "Forgive my intrusion...but Itachi's presence is required in the Hokage's Office."

"Understood...we'll finish this later Itachi." Fugaku told his son, "We'll also discuss Sasuke's attachment to the boy..."

"Very well..." Itachi said as he faded into several crows that flew out of an open window.

"Arrogant brat..." Fugaku muttered while turning his attention to Shisui, "So certain of himself...as if he were the hokage himself."

"Were you any different when you taught me, sensei?" Shisui asked with a slight smile, "Itachi is still young, he will understand when he comes of age...as I did."

"Itachi has grown up fast...I still remember that day when he was assigned to Hotaka's Team...and now he's an Chunin ANBU." Fugaku said while looking towards a single crow that remained perched outside of his office windows, "I feel like a parent from the Warring Clan's Era...sending his son to war when he's still a child out of some sense of honor. What's the use? It's peacetime after all."

"What of the plan?"

"Itachi is still loyal to the clan...when the time comes, I am certain that he will be at my side." Fugaku's sharingan activated while he contemplated the coming revenge of his clan...revenge for being ostracized and disrespected by this ungrateful village, "Have faith in him Shisui...Itachi is the future of the clan."

"And Sasuke?"

"I wish that I could say the same for him...but..." Fugaku truly loved his sons, but Sasuke's friendship with Naruto was always a point of contention within the family. Fugaku tolerated it due to Sasuke's youth and because of Itachi's warning...

"Hate Satoshi if you wish and despise Naruto because of the demon within him..." Fugaku recalled his son saying, "But if you attempt to drive Sasuke from his only true friend for selfish reasons...then you'd might as well drive Sasuke from our family and from the clan."

"I don't know if Sasuke will be as loyal when the time comes..."

Outside of Satoshi's Apartment

"So you knocked your arm against the wall?"

"Yes...it's not that bad though..." Satoshi assured Ayame while they chatted outside, "You should see this one guy though! Someone opened the door and slammed into his ribs...he was thrown right on his head!"

"Oh...is he alright?"

"Hope not..."

"What?"

"I mean! He's in the hospital, he'll live." Satoshi quickly clarified to mask his indifference to Inari's injuries in the earlier incident, "Sun's down...you'd better get going before the Nightman gets you."

"That's just a silly little story Satoshi."

"Or is it?" Satoshi dramatically asked while Ayame giggled, "Alright...Naruto will love this take-and-make Ramen...have a good night Ayame-chan."

"You too Satoshi-kun...tell Naruto that I said hi."

"Will do," Satoshi watched Ayame run down the road to her home and quickly placed two fingers onto the ground, "Okay...why am I so damned paranoid in my home village?"

"Naruto! Get out of my way!"

"I called this spot first!"

"To be fair...I am dealing with Naruto..." Satoshi chuckled as he entered his apartment and saw Naruto standing on the ceiling with his arms crossed over his head and a leaf floating on his forehead, "Get down from the ceiling..."

"I like it up here!" Naruto shouted down as Satoshi humorously sat as if waiting for something, "Right Sasuke?"

"Naruto...why are we up here again?"

"Because Naruto wants to be a show-off." Satoshi answered Sasuke who was standing right next to Naruto. While Naruto kept standing, the leaf floated to the floor where Satoshi caught it, "Aren't you supposed to balance this on your forehead while standing on the ground?"

"How did that get down here-" Naruto was cut off when he lost his footing and fell towards the ground. Satoshi boredly caught his young charge in by his foot and kept him from hitting the ground and shortly afterwards caught Sasuke in the same fashion.

"Gravity." Satoshi stated while setting the boys on their feet, "Start with the leaf and work your way to the ceiling."

"But I can do the ceiling!" Naruto said, "I wanted to try doing both."

"Yeah...that's not going to happen." Satoshi stated, "You're just kids, I'm amazed that either of you lasted longer than a minute on the ceiling."

"I watched nii-san do it once and practiced in my room." Sasuke explained, "But...we were only up there for 40 seconds-"

"No we weren't teme!"

"Yes we were dobe!"

"Boys." Satoshi stated, bringing the boy's attention to him, "I appreciate your enthusiasm and all...but I'd rather not have Itachi and the Hokage tear me in half because you got your heads busted open."

"Sorry Satoshi-san..." Sasuke apologized while Naruto wordless did the same, "I just want to be like nii-san...that's all..."

"And I wanted to be better than my nii-san..."

"Better than me huh?" Satoshi asked Naruto who daringly nodded with a wide smile, "Then come back when you master your first jutsu at the age of 6..."

"I had that down at age 5!"

"Naruto...what have I told you about lying?"

"I'll show you!" Naruto exclaimed and flashed through a series of handsigns that made Sasuke blush, "Oiroke no Jutsu!" A cloud of smoke appeared around Naruto as Satoshi stood in confusion and interest at what lied behind the dissipating cloud of smoke.

