And I thought life was hard enough the first time.
OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)
This chapter. Guys, this is the chapter. THIS IS THE CHAPTER.
I'll let you guys figure out what that means.
On another note, I apologise for not updating, but chapter 13 is giving me a lot of grief. I just thought I'd warn you that the next chapter is ridiculously short.
Enjoy my pain.
-0-
"What do you think happened?" Armin asked, huffing out breaths as we ran as fast as we dared without exhausting ourselves.
Eren forgot he was human. I couldn't tell him that. I wasn't sure, but I had a hunch that was it. "I don't know," I answered instead, swiping a lock of hair out of my eyes irritably. God, I hated that answer. I hate saying I didn't know. There was too much I didn't know and the little I did know, I couldn't talk about. Not without sounding like a lunatic or, god forbid, a co-conspirator.
We reached the shortest path and made the rest of the way on our 3DMG. The wind flew past, but I didn't feel the same comfort I always felt. I still felt the control, but panic was threatening to take over as well. That's all I would ever let it do – threaten. I would never let it take over.
"They didn't even move it," Armin groaned as we neared. I could note Eren's Titan form, sitting against the boulder. "What happened?"
I could only shake my head as I landed onto a roof next to the boulder, Armin following next to me. We stood there for a few moments, staring at the sight before us and struggling to take it in and understand.
I shook my head, staring at the Titan with its head gone. Punched off, I noted, seeing the damaged hand. How I wished I wasn't right.
"What are you doing, Eren?" Armin huffed, sounding a little frustrated.
I didn't know what to say, only placing my hand on Armin's shoulder. "We should get down there, see if we can try and get Eren out," I suggested. Armin nodded almost numbly, his 3DMG catching him on his descent. I was about to follow suit when I heard a loud thump from the roof facing me and gasped.
"Shit," I hissed, unsheathing my blades as I noticed a Titan was on a roof, heading straight for Eren. "I'll go take care of that Titan," I yelled towards Armin. "See if you can – "
I didn't get to finish my sentence as the Titan on the roof fell forward. I squinted past the steam, seeing someone standing on its head – Mikasa.
"Mikasa!" Armin yelled. "What happened to the plan?"
"Armin?" she called down. She seemed to pause for a moment before continuing, "Dani?"
"What's wrong with Eren?" Armin asked.
"It's dangerous," Mikasa warned. "Get away from there! Eren can't control that Titan." Armin turned to frown down at Eren while I ran towards Mikasa. "It didn't even respond when I tried talking to it. There's no use in anyone else trying either."
"And the plan?"
"It failed. We can't leave Eren behind, so everyone's fighting. But with this many Titans, we're bound to get wiped out!"
I skidded across the roof Mikasa was on, almost running into the Titan Mikasa just killed. "Maybe not!" I yelled, Mikasa's head jerking towards me. "Armin could get Eren out."
He could. He could either get Eren out of that Titan or get butt face off his ass. We just had to give him the chance.
"Armin?" Mikasa called out worriedly and I turned to see Armin had snapped on a blade.
"I'll get Eren out of here," he promised. I didn't have to see the look on Armin's face to know he had a plan. He always had a plan and I'd always trust it would be the best one. "Mikasa, Dani, protect us from the Titans!"
"What are you…" Mikasa murmured.
I gripped my handgrips, everything in me warring with my instinct to not abandon Armin. It wasn't abandoning him. It was watching his back. I had promised to look after him and that didn't always involve staying by his side.
"Eren came out of the Titan's weak point before," Armin explained, positioning himself over the nape. He shot his grappling hooks into Eren's shoulders. To keep him in place should Eren start thrashing? "This has to be related to the mystery of the Titan's true nature. It'll be fine," he said, almost to himself, as he wrapped both hands around the handgrip with the blade attached, raising the blade up high. "As long as I avoid the middle, it won't be fatal. It's just going to hurt a bit!" He drove the blade into the nape, slightly off-centre, all the way to the hilt.
"Armin!" Mikasa cried.
