Of Epic Proportions

by authorinprogress97

And I thought life was hard enough the first time. OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)

17. Expedition

And I thought life was hard enough the first time.

OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)

Expeditions. Jean threatening Connie. Yup, that's a thing.

Birthdays. They're things that happen once a year.

Your reviews are all awesome and useful to some extent. I really appreciate it!

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D-day

The sun wasn't even up yet.

I swore that was my only complaint for the rest of the day. It was still dark outside and my hair was being a bitch.

Jean snorted when he caught sight of me after letting his eyes follow Mikasa. "Nice hair," he said sarcastically.

I couldn't even muster up a glare, my eyes still feeling too crusted over. I wrinkled my nose and flipped him off like the mature adult I was mentally. Maturity could wait for the sun to come up.

I headed over to 'my' horse. We all had grown attached to a particular horse during training. Mine was a chestnut horse with specks of brown across her snout. Her name wasn't Speckles (as Jean had started to call her, that little shit), but Freya (which I sometimes forgot because Jean kept calling her Speckles).

I strapped her saddle on, my body working on autopilot as I waited for my brain to catch up with my body. I had had a sleepless night, going over the scouting formation and signal flares almost neurotically. Then there were the nightmares. I didn't even want to think about them.

Armin's eyes peeked out from the wall separating our horses' stable. He frowned, leaning against the divide. "You haven't been sleeping well," he accused, his voice kept low so no one else could hear.

I waved his concern away, soothing my horse when she whinnied at the sudden action. "I'm fine," I assured him, brushing my fringe out of my eyes with my forearm. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

I didn't even have to look at him to know he was sending me his signature I'm always going to worry about you no matter what look. It was mildly irritating, but only because I knew part of his mind was occupied with worrying about me when he should be focusing on his surroundings and keeping himself alive.

"Mikasa, cut it out!"

I whipped my head towards the frustrated cry, sharing an exasperated look with Armin. Well, at least he lasted a month this time, which wasn't so bad when I thought about it.

Then again, it's only been a month. Really, Eren. A month. I will hit him again if I have to.

Armin and I headed to Mikasa's stall, where we could hear their voices. Beyond Eren's exclamation, their argument was generally confined to the stall, which was a good thing since we were hardly alone.

"Eren," Mikasa said, frowning at him. "I just want you to be safe."

"I know," Eren sighed in aggravation, "but you don't need to spit all that info at me! I can barely keep up."

Ah, so Mikasa was just pestering him about his Maneuver Gear and testing him on the various smoke signals. You know, the usual advice that she normally gave me.

"Nice to see you two getting along fabulously," I commented, leaning against the stall door as the two siblings looked towards Armin and me.

Eren eyed me suspiciously. "Are you going to hit me?"

"I was planning to. Then you talked to her kind of nicely and I decided I didn't have the energy."

Mikasa's eyes lit up, but her expression never changed. I hid a smile. It was always the little things that made me wonder about her. She had a lot more potential that I really wanted to see. The more I knew about her, the more I thought she really could surpass Levi and take the title of humanity's strongest fighter.

"We'll be fine… right?" Armin said, smiling nervously as he leaned into me, blue eyes darting between Mikasa and Eren. I put my arm around my best friend, trying not to let my worry and fear show.

"Of course we will," Eren insisted, a determined grin stretched across his lips. His eyes flashed. "This'll be easy. It's just a dry run after all."

"And to prove your usefulness," Armin guessed, swiping his finger across his bottom lip in an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. I hadn't seen him do that since the day we enlisted. "That's half the reason for the expedition."

"If this works," which it won't, "we'd probably head for Shiganshina next to go to Eren's basement," I stated, the mechanical efficiency in my voice scaring me a little. My fingers played with Dad's ring out of habit.

Eren clasped the key around his neck, eyes blazing with the fire of his determination. "Then, we'll find out all about my Titan power and remove the Titans from the face of the earth."

My eyes roamed his face, taking in every line on that youthful face. If only it was that easy, huh? I tried my hardest not to let my doubt show on my face. If the world was black and white, we'd set off for Shiganshina the moment we were done with this expedition. It was the greys that ruined everything and sent all of this to hell.

"I should go," Eren said and I stepped to the side so he could exit the stall. "Gunther senpai is waiting outside."

"Tell him I said hi," I called after Eren. He raised a hand in acknowledgement, past asking me how I knew Gunther. I still didn't know why I hadn't told Mikasa and Eren. I didn't really need to tell Armin since he was observant enough and it was easy to offer the information to him. It was different when it came to Mikasa and Eren. Well, when it came down to it, Armin knew me best.

