Of Epic Proportions

by authorinprogress97

And I thought life was hard enough the first time. OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)

15. Recruit

And I thought life was hard enough the first time.

OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)

My updates are getting irregularly regular. My muse is being difficult. Dani's being mildly difficult. Only mildly.

-0-

The blades of the scissors seemed to glint in the light of the candle. I snipped the blades together, eyeing them nervously.

It had to be done. It just had to be done.

I raised the blades, shutting my eyes before pulling the scissors way, the metal clattering in the sink.

"I can't do it," I whined quietly to myself, eyeing the mess of curls I called my hair. I loathed to cut my hair short. I told myself I wouldn't, but it was getting more troublesome for me to keep it the length it was. I wasn't like Krista and Mikasa, who had straight and manageable hair. The curls were matted at the edges and I hadn't done anything to salvage my hair after that Titan had bitten it off. It was a mess and the only thing I could do to salvage it was to cut it short.

I twirled a lock of hair around my finger, glancing out the open bedroom door. Mikasa was still asleep and it would be at least another couple of hours before she woke. Besides, I was hardly going to wake her up from her precious sleep just to help me with my hair crisis.

It was necessary. I couldn't afford to keep my hair so long. If I was planning to join the Recon Corps, I didn't want to worry about my hair getting into my face or be the reason a Titan grabbed me. My hair being the cause of my demise was a horrible way to die, to say the least.

It took a really long time for my hair to grow this long, though.

I shook myself, picking up the scissors once more and looking up into the mirror.

I faltered. Sometimes… sometimes I looked into the mirror and I had to do a double take. I would look into the mirror and expect darker hair and darker eyes. I'd expect straighter hair instead of the curly mess of red hair I had. I'd look at my cheeks and expect them to be plumper, to have less sharp features. Sometimes I just forgot that this was how I was supposed to look.

I took a deep breath. I was a big girl. Cutting my hair wouldn't hurt at all since hair was just dead cells and they had no nerves. I couldn't afford to keep my hair long because I had no way of straightening out my hair enough to keep it manageable.

Oh, fuck it.

I measured out the length of hair I wanted to keep with two of my fingers and snipped off the hair below it. The hair fluttered into the sink and I let out a sigh. I eyed the rest of my hair. One down, about seven hundred to go.

It was slow going. It would have been a lot faster if I had gotten Mikasa to help me. I guess I was just glad I had washed my hair before cutting it, the damp, slightly straighter strands a little more easier to cut. I just had to remember not to cut it too short; once my hair started to curl, it would look shorter than it already was. The woes of having curly hair.

By the time I was done, the tips of my hair was brushing my shoulders and I had a wad of hair to worry about clogging the sink. I blinked down at the hair in the sink, rolling my eyes at myself.

"I obviously didn't think this through," I muttered to myself as I grabbed all that damp hair – ugh – and tossed it into the trashcan.

I tugged a newly-shorn lock, eyeing my hair. Yeah, it would be fine. I flicked my fringe out of my hair, testing it out. It was about time I had a trim anyway. Necessary casualty. This wasn't the time to be vain.

"Oh, you cut your hair," Mikasa observed sleepily. I whirled around, feeling a lot lighter now that I didn't have to swing around so much hair.

I smiled a little awkwardly, patting my hair self-consciously. "Yeah," I answered. "It had to be done. It was… getting too long." I looked down at the tips of my hair, glancing at her. I let her scrutinise me, her eyes travelling over my hair and then over all of me.

She shrugged, pushing past me to the sink. "It suits you," she comments, reaching for her brush. "You're done, right?"

"Yeah. I'll go get dressed."

I probably didn't need to be self-conscious. After all, I wasn't the only one with short hair. It was just… weird. I could finally feel the breeze on my neck and I didn't have long strands of hair continuously flopping onto my face. I kept playing with the ends of my hair, which was starting to curl as it dried. It must have irritated Mikasa because she took my hand, holding it in hers as we walked to the mess hall.

Armin's eyes widened as we sat down next to him. I raised an eyebrow at him as he stared at my hair.

"You… cut your hair," he said slowly, frowning slightly.

I nodded. "Yup," I replied. I smiled slightly. "I like it."

Armin blinked a couple of times before smiling back at me. "Suits you."

"I feel like I'm trying to be Mikasa," I joked.

"My hair isn't as wavy as yours," Mikasa stated, not even looking up. I fingered a lock of my hair. When I cut it, it had gone from ridiculously curly to a more manageable wavy. I glanced at Mikasa's straight hair, feeling the very faintest pinch of hair envy. Very faint because I don't really care all that much.

"Meh."

Sasha slipped into the seat next to me, hand reaching for my bread roll. I slapped it away, causing her to pout at me. "Aw, Dani," she whined. She paused. "Hey, did you do something different with your hair?"

•●•●•●•

Four days later, there was a cry throughout the town. It had everyone rushing out of their beds and looking out of their windows.