I jerked as Eren roared, sitting up suddenly and thrashing, almost throwing Armin off. I took a couple steps forward before forcefully stopping myself, scaling up to the top of the evaporating Titan's head. "Mikasa, let's go," I said sharply, grabbing her arm only for her to shake me off.
"Armin, don't be a fool!" she shouted before turning to me with a look of disdain. "How could you let him do this?"
"I'm not letting him do anything," I retorted, grabbing her arm again and not allowing her to shake me off. "I trust him, the way he always trusts me – trusts us."
She stared at me with wide eyes as Armin yelled, "Mikasa, right now, do what you can! If you go, there are lives you can save. Leave Eren and me and get going! Dani," I turned to him, seeing the determined look in his eyes that mirrored the one Eren always had, "make sure she leaves."
I looked at him – the need to stay warring with my absolute belief in him – before I nodded. I grabbed her arm, pulling her along, and this time she came with me easily. As we raced over the rooftops, she asked, "Why?"
There were a lot of ways that question could be interpreted, as well as a lot of ways I could answer. I didn't answer for a while, wondering what she was really asking. I glanced at her just as we were running out of rooftop to run.
"I trust in them the way they always trust in us. I think it's about time we returned the favour, don't you?" I sighed, my eyes sweeping over the town to see where the Titans were. My eyes zeroed in on a Titan heading towards us – towards Eren. "There; I'll distract that ten-metre class and you finish it."
I didn't wait for her to acknowledge, zipping off to charge it. She could follow me or not; it was her decision and I was hardly her commanding officer. Even if I was (which was a highly unlikely future), I wouldn't be able to order her around. I respected her and her skills too much for that.
Still, it was with some measure of relief as I heard her following behind me anyway. I shot past the Titan, dangerously close to its mouth and shoulder rolled across a roof, getting up on my knees to yell, "Hey, dumbass. Over here!"
Predictably, it turned, easily letting Mikasa slash its nape off.
There was a scream; a scream of pure terror that I was slowly becoming acquainted to. I whirled around, spotting a man in a Titan's grasp and being brought up to its mouth. Shit, too far.
I leaped off the roof, but it wasn't really necessary. The squad leader from earlier shot past me, air trailing past as he slashed at the Titan causing it to crash into a rooftop and safely releasing the soldier.
"Take that, you piece of shit!" I heard someone yell and changed course, heading towards the voice. I cast a cursory glance around, but Mikasa was already heading their way. Okay, I had to rendezvous with the elite team quick. I knew I had said I would help protect Armin and Eren but I was hardly elite, now was I? If I wanted to –
A large hand attempted to grab me, causing me to jerk out of the way and crash land into a roof, rolling to cushion my fall.
I groaned, looking up at the black-haired Titan with a grotesque smile, heading towards me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see some of the members from the elite squad heading over to where the Titan was, but they wouldn't get here in time.
I stood, waiting for the Titan to meander a little closer towards me. There was a roof I could safely land on without needing to use too much gas to propel myself to it once the Titan started to fall. It reached out to me again, but I shot my hooks into its arm, reeling myself in and propelling myself forward with a short burst of gas. I shot under its arm, releasing my hooks and letting my momentum bring me up behind the Titan. I twisted, putting on a small burst of gas to help me spin a little faster, the blades cutting into the skin on the back of its neck easily.
I shot my hooks into the roof next to me, reeling myself in and stumbling as I turned to see the Titan fall to the ground with a thud. I panted, eyeing my work before looking up at the sound of hooks zipping by.
"Who the hell are you?" one of them demanded, landing on the roof facing me. I sheathed both my blades, saluting immediately.
"Cadet Vale, sir," I replied. "I'm here to give aid to the elite team!"
Not that I thought they needed it, but I was already here, so they wouldn't exactly turn me away, would they?
"What are you doing here?" Dietrich asked, frowning at me. "You're supposed to be with the decoy team, aren't you?"
"I – yes, sir." I could see his expression harden and instinctively knew he was a few words away from sending me back. I had never shown I could hold my own with them and I doubted he wanted more blood on his hands if I were to die. I clenched my fists tighter, continuing, "I'm here with Cadet Arlert! I know he can get through to Eren and I am willing to give my service to the elite team, if they will have me, sir!"