Armin and I took Eren's leave as our cue to return to our own horses. I readied the horse, my mind whizzing by as I tried to remember what would happen.

The Female Titan (I didn't want to think of that monster as Annie until I absolutely had to) would attack after we passed the town. I didn't know how long it would be before she would make her move since it wasn't specified in the anime. I worried my lower lip between my teeth. I just had to make sure I made my way to Armin before the Female Titan launched her attack on Armin.

The information I had been given on Eren's location in the formation was false. That much I knew. I might have taken a peek at Armin's and Mikasa's notes (it's not my fault they left it around for me to see) and I realised that the position they had marked out for Eren and the Special Operations Squad was different from mine. I hadn't told Armin, waiting until we were well and truly alone before I brought it up for discussion.

I readjusted my horse's saddle, frowning at the straps. I hadn't been placed with Armin, which unsettled me more than I cared to admit. I didn't like the thought of him being alone out there with only two horses for company. It wasn't that I didn't like Jean, but he was capable of taking care of himself without me around.

I shook myself. I was starting to think I was developing a Mikasa complex – an overwhelming need to protect my adoptive brother. I grimaced. I really had to do something about my dependency on Armin someday.

"Dani?"

I turned towards Armin. "Yeah?"

He grimaced. "I'd tell you not to come, but you will anyway, so just… make your way safely, okay?"

I reached out to tousle his blonde hair, sending him a small smile. "Of course." I sighed. "I know you think I worry too much, but I just can't help it."

"I know. That's why I humour you."

"Armin Arlert, you are too good to me."

"Only because you let me worry over you too, Dani."

Ness entered the stables. He looked around at us new recruits, nodding in satisfaction when he noticed we were all prepared. "Alright, kids," he boomed. "Move out!"

I led my horse by her reins, a hand on her neck to keep her calm. Naturally, the most nervous horse had attached herself to me. However, she was a lot braver than she seemed. I had never had any troubles with her after the first ride where she had thrown me off when Connie had accidentally cut in front of me. She just required a firmer hand than other horses.

It was a sight to see – six hundred horses were to be brought along, as well as dozens of wagons, some empty (for the injured and the dead) and others filled to the brim with supplies along with three hundred Scouts. In a moment of scepticism, I wondered how the return troop would look like. Certainly less grand than this one. A whole lot more pathetic.

I raked my fingers through my hair, blowing out a breath. I really needed to stop with these kinds of thoughts. They were starting to scare me. I had always been cynical and sceptic of everything, but this was a whole new level.

I mounted the horse, wobbling when she jerked. "Whoa, girl," I murmured, keeping a steady hand on her neck as I grabbed her reins. I walked her over to where Armin, Mikasa and Eren had gathered while I had been looking around.

"You won't be riding with us?" Mikasa asked, frowning as her horse skittered in place, more out of restlessness than agitation. "I know you won't be placed with us, but you should at least be allowed to ride to Karenese with your peers." Her expression darkened and it almost felt like dark clouds were swirling overhead. I deadpanned as my horse whinnied nervously. "That shorty…"

"No, no," Eren protested. "I was allowed into the Recon Corps under the condition that Captain Levi keeps an eye on me, remember? I can't be more than two horse lengths away from him."

"We understand," Armin assured him with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I guess this is the last time we'll get to talk."

"Until the expedition is over," Eren interjected aggressively.

Armin hesitated before nodding once. "Right. Until the expedition is over." He reached out, clapping a hand against Eren's upper arm. "Stay safe."

Eren nodded. "You too." He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You're quiet."

I tore my eyes away from where they had been fixated on Petra and the rest of the Special Operations Squad. "I can be quiet sometimes." I frowned thoughtfully, turning my eyes to Eren. "Hey, don't die, alright?"

He jerked. "Of course not. You guys don't die either."

"I won't," Mikasa replied confidently as Armin nodded. I didn't reply, only nodding when Eren frowned over at me. I wouldn't. I wasn't going to let the Female Titan kill me.

"Eren…" I bit my words back, taking my time to think over what I was going to say. "Trust your team. Trust Captain Levi," I advised, my grip tightening on the reins. He stared at me in confusion, but nodded just as Levi called out for him curtly. I watched him go, feeling apprehension settle heavily in my chest as I shook my head. Things were already set in motion. I just had to keep moving forward.

"Something wrong?" Armin inquired, eyebrows drawn low over his eyes.

I gave a strained smile as Mikasa's eyes darted to me and the call for us to move forward was heard. "Just… a bad feeling."

I didn't miss the way Armin's gaze lingered on me, worry swirling in his blue eyes. I caught his eyes, shaking my head again.