"I think it was a stupid move," I commented as I strapped on my harnesses. Mikasa looked up from where she was lacing up her boots, nodding.

"I agree. Even though they were Titans, they were useful." She frowned. "I don't understand why they would do it. The Titans were harmless."

"Maybe…" I bit back my words. No, I shouldn't speculate. I didn't have the sufficient information. I mean, I knew, but I had nothing to back it up. Armin would say they would have helped the Titans. Armin would be right. "I'm sure they had their reasons," I said instead.

Yes, I'm sure Annie had her reasons. I might not have agreed with them, but she had her reasons. I just hoped they were worth it to her.

Mikasa shook her head, running her fingers through her hair to straighten out non-existent tangles. "I still don't understand."

I chuckled, running my own fingers through my hair (what I wouldn't give for a comb right about now) and slipping on my jacket. "That makes two of us," I agreed. "Come on, let's head to breakfast. Maybe Armin has an idea why the mystery person did what they did."

It had become somewhat routine, after the clean-up operation. We'd meet up with Armin for breakfast, sometimes accompanied by the other graduates and sometimes just the three of us. I didn't know if I was the only one who seemed to notice, but we were beginning to cling to each other. It was like after losing so many of our friends, we were trying to keep the ones we had as close to us as possible.

There wasn't much for us graduates to do. We weren't under any particular command, but most days we were tasked to help the Garrison. When we weren't given any duties, we were left to our own devices. I wasn't the only one beginning to become restless. I liked to think that I was handling it better than Connie, who had taken to pranking all the graduates. He had stayed clear of Mikasa, Annie and, to a very small extent, me, but everyone else was fair game. I was just waiting for the inevitable blow-up when Connie managed to piss Jean enough for him to retaliate – and trust me when I said there would be a blow-up. I couldn't help but be reminded of the great prank war of '48. Now, that was a laugh (and mildly frightening as well when I thought they would be found out by Shadis).

When we met him in the mess hall, Armin had a faintly disturbed look. He glanced up at us as we sat down next to him with our breakfast, greeting us absentmindedly. Looks like it would just be the three of us today.

"I see you're stewing over the dead Titans," I commented. Armin nodded, frowning down at his mess tin.

"They're going to be checking our Maneuver Gear," he informed us. "Just the graduates, though."

"They're not going to check other branches?" Mikasa questioned, frowning herself as well.

I hummed thoughtfully. It normally wouldn't make sense for them to only suspect us graduates, but it made perfect sense as well. We could be considered working under our own command since none of us had a direct superior officer to report to. When said like that, it could also be said that we were only loyal to each other and had no fear of superior officers as our instructor was back at the training camp, far away from us.

I wonder what Keith Shadis must be thinking about his runts of soldiers participating in their first battle the day they graduated.

"It's still odd," I said, "but I'm sure they have their reasons for suspecting us." I bit on my spoon as I thought briefly. "It couldn't have been the Recon Corps because they were at the old Recon Corps HQ and wouldn't have been able to make it back there in time to not look suspicious. The Military Police… well, it simply wouldn't make sense for a member of the Military Police to do that. They haven't…" seen what we have. I cleared my throat. "And the Garrison… well, I don't know. There must be a reason why they're only suspecting us graduates."

"That's a load of crap," Jean announced, sliding in next to me. Connie slid in across from me, next to Armin.

"I just don't understand," Connie added, stuffing himself.

"No surprise there," I muttered, rolling my eyes slightly. "Hey, when did we say you guys could sit with us?"

Jean slung his arm around me, which I was quick to brush off. "We're practically family!"

"No," I replied in a deadpan. "I can't imagine being related to you."

He glared, tugging on a lock of my hair as Connie wheezed out a laugh.

Somehow, Jean and I had managed to slip into a cat and dog relationship that was pretty similar to the one I normally had with Eren. Except, you know, I was a lot nicer with Eren. We were still trying to figure out a way to speak to each other without sounding too antagonistic. It was… going well. Enough. We're working on it.

Being civil came easy for us now, at least. The friction was still there, but it was beginning to smoothen, or so I liked to think. There were still awkward moments, but they never lasted long.

Breakfast was noisy, but that was mainly on Connie's and Jean's part. Mikasa, Armin and I usually preferred to enjoy a quiet meal so that we could think. We would never let each other think for too long because… well, it wasn't a good idea. When we were left alone for too long, we became melancholic. I guessed having others with us kept those thoughts at bay.

Soon enough, the announcement sounded for us to make our way to one of the halls for inspection.

"They must've really hated Titans."

I glanced away from my Maneuver Gear in front of me, glancing at Connie. We were all being lined up to get our gear inspected and Mikasa had ended up somewhere in the row behind us.

"Yeah," Armin murmured, "but in reality, they've ended up helping the Titans. Their desire for vengeance may have been fulfilled, but it's a blow to humanity."