I glanced at a Titan heading towards us nervously, biting the inside of my lip as one of the squad leaders – Mitabi, I think – leaned in towards Dietrich to whisper something. Dietrich nodded before turning his eyes to me again.
"Vale, you're with my squad," he ordered, turning around. I blinked, realising he wanted me to follow after him. Right, now he was technically my squad leader. "Mitabi, you and your men handle the eight-metre class heading our way."
"Hai!" I answered, swinging over to the roof they were on. Dietrich eyed me curiously before nodding.
"Good job with the Titan," he said and it actually took a while for his words to register.
I paused; I couldn't remember the last time I had been praised. Shadis had hardly been kind with his words and it wasn't like I had been under the command of any other officer. I didn't know if I should say thank you or just acknowledge the statement, but it didn't matter as another Titan attempted to make a break for Eren and Armin.
It all blurred into a mesh of Titans and commands, my body acting on auto-pilot as more of them attempted to head to Eren. I wanted to keep careful eye on how Armin was doing with getting through to Eren, but I had to have my senses tuned to my immediate surroundings.
"Report! Five more Titans incoming!" one of the members of Mitabi's squad shouted. I growled low in my throat, jumping to avoid a hand that crashed onto the roof I had been on only moments before. I shot my hooks into the Titan's arm, swinging under the limb and hitting the ground running to distract it. I turned behind just as a blur zipped past the back of the Titan and it started to fall.
I had to admit that for Garrison members, they were pretty good. I raised a hand towards the soldier I had assisted, making my way up onto a roof so I could see the battlefield.
"Holy shit, look at all those Titans," I breathed, wiping the sweat that dripped into my eyes. I don't think I had ever seen so many Titans before. Then again, the only time I had even seen a Titan before today had been five years ago and I had hardly been in the midst of the battle.
Someone rapped the back of their hand against my shoulder blades, prompting me to look back at my squad leader, Dietrich. He didn't smile, but there was a flash of something in his eyes. I couldn't quite decipher the emotion, but I hardly wanted to at the moment. "Are you holding up okay?"
"I'm fi – what is that?"
I frowned, glancing behind me as Mikasa landed on the roof with us. It was a heavy thump, thump, of something large and heavy. I whirled around, almost yelling in delight as I noticed a boulder slowly make its way past the rooftops seemingly unaided from my perspective, steam enveloping it.
"He did it," I sighed in relief, almost smiling as I spotted Eren's Titan form underneath the boulder. To my left, Mikasa gasped as the other members of the elite team seemed dumbstruck. "Armin, I could kiss you right now."
"Eren!" Mikasa exclaimed quietly.
"Dani, Mikasa!" Both of us turned at Armin's cry just as the blonde landed on the roof we were on.
"Armin!" Mikasa said in mild surprise.
"Eren won!" Armin told us. "He's trying to do his job now. If he can just make it to the gate, we win!"
I bared my teeth in a feral grin, throwing an arm around Armin. "Armin Arlert, you are brilliant," I stated, watching in awe as Eren lifted the god-knows-how-many-tonne boulder slowly but surely, heading towards the gate.
"Listen well!" Dietrich bellowed, his voice cutting through the air. I let my arm fall from Armin's shoulders as we straightened, turning to our squad leader. "We must defend Eren until he reaches the gate, even if it costs us our lives. Don't let any titans get near him!" Dietrich turned to the three of us and I could see the burning hope in his eyes. The we could actually win this that humanity has never felt before. "You three, got to Eren! This is an order," he ordered. "Got it?"
"Yes, sir!" we answered without hesitation. It was a given even if Dietrich – Ian hadn't ordered us to. He started running, probably to get off the roof, only to skid to a stop.
"Mitabi's squad?" he said, sounding a little panicked, but not enough for it to cloud his mind. "What are they – ?"
Mikasa, Armin and I headed to the edge of the roof, where we could see a squad of three running on the ground, actually chasing after the trio of Titans that were ignoring them.
"Hey, over here!" one of them yelled.