•●•●•●•

"I spy – "

"Connie, I swear to god if you finish that sentence, I will cut your dick off," Jean snarled.

I sighed. He was in a bad mood, which was understandable since Connie had been attempting to coax everyone into playing a game of I Spy with him by repeating his observations until someone answered. The only ones who ever replied were Armin (out of pity and kindness, the sweetheart) and Sasha (who was actually interested in the game because she was just like that).

Connie shot Jean an offended look. "Why you gotta be so mean to me?" Connie asked. "My dick never offended you before."

"Just shut up, Springer. You're annoying the shit out of everyone."

"I think I'm just annoying the shit out of you."

"No, you're annoying the shit out of everyone," Ymir said, rolling her eyes.

"Maybe we should all just take a quiet moment," I suggested. We had been on the road for four hours now and we were just reaching the edge of Karenese proper. I was starting to see sights that were familiar. I had to wonder if we were nearing my house. I think a couple more kilometres.

"Shut up, Dani," Jean snapped.

"That was uncalled for," I started, but a meek voice calling out my name stopped me short.

"Danika… Vale?"

I turned towards the voice, frowning down at the somewhat familiar face. Earnest amber eyes stared up at me in wonder from beneath scraggly brown hair that hung about her dirtied face. It took me a while, but I realised it was that girl from my class – the one who had lost her sister to human traffickers.

"It's… you," I said awkwardly, slowing to a stop. "I, uh, don't recall your name…"

She smiled like she had expected that. "I'm Geneviève," she said, thankfully not offended at all that I had forgotten her when she obviously remembered me. "We used to be in the same class."

"That, I remember."

"Dani, hurry the fuck up," Jean called back, looking agitated as his gaze flitted between me and Geneviève.

"Tch. Kirstein, don't get your panties in a twist," I replied, irritated by his irritation. He was probably just feeling stressed because it was our first expedition. We were expected to run into Titans and he hated that. I got that. It didn't give him the right to get snippy because all of us were scared, damn it. I turned back to Geneviève, dismounting so she didn't have to crane her head back to look at me. "Are you okay to walk with me to the gate?"

Geneviève looked over her shoulder before nodding. "You joined the Recon Corps."

"Um, yeah," I replied, glancing at the backs of my comrades. They occasionally sent confused looks, Armin looking mildly concerned. I waved, gesturing to him to look forward and not to worry. "Did you have a particular reason to talk to me?"

She twirled a lock of hair around her finger. "Not really. I was just… shocked, I guess. Everyone thought you were dead, if not worse." She glanced at me with eyes that I thought were too blank for a fifteen-year-old. "We found your parents. That's all we could think. What happened, anyway?"

I looked away, my gaze directed towards my horse as she exhaled loudly. "I ran into the woods. A couple of soldiers rescued me." My answer was vague, but her status of ex-classmate was hardly going to get her the full story.

"Oh. Then… where'd you go? You weren't in the orphanage."

"Shiganshina."

Geneviève fell silent for a while and I turned towards her. Her lips were parted in surprise as her eyes widened. "Oh," she whispered. "You were there, weren't you?"

I didn't have to ask what she meant. Shiganshina was only ever synonymous with that one fateful day in human history. "I was."

"What was it like?"

I didn't like thinking about that day. It meant so much more to me than just the fall of Shiganshina. I had lost a lot that day; a second family, my second childhood, safety. Geneviève wouldn't understand. When that had happened, she had been in Karenese. She hadn't seen the horrors we had.

"I don't want to talk about it." I hadn't meant to sound cold, but my voice sounded frigid even to me. I just had a lot of suppressed memories about that day.

Geneviève seemed to curl into herself in shame. "I'm sorry," she apologised in a small voice. "I didn't mean to make you mad."

"I'm not – I'm not mad. I just don't like to think about it. I didn't mean to snap."

She flinched, but nodded. She seemed so small, so similar to that eight-year-old girl who cried when she thought no one was seeing for the sister she had lost. All these years and she never changed. She grew up, but she was still a little girl.

Would I have turned out like that if I had never left Karenese too?

"We buried your parents for you," Geneviève informed me in that small voice.

My grip tightened on my reins as I looked away from her. I fixed my gaze on Armin, further away than he was previously. I should probably catch up. It wasn't a good idea to stray too far. I was supposed to be paired up with Jean – I would relay messages and he would keep hold of the extra horse. I wasn't happy with being separated from Armin, which was why I was meeting up with him once I determined Jean would be fine on his own.

I should have been the one to bury my parents, not the citizens of Karenese. I was a horrible daughter.

I cleared my throat. "Where are they?"