"Maybe that's what they were hoping for," I muttered under my breath, watching Annie out of the corner of my eyes. She didn't react, but I thought her eyes flashed towards me.

Connie seemed to heave a sigh. "I think I kind of get why they did it because I'm also an idiot." I wanted to disagree, but Connie was a little bit of an idiot. I didn't think it was a bad thing. He glanced towards Armin and me. He looked a little dead inside. "Before I saw the Titans, I seriously planned to join the Recon Corps. Now, I never want to see another and today, we have to decide which force to join." Connie paused. "Hey, Annie, what did you think? Even Jean said he's joining the Recon Corps."

I glanced at Annie, who continued to look forward. It wasn't news to me.

"Huh? Jean said that?" Armin asked, his arm brushing against mine. Oh, right. I hadn't told Armin what Jean had told me that night. He must not have stuck around for Jean's announcement either.

"Nothing in particular," Annie sighed.

"You're joining the Military Police, right? Maybe I should too," Connie mused.

I didn't remove my eyes from Annie. There was just something about her… maybe I was just being too suspicious. I was the only one who knew she was the Female Titan. I'm pretty sure that was the only reason I was so suspicious of her. She wasn't really a bad person. Just… misguided.

"If someone told you to die, would you do it?" she asked, eyes still facing forward.

"What? Of course not."

"Then, why not make your own decision?" The tone of her voice never wavered, but I could hear the silent taunt and almost gentle coaxing in her voice. And Eren called me a walking contradiction. "Armin, what about you?"

Armin looked down and I glanced at him, feeling slightly concerned. I didn't have to, of course; he was just in a contemplative mood (but it was whenever Eren and Armin got into a contemplative mood that I worried the most). "I… I think if you know why you have to die," he answered, "there are times when you simply must." He looked up at me and there was a hint of don't worry in his eyes. "Not that I want to."

Not that I would let him, either.

"I see…" Annie murmured. "You've made your choice."

"Yeah," Armin agreed. "I've been thinking about doing it for a long time."

A long time… I wonder how long. Probably when Eren brought up the idea of enlisting. We all knew he was going to get into the Recon Corps and we were all willing to follow him.

"Seriously?" Connie said, sounding really shocked. "Armin, you as well?" he seemed to deflate before looking over at me. "Dani, don't tell me you're going to the Recon Corps as well."

"I think you already know," I replied. He sighed – a sign that he did know. Other than the fact that I would always be there to look out for Armin, I still had something to prove. Graduating wasn't just enough. I had to put on the jacket with the Recon Corps insignia on it before I could say I told you so.

"You're weak, but you have guts, Armin," Annie commented.

Armin started, looking over at Annie. "Th-thank you," he replied. "Annie, you're actually pretty nice, aren't you?" She jerked her head towards us, frowning ever so slightly. Armin smiled kindly at her. "It seems like you don't want us to join the Recon Corps. Isn't there a reason you want to join the Military Police?"

I had to admit that even I was curious. It would have made more sense for her to join us – and Eren – in the Recon Corps if she wanted to capture him.

She looked forward again, but there was a heavy sadness that seemed to linger in her pale eyes. "No reason. It's just that I want to survive."

To survive… that's what most people prioritised, didn't they? They weren't willing to head into battle the way we – or even I – was. Then again, they didn't know what was coming. They didn't know the hardships we would have to go through. Most of them here would have been content with being in the Garrison and hopefully never participating in another battle for their lifetime.

I stared at Annie for a little while longer before letting my gaze slip to the table in front of us. As my eyes landed on her Maneuver Gear, they widened.

"You," one of the Military Police soldiers snapped and I stood to attention, eyes snapping forward.

"Danika Vale, squad thirty four," I replied, almost faltering. Squad thirty four only had me and Armin left, didn't it? Eren was with the Recon Corps and everyone else was… gone.

He turned to his fellow Military Police soldier, a woman holding a clipboard. "Check for wear."

They asked their questions in bored voices, the words no doubt stale and overused in their mouths. I answered as promptly as I could, not wanting this to drag longer than it should.

I blinked out of my stupor as the female tapped my gas seals. "When was this done?" she asked. I looked down at my Maneuver Gear, realising she was pointing out the tape that had corrected my faulty seals.

"Um, during the battle, ma'am," I answered. By… Marco. I nearly winced, managing to stop myself in time. No, I didn't want to think about him right now.

She frowned, jotting down something on her clipboard. "You should get that replaced."

I hesitated. It would have been best. I had known they had replacement gas seals in a couple days ago. Armin had mentioned it and I had filed it away, but I never did anything with that information. I should have… but I didn't. I had consciously ignored that. "Yes, ma'am," I said anyway, frowning down at my Maneuver Gear as the duo moved on to Armin on my left.