"Naruto?"

"Hi Satoshi-kun..." An adult, well-endowed and very nude Ayame seductively greeted the shocked Satoshi, "Want some ramen?"

"Naruto..." Sasuke muttered with a red face as Satoshi stood completely still with blood running out of his nose, "I think you killed him..."

"Then it works!" Ayame shouted in victory before she transformed back into a laughing and triumphant Naruto, "Sorry about using Ayame...but she was the only face that I could think of other than Sasuke's mom..."

"NARUTO!"

"At least...it...works..." Satoshi muttered in a daze while Sasuke and Naruto entered a petty argument. Satoshi was halfway stunned from the vivid image of a large-breasted Ayame and happy that Naruto's mood had improved from earlier in the day...

One Hour Ago Top of Satoshi's Apartment

"Though she wouldn't have seen it, your reception of Hinata's gratitude was rude." Satoshi lightly reprimanded the quiet boy sitting on the railing next to him, "I know it hurts-"

"You know where it hurts?" Naruto asked without looking up, "It'll be a miracle if they even get suspended. The only thing that'll help me sleep is knowing how much pain that they're in."

"Want details?"

"I don't need to be smart to know when something hurts." Satoshi shrugged while Naruto pointed out the shoulder that the older boy was holding, "How's your shoulder?"

"Still aches and my forearm is still very stiff. Remind to go to the doctor tomorrow." Satoshi said to his charge, "And to the seamstress, these are my favorite pair of pants."

"They're just pants." Satoshi didn't bother arguing, "If I become Hokage, will this stop? Will they stop trying to hurt me? Will they stop hating me and accept me?"

"Once you graduate from the academy, they'll stop trying to hurt you. Mainly because you'll have a license to kill." Satoshi replied to the assured child, "Will they ever stop hating you? Will they accept you? I honestly can't say Naruto."

"Maybe I should've let Itachi kill those guys." Naruto admitted, "Four less people to look out for."

"The fact remains that you didn't, so no use thinking otherwise."

"Why not? You don't know everything!" Naruto shouted, "Do you know how great it would be to walk through this village without a single person giving me a hateful look? That's alright though...they'll be sorry when I'm hokage! Then I'll be the greatest shinobi in the village and everyone will stop looking at me like a bug! They'll see me as someone important! As someone to be respected!"

"And that's your only reason for wanting to be hokage?" Naruto looked at Satoshi as if there was no other reason while Satoshi looked towards the Hokage Monument behind them, "It's not what you intended, but you sound like you want to be a daimyo rather than a hokage."

"Bullshit!" Satoshi swiftly slapped the child on his head, "Hey!"

"Language." Satoshi stated while pointing the boy towards the monument which the child had already painted at least once already, "Kid...do you have any idea about what it takes to be a shinobi? Cause if you don't, then don't even bother about wanting to be hokage. The title of hokage is a pinnacle example about what it means to be a shinobi!"

"I know that!"

"If you did, then you wouldn't sound like such a brat." Satoshi figured that his words were a little harsh, but he didn't want Naruto's pain to turn into hatred, "The reign of the first two hokages was the most chaotic period in Konoha's history. Infighting, scheming, political and economic backstabbing, property and heritage clashes, and of course, the First Ninja War. When Konoha entered that war, we couldn't have been any more wracked with disharmony and conflict. Despite these insurmountable and unimaginable hurdles, Shodai Hokage Senju Hashirama remained determined to lay the seeds for his vision of the Will of Fire. Under his leadership, the village grew up from a rag-tag group of warring clans into a nation of shinobi, all united by one desire. To protect their legacy and pass it's fruit onto the next generation."

"When Hashirama died, his brother Tobirama became the Nidame Hokage." Satoshi instinctively drew his gaze towards the stern carved image of the Nidame, "Faced with the same challenges, he organized our roughly cut nation into a disciplined fighting force. His reign was short, but it's legacy will live on. Out of all of the hokage, Tobirama was likely the least popular and may remain so in history's eyes. People respected him, but while many loved him, just as many despised him and the decisions that he made. He was willing to sacrifice anything for the sake of the village and for the survival of the Will of Fire."

"That included his own life." Naruto knowingly nodded, "Old Man Sarutobi has served as the Sandaime Hokage from his sensei's death all the way to barely a year before you were born and resumed upon the tragic death of the Yondaime Hokage. You may think that his reign was filled with peace and joy, but more often then not...war threatened our borders. Two Ninja Wars were fought during his reign, forcing him to send whole generations into the fire with few emerging alive on the other side. He has even seen his own wife buried alongside hundreds of young people whom should be burying him."