"They're at your house. Easier to find, I guess." She tugged on the lock of hair she had twirled around her finger. "You're there too.

It was… unsettling. Graves without bodies weren't unusual. Back when I was living in Karenese, we had our own fair share of dreamers who had joined the Recon Corps. Most of them weren't as lucky as Moses. We had a relatively large number of empty graves in the cemetery. I just didn't think I would be one of them.

"Right." My voice sounded weird, like I couldn't breathe properly. We were already on the main road of Karenese proper and I needed to mount my horse and catch up with the others before we reached the gate.

She didn't offer to take it down and I didn't mention it. It could be done when I got back. They didn't know if I was going to come back. I wasn't quite sure either.

"I have to go," I murmured, mounting my horse and looking down at Geneviève. "I… appreciate you talking to me."

She shrugged, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and smiling. "Mom would be glad to hear you're alive."

Right, our moms were good friends. I guess there were just some things I couldn't forget.

"I should go."

She nodded, stepping back, almost merging into the crowd. "Good luck." Then she turned and was lost among the people. Suddenly, she paused, whirling around once more and smiling at me. "By the way, happy birthday, Dani."

I hiccupped in shock that she could remember my birthday after eight years. I was still trying to figure out what to reply when she turned once more and disappeared into the crowd. I contemplated calling out to her, but I didn't have anything to say. I stared for another moment before I snapped the reins, coaxing my horse into catching up with the others.

"Who was that?" Armin asked, leaning in close.

I glanced back to where Geneviève had disappeared. "She's an old classmate," I replied, shaking my head. "I don't know how she could have recognised me."

"Red hair and grey eyes. Jean calling you Dani. Yeah, I wonder why."

I snorted. It was easy to forget that Armin spent a large amount of time with me, until he turned on the sarcasm. We were both mildly sarcastic people who tended not to let it show unless we were feeling pressured. "It was years ago."

"Maybe you'll get to catch up," he suggested gently, smiling as he moved closer. "By the way, happy birthday, Dani."

I smiled weakly, brushing a lock of hair from my face as I tried to will down a blush. Ugh, it was embarrassing. I was just glad he hadn't made a big fuss. It was fine; turning fifteen wasn't a big deal and seeing as it was on the day of the expedition, my birthday was insignificant. "Thanks, Min." I exhaled slowly. "I think the best birthday present I could get is having all of us getting out of this alive."

We drew to a stop as we reached the gate. All we had left to do was wait. Armin reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. "I'm sorry I couldn't get you anything."

I gave him a proper smile. "Hey, I'm only turning fifteen. It doesn't even matter all that much."

"You only turn fifteen once."

I shrugged, urging him to get into position. Not quite, Armin. Technically, this was my second time turning fifteen, although this was hardly the same celebration. My first fifteenth birthday didn't involve a dangerous expedition into uncharted territory.

"We've driven away all the Titans in the area," the cry rang out. "Thirty seconds until we open the gate!"

I tried to look for Geneviève in the crowd, but she had disappeared. I looked forward once more. She wouldn't have stayed. She didn't have a reason to.

I could feel Jean's eyes on me and glanced at him, frowning when he immediately darted his eyes away. I tightened my hold on my reins, petting my horse's mane when she whinnied softly. I had to focus on the expedition. The others might not know it, but we were about to go under attack. I scanned the crowd of green capes in front of me for Armin's blonde head, chewing on my bottom lip nervously. As soon as I could, I would meet up with him whether he wanted me to or not. He could worry, but I would worry more because I knew things he didn't.

A light kick to my ankle had me looking to the side. "What is it?" I asked Jean, not unkindly as I leaned in towards him.

"Don't do anything stupid," he warned. "I won't be there to look after you once you go galloping off to find Armin."

My mouth twisted into a slight frown, but I nodded. It wasn't that different between me being with Jean and me being with Armin since I wouldn't be holding an extra horse with me; I would be the one to relay messages if the need came. The dangerous part would come when I was making the transition. It wasn't that far in theory, but there was a huge difference between theory and practice.

"You take care of yourself as well," I replied as the call for us to ready ourselves was heard. "I mean it."

His head jerked back a bit as we let our gazes lock. Finally, I turned back to the front, breaking our stare down. "Right," I heard him mutter.

"Humanity will take another step forward," one of our trainers announced in a gruff voice. "Show me what you can do!"

There was a rallying cry from all of us Scouts as the gate inched open. I took in a deep breath, calming myself down as my horse skittered nervously. If I started to panic, the horse would notice I was losing control and it would start to panic as well.