It was stupid. No, I was being stupid. I should just change my gas seals. The tape was only meant to be a temporary seal, not a long-term solution.

We were dismissed once the last graduate was inspected. None of us were called upon, so I could safely assume that no one had been caught. Of course they wouldn't have. After all, Annie hadn't presented her own 3DMG, not that they would have known.

I lingered, picking up my Maneuver Gear and inspecting it. Armin turned back when he realised I wasn't walking with him.

"Problem?" he inquired, frowning down at my Maneuver Gear.

"I should… probably replace my gas seals," I murmured, picking at the electrical tape. It was the smart thing to do.

"You should," he agreed, "but you don't want to."

"The tape…" I bit my lip. God, it sounded like such a dumb reason. It was a dumb reason. "Marco helped me fix my gear during the battle. I don't – I'm being stupid."

"Oh." He glanced around us. I did as well, realising that the hall was almost empty, except for those who had probably stayed behind to repair their gear as well. His voice lowered to a whisper as he leaned towards me. "Did you notice Annie's gear…?"

I rolled the replacement gas seals that the female Military Police soldier had been kind enough to pass me between my fingers. I darted my eyes around once more, making sure no one was in ear shot.

"Yeah," I replied under my breath. I looked up at him, seeing that he wasn't reassured at the confirmation. "There has to be a reason," I offered weakly.

There was a reason we could both think of, but it was one we were both uncomfortable with.

•●•●•●•

I scratched drawings onto the ground with my finger, looking up periodically. I couldn't help but wonder where Mikasa was. She had been absent from my radar since we were separated for the 3DMG checks. She would show up eventually, I knew, but I still liked to keep tabs.

Armin, Sasha, Connie and Annie were with me, leaning against the wall in various states of contemplation. There was quite a turnout for the Recon Corps induction this year. I knew that most of them would leave by the end of the night, but I hadn't really thought Eren would have been able to sway that many people. If it weren't for Eren, most of them would have gone straight for the Garrison's induction, not even bothering to show up for this one.

Footsteps nearing us had me looking up from the forest I had been drawing absentmindedly. My lips parted in surprise as I nodded at Jean, clapping my hands free of dirt as I stood up.

"Jean," Armin said, surprise evident. "You're really joining the Recon Corps?"

He nodded, eyes shifting to mine briefly. I tilted my head to the side, sending a silent I'm impressed that I was sure he had caught. "Yeah."

"Why, all of a sudden?" Sasha asked. She looked down, almost looking ashamed. "I mean… aren't you scared?"

Jean's hands rose to his hips. I had to smother down a snicker; holy crap, he looked so sassy. "Huh? Of course I don't want to join the Recon Corps," he stated. I raised my eyebrows, crossing my arms and leaning against the wall.

"Th-then why…" Connie muttered.

"It isn't that I decided the Titans don't scare me," Jean explained, sounding mildly exasperated like we should have known better. "And I won't say something like, the best should join the Recon Corps. I'm not as eager to die as some." He rolled his eyes slightly. It didn't take a genius to figure out he was talking about Eren. He shot me a somewhat playful look, as if to say, I'm maybe talking about you too. Since when have I been suicidal?

"You mean Eren?" Connie said. I glanced at him, seeing him looking down at the ground with a forlorn expression. "He already joined the Recon Corps."

A shout echoed through the field, telling us to line up before the stage. We didn't move; Jean wasn't quite done talking yet.

"I'm not risking my life because someone convinced me," he continued, the slightest hint of sadness in his gaze. "This is a job you can't do unless you decide for yourself." He kept silent for a while, allowing us to mull over his words. Man, the 104th Trainee Squad sure was filled with silver-tongued smartasses. Suddenly, a smirk kicked up the corner of his lips. "Besides, if Red can cut her hair, I can make it in the Recon Corps."

If this was a cartoon, there would be steam rising from my head. I hate that stupid nickname and it's Eren's fault for sticking me with that unoriginal name. "What did I say about – ?"

He turned away before I could protest further, walking off. I sputtered to myself as weak smiles spread across everyone else's face. I appreciated his attempt at lightening the mood, but did it have to be at my expense?

Armin patted my shoulder, amusement lighting up his eyes as he tugged me forward. Well, I'll deal with it.

We met up with Mikasa, who gave me a look. I turned around, seeing where her gaze was.

"Yeah, he's joining the Recon Corps," I confirmed, seeing her eyes widen minutely. I knew she cared for Jean, if only in a platonic way. Kind of. It's really hard to figure out her emotions sometimes unless Eren is involved.

She hummed thoughtfully as we lined up, Armin in the middle with Mikasa and me flanking him. The stage was still empty and the sun was going down. Maybe they were still making their way here. I let my gaze travel over the rest of my fellow graduates. I wondered if I would be able to see most of them again.

The sound of footsteps on the stage in front of us had me looking forwards once more, seeing the tall, blonde figure of Commander Erwin Smith.