"The Yondaime Hokage, Namizake Minato..." Satoshi paused as he briefly recalled the smiling face that the stone image of the Yondaime was based on and smiled warmly, "Was the greatest shinobi that Konoha had ever produced. Not just because he was good at killing people or because he was a powerful shinobi, though those did come in handy. But because he was brave, loyal, determined and an unwavering comrade to everyone who he ever knew. He saw himself and his fellow shinobi as protectors of his people. He was so dedicated to protecting the people of this village-"

"That instead of doing the intelligent thing and killing the Kyubi! HE SEALED IT INSIDE OF ME AND GOT HIMSELF KILLED!" Naruto roared with renewed frustration, "If he was so determined to protect the village, then why didn't he seal it a rock or into himself?"

"Does it matter? He choose you." Satoshi told the deflated Naruto, "If you want to become Hokage, you have to make a choice. To accept the things that you can't control and focus on that which you can control. As Hokage, you will be responsible for the lives of every shinobi and every citizen in this village. You will be charged with the safety of everyone who lives in this village and there will be times where you will have to balance one set of lives against another set without anyway of saving both."

"Seems easy when both groups are short-sighted idiots."

"So I'm short-sighted? Sasuke's short-sighted? The Hokage is short-sighted?"

"You're not like everyone else..."

"And how do you know that everyone in the village is a short-sighted idiot?" Satoshi asked and waited for Naruto to answer. When the boy shook and tears flowed from his eyes, Satoshi pulled the child into a gentle embrace, "It's not fair, I know. But people are selfish and flawed...when they see something that they don't understand, they kill it if they can or shun it at every turn. You remind them of that night six years ago...many people lost friends and loved ones when the Kyuubi attacked. Unable to lash out at the thing that took their loved ones away, they held in their anger and...lash out at the next best thing."

"How is any of this suppose to cheer me up?"

"That's up to you." Satoshi stated, "But even if people are stupid, just remember that there are people who care about you Naruto. Never lose sight of that...there's nothing wrong being angry. But don't let that anger turn you into something worst than a demon."

"What's worse than a demon?"

"There are monsters in human form Naruto...cold heartless monsters who kill, torment and destroy just because they can." Satoshi briefly recalled intercepting a human smuggler and standing in complete shock...looking from the smuggler to a dead boy around Naruto's age, "I've seen too many people like that...and I don't want you to become one of them...become so angry that you lose sight of your own humanity..."

"I won't become a monster..." Naruto said to Satoshi while the two broke their embrace, "Maybe not everyone will like me...but at least I've got people like you, Iruka-sensei...the Old Man...Sasuke...Ayame and Teuchi...and Hinata's nice to me too...I just got angry...that's all..."

"I'd be angry too if someone kicked me into the curb." Satoshi assured the child, "Now let's make the house a little neater...that way Sasuke can say that our house is cleaner than his."

"Why would he care?"

"His dad will."

"I can think of something else..."

"No pranks."

"You're no fun!"

Present Time

"Satoshi-san?" Sasuke asked Satoshi who was still lying on his back, "You're not paralyzed are you?"

"Nope!" Satoshi said while sitting up and throwing a pillow at Naruto, "Great...so you've mastered the first of three essentials that a shinobi needs...surprise..."

"Does that mean that I get learn a cool jutsu!"

"It means that I won't break your arm for using that jutsu on me." Satoshi replied with a smile while Naruto paled, "Speaking of jutsu...let me find it first..."

"Find what?" Sasuke asked as Satoshi pulled out a small piece of paper from his pocket, "Paper?"

"Not just any paper..." Satoshi clarified as he motioned Naruto over, "You'll probably learn more about this in class, but you know about element types right?"

"Yeah..."

"Yes...nii-san said that there's five types outside of kekkei genkai..." Sasuke replied, "There's Fire...Water...Earth...Lightning...and Wind...and that everyone has one element that they can more naturally learn."

"That's true...do you know your's?"

"I took something called a chakra paper from nii-san's bag once..." Sasuke admitted with mild disappointment, "But it crumbled...instead of burning like it does for other Uchiha..."

"That would make you a lightning type then." Satoshi replied to Sasuke's growing disappointment, "Lightning type attacks can be pretty deadly for a shinobi and they're quick too."

"But nii-san is a fire type...that means that it'll be harder for me to be like him..."

"Not this again...just learn some fire jutsu to shut your dad up."

"Naruto..." Satoshi warned, trying not to pressure Sasuke's insecurities concerning his family, "Just because you're a lightning type that doesn't mean that you still can't learn fire techniques...it just means that learning and using them will take more effort. I'm also a fire type and I know a few wind jutsu too and one or two lightning and ground techniques. But anything other than fire will require more effort and more chakra."

"Then why not stick to what you're good at?"

"To stay unpredictable." Satoshi answered Naruto, "Here...you take hold of his paper okay?"

