On Asgard, the noble Warriors Three were engaged in an epic brawl at the local tavern. Wooden mugs, still half-filled with ale, were being thrown around as if they were arrows, and large tables were being overturn, sometimes used as shields.
Dashing Fandral, rapier in hand, fought as if he were in a dance, with grace that made men jealous, and women sigh. At the moment, he was engaged with three brutes who had him surrounded.
"Yield, commoners, before I deign to show you my skills as a swordsman." The three men looked at each other, and began to bellow with laughter, one of them having to place his arms on his own knees to keep steady.
"Very well," Fandral said quietly. Before another sound could be uttered, he made a slashing motion with his thin sword. The villain closest to him looked down, feeling something was amiss. He blushed when he realized that his pants had been shredded to pieces!
The man ran off, howling into the night. His two companions both lunged at Fandral, hoping to avenge their drinking buddy. Fandral looped in-between them, and began to prance around them. They both attempted to grab him by his emerald clothing, but their clumsy hands were not up to the task.
Getting bored, Fandral stabbed each in the rear. Giving him the satisfaction of a wail, they both ran straight out of the tavern's walls, leaving cartoon-like holes in the wall, in the shape of their bodies.
Meanwhile, Hogun the Grim, named so because of his tendency to never smile or make small talk during his fights, faced off against a single opponent. His enemy spoke enough words for the both of them, so Hogun didn't feel the need to banter.
"Hogun, you look like a sissy. I bet you don't t speak because your voice is actually high-pitched!" The foul-smelling cad laughed at his own lame joke, if that was what it had been. Hogun raised his weapon, which wasn't a gleaming sword, but a spiked, ball-shaped club. Most people would take a glance at it, and decide that wearing a padded football helmet wouldn't be enough to protect them.
Hogun's foe confidently raised a large wooden shield, which had a slit near the top to let the user see through. Shield in front, he began to run towards Hogun, intending to ram the Asgardian. Hogun, standing his ground, simply raised his club, and with a grunt, slammed it against the barrier. The shield promptly broke into many pieces, some of which poked the former shield-bearer's eyes.
The man began to cry, although whether the tears were for the broken shield, or because of the splinters in his eyes, Hogun didn't know. Feeling almost a bit sorry, Hogun clubbed the man in the head, knocking him unconscious.
At the far end of the bar, where the front table was, plump Volstagg had just downed his fifth roast chicken, bones and all. Patting his enormous stomach, the warrior looked around, and seeing some sinister looking men approaching him, he decided it was best if he went on his merry way.
"Don't mind me," he courageously (in his mind) said as he approached the front doors of the tavern, only to discover that he girth wouldn't let him fit! Three of the evil men stabbed him in the back with their swords; unfortunately for them, Volstagg's fat caused the swords to bounce back, injuring the unsuspecting villains.
"Oh dear. I would stay to fight and crush you all, but I have, erm, important matters to attend to!" Volstagg turned towards the window, accidentally stepping on someone who had crouched down to stab at Volstagg's arguably more vulnerable legs. The loud crunch went unnoticed.
Growing fearful for his important life, Volstagg ran towards the back entrance, ramming dozens of unruly patrons, and sending them crashing against the walls like so much traffic.
Remembering that there WAS no back-entrance, Volstagg decided he would follow the example of Fandral's opponent, and create his own exit! Bracing himself for the crash, Volstagg stepped through the wall. When he glanced back, he was delighted to see all of his enemies had been knocked hither and yonder. Truly, he was a fine swordsman!
The next day, the three friends were back at the tavern, cleaning up the mess they had made as Frigga had ordered them. It was either that, or actually paying for the damage. It was an easy choice.
"Sigh. Why must one such as I do work such as this?" Fandral dramatically wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, sending sparkling sweat cascading around the area. Every female in the area swooned.
"Don't whine. Keep cleaning." Hogun didn't mince words. At the moment, mopping the dusty floor took priority. Fandral shook his head at Hogun.