"I am Erwin Smith," he introduced. "Commander of the Recon Corps. Today, you will choose a military branch. Put bluntly, I'm here to persuade you to join the Recon Corps."

There was something in the way the words rolled in his mouth…. It made me think that he wasn't really going to try to persuade us to join the Recon Corps, but the opposite. I don't know, maybe I was grasping at straws. I could hardly say I would be able to understand Erwin Smith.

He continued. "During the Titan attack, you learned how terrifying they can be and how limited your own power is. However, this battle brought humanity closer to victory than it's ever been. Through Eren Jaeger's existence."

I had to fight the frown off my face. Was it… smart to mention Eren? I didn't want to question who would most likely be my commanding officer, but I simply didn't see the tactical advantage. I tried not to glance at Annie. Maybe…

"By risking his own life, he's proven himself, without doubt, a friend to humanity." His gaze travelled over us graduates standing before him. "With his help, not only did we stop the Titans' advance, but we have a way to discover their true nature."

Mikasa and Armin gasped as I frowned, chewing on my bottom lip. My eyes narrowed. He wasn't going to… was he?

Erwin was undeterred, bulldozing forward. "We believe," he boomed, "that in the basement of his Shiganshina home, there are answers about the Titans that he himself doesn't have. If we can reach that basement, we will find a clue that will end this century of Titan rule."

Why mention the basement? It made sense to mention Eren, somewhat, but the basement should have been classified information.

"We will head for the basement in Shiganshina," he announced, blue eyes still scanning the crowd. He was looking for something, but what exactly? "However, that requires us to retake Wall Maria. In other words, our objective hasn't changed." He turned back, to where two Recon Corps members – Petra, I recognised with widened eyes – was revealing a map. "But with the Trost gate sealed, we'll have to take the long way around, from Karenese to the east." Information Mikasa, Armin and I had already known from the tribunal. "The four years we spent laying route for a large army have gone to waste. In those four years, more than sixty percent of the Recon Corps lost their lives.

"Sixty percent in four years. An insane figure. Any graduates who join will participate in our excursion beyond the walls in a month. We expect thirty percent won't return. In four years, most will be dead, but those who survive will become superior soldiers with a high survival rate." The statistics weren't comforting at all. They would definitely scare at least half of the graduates away.

Superior soldiers, huh? I glanced at Mikasa. I knew she would definitely still be around in four years. Jean too. Armin would hopefully stay behind lines enough to survive that long. I just wondered if I would still be donning my attire in four years as well.

No, don't think about that. Not now, not ever.

Erwin seemed to take in a deep breath, letting his words sink in. "Knowing these discouraging facts, any still willing to risk their lives remain here. Ask yourself… are you willing to offer your beating heart for humanity?" His words rang through the field, almost hanging in the air before dissipating. "That's all. Anyone who wishes to join another branch is dismissed."

All it took was one person to turn and leave. Then, there were groups of people walking away. I glanced behind, finding Annie's retreating back easily. I wasn't surprised. Future knowledge aside, Annie had always had her sights set on the Military Police after she found out she was in the top ten.

"A lot of scared people," I murmured, remembering my whispers before the retake of Trost. Did that make us brave or simply willed enough to push our fear aside?

I shut my eyes, waiting for the sound of footsteps to subside. There were so many I couldn't even count. When it finally fell silent, I opened my eyes once more. There couldn't have been more than thirty, if even.

I looked to Erwin as he inhaled sharply. "Can you die if you're ordered to?" he asked.

"I don't want to die!" someone yelled. I didn't turn to find out who.

Erwin's lips curved upwards minutely. "I see. I like the looks on your faces." He seemed to breathe in our presence. "Then, I welcome everyone here to the Recon Corps! This is a true salute. Offer up your hearts!" His hand beat against his chest in a salute and we followed suit.

Armin looked around. "Everyone…"

"It's a lot more than I expected," I said breathlessly, feeling inexplicably proud. I glanced at Jean out of the corner of my eye. Yeah, definitely proud.

"You have done well to endure your fear," Erwin complimented. "You are brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect."

I didn't know why, but those words meant a lot.

•●•●•●•

"I'm impressed."

Jean turned, pausing so I could catch up with him. We had been dismissed and I told Mikasa to head to our room first. We were leaving at the crack of dawn for the Recon Corps HQ they were using and it would be at least a four hour ride on horse.

"Yeah?" he replied. "And why's that?"

I shrugged, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear as I walked next to him. "I always figured you'd be in the Military Police." I took in a deep breath, smiling at him a little. "I guess Marco really changed everything."

"Are you scared?"

I scratched the back of my head. "Not really." I mean, there was the rational fear that I could get eaten, but other than that, not really. "I always knew."

"You always knew," he repeated, sounding sarcastic. "I always knew I was going to get into the Military Police."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't start regretting it now," I warned. "You said you couldn't do this unless you decided for yourself."