"Turn around or I'll shove my sword right up your stinkin' ass and bleed you to death," Mitabi actually shouted. My eyes widened; he's actually taunting the Titans while they're on the ground. Did they have a death wish?
Even if it costs us our lives!
Two of the Titans paused, their eyes flickering over us on the rooftops momentarily before the turned slowly to the three soldiers on the ground.
"Now, two of them are after us!" Mitabi shrieked. He sounded scared, but not scared enough to completely give up. "Run! Run to the buildings!"
"No way," Armin gasped. "Staying on the ground is suicide. Without horses or buildings, we can't fight!"
"No… it's the only way we've got left," Ian said lowly. I looked at him. He looked resigned to his death, but also… a sort of contentment flitted across his features. He looked unshakeably determined as he started running again, shooting out his hooks and swinging to the ground. "Everyone, follow their lead!"
"Armin, Dani, we're going too," Mikasa stated, running forward without waiting for the answer, not that one was needed. I shared a glance with Armin before following after Mikasa, Armin's footsteps echoing mine for the brief moment we were on the roof before we let our 3DMG catch us on our way down. "We have to make sure Eren doesn't get distracted," Mikasa told us as we ran across the ground. "We'll mark out his path so he'll avoid the Titans."
"Understood," Armin and I replied, pouring on a little more speed so we could be on par with her. We turned to look back at Eren and I noticed his eyes were on us. Eren, you're doing a great job.
"Let's go," I barked, turning around and running off towards the gate. If I was alone, this would be terrifying, running on the ground in Titan territory, but I was far from alone. That was the only reason I could keep going – the reason I had woken up in the mornings for training even when my bones grinded and my muscles protested. It was the reason I had fought so hard and would continue fighting hard, even if my comrades were dying right in front of me.
Even now, I could hear their screams as they were picked up, crushed, eaten. It didn't make me want to give up. Instead, it made me angry, the anger telling me I couldn't let their death go to waste. They gave their lives for a reason and I'd damn well make sure that reason was worth it.
I heard another scream. It wasn't any different from the others, but I was glancing out of the corner of my eye anyway. My eyes widened as I realised the scream wasn't like the others after all; rather than a howl of a dying man, it was the howl of someone falling to the ground because they had just been saved.
My eyes were glued to Ian, who seemed to hang suspended in the Titan's mouth, hand and legs prying the Titan's mouth for the split second before its hand rose and pushed him inside. I looked away from his face – the only thing showing – as the Titan clamped its mouth shut, nose upturned in smug delight. I wanted to chase after the Titan, but we had been ordered to stay with Eren because that was who was important right now. I wasn't going to go against a dead man's order. Not now.
We were almost there. We were so close to winning. My grip on my handgrips tightened as I realised the only thing standing in our way was one solitary Titan blocking the hole.
"Watch out! Titans!" Armin warned. I gritted my teeth. Even if it cost me my life.
"I'll handle this," Mikasa said, running a little faster.
I veered away from them, right into the Titan's path. "I'll distract it – "
"Out of the way!" the ash-haired soldier – Rico – screamed and even from the distance, I could see the rage playing across her face as she swung towards the ten-metre class blocking Eren's way, slashing out its eye and quickly getting out of the way. After that, it was easy for Mikasa to get behind it and finish it off.
"Hey, shithead, I'm over here!"
I turned at the familiar voice, coughing in surprise as I noticed Connie waving crazily at an eight-metre class Titan. I didn't know when the hell he got here, but I couldn't say it wasn't welcome, even if he was putting himself in danger, the idiot. I glanced back at Armin, deemed it safe enough for me to leave him alone and ran towards Connie and the Titan he was distracting. I growled as I realised it was heading towards Rico and with a wordless cry, shot my hooks into the monster, my feet leaving the ground as I reeled myself in and propelled myself ever faster, blades dragging into its flesh and cutting out its nape.
I tumbled to the ground, looking up just as I heard Armin yell, "Go, Eren!"
Eren roared, almost in response, as he threw the rock down into the hole. There was a huge shockwave as the boulder was thrown into place and I let out a grateful sob, pressing my cheek to the ground in relief.
