Deep in the halls of regal Asgard, the king and queen were sitting on golden thrones. They appeared to be in deep discussion.

"I wonder what my pesky foster son is doing at this moment", King Odin wondered aloud, no doubt talking about his Frost Giant son, Loki.

"No doubt, he is up to his usual no good deeds. It's a wonder he hasn't corrupted my favored son Thor yet", Odin continued, his eyepatch glimmering. Frigga looked at him timidly.

"Do you suppose maybe it's our fault Loki turned out this way, perhaps?" Frigga asked, clasping her hands together. Odin threw back his head and laughed at the idea.

"Our fault? My dear, I am a king, and a great man! How could one such as I be a bad influence on anyone? Thor is a good example of what someone can become under my tutelage". Frigga didn't look so sure.

"But dear, you were always so much nicer to Thor than Loki. You never even got Loki any gifts last year! What if Loki resents that?" Odin looked deep into the eyes of his wife – and snickered.

"Loki is a bad apple. After all, he is the son of a frost giant and once a frost giant, always a frost giant. However, I will give him a chance; I will head down to Earth in disguise and find our frosty son. You can watch from the magical crystal ball I made out of Heimdall's eyes", and with that last disturbing statement, Odin vanished, having teleported to Earth.

Frigga sighed. Men!

Loki was reading a book at his favorite Barnes & Noble bookstore. He loved to come here on a slow day. He would sip some coffee, read a British novel, and plot all the ways he could catch Captain America unawares and murder him!

Loki had lost plenty of confidence, though. The Fates seemed to be against him, though he couldn't blame them. When he was a tyke, he used to play pranks on them too, by stealing their cloth, or putting fake illusions in their crystal balls. Those were good times.

But he had to stay focused. One mortal couldn't stand in his way! He had to do this for…who was he doing this for again?

My memory must be going, if I can't even remember who told me to kill the Captain. Whatever, I'll just do this for myself. Personal gratification is always the best motivator.

The bells on the door rang as someone entered the bookstore, and the customary, "Welcome to Barnes & Noble" was given. Loki truly hoped it wasn't some loud kid!

Looking over his book, he saw an older man wearing a fedora hat, a large black coat, and sunglasses. The old man was also using a golden cane to assist him in walking. Loki almost laughed at the man's horrible fashion sense, but the man gave off a familiar vibe.

Loki forced himself to suppress a shudder. What was wrong with him? Maybe he was thinking too much about killing Captain America, and it made him a bit paranoid.

"Some new scenery might do me some good", Loki muttered as he put the book back in its shelf, and headed out the revolving door. As he walked down the semi-crowded street, he felt a hand grab his shoulder. Preparing for a fight, Loki made a fist, and turned around.

"You?" Loki asked dumbly. It was the weird old man from the bookstore. The vibe Loki felt could not have been a coincidence. The old man stomped his cane on the ground.

"Young whelp, you will refer to me in a more respectable manner. Were you raised by giants…I mean, trolls?" the old man asked surly. Loki had half a mind to blast the man right now, bystanders be hanged. And a murder would probably bring Captain America running…

Ah, but all the Avengers would probably arrive, and Loki wasn't sure he could take them all on. For now, he would have to play along.

"You must forgive me", Loki drawled, wanting to roll his eyes. "I wasn't thinking clearly. I do humbly apologize". Well, if he was going to do this, he might as well go all the way.

Loki put his arm around the old man's shoulders, which were surprisingly broad.

"Do you need help crossing the street?" Loki asked sweet as could be. The old man looked confused, and nodded.

A few minutes of wandering around aimlessly afterwards, and the old man had suddenly announced his cravings for ice cream. Luckily, Loki knew a place just around the bend.

"I am quite sure you'll like it. They have a robust selection of over 20 flavors. I favor the pistachio myself", Loki admitted. He was a fan of the color green, sue him.

"Vanilla is all I need", the old man said surly. Loki always got stuck with boring people who liked boring things. He always did have pretty bad luck for a god.