He ran a hand through his hair, shooting me a brief glare. "Don't use my words against me," he snapped. I raised an eyebrow. I wanted to snap back at him, but he was just blowing off steam. He did things like that. I didn't understand, but I couldn't say I wasn't used to it. Yet another similarity Jean and Eren had. "You say you're a little scared? I'm damn near terrified."

"I expected that." He gave me a look. "Hey, don't look at me like that." I blew out a sigh, putting my hand on his arm so we stopped. We were about halfway to the barracks anyway. "I really did always knew I was going to get into the Recon Corps. I made that decision before I enlisted."

He snorted. "Did you?"

"I was beginning to think you weren't a jerk. Don't change my mind now."

He looked a little contrite. "I just figured you joined because…"

"Because of Eren," I completed. I guess the four of us did seem to make a lot of decisions based on Eren. I shook my head. "No, I didn't. Armin and I made our choices on our own. We joined because we wanted to. I don't know about Armin, but I was thinking about enlisting to the Recon Corps even before I met Eren."

"No kidding," he murmured, beginning to walk again. "You guys just seem very… united."

"Maybe it was because of what we went through," I sighed, fingering Dad's ring. When I thought about it, the four of us had been through a lot. The fall of Shiganshina, the botched attempt to retake Wall Maria, the training… all of those were things that attributed to our closeness.

We walked silently, just taking comfort in each other's presence. I don't know. Even if I knew he would end up getting into the Recon Corps, there was still that small part of me that had wished he'd turned around and walked away. It wasn't because I thought he was a coward, but because I just wanted him to stay safe. I was more aware than ever now that I couldn't save everyone. I was just scared I wouldn't be able to save him when the time came either.

"Thanks," he grumbled as we reached the compound.

"Huh?"

"For not getting angry," he clarified, squinting over my shoulder at… something.

I smiled gently. "Hey, I deal with Eren. You're not that difficult."

He scratched the back of his head. "Yeah… well, night."

"Goodnight."

•●•●•●•

"Salute!"

In my opinion, it was still too early to be listening to the loud voice of a commanding officer ordering us around, but it wasn't anything I wasn't used to. Besides, my fuzzy thoughts probably made my reflexes better than usual.

"I'm Squad Leader Ness," the cheerful man in front of us introduced, turning to his horse and petting it. I wondered why he had a cloth tied around his head. "And this is Shallot, my horse. She loves to chew off your hair, so be careful if you don't want to be bald." Oh, so that's why.

I deadpanned internally. Well, I'm definitely glad I cut my hair now. Better to have cut it off than have it chewed off by my horse.

"Nice to meet you all," he said. Shallot decided that was the perfect moment to attempt to de-hair her owner as it gripped the cloth covering Ness's hair. "Hey! S-stop it, Shallot!" Now probably isn't the best time to laugh. "Hey, someone grab her!"

I glanced at Armin, trading amused glances as Jean stepped forward to calm the horse down. Jean was arguably the best at handling horses. I was… mediocre at best.

"Right," Squad Leader Ness huffed after Shallot had ceased its attack on his hair, "before we move on to horses, we'll head to the lecture room."

Lecture room…?

It turned out that our training would begin with memorising Erwin's long-range scouting formation. I squinted at the diagram at the front. I detested memorising things, but at least I memorised things much better now than Back Then.

That was odd. I mean, I didn't exactly have the memory of an elephant, but I had noticed that there were some things that stuck better than it used to. Maybe it was the training I had, but it might just be because I have a different brain.

Ugh, talk about mind blown.

Squad Leader Ness pointed to a figure on the right flank. "You new recruits will be here," he announced. "You'll be between the recon support team and those who guard the carriages." I jotted it down, nodding to myself. It wasn't the most defensible and we were still likely to encounter Titans, but we weren't really expected to engage them, or so I assumed. "Your job will be to ride alongside the spare horses and relay messages." Yup, there you go.

Armin frowned, jotting down his own notes and adding to his diagram. His elbow jostled mine and I looked over. He tapped his notebook and I glanced over.

They didn't mention where Eren would be, he scrawled in the margin.

I looked over my own notes, seeing no mention of Eren's or the Special Operation Squad's position either.

I noticed, I scrawled in my own notebook. They probably just want to keep him safe…?

We shared a look that was a little tense. All of us knew Eren. Why keep his location secret from us?

There had to be a reason, as with all things in life. Maybe Erwin was scared we would leak the information to… to whom? They couldn't have already known about the Female Titan. It was entirely possible that Commander Erwin already suspected there could be more Titan shifters like Eren. And there were. I took a quick glance around the room. Who else?

I knew they were close-by. I mean, I didn't know, but I had a gut feeling and those were almost as reliable as my future knowledge. I knew they were likely to be here with us, but I couldn't remember who. Or rather, I never really knew. More like derived from the show's wiki page.