"He did it," I murmured, getting up onto my knees and feeling tears prick my eyes. In front of me, Rico fell to her knees. I watched as she raised the smoke gun to the sky, shooting a yellow smoke flare that was vibrant against the setting sun.
We had to get up eventually, but for now we were allowed to bask in our success. I felt the shockwaves of large footsteps and rose, whirling around to find two seven-metre classes heading towards us.
"The remaining Titans are coming," Rico warned as I ran towards her. "We have to climb the wall!"
"I'll withdraw as soon as we've recovered Eren!" Mikasa replied, already heading to Eren as well.
"We'll see you up top," I called out to Rico as I met with Mikasa and we ran to Eren. At Eren's nape, I could see Armin attempting to recover Eren.
"Armin, how's Eren?" Mikasa called.
"He's feverish from the unbelievable heat in here," Armin grunted, Eren's unconscious body in his arms as he tugged. "We need to get him over the wall right away!"
"You help Armin and I'll make sure no Titans get too near," I said, looking up at Eren before turning to Mikasa. I could tell how anxious she was to get him out and if I went up there and tried to pull Eren out too, it'd get too crowded. We needed to have someone to make sure we didn't all get eaten anyway. I just hoped I had enough gas to not get eaten.
"Part of his body is still fused with the Titan," Armin noted. "I can't pull him out!"
Rico showed up next to us. "We'll have to cut it, then," she gritted out. Before I could protest, she was already swinging down, blades slicing through the flesh that held Eren to the Titan. It sent Armin tumbling backwards, down Eren's Titan body.
"Armin!" I shrieked before I could stop myself. "Are you and Eren okay?"
I ran towards them, being the closest and tried to pull Eren and Armin up simultaneously. A shadow loomed over us and I felt cold as I looked up at the two seven-metre classes that had been heading towards me and Rico earlier.
"Eren! Armin! Dani!" Mikasa shouted, but she was too far away to do anything.
"Crap," I muttered, raising my blades as the Titan on my right reached its hand towards us. I bent my knees, ready to jump up its arm or at the very least slash its hand off when there was the whooshing of compressed gas and a green blur whizzed past, easily taking care of both Titans within seconds.
Our mystery saviour landed atop one of the fallen Titans. I raised an arm to shield my eyes from the glare of the sun, squinting at the figure standing above us. His cape fluttered in the light breeze and I could make out the wings of freedom. Could it be…?
The figure turned and I could make out familiar features that hadn't aged at all over the years. I slowly let my arm fall as I stared into the face of my saviour from so many years ago.
"Hey, you kids," Levi drawled. "What's the situation here?"
I almost wanted to snort at the irony. When I was eight, Levi had come rushing in, killing both human traffickers before they could kill me. Once again, he had killed both assailants, saving me. I hoped this wouldn't be a regular thing.
Hello, nii-chan, I thought as I looked up at him. It's good to see you face-to-face again.
•●•●•●•
Mikasa and I each had one of Eren's arms slung around our shoulders, the two of us bearing his weight together as we trailed behind the soldiers that had rushed in to extract us.
I stared at Rico's and Armin's slumped shoulders in front of us as we made the slow trek back to the inner wall. We could have been faster if Mikasa had allowed one of the bigger and stronger soldiers to carry Eren, but she wanted to do it and I volunteered to help. It gave us the illusion of privacy as the others walked in front of us, far enough away that we couldn't quite hear what they were saying. I readjusted Eren's arm on my shoulder, the unconscious boy groaning as he was jostled.
"You said they trusted us," Mikasa said quietly, shattering the companionable silence between us. "What did you mean?"
I glanced at her, but she wasn't looking at me, her eyes fixed on the ground in front of us. I exhaled slowly. "They… trust us to always watch out for them, I guess," I answered quietly, looking at her even if she wouldn't look at me. "We don't have to say anything because they'll always know. That's why they can do the things they do – they know we'll be there to support them or get them out of trouble or whatever." I blew a lock of hair out of Eren's face. "Eren might act like he doesn't like having you watching him the way you do, but he's actually really grateful. He just has a crappy way of showing it."
Mikasa shifted her hold on Eren as well. "He's… grateful?"