As he ordered their ice cream, Loki glanced at the old man, who was sitting at a table, and flipping through some ratty magazine. Loki could not shake the feeling that he knew this man! But that was absurd, of course.

"Here is your ice cream", the teenager behind the counter said, handing Loki two bowls while blowing bubble gum. Loki took the cups, and with a wink of his eyes, the gum exploded all over the young woman's face. The woman shrieked, and ran inside the employee's bathroom.

Loki snickered, but out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the old man raise an eyebrow.

"You don't think that was funny?" Loki asked, placing the vanilla ice cream-filled bowl in front of the man, who was now stroking his white beard.

"It was rude to laugh at the girl", was the old man's short reply. Loki sighed.

"Stay right here", Loki commanded (suggested?), standing up from his seat, and heading into the rest room. A few moments later, he came back out with the lady, who had no more gum in her face. She was now staring at Loki with a sparkle in her eyes.

"I don't know how you did that, but I thought it was fine. Can I have your phone number?" Loki politely turned her down, but told her that he'd "be around".

Loki and the old man left. The next twenty minutes were spent with Loki helping a cat from a tree, Loki buying a piece of bread for a homeless man, and Loki playing kickball with a little kid (he let the kid win). The old man was consistently surprised by all this.

"Do you think ill of me?" Loki asked the old man, wanting answers.

"Why would you assume that?" the old man countered, playing with his beard.

"Because every time I do something decent, you act as if Hell hath frozen over!" Loki almost shouted in his frustration. The old man laughed, and insisted that he thought Loki was a fine gentleman!

Loki didn't buy the act at all. Just as he was about to retort, he heard a noise. Putting his hand around his ear, he realized it was guns firing! Running towards the noise, he saw two criminals shooting at….Captain America!

Of course, the bullets bounced off the almighty shield, and Captain America was able to subdue the criminals shortly after by just giving them a really mean look. Pathetic, these criminals were!

"I will kill you!" Loki yelled, his voice unfortunately being drowned out by the loud honking of a garbage truck horn nearby. Loki ran towards Cap, whose back was turned, but he felt himself get pulled back by some magical force.

Cursing, Loki used a spell to cancel out the one pulling him. As Loki prepared an attack spell, he felt someone punch him in the gut. Gasping for breath, Loki looked into the eyes of the old man, who right before his eyes, became Odin!

"I should have bloody known", Loki moaned. Odin sneered.

"I came down to this dirtball planet because Frigga convinced me that maybe you weren't all bad. But I arrive, and you're trying to kill off a hero? For shame".

"Oh please, father, you're no saint either. We both know you've killed before", Loki said, raising his chin.

"THAT DRAGON STARTLED ME! I ALWAYS TELL YOU THAT!" Odin yelled, his face either red from rage or embarrassment. Loki honestly could not tell.

"Whatever you say, "father", Loki spat out the last word. Odin stomped his foot, causing some nearby kids playing hop scotch to trip and fall. The kids began crying.

"You monster!" Loki yelled, horrified. That was crossing a line. Pouting, Odin opened a portal with his golden cane/staff.

"Hmph. I will go ahead and tell Frigga that you are a beast and that Thor is the most perfect boy ever" Odin managed to say in a single breath, before leaving.

Loki mentally shrugged, before his mind informed him of a horrible fact: Capt. America had eluded him again. This time it was Loki's turn to sob. The kids who had been playing hop scotch tried to comfort the crying god with some candy and trading cards.

"So, how was our son?" Frigga asked, not that she didn't know; she had watched everything from her crystal ball, and she was proud of Loki. Odin grunted, and ran to his room. Frigga had to cover her mouth so that giggles wouldn't come out.

Son of a frost giant or not, she did love Loki. Yes, even if his pranks cost her a dress or two in the past.

Thanos had somehow climbed to the top of Mount Everest. Dying from lack of oxygen would please Lady Death, right? He hoped so, because he didn't fancy jumping down from that height! Maybe he should have The Other try it first…

To Be Continued!

I hope Odin fans don't hate me too much...