Before Honey Lemon found her confidence she was insecure. In memory of Tadashi she'll become the person she swore to never be again. Hints of one sided One-Shot. I do not own the rights to any of the following characters. Trigger Warning: SELF HARM, DEPRESSION and SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. I'm sorry for any situation resulting in grammar errors and feels. Please leave a comment if you think I should continue.
Silence filled the hallway,as an old grandfather clock ticked away at my life. Slowly, with each tick of its hand, moving closer to striking eleven. It was a mere half hour away, as was my death. I'd waited for this day for so long and now that it was here I wasn't going to let this opportunity to pass me by. Fifteen years to this day I'd lived and I had long ago come to terms with my existence. Fifteen years was well and truly enough for me. I crept into my run-down apartment and placed my keys down next to a vase of red roses someone had left for me. Eleven was my deadline, I have half an hour to live.
I sighed and seated myself on a stool to write my suicide letter. I was going to leave everything I owned to Tadashi, my only friend. The one person in this world I'd miss aside from Mochi. Tadashi's affectionate cat. Tadashi knew me better than anybody else, I had learned to know and love him, like a brother. I sign the letter from Honey Lemon, it's the nickname he called me by.
I leave my door unlocked and my possessions on a pile on my bed. I shut the door to my apartment with a beaming smile on my face. For some reason I did not feel like I was headed to the end of the line. Something inside of me was happy to go, and that scared me a little.
The next thing I knew, it's eleven and I standing was top of a bridge, the golden gate bridge. The wind was strong, and vicious. Little did I know I was not alone, a dark figure stood at the edge of the bridge, expecting my arrival as I later found out.
As soon as I noticed the shadow cast on the edge of the bridge, he or she spoke. "Hey" The voice spoke nonchalantly.
My breath got wedged in my throat and my body numb. I knew that voice. He turned, although his expression unreadable in the moonlight, no shadows could hide a face like his. It was Tadashi; attempting to take his life on my birthday. "W-what are you doing here?" I screamed at him.
"What does it look like?" He says shrugging.
'How could he say that?' I thought. "You can't do this to me!" I screamed. "You can't leave me."
"Goodbye, Aiko Miyazaki."
"Tadashi Hamada, you come back here right now!"
"Whoah!" He yelled as he started falling from the ledge.
"Tadashi!" I screamed hurtling my self towards the edge of the bridge.
"Still here knucklehead." He said as he clung to the red metal for his dear life.
I saw him dangling over the side of the bridge. "Give me your hand." I said desperately.
"Maybe I want this." He told me looking down; death was only a slip away from claiming him.
"Give me your hand for crying out loud!" I shot angrily, hesitantly he hoisted himself up using my hand as an anchor.
"Thanks" He mumbled uncomfortably.
"Anytime" I reply gruffly. He gives me a sorry look but I ignored it instead shouting "What do you think you were doing? You could have died!" I felt like all my energy was drained from me, like this really was the end. Not because I wanted it, but because I couldn't continue like his anymore. I was so tired.
"I know, but you could have too." He replied matter-of-factually.
"Huh?" I said confused by his statement.
"You came here for one reason only" He said seriously "I know what you want"
'How could he know what I want?' I thought. "And what's that?" I'd asked him.
"To die. On your birthday, you didn't think I'd forget did you? This isn't like you. Let's just go home. Please Honey Lemon. Come home."
"You didn't come here to jump of this bridge did you?" I asked
"No" He said slowly. "I'm not giving up on you." He said with a sad smile.
"Oh Tadashi" I said sobbing into his shoulder. "I thought since you were spending so much time with that Gogo girl you wouldn't want me anymore" I said between sniffles.
"Hey now, of cause not. I understand how you'd think that but no one could ever replace you-ever." Form Tadashi, that was as good as a promise. He stroked my honey blond hair as I cried, letting me pour my emotions out, literally onto him. Once I'd finished with my waterworks he wiggled closer to me on the ledge, taking my hand in his.
"I love you, Aiko" He said squeezing my hand "Not in the way you want me to, but I love you"
"I know." I'd told him. "And I know you know, that I love you. Unconditionally."
"Don't push me away, okay? I'm here for you, no matter what" I let out a sigh. He sure was persistent. "You realize you're like a sister me, you know that don't you?" I looked down at deep oceans below, the waves crushing against the bridge with a strong current.
I sucked in my breath, in and out. "I don't want to live anymore." I said simply
"Is there anything you want to do before you, you know?"
"Look Tadashi, I've thought about this long and hard an-"
"You've told me before." He said glumly. "How did your Chemistry Exam go?" He asked changing the subject.
"How do you think? I failed it, just like I failed everything else. My life is miserable, just a series of failures and excuses. You're my only friend Tadashi, you're the only thing that's good about my life. You're the reason I wake up, you're my everything and I cant loose you." I said.
"And you're the only one who really knows me, Honey Lemon. I cant loose you. And You are most certainly not a failure! Honey, you're fluent in three languages. I'm struggling with one. A-And you're wicked at blowing stuff up, it's a talent! I'll tell you what, if you really want a job, Aunt Cass could really use a barista." He said eyeing me.
"Look, Tadashi. You already know what I came here to do, so why don't let me do it?"
"I'm not going to give you that whole 'there's so much to live for' speech if that's what you want. And I know that you've wanted this for so long. But I need you"
"No you don't." I said getting up, thinking again of jumping.
He pulled on my leg saying "Do you remember when we first met?" He looked me in the eyes, pulling me down. "Do you?"
"Of cause, I thought you were an angel." He laughed at this.
"I was coming back from the school." I let my imagination take over as the scene begins to play out before me as described. "And there on the bench, in the cold of the night was a girl. And when I stopped and sat next to her I realized she was crying. She told me that she was being bullied. And I asked her 'How can someone as perfect as you be bullied?' and then she told me that no one's perfect.
"Mmm" I had said. "I remember that night. In no time we were best friends. You took me to your Aunt Cass's shop after school and she let me eat anything I wanted. Then in science I blew up that beaker…" I said trailing off topic.
"Do you remember Hiro?" He asked. I nodded. "He misses you, Honey Lemon. Aiko, he really misses you. He keeps asking when you'll come back."
As the memory faded away I felt uncontrollable rage as well as terrifying sadness. Tadashi was gone. I grabbed a razor and smashed it on the tiles. It shattered into many pieces, the water washed pieces away before I could catch them. I picked the pieces up and set them outside of the shower. That's when I noticed the blades. I study it closely and pick it up. I know what to do.
My hand shakes as I slash the blade across my skin, as the blade divides my skin in two I let out a breath I never knew I was holding. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.
"This cut's for Tadashi." I say under my breath.
This isn't like you.
"And so is this one" I say pushing the metal further into my skin.
Stop it!
I wince as bile forms in the back of my mouth. The two cuts overlap into a T. I beam with pride at the masterpiece in progress. Soon, on my thigh spelt the best world, the only word I cared about. The name of the only person who really understood me. The person who left me, who left his Brother, who left his Aunt. Tadashi.
But deep down I know that he's disappointed in me. This isn't like me. This is the work of a monster. But I promise I wont let it out again, Tadashi. I promise.