"Really grateful," I said. "He cares about you too. That's why he gets so angry. He knows what he wants to do is dangerous and he hates that he's putting you in danger too. Idiot here just can't show it."
"Don't call him an idiot," she protested half-heartedly. She was quiet for a moment. "Is that why you get angry at Eren? Because you care?"
I hummed thoughtfully. I never really thought about that. I did get angry at Eren quite a lot, didn't I? "I guess so."
"You're never like that around Armin."
"Armin's a reasonable person. Eren is a stubborn mule. Just because I get angry at Eren and not at Armin doesn't mean I care for either of them less."
"Right," she murmured. The others were getting further away and I was about to suggest we pick up the pace when Mikasa whispered, "I forgive you."
I nearly dropped Eren in my surprise, which wouldn't have been appreciated by either Eren or Mikasa. I never thought she'd forgive me. If I was in her position, I wasn't sure if I would have forgiven me. Probably not.
"I would have understood if you didn't forgive me," I murmured. She finally turned to look at me and it was with no small measure of relief that I saw the life in her eyes.
"I know," she replied softly, "but if this were Armin, you would have forgiven me the moment he had appeared out of that Titan."
I laughed awkwardly, my voice sounding strained. "Ah, I don't know about that."
"No. I know you would have. You're just that kind."
I blinked at Mikasa a few times before slowly letting a small smile grace my lips. It would be a while before I could smile properly again without it feeling too stiff, but I think earning Mikasa's forgiveness deserved a smile, even if it was a crappy one. Her corners of her lips tilted upwards a little too; not quite a smile, but just as good as one.
The rest of the journey passed in silence, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Mikasa and I dropped Eren off at the medical tent, Armin loitering with the both of us outside. I was itching to find Marco, but I couldn't quite leave Armin yet. I still wanted to make sure that he was there, not some apparition I had made up to deal with my grief.
"Dani!" someone cried just before I was assaulted from behind. I choked as I was wrestled into a headlock, my airway dangerously close to being crushed. I nearly lashed out before realising my face was squished against a brown military jacket and it was Connie's voice that boomed, "You brilliant bastard, I could just kiss you!"
Typically, when someone says shit like that, they don't actually kiss you unless you're together or something. I could swear Connie seriously wasn't right in the head as he grabbed my face and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek.
I swear that my immediate response to punch him was entirely justified.
"What the fuck?" I screeched, scrubbing away at my cheek as I glared at Connie, who was going a little cross-eyed. I highly doubt I hit that hard. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Ow, my jaw," Connie moaned, cupping said appendage as he lay on the ground. "Damn, you definitely don't hit like a girl."
"I believe Connie was trying to say thank you for saving him just now," Annie sighed, eyeing Connie's pathetic form still on the ground. "Of course, he could just have a death wish."
I scowled down at Connie, deciding against kicking him and poked Mikasa's shoulder as she threatened to smirk. "Not funny." Nope, she was still smirking a little. I spotted Jean a little ways away. "Hey, have you guys seen Marco?"
Connie and Annie didn't answer. Connie looked up at me, scratching his head before shrugging. I looked at Annie, but she wasn't looking at me. There was a flash in her eyes and I zeroed in on it, trying to figure out what that emotion was. She couldn't have already… could she?
No, I couldn't accuse her like that, even if it was only in my head. There was never any proof that she had killed him. It… it could have happened to anyone.
"He'll show up eventually," Armin piped up as the silence stretched uncomfortably, his hand resting comfortably on my shoulder. "He should be around."
My heart was beating uncomfortably fast as I kept my gaze on Annie for a few more moments before looking away. "You're probably right," I agreed quietly, crossing my arms. Ugh, my arms felt so naked now that I wasn't wearing my jacket.
Marco, you're safe… right?
•●•●•●•
If I thought battle was gruesome, the aftermath was far worse.
We didn't have to worry about the Titan carcasses. It was the bodies of everyone else – the soldiers who had given their lives – that had to be picked up so they could be given decent burials. I grunted as I dragged another body towards the line of dead we had started. I didn't know the person, which made this a little easier, but I still had to avert my gaze to stop myself from being sick. Being crushed to death definitely isn't a dignified way to die.