I spent the rest of the lesson (I guess that's what they were) trying my best to guess who it could be. The problem was… I couldn't. I knew everyone who was here with us now. It was one thing to know that Annie had been the Female Titan even before I met her and it was another thing to know Annie was the Female Titan after we had talked and sparred. I didn't want to suspect anyone else for being the Armoured and Colossal Titan.

"That was enlightening," I muttered under my breath as we were brought to another building to get our uniform, making us official members of the Recon Corps.

Armin seemed uneasy as he pointed out, "They're bound to keep information from us."

"Because they suspect us," I finished.

Mikasa glanced at us, frowning slightly. "It does seem that way," she agreed reluctantly. "But what do they suspect us of?"

A very good question. One that I might have the answer to, but am extremely reluctant to say.

"Oi, Mikasa, Armin, Dani!"

We turned around at the exclamation, a smile instantly spreading across my lips when I realised it was Eren.

"Eren," Mikasa whispered and the joy in her voice was simply aching. I hadn't really noticed how lonely Mikasa must have felt. I felt like a horrible friend, not keeping her feelings in check more.

"Feels like it's been a long time," Eren grinned, eyes scanning the three of us quickly.

Mikasa's hands shot forward, gripping his. "Eren, did they do anything bad to you?" she asked urgently, black eyes roaming his face. I looked over him as well, seeing he was at least healthier than when he had been held in the dungeon by the Military Police. I knew Levi would take better care of him, but I still couldn't help but worry. Levi hardly has people skills. "Like investigating every square inch of you or psychological torture?"

"No way," Eren answered, reeling back slightly from shock.

Mikasa's voice turned dangerous and I had to resist the shudder that threatened to run down my spine. Damn, but Mikasa can be scary. "That short guy went too far," she hissed, glaring at nothing. "Someday, I'll see him pay for it."

I laughed nervously, grabbing Mikasa's arm and tugging lightly. "I don't think you should be saying that about our superior officer," I argued. I wasn't defending Levi. It's not like he needed me to.

"You don't mean Captain Levi, do you?" Eren said, sounding disturbed and mildly horrified.

"Hey, Eren!" Connie greeted happily.

"It's been so long!" Krista added, giggling slightly. I glanced back at the blonde briefly. I didn't know, but sometimes… sometimes Krista seemed so fake. I felt horrible for thinking that, but the look in her eyes – it's just that sometimes, she looked dead, but only when it seemed like no one was looking. I don't know. It was probably just me.

"What, everyone's here?" Eren looked around the group that had gathered. His eyebrows furrowed lightly. "But if you're here, then… that doesn't mean you joined the Recon Corps, does it?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, grinning slightly. "Of course it does!"

"Is there any other reason we'd be here?" Connie added.

"So only Jean, Annie and Marco joined the Military Police?" Eren inquired. My grin faltered briefly at Marco's name, but I glanced at the people around us. Huh, Jean wasn't with us.

I looked behind Eren as footsteps sounded, spotting Jean. Oh, apparently he had lagged behind. Eren turned, gasping at the sight of Jean. "No way," he murmured. "Not you too!"

"Marco's dead," Jean announced. I frowned a little. How subtle of him. That was about as subtle as a punch to the face and just as direct.

Eren was quiet for a moment. "What was that?" he asked slowly. "Did you say Marco's dead?"

Jean's facial expression didn't shift, but his gaze landed on me. Eren glanced back at me as well and I shrugged a shoulder, tilting my head in a that's how it is manner as I looked down at the ground.

"Seems not everyone gets a dramatic death. I don't even know how he died," Jean grumbled. "He died without anyone knowing or seeing."

"Marco…" Eren uttered.

Sadness hung in the air as we mourned our fallen comrade once more, letting Eren allow the knowledge to sink in.

"Hey, new kids, get over here," Ness called. "Your uniforms are here!"

I smiled weakly. "That's us," I said, my voice hushed. Everyone blinked themselves out of their stupor, heading towards Squad Leader Ness. I hung back, shooing Armin and Mikasa forward. I fidgeted as Eren kept his gaze into nowhere and as the crowd started to get bigger in front of Ness, I tugged on his sleeve. He jerked back to me, eyes wide.

"I'm sorry," I sighed out, tugging on my bracelet out of habit. I probably shouldn't because the fabric could fray. He blinked at me quizzically and I elaborated, "About the fight. Before your mission during the battle."

"Oh," he said, nodding in recognition. "I… almost forgot about that."

I laughed quietly, looking away as my fingers tangled with the chain around my neck. "So did I, but I felt guilty. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

"No, you were right," he protested. "I shouldn't have said that to Mikasa. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Then, I apologise for hitting you."

He grinned; a weak grin, but still there. The light in his eyes dimmed, probably from the news. "Apology accepted." He held out his arms. "Truce?"