"Maybe you are OK debasing yourself like this, but I have a higher calling!" As he said those words, he continued to laboriously remove every single wooden splinter from the grass outside the tavern. A few had poked his hand painfully.
"Whiner." Hogun knew how to throw an insult. Fandral gasped, before throwing one of his own. "Loner!"
The insult didn't make any sense, as they were always a trio, but ah well.
Before the two could start slinging mud at each other, Hogun noticed something was amiss.
"Where is Volstagg?" Fandral pasued, gave the area a glance, and announced, "He doesn't seem to be here."
As the two realized that he had skipped out on them, a newspaper, carried by the wind, blew into Fandral's face. Scowling, he read the headlines, which mentioned something about…LOKI?
Seeing his compatriot's face contort in horror, Hogun snatched the paper, and read aloud its contents.
"The trickster Loki, thorn to humankind, has been loudly attempting to end the life of Steve Rogers, more commonly known by his moniker of Captain America. Loki has not been shy about his goals, and while he has been failing miserably so far, we fear that he may soon triumph. If this happens, we will publish the Captain's eulogy. We need the money."
The article was published by the Daily Bugle. The two friends had never heard of it, but they also had no reason to not believe the words it had written.
"Let us go, friend Hogun, and show Loki just what we think of his plot to kill a most noble Earth man!" For once, Hogun was in agreement.
As the two clasped their hands together in brotherly affection, Volstagg stumbled towards them, drunk after having spent too much time drinking ale.
"Hello, my friends. How *hiccup* does your task go?" Glaring at him, the two brave warriors grabbed their round partner, and dragged him to Heimdall.
"I need permission from the All-Father, you know," the all-seeing Asgardian reminded them after being asked to open a bridge to Midgard.
Hogun and Fandral got on their knees, and then forced Volstagg to do the same. "Mighty and handsome Heimdall, we beg of you! Thor's mischievous brother has plans to do away with the good Captain America. We wish to save him!" Fandral managed to squeeze some tears out of his eyes to accompany his speech.
Heimdall could not stand to watch Asgard's three best warriors grovel on the dirt, so he sighed, and with a large thrust of his long spear, opened the rainbow. The colors danced around the oval space they stood in.
"Neat!" Volstagg yelled as he ran across, knowing that the Earth realm was filled with pizza and junk food. Fandral and Hogun followed, filled with good spirits. Heimdall shook his head, hoping that the Warriors Three would be filled with luck and glory.
Before Heimdall could close the gate, he felt someone tap his shoulders. Jumping with fright, he calmed when a tough female voice asked, "Where have the Warriors Three gone? If they go to adventure, I plan to follow."
"Sif, you gave me a fright!" Heimdall exclaimed. Sif crossed her arm, raising an eyebrow.
"How did you not know I was coming? Don't you brag about being able to see everything, with the exception of EVERY TIME WE GET INVADED?" Heimdall grit his teeth, and bade her a good journey.
Shaking her head bemusedly, causing her beautiful dark hair to swish in the wind, Sif gave Heimdall a curt bow (she never curtsied) and patted the sword strapped to her hip.
Sif walked across the bridge, and the portal closed behind her. Heimdall, relieved that his gate duties were done for the day, headed home. If he couldn't go on some epic quest, he would simply have to play some of the video games he had "borrowed" from Midgard.
On Earth, Loki was sleeping in Central Park. He missed the large explosion and burst of light that accompanied three Asgardians, with a fourth following a few minutes later. He was too deep inside his dream, which had him killing Captain America in various brutal ways.
If he had been awake, he may have noticed the three boisterous men head to a hotel. He also may have noticed the female enter the same hotel. But he wasn't awake, so he didn't.
To Be Continued
Apologies for not having Loki appear much. But next chapter, I promise! I just wanted to make sure the Warriors Three (plus one!) got screen time.