I hadn't been able to identify any of the bodies so far, except for Mitabi. God, I hadn't even realised how far he had flown when that Titan had backhanded him.
"Do you know him?" the nurse asked, blue eyes wide and unmoving on me. I had realised soon after I had been assigned to her for clean-up duty that she had an almost dead look in her eyes. I suppose working with the dead had that effect on people.
I looked down and shook my head. I watched as she scribbled his measurements and description as well as probable cause of death, John Doe written where his name should be. She walked off again, but I continued to stare at the man I didn't know. His eyes were still open and I leaned down, closing his eyes for him. Yes, being crushed to death wasn't dignified, but it was the slightest dignity to have your eyes closed. I hoped when it came down to it, I would have someone to close my eyes for me.
I stood up, shaking the melancholic thought away. I wouldn't think like that – no, I refused to think like that. I couldn't keep thinking about death. I had been there before and I was done. All I had to do was keeping moving forward, one step at a time.
I sighed, the heat merely blowing back onto my face due to the cloth I had covering my mouth. There was still Titan ash falling around us, so we had to keep our mouth covered, along with the threat of infection from the dead bodies. We had been collecting corpses for two days. Two days and there were still bodies to find and extract.
I was tired of waking up and knowing I would look at so much death.
I hoped Eren was okay. Not long after we had placed him in the medical tent, he was taken away by Garrison soldiers. He was under the custody of the Military Police, I had heard. There wasn't anything Mikasa, Armin or I could have done to stop them from taking him away. I assumed he hadn't woken up yet, since a military court appearance hadn't been cited to the three of us. I guess he would need the time to recuperate, wouldn't he? He had pushed his body to the limit with those changes and carrying that heavy boulder.
I looked up at Jean, but he was standing still. I couldn't see what he was looking at. I could only see the pool of blood.
Fear struck my heart. I hadn't seen Marco for two days. Neither had Armin or Jean or, well, anybody, really. I had hoped and hoped… but what was the point of hoping when the deed was done? I stumbled towards Jean, my feet shuffling against the ground unsteadily. It's not possible. I knew I couldn't have changed much, but I was hoping I could have at least changed this. Please, let me have changed this. If nothing else, let me change this.
Jean turned at the sound of my footsteps, his eyes widening as he walked forward to intercept me. "Dani, you don't want to see this," he said gently, blocking my way.
"What don't I want to see?" I rasped, pushing him to the side. He moved away with little resistance, allowing me to see the body slumped against the wall of the house. The brown military jacket caught my attention first, followed by the insignia of the 104th Training Squad. I fell to my knees, gaze fixed on Marco's face. I wanted to cry; there was only half of his face left.
My body trembled as I fought back tears. No, I couldn't cry here. There wasn't time to mourn. There wasn't even time to understand. The cloth around my face was making it difficult to breathe, my rapid breaths not helping matters as I kept breathing in the carbon dioxide I was exhaling. I felt suffocated and light-headed.
My hand hovered over Marco's face. I couldn't even try and pretend he could be alive. The part of his mouth that I could see was bared in what might have been a grin, but I couldn't have been sure. I greatly doubted he was grinning. It might have been a grimace. I didn't know.
I covered his eye with my hand, shifting the eyelid down so his eye was shut. It was the least I could do; the only thing I could do.
Slowly, I got up, taking a deep breath. There was still so many dead we needed to find and try to identify. There was still so much to do and there would be a lot of time to mourn and regret afterwards. I had a lifetime to mourn.
"Did you tell the nurse?" I heard myself ask as I turned towards Jean, my voice sounding far away. He was watching me with a wary look in his eyes, a look that I hated to see directed towards me.
"Yeah," he answered quietly.
I nodded almost absentmindedly, feeling the oddest sensation of floating away before I forced myself to focus.
"I'm fine," I said automatically, not giving him the chance to ask the question I knew he wanted to ask. I didn't want to hear it because I was afraid my answer would be no. "We need to keep moving. Come on."
One step at a time. I just had to keep moving forward, one step at a time, even if it hurt.