I stepped into his arms, my arms wrapping around him as we hugged briefly. "Truce," I breathed.

He eyed my hair when I pulled back. He flicked the hair by my cheek. "I see you finally cut your hair."

"Not because you suggested it," I retorted with a roll of my eyes when he grinned, this time teasingly (but still not with the same brightness he normally did, which was to be expected). "I needed a change."

He tugged on a lock of hair. "Fits you," he commented.

"I don't need your approval, but thanks for it anyway." I glanced back at the other new recruits. "I should go. You… don't piss Captain Levi off too much, okay? He's scary when he's mad, but mainly because he's the quiet angry type."

"Okay… wait, how would you – ?"

I turned and ran before he could complete his question, catching up with the others as our uniforms were being handed out. Ness gave me an odd look as he passed me my cape. Probably because I squeezed my way between Armin and Reiner.

I glanced down at the green fabric, clenching it in my hands as I stared at the wings of freedom. This was it; after slaving away during training for three years, after that horrible battle, I was finally part of the Recon Corps. I had finally made it.

I threw the cape on, securing it. It was a different feeling, the cape almost weightless but enveloping me in a comforting warmth. It was almost reminiscent of the warmth I had felt when Petra had embraced me as we swung through the trees.

Ness appraised all of us with his arms crossed. He grinned at his friend, smacking his shoulder with the back of his hand. "A fine batch of recruits we have this year, eh?"

His ponytailed friend smirked. "Pretty impressive, I guess."

Ness laughed. "Alright, you're dismissed. Head to your barracks."

"Hai!" We saluted before breaking away from him, heading to the place we would call home for… well, for however long the castle would be in use, I guess.

Armin kept glancing at me, a small little smile on his face. I smiled back, a little bewildered.

"Yes?" I asked, linking my arm with his.

His smile widened. "You apologised first."

"I can apologise first sometimes."

"Thank you."

I bumped his hip with mine. "Nothing to thank me for. The guilt was eating me up alive."

He snorted, shaking his head. "No, it wasn't."

"You're right. It really wasn't."

We loitered in the hall, not really wanting to go off to our separate rooms just yet. That would only mean we'd be left to our own thoughts. I didn't know about the others, but I didn't want to stare at the walls and wonder why.

That's where Eren found us. We weren't saying anything, just giving each other company.

"Are you really…?" Eren asked, the question trailing off at the end. He didn't need to finish for us to know what he was going to ask.

"Yes, we'll also be participating in the mission," Mikasa confirmed.

I bit my lip, my gaze steady on Jean. I could tell he was going to say something and I wouldn't like whatever it was he was going to say. "Hey, Eren…" he said. "I heard that when you turned into a Titan, you tried to kill Mikasa. What does that mean?"

"Jean," I said sharply, shaking my head. I looked over at Eren, seeing the shocked and guilty look on his face. It wasn't really Eren who tried to kill Mikasa. He would never do that consciously.

"No," Mikasa protested. "Eren was trying to hit a fly…"

Okay, even I had to admit that was a weak argument.

"I wasn't asking you," Jean said with a brief glare towards Mikasa. His gaze stayed on her. "Mikasa, it looks like the wound on your cheek is pretty bad," he observed, pointing at his own cheek. Mikasa's eyes widened a little as she tried to cover the cut with her hair. "When did you get that?"

"Will you cut it out?" I snapped.

"I think we deserve to know," Jean snapped back, glaring at me.

Eren looked down. "I've heard it's true," he said reluctantly. "When I became a Titan, I tried to kill Mikasa."

"If you heard, then you don't remember it, right? In other words, you had no idea you even had this Titan power and you don't have the means to control it."

"Yes, that's right," Eren admitted, looking unhappy with himself.

I frowned at Jean. Where was all of this coming from? They were valid questions, yes, but why bring them up now?

Jean sighed, turning back to the others. "Did you hear that? This is the situation." I didn't like the irony in his voice. "Humanity and our lives depend on him. We'll probably die just like Marco, without Eren ever realising it."

"Hey," I said, but I didn't have anything to protest. There was a chance that Eren would go rogue again and half of us could be wiped out without him knowing.

"Jean, what's the point in asking Eren these questions now?" Mikasa asked, her voice razor-sharp.

"Listen, Mikasa." Jean turned towards us, eyes hooded and more serious than I could remember. "Not everyone's like you, willing to die for Eren's sake with nothing in return." Mikasa let out an offended huff, barely reigned in. "We should know what we're dying for. Otherwise, we'll hesitate when the time comes. We want something in return from him., so let me see what he has to offer… and whether it's worth my life." He whirled towards Eren, stalking forward and grabbing the shorter teen by the shoulders before Mikasa can protest. "So, Eren, I'm really counting on you," he stated in a strained voice.

You say you're a little scared? I'm damn near terrified.

Eren looked into Jean's eyes in shock before that determination burned once more. "Right."