"Advance," Erwin bellowed and the thundering of horses' hooves filled my ears as I snapped my reins, urging my horse to break into a gallop as others around me did the same. "We will now begin the fifty seventh expedition beyond the walls. Onward!"

We exited the gate only to enter an abandoned town. I glanced around nervously. I couldn't help but think that it looked like Trost had before we had managed to clean it enough for civilian habitat. The sound of hooves pounding against the ground and the beating of my heart thundered in my ears.

"Ahead, to the left a ten-metre class!" I heard a voice cry out. I almost jerked, managing to calm myself in time. I hadn't expected for us to encounter Titans already. We had just left the walls, damn it. I tightened my grip on the reins, pushing my panic away with practiced ease as I straightened my back.

The words of Ness's droning voice, telling us the Titans wouldn't be our problem, whispered in my mind. It wasn't our problem. They were the support team's problem. At least until we cleared the old town.

"Onward!" our squad leader shouted, no doubt for us new recruits. We would be the ones most likely to panic, after all. Then again, we had also handled ourselves relatively well during the battle. I think we deserved some praise for that.

The shadows passed over us, revealing a rising sun. I squinted against the brightness as the command to separate into the long-range scouting formation was given. I glanced to Jean on my right, where Armin and Reiner were as well.

"See ya, Armin," Reiner called, dropping back into position. Jean met my eyes and I nodded. We would have to drop back too.

"If you run into a Titan, don't piss your pants," Jean said as his see you later as he dropped back as well. I rolled my eyes slightly, expecting it. I lingered.

"Right, same to you, Jean!" Armin replied, turning his eyes to me. "You should go."

I sighed, swallowing the petulant I don't want to that was my first response. "Take care," I said instead, pulling back on my reins so I could level with Jean. "See you later."

"Later," Armin agreed. Then, he was shooting forward and all I could do was stare after him worriedly.

He would be fine, I told myself. He could take care of himself, I reminded myself. Sure, he wasn't anywhere near Jean when it came to 3DMG handling, but he could hold his own just fine. He wasn't supposed to encounter Titans in the first place. We weren't supposed to encounter Titans.

Too bad this expedition wouldn't go as planned.

"Damn it," I muttered under my breath, sweat rolling down the side of my face as anxiety built up in the pit of my stomach.

"Oi, don't worry so much," Jean grumbled. "Armin can handle himself just fine."

"I know," I bit back. I wasn't angry, just worried. I didn't know the specific timeline to the attack and that was what worried me. Tiny little details that were easy to forget as the years went by. Like the said, the devil was in the details. Devil, indeed. I spotted a red trail of smoke in the distance, my hands immediately going to my belt for the gun and red smoke round.

I fired it in the air, wincing from the sound as it resounded in my eardrum. I holstered the gun, redirecting my horse as we noticed the green smoke round pointing to the left; Commander Erwin's command to change direction. We veered to the left, hopefully avoiding the Titans.

I glanced to the side nervously. We weren't that far from the edge. Armin wasn't that far from the edge. After the vanguard, he'd be next.

I kept my gaze forward, shaking my head slightly. I couldn't worry about that. If anything happened, I was going to be there. I glanced upwards, allowing my grip on the reins to relax so my fingers wouldn't cramp.

A black smoke round appeared in the distance and I bit back a gasp. An abnormal Titan… already?

There was a tingle in my fingertips tat told me something was wrong. Very wrong.

"I have a bad feeling about this," I called towards Jean. His eyes were fixed on the black smoke round as well. "I think that's where Armin is!"

"It might be nothing," Jean reasoned, but I could tell that his jaw was clenched. He was worried too. He shot a sharp gaze towards me. "It's too early for you to switch positions."

"I know," I ground out, "but the black smoke round…"

"Son of a bitch," Jean swore and I whipped around, my hair slapping into my face. My mouth went dry as I noticed another black smoke round, so close after the first round. Fear clutched my heart. I was pretty sure that's where Armin was.

"I'm going," I ground out, my heart drumming out a staccato rhythm in my chest from the fear. I couldn't lose Armin. I tugged on the reins, veering away from Jean and riding towards where I was sure Armin would be. She wouldn't – it couldn't take Armin away from me. I wouldn't let it!

"Wait – !"

The wind blew Jean's words away as I urged the horse to gallop as fast as it could to my best friend. The Female Titan wouldn't kill him, but I just wouldn't be comfortable until I saw him in front of me.

A second set of hooves echoed and I glanced behind me to see Jean. He noticed my eyes on him and looked away with a scowl. "Tch, you'll probably get killed at the rate you're going," he huffed.

I bit back a smile. "Thanks, Jean." I turned my gaze forward once more.

Please, Armin… be safe.