"Okay..." Naruto agreed and took the piece of paper in his hand, "Now what-" Naruto shouted in surprise when the paper suddenly cut into two equal pieces.

"Wind..." Satoshi said to himself as Naruto looked at the remaining paper in his hand, "Which means that you'll have an easier time with learning and using wind jutsu. So you say stick to what you're good at right? So when you're as good of a shinobi as I am-"

"How about better?"

"Fine...better..." Satoshi agreed to humor Naruto, "Let's say that you're a Wind Jutsu Master. You can just wave your hand and a tornado will sweep away your enemies! You breath...and a typhoon rises from the east and destroys entire cities filled with your enemies."

"That sounds awesome! That's totally me-"

"But..." Satoshi continued and pointed to Sasuke, "What if...you came across someone who...was a Lightning Master...you'd have an advantage because your key element is stronger than his."

"Great-"

"But...he also knows fire jutsu." Satoshi added while Sasuke knowingly smirked, "Wind beats Lightning, Lightning beats Earth, Earth beats Water, Water beats Fire and Fire beats Wind. If the lesser element is applied to the stronger...it will only make the stronger element's jutsu that much more powerful. Maybe the Lightning Master can only make small fire crackers...but with your typhoon...that becomes a tunnel of fire..."

"Your tornado...becomes his firestorm...your greatest strength becomes his greatest asset." Satoshi went on while Naruto listened, "The point is...the predictable enemy...is a dead enemy."

"Oh..." Naruto thoughtfully nodded while Satoshi was pleased that he seemed to understand, "So what if I used my Oiroke no Jutsu and transformed into his mother?"

"Naruto..." Sasuke muttered in embarrassed frustration as the three of them heard something continually pelt upon glass, "Anyone hear that?"

"Sounds like a bird trying to get something..." Naruto said as Satoshi exhaled while he went into the kitchen area, "Satoshi?"

"Damn it..." Satoshi breathed when he saw a crow peak on the kitchen window, "Hey boys...I just remembered that I've got something work out at the office."

"Alright, don't trip on your way out." Naruto joked while Satoshi chuckled. Fortunately, Satoshi had informed Naruto that he would be gone from time to time due to his status in the ANBU. He hadn't told Naruto that he was part of the ANBU for his own protection, but the boy likely had figured it out since Satoshi worked in Itachi's squad and Itachi's ANBU status was an open secret within the Uchiha Clan including Itachi's younger brother.

"I'll try." Satoshi replied, "I'll have Ayame come by to check on you in the morning if-"

"I can take care of myself! I've been alone before-"

"Isn't Sasuke right next to you?" Satoshi pointed out to his young ward, "It's probably just a typo anyway...I'm not going away-"

"Stop being mushy and go already." Naruto said with feigned exasperation, "Good night."

"Night Shatei." "Night Sasuke."

"Night Satoshi-san."

"This better be good..." Satoshi mouthed as he ran through a series of hand signs and prepared for a long night...

Authors Notes:

There are a few guests who have protested the mere existence of an OC in a Naruto story that should focus on Naruto bonding with Hinata and growing up in general.

I won't refute this.

While I believe that OCs and the stories that they're in should be judged on their own merit rather than the core concept, I'm not going to tell you guys that you're wrong. Yes Naruto does feature a large cast and anyone of them could've have been shaped into the "caretaker" role without the complicated blasphemy of making an OC.

That's not what I wanted to do.

I didn't want to fundamentally change Naruto, I just want to have him become more "effective." In canon, he's actually one of the better genin considering that he defeated a Chunin before he even graduated and said chunin had just gotten done kicking a jonin-class chunin across the forest floor (No I'm not exaggerating, Kishimoto confirmed in the databooks that Iruka has the equivalent skill of a low-level Jonin/Tokubetsu Jonin but chooses to remain as a teacher). Yet, he couldn't perform simple tricks like running on trees or the basic-level clone jutsu without a lot of effort.

Not because he couldn't, but because he was lacking the basic foundation steps in shinobi training. Seeing as that most of the village either disliked or outright hated Naruto at this point in time, it made sense to have an OC adopt Naruto and give him those basic foundation steps. I won't say that there aren't better ways of making this happen and there's probably a story out there that already has the concept written out. This is the one that I've chosen and for better or worst, I'm sticking with it.

I also took the Marty Su Test for Satoshi and I can tell you that he's not a Gary Su after two results: first test, 18; second test, 16. If you still want to call him one, at least come up with an evidence-backed rational reason for me to consider. For instance, instead of saying, "He's a know-it-all." How about pointing out how he's a know-it-all and then I'll acknowledge/respond afterwards.

I know that this comes off as a bit of a rant, but I'm annoyed about accusations of Gary Stu despite going through the effort of not making one.

Translations

Oiroke No Jutsu - Sexy